I knew God was giving me my 'next' blog topic as I finished a book this weekend for the 2nd time. I read the manuscript of the book in the summer of 2010. I read it like I was on fire as I was seeking an answer to something. I read it with tears...I read it with hurt...I read it with hope...and that book is in print now and I was given my own copy by the author and his wife...a co- author, and now, I want to share.
First of all, I want to ask God, "God give me the words, to share this without making it seem trival or stupid, and use this tesimony Lord to further YOUR kingdom and bless another, as I too want freedom for the captives like my Pastor has stated, like my dear friend Linda has stated...as YOUR word states, bring beauty out of this. May I say only what you want me to say but make it real, amen."
Well, some 24 years ago we moved to Okeechobee. We were very young and newly married. Our 'first' friends were a couple that were associated with school. Brendan's peer teacher was Dave Robertson and he also helped Dave coach basketball. Immediately they hit it off. His wife, Theda was my 'next' door neighbor at North Elementary and a hoot. What fun there was that our husband's were connected. Then life hit them, and they began a time where their marriage turned hard. I hate saying 'it failed' but if you speak to either one of them, they will say that too. I can't explain the why...I would never dare too -- but I judged. I judged BIG time.
I remember journaling and telling God 'how I was going to do it'...and 'how this should of hapened'. And I also remember asking Brendan, 'can this happen to us after 10 years of marriage?'......
I had my own thoughts and ideas and I believed I knew what the problem was. I did not voice it, but I believed it in my heart. Dave and Theda did divorce. Dave and Theda made their peace. Brendan continued to ALWAYS be friends with Dave. Brendan also showed mercy -- I never did. I held onto anger and bitterness for a long time. I was so happy when Theda found love again, she could heal but I still hated Dave. Even after Theda remarried, I judged. Even after DAve remarried, I judged. Linda was a teacher in our district and she taught 4th grade, and I taught 4th grade and I know now, my judgement spilled over onto her and she never once asked for it.
Brendan kept in touch with Dave and would even tell me, 'he can tell you haven't forgiven him'....and I would reply, "yes I have, but I don't have to be his best friend". And I watched as his church grew and thought - 'well, God must of forgiven him'....I would see him on the street and he would always have smiles for me, but deep down I had no real love there, no respect.
Now, I realize -- he, hurt me. I had listened to him talk about God and he let me down. You see my dad wasn't a good living example of Jesus' love, but Dave was suppose to be. Yet, he was human and I did not see that. I really DID NOT understand that...until now.
Dave has been married now to Linda for over 20 years...and I still judged and held onto a bitterness that ran very deep. But, I did not realize it, until August of 2010.
You see....almost 22 years later, God clearly showed me that I needed to forgive a man...a man that is now my Pastor. How God works, HIS timing - is amazing and yet I sit here typing and am mystified. Just trying to figure out God makes my brain hurt. I mean I tried for so many years, and now I realize and know that we can't figure out God. HE is God. Period.
Anyway, like I said, at a very crucial part of my life and a crucial moment in my marriage, God used Dave and Linda to remind me of a few things. God used Dave and Linda to instill a hope that I so needed. And God used Dave and Linda to show me, how HE forgives.
God used Dave as he reminded me, 'don't put a time limit on God' and God used Dave to remind me that 'the hurt I was experiencing was real and they --they both ached for me ...and for my marriage... and for my husband as well'. God used Dave to speak life back into me. God used Linda to remind me, HE had a better plan for my life and God used Linda to remind me that...I was loved.
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Through three separate nights of meetings and powerful prayer, I forgave Dave and God opened up a whole new aspect of my worship with HIM. You see, I believed I had the Baptism of the Holy Spirit but I believe it was sort of STUCK....if that makes sense. I had prayed and prayed and asked God over and over again to really show me or clearly give me peace with my prayer language and then BOOM...praying with Dave, actually looking into his eyes and asking him for forgiveness, and BANG...it flowed freely. Now, at the time, I did not realize the power in that gift of tongues. I would come to realize it later..in January and February and March and April and May of 2011...I would come to realize it on the nights when I thought the pain in my life would just kill me...or let me say, I wanted to head to heaven and not have to deal ONE more day with my thoughts...or my hurts....or my situation, but God sustained me and filled me through HIS prayer language. The peace and comfort I received being able to just rest in HIM and let HIM heal...wow....just wow....like I said, I am humbled.
I believe that if you are hurting, you should read Dave and Linda's book. He writes the first part, she writes a portion of it too. Hearing her side, hearing her pain and then seeing the miracle, refreshed my soul but it also reminds me..God's will is NOT a penalty. God does bring beauty out of ashes...God does not need to explain HIMSELF, but HE is good all the time. HE does heal, HE does restore. And I believe one of the reasons Dave had to suffer ...was for me..as the two of them were able to help me..and my kids...and my husband in a way that could not be met by other friends and counselors. God did that for me. God loves me that much. God loves Brendan that much. God loves us all that much.
Ok, I believe I said what I was suppose to say.
If you are reading this, it is cause you know and love me...I asked God whom I was to share my copy of the book with and HE clearly gave me a plan and a name. I will send her a copy of the book today and pray she reads it and shares it with another.
God is still in the miracle working business and HE does answer prayer, don't give up!
Love does cover a multitude of sins.
Lord, I pray that the people in my life and in my circle of friends, don't have to learn the lesson of 'don't judge'...the hard way. I pray they will seek you with everything they have, but if they have to learn it the hard way -- use me...or use Dave and Linda again...YOU got this, I love you Lord. Amen.
1 Peter 4:8
8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins
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