the picture of forgiveness is beautiful......

The photo is not of me nor anyone in particular, I just tried to find an 80's shot.  Sad to say I did have some HIGH hair and used the Paul Mitchell spray each day to get those wings off the sides by my ears....and I was/am blonde...and I had the curls...so, it could of been me....anyway....

It is time for me to share something again.  God continues to do a work in my life each day, and HE continues to teach me many things for which I am MOST grateful and this is one of those revelations.

Brendan, Hunter, and I went to North Carolina a few  weekends ago  for a soccer showcase.  It was a weekend of redemption.  Two years ago when we went, our lives were very different.  Even last year when we went there were new circumstances and the pressure of HP being noticed by College Scouts lingered over our heads.

 This year - peace.
 Praise God.

 HP has a college scholarship offer, and our lives are very full and blessed.  So this trip was just a blessed GOOD GOD memory as HE healed a few  loose ends.  In the process, I had the opportunity to have dinner with an old friend and her mother.  A friend that shared a bit of our lives back in the 80's.   This friend and her beautiful family joined Brendan and I and his cousin for dinner at the Mellow Mushroom and we had a wonderful evening of reminiscing.   Anyway, conversation continued and she blessed me with something she noticed.  "the picture of forgiveness is beautiful".    That phrase and her wisdom proved to be God's timing just the other day again when the enemy wanted to stir things up, and I had to remember the past is the past.  Her words, that photo of words, the picture of forgiveness is beautiful.  God used her in a mighty way.  Mighty.  

I continue to marvel on WHOM HE brings into our lives and uses, HE is constantly teaching us, continually showing us new concepts of HIS love, and sustaining us. And with that, the ENEMY certainly loves to weasel his way into the mix.  Funny how one door is closed, and yet, the enemy did not get the memo and so therefore we are in a constant state of being armed against the enemy and his fierily darts!

God gave me the scripture -- which I am IN SEARCH of finding the address about when Jesus say, 'blessed are those who believe and have not seen'....I could see God/Jesus and in reality it was the Holy Spirit speaking, but He was reminding me that "blessed are you Chelly..that you believed in something that was not seen...you held onto God's promise and now you are seeing the fruit of it..slowly and I am so proud of you! "   It was a moment on the cycle with God and trusting Brendan as we rode home from Palm City and breakfast last week.  And God used that sister in Christ that day too, to remind me how our past is our past and to let it stay there.

God bless Dottie, my old but new friend for being wise to YOUR ways.  God bless our trips for breakfast and just fun trips on the bike as we both find and enjoy the quiet time we get with you individually on that Harley and then together!  God bless others that read this..may they hear from YOU in a personal way that reminds them that YOU win and that YOU esteem them.  God bless the picture of forgiveness...it is beautiful.  Lord, may more really experience that!  Amen.  

PS God, I am going to find that scripture reference...it is taking me a bit to find it- but I will find it.
To be continued.....

.....a door is closed - for GOOD!

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins".  1 Peter 4.8

This was the very first verse that came to be or was shown to me by Our Lord when a certain earthquake hit me.

It is a verse that is big and bold on the first page of my bible.  It is a verse I paraphrase often - love covers a multitude of sins.

Multitude is a good word.  Multitude means LOTS.....and I must say here, multitude covers me as well.

I shared a few posts ago that another big healing had occurred and a door was closed.  I have been formulating this blog post in my brain now for a good few days.   Yesterday as Brendan and I were on the Harley and riding, I wrote it and rewrote it in my head about 4x.  It is personal, but as I share I trust that the loved ones who read it care about me and care enough to hold it.  I mean, I want to be used by God in every and all situations HE places me in, but I don't wish to be a tabloid or an excuse for gossip.

But as I said, a door has closed.  How do I know?  I read a few older blogs   that I wrote back in June and July of this year.  Wow - yep, the door is closed.    I recently pulled out all of my journals from the past 2 1/2 years and read, cried, praised God, and read some more -- Wow, YEP the door has closed.

And I found this quote from Beth Moore, "who I am and what I struggle with are not the same thing!"...Wow and WOW again.  THAT quote is truth to me now.  And God reminded me that what I struggle with ...are new things...not 'that' thing.

I am going to be very personal here now.  My husband and I were married for 20 years and I thought ALL was very well.  However within that year, I would begin to notice things.  By the next year I was in counsel and my nephew had gone to be with Jesus.   I  still had no idea to which the extent was, I knew he ( my husband )  was no longer in love with me but I figured and could see  he no longer loved the Lord so THAT was the problem.  I never knew,  how far back the Enemy had snuck in, but it was revealed in HIS timing over 2 1/2  years ago.   I have posted about this before, 'the phone call', but God had been preparing me.  I had no idea.   In hindsight, several have asked me, 'you really did not know?'.  And I didn't, we both were deceived.  A deceiver or liar gets really good at the lies and a person watching can get really good at just believing - 'this too shall pass'.  And everytime I tried to address the situation, something would give me hope. A door closed or the liar that was whispering in my husband's ears was in control.  A deceiver is deceived.  So, no.... I did not know but I knew in my spirit we were heading for a big fall.   And all the 'tell tale signs' that many will tell you are warning signs, I choose to keep to myself and ignore them.  That is how I survived.

 The sin was very public- it seemed everyone knew.  But only  God really knew of my own sin and my affair as well -- with idolatry and pride.  My husband's choices brought forth an earthquake of knowledge, questions,  pain, hurt,  therapy, and more hurt but also of rediscovery, faith, and hope  and I can say this - it brought me to my knees in a way in which HAD to be done.  Enough said.  But you see that door is closed.  I can talk and even laugh about it now as it is in our past.

  God showed me clearly on November 1st that I was NOT to bring it up, use it as a teaching point, or even dwell on it.  And God had done the work already...so that was an easy task.  Now, the triggers will still come, and consequences of sin just don't disappear, but THEY have NO hold on me.  NONE. And when the Enemy tries to sneak in a low blow, praise God I have a husband now that will pray for me and we can talk about it.

  I know that if God brings someone to me to minister to, as she is a wife who thinks her husband is having an affair, or if she has  known revelation to the fact - HE will use me and that is ok then....to minister, but it no longer needs to be the filter to which I run everything through.  Does that make sense?  It makes sense to me now.

In fact, God has used Brendan more in situations than I  and that is so of God - HE does not follow the same pattern, HE is creative and new every time and HE is not contained in a box!   And God is such a sweet God, ever so caring, ever so aware of my secret prayers and secret hurts that want some 'restitution'.  And, HE has taken away some of those WANTS I wanted....to be shown to me and HE has shown me that HE has this.  And now, I don't have to know the 'why'......I don't have to have it make sense....I don't have to have the details  ( as God has revealed what I needed to know and that was all)  and I don't catch myself thinking, 'well, Lord when I get to see you - YOU are going to explain WHY it had to be THIS way'....cause I trust HIM and it is over.  The door is closed.

It was sort of a supernatural way...the way it happened on November 1st.  I was speaking with some new friends and the exact details of the situation are not that important and maybe too personal, but I know that I know - GOD gently disciplines me, and shows me when I have misspoken or when I have shared something that NO longer needs to be mentioned.  I know that I know - I would rather have God discipline me that the 'humans' around me.  HE is kinder and I believe I take it better!

And I am sharing,  cause now that I have put it in print, and shared my heart - I believe IT CAN help another.  I believe in marriage.  I believed that I loved a man that did a bad thing.  And God placed a love in me that I could not deny.  God used godly men and woman all around me to pray with me, for me, and encourage me.  God showed me in HIS word what I needed to do, and when I did not want to do that anymore, HE placed the right people in front of me to encourage me.

  God said 'stop' and the sin was revealed in HIS time and then the HARD part began, but I have witnessed a miracle - something that was totally dead be brought back to life. That was a love for HIM.  I saw a man who the Enemy had a hold of and who believed the enemy's lies....and I watched how slowly...and perfectly....HE  (God) changed him.  And in turn, I learned TONS.  REceived MANY gifts and learned what it truly meant to love the Lord,  what it meant to ALLOW God to meet all of my needs,  and in the process I learned  how to be a helpmeet for my husband.   I really learned that WHO I was in Christ and what we were struggling with -- were NOT the same thing.  No matter what, I was deeply loved.  Blessed, forgiven, accepted, adopted, and redeemed.  Amen.

I am going to come back to this post in a few weeks, months, and in a year when I am faced with a new struggle and be reminded of WHAT GOD does...and know that I know, HE gave me the verse, Love covers a multitude of sins...because that was me -too.  HE covered it all.  For me. For my husband.  For our marriage.  For our kids.  Even you --

I also know that when facing a trial, not  everyone has the strength to continue and move forward and therefore, I won't judge another.  God knows.  And when a woman wants to quit or they don't have the strength to move forward and allow God to do a miraculous healing - that is OK too!  But, I am called and we are called to be a support and to pray for others and be Jesus to others.  I believed I heard God tell me to show Brendan HIS grace and mercy and that is what I tried to do.  That is what I still try to do for anyone that comes across my path.

If you are reading this and in a frustrating marriage, or a loveless marriage,  or even in just a season of doubt, HE can bring life to the death.  Be strong, have faith, don't give up.  Love covers a multitude of sins.  1 Peter 4.8

HE can also work after the divorce or after the separation.  HE can work AFTER the affair - as HE restores.  We just need to give HIM the time to DO HIS work.

First make sure YOU are right with the Lord.  Look inside yourself and seek HIM.  Then slowly take the necessary steps to change  your circumstances, seek HIS word and HIS godly counsel.  Seek professional counsel, both Brendan and I suggest that OFTEN.  Find a Christian Therapist!  Find one that believes in marriage, find one that will speak truth - it is NOT easy, but it is WORTH it! Fast and pray and when it gets harder - FAST more and PRAY more, don't give up if you want HIS perfect will.....HIS will is NOT a penalty.  HE wins.  ...which means, we win...

Please don't be afraid.  You were meant to live with freedom and in joy as you walk with HIM.  We were created for so much more.  There is such liberty in HIS grace and mercy.

Thank you Lord for closing this door.  When we sold the house and moved to the first rental, my prayer was one of a scared woman - I had no idea of what was coming. But I knew YOU were in control - who else could of sold our home in 5 weeks and provided for a new spot to rebuild.    Lord, the harder part was the restoration.  Lord, just a year ago, I was 'scared' about taking a photo of us, 'scared' about talking about the triggers that were constant.  I was 'scared' about being myself.  Lord, I was taking one step at a time, and reminding myself that I could maybe trust him.   And well, Brendan too, I could see that he had been so deceived and that he still was not grabbing his bible for the answers...but there was so much more.  Then in a leap of faith, and a real physical leap of faith - getting on the back of a Harley with a man who had never rode a bike before...that took faith and time.  Little by little ....you mended.  Then came the days of travel, and new experiences.  And Lord, you provided another new spot - the VERY spot, the ONLY house I wanted to live in...exactly one year after he had moved out for the '2nd' time....YOU timing - amazing.   Then came the first signed 'i love you'...then the words...then the responses....little by little, YOU guided and in hindsight I can now see some of the 'why'.  Lord, YOU continue to amaze me.   Lord, then the hunger for your word....slowly but it was there!  Lord you continue to heal and build trust and Lord, YOU have shut this door.  I promise not to open my mouth and share about the personal stuff unless YOU tell me too but thank you for this outlet of therapy, of being able to write about it.  It has been a tool you used.  Lord, if  You should bring anyone else to Brendan or me, may we be discerning enough to LET you lead and to know what to pray and say.  Lord, YOU are my dear  friend, my comfort and my source of strength.  Lord, we have walked through a valley....facts say it has been almost 9 years now...only YOU know exactly when we both walked away from YOU.  Only YOU saw the beginning and the end.  Why you  heal some instantly and others in time, why You have given us a 2nd chance, means that YOU have much more for us to share and do for YOUR kingdom.  Lord, I love you, more than my husband.  Thank you for forgiving me  and my affair with the world.  I am humbly honored that YOU thought that highly of me and my man.  Lord, as my life verse says - I wish to me YOUR light - may they see YOU in me.  May they see YOUR grace and mercy in me!


In HIM,
michelle

well of course...there is a post....I ELECT....

Wow, another Election and CNN just projected the winner and I won't even type the name here cause it is not whom I voted for - but, I have complete faith and trust in God.  ( 11:31pm )

A friend posted something earlier today and I reposted it 2x.  It went something like this:

 After all is said and done, Jesus is still Lord.  God is still on the throne, etc. etc.  There were a few other points but I won't list them here.

Basically, God is who HE said HE  is.  We are whom God said we are...God will do what HE said HE was going to do,  I can do all things through HIM and HIS word is alive and active in me and I am believing GOD.  That is the faith pledge that Beth Moore has you memorize at the beginning of her Believing God Bible study.  I still find myself seeking comfort in that as I recite the pledge.

I know today we voted for a new President and I will honor and respect him as the leader of our nation but I am really disappointed in the ones who told me..."I don't vote"...."my vote just cancels out my husband's"..."and they are both liars anyway".....disappointed.  However, I serve a God and love a Lord that does not disappoint.

Today a dear friend of mine had to make some VERY tough choices as her husband is in critical condition at a hospital.
Today a sweet pal's daughter celebrated a birthday.
Today another miracle woman had OT and PT.
Today a boy got snipped at because I was frustrated with the 'new' computers that I wanted to TOSS.
Today a friend learned that her home had 'only' an inch of water in it rather than 2 feet up in Tuckerton, New JErsey.
Today another pal endured a procedure that will hopefully fix a 'heart' problem.
Today another friend prayed  and prayed so that she could just cope.
Today a sweet one got to hear her baby's heartbeat for the first time.
Today a coach got a phone call of a victory.
Today......
Today.....
Today....I am sure that somewhere a mother or father  is in tears as they  lost her son and did not have the blessed assurance of his salvation.
Today, I am sure that someone went to bed hungry.
Today I am sure that a father or a mother cried out, Lord I need a miracle.
Today I am sure that someone got a diagnosis that was unfavorable.
Today I am sure God answered prayer.

Today Lord, forgive us.....it is all relative. Lord, I pray that we would  really look at the verse that says,

IF MY PEOPLE will humbly pray and SEEK my face and call upon me and then I will answer them..then I will heal their land....Lord, we need a healing.  Lord, we need it big.

Lord, I believe that with this re-election of Mr. Obama, we are just getting a little bit closer to YOU coming back.  But if not Lord -- we will tarry on and believe YOU are Lord and KING.

Lord, I thank you for today, for the blessing of the gift you gave me through a new friend.  Lord, I thank you for answered prayer in believing the heart will mend, and for the one who is working hard at her OT and PT.  Lord, I thank you for the heartbeat and for the strength you are giving the one who is making TOUGH decisions and grieving as well.  Lord for it all.

Lord,  I last blogged or posted back on the 18th of October.  It has been about 2 weeks.  You know I only want to type and blog if it is something worth saying....something that will help another seek you or get encouragement.  But it also serves as therapy for me.  To come back here later and read of all that you have done and all the blessings so I must add this -- Lord, you closed a major door in the past few weeks with me.  I am not ready to  blog about it as I am still formulating the words, but I just have to say this Lord - thank you.  As I read over journals of the past two years...I sat amazed of ALL that you have accomplished in YOUR timing.   You are an amazing Lord.  You are an amazing Daddy and friend and You are the comforter this eve for many who are scared that Obama will usher in more troubles.  We place our trust in YOU - for you never fail us.  I elect YOU Lord.  You win.

Amen.

....it is not NORMAL anymore.....

Hello,
it has been almost a month since I have blogged and shared.  Wow.  I have been asking God over and over, getting the itch to write but HE has not had me at the keyboard in a bit.

I just stopped and reread my Anniversary post and then the Encounter post and reflected on the past two months that have passed us by so fast, that I was not even aware it had been THAT long since I had blogged.

So many things.  So many thoughts.  So many prayers.

As I stated, God has not penned a blog in a bit for me to write.  I really try and follow what Beth Moore says, 'if you are going to write something - make it worth the time to read it'....then again she also says,   "I am blonder than I pay to be".  I never really understood that until these past few years.   I have found myself, 'blonder' than I pay to be.....just yesterday,  Taylor was reading me an article and I did not know what this one word meant - humbling when she realized I did not know what it meant.  Oh well.

Anyway,  as I said ...it is not normal.

My title was picked to get your attention.  I have been doing a LOT of reflecting - a LOT.  I am just saying - A LOT!   There is a sister of a dear friend that suffered two massive strokes back on the 4th of September and I have been on the computer, reading and praying and following her progress and reading the blog of her husband as he beems God's love and miracles all over the place.  I am just saying, GOD still does miraculous healings. Period.  She  walked stairs today with out much assistance. If you are a Facebook person, you can look her story up and read and be blessed and encouraged.  Her name is Nan Huggins  ( Gary) Mack.  But anyway, that has been a part of my thinking and reflecting.  As her husband poured out and confessed the love he has for God and his soul mate - it just makes you think.

Ok, back to me.....it is NOT normal.  As I said, I have been reflecting.  In August we DID celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary and that was a miracle after the past few years we have had.  The Enemy did try to steal, kill,  and destroy our marriage, but praise God, HE wins.  Although, the event and the time of year, just really made me think and reflect about a year ago, two years ago and even three years ago.  Then September rolled around and it was the 'one year' anniversary of us selling our home - which brought back more memories and more reflection.  Then October rolled in.  Last October was the first month we lived in our rented home.  It was the 'first' time we ever had trick or treaters.  It was the first time we were actually sitting as a family around the dinner table in a LONG time.  It was the first time we could begin to breathe and really THINK about our relationship and starting over.  And, I was getting used to a new job and location!  

This year, this October,  is not normal.  I don't want to go back to our 'normal'.  Our normal before was bitterness and hurts because of a BIG lack of communication and because  the enemy was a part of our lives.  Our normal was just existing.  Our normal was a smile and a good show.  Our normal was avoiding eye contact, real conversation, and other people.   Our normal did not include our Heavenly Father, nor any others who expressed concern.  And our normal....well, we really did not have a clue about what the other person really cared about, nor what they needed -- I was speaking about my man and I. And then our kids......they had their own issues and like I said, I have been reflecting and praising God.

God can make a way when there seems like no other way.  God can bring beauty from the ashes.  God can restore.  God does miracles.  Seeing something that was so hopelessly dead come back to life - is a high like no other.  Seeing a person fall back in love with Jesus and begin to trust Him again, is a high like no other, a joy to watch and be a witness too.  Knowing a God that heals, restores, and cares, and holds you no matter what the circumstance is something that I NEVER wish to go without.

Yes, we are not 'normal' here anymore.  Our lives are very different.  There is communication.  There is peace.  There is fun.  There is laughing.  There are phone calls.  There are endless conversations and needs being met.  There is study.  There is planning.  There is respect and honor and thankfulness.  There is repentance.  There is restoration.   There is love being reborn and shared, and cared for.  God does give us the desires of our heart.

I got to thinking about that verse, my one desire as a kid was to grow up, get married to my prince and enjoy my happy life.  Little did I know what I would have to overcome.  Now mind you, everything is relative.  I realized that my 'suffering'  is relative, there are people that are facing the loss of their homes, family with illness, and people with major difficulty so I am no POllyanna and I realize how blessed I am, but I also know that no matter what your circumstance is, you can be over it or under it and I don't plan on being under anything again.  God is victorious.   And God did grant me the desire of my heart, I wanted a relationship restored, I wanted children to love and respect their dad, and I wanted to be loved because of who I was not what I did or looked like, or didn't look like.  I wanted a best friend and help meet - I wanted the man back that I believed he was so many years ago!  And, in the process, God did a work on me.  I was no Princess - not at all, people just did not 'see' my sin.  So there it is.

I guess that was not an earth shattering revelation but it was therapy to me to reflect these  past two  months  and just praise God for what HE has done.  And in this time, even more healing, yes, even more healing happened.

I believe forgiveness is a state of mind and it is two fold.  The act of forgiving is what God calls us to do but then living in that forgiveness  and making  the reconciliation a priority is the HARDER part.  That part does not have us in Limbo, but it has us a work in progress.  I know and realize that more healing had occurred today as I was thinking after I saw this one person, and she inquired about me and my man.  In the past, I would update her and beg for more prayer.  In fact, I asked for prayer from many and I know MANY did pray.  However, the 'need' to seek prayer out was NOT there.  Oh my.

Could this be, I am trusting?  I am feeling secure?  ....Finally...after years?  If it is - I am liking it.  In fact I told her,  when you think of us - pray, but I would rather have you hold up NAN in prayer each time you called on God instead of me.  And if God called her to pray for me or us, then PRAY and PRAY earnestly, but otherwise just say a praise and be reminded that God does RESTORE and HE wins.

Enough said -
michelle

there is going to be an Encounter....

This week has been a blur, today Brendan said the week had  gone by so slow; however,  for me - it has been a array of emotions and experiences and blessings and GOD speaks to me again but it was a FAST week!

This Monday there was a personal situation that floored me- took me back, or really set me back.  It has to do with my profession, but it made me stop, rethink, relook, and self-question EVERYTHING about myself and what I do and  how I do it.  Funny how one person's words and opinions can totally stop you and make you rethink.  And, in the middle of it and in the aftermath of it, as I took it personally, I relied on HIS word for comfort and strength, but still those fleshly words shouldn't have made THAT much of a difference - and yet it did.

I am human.

Then Tuesday, I got the privledge to listen to Gov. Mike Huckabee at the Okeechobee Pregnancy Center Gala.  What a beautiful evening, beautiful setting, sitting  with beautiful friends, and yet even then, there  was an element of awkwardness that had to be realized and dealt with - another personal matter.  Within the first 30 minutes of sitting there, I felt like saying, 'really God'...'when it rains, it pours?'........

I am human.


Then Wednesday began.  I had a task at hand.  There are a group of woman, as I type,  in Titusville at an Encounter Weekend.  They traveled the trip, prepared their hearts to take a weekend and seek some one on one time with God and one of them is my girl, my first born.  I have prayed and planned, that I would be a prayer warrior.  Not only for her but for the other women going.  So, I fasted and prayed and asked God to speak.

I am human...but by Wednesday, I was feeling SO much better.  Physically God was healing my head cold.  In my classroom,  a few positive encounters with parents proved to my fleshy heart and head that I am 'not so bad', and in the area of other stuff....God spoke!    The past few days have been such a blur cause they passed by so fast.

When we dwell on the yuck...time goes so slow, when we really seek HIM...time flies.
........... Simple lesson that I continually have to learn and relearn!

God spoke to me directly on Tuesday night.  HE sort of put me in MY PLACE....humbled me a bit, no,  a lot and reminded me HOW BIG HE really is.  I will confess.  On Tuesday, I did not  come face to face with the one I blamed for the heartache in my marriage, but that person was there, I saw her and God spoke.  Now I am being very honest here, and trusting that if you are reading this, you love me and will hold my confidence - but seeing her was very hard.  Just hard.  Hard.  Awkward.  Did she know I was there?   How real  is God?  HOW much does HE prepare us for what we will encounter?   For the past month, I had been dealing with some feelings and thoughts and guess what?  I had written her a card.  I had prayed and talked to God and felt that a card was the answer.  I did -- I had thought that.   I did. I had picked it out - it was the perfect card.  It was a card that was my favorite  to receive and it just simply stated that God loved her.  And I wrote: you are forgiven.  That is the truth.  She is.   Very simple, no need for other words. And I prayed and prayed about how to get it to her, and with God's direction, it was in my purse for when HE orchestrated a meeting and I felt peace.  Funny.....God knew, HE so knew.

But my head had some other 'rational' feeling that she needed to read that card...that she needed to know that so that she could be healed and move on.  .......Yep, that was my thinking.  Funny.  I realize I have not blogged in a bit, maybe being too personal right this moment and maybe sharing too much, but...my emotions and thoughts have been ALL over the place and many times in the past 2 1/2 years since the sin was revealed, I have written stuff in private but it was not for anyone else to read,  but anyway,  through much counsel and study, I believe I have always acted and behaved in the best way, showing kindness, forgiveness and mercy.  But like I said, I had this card in my purse and I was sincere.  However, God,  gently,  but MOST  perfectly reminded me, "am I not God?  ....Can I not see to it that my children have what is needed?  Can I not provide for her what is needed in her healing?.....Do you really think it is up to you- michelle?"

HE reminded me of a word HE gave me months ago - the pain won't kill you.

Now, mind you, it was not an audible voice, but it was so real and I knew that I knew that  I knew, and then I laughed.  "you are God...I am so sorry.  To think that it was 'up' to me, forgive me Lord!"  Instantly, my stomach ache disappeared.  I suddenly listened and enjoyed the speaker  instead of allowing my flesh to take over my thoughts and I laughed to myself and at myself with God.  I have been 'hit' or scolded often in my life....I can handle the way God does it so much better, than maybe when a parent, friend, or boss does it.  But anyway.....I pulled out that card, ripped it in half and well, it is over.  And I believe even MORE healing occurred.  HEALING is  a process....I love how it comes in stages and steps as HE continually shows me how loved I am.

I am sure that in this small town, there may be another event or something where our paths will cross and HE will have that all handled as well!  However, now I can see how HE closed a door.

And in that, on Wednesday, God reminded me of this:  I am loved.  When I say, "I love you Lord".....I started to say "I love you too"...in response.  Like I could hear God say that, "I love you too!".   As I heard Beth Moore speak about this...God put that thought and feeling of love into my heart first...HE loved me first, that is why I can LOVE HIM......so for Wednesday and the rest of the week, every time I said or thought, "I love you Lord"....I immediately repeated to myself, "I love you too"....and it has helped in the healing and believing department.    Until this area is completely healed...I believe God was saying, "let me remind you often - I LOVE you too!"......Then I asked God, "ok, what is something I need to share with the ladies at the Encounter if they ask?"  And HE reminded me.....the healing will be complete....hold on....believe......God's faithfulness is like human faithfulness - only PERFECT.  HIS love is absolute and HIS promises are irrevocable.

So therefore, I have no reason to have a stomach ache...this life is temporal - the pain won't kill me....

And another thing.....Pride....we must watch out for our pride.  We must surrender our Flesh to the Holy Spirit and be willing ....

I believe this is for the ladies or a few of the ladies at the Encounter -

1Peter 3: 8-9 The message:
Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, and be humble.  That goes for ALL of you, no exceptions. No retaliation.  No sharp tongued sarcasm.  Instead, bless -- that is your job, to bless. you'll be a blessing and also get a blessing.

I believed I was being loving with that card...I believe I was trying to bless...but I believe God knew, no, HE knew my motive.  I don't think I wanted to acknowledge my heart's true motive.  I really believed I knew what to do.  My heart's motive was really one of spiritual 'arrogance'....I was 'better' than her...and I needed to help her heal....THAT is SO not the case.

Even as I write and edit this post and rethink.....I am floored that I DID not see that until God revealed it to me.

I realize that I may 'deal' with this thorn in my side for the rest of my life -- and that is OK, it keeps me RIGHT close to Jesus and holding firm....and I am reminded of:

Romans 8:18...What we suffer now, is nothing compared to the glory HE will reveal to us later!  Amen.

And finally,  this goes with the other 'two' words I got from HIM this week -- which were for ME as much as maybe it is for the some of the ladies at the encounter....

Deut  33: 26-27
"There is no one like God of Israel, He rides across the heavens to help you, across the skies in majestic splendor.  the eternal God is your refuge, and HIS everlasting arms are under you, He drives out the enemy before you and cries out DESTROY them!"

I know that each and every lady at that Encounter this weekend will hear directly from God and HE will provide EXACTLY what is needed within their lives...whether I pray or not, HE is able.  However, with my prayers and my diligence.....I am also blessed as our prayers  MOVE God....we Bless HIM with our praises and our worship.  I LOVE being a friend of HIS...and I love that HE has my first born - in every which way!


Lord, thank you for the revelations YOU gave me this week.  Again, I know - YOU do this often, I am just not as in tune, forgive me Lord.  No, I believe you do this constantly and each moment, but I am just not listening.

Lord thanks for the love...I love you too....continue YOUR healing of my heart, my head, and our lives....thank you.  Thank you for winning!

me

Happy Anniversary!



August 15, 1987

25 years ago, on August 15th, (in the morning)  I quickly drove home to pick up Trevor and Nathan as they were the little ring bears and they had to get their tux's. I did not stick around long to do much of anything else, the barn doors were open, and I could hear my dad milking in the barn.  Very distinct sound!    And the day began.  25 years ago it was a VERY hot Wisconsin day.  Getting ALL 8 of my siblings there and my parents was a feat, as they each had a part in the wedding party!   25 years ago, I am sure I called home more than once  to make sure everyone was 'ok' and on their way to the church - I had planned the wedding to be AFTER the cows had to be milked but way before the evening chores!  25 years years ago, with family and friends we said some vows. 

Now, I don't think I married my best friend 25 years ago - I don't think I knew how to be a real friend.  In grade school I would have one best friend or two best friends, like Wendy and Rene, but if I missed school the next day, when I returned-- Leah and Wendy were best pals, Rene was now friends with Maggie and I got 'stuck' with Jennifer.  Oh - how cruel this sounds.  So....25 years ago, I married a  good looking friend.   Whom now, I can say....is becoming MY BEST friend. 


He was the most handsome guy I knew.
 I know I had BIG dreams for our lives together - such expectations.
I knew I loved him dearly -  dearly .
And I was so excited to begin this NEW life together. 

I had NO idea of how young we really were. 
WE had NO money.
I had NO idea of how to communicate or even be 'married' other than what I saw on TV and what I witnessed around me.  However, I had GOOD teachers.

Our lives began.


25 years is a LONG time, but yet  when I was looking for some photos ( other than seeing how YOUNG we look) it seems like it has been about  -- maybe 10-15 years....

There was college, student teaching, moving to Florida, apartment life, the arrival of Taylor, building a house, and then Hunter...and so on and so on. 
Family trips, Christmas Trees, and every August another anniversary would roll around in the middle of us both trying to set up a classroom for school to begin. 

And there were other weddings..... This photo was at year 17...at Trevor and Marcie's wedding.  Happy Years! 

Oh my, this was in 1997, at prom....Happy 10th Anniversary!    Happy Years!  We look like babies!

Here is 24.5 years....last December - new bike, new hobbie, new memories! 
Tomorrow is no different, as I 'blog' this on the eve of....tomorrow is our 25th wedding anniversary.  It is a milestone in the world -- a QUARTER of a century....it really is just another day. 

A day I am very thankful for.

Psm. 27.14 says: Rely on the Lord!  Be strong and confident!  Rely on the Lord! 

25 years later, I think I know what it means now to be married and how HARD it really is, whether you celebrate year #2, 5, 7, 13 or even 18!!   My parents celebrated year #46 this year.  Brendan's folks celebrated year #51.....by God's Grace. 

I pray we live long enough to see our children celebrate their 25th...If the Lord tarries. 

I am very thankful for the past 25 years - ALL of them, even the harder ones.  Life is not easy, praise God for Jeremiah 29.11....for I know the plans I have for you, "to prosper you and not to harm you - to give you hope and a future".....


25 years later, he is STILL the most handsome guy I know.
I still have BIG dreams for us.
I know I love him dearly, but there is ONE big difference now, I love God more.  (BP is sort of 2nd)
I am more excited about the next 25 years...seriously! 


Now I realize HOW young we really were, and we both try and remember that!
WE still have no money...ha ha.
And I think finally after some time, we are finally figuring out how to really communicate! 

Happy Anniversary Brendan, I am VERY proud of you.
-chelly

Matthew 6.14

when God confirms something 3x....

Praise God, in my bible study the other day, Beth Moore asked a question, "when is the last time you just fell onto your knees and was in complete AWE of HIM?"...

Last night would be one of those times.  My house was full of ladies fellowshipping and I was beaming ear to ear.

Last night when my man returned home and asked me to come and 'listen' to him.
Two weekends ago when I sat on my porch and just watched praise and worship music by myself.

This morning, my girl was bathing the little one of a dear family  - they entrusted their 3 year old to my girl, giving her full responsibility to care of her.  My girl was being Mom #2 to her. 

So Beth, it happens, often, but I just needed your reminder earlier this week.  That is one of the ways HE speaks to us - through you and others. 

And it happened just now, if I could, I would bow down right here in this spot, instead my eyes will fill with tears and I know that I know, HE is saying...I GOT this! 

Today, how Glorious ...Lord, you gave me this scripture again via different people and messages and I must share it: 

Isaiah 41.13
  For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear; I will help you.". 

Isaiah 41:10 
So do not fear, for I am with you do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

And Isaiah 49:16
" I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands!" 

Oh God.....3x today......THAT is YOUR word. 

GOD is our right hand......he is RIGHT.....thank you Lord, thank you for providing your Word that is a direct link to you.  I thank you, as you know, your scripture in Isaiah 49.16 held me together so often, just a few short years ago.  I literally had to visuaize you holding it up and picking me up.  And YOU did.  YOU do.  You  are!   And then the extra blessing of reading what Pam Tebow wrote on my card, from Psm. 16.8..."I will be your right hand".....so that is 4x. 

Someone needed this today - I did.  I believe BP did...so I posted.  That someone needs to know, HE has this, hang in there!   Humbled. 
Love you much Lord,

Amen.