This verse is on a t-shirt I own. This verse is one I memorized. This verse says so much.
Those that trust in the Lord. ...
There was a time when I did not trust - but I had NO clue that I did not trust.
I had NO idea what little STRENGTH I had without HIM and no clue as to WHAT I could do with HIM!
I did not feel like I was soaring - anywhere. I did a lot of running and grew weary, way too often.
Until....you really understand WHAT it means to TRUST in HIM.
And.....
In therapy and just in my prayer time with God, it has been a natural question - why?
Why God?
I can ask, Why God did that happen?
Why was 'this' the path that I had to be on.......?
Why did he do it?
In many books with ANY sin..when the sinner really understands the 'why' he or she did what they did -- then they have an easier time preventing it from happening again.
Could it happen again?
Anyway, I have been obsessing a bit here and there about the 'why'.
I had sort of told my brain that WHEN I got THAT answer - I would REALLY be healed then!
Well, on this trip - God really reminded me of something yesterday!!
Again, I am so humbled.
Two things -- I had to accept the fact that I may never get the 'why'. Our therapist reminded me of that often - "you may never get the why"...."he probably does not even know why"....But, I still wanted the why.
But I made a choice to focus on something else and move past that wanting.
And two, when I finally really accepted the fact that I may never get the 'why' .....I believe I did get the why.....
God impressed upon me through HIS Holy Spirit -- 'just look around...this is why'......And as God and I talked back and forth, I believe HE was saying this to me as well:
....you have freedom now...
....your husband has even told others - he is more in love with you now that he ever was...
...you have a peace now about who you are in Christ....
...you have a hunger that was never there before...
...you are being used to serve 'my people'....
...you are happy - happier than you have ever been cause you are free to love yourself, and love him after ME...
...you are indeed within MY will......and you understand that now...
So, why not? .....maybe THAT is the why!
After that conversation with God on Friday morning, each and every aspect of the day - seemed even more perfect and ordained by God.
Today, I felt like the most precious woman holding my husband's hand - today was a 360 day...where, I felt 100% healed. So, I am going to start telling myself that all the time now! 100%
I sort of knew this already -- that is why HE is moving the two of us onto ...or into our own ministry now as a couple ....and I am excited to see what is next!
Amen!
God says conflict will come-I used to be excited to see what God would do next-change me Lord PLEASE should still be my prayer-so I give it to you again Lord. It hurts so much and the conflict stays the same-alone w/the companionship not revolving around the relationship but on the work that can be done. His "ditep seated"need for approval, unrecognized bitternesses and fear of conflict and the past.Just wanna love him thru It all but he is too independant. I am getting sick from stress will pray some more-just wanna love him and be loved in return but not on a performance basis-two different "fullfillment" levels? emotional and physical;am not allowed to have my expectations filled-grudge match from the past of a manipulative-emotionally abusive single parent raising four teen-agers on her own-He is his mothers guardian as she lays paralyzed so he is guilt ridden. Sign guardianship over to her sister before hehas a heart attack-help him "swallow his pride Lord Please!" I get the brunt of his anxiety and frustration-emotional neglect hurts so much-sposed to be grateful.
ReplyDeleteDear Giganticantics...I am not really sure if I know you personally or not -- if I do, please inbox me on facebook and we can meet and pray! I read and reread your comment and believe that God can meet each and every need you have stated -- but it IS very hard waiting on the other half to ...as you say, swallow his pride and give it to God. In the meantime, seeking wise counsel is very important. I pray you have a church family that can rally with you - I pray you have the means to seek some help. Lord, for this situation - please move in a mighty way that this woman that loves you -- I pray that she will see some light in this tunnel very soon. Provide the help Lord, thank you - amen.
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