It is almost 4am. I have been up since 3:14. And I reminded myself that I have awaken and checked the clock MANY times at 3:14 am in the past few weeks. Later today, if time - I am going to do some research on that number and passages from books of the bible and see what God may be trying to reveal to me.
However, for now... between the Hot flashes, and Cold limbs, I decided to do some reading and get today's blog started.
I have something I want to write about, but I am thinking I will wait a few days and let the Lord finish those ideas. So I perused blogs that I wrote from back in 2010 and 2011.
I came to this one.
I wrote this blog back in October of 2011. In October of 2011, I was in a new house. A rental. WE had sold our home of almost 18 years and moved. ( Basically,we we expunged ourselves from our neighborhood and started over. This advice was very important. Starting over after infidelity in a marriage is very hard, but physically getting to a new spot does help. One can begin to create new memories. )
I had repainted the main living area and the bathroom, but often caught myself just sitting and staring at 'my stuff' in a new room and place. Our stuff was the same but we were in a very different place.
The kids nicknamed this period from roughly, October 1st, 2011 -- February 20112, the 'AWKWARD house'. We were in the middle of marriage counsel with a professional therapist and seeking godly counsel as well through our Pastor and his wife. The kids were right. It was an AWKWARD house. Our furniture was in a new place. Both HP and TP had their own rooms but they looks FAR from what they were raised with. Part of the problem was the color of their rooms. The owners had a girl and a boy ..so the rooms were that color of blue and pink that was sweet and annoying at the same time - especially for a teenager and a young adult! They did not like the atmosphere - I reminded them, it was a RENTAL. I would retreat to our bedroom a lot because sitting and talking with my husband was not a real option. There were many hours of silence. In this point of our therapy ...we were trying to restart. REBOOT. And it was like starting from scratch. It was AwkWARD. We were working at being friends. At this point, he was not in love with me and acting on faith that our marriage could possibly be restored.
Often, we would ride home from therapy/counsel and just be silent. Other times, we would head to Longhorn for dinner and I would rely on a list of 'topics' I literally gathered from a Google search to talk about. It was that awkward. If we had already talked about the kids, and we were not suppose to talk about our marriage or the future, then WHAT were we to talk about. So, I researched and found stuff to talk about. We were be obedient to our therapist. I know this was a time of MUCH thought and reflective thinking. And writing. I was writing in a journal - a LOT! Part of what I was writing -- was or were DREAMS. I would write and tell God of HOW it would be better and WHAT it would look and feel like. I prayed that way. This blog speaks of a dream that I had and I have blogged about WHAT did for me that particular evening in my sleep -- he gave me a healing and reminded me HOW much He does care for the details of my life. But this also reminded me of the people we are praying for through these blogged prayers.
There are many hurting wives and husbands that totally understand this. They are dreaming of HOW it could be. And, many of those dreamers have given up. Today's prayer stems from this idea...
Ok ..so here is my blog. You will NOTICE how short it is!
Just when one can allow the Enemy to tell them they are JUST not cutting it .. . .and they are mixed up . . God comes in and does a rescue.HE gave me a great dream/vision/illustration of how HE HOLDS me and then, I open up my Jesus Calling Devotional today and get this:
Awe ... Thank you Lord.
Dear Beloved, go gently through this day, keeping your eyes on ME. I will open the way before you, as you take steps of trust along your path. Sometimes the way before you appears to be blocked. If you focus on the obstacle or search for a way around it, you will probably go off course. Instead, focus on Me, the Shepherd who is leading you along your life – journey. Before you know it, the 'obstacle' will be behind you and you will hardly know how you passed through it. That is the secret of success in MY kingdom. Although you remain aware of the visible world around you, your primary awareness is of ME. When the road before you looks rocky, you can trust ME to get you through that rough patch. MY Presence enables you to face each day with confidence.
- The Holy Spirit
John 10: 14-15 Isa 26.7
Can you believe that? THAT was indeed a SHORT blog. I just typed and copied what my Jesus Calling had for the day. But I know I was flabbergasted on HOW it related perfectly to my present situation and my dream that night before.
God, wants to remind any of you hurting at this moment -- HE sees you and knows HOW hurt you are. I will pray -
Lord, for those wives and husband who have dreams that are being grieved right now or being faithfully on pause. God.... the bottom line of this prayer today is that, I pray these couples will dream together again one day. I pray that the wives will see their dreams come true as I know that when we dream and You grant these desires...THEY are always better than we could ever imagine. And I pray for those couples who may be in that AWKWARD phase right now...may they hang tough and wait it out. Lord, I also pray for their children as they want the 'normal' back and yet...these disappointments bring us closer to You. Lord, for my own marriage today -- You have given us BOTH dreams beyond our expectations and You continually REMIND us that YOU brought us out of our PIT. We praise YOU Father God... and thank You. Lord, I am heading to Wisconsin tomorrow - you know my schedule and HOW important family is to me...I pray you will help me keep my blogs SHORT and continued throughout these next few days....May I be a voice of hope for those wives and husbands that are hurting...that they will say -- well, if HER marriage can be redeemed....mine can too! IN Jesus Name, Amen.