Faith over Feelings. BOLD blogged prayers and insights - or confessions! Day #14 - Selfies

So, it is time.  I have avoided this blog but it needs to be shared.  I wrote it many months ago and then shelved it. 
I have FAITH that this will speak to someone but it will also give some freedom to another.  
I also believe the reason I was prompted to share was indeed me acting on faith over my feelings.  


First things first.  
I may or may not have a selfie - problem.  Actually I realize that I did have a selfie fetish but now, it is something for fun or expression.  

I spent an hour this evening  looking up information and reading  about selfies and WHY people take them so often. Some have their FB pages littered with selfies and others don't.  Some use filters with each other and others go 'all natural'. 

My current selfie and profile photo on FB. 

Per the articles I read, selfies are a form of self- expression.   Many social media sites use the selfie as a way to identify oneself. That makes sense, many of our phones have face recognition, therefore a selfie or photo is needed.   


The articles I read, informed me that those who take many selfies over and over  may  be   in that narcissism category.  A narcissistic person wants to show off and show others how good or how perfect she is.    I guess -  You would have to really check my phone, as I usually take 4-5 to find that perfect one to post, but I don't see myself as narcissistic!   But maybe?  No...  my selfies can get silly and a bit OUT there at times, but I am pretty sure I am not a narcissist! 

Some Selfies are created to be a part of a group -- for example, posting your photo with an "I VOTED" sticker shows you belong.  Posting a photo of YOU and your grand-daughters remind the world of social media that you were celebrating Grandparents day with them!  And I viewed as I scrolled FB this even - there is a new filter to take a selfie and see how you will look  as an 80 year old.....


And others may post selfies because they suffer from machiavellianism.  

What on earth is that?  That is where you wish to manipulate others.  So Your selfie may be established with a political party or a cause in which you want someone to pay attention to.    That did make sense. 


Like WHICH team really is the best?   

I love social media and taking a selfie to me - represents me and I  use it to identify- me.    I have had some selfies where I am holding a sword and even promoting pro-life.  

Somedays,  I want to be silly and other days I want the world to be reminded that my husband and I beat the devil at his game when he tried to destroy us.  


  And other times, I am guilty of self-objectification--  

--Which is basically posting the BEST photo of yourself so that others may view  it and  see it  and it is usually associated with a view some sort of sexual content. Or with some sort of sexual connection.    Sexual?  

Well, sexy...  we know we look HOT or good and we want others to know it too. 

 I admit.   Guilty.  I grew up thinking I was ugly and fat.   My parents did their best, but I didn't have one or both of them feeding into my ego on a daily basis.  I was a 'farm girl'.  Not a model or TV personality.  And there was a period of my life where I was finally seeing myself as a beautiful woman - on the outside.   I am embarrassed about this one selfie.  

I dropped a lot of weight in about 3 months and here I am...sitting on a potty.  Oh, excuse me, I am sitting on a commode and snapping a selfie.  Which I posted.  It stayed on FB for a good hour or two.  If you look closely -- you can SEE the toilet paper roll dispenser thing behind me.  I used the 'filter' of black and white and I felt I looked hot.  HOT.....

The truth was - I was SO brokenhearted and lonely.   I was 'single' and at THIS point, didn't see where our marriage would survive and so therefore, I was putting on a brave face and telling the world or at least those on the social media site - FB, that I was smiling and looked good.  

Forgive me.  

This is the purpose of this blog.  And I am stepping out in faith that you will hear my heart in this blog and plea.  

 By the way, my daughter texted me or even called me out while I was still at that restaurant and she told me, "ma, take that down - I can see you are on the toilet!"   "Mom...seriously - what are you thinking?".  

What was I thinking?  I truly was convinced that someone, some godly mentor would find my husband and pull up this picture and scream at him about how he was an idiot and that he should work his tail off to get me back.  Or at least.... seek counsel.  That he was an idiot.  

showing off my 2nd grand girl - SJ

Honestly - THAT is what I know was in my head. And I would post a new one...every few days.  When I grabbed a niece or two, their smiles made me feel like I wasn't hogging the photo or selfie, but still -- I wanted compliments and attention and I was determined that some how and some way -- God would make sure my estranged hubby would see my photo and totally repent and come crawling back.    Just being honest..and transparent -- THAT was my thinking.  


When we are broken and hurting -- we do stupid stuff.  We post silly and self-objectification and self- seeking photos that demand reactions and comments.  We want attention.   We want to let everyone know what we look like and we want to be looked at and we may be fishing for some good compliments.  

Using SJ's hand to convey a message - NO to sex slavery!

This is where FAITH comes in.  Our identity, our true selves are only whole and satisfied when we know and experience our identity in Christ.  But even those of us who know this truth -- may still struggle and post a few more selfies that grab other's attention.  

It grabs mine - I pray.  I can see the hurt when a loved one is literally posting a selfie two times a day or at least once a day.  And it is always the same.... but maybe there is some caddy expression or even a declaration of faith, but in reality, it is a way for them to express their hearts and heads.    Selfies are an acceptable way to communicate.  

Sharing one of the first photos of our Ava...

However, I pray it does not define us.  I pray it does not define me.  

And that goes along  with our other photos -- not just selfies.  
Let's take a look, are we posting photos  that would make our Grandfathers blush? 
Do I really need to see what you ate and did on your date with your hubby while wearing a very revealing outfit? 
 WHAT are you trying to say?    What  would your future granddaughter think?  Are we as Titus 2 women - setting a good example for the young ones around us?  



So, by faith -- I am believing that the momma's reading this will think twice about allowing their daughters to post 'sexy' type selfies and photos on their FB pages -- why is it necessary? 
    And by faith, I am praying that the momma's reading this will get the gumption to speak up and be a Titus 2 woman to their daughters and the ones around them....modesty is a good thing!   
    And by faith, I am believing that those that continue to post selfies every few days with different filters -- seek Jesus and get to the point where they can KEEP their selfie photo for a whole month-- without using any filters.  
   And by faith I pray that some of us actually FAST putting any photos up of our activities for a few weeks -- and spend that time seeking GOD for the root of the problem -- and seeking HIM for some healing. What may be the root or cause for my constant need to post? 
   And by faith, I am going to believe that my heart was expressed -- I am not the selfie police, I just felt it was time to admit -- that I used to post selfie's cause I needed attention as I was hurt.  I praise God I am in a better spot ....now. 
   And I praise God that I had a daughter and other pals that could call me out -- and keep me grounded when I posted a potty selfie.  

 This was my first selfie on FB.  I was thin...hadn't been eating.  Blake had just passed and I knew something was wrong in my marriage but I didn't know what.  EAch time someone asked me 'if I was ok'.... the enemy fed into it, but I began to realize that I needed Jesus even more.  

The night my husband left - this was the photo and selfie I posted -- telling the world, it was JUST us three and we were going to be OK!    Smiles...make everyone think all is well.  



 

 Then when the rumors were a running that we were separated -- I posted this one from when we first moved to Okeechobee -- by faith, I believed we'd smile like that again.    

    This photo was posted on August 8, 2011.  We had decided to sell our house and it had an offer.  Counsel had started and I posted this selfie with the belief that the smile we had ....would prove to many that GOD could WIN.

Then in August of 2012 -- we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary - the smiles were not faked or awkward.  It still  took faith to post a photo of the two of us - as we were not really healed then, but by faith, we were moving forward and doing the work necessary to heal our hearts. 

Maybe I should have titled this..."the evolution of a selfie".  Maybe!?  

This selfie was taken 2 weeks ago.  We got all dressed up for a fun formal night at an Insurance Convention.  We laughed - giggled at our wrinkles and how it was hard to get the buttons set without our reading glasses.  But...we made it.  

I took this selfie to show -- we are having fun and we look good.  Our hearts are at such a different place and praise God that HE loved me through all those different selfies and moments when I sought human attention rather than HIS.  Praise God that I didn't grow up with social media as a kid... but prayers for our children who are growing up in this world with social media placing much pressure -- where God never intended.  

May this long blog bring freedom this eve - maybe even hope for another that God can redeem your lives as well.  Unsure HOW God will work this out in the head and heart of the reader - but I have faith and moved past my feelings of insecurity and posted.