I have to share something.......this blessed me... when we just need to SEEK HIM...

 At times, we JUST need a little affirmation that we are IN HIS will and we are on the right track.  

 Today was one of those days when I got an affirmation.  I love getting these little blessings or I will call them tidbits from God here and there. I did not expect it, on this particular day I did not ask for it, but as soon as I recognized it.....I took it as MINE.  

  

Earlier this week, I was asked....'how did you endure?'......The sweet lady was referring to a time of real sadness and frustration in my life/marriage/family  and I stopped in my tracks as I know how I did...I mean,  I have rehearsed this 'why'  or 'how' in my head with God so many times, I find myself thinking of a 'shorter' version.   However, on that day, I began to tell her everything and I caught myself rambling a bit, but I guess on that particular day, I just needed to speak.    And yet,  the plain and simple truth is...I didn't endure...HE did.....

HE did.  

HE gave me hope right away with a vision and even though I did not understand that at the time, I knew that I knew that I was to forgive and move forward.  Sounds easy, right ?  Well, it wasn't...it was hard and long, but  I am doing it.   I want to share the blessing I got today, it was God's way of telling me 'atta girl'.  

I pray each day and I have a few friends that are in the MIDDLE of "hard" right now.  One friend and I have similar situations and yet, our circumstances are VERY different.  And, yet-- hurt is hurt and we are to comfort the hurting.    

I remember something Beth Moore stated in one  of her dvd's about 'not being about to trust God'.  And she spoke about  this conversation with Him and He told her, "Beth, just trust me for 5 min."  "That is all." And she found she could do that.  But only after she really hemmed and hawwed about it.  And God continued:  "Don't think of anything but me and trust me for 5 min."...   then.......another  5 minutes...... and another".....And Beth goes on to tell how at times, days would pass and it was a 5 min to 5 min kind of days, but then she noticed it was 10 min to 10 min.  And then she found it to be 20 min to 20 min and than an hour to an hour.  Get the point?  Some things that we must endure and 'go through' are LIKE that.  They just are.  God always wants us to move forward and rely more on HIM.  

Anyway,  back to my blessing.  In those moments or days of living 5 min to 5 min......I would seek HIM.  I would scream at times, pray often but mostly just talk back and forth with Jesus or the HOly Spirit, or God -- well, that was prayer.  I would get alone with Jesus and sing at the top of my voice over and over...'this is where the healing begins'....or a Mercy Me song.  


 And these little blessings or tidbits would appear, happen... and it just SUSTAINED me.    I have probably blogged about it before.  I know I have shared this with many.   And I even shared it with our Counselor, but she advised me NOT to look for SIGNS.  I get that.  It is easy to look at something and 'think' that is of God or that is my 'omen'....but, we must be careful.  God does use people, things, music, and so much more to speak to us, to bless us, and to sustain us.   And when we are truly seeking Him, we will know it is a blessing. 

So, yesterday when I was talking to another friend, I was explaining this and I wanted her to just seek HIM and live moment by moment and be still in HIM.    I  had no advice, other that to GET with HIM. 

In conversation later  with my Cell Pastor, she replied to me in an email and sent me this:  

" I know God has a plan for her..(us )...you...  and  HE wants her...(us)...you... to draw closer to Him. "  {we were both in prayer for a mutual sister in Christ} ..."I told her about getting the revelation word from God that addresses you right where you are and gives truth for the moment."

  "This type of word from God has to be sought after.  Sometimes we hear from God through others (Can be the most comforting and easy) sometimes through the Holy Spirit that speaks truth almost audibly or through a "knowing", but then there are the times where you have to read and pray, yearning and seeking after Him in earnest. God makes a phrase, sentence or Word "pop out" to us."

  "Then we meditate and HE brings the peace and knowledge that HE is working through the circumstance.  Our confidence in Him grows and we are actually "Walking" with Him in Spirit.  We have to wait for this and be patient, enduring till we get the peace that is coming.  We grow through these times.  There are many examples in the Bible of where this occurred in times of stress."

I was blessed.  I replied to Linda's email right away..."yes, YOU said it perfectly....that is what I asked our mutual friend to do today, just pray and be still and seek HIM"   ..."But Linda, you said it perfectly - can I quote you?"  

She replied:   "I know it works that way -- I saw that in you Michelle, that is how you endured".   "And Yes, you can quote me!"  

THAT was my blessing.  THAT was my affirmation.  

So, as I promised God, I will share and tell as many as I can -- HANG in there.....seek HIM.  HE does answer and HE will give you those tidbits.  


And as I was writing, editing and trying to compose this, my husband came out of the bedroom to check on me and he shared some sweet things and said a few other things, but it was REAL conversation and I could practically hear or see the confirmation in the air.  My husband and I were talking about this post.....I have his blessing to share.   THAT is a big thing.  Another tidbit that I will grab a hold of.  

Steven Curtis Chapman and his family called them 'bread crumbs'...that God had given them...insights and little blessings that sustained them after the loss of their precious Maria.  

thank you Linda Robertson for letting me quote you.....

thank you friend for reading this.....I hope it blessed you as much as it did me and I pray you too will get those tidbits and they will sustain you too....

-thank you God, your daughter -- Michelle 


PS, right now, my family and I are coming out of a valley.  However, I understand and realize the the enemy hates me and my family.  He does not like the fact that God wins.  So, I will just take all these blessings and tidbits and ponder them in my heart - store them in sort of a way, as when the enemy wants to attack again, we are ready!   We trust now.  I trust now.  I believe.  Nothing will shake that ever again.  Nothing.   Even if I mess up terribly or my husband does....it has all been covered!  Amen.  

my daughter's good friend got married today....

Today, is a first.  Today, one of Taylor's closest  friends got married.  It was a very sweet sweet wedding.  The weather was perfect, the chairs set, the girls walked the aisles littered with rose and flower petals. And they were real petals and smelled of HIS nature.   The junior bridesmaids and the little flower girls were most adorable.  I sat with my husband on my left and Taylor on my right.  The minister - Cary, did a great job....Judd sang - sweet.   The smiles were everywhere. The wind tipped over something but it did not matter.  People smiled.  The bride's mom was elated and I could see the pride in the Father of the Bride.  Sarah made a beautiful bride.  The groom's mom was so proud and beautiful as she walked down to greet the guests.  Aaron was handsome in his shirt and jacket.  Everyone looked so fresh.  Everyone had that look of hope and joy.  Weddings are about bringing forth a renewal. Weddings are a day to celebrate.  Weddings make you think.

I mean -- today, I thought of many things, and I thought about the last wedding I attended.  Which happened to be another Christ centered union.   I thought about Taylor's wedding some day.......I thought and prayed for the service and the groom and the bride.  I thought about the families and how they all must be anxious.  Aaron was one of my first first graders - years ago.  He was the sweetest kid back then, I really think I was  his 4th grade teacher as well.  Maybe that is why he is a writer.  Na...Just Kidding.  He loved Blake, dedicated one of his books to Blake,  and lived by him for a few years.    I say that  God weaves a tapestry, a perfect tapestry....how he knit the two of them together and there are ties to both the groom and the bride within out family.  Taylor and Sarah have been friends since middle school.  Time and distance has changed their relationship, but I know they will remain life long friends.

Today God reminded me of how HE redeems.  HE really redeems HIS children.   HE blesses.  Just sitting at a marriage ceremony with my husband and daughter is a blessing...is a miracle in itself.   This is the first wedding ceremony that we have attended together in probably 4-5 years.  How time flies, but HOW God can heal is one of the things I thought about.  HE redeems.  I thought about a gift and I will probably buy the usual "toaster"  but I also wanted to blog a prayer ...for Aaron and Sarah...as the 'first' couple of Taylor's crowd to tie the knot........

Someone teased Brendan  today, 'you'd  better warn him- what is he thinking?'.......I smiled,  Brendan just nodded, the person was joking and had no idea about God and how HE has placed Sarah and Aaron together, but I did.  It was one of those situations where you just smile and not speak up.  I mean - the time was not right.  Just the fact that I happened to be sitting with my husband of 24+ years......should of told this person - we don't tease about THAT  stuff, but that is not the purpose of this blog.

The purpose is to remind myself and maybe those reading...that GOD designed marriage for a purpose.  HE designed marriage as a tool  to show HIS love through us, a godly marriage is for HIS purpose.  Both Sarah and Aaron spoke volumes today.  It was a Christ centered union, event, and celebration.  I am sure the angels assigned to the two of them celebrated today.   We all did.

Now Taylor has a 'married' friend.  New topics, new  things to encounter...it is just life.   I watched the people celebrate this union...God got the glory.  It was so cool.

Thank you Aaron and Sarah for including us.  Your gift will come.  I choose to go for a Harley ride when I should of bought a gift, but I will...I want to actually bring it to your home----soon.  But until then, I wanted to post  a prayer of blessing over your marriage.  You indeed are a special two and I believe I will get to watch your marriage unfold right in front of me and I love that idea.

-- Michelle

Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Hall
4-14-12
Lord, they will celebrate their 25th anniversary one day - I know it.  

Lord, I pray right now as I ask YOU to bless this marriage.  Lord, I come to YOU and say, praise you Jesus, praise YOU for the glory YOU have shown us all.  Thank you for the cross.  Praise YOUR holy name.   Lord, thank YOu for the gift of love, YOUR love.  Thank you LORD For YOUR  perfect will.  Lord, may Aaron and Sarah both look to YOU first in every situation; therefore when they look to each other, their minds will be filled with YOU and the enemy can't get in to cause doubt or begin to destroy  it.  Lord,  I pray a prayer of blessing over them that they will continue to grow in YOU and be a light for all of the young couples around them.  Lord, I pray as they seal their covenant, YOUR  love would grow so strong and bind them together in YOU.   Lord, I pray that both of them will never be self seeking or easily angered, but if they do..that they would come to YOU first and then to each other.  Lord, I bind the enemy right not and order  him to leave these two alone.   They are YOURS.  They are blessed.  They are YOURS.  Lord, I pray as they learn to live with each other, they won't keep any record of wrongs.  Lord, I pray they both will have a heart to serve YOU first and then each other, and in that...all of their individual needs will be met.  LORD, bind their love and may it grow so deep.  Lord, thank you for allowing us to see YOUR glory within them.  Lord, there is still heartache around them within their families and friends, but Lord, may the two of them be warriors for YOU and  a blessing  to those around them.  May anyone who comes in contact with them, see their love for YOU and WANT that.  Lord,  may they lay themselves and their pride upon your cross and walk away empty of themselves and FULL of YOU.  Lord, protect them, Lord, may they always trust YOU first and then  each other.  Lord, I pray a prayer of LONGEVITY upon this marriage - to death do they part.  Lord and I pray JOY all over them.  LORD, may they escape the natural trap of negativity that others may cast upon them.  Lord, I pray they will trust YOU in everything.  Lord, I know that if they both are seeking YOU and they are both HUMBLE...then WATCH out -- they will do great and mighty things for your kingdom - together.  Bless them Lord,

Me and My man...marriage is hard but good - very good!  God wins!

Happy Wedding Day
 Aaron and Sarah
- Amen!

when you have LOST your love for Jesus....

My oh my, there is a loved one I know that I want to share this with, but it will have to be HIS time.  I will just pray.  When I read this today, I knew the author was speaking to me as well.  And, just as the day progressed, I believe I thought of another 3-4 people around me that...would have a little more joy if they could REALLY understand this....but....I must watch and pray. 

I had to share.

This is from the crosswalk.com site, in there I often check this one column written by Roger.  The credits are at the end of this.  He shared some of his personal life within this question today.  It really touched my heart. 

If you have LOST your love for Jesus....or lost that feeling of love for your spouse  or perhaps the pain of a child's actions....this may touch you like it touched me.  And I love how at the end, Roger gives you the steps to fall back in love....

READ ON it is quite long BUT worth the read...if you love Jesus or want MORE of HIM: 

Dear Roger,

Why am I not getting the same message and enthusiasm that I have for years? I know that it's an attack from Satan and not the church. How do I pray to get my spirit-filled life back?

Sincerely, K

Dear K,

It sounds to me that you’re losing your love for Jesus. Don’t despair. Most of us lose our love for Jesus at some time or other. Developing a love life with Jesus is like developing a love life. The initial burst of thrilling romance soon settles down to a long-time maturing which ultimately results in deep intimacy.

I met my wife Julie on Sunday morning. I was preaching in a small rural church and she arrived thirty minutes late to sing and play for the service. I led worship a capella until she arrived, out of breath and hurried straight to the piano. Our romance commenced that evening. Unfortunately, typically, love does not march unimpeded to full intimacy. Relationships are full of ups and downs and good and bads.

Julie has trouble keeping up with her car keys. It seems like I’ve searched for them for most of our married life. I will never forget — nor will she — the day I found them after a lengthy search, stood over her, shook the keys in her face and angrily yelled, “What am I going have to do?!! Put them on a chain and lock them around your neck?” Then, I’m shamed to admit, I spiked the keys on the floor in front of her toes and stormed out of the room. Not much love there! Ultimately, I confessed and repented and she forgave and we moved past those awful moments. Love is like that.

“Her lungs are filled with fluid,” said the emergency room doctor. “Very little room is left to produce breathable air. Tonight, your daughter may become a statistic. The words sent shivers up my spine and initiated overflowing anger toward Jesus: “How much is enough? When will the onslaughts stop? With all we’ve endured in our lives, if you can’t do any better than this, I’ve about decided that following You isn’t worth it after all!”

I surprised myself. I’d never had so much anger toward Jesus. I’ve had many opportunities for anger but never enunciated them. Every trouble was another opportunity for Jesus to mold me more to look like Him. I had open heart surgery at 13. My doctors made a mistake. My heart was perfect. I’ve had scar-tissue-induced-electrical problems ever since. I know what it’s like to “ride the lightning” as the paddles fired to restart my heart. I no longer have a colon. Three knee operations, several ablations and a back surgery did nothing to impair my love for Jesus. I own a bulletproof vest for protection when preaching. Julie had a nervous breakdown. My first daughter died in my arms. My oldest daughter has suffered with failing lungs for a decade. We do all we can to keep her breathing. Never once can I recall a time when my love for Jesus faltered — until that awful night. I’d had enough.

Asaph’s experience in Psalm 73 helped. He lost his first love and recaptured it. He was angry with God because all of his neighbors were better off than he was. He’d about decided that he’d be just as well without following God.

Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; for I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked…

Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; ...

When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God;…

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:1-26).

He lost it. But after a while he found it. When push comes to shove, I’ve decided, like Asaph, that there’s nowhere else I’d rather go than to Jesus.

At this very moment my oldest daughter Brie is in the hospital trying to get her lungs and breathing under control. I’m not angry with God this evening like I was that night in the hospital. We’ve worked through that. Gratefully, my heart is drawn to Jesus even while Brie is under the knife. I sense Him pouring in the power even as I feel agape love flowing from Him to me and back to Him.

Julie and I’ve had an adventurous life deeply in love with each other. Unfortunately, we haven’t lived happily ever after. Why not? You know why not. We’re all imperfect human beings, who grow up in imperfect environments around imperfect people. Why does our love for Jesus falter? Because imperfections (sin) can sabotage any and everything. Fortunately, agape love has a way of plowing through the slop and overcoming all.

The key to loving Jesus is to restore our first love when it falters. Jesus said to the Christians in Ephesus:

These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love (Revelation 2:1-4).

Fortunately, in the next several verses Jesus tells us exactly how to rekindle our love affair with Him. We’ll get to that in a moment. But first, we need to deal more specifically with your questions.

You asked: “Why am I not getting the same message and enthusiasm that I have for years?”

Let me give you several possible reasons. When was the last time you heard God speak? You might well discover that you’ve neglected Bible study and prayer. God speaks to us through the Bible and we speak to Him through prayer (John 5:39-40).

Perhaps, you’ve allowed too many distracting things into your life. These could include materialism, loving some person or thing more than you love Jesus. Quite possibly you are more computer oriented (shopping, news, gaming, surfing) than you are spiritually oriented (Matthew 6:24).

The Christian life is not designed for solo living. Are you in a small group of like-minded brothers and sisters where you can find strength and love and where you can love and encourage others? Christian maturity exists in the context of close fellowship with others (Acts 2:42).

Perhaps Jesus has failed to answer some prayer the way you wanted and you’ve looked else where for help. Down deep inside you are disappointed in Him (Job 7:11-8:1).

Maybe something you’ve done makes you feel that He’s disappointed in you. You’re too shamed to approach Him (John 21:17).

Of course, our sins can impair our fellowship with Christ. Nevertheless, our relationship with Him as His born-again child can never be broken. Sin may momentarily ruin our fellowship; but it can never threaten our relationship to Him (Psalm 51:1-4).

Then, you asked: “I know that it's an attack from Satan and not the church.”

Of course, we both know that Satan’s goal is to control our bodies and souls. Satan works on our minds and wills so that we choose to live according to his plans and desires. Our defense is twofold. Don’t listen when he speaks. We take our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). In addition we continually renew our minds with Biblical truth (Romans 12:1-2).

Finally, you asked: “How do I pray to get my spirit-filled life back?”

The operative verse here is Ephesians 5:18: "Do not get drunk on wine, … Instead, be filled with the Spirit.”

The term “be filled” is often translated from Greek as “keep on being filled” with the Spirit. From this we deduce that the filling of the Spirit is not permanent, but is to be repeated again and again. As a drunk is saturated and under the direct influence of alcohol, so we are to live saturated with the life of the Holy Spirit.

The filling of the Holy Spirit is a simple matter. We need not make the answer complex and involved. The filling occurs as we empty our lives of self-reliance, selfishness and self-condemnation.

We might say it like this: “Our experience upward in the power of Christ is in direct proportion to our experience downward in ceasing from self.”

This doesn’t mean that we rid ourselves of all of our “self.” Much of our “self” is good, profitable, holy, Christ like and filled with love. Our bad “selves” of reliance, control and condemnation are what we want gone. As we empty our lives of these three, the Holy Spirit has room to enter, fill us and fully express Himself through us. He stands ready at any moment to fill us to the fullest. He is waiting on us to be empty.

Let’s now return to where we started and examine the advice Jesus gave to the members of the church at Ephesus:

Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do (repeat) the things you did at first. (Revelation 3:4-5).

Follow these three steps and Jesus promises your love will rekindle.

Remember, what it used to be like when you were hot on fire for Jesus. Repent that it’s not that way. Repeat the things you used to do when you first fell in love together.

It doesn’t get any easier than that.

Well, K, I hope this helps.

Love, Roger

Dr. Roger Barrier recently retired as senior teaching pastor from Casas Church in Tucson, Arizona. In addition to being an author and sought-after conference speaker, Roger has mentored or taught thousands of pastors, missionaries, and Christian leaders worldwide. Casas Church, where Roger served throughout his thirty-five-year career, is a megachurch known for a well-integrated, multi-generational ministry. The value of including new generations is deeply ingrained throughout Casas to help the church move strongly right through the twenty-first century and beyond. Dr. Barrier holds degrees from Baylor University, Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and Golden Gate Seminary in Greek, religion, theology, and pastoral care. His popular book, Listening to the Voice of God, published by Bethany House, is in its second printing and is available in Thai and Portuguese. His latest work is, Got Guts? Get Godly! Pray the Prayer God Guarantees to Answer, from Xulon Press. Roger can be found blogging at Preach It, Teach It, the pastoral teaching site founded with his wife, Dr. Julie Barrier

a great reminder....to knock...knock....

I had to copy and paste this today from Sharon Jaynes and the Girlfriends in God site. 

"Indeed, none of those who wait for YOU will be ashamed". 

One of the important lessons I learned  in the past two years is that, God answers and I hear HIM, but I usually never waited to really hear ALL of HIS voice or ALL of HIS word for me. 

This devotional really hit me today and  I could tell her she wrote it for me.  However, I am sure she wrote it for herself and others, and I bet the Holy Spirit is promting many hearts that read it.  Could this be written for you too? 

READ ON: 

April 3, 2012



Knock. Knock. Is Anybody There? Part 1


Sharon Jaynes


Today’s Truth


Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed;” (Psalm 25:3).


Friend to Friend


Little feet. I heard them clomping across the linoleum kitchen floor and padding up the carpeted stairs…and I knew they were not my son’s. I poked my head out of my sewing room and there he stood. Three-and-a-half feet of pure mischief – my neighbor Philip.


“Philip,” I scolded, “you can’t just walk into our house like that.”


“Why not?” he asked with balled fists on his determined hips.


“Because this isn’t your house. You have to knock on the door first.”


“OK,” he said. “But is Steven home?”


Philip lived across the street from us in a bustling family of 7 homeschooled kids and 2 dogs. He was a stocky fellow with close cropped blond hair and a gruff voice that belonged more on a seasoned smoker than a four-year-old kid. He often wandered over to our house to ask my son, Steven, to come out and play. Steven was eight years older than Philip, but occasionally “shot hoops” with his pint-sized admirer.


I adored Philip, but he had to learn not to walk into other people’s houses at will. We had our little chat about knocking first, and then I sent him on his way.


The next day, I was working in my sewing room again when I heard a small but determined knock at the backdoor. I was in the middle of a seam and didn’t answer it. I knew who it was. Ah, I thought. He learned his lesson well.


No sooner had that thought entered my mind, I heard the door open and close, followed by the familiar squeak of little-boy tennis shoes moving through the kitchen and up the stairs.


“Philip,” I called, “I thought I told you to knock.”


“I did,” he yelled back. “You didn’t come so I came on in.”


Philip and I had another chat.


Thinking back on this incident with my tow-headed, pint-sized friend reminds me of how some people approach prayer. They knock. It seems we don’t have a problem with that part. It is what comes after the knock that trips us up.


God tells us to pray. He tells us to knock. “Ask, and it will be given to you;” Jesus said. “Seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened,” (Matthew 7:7-8 NASB). But what comes after the knock?


God also tells us to wait for Him to answer the door…to answer the prayer… before moving forward. Unfortunately, many don’t want to wait. If God doesn’t answer right way, many take His silence as a “yes,” and plow right on ahead.  (this is the part that really hit me....I prayed for this one particular thing, and God did answer me clearly but as soon as I got the answer I wanted and it was confirmed true, I did not go back and listen or ask God to confirm it as it was a real major prayer...little did I know what was going to transpire next, but that is besides the point.  It was an illustration for me to see, that I must wait on HIM and seek HIM on all important decisions)


“Lord, should I date this man?” “Lord, should I marry this man?” “Lord, should I buy this house?” “Lord, should I look for another job?” Knock. Knock.


If God doesn’t answer the door right away, is that license to open the door, walk right through it and do what we want? Absolutely not.( I have to remind myelf that God has to be the one opening and shutting the doors)


David wrote: “Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed,” (Psalm 25:3). Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, For I wait for You,” (Psalm 25:21 NASB). Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD,” (Psalm 27:14 NIV).


We’ll look more at this subject of next time, but you’ll just have to waitJ


Let’s Pray


Heavenly Father, I wait patiently for You. Please show me any area of my life where I have not obeyed You fully. Then give me the courage and strength to do so.


In Jesus’ Name,


Amen.


Now It’s Your Turn


Have you ever prayed about a decision, not waited on God for the answer, and plowed ahead even though you felt unrest in your spirit?


What were the results?


Have you ever prayed about a decision, waited on God for the answer, and moved forward in total peace?


What were the results?


Regardless of the results of obedience, you can be assured that obedience always pleases God. He is more concerned with the process than the product.

Lord, thank you ....for teaching me to wait, and using your word to confirm.  YOU are lord.
Amen. 

random thoughts and another thank you ....

It is 2:30 am.  Brendan and Hunter left for Dallas tonight.  I dropped them off and went to Ross and tried on about 20 different dresses and enjoyed every minute of it until I had to wait almost 20 min. to check out.  Ate by myself at Panera at the LOOP and then onto the Turnpike and home.  Then I cruised the aisles of Wal-mart and just enjoyed being alone....I knew TP was not at home and I was overcome by emotions.  I realized this 'being alone' felt so different this time.  I was alone because I choose to be, not cause I had to be.  Again, not going backwards but usually each day or at least every other day, God clearly blesses me and shows me little delights that mean nothing to others but the WORLD to me.  I was happy.  Happy.    And sort of key-d up...so I will write.

We took a Harley ride today.   Helmet on and an empty backpack and set off for the mall.  Our first shopping trip on the bike.  We were headed to the Journey store to get some Puma's for Brendan and his trip.  The sky was so pretty.  The air, clear, and the ride....nice.  We talked and chatted and then had a detour which made stopping for lunch not possible, but we found the shoes, had a treat of cookies at the cookie place and were back on the bike and home.  Everyone says we need to be careful and I want to assure you, we are.  Brendan is so cautious.  So cautious.  I noticed four different times today where he was thinking ahead and then he tells me 'what' to watch for, as I am going to be a lone rider some day too.  I stop and think...'gee, will I be able to think of all those things?'.  He watches safety videos and stuff all the time, and it shows.  Maybe I will be content to just be the rider....  Anyway, I saw three different women in cars being very unsafe.  Unsafe.  ONe lady was holding a sheet of directions in her left hand, trying to steer and holding the cell with her right and barely made the corner.  Thing is, she hitting us would of been disastrous...probably just superficial wounds four her and people tell us to be safe.  We are ...but it is the other drivers we really have to watch out for.

I wore a t-shirt and a jacket but I was afraid I may be too hot.  So I left my gloves at home.  Then I was too cold so I placed my hands down on Brendan's legs and I could feel the heat off the engine and it was sort of like a seat warmer - cool.  The cooler air on my face and the warm engine on my hands and of course sort of sitting  close and snuggling up to Brendan -- made it even sweeter.  NO wonder women love to ride with their men!   I would look to my left and see beautiful Florida flora and fauna and then to my right and see cows....it was just a beautiful ride.  We are planning a trip to Wisconsin and renting some bikes there - I really can't wait to be a rider then too!  When we got to the mall, we couldn't really our gear on the bike, we don't have saddlebags yet, so we walked the mall with our stuff.  People did stare.  Sort of felt super special, we are in jeans and jackets holding helmets when most people are in skimpy shorts and tank tops. Praise God for A/C.

Oh and, there really is no 'cute' way to pick a bug out of your nose when sitting on a Harley.  Especially when one flies up your nose at a stop sign and you can't really wiggle your head or jump around as you are grossed out -- cause it will cause a weight shift on the bike and mess up the  driver.  Just saying.  The windshield really does work, but what could of prevented that bug from flying up there at a stop sign.....I did have a good laugh and probably rubbed my nose for about 5-10 miles after that!  

OK -- that was the Random thoughts.....  but they lead to this.....

On that bike today I realized two things.

1.  I am happy.  Really happy.   Just happy and thankful.  The past seven months have been a moving forward.....but I had a big cautious sign in my heart....and today, it occurred to me --- that sign is gone.  There has been more healing but also, there is a greater peace and my walls are down and gone.  I find myself speaking my heart and not worrying about rejection or that affirmation.  And THAT is very liberating and God.  Not to say there won't be rocky spots again, or some speed bumps, but the fear is gone.  And that is a good thing.

And  2.  Matthew 7:  24-27........  This scripture reads about the hearing the words of God and then putting them into practice.  The wise man builds his house on that rock so when the rain comes, the house does not fall.   It goes on to speak about the foundation made of sand...that falls.

My last blog post was for the godly women that I am so thankful for.  And I added a note about the godly men that also stepped up.

But today after pondering this scripture on  reflecting and prayer over it while on the bike,   God reminded  or confirmed something to me.  Something I had been praying about.  In therapy and through the hurt, things are said at times, and then taken back  or  things are questioned and the enemy hears that and loves to bring it back to cause doubt.  There was a doubt....a doubt that perhaps there never really was a foundation to start with in my marriage.  Ha Ha.  Too Bad Satan.  There was.

It really hit me and I got tickled and laughed out loud to myself while we went past I95 onto Martin Grade.....there was a foundation.  God ordained our marriage.  God did.  There was a foundation.  There was a foundation that was planted by both sets of our parents.  Both of us from early on were brought up in the knowledge of Jesus and how HE saves us.  Both of us, heard countless bible stories of miracles and so forth.  Both of us believed in God.  There was a foundation there.  And, as young marrieds, we did pursue HIM....and then our kids were born and they too were taught and witnessed a good foundation....how do I know....

As when the storm hit....the house stood.  It was swayed....it  lost some of its prettiness...but guess what, it stood.  It did not fall, because its foundations were on the rock.

It did not fall because people were obedient.
It did not fall because God wins.

It did not fall, period.

I guess when it all really sunk in, I wanted the ability to WRITE it in the sky and then highlight the clouds.  That revelation brought forth such peace and that happiness.

Now....I am no Pollyanna and realize that once we are fully out of this valley, we will probably be hit with something else...THAT is what makes life interesting.  We are in a battle between good and evil and until that is done....the world or Satan may continue to battle for our hearts -- but the war is already WON!  

So there it is...thank you Lowell and Marilyn...thank you Sandy and Jim.......


Lord, bless our folks as I type and thank you Lord for this revelation.  The Enemy is never going to be able to cause doubt in me ...in this area...  again as it has been cast out!

Thank yo Lord....amen.