Nothing is TOO difficult for me! - Desperate Prayer #8

BEHOLD, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is anything too difficult for me?    Jeremiah 32.27



Is anything  too difficult - NO!

I have seen a  broken heart healed.
I have seen a broken family restored.
I have watched a person that loved God harden his heart.
I have felt like really hurting another physically, yet God granted me mercy and kept me still.
I have felt the Holy Spirit tell me another would be healed and now the medical records agree! 
I  have been so panic struck  that I wanted to literally KILL something - and HE protected me.
I have been in situations where the Holy Spirit took over my voice box and I know that I know God spoke through me.
I have felt like the only hope was going to heaven......and He comforted.
I have been lied too - believed I was not good enough in God's eyes.
I believed lies cause I did not understand who I was in Christ.
I have seen miracles of healing happen right in front of my eyes.
I have seen women trust God and rebuke anti-anxiety medication and become free of pill!  
I have seen others release baggage from YEARS of pain and hurt and be set free.
I have prayed with a young woman and watched how God's grace and mercy overcame her - and she was able to forgive a man that abused her.
I have been forgiven and redeemed.
I have been adopted by God and my name is in the Lamb's book of life.

And most recently - I have seen how God used my own pain and circumstance to teach another to show grace and mercy and to forgive .....and it brought forth SO much blessing.   

I share all of that -- cause I realize that GOD can do anything....HE saved me.


Nothing is too difficult.

If you read my blogs, you know I often remind myself that I am so blessed.  And  humbled!!   God  has brought several  to me in the past few months that need to know -- GOD can do anything.
God did not save me -- for me to sit by idle and keep quiet.
God did not do a miracle within my family for me to sit by idle and keep quiet.
Satan will be defeated ...we ALL know he will be in the end, but until he is cast into that Lake of Fire -- he is doing everything within his power and with his 1/3 of the fallen angels to STEAL, KILL, and destroy.  If you don't believe this -- your head must be in the sand.  

I have said it before -- I think that sometimes, women give up and give in too soon.  Even men do this and divorce comes and many believe this is the better outcome.

From personal experience and LOTS of counsel -- the problems one is trying to get away from don't go away -- it will follow you -- satan is lying if he is telling you that 'things will be better with someone new'. 

I believe also, that when there is true forgiveness....there is no bitterness or malice or using the children to manipulate.  So many of us are so guilty of this.   It hurts.  I saw it again last night - on Dancing with the Stars...how a BackStreet boy is broken -- cause his family was /is broken.  

Our actions have consequences.  yes.   But our obedience brings rewards.  

God's will IS to restore.

God's will is for families to be whole.
God's will is for a marriage to be fixed, redeemed, and made new.

I personally don't believe that God 'releases' people.  Men or Women.  I know it says in the bible that "if adultery is committed....you are legal to divorce".

Poppy cock.  Believe me, I struggled  but God clearly told me - show grace and mercy.

And I got to thinking ....  So, yes, maybe you can't forgive something -- but the bible says that unforgiveness will keep you from heaven.

And what about all ones that maybe don't actually have 'sex' with another but lust over photos,  or maybe commit adultery within their hearts.  In God's eyes - THAT is still sin -- as 'big' as the one who actually had sex with another man's wife.  Furthermore,  if we are involved with a married man, even when they are on the road to divorce -- this is not HIS will as well.  If we are really listening to the Holy Spirit -- it will bear witness. 

I won't say it is 'easy'.  Restoration can only come when one has godly sorrow which leads to repentance and then....restoration and healing can come. And that free will thing in there. 

I hated free will.
I love free will.
I hate free will.
I love free will. 

One of the most important lessons the therapist reminded me of almost EACH time we met for over a year as we were doing the HARD part of reconciliation... is that... "do you want your husband to write you a note cause he wants to ...or cause you  quilted him in doing it?"  And I think of God.... for 38 years...I only had 'devotion' for HIM cause that was what I was suppose to do...not because I wanted to be HIS  Bride. 

Are you loving God that much?  Are you willing to be HIS Bride and not His date?  Affairs, porn...addiction...are all SYMPTOMS of greater problems -- period.  No one should say ...God did this. 

God does not bring you pill.
God does not provide the 'perfect' person to come into your life when your marriage is falling.
I don't believe God releases you from a marriage -- I believe God can bring beauty out of the ashes of your choices -- but there will be judgement with HIM at that Cross.  
God does not 'allow' young people to live together before they get married to TRY it out or share expenses.     There are consequences for all of our actions. 
God does not pour the drink.
God did not drive you to the clinic to have a quick fix because you had a 'rough' weekend and now there is a life inside of you.  

God did not 'hit' or slander you into doing something -- wrong.  
You did -- influenced by Satan - pure evil.  

Just stating facts.  

But PRAISE God - there is NO Condemnation in Christ Jesus.  
Fall to HIM...and then...the clean up can begin. 

And please,   I am NOT condemning....I realize that a miracle occurred within our family.  But in some families peace only comes when a mom and dad separate.  It is hard.  God can bring beauty out of those ashes.  I have seen it.

 Unfortunately, we can not control the free will of another.  Even God gave us Free will.

Free will sucks when you are a wife - desperate to 'save' a marriage.

However,  free will is  beautiful when that marriage is restored and the wife knows....he is back home and not because he was manipulated to do so -- because it was his free will to work at a marriage, to honor a commitment, and to seek God and HIS will.  

Life stinks.  We were not promised bliss -- we were promised much, but as the verse goes, it rains on the just and unjust -  - the bottom line is that
WHEN we are brokenhearted --when there is something missing within our lives -- when we have idols that fill our lives - the only proper thing that can FILL that missing part - ---
               the only proper person that can truly  heal us ---
the only way we can see and believe that Nothing is TOO difficult for God -- is IF we TRUST HIM.

Our trust has to be in God.

Jeremiah 17. 5-6 says:
Cursed is the one who trusts in man , who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord.  He will be like a bush in the wastelands, he will not see prosperity when it comes and he will dwell in the parched places of the desert.

Jeremiah 17. 7-8:
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be like a tree planted near water, he does not fear when fire comes and there are no worries of drought!

As my sister and my mom will say, "everyone has their own path and journey".  I on the other hand agree but I want to SPEED it up .....
I have 'healed pain'...which in some sense is wisdom.  I know it really took me a LONG time to understand that I did not trust God.  I had idols.  Many.  It took me a long time to understand that I COULD not depend on man ....or my flesh for strength as -- that died.  That idol had to be 'killed'.

It was only when I took that leap of faith and told my self OVER and OVER and OVER....that God was going to win.  God would take PERFECT care of me and God would make sure -- I was going to be fine.

Then...something changed.

How does this look like to the outside world?

You would of seen me writing down scripture  upon scripture verse  in my spiral in my purse.
You would of seen me alone in my bedroom, pacing and singing to the TOP of my lungs to some very specific Christian music that spoke life.
You would see me talking to God - often in my mirror -- even shaking my fist at God -- and then seeking HIS forgiveness as I was just trying to make some sense of stuff.  God knew I was mad at Him -- so speaking it and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak back at me......was therapy.
I did bible studies -- I totally recommend Kay Arthur's "heal my hurts".
I called a few Christian friends that let me vent and then they'd pray.
I would fall asleep with my bible tucked under my blanket.
I read and reread Psalms and wrote and wrote prayers for me, for my kids..and others.
I posted scripture on Facebook that SPOKE to me that day and soaked up any wisdom that my Christian sister's  would post on my wall.
I went to church - anytime the doors were open -- seeking prayer...worshiping...crying...and believing that stuff would eventually be ok.
I would pray and speak out WHAT I wanted from God and remind God of His promises to me.
I read book upon book - that spoke of God's promises and helped me deal with my hurt.
I kept busy.
I also paid attention to others that I could pray for  and encourage.


Why am I sharing all of this tonight -- ????

I am encouraging a new friend --
I am encouraging another  -- as when I sought help, reading WHAT other women of faith did....reading other 'success' stories....blessed me and gave me HOPE.

So I pray this blog Post this eve...gives that one HOPE.
I also pray it ministers to another -- God is THAT big.


He may of directed a TOTAL stranger to this sight -- I believe He restored me and redeemed us -- cause HE wants us to let others know -- NOTHING is too difficult for HIM!

Amen.




Humbled.
I love you Lord.
Michelle

Desperate Prayers #7

I will try and be short  -- LOL.

I have come to the conclusion on something - someone.  God.  HE is Good.  I mean, I know that I am humbled and I can come to tears when I think about the sin that Jesus saved me from.....

But, the CHARACTER of God.....


I have heard preachers preach - I have read sermons - and I have taught and sat under super teaching -- all of which ...pointed to and reminded me that GOD is Good. 

But now -- or at least within the past 2-3 months, when circumstances have happened, or women have come to me with prayer requests ....instead of thinking..."Gosh Lord -- what or how and thinking and believing that event or circumstance ...just might 'have to' happen cause it LOOKS like it "--- 

I have found myself proclaiming ....yep..I am going to say it ..."hell no!".  "Satan, you are not going to win!"  Please forgive the word hell....I am trying to place some  emphasis  here.....how strong this woman ( me)  is desperately seeking for a REVERSAL of destiny....  ( I will blog about that in a few days.....)  and well -- my flesh still wants to doubt, but God has GIVEN me numerous reminders and occasions where miracles have occurred and I know that I know -- GOD wins.   So...I am not going to doubt. 

Ok....  Back in August -- the beginning of the month to be exact, a woman on our prayer thread asked for prayer.  A co-worker's mom was ill, she found out she was pregnant and did not know Jesus.  My dear prayer warrior and friend witnessed, encouraged, and did the hard thing about speaking out and encouraging the  woman NOT to go through the abortion.  Anyway....  We all prayed.  It has been two months.  There were a few updates and more turmoil for this woman...her mother passed away and recently she lost her job.  In the meantime,  my friend knew....she had planted seed, but she had to just leave it to God.  And it looked pretty certain that the women went  through the abortion.  We praised God another angel child was in heaven.... and we prayed for the mom who was in such bondage ....as we all believed God still was drawing this woman near. 

Last night - guess what -- that lady NEVER had the abortion. 

Have you seen WAR Room?  I did the Miss Clara dance all over my cottage.  My friend --the one who witnessed to her -- I know she danced.....but  GOD won. 

When it certainly seemed like it was hopeless and well....
Desperate prayers. 

I wanted to GET this OUT there on the blog - to encourage at least ONE person today --

Do not give up....!!!!

God wins!  



Lord, thank you.  In Jesus name, amen. 

My dearest child.......

Dear beloved....blessed, chosen, accepted, adopted, redeemed and forgiven --

I want to you to trust me, when it feels like your life is increasingly out of control, thank Me.  Thanking me is a supernatural response and it will lift you above your circumstances.    I have been watching you -- you may think it has only been the past 6 months....but I have been on your side since I formed you in the womb.  I knew when you would walk, I knew when you would be picked on, I knew when your brother would dissappoint you and I knew how you looked up to your sister -   ( Psalm 139.2).  I even sat next to you in that 8th grade classroom, I felt the pain as well that day and that year. 

As I have said, I want you to rise above the circumstances and allow a supernatural response.  I want your unfailing trust and love and my heart has been rejoicing as in the past several weeks....I have watched and welcomed home a child.  ( Psalm 139)  It  is true, I knew you would be here at this time -- but in MY time, glory comes.  I am not distant -- you feel me often and I am not angry with you  -- You are my righteous child - created new when you repented and sought my forgiveness...You are forgiven!  ( I John 4.16) It is my desire to lavish my love on you.  ( I John 3.7)

You are beating yourself up right now, but don't.  Don't put Jesus back up on that Cross, He died one time for ALL of your sins.  And, He is interceding for you.  He knows, your heart and He is your biggest cheerleader.  He knows, that every good gift comes from Me. ( James 1.17)  I have heard your cries, I can feel your pain and as you reach out to me and count on My Word to comfort you ....by my stripes you are healed.  I love you so much - ( Jer31.1) and my thoughts are countless as the sand on the seashore! ( Psalm 139)

Presently, it would appear that the desire of your heart seems impossible - I am the God of the impossible.  I won't stop doing good for you - ( Jerm 32.40) and you are my treasured possession.  ( Ex. 19.5) I desire to establish you with all of my heart and all of my soul.  ( Jer 32.41)  You are seeking me and you are finding me - in every moment.  ( Deut 37.4) So delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart!  ( Psalm 37.4)  as it is I who will give you those desires.  ( Phil. 2.13) 

Your husband can't be Hosea to You.  He can act like Hosea -- but I am your redeemer.  I am his redeemer too.  He is brokenhearted, so are you ....but I am close to the brokenhearted, and I am close to you.  ( Psalm 34.18)    Draw close to me and I will draw closer to you.  The tears you sow in pain, will reap in rewards.  As it says in my word, I am fighting for you , you need only be still.  I heard you tell another that today ..... that when you got still before Me - you could hear Me.  All of heaven rejoiced when you realized what Satan had done -- but no more.  No BUTS about it....  nothing is impossible and I want you to trust me - always giving thanks to Me the Father for everything, in the name of Jesus.  As you give thanks, as you walk in this season in obedience....I promise to take care of you, Hold you and be the husband you so desire.  However, until I release You.... ( which I won't) please note ...I am doing the same for him.  He will come to see that nothing can separate us from my love ...and that what God has put together -- let no man or woman tear it apart. 

Trust me.  I know you are my child.  I am watching over you and I am planning a big party in heaven for when we all will be together.  Hang in there -- no BUTS...no excuses....  Your destiny has been reversed.  Like a dog on point ....I have picked you up and changed the course of direction -- nothing is by accident.  I love You ----- God

Desperate Prayers #6

 In a very desperate time, this Psalm comforted, and became my prayer - 

 

Psalm 25

Of David.

¹ In you, Lord my God,
    I put my trust.

² I trust in you;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    nor let my enemies triumph over me.   (and please don't let me fail at the task at hand!)
³ No one who hopes in you
    will ever be put to shame,  ( I put my whole hope in you -- every thought to you!)
but shame will come on those
    who are treacherous without cause.  ( Lord, help me wait on you -- as I just want this pain to end)

⁴ Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths.
⁵ Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.
⁶ Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,
    for they are from of old.
⁷ Do not remember the sins of my youth
    and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
    for you, Lord, are good. (thank you Lord, praise God that I am forgiven!)

⁸ Good and upright is the Lord;
    therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
⁹ He guides the humble in what is right
    and teaches them his way.  ( you will teach and instruct those that are NOT in Your will) 
¹⁰ All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
    toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.
¹¹ For the sake of your name, Lord,
    forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

¹² Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?
    He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.^[b]
13 They will spend their days in prosperity,
    and their descendants will inherit the land.  ( Lord, that my children will inherit blessings not curses)
¹⁴ The Lord confides in those who fear him;
    he makes his covenant known to them.  ( speak to me Lord, confide in me - Let me know what you will DO!) 
¹⁵ My eyes are ever on the Lord,
    for only he will release my feet from the snare.  ( I have been released ...thank you !)

¹⁶ Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.
¹⁷ Relieve the troubles of my heart
    and free me from my anguish.
¹⁸ Look on my affliction and my distress
    and take away all my sins.
¹⁹ See how numerous are my enemies
    and how fiercely they hate me!

²⁰ Guard my life and rescue me;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    for I take refuge in you.  ( please Lord, let my children not be put to shame)
²¹ May integrity and uprightness protect me,
    because my hope, Lord,^[c] is in you.

²² Deliver Michelle , O God,
    from all her troubles!

Desperate Prayers - confirmation...#5

Short prayer today --  

Scripture....memorize and apply.... read to the bottom -- 

 

James 5:16King James Version (KJV)

¹⁶ Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

 New Living Translation
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

James 5:16-18The Message (MSG)

^16-18 Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. Elijah, for instance, human just like us, prayed hard that it wouldn’t rain, and it didn’t—not a drop for three and a half years. Then he prayed that it would rain, and it did. The showers came and everything started growing again.

 So pray, and ask -----

But You will get the 'results'.........as you are righteous before him and others -- as you confess and as you walk with HIM......

And I say 'results'...many times what we want is NOT what God wants us to have.....we must be willing to allow HIS will be done.  

Many people can't wait on the Lord...cause they are waiting on the 'thing' ...they want....
God says WAIT ON HIM.  

And God will grant you the secret desires of your heart.  HE just will. 

I know -- I have seen it happen --much.  
Believe.  
Faith creates miracles.  


Lord, thank you for this today -- short and sweet and for reminding me!  
amen

Desperate Prayers #4

Today is the first Day of October. 
I am reminded of Breast Cancer awareness  --  and of the many 3 day, 60 mile walks I have been a part of.  When I started doing those walks in 2005, I had no one 'close' to me dealing with breast cancer -- since then.....I have. 

It will be 2 years next month when my childhood friend went to be with Jesus and left behind a husband and three children. 

Recently, a dear woman  lost her mother to cancer - breast cancer was only one of the cancers she had.

As the FB profile photos change, several are posting photos of lost loved ones.

I myself have the bug again to participate in the Susan G. Komen walk for the Cure  - raising the $2600 is the factor that has me pray and question my fund raising efforts.

And in the past few days,  a young 4th grader signed up and decided to walk for a cure - for her grandpa - he has Alzheimers.  

Desperate prayers. 

These 40 days of prayers that I am posting each day -- have a focus -- I am desperate or another is .
There is a focus on marriage, as it is being attacked. 
But for whatever reason and for whatever cause --  prayer is our strategic arsenal  to fight.


So, tonight -- I am just going to cry out -- some desperate and personal prayers - period.  I have asked God and the Holy Spirit to give me a clever ananlogy today or even a short story.....and nothing. 

"Just pray Michelle" -- so I am . 


Lord, YOU will win.  Lord, bind the enemy away from those loved ones around me seeking answers so desperately.  Lord, I pray they realize that no matter what -- it is YOU that is needed.  When you are first....other stuff does work itself out.  

Lord, earlier this week, I felt attacked cause of a 'fire'.....I thank you, as You worked everything out and provided but I failed to pray for the other roommate and family that don't have renter's insurance and they too have to replace basic needs....forgive me Lord, I pray that there is provision for him.  

Lord, for a desperate wife that WANTS her marriage -- she is not the only one...I WANT this marriage to survive....I have claimed life for it...I have looked into her eyes and reminded her that YOU win and with faith, miracles happen......don't let me down Lord.  I know you won't, as I trust you, but she may not be as trusting -- yet...but she will.  

Lord, for another desperate wife that WANTS her marriage -- however, a miracle is needed.  I thought and thought about that at first and found myself, saying..."oh Lord, can you work in this?"....and I was convicted at the spot - -- YES, YOU are at work.  Lord,  open his eyes.  Protect her while she waits...and give her hope.  

Lord, for the shooting victims in Oregon and their families....all around the world, evil prevails...as hard as it is - may everyone involved draw closer to you.  

Lord, for the one making a big deal about Joyce M. this week.....it really bothered me and yet, YOU fight the battles for her and for me.  I do believe she, Joyce, has done great and mighty things within and through Your name....but let anyone who hears her, their pastor on Sunday, their priest on TV..whomever...that each and everyone of us is SO close to you, we forgive the 'humanness' but call out the false prophet -- as we know, each of us can be that 'false' at time.s  

Lord, for the Sweet Pea - 
Lord, for the unspoken request - 
Lord, for the daughter that is struggling to be away from home for the first time at college -- Lord, fill her head with sweet dreams and remind her -- she is loved.  

Lord, for the ones convicted of sin this eve...may the enemy be bound away from them and may then BEGIN to now act in faith and allow you to clean them up  -- Lord, that you will always be the One we turn to.  

Lord, for the students within my 4 walls -- may they see Jesus in me each day. 
Lord, for the ones I drive each day -- use our time.
Lord, for the upcoming continued training for our next Encounter and for the women and leaders attending....YOU must show up Lord - take over.  Empty me of me...fill me of YOU. 

Lord, for the hurting one this eve -- 

Lord, comfort  -- 
Lord, for my dear pal that is still not quite back to her healthy self ...and her husband...I want healing!  

Lord, there is more --  but I guess the MOST desperate one this eve...is ME...MY plea....I want to claim victory IN every situation.  

Lord, I want to be desperate for Your approval and Your love at every moment and every minute of my life.  I will trust that YOU will work everything for my good - as I seek You.  

And I know YOUR word says that the fervent prayer of a righteous one - avails much -- 

So, with tears in these eyes -- help Lilly fight a disease and within HER lifetime -- cure Alzheimers!  

Lord, for me --USE me Lord ........ I am a bit weary with just lack of sleep -- and I will be needy this eve -- send me a bone.  IN Jesus name...amen. 

Desperate prayers #3

Forgiveness is SO hard.

Yesterday I told you  of my son's house??  It  caught on fire.   Well, today I went with my husband-- thank goodness we have the  ability to call a sub into our classrooms; then we headed to meet Hunter.  He had a 9:30 presentation ( for college)  in which he was to dress up;  he went into class with literally the ONLY clothes he had.  He noted the students just looked at him like, "what on earth is he walking in here with  THAT on".  --  The fire damage was contained -- to his room.    He did the presentation, his professor commended him for coming in,  and the other professors and people he had appointments with yesterday -were most gracious.    And by the way  God is so sweet; my prayer and worry was about his computer.   His computer was spared.  It smells like a fire -- but it works! 

Thank you Lord, that all the boys ( his house mates -- one foot ball player and the rest are soccer players ) are well and good.  They were not home when it started.  It seems a lamp got too hot and was too close to some shirts that were hanging.  The fire was contained on the lower floor of their rental home, but Hunter and Owen's room was totaled.

When we got to their house, Owen looked at both Brendan and I and said, "sorry".  He felt so guilty.  He was the one that moved the lamp into the closet ....but Hunter may of been the one to leave the light on.  The house is old,  there is faulty wiring and so each day they trek this floor lamp to the closet to see and get their clothes and then back to the bathroom to see, shower and get ready.   They have been doing this for months.  However,  back to Owen, when we got to the house, Owen said 'sorry' -- and immediately we hugged and reminded him it was NOT his fault - it was an accident.  It happens.  We live about 90 minutes away from Hunter and by the time we got there to help 'clean up' and see what could be saved - God had this amazing soccer family already there and at work and everything was sorted and put out to the curb.  Nothing is left. 

Forgiveness.  It was easy to extend.   That time. Owen did nothing really wrong.  And yet...he felt tremendous guilt. 

We spent the day  -focused shopping- and getting clothes for my son, calling the insurance adjuster and asking what would be covered,  and then joined Owen and the that  precious  family for supper.    Before we leave,  Owen looks at me and  says again, "sorry".  And again, we remind him - it was not his fault.    It was a page in their life history ...a charred page that smells of smoke and soot -- but it is not their life story.

 By the end of the day - there were many jokes flying around the house and we were looking for the good.   Our son  is somewhat homeless but he has clothes and now we just need the house /room fixed and probably a bed.  His mattress seemed to survive - but I am pretty sure it is full of smoke.  Whether the homeowner fixes the old historic home or Hunter and his  house mates have to find another house -- we will wait on God to clearly show Hunter the next move.  

Yesterday that word of knowledge that the Holy Spirit gave me - "provision" -- that word was for me.  God did provide.  It is not fun spending money on stuff  - but we have the ability to do that.  My son is most grateful and humbled.  In a quiet moment with him, I was able to remind him - THAT is what Jesus did - HE went to the cross when we did not deserve it.  God provided.  

 Now back to that word -- Forgiveness.  As I said -- THAT time it was easy.

Owen really never had to say sorry.

But what about THOSE that hurt us ...hurt me...   and I want a sorry! 

Or what about -- us?  Maybe because of  WHAT we have done  and to WHOM we have hurt... we want  forgiveness    That can be harder.    

Forgiveness ---

There have been several very HARD things or circumstances that I have had to seek forgiveness and give forgiveness.  

  It does not happen in a  flash - I mean, you can say "I forgive you" and perhaps you feel that is all that is needed -----   but God oh God...sometimes, it takes a daily refreshing and restating over and over...to walk in that forgiveness and believe that you really have forgiven the one that hurt you.

I still have to forgive and pray for whomever has hurt me in the past.  Satan loves to remind me of stuff.

 However --
 
I find myself seeking forgiveness from God daily.  Sometimes - hourly.
Most often now....I say something that is not right or maybe just TOO much and I seek forgiveness.
With God, I find myself asking His forgiveness  because of my pride.   Even when I don't think it is my pride -- OH LORD...HE shows me it is. 

I still have those strongholds that were cast off try  years ago, that sneak up on me, and I catch myself being that self-righteous and all knowing  self - for which I seek forgiveness. Satan will not stop - his purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy.  He tried to steal my heart, my marriage and my love for another and it was practically killed -- but God won.  So now, he just continues to try and destroy. 

On Monday night, when I got the news of Hunter and the fire -- my mind began to wonder and think about all of the possibilities and please don't think I am crazy but a battle began in my brain.  I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I just wanted to get to my son and hold him and I had to wait.... the fire trucks were outside of his home until 1am.... and the fire started about 8pm.  When I got home from a volleyball game, I had already prayed but decided to stay home from school and drive to Boca to see Hunter yesterday, but in my quiet time ......I almost caught myself saying to God, "Lord....why are you allowing this -- the COST for this experience is going to set back MY house...MY plans to begin to build...and MY inconvenience. "  It was only for a moment.....probably 4 seconds and the Holy Spirit in me reminded me that God is good.  This was not about ME. 

So, I share that ...why?  Cause in my 'former life' -- before I truly fell in love with God and realize HIS character is good.....I would of blamed God for a good 24 hours and THEN seen the good.  So, as I was blogging, I marveled at how much I have changed. 

Monday night, I also reached out to my prayer warrior sisters and asked for prayer and yesterday and today -- many of them are being answered.  Excellent.  I have seen some beauty out of these ashes -- literally -- and there will be more.  ( One such beauty - I get an extra day to shop with my son and he needed me.  When your children are grown ....the times when they NEED you become less and less.) 

OK -- so I also SOUGHT my Lord, and asked Him to forgive me for that moment of a pity party.... and thanked HIM for my son that was safe.  As my sister reminded me - HP can't be replaced. 

And I know that I know -- it was REALLY easy for God to forgive me..... !!! 

Back to Forgiveness -

On really hard hurts --  I still say a prayer and ask God...'have I forgiven ?'   It is hard -- but I will say this -- it continues to get LESS and LESS.

Now each time that happens, I ask myself .."do I need to seek forgiveness from another?"

The Enemy gets  silenced sooner and most times now,  he only reminds me of our hurt by a trigger of some sort.  And the triggers -- become few and FAR between! 

But...whether your husband ( or wife ) betrayed your vows...
Or whether he or she has betrayed you with some sexual impurity...
Or there was  a death of some sort that you must forgive their participation in...
Or he has just NOT been what you needed...
Or if he does not love God and continually hurts  you...
Or...
Or...
Or......WHATEVER it was.....

Your spouse does deserve  forgiveness -- if they are repentant, it is easier  --- but forgiveness is commanded by God. 
God has forgiven them -- the moment they repented.  I believe that  God has already forgiven them even before they repent ....but I know God will judge - later.

If you don't forgive, anger will lead to bitterness and eventually that bitterness festers as big time unforgiveness and it is not a pretty thing to witness or see in action.  And...unforgiveness -- will keep you from heaven.  It just will. 

HE forgave me. Christ Forgave me. 

That is one of the hardest concepts to understand or even relate on paper or in a blog, but I knew that I knew -- no matter what  -- there was to be forgiveness-! 

I know what I did to my Lord, for well over 30 years, I placed Him second to everything else -- my sins put HIM on that cross.  HE went and took that for me.

 Again THAT is hard to understand but, when one person really LOVES Jesus...and understands WHAT HE did for us..for me...for you...YOU want to forgive like HE forgave you...Like HE forgave me.

Pure and simple.  
It will take time...You should seek godly counsel and probably professional counsel .....but forgiveness will FREE you...

But please note -- if you are in a relationship where you are being hurt - physically or tormented ...YOU need to get OUT of that ...and pray for your spouse, but eventually you will have to forgive that behavior as well -- in HIS time.

Back to the prayer for today --- it is short...

LORD, am I holding unforgivness?  Lord, help me to forgive the hurt.  I declare that the enemy won't use the hurt of ____________________ against me nor my spouse anymore.  Lord, I want to know you so well, that I would understand this powerful mystery of forgiveness and Lord, please know, I thank you for forgiving me of MY sins...if there is anything I need to confess - speak to me clearly and show me my own sin...

Oh Lord, I thank you for forgiving me and I am going to claim now, this evening that I forgive my husband for __________________ and I am asking You Lord to walk with me in these next 37 more days.

I want to see a miracle in many  marriages...I need YOU Lord  to come in and get those BOTH out of the pit - and I want to testify that YOU will 

win and that YOU were the one that restored and redeemed them.  Amen. 

BTW Lord....for that family/woman that contacted me today -- she does not want her divorce and wants her family..... I rejoiced for her acknowledgment of YOU ....but now -- please work and open his eyes -- let him see and understand the relationship he thinks -- 'you brought him'...is not of you -- as you would not bring a married man a new woman.  Your will Lord, is for that marriage to be redeemed.  Period.  But I thank you Lord, that when divorce happens, you do redeem and restore both parties -- when they SEEK you and place your first.  I don't know all the  particulars within this family - but YOU DO Lord, and you have her now and I believe that YOU will win.   Thank you  Lord.