Dear Ethan,

  Dear Ethan, 

I have thought of you often throughout today.  I read the post  at the CareBridge site about Trace.  Immediately, I asked God - what do I do? ????

  Later in the day, as I drove home from a work assignment, I penned a letter to you in my head.  But first, I want you to read this passage from Isaiah --  please read it to the end and then read beyond - thank you ... Michelle  

Aka - Chelly 

Isaiah 41:8-16 The Message

8–10       “But you, Israel, are my servant.
You’re Jacob, my first choice,
descendants of my good friend Abraham.
I pulled you in from all over the world,
called you in from every dark corner of the earth,
Telling you, ‘You’re my servant, serving on my side.
I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you.’
Don’t panic. I’m with you.
There’s no need to fear for I’m your God.
I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you.
I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.

11–13       “Count on it: Everyone who had it in for you
will end up out in the cold—
real losers.
Those who worked against you
will end up empty-handed—
nothing to show for their lives.
When you go out looking for your old adversaries
you won’t find them—
Not a trace of your old enemies,
not even a memory.
That’s right. Because I, your GOD,
have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go.
I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic.
I’m right here to help you.’

14–16       “Do you feel like a lowly worm, Jacob?
Don’t be afraid.
Feel like a fragile insect, Israel?
I’ll help you.
I, GOD, want to reassure you.
The God who buys you back, The Holy of Israel.
I’m transforming you from worm to harrow,
from insect to iron.
As a sharp-toothed harrow you’ll smooth out the mountains,
turn those tough old hills into loamy soil.
You’ll open the rough ground to the weather,
to the blasts of sun and wind and rain.
But you’ll be confident and exuberant,
expansive in The Holy of Israel!

Peterson, E. H. (2005). The Message: the Bible in contemporary language (Is 41:8–16). Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress.

Ethan, I am going to be bold and blunt -- I am believing that you love God and have a relationship with Jesus.  As if I think you don't - then my heart pains ...as HOW can you face what is happening without Him?  So if you love Jesus and understand the Cross -- then the rest of this letter will encourage you!!

  If you don't -- I pray that the rest of this letter would bring comfort and a chance to GRAB onto Jesus' garment and believe that GOD is good and Trace will be healed.  She may still get her miracle HERE on Earth, but it may also only be in Heaven with God ...and with those words, I know that I know - SHE will be better off.   I also know as God has impressed upon me and others -- that YOU and YOUR children are going to be fine.  You will see the beauty in all of this - in HIS time.  

First -- I am so sorry that this terrible disease has come back and struck.  You and Trace and the kids have been in our prayers for months now.  Daily.  

I am so sorry that you had the awful task of telling the kids and when you stated that Logan cried/screamed for over an hour - my gut wrenched.  I can see those tears.  When I met Logan and saw him last month for the first time, I was taken back -- to me ...he looks like TRACE did - back in 9th grade when I met her.  Innocent and happy!   In fact, I found a school photo of her back in 9th grade or 10th with her handwriting on the back and I am in the process of making a little gift for your kids...I will mail it later -- but I saw her, young and vibrant in Logan's eyes.   Even the hair style....

Second -- I know you realize that you have an incredible wife and I want to let you know -- I believe and many believe that GOD has her - completely.    Why God allows the righteous to suffer at times, is for God to understand and figure out.  It took me 44 long years, but I finally surrendered and stopped  trying to analyze it.  

God does not ask us to understand - HE asks us to believe.  No one is guaranteed tomorrow, but with Christ as our Lord - we can have peace and believe that this life is only temporary and believe and  I know that I will see Trace again - whole and healthy.  She will be in heaven and she will greet me when I get there - unless God does grant the last minute touch that I know she has asked for and prayed for.  

Third -- God granted me a special visit with her back in September and in that time, she told me she knew God was drawing her near.  She also believed in heaven and asked me many questions.  For that day, she was almost like the Trace I remember.  We laughed as best as we could, before she would start to cough and we even enjoyed chocolate too.  She truly is a blessing.  She was a sweet and loyal pal back in high school and she is going to continue to be that way as her memory will live.   I believe she has been a sweet and loyal servant of God.  As I read the other posts from friends - I know, God is pleased with her.  

So now..please read the scripture in Isaiah again  - but with a few changes:  

Isaiah 41:8-16 The Message
8–10       “But you, Ethan, are my servant.
You’re my child, my first choice,
descendants of my good friend Abraham.
I pulled you in from all over the world, I have chosen you and your wife.  I knew you before you were born and I see each and every long hair upon your head.  I see your children too - they are mine.  I have 
called you in from every dark corner of the earth, from every distraction, from every doubt....
Telling you, ‘You’re my servant, serving on my side.
I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you.’ You may not believe in me now - but, through your wife and through my other servants, you are going to come to realize that YOU need me and desire to be closer to me.  
Don’t panic. I’m with you.
There’s no need to fear for I’m your God.  Trace is going to be fine - with me.  Trace wants my peace and total healing and part of the healing you can give her, is the assurance that you will continue to teach your children My ways as Trace was taught and believed.  
I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you.
I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. I promise ...men will fail you, but I will not. 

11–13       “Count on it: Everyone who had it in for you
will end up out in the cold—
real losers. Every enemy, every one that has hurt you in the past, will have to answer to me. 
Those who worked against you
will end up empty-handed—
nothing to show for their lives.
When you go out looking for your old adversaries
you won’t find them—
Not a trace of your old enemies,
not even a memory.
That’s right. Because I, your GOD,
have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go.
I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic.
I’m right here to help you.’ Don't panic.  When you hold Trace remind her - I have her too.  

14–16       “Do you feel like a lowly worm, Ethan?
Don’t be afraid.
Feel like a fragile insect, my child?
I’ll help you.
I, GOD, want to reassure you.
The God who buys you back, The Holy of Israel.
I’m transforming you from worm to harrow,
from insect to iron.
As a sharp-toothed harrow you’ll smooth out the mountains,
turn those tough old hills into loamy soil.
You’ll open the rough ground to the weather,
to the blasts of sun and wind and rain.
But you’ll be confident and exuberant,
expansive in The Holy of Israel!  All you have to do Ethan is believe.  I pray that you have.  

Ethan ....many will read this and say - 'she added to God's word'....I believe God's word is a living work and that God used me right now - to speak to you.  I believe I have not altered His word, I have just added a few words to personalize it.  

I went through a season of incredible pain.  I literally watched a death of something and I watched it come to life.  I can't compare it to your pain right now.  But I would of 'fought' with you at the time and I would of cried just as hard and there were MANY countless nights where I wanted to end my life or have it ended as I felt I could no longer live on this earth - my heart was THAT hurt.  But, like I said - now...after it...it can't compare to your pain.  But..in that season - God became so real.  God showed up.  I believe HE is showing up around you.  Again, If I am over speaking -  than forgive me.  However, I serve a mighty God and I believe HE is directing this letter this eve.  I pray that you will open your bible this evening or very soon, and see out God's Psalms and rewrite a few that become LIFE to you.  I pray that you will teach your children about God...I pray that you will teach them that they will see their mom again - I pray that you will believe in a prophetic word/vision I received about Trace and her family right before I came to visit her in September.  It has given me hope and peace -- 

Many people will say 'oh, awe' when a martyr is killed...  when in reality -- we should be rejoicing - he or she was immediately in heaven...with God.  THAT is our destiny...our future.  I am believing that Trace will have a glorious homecoming if God does not heal her instantly.  I believe and know that You will be fine and that Trace's legacy will live on in her children and they will bring many to the knowledge of God because of her faith, her humbleness, and because she lived a life worthy of her calling.  

She will always be our Queen of hearts!  

thank you for taking the time to read....

In Christ, Michelle 

AKA - Chelly