Faith over Feelings - Blogged prayer #15 - Traveling

Traveling with another can be stressful or fun.  When our kids were little, we made the trek from Florida to Wisconsin a few times.  We would mostly drive all day and night to soak up the most time with family.    Often we'd play games in the car where we'd spell out words with license plates and then play the famous gave of ZIT and look for green tractors.

Now -- we fly more or stop and take that 2nd day to help with the 'sleep' deprivation.    And we are not traveling with kids -- so when you are not focused on the road and at the wheel - there is time to read.  I brought a BIG thick book that I have tried to read and start four different times.  It is from my favorite author - Francine Rivers.  Yet, I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to finish a chapter.  So I switched and began to read SHORT stuff on some news feeds and social media sites.

 found myself reading several articles about the World Cup  team and all the "will I visit the White House?" and "Is Trump a racist?" stuff.  Which lead me to several other blog sites where I read several testimonies about transgenders that now regret their decisions and how they discovered their true selves -- as God created them.

I also read several heartbreaking stories where parents lost their children for this reason or another.  And I even found a site that spoke of the more recent new evidence that  states:  the biggest age group of sex offenders or people molesting and raping others is.... 10-15 year olds...yes...kids raping kids.   Why??  The influence of pornography. 

Disheartening and sad.  I probably blew up my news feed today - as posted anything from silly to serious but I had a lot of time to read and wanted to share.    But as I traveled, I was also able to think and praise God.

This world is broken.
I posted this status a few days ago --

Our Souls  were made for the perfection of the garden - therefore they can't ever be satisfied by imperfect grit and grind of this sin-soaked world.  

It is so true -- there is going to be such hurt and sadness here until we are in our eternal home.

Which brought me back to a verse I read earlier today:
From Psalms 139: 14

I thank you God, for making me so mysteriously complex!  Everything you do is marvelously breathtaking.  It simply amazes me to think about it.  How throughly you know me, Lord!   

The Lord did make me mysteriously complex.  There are many hurting and healing and others that have not 'awaken' yet or understand what it truly means to be living in a sin -soaked world.

But today - I was made VERY aware of much of our  sin - soaked world and I just reminded myself that God was in control.

As I read about the ones believing they are not really who they were born to be....I felt the enemy was just too 'easy' for so many.  And I prayed that those who know and love Jesus are really ACTING like He did. 

I asked God - what do people see in me? 
Some of these harder issues -- we are going to need to know HOW to answer and  WHEN to be bold to speak truth  with mercy and grace and most of all ...showing LOVE.


So where are you with all of these issues and hard stuff?
Do you ignore the hard issues or do you feel it's your job to  to try and fix them?

My prayer is simple this eve --

Goodness Lord - there are SO many not fully understanding the true JOY there is in YOU.  Lord, for all of the sin-soaked people who think there is still something better  --Lord, may their eyes be opened.  Lord for the many lives that were touched and hurt within those written blogs and articles that I read today and got enthralled with -- reveal, heal, and restore LIKE ONLY you can. 
Lord, for making us so complex -- we THANK you -- We thank you that YOU knew that the reader reading this - was created - complex and perfect in Your eyes -- goodness Lord...may they SEE and FEEL your goodness.  Jesus - like only YOU can...be their center. 

And Lord, help me to speak truth in love and extend grace and mercy - to everyone...the Trump haters as well as the Trump peeps.   Lord, help me to be a Titus Two woman to those around me.  In the Name of Jesus - amen. 

Faith over Feelings. BOLD blogged prayers and insights - or confessions! Day #14 - Selfies

So, it is time.  I have avoided this blog but it needs to be shared.  I wrote it many months ago and then shelved it. 
I have FAITH that this will speak to someone but it will also give some freedom to another.  
I also believe the reason I was prompted to share was indeed me acting on faith over my feelings.  


First things first.  
I may or may not have a selfie - problem.  Actually I realize that I did have a selfie fetish but now, it is something for fun or expression.  

I spent an hour this evening  looking up information and reading  about selfies and WHY people take them so often. Some have their FB pages littered with selfies and others don't.  Some use filters with each other and others go 'all natural'. 

My current selfie and profile photo on FB. 

Per the articles I read, selfies are a form of self- expression.   Many social media sites use the selfie as a way to identify oneself. That makes sense, many of our phones have face recognition, therefore a selfie or photo is needed.   


The articles I read, informed me that those who take many selfies over and over  may  be   in that narcissism category.  A narcissistic person wants to show off and show others how good or how perfect she is.    I guess -  You would have to really check my phone, as I usually take 4-5 to find that perfect one to post, but I don't see myself as narcissistic!   But maybe?  No...  my selfies can get silly and a bit OUT there at times, but I am pretty sure I am not a narcissist! 

Some Selfies are created to be a part of a group -- for example, posting your photo with an "I VOTED" sticker shows you belong.  Posting a photo of YOU and your grand-daughters remind the world of social media that you were celebrating Grandparents day with them!  And I viewed as I scrolled FB this even - there is a new filter to take a selfie and see how you will look  as an 80 year old.....


And others may post selfies because they suffer from machiavellianism.  

What on earth is that?  That is where you wish to manipulate others.  So Your selfie may be established with a political party or a cause in which you want someone to pay attention to.    That did make sense. 


Like WHICH team really is the best?   

I love social media and taking a selfie to me - represents me and I  use it to identify- me.    I have had some selfies where I am holding a sword and even promoting pro-life.  

Somedays,  I want to be silly and other days I want the world to be reminded that my husband and I beat the devil at his game when he tried to destroy us.  


  And other times, I am guilty of self-objectification--  

--Which is basically posting the BEST photo of yourself so that others may view  it and  see it  and it is usually associated with a view some sort of sexual content. Or with some sort of sexual connection.    Sexual?  

Well, sexy...  we know we look HOT or good and we want others to know it too. 

 I admit.   Guilty.  I grew up thinking I was ugly and fat.   My parents did their best, but I didn't have one or both of them feeding into my ego on a daily basis.  I was a 'farm girl'.  Not a model or TV personality.  And there was a period of my life where I was finally seeing myself as a beautiful woman - on the outside.   I am embarrassed about this one selfie.  

I dropped a lot of weight in about 3 months and here I am...sitting on a potty.  Oh, excuse me, I am sitting on a commode and snapping a selfie.  Which I posted.  It stayed on FB for a good hour or two.  If you look closely -- you can SEE the toilet paper roll dispenser thing behind me.  I used the 'filter' of black and white and I felt I looked hot.  HOT.....

The truth was - I was SO brokenhearted and lonely.   I was 'single' and at THIS point, didn't see where our marriage would survive and so therefore, I was putting on a brave face and telling the world or at least those on the social media site - FB, that I was smiling and looked good.  

Forgive me.  

This is the purpose of this blog.  And I am stepping out in faith that you will hear my heart in this blog and plea.  

 By the way, my daughter texted me or even called me out while I was still at that restaurant and she told me, "ma, take that down - I can see you are on the toilet!"   "Mom...seriously - what are you thinking?".  

What was I thinking?  I truly was convinced that someone, some godly mentor would find my husband and pull up this picture and scream at him about how he was an idiot and that he should work his tail off to get me back.  Or at least.... seek counsel.  That he was an idiot.  

showing off my 2nd grand girl - SJ

Honestly - THAT is what I know was in my head. And I would post a new one...every few days.  When I grabbed a niece or two, their smiles made me feel like I wasn't hogging the photo or selfie, but still -- I wanted compliments and attention and I was determined that some how and some way -- God would make sure my estranged hubby would see my photo and totally repent and come crawling back.    Just being honest..and transparent -- THAT was my thinking.  


When we are broken and hurting -- we do stupid stuff.  We post silly and self-objectification and self- seeking photos that demand reactions and comments.  We want attention.   We want to let everyone know what we look like and we want to be looked at and we may be fishing for some good compliments.  

Using SJ's hand to convey a message - NO to sex slavery!

This is where FAITH comes in.  Our identity, our true selves are only whole and satisfied when we know and experience our identity in Christ.  But even those of us who know this truth -- may still struggle and post a few more selfies that grab other's attention.  

It grabs mine - I pray.  I can see the hurt when a loved one is literally posting a selfie two times a day or at least once a day.  And it is always the same.... but maybe there is some caddy expression or even a declaration of faith, but in reality, it is a way for them to express their hearts and heads.    Selfies are an acceptable way to communicate.  

Sharing one of the first photos of our Ava...

However, I pray it does not define us.  I pray it does not define me.  

And that goes along  with our other photos -- not just selfies.  
Let's take a look, are we posting photos  that would make our Grandfathers blush? 
Do I really need to see what you ate and did on your date with your hubby while wearing a very revealing outfit? 
 WHAT are you trying to say?    What  would your future granddaughter think?  Are we as Titus 2 women - setting a good example for the young ones around us?  



So, by faith -- I am believing that the momma's reading this will think twice about allowing their daughters to post 'sexy' type selfies and photos on their FB pages -- why is it necessary? 
    And by faith, I am praying that the momma's reading this will get the gumption to speak up and be a Titus 2 woman to their daughters and the ones around them....modesty is a good thing!   
    And by faith, I am believing that those that continue to post selfies every few days with different filters -- seek Jesus and get to the point where they can KEEP their selfie photo for a whole month-- without using any filters.  
   And by faith I pray that some of us actually FAST putting any photos up of our activities for a few weeks -- and spend that time seeking GOD for the root of the problem -- and seeking HIM for some healing. What may be the root or cause for my constant need to post? 
   And by faith, I am going to believe that my heart was expressed -- I am not the selfie police, I just felt it was time to admit -- that I used to post selfie's cause I needed attention as I was hurt.  I praise God I am in a better spot ....now. 
   And I praise God that I had a daughter and other pals that could call me out -- and keep me grounded when I posted a potty selfie.  

 This was my first selfie on FB.  I was thin...hadn't been eating.  Blake had just passed and I knew something was wrong in my marriage but I didn't know what.  EAch time someone asked me 'if I was ok'.... the enemy fed into it, but I began to realize that I needed Jesus even more.  

The night my husband left - this was the photo and selfie I posted -- telling the world, it was JUST us three and we were going to be OK!    Smiles...make everyone think all is well.  



 

 Then when the rumors were a running that we were separated -- I posted this one from when we first moved to Okeechobee -- by faith, I believed we'd smile like that again.    

    This photo was posted on August 8, 2011.  We had decided to sell our house and it had an offer.  Counsel had started and I posted this selfie with the belief that the smile we had ....would prove to many that GOD could WIN.

Then in August of 2012 -- we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary - the smiles were not faked or awkward.  It still  took faith to post a photo of the two of us - as we were not really healed then, but by faith, we were moving forward and doing the work necessary to heal our hearts. 

Maybe I should have titled this..."the evolution of a selfie".  Maybe!?  

This selfie was taken 2 weeks ago.  We got all dressed up for a fun formal night at an Insurance Convention.  We laughed - giggled at our wrinkles and how it was hard to get the buttons set without our reading glasses.  But...we made it.  

I took this selfie to show -- we are having fun and we look good.  Our hearts are at such a different place and praise God that HE loved me through all those different selfies and moments when I sought human attention rather than HIS.  Praise God that I didn't grow up with social media as a kid... but prayers for our children who are growing up in this world with social media placing much pressure -- where God never intended.  

May this long blog bring freedom this eve - maybe even hope for another that God can redeem your lives as well.  Unsure HOW God will work this out in the head and heart of the reader - but I have faith and moved past my feelings of insecurity and posted.  

Fath over Feelings, BOLD blogged prayers #13. God's Word

I am going to try and keep this very simple and short.  That is indeed hard for me -- as I am a wordy writer.  

When I speak or give my opinion, I find it necessary for the listener to have all the facts and 'what' led to my opinion or decision.  My husband and I have  a secret code.  He will nudge me under the table if I am getting long winded.   This can be a source of discontentment at times,  as I listen to him,  often,  give his opinion and voice;  and it certainly seems "he" is giving all the extra details and I listen to it all.  So why can't he listen to me?    ( That is another blog...LOL...seriously, he has also nudged me in the RIGHT moments too where I was being long winded.) 

See ...did you see that? 

 Did you read that?  

I already started a rabbit trail.  Which can easily get off topic.  

 My point being -- I have made a conscience effort in the past 4-5 years to  'let my words be few'.  Meaning, only speak and say what needs to be said.  Or at least I try......


But seriously -- this blog is simple and short.  God's Word is the tool to help you overcome and have faith over your feelings.  Simply.    And I want to get that point across without taking up too much of your time to read this! 


Today, I woke at 4:34 am.  Quite suddenly.   Holy Spirit had a name on my tongue and I prayed for that person and situation.  It was very abrupt.  Who knows exactly WHAT was transpiring, but I felt led to pray. It was a simple prayer but I prayed and went back to sleep.  I also read Psalm 1 - just to make sure if the Holy Spirit wanted me UP and in prayer, I was a reading but I felt peace.     

When  I did get up,today,  the 'sadness' that was heavy on my heart this past weekend, was STILL here and so, I reminded myself what to do.  As I had reminded a sweet and precious sister in Christ to do this very thing yesterday!!  

So, "practice what I preach"! 

I grabbed my bible app and typed in 'sadness'.  

Revelation 21:4 in the NLT says, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be NO more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."  

Revelation 21:4 in the TPT says, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes and eliminate death entirely. No one will  mourn or weep any longer. The pain of wounds will no longer exist, for the old order has ceased.". 

I am going to memorize this verse today.  It is at my desk today as I work at my second job.  And I am confident that indeed, reciting God's simple words over my sadness -- will indeed bring forth peace and comfort.  

He gave us His love letter, His Voice to us for this purpose.  


Lord, thank you for the knowledge that indeed -- YOUR Word is alive and active.  I believe YOU are right in those hearts that are hurting.  I believe YOU will move those mountains and indeed I release this sadness to you -- it is not my fault, nor it is my responsibility to fix.  You came for the brokenhearted and and YOU have met me in every situation to bring comfort and peace -- YOU will for them as well.  I know it and praise you for it.  IN Jesus name, may the one reading this today - believe HER faith is stronger than her FEELINGS...amen.   

Faith over Feelings. BOLD Blogged prayers #12 -- Suddenly.

Have you ever noticed how suddenly things can change in your life?

Sometimes, things happen that suddenly change for the good. Sometimes, things happen that suddenly change for the bad.

God’s word promises that no matter what, the good and the bad will be worked together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to his purpose for him. (Romans 8:28)

What the devil tries to mean for harm, God uses it for the increasing of His kingdom. (Genesis 50:20)

I think of that sweet IOWA family that took their young 5 week old daughter out to a ball game and suddenly their lives changed when a stray ball hit their 5 week old and suddenly their lives changed.  

I think of a sweet momma who became a single momma when suddenly the father left as he could no longer be that 'dad'. 

I think of a tired woman whose life changed instantly when she discovered that her sin created a life within her that didn't belong to her husband.  

I think of a faithful  woman who suddenly had to face the reality that her son somehow snapped and their lives have changed forever.  

I think of that dear country singer that signed the papers so his son could be an organ donor at the age of three. 

I think of a momma who has custody of her grandchildren now because her son continues to choose addiction over his faith and children. 

I think of a momma, working to make sure her paroled  son has a place to live and food on his table.   

I think of a young bride that is heartbroken and a widow  because of a drunk driver that killed her new husband as he was coming home from work.  

Sadly  or praise God -- several of these scenarios are on my prayer list and the others are stories I read in the news this weekend.  

There is MUCH sadness and hurt and pain....suddenly.  
To keep the faith - over  our feelings - has me even sad this evening.   Seeking God as to HOW I can help. 
I hurt for several of these woman and mommas.  

On line this eve -- I found this: 

I’ve read many stories in the Bible where God showed up suddenly. Where He changed things.

Saul (eventually Paul) was a man that persecuted believers. He killed many Christians for their faith in God. One day on the road to Damascus God suddenly shown a light and spoke to him. From that day Saul (eventually Paul) suddenly turned away from his life of killing to professing the law and love of God. (Acts 22)  

A mother came to Jesus because her daughter was possessed. Even when the disciples tried to urge Jesus to send her away, He showed compassion and heard her faith filled cry. Granting healing unto her daughter…. Suddenly. (Matthew 15:21-28)

God suddenly changed a heart. God suddenly healed.

So, what do we do in our pauses and waits, during the mountains and valleys in between the next suddenly?

Expect your suddenly today but prepare for tomorrow and wait for the Lord to come to you. (Malachi 3:1, Matthew 24:42 & 44)

Do not fear. God is preparing you for deliverance. It will come suddenly. (Joshua 10:9, Acts 12:7 & Isaiah 47:11, just to name a few).

Do not give up on the promises and dreams God has given you. Do not give up in your faith and trust that in His perfect timing He will suddenly move in your favor.

My dear brothers and sisters don’t get so caught up in the pause between your suddenlies that you do not allow God to work through you to live a life pleasing unto him. (I Thessalonians 4:1-12)

Like the Holy Spirit fire suddenly came down on the day of Pentecost (Acts2) God will suddenly return to take His Bride of Christ home (1 Thessalonians 5:2).

Make Him your refuge. Allow Him to be your strength in these pauses of your suddenlies (Psalm 34:8)

In the pauses of both the pain and excitement God wants you to fully rely and look to Him.

Be ready. Be still.  For on the day of your suddenly, all will see that HE IS God by the magnitude of the suddenly (Psalm 46:10)

Trusting and waiting…….


Lord, you know my heart this evening -- and its 'sadness'.  
I know that I know -- YOU can and will bring beauty from these ashes.  
Help me to just be a good witness and show love and mercy.  
Goodness Lord.... may Your Goodness be felt by the particular ones on my prayer list.  
Lord, for the ones that tomorrow -- a suddenly will happen.....I pray Your Will Be done.  

Amen.   

Faith over Feelings. Blogged Prayer #11 - Zoe vs Bio

Life .....  

Make no mistake, God is I AM.  He is absolutely all we need, but He delights in us not only needing Him but also wanting Him.  

So, He gives us something we have craved physically on a daily basis since the beginning of time -- bread.    But He isn't just bread.  He is the Bread of Life.  

Last night -- my husband and I set off on a date and enjoyed supper at Chedder's in Pt. St. Lucie.  The previous time we enjoyed their atmosphere, we both were NOT on Weight Watchers and counting points.  Since vacation -- neither one of us have really been counting, but they have a pre- dinner snack or appetizer of crescent rolls.  Buttered. Fresh. Soft. Perfectly flaky. Crescent Rolls.  Um..need I say more?  

Bread.  The most delicate and sweet taste that literally melts in your mouth. And of course - they bring FOUR of them.  I couldn't just stop at one -- I was starving.  I couldn't even connect to the Wi-Fi to see how many points I was harming myself with -- so, I guess it is best that I wasn't able to really know the damage.    But, OH, THEY, were SO good.  

Bread.  

God is our Bread of Life.  

There are two words for life in the Bible.  One is BIOS, which is used 10x in the Bible, which means, "breath in your lungs or physical life".   The other is ZOE, which means "possessed with vitality looking to the fullness of life."  It is used 135x in the Bible.  

 ^{Luke 21: 34} “Be careful that you never allow your hearts to grow cold. Remain passionate and free from anxiety and the worries of this life. Then you will not be caught off guard by what happens. Don’t let me come and find you drunk or careless in living like everyone else.

This verse has that word life --  the bios meaning.  A physical meaning -- our life, remain passionate or you could lose your life.  

  ^{1 John 5: 2} Whoever has the Son has eternal life; whoever does not have the Son does not possess eternal life.

This verse has that word life -- the zoe meaning.  When you have Jesus -- you have eternal life.   


Isn't it interesting that the ZOE word for life is 125x more than the physical word life.  
What does that mean to you ?  

I believe it means that we are to spend or believe or think more about our eternal life  rather than our present life here on earth.  

Jesus doesn't just want me to walk around with breath in my lungs  with a shell of existence. He wants us to have a rare vitality, experiencing the fullness of soul someone would experience when Jesus Himself does everyday life with us.  


I want that.  

I crave that.  




Lord, today is a day where our family worked together to accomplish something BIG.  We worked to clear trees from our daughter's home so their insurance wouldn't be  assessed a penalty or even cancelled.  We worked, trimmed, removed, and then cleaned up.  We spent a purposeful time -- making something better so that there would be a longer life for their home and their finances.  Lord -- I treasure that we could do that -- 

However, Lord, there are MANY moms and dads where their work is providing funds to send to a jail or facility so their sons, daughters, and even husbands can just phone home or have a simple toothbrush.  We are humbled that we are NOT in that situation -- but there are so many around us that are.   Lord, too many.  Just too many.  

 Lord, there are grandparents raising children and speaking life into them...that ZOE life.  Lord, there are adult children that don't understand about Your ZOE life or have made choices where their eternal home may be questioned.  And there are adult children who physical bread comes only at the mercy of a jail worker, feeding them on a tray.  Goodness Lord, they are loved as much as any others -- and their parents and grandparents are faithful..... their parents and grandparents loved them  and still love them as much as I cherish my children.  

Lord, you know my heart is heavy for these sweet mommas and grandmothers that I hold before you in prayer -- fill them.  

I just come to you today and pray for those  others that can relate to this blogged prayer and post - continue to provide them encouragement, remind them that YOU see them and that YOU know.   Provide  Lord,   simply provide what is needed.  May their season of question and hurt not be in vain.   Lord, as they seek YOU  - may they find joy -- even in this season and that vitality that YOU created us to have.   Goodness Lord, and help us - me - those around them to minister as Your hands and feet to remind them that indeed their tears and cries are heard.  You are heartbroken with them, but that YOU still have a great plan for them and eternally -- there will be peace.  

 In Jesus name...Amen. 

Faith over Feelings Prayer/Day #10 -- I am married to Donny Osmond!

So, if you are following this series of prayer blogs, then you realize that I may be off one day, but I gave myself a holiday on the 4th and today is Day #10. 

10 has some GREAT significance.  
First of all if you are a math teacher, you realize the COOLNESS of 10 and if you are into scripture and the value of numbers -- you also know how COOL 10 is. 

In the Bible, the number 10 is used 242 times. The designation "10th" is used 79 times. Ten is also viewed as a complete and perfect number, as is 3, 7 and 12. It is made up of 4, the number of the physical creation, and 6, the number of man. As such, 10 signifies testimony, law, responsibility and the completeness of order.

In Genesis 1 we find the phrase "God said" 10 times, which is a testimony of His creative power.
 God gave the 10 Commandments to man. Ten therefore represents man's responsibility to keep the commandments. 

A tithe is a 10th of our earnings and is a testimony of our faith in the Lord.

The Passover lamb was selected on day 10 of the 1st month (Exodus 12:3), as was Jesus, the Lamb that takes away the sins of the world (John 12:28 - 29; 1Corinthians 5:7). Day 10 of the 7th month is also the Holy Day known as the Day of Atonement. This unique day of fasting pictures the removal of Satan, the author of sin, before the Millennial reign of Jesus begins (Revelation 20:1 - 2).

What does the number ten and Donny Osmond have to do with today's blog?  ...reality.  

I felt Holy Spirit gave me this blog yesterday and as I wrestled with it, talked in my head to myself and sought God, I found myself laughing.  Seriously?  If you know me - you know my childhood crush on Donny Osmond.   

What it is about him?  Well, as a child and one of nine siblings, I noticed they had a BIG family.  And I watched and grew up in the 70's watching TV.  Watching the Brady Bunch.  Watching Eight is Enough and watching how others behaved and got along.  It was my view to the outside world and it was what helped me believe that my family too -- could be that TV family.  What can I say, TV does influence.  It does.  Media does influence, it does.  

Ok, so back to Donny -- I have probably seen every video on You Tube.  I would tape their TV show on a cassette player, as I was outside helping my Dad milk the cows,  and listen to it later that night cause I had NO clue what a VHS recorder was, nor did we have one! ( Or could afford one!)   I found old  VHS tapes  on the Donny and Marie Web site and paid a pretty penny to order them and made my kids watch.  That was indeed fun and they admit d it was a variety show.  Almost all of their shows from the 70's  were played and replayed  on Saturdays in our home  back in the 90's!  I have read almost every bit of text written and even read his book.  I can tell you the names of his sons and I used to know the names  of his Grandkids but now there are too many ...that is getting creepy... I know... right? 
 He is a social media freak and shares much -- but please...keep reading.  

The point is -- as a child, he became an idol.  He isn't now.  He is a FUN  crush and what I enjoy  is reading  about him, listening to him, and watching at times.  ( Like going to Vegas last February!) 

However, I married Donny Osmond.  

I didn't realize it back in 1983....but, I married my idol.  I was in love and he was cute -- handsome...still is.  But, I married a man whom I thought was perfect.  

Unfortunately, I wasn't mature and placed him so high on a pedestal and made him an idol that I nearly suffocated him and me both.  

"Man will always fail us".... and Bren failed me - and yet, I failed God.  

God knew.  He allowed.  And that glass house I had created with him in it -- broke.   We have about ten years....of yuck.   

 There...that is the connection to the number ten.  

My point to this is -- time can be an enemy but in reality -- time is something God created and He created it perfectly.  

I had placed my husband before my Lord.  He was the one that I focused on.  He was my idol.  The Prince Charming that was my soul mate for my lifetime.  


If you know my story  or our story, you know we went through about 3 very ROUGH years....but, many didn't see the four  years  leading up to those three and then the three afterwards where healing began and was worked at -- daily.  In my head - 2004 - 2014 was the season God allowed to grow us both! 

It took faith over my feelings.    It took faith on Brendan's part over his feelings. 

It took faith to believe that my marriage wasn't over when many told me it was.  
It took faith to believe that he would  want our marriage when he had stated, 'he never was in love from day one'. 
It took faith to believe that  God could change a person's heart.  Now....he was willing to have his heart changed as God moved and orchestrated so much.  I do believe we have free will, but I also believe that God is up there -- moving mountains and allowing circumstances to fall because of our choices ....that.... God does draw those wandering back in and His Word does change the heart.  


It has to be...
I have to have faith that people can change -- through Christ.  Otherwise -- why even pray or have hope?  


So, today -- in Day #10 of this series of prayers, I am being transparent and stating....or asking...is your husband an idol?  Is your boyfriend an idol?   Is there something else that is an idol?   Is there something that demands your time  -- that there is no time to really get to know God?  Is there something or someone or even a hurt that keeps you from being a part of a family of believers each week and serve?  What keeps you from being the hands and feet of Christ?  
Have you responded to the Great Commission?  


What is your passion?  
What do you think about the moment you wake up?  

I have to be clear here -- my husband did make some choices that broke me and our children and yet, he has also made choices that have rebuilt our home...our children...and God has used  our story to give hope to others.  

We both will attest and we agree -- it sucked, it was hard, but we both know we wouldn't change what happened -- cause it brought us both to rely on HIM.  And ONLY HIM.  And it took those ten years.  

  Back to idols, for me - it was my family for SO many years, to display the perfect family with the perfect house and that perfect display each Sunday .... 35 to be exact -- but at 45, something changed and I was so broken that I needed a Savior.  I believe I knew of Jesus before that -- but HE didn't become my Savior and God didn't become 1st -- until a fateful weekend back in February of 2011.  

Lord, for the one or many reading this -- I pray they don't have idols.  I pray they DO know that Jesus is their true Savior and that God is the head.  I pray Holy Spirit has permission to speak and convict and they hear Him -- daily.  I pray that whatever they are 'feeling'.....that is a knowledge that their faith IS indeed stronger than their feelings.  


And Lord, I am praying for that one special girl.  I call her a girl -- and yet, she is a young woman.  A married woman - who is seeking YOUR faith and her faith over the hurt feelings right now of betrayal.  Goodness Lord...ONLY YOU know how the marriage will finally end....redeemed or dissolved.  However, Lord..... I pray that she is doing exactly what you want ....whether it is waiting or releasing because YOU have commissioned it.  Either way Lord...I know that I know -- YOU have made her a promise -- and SHE will SEE the victory in this - in YOUR time.  IJN  AMEN. 

 

Faith over Feelings BOLD prayers Day#9 -- He told her, "I no longer love you".

I have to admit, when I hear those words, I immediately can allow my thoughts to go backwards as I heard those words before, but I make a conscience decision to remind myself what God tells me.

I have to believe my faith over the feelings that are welling up within me.  

God tells me I am the head and not the tail.
God tells me that He died for me.
God tells me that He sent His only Son so that I might live.
God tells me the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. 
God tells me I am His esteemed daughter.
God tells me I am deeply loved.
God tells me that HE will hold my right hand and guide me!  

God tells me so much more -- but I need to state something.

Often, I hear this statement, "he said he no longer loves me" - often.  A precious woman that loves God is seeking  some counsel. 

 I admit, I wish I had a PHD in psychology  or some counseling  degree posted on my wall, but I don't.  I have some life experiences that have molded and shaped me and I do know some scripture that tells me  - God wins!!   However, even  as I pray and seek God, I too ask myself at times, "Lord, how can I help her?"  


I seek  these two scriptures: 

"He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus"
 Phil 1.6


 "I waiting patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry." Psm. 40.1

So, what can I tell her?  

Dear one - beloved,   Your heavenly Father loves you and has allowed this season within your life and within your marriage to get your attention.  His heart hurts too that your husband is NOT being the head of the household as He intended, but indeed God can help you and be RIGHT with you as you walk out this season and believe that indeed  - God can change hearts!   
Dear  beloved --  I know what it feels like to hear your husband tell you ALL that you  have done wrong.  I know how it feels to hear all the 'bad' and think -- you will never see any good!  I know what it feels like to see and look at a situation that seems hopeless - but I want to encourage you -- God can win!  

Dear beloved,  when a husband says that he does not love you  anymore it can be for many reasons.  Yes, it can be because he has decided to love another.  Yes, it can be because he is deep in some sort of sexual sin.  And yes, it can be just because he is tired.   It is hard to exactly pin point exactly the WHAT or the WHY -- but all you can do is accept the words but, I pray you won't allow them to penetrate your soul.

Let me explain, when a person is not seeking Jesus, asking Jesus to fill  up their heart and soul, and calling upon Jesus for guidance and direction -- then WHOM are they listening too?  

I believe they are choosing to listen to the enemy.  When a husband wants out of a marriage or  whatever -- I do believe that it is not because of "you" -- but because of WHOM they are listening too.  They are deceived. 


The enemy. 
 Satan.  
"The Evil one" as my nephew says.  
Because if a man was seeking God and he was upset or there was really something that was deeply troubling to him, he would pray and seek you as his wife to help SOLVE the problem.  He would also ask you to seek counsel with him and he would want to make sure that above all things -- He was pleasing God first and then his wife and family.  

 
However -- many marriages don't 'run' like this.  Sometimes it takes a MAJOR breakdown or problem for each to see there is something wrong and maybe it is BOTH that need a good God fixing.  But -- that can be sorted out later -- my point is this -- 

YOU my dear beloved and precious friend -- can only DEAL with you and your thoughts and feelings and you can only CHANGE yourself.   So, with God on your side and by taking a good God look into the marriage and relationship -- I do believe there is HOPE and there can be a good outcome.   I call these 360's or full circle.  As I believe that God, who began a GOOD work in you -- won't stop until it is in completion.   However...we must align ourselves with HIM and submit our lives totally to HIM first.  

And, I know also that God can work through divorce and remarriage.  God can also work through a donkey -- just read the story in the bible.  God is creative and wants His best for his children, but so often the choices we have made bring forth consequences that indeed can hurt us and hinder us, but I must believe that through it all -- Good can be achieved and God's design is the ultimate perfect plan -- so we must do our best to get back into that plan.  

So...  my sweet precious daughter of the MOST High God -- make a list  of what you may need to repent for and seek forgiveness of or for.   Make a list of those 'bad' things and begin to ask God to help you change WHAT you can and then change what or how the rest are perceived by your husband.  

If your husband loves Jesus -- well, let's be honest -- if he really loves Jesus he is seeking you for prayer as well, but if your husband is seeking his own gods...then begin to make a list of what you can pray over him.   Your prayers over him are powerful.   Begin to show and extend grace and mercy to your husband and allow the Lord to begin to soften his heart.  

If you are in ANY danger, please seek help or call 911 -- there is no need to feel unsafe in your own home.  Get 2-3 women to be prayer warriors with you and pray about asking 1-2 women to hold you accountable for your own daily walk with God.  And begin each day -- praising God for this season.  

As this season, can change you -- for the better!  You can become bitter or better -- I myself was a bit angry and bitter for a good 1-2  months but then decided that I was going to be better.    It was a LONG haul and a process -- but God walked me through each moment and each step.  When I wanted to quit and give up on my marriage or my husband, God sent a prayer warrior or some sort of living angel to encourage me and remind me that indeed God can win!  

I also sought help - counsel from a godly woman and I sought the internet and read a few Christian Blogs that encouraged me and gave me hope.  I also sought some references like Crosswalk. Com and Focus on the Family.  There are MANY resources out there -- there is HOPE.  

Lord, I pray for this one -- may her faith win over her feelings.  May there me victory in you.  May she know what she needs to do as she will answer to You one day.  Lord, hold her --  In Jesus name, Amen.  

Faith over Feelings. BOLD prayer for the lost - Day #8

Often Christians get a bad rap. 
 And perhaps -- rightly so.  
In the 'name' of Christ -- many were killed and martyred.  
In the 'name of Christ -- many were murdered.  

And even many, who claim to be Christlike ....still do many un- Christlike things.    Including me.  I am very unworthy and full of my flesh on some days.  I am human and yet, I have a passion to want to try and 'save you'....but that is NOT my job. 

 That is why Jesus came.  Holy Spirit convicts, God draws you near, and Jesus is the Savior.  


Jesus did come as an example of how we are to live.  He was perfect.

  Some religions believe he was a created being.  Another religion believes he is the brother of Lucifer.   Others feel he was a good man and maybe a prophet but don't believe He is a part of the Trinity and that He was a part of that Trinity even as the world was created.  


I believe He was.  I believe He is fully God and became fully man - for me.  I believe  He died on that Cross and rose from the dead.  For me. And for you. 

He was David's root and the Lamb who died to ransom the slave - me.  

He is the Lion of Judah who conquered the grave - for me.  

Is anyone else able to break the seal and open the scroll?   No, not I! 

Either you believe that and have faith in that -- or maybe your feelings tell you otherwise.  

Maybe you 'just know' ....or have formed in your mind and heart that God is love and Jesus was a good person, but not the Savior.  That God is oneness and love and that you can be the light within you.  

Or maybe  you have read and feel that God is so much bigger than any of 'this' and that no matter what, there is no hell and heaven is for everyone. That all roads lead to God.      

Maybe God is really not THE God but just a god.  


THAT is what I mean when I speak about the lost.  Lost in  this world.   

 Yet, many of those good people - those 'spiritual' people don't believe they are  lost.  Yet.... they feel I may be narrow minded and wrong.  

You know - it's not that I 'feel' or think I am better. 

I am a sinner -- saved by grace and I don't take this lightly.  I want to stay in tune with the vine and continually grow. 

I want all the promises of God - His Word is alive, a living Word.  

 I don't want to be the one this one from Matthew 7: 

21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’


The statement was made to me, "God doesn't create you in His image and then send or punish you to hell".  

God didn't created hell for me - He created hell for Satan and his angels that turned their backs on God.  

I don't believe God sends anyone to hell - we choose our way there.  And I believe that there will be many 'good' people in hell.  

I believe God's Word.  God's Word has survived 2000 years...  there are over 15,000 manuscripts written by over 40 different people over  a span of 1500 years that all SAY the same thing.    Many of those manuscripts were written within 30 years of when Christ died.   So a first hand account.   This can be proved.  Real documents.  Real proof.  This makes sense!    

Even the works of Plato, Socrates, and Shakespeare ... have only 1000 copies that were  written after  their lifetime ...100 years past their existence.   And yet, we use them in college for classes and call upon their wisdom and words.  Yet...there are ONLY 1000 or so copies.  And yet... 15,000 of God's Word.  

Can you see the irony?  How can you refute the validity of what God has made sure -- is front of us.  His Word...His Love letter to us.   Yet, so many will make it so difficult or read anything and everything under the sun....and still be deceived and not even open God's Word to find out for themselves.  


It does break my heart when close family or friends have a warped or wrong view of God.  They are determined and know that they know, they are right and I am wrong.  

Or I am too narrow minded.   Perhaps if I only would 'allow' the possibility that there is MORE God wants to show and teach me......


I do agree - God has MUCH more from me, but where is the source ..where is it coming from?  God's Word... or our feelings and our own heads?  

I wrestled with this blog yesterday.  I wrestled with one that thinks I am narrow minded and wrong.   And I had to be reminded that  it is not my responsibility to change her thoughts -- only God can.   She has free will, but I believe in God's Word:  

In Matthew 18: 
14 Now you should understand that it is never the desire of your heavenly Father that a single one of these humble believers should be lost.”


And as I wrestled and sought God -- He answered --  this am -- God spoke to me through a text and confirmed it in my heart through another.    He hears.  

His sheep hear him.  

John 10 says: 

27 My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.

Part of what God spoke to me today was through a prayer I received. 

 It it worth posting -- if you have a loved one who is lost -- join the faith in this prayer and pray it with me and we will have faith over our feelings that our loved ones, who are lost, will be saved.   This prayer was for  "her" but you could change the prayer for a "him" or even insert their name...   

Iron sharpens iron and I am so grateful and thankful that I have godly friends that listen to the Holy Spirit.  I vented to a few of them yesterday.  And yet, God knew what He would speak over another early this am.  I never spoke to the one who texted me a prayer today.   And she sent me this:  

       Father, I lift my sister today, I bring her and my sisters from our Bible study to your throne room and I pour them at your feet!   I thank you Father that you are not surprised by anything, there is no step we are called to take that you haven't already seen and made provision for!  No place we have to go that you haven't been! 
         So we can have full confidence that you - the creator of heaven and earth, the alpha and omega, the lover of our souls, know exactly where we are, what we feel and carry the healing we need!   
        Thank you Lord for making us whole again! This am, I, Father, stand with my sister as we choose YOU!  We choose YOUR peace!  We choose YOUR plan! We choose to stand in confidence and faith in  You!   We choose to feel your presence!   And we choose to praise and worship you!  

 Thank you for your faithfulness today and forever more!!  In Jesus Name, I pray your promises to your children over myself and my sister!  Amen.  

I was floored.  And wept with holy hands as I thanked God for reminding me that what I had prayed and felt and faithed the day before ...was indeed sanctioned or blessed by HIM!    THIS is indeed such a inner joy -- to know that you are in the will of God.  

Humbled.  

Then as I shared just a tidbit of my yesterday, God spoke again through her  2nd prayer:  

      Lord, God, we are going to believe that  YOU, OUR  God is bigger than her mortal thoughts and know that You know her heart -- that as she seeks -- she will find you.
        Father we ask you in the name of Jesus, the name that every knee, including the knees of "the guides", the knee of "Mother Earth", and the every mortal knee that  bows to  in that precious name,  we speak clarity and wisdom -- better yet, Jesus we ask you physically dissect and cut apart each and every lie and twisted "truth" she is believing and make them straight! 
       Make them a straight arrow, pointing to you!!   We pray the blood of Jesus over her mind and spirit. 
        You love her Lord, more than we will and make a way for her to see truth and understand your love for her.  Until she does Lord, we cover her with your blood!!  Thank you that she will be in heaven!!   You promised generations, not just forward, but all generations to us.  

Thank you for the harvest that is her soul!!  Amen 

So, if you have some lost within your reach -- don't lose hope.  Faith over feelings.  I pray you will pray this prayer over  - and over. Maybe even a few times.  Copy and paste it and or write it out and place it in your bible.  I am.... I am believing in God's Promises.  Amen.