Please forgive me....

Please forgive me, I had an expectation of you that was not met and it hurt my heart.  

Please forgive me, I had a frustration and felt for a moment ---you are not committed.

Please forgive me, I had an expectation that was not met and it created thoughts a bit where I questioned what was a priority in you. 

Please forgive me ......   God clearly showed me my error and HOW wrong I was. 

Please forgive me......  for the expectation that YOU should of been as committed as I am?  

Oh...NOT that one,  that confession, hurt to type.

Please forgive me, as I had an expectation and expected you to fill it.
Please forgive me, as I felt YOU are not as committed as "I" believe you should be.  

Ok Lord,  I began the blog confession that You clearly wrote in my head and heart yesterday morning while I was hosting PINK.    But THIS Is hard.   THIS could be misunderstood.  THIS could cause an offense.  THIS could turn someone seeking you -- off.  But Lord, this may also speak to the one you want...the one you want to return to you, wholeheartedly and with repentance because there has been something other than YOU at the top of her heart. 

Ok Lord,  this is going to be a delicate blog to post -- as ONLY YOU can protect the hearts that read it ...I do not want to add guilt or shame, but use this to speak so personally to the one or two that will read it.  

....squirrel...  as I am blogging this early am, I have worship music playing behind my screen.  Right now I hear Chris Carnes  ( Kari Jobe Carnes's honey) sing.... "the Cross has the final word".

It places everything into perspective.

That song places everything into perspective.  Let me explain.....


I spent two days with a group of 40+ women.  Actually, I spent the weekend with 9000+ women.  I am part of a team at my church that has been given an assignment -- Women's Ministry.  I know of the  assignments God has given me.  I pray that was grammatically correct, but He has laid on my heart some ideas and events that HE wants to use to draw women in.

   I learned  so MUCH this weekend and God confirmed that He is using me at this time....as He knows, I will give HIM the glory.  One of the speakers taught us about being CALLED and being SENT.  All are called.  We all have a calling, but God is the one who sends us.   His timing is perfect and He sends us when He knows...we won't rely on ourselves...when our self-reliance is gone...so that all will know HE did 'this' or HE  gets the glory.

My self-reliance is gone.  There was NO way this past weekend could of happened without many helpers but also because of God!  It was all God!  

I believe He confirmed in me that HE has SENT me.  I am ready.   I am just the 'conduit'...the 'culvert'  being used to help connect women to women.  I am just being used to help provide resources and prayer.  I am being used by HIM...but all glory goes to HIM.    All glory.

God showed up in a mighty way and we, the women at the PINK Impact Conference these past 2 days,  could feel HIM as present as the 9000 women who were in attendance in Fort Worth Texas 'live' last weekend.

 God does that!

For me... if the music is played loud enough and if my  heart is cleared and open to receive, it does not matter if it is a tape delayed presentation or a live one -- God moves.

God speaks.
God delivers.
God was present.

And I wanted that ...THAT for so many more.  
I just wanted THAT for so many more.  

So I questioned myself or allowed the enemy to whisper..."you did not advertise it like you did last year".  "You did not specifically ASK those to come, you only sent a link or a social media invite".   And, "you did not fast  for this event...you should of".

Those thoughts lasted  ONLY about 10 seconds, as the enemy does NOT defeat me that quickly anymore. I have gained some ground as I am secure in Christ and quickly reminded Satan, "there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus".

But I still WANTED  this for many more. 


I confessed on Saturday morning to the women in our sancutary, I wanted MORE in attendance.
However, I knew that I knew, as my precious husband reminded me that morning and the evening before..."THIS Is NOT about numbers Chell, this is about hearts". 

   My husband gave me that insight.

My husband  who is very aware of numbers.
My husband who 4-10 years previously...would of NOT cared about a person's heart.  Well, he did care...but he was not worried about their connection to Christ.

My husband, who was a part of the prayer that bathed this event for the past few months.
My husband, who is wise and who seeks God's counsel and uses God's word to encourage me.  

So, as I said,  I did want MORE in attendance but God quickly reminded me through several...the ONES that came, where God ordained and appointed.

( And Mrs. Griffen, thank you for that reminder and confirmation today on your FB post!!  I may sound confident, but God still uses precious people to confirm what HE says to me.  I know that I know all of my affirmation must come from HIM and THAT is what HE is presently teaching me and training me to endure -- but when a sister in Christ gives a sweet affirmation, my heart immediately smiles! )  


....squirrel....sorry -- back to the attendance...

It did not matter if there was 100 or 5 in that room -- HE was there.  HE appointed this time.  HE anointed the event and it changed people.   

And I knew instantly, HE, God,  would  provide THAT or THIS for you --
YOu... the one I am seeking forgiveness from -- YOU...but it will be in HIS time.   

So, again, please forgive me!

  
Please forgive me, as I had an expectation and expected you to fill it.
Please forgive me, as I felt YOU are not as committed as "I" believe you should be.  



So  God has me there...  here.... having a heart to HELP women... having a heart to share God's goodness and tools to get freedom!!  


 However, God reminded  me over and over...HE draws you near, and He saves...not me.  

And HE uses HIS word to remind and teach me and to 'reproof' me.......

Thessalonians 5New Living Translation (NLT)

5 Now concerning how and when all this will happen, dear brothers and sisters,^[a] we don’t really need to write you. ² For you know quite well that the day of the Lord’s return will come unexpectedly, like a thief in the night. ³ When people are saying, “Everything is peaceful and secure,” then disaster will fall on them as suddenly as a pregnant woman’s labor pains begin. And there will be no escape.

This passage reminds me, time is short! 

Later in Thessalonians --  

¹¹ So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

Paul’s Final Advice

¹² Dear brothers and sisters, honor those who are your leaders in the Lord’s work. They work hard among you and give you spiritual guidance. ¹³ Show them great respect and wholehearted love because of their work. And live peacefully with each other.

¹⁴ Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.
¹⁵ See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people.
¹⁶ Always be joyful. ¹⁷ Never stop praying. ¹⁸ Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
¹⁹ Do not stifle the Holy Spirit. ²⁰ Do not scoff at prophecies, ²¹ but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. ²² Stay away from every kind of evil.


His assignment for  me is to plan, provide, and, encourage--

So please forgive me, that I looked to you and expected something that God did not ordain at this time and moment.  

So please forgive me  -- I prayed for you and asked HIM to surround you in such a way that your heart yearns and longs for Him. 

So please forgive me....God may be Lord of Your life but I judged you - wrongly.  
I had an expectation that I placed upon you -- please forgive me.  

And perhaps this blog post has reminded you that .....HE is drawing you...
And perhaps this blog post has convicted  you, as you  ignored the event because you allowed distractions .....please know,   HE is drawing you close...   This is not about shame! 

GOD is right there with you -- just talk to HIM.
 Allow HIM to speak ....  allow Him to remind YOU how He formed you in your mother's womb and He has known about this day for all of your life.

Allow Him to draw you close, just clear the places so your ears can hear -- HIM.

Lord, OK...I did it.  I blogged.  This was a tough one.  But as YOU showed me how to circle well, I can rest in the fact that I know -- THIS is one of the ways you speak to Your people.  
I may not have written affirmation for each blog that we write together that it has indeed changed a life, but I look forward to our time in heaven when the BIG Jumbo-tron is brought out and I get to see the seeds I planted and what happened.  Until then....I will TRUST only YOU in these matters and I pray the enemy stays AWAY today....as even last night, after a big and glorious weekend -- HE attacked and tried HIS best to worm his way into my evening ...but YOU won.  As you always do but YOU will win when it comes to me...as I am bound and determined to live that life...worthy of Your calling...  IN Jesus name.  Amen.