Please forgive me....

Please forgive me, I had an expectation of you that was not met and it hurt my heart.  

Please forgive me, I had a frustration and felt for a moment ---you are not committed.

Please forgive me, I had an expectation that was not met and it created thoughts a bit where I questioned what was a priority in you. 

Please forgive me ......   God clearly showed me my error and HOW wrong I was. 

Please forgive me......  for the expectation that YOU should of been as committed as I am?  

Oh...NOT that one,  that confession, hurt to type.

Please forgive me, as I had an expectation and expected you to fill it.
Please forgive me, as I felt YOU are not as committed as "I" believe you should be.  

Ok Lord,  I began the blog confession that You clearly wrote in my head and heart yesterday morning while I was hosting PINK.    But THIS Is hard.   THIS could be misunderstood.  THIS could cause an offense.  THIS could turn someone seeking you -- off.  But Lord, this may also speak to the one you want...the one you want to return to you, wholeheartedly and with repentance because there has been something other than YOU at the top of her heart. 

Ok Lord,  this is going to be a delicate blog to post -- as ONLY YOU can protect the hearts that read it ...I do not want to add guilt or shame, but use this to speak so personally to the one or two that will read it.  

....squirrel...  as I am blogging this early am, I have worship music playing behind my screen.  Right now I hear Chris Carnes  ( Kari Jobe Carnes's honey) sing.... "the Cross has the final word".

It places everything into perspective.

That song places everything into perspective.  Let me explain.....


I spent two days with a group of 40+ women.  Actually, I spent the weekend with 9000+ women.  I am part of a team at my church that has been given an assignment -- Women's Ministry.  I know of the  assignments God has given me.  I pray that was grammatically correct, but He has laid on my heart some ideas and events that HE wants to use to draw women in.

   I learned  so MUCH this weekend and God confirmed that He is using me at this time....as He knows, I will give HIM the glory.  One of the speakers taught us about being CALLED and being SENT.  All are called.  We all have a calling, but God is the one who sends us.   His timing is perfect and He sends us when He knows...we won't rely on ourselves...when our self-reliance is gone...so that all will know HE did 'this' or HE  gets the glory.

My self-reliance is gone.  There was NO way this past weekend could of happened without many helpers but also because of God!  It was all God!  

I believe He confirmed in me that HE has SENT me.  I am ready.   I am just the 'conduit'...the 'culvert'  being used to help connect women to women.  I am just being used to help provide resources and prayer.  I am being used by HIM...but all glory goes to HIM.    All glory.

God showed up in a mighty way and we, the women at the PINK Impact Conference these past 2 days,  could feel HIM as present as the 9000 women who were in attendance in Fort Worth Texas 'live' last weekend.

 God does that!

For me... if the music is played loud enough and if my  heart is cleared and open to receive, it does not matter if it is a tape delayed presentation or a live one -- God moves.

God speaks.
God delivers.
God was present.

And I wanted that ...THAT for so many more.  
I just wanted THAT for so many more.  

So I questioned myself or allowed the enemy to whisper..."you did not advertise it like you did last year".  "You did not specifically ASK those to come, you only sent a link or a social media invite".   And, "you did not fast  for this event...you should of".

Those thoughts lasted  ONLY about 10 seconds, as the enemy does NOT defeat me that quickly anymore. I have gained some ground as I am secure in Christ and quickly reminded Satan, "there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus".

But I still WANTED  this for many more. 


I confessed on Saturday morning to the women in our sancutary, I wanted MORE in attendance.
However, I knew that I knew, as my precious husband reminded me that morning and the evening before..."THIS Is NOT about numbers Chell, this is about hearts". 

   My husband gave me that insight.

My husband  who is very aware of numbers.
My husband who 4-10 years previously...would of NOT cared about a person's heart.  Well, he did care...but he was not worried about their connection to Christ.

My husband, who was a part of the prayer that bathed this event for the past few months.
My husband, who is wise and who seeks God's counsel and uses God's word to encourage me.  

So, as I said,  I did want MORE in attendance but God quickly reminded me through several...the ONES that came, where God ordained and appointed.

( And Mrs. Griffen, thank you for that reminder and confirmation today on your FB post!!  I may sound confident, but God still uses precious people to confirm what HE says to me.  I know that I know all of my affirmation must come from HIM and THAT is what HE is presently teaching me and training me to endure -- but when a sister in Christ gives a sweet affirmation, my heart immediately smiles! )  


....squirrel....sorry -- back to the attendance...

It did not matter if there was 100 or 5 in that room -- HE was there.  HE appointed this time.  HE anointed the event and it changed people.   

And I knew instantly, HE, God,  would  provide THAT or THIS for you --
YOu... the one I am seeking forgiveness from -- YOU...but it will be in HIS time.   

So, again, please forgive me!

  
Please forgive me, as I had an expectation and expected you to fill it.
Please forgive me, as I felt YOU are not as committed as "I" believe you should be.  



So  God has me there...  here.... having a heart to HELP women... having a heart to share God's goodness and tools to get freedom!!  


 However, God reminded  me over and over...HE draws you near, and He saves...not me.  

And HE uses HIS word to remind and teach me and to 'reproof' me.......

Thessalonians 5New Living Translation (NLT)

5 Now concerning how and when all this will happen, dear brothers and sisters,^[a] we don’t really need to write you. ² For you know quite well that the day of the Lord’s return will come unexpectedly, like a thief in the night. ³ When people are saying, “Everything is peaceful and secure,” then disaster will fall on them as suddenly as a pregnant woman’s labor pains begin. And there will be no escape.

This passage reminds me, time is short! 

Later in Thessalonians --  

¹¹ So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

Paul’s Final Advice

¹² Dear brothers and sisters, honor those who are your leaders in the Lord’s work. They work hard among you and give you spiritual guidance. ¹³ Show them great respect and wholehearted love because of their work. And live peacefully with each other.

¹⁴ Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.
¹⁵ See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people.
¹⁶ Always be joyful. ¹⁷ Never stop praying. ¹⁸ Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
¹⁹ Do not stifle the Holy Spirit. ²⁰ Do not scoff at prophecies, ²¹ but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. ²² Stay away from every kind of evil.


His assignment for  me is to plan, provide, and, encourage--

So please forgive me, that I looked to you and expected something that God did not ordain at this time and moment.  

So please forgive me  -- I prayed for you and asked HIM to surround you in such a way that your heart yearns and longs for Him. 

So please forgive me....God may be Lord of Your life but I judged you - wrongly.  
I had an expectation that I placed upon you -- please forgive me.  

And perhaps this blog post has reminded you that .....HE is drawing you...
And perhaps this blog post has convicted  you, as you  ignored the event because you allowed distractions .....please know,   HE is drawing you close...   This is not about shame! 

GOD is right there with you -- just talk to HIM.
 Allow HIM to speak ....  allow Him to remind YOU how He formed you in your mother's womb and He has known about this day for all of your life.

Allow Him to draw you close, just clear the places so your ears can hear -- HIM.

Lord, OK...I did it.  I blogged.  This was a tough one.  But as YOU showed me how to circle well, I can rest in the fact that I know -- THIS is one of the ways you speak to Your people.  
I may not have written affirmation for each blog that we write together that it has indeed changed a life, but I look forward to our time in heaven when the BIG Jumbo-tron is brought out and I get to see the seeds I planted and what happened.  Until then....I will TRUST only YOU in these matters and I pray the enemy stays AWAY today....as even last night, after a big and glorious weekend -- HE attacked and tried HIS best to worm his way into my evening ...but YOU won.  As you always do but YOU will win when it comes to me...as I am bound and determined to live that life...worthy of Your calling...  IN Jesus name.  Amen.  

Expecting #21 - WE won't be attacked. 27 women!

27 women were embraced with Robes of royal purple.  I can see  them all --  it was a dream that came true -- 

    ---- beautiful woman,   walking in GRACE and slow -- very methodical -- towards.... heaven and their  destiny, but "her" head was held high and  she KNEW where she was going, and she knew that THIS is the time...and she was fully aware of WHAT she was getting into and she continued to go forward.  

I remember the Story of Ester.  Here is a recap of that Book in the Bible:  

Esther was a young, beautiful, Jewish woman living in Persia. She was unknowingly thrust into one of the greatest stories of all time, due to a very strange turn of events. Esther proved to be a woman of unusual wisdom and courage, facing adversity and wickedness with a quiet confidence and grace. While God is not directly mentioned in this book, His hand and perfect timing are seen in every turn of events. 

Then her story can teach us some lessons:  

Esther saved the Jews. Her life can teach us several vital lessons

1. There is a preparation time.
She allowed herself to be prepared for the task. God's preparation time can sometimes be long and uneventful. Moses spent 40 years in the desert looking after sheep before coming to deliver the Israelites. The refining of our characters is very essential to God's plan for our life. God cannot use a proud woman (or man).

I believe there was a season in my life where GOD prepared me.  HE changed the way I felt about Him and myself and then, when I was ready -- HE did allow some revelation and I know that I know that my 'time' was THEN to walk with HIM and walk in faith and learn to TRUST God.  

I believe these 27 women clearly gained their freedom because the leadership team DID bathe this in prayer ...we decided that   this had to be bathed in prayer, prayer over the ladies, their rooms, their group assignments and even throughout the entire weekend, prayer always went before the session or teaching. 

I remember another friend that was in a battle for her daughter's life.  Her daughter was gripped with an eating stronghold and even the pediatrician told her - that the daughter would probably not 'survive' the disorder.  But...that mom KNEW - SHE knew GOD WAS able and she continued in prayer and guess what -- God did -- that young woman is a warrior for HIM!   God heals.  

2. We need the favour of God.
Esther found favour with the King and so did Mordecai. Even Jesus grew in favour with God and man (Luke 2:52). When you live a life pleasing to God, by obeying His will you will find favour with Him. God will also give you favour with people.

I have had people come to me and say, "pray for me as YOUR prayers are heard".  God hears each and every prayer.  We do need God's favor and it comes with our obedience.   The key is living a life pleasing to God.  I believe many times we give up or give in ....right before the blessing comes.  And so often, we give up or give in cause God does N OT seem to be moving in our timeline - and we get impatient.  God's timing does seem slow, but trusting it -- brings favor.  

I believe these women have  God's favor...each one  is walking in it.  

3. God works in His own time and season.
Esther got her timing right. Maybe God has put it on your heart to do something for Him. Don't just jump into it but wait for his time. Joseph was in jail until it was God's time for him to be released. God will move in His time when we remain faithful and alert to His leading.

Another lesson from Ester on God's timing.....it does seem like God is really trying to TEACH us something.  I believe there is a woman reading this tonight -- and right now, she knows that God is telling her -- NOW is the time...

Maybe NOW is the time to fast and pray for a specific child that  is lost or mixed up in sin...

Maybe NOW is the time for you to sit next to a friend who is in a storm and just PRAY with her...

Maybe NOW is the time to get off your butt...and DO something....for HIM...instead of expecting God to lay it all before you...

Maybe NOW is the time to actually pray and seek counsel on something or a stronghold that has plagued you for FAR too long...

Maybe NOW is the time to go to church - find one...worship one...and maybe ask yourself, "does God know me?"...

Maybe NOW is the time to give and extend forgiveness...

Maybe NOW is the appointed time for restoration within a part of your family...

Maybe NOW is the appointed time...

But I know some 27 women that WOULD tell you --  GOD does heal a broken heart...GOD does show you HOW to walk in your freedom and GOD meets YOU right where you are and as each day passes...these women will probably tell you - THEY LOVE God more than they ever have......  

But you can ask one of them....

4. Your background does not hinder your future with God.
Esther was an orphan. God still exalted her and used her. Some of Jesus' disciples were fishermen, tax collectors and one was a doctor. Your background does not determine what God can do with you. Your faith does.

I did a bible study on Ester with Beth Moore.  A major part of the study is taking a look at 'our past' and that it has BROUGHT us to this point - here and now.  Our past was our destiny.  Our past did shape our future -- but it never has to dictate it.  

God has allowed experiences within out lives -- as we walk through it with HIM...we can then, do that for another and help another walk through the pain of..... a death....a betrayal....a rejection....

God gave each women the courage to share with some of us --their past...and yet.. now...IT NO longer is a stronghold for them...they are FREE!

God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary -- our faith creates miracles!  
There were 27 ordinary women that were already EXTRAORDINARY last Friday at the beginning our Our God Encounter Weekend...but NOW they BELIEVE they are!!   amen.  

And I get to WATCH and see the EXTRAORDINARY take place....it already has in many lives!  

There is NOTHING God can't heal, restore, or redeem.

There is NOTHING that can separate the love HE has for us -- expect maybe us....

Are you in a season like Ester was?   Is now the time to step it up -- and help SAVE a child or friend around you?

Only You and God know the answer to that --

If Ester had NOT spoken up when she did  -- what would of happened?

She saved a people....

Who have you helped God to save today?

I bet if you know one of those 27 women....they will change your thoughts today....

- humbled, Michelle

Yesterday -- was DAy #20....  I was SO physically EXHAUSTED from our wonderful weekend that all I could do was pray a simple prayer and then hit my pillow -- but you know what -- GOD knew...and GOD honored  that prayer .....and today --  today is another day in HIS presence....and HE will guide and direct.

Today I am blessed with "Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, My soul clings to you: your right hand upholds me."  - Psalm 63: 7-8

 Homework:   Thank God for ALL that transpired this past weekend or today - give thanks! 

I wish....

I wish we could of LIVE streamed this - another amazing night.  Our FIRST Men's Encounter Celebration where 'our' men put it together and 'our' men lead it.

I wish for this one moment the men were a bit more like the women -- as when women got up and shared what transpired -- they gave some details....most of these men only shared, " I am free".....LOL.

I wish I could see WHAT will transpire in the homes of these men over the next few days as they WALK in this new freedom.

I wish everyone I know - could experience the joy and journey these men embarked upon.

I wish I could afford to send EVERY one of my brothers  -- even fly them down from Wisconsin!!!  I really would if I could......

I wish my husband would of MADE it into this photo -- LOL!    Where or Who knows where he was?  Outside - greeting visitors......ah but no worries.  I can  totally see how being a leader at this Encounter has deepened his relationship with God!  

I wish you could of  seen my face when I witnessed my Father - n- Law 'dance in a sort of make shift Conga line'....that has NEVER happened before.   And he clapped WITH the beat -- miracles happen!


I wish you could of heard my friend Don...as he spoke about WHAT he received as being a leader -which brought us all to tears...but then laughter as another fellow then  - 'carried' him off the stage!    What laughter!!

I wish I would of recorded the CHANT when Doc got up to share and how his 'dirty underwares' were now clean....oh LORD --  What a miracle within his life alone  ..but to now see him set free of strongholds and we get to WITNESS what YOU are going to do through him....I am in tears - thinking of all of YOUR signs and wonders -- that I will get to see  as You shine in his life!

I wish all the women within my circle of friends and prayer warriors could experience what I did - when my husband came home from the Encounter and WE shared and talked about his experience as a leader and then I was able to share mine again ....and how we had such similar experiences with God -- and HOW that bonded us even together -- further....more healing!!



I wish for every woman that sat in that service this morning -- longing for their husband to go to an Encounter -- to have the HOPE that their husband will....soon!

I wish....

I wish..

Oh Wait......I know  ----

Lord, I pray -- I pray -- that you will indeed allow us to do this again....that those women that I pray for and with....WILL see their husbands attend the next MEN's Encounter and be set free.  
I pray for the men that wanted to attend this past Encounter but were unable too -- will wait patiently and soon - another one will be scheduled!  
I pray for YOUR will to be done Lord....
I thank you again for the time of my own Encounter and WHAT you did in me.  I thank you for my husband's Encounter and for the opportunities we have had to be leaders in the recent Women's and Men's Encounters.  I thank you for 'new family' that was  in the audience today -- that experienced a taste of WHAT YOU can do. I pray they will return - and FALL back in love with you -- or WANT to be closer to you!   I thank you -- for a Pastor and Wife....that had a  'life crisis'...which changed them....so it changed  what they did and HOW  they ministered...which changed me...and now I get to see it change others....

There is NO HIGH - like a Jesus high.

 There is NOTHING sweeter than when you pray for another and you see strongholds leave...there is NOTHING greater than to know -- God USED you in the life of another - and now that life is in the Lamb's Book of LIfe.  

God -- the words DO NOT give you the glory needed.....

God - YOU win...YOUR glory fell tonight...
YOUR glory - was in our place at church this eve....
YOUR glory will continue to shine within these families that are now forever changed because there is a FREED UP man within them and among them...
Lord, I pray as Pastor DAve did - that these men will KEEP their freedom and KEEP their bibles open - seeking and honoring you.  
Lord, thank you  -- I thank you that I don't have to WISH....I just pray.  
In YOUR name...amen.  
PS Lord -- I really felt that after the Women's Encounter -- 'how could YOU top THAT Celebration??....and YOU did tonight'....seriously.....
It is sort of like children - right ?   You can never really 'love one child more than another'...they are both equal and yet different and yet STILL the same.....
I can't even imagine WHAT transpired within your Heaven and its HOST of angels  this evening....did you all sit around and LOOK down upon us and have an incredible party too?  
And Lord - what happened  when 3 baptisms turned into 7 or 8?  .....
Touching.  YOU ROCK God.  YOU win.  I am honored and humbled  -- YOUR love never fails...and it never ceases to amaze me!  God, YOU amaze me.  All I wanted was my husband to love you again like he did as a young adult ...all I wanted was to be in ministry with him....and to know that YOU were looking about me and saying, "atta girl"....I am humbled, loved, forgiven, redeemed...speechless -- full of tears of joy ....but still ...WANTING to just praise YOU.  YOU truly love me 'that much'....and the glory of it all -- YOU love him that much - YOU love Frank...Doc...Brandon...Greg....Kelly....Rudy...and the REST...THAT much and YOU love Phillip...and Eli.... Alex...and the others...that I continue to hold before you - THAT much too --  it is amazing.  Oh wait -- that is cause YOU are God!!!  The Alpha and the Omega....thank you! 

- your daughter, Michelle 

"I don't have to be in church to be WITH God"

²⁵ And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

This verse is from Hebrews, Chapter 10.  

This verse has been SO on my mind for over a month now.  I keep coming back to it over and over.   And tonight I can't sleep, I guess it is time to blog and share my heart.  

I have asked God to forgive me over this verse;  one,  for my own personal stuff and two, because I have used that verse to judge others.  

I am so sorry.   You, yes, you reading this,  may be the one reading this that I need to ask forgiveness from.....

I looked at it this evening in several different versions.  The one above is the NLT or New Living Translation.  

Hebrews 10:25

New International Version (NIV)

²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

There is the same verse in the NIV version.  

The one verse says, let us NOT give up on meeting together...and the other is let us not neglect our meeting together.  

So,  there is to be a time when we meet together.   A specific time. 

Can a soccer player play his game without the teammates?  
Can a volleyball team play with only one?  

No...the TEAM has to show up - they collectively win...work together and fight through to win.  

Like I said, I have been thinking on this verse and speaking to God about it for almost a month now - I believe tonight is the time to share! 

It started like this...  Lord, why don't they come?  Lord, why can't they respond when I ask and see how COOL church is and how we just want them to get the healing we have received.  Lord, why is it always, "he is more closer to God now than ever and he does not need church".  And Lord, why don't they see it...like I see it ....they are a train wreck waiting to happen.....

Then, I would ponder and think and reflect more and another Sunday would go beyond and I would see posts on Facebook or Twitter and the thoughts would come.....Lord, they have time for that.....lord, they have time for that....and yet...I am getting mad here God -- I want them to WANT you...I want them to see....they NEED you!  I mean, Lord ...here is where they will GET their encouragement...not there!   

And the judging began....


Lord forgive me!  

My  husband is now one of my BETTER  friends and praise God I can talk to him now about anything and I did speak to him about  this scripture and my thoughts and feelings have been discussed and discussed.

 He is very wise and reminds me - God has it!  What must I do? - ----pray!   Pray that those I know  who need to assemble  themselves  will be convicted and realize, they need HIM.  Period.

I mean, I asked God to forgive me, forgive us.  Not 'assembling' ourselves was a piece in the puzzle of how our marriage and our family fell apart.  WE allowed everything else to get in the way.  We isolated ourselves because we had soccer or volleyball and excused ourselves when we were not at a sporting event because that was the ONLY FAMILY Night we could have together!!!

That is the enemy.  He was able to get in.  It is scary to think about when the 'guilt' of not being in God's house changed to "well, can't make it this Sunday"...."oh well".   We would forget and the guilt disappeared!   And so easily the conviction was gone.  Gone.

And the Enemy whispers and continues to deceive and lie.  Then SIN transpires and now there is WAY too much guilt to even think about heading back to the 'assembly'.  There is no way I can GO to church NOW.... And in my case, My husband did not want to go to church anymore and I HATED sitting by myself and people asking where he was and so I could go to another church but....'they were just  too  FREAKY there'...etc. etc.  etc.  Excuses.

Excuses.

So, like I said, I had to ask forgiveness of My Lord, as it says in HIS word, DO NOT neglect...DO NOT forsake ...so I  disobeyed.

THAT is what I really WANT to WARN my pals about....my family about....my new friends and circle of influence  about........please, being disciplined by God is NOT fun.
Now mind you, I don't believe we were punished, it was our choice - God allowed.  HE knew, but the Enemy is so cunning and such a liar -- don't think for one moment....in all that time, that  I   understood  we were being lied too----- we just thought we were busy! But then again, I did understand it, I would get it while driving and the Holy Spirit would try again to remind me of WHAT was missing.


And then second, I have had to seek and ask forgiveness from God because I have used that scripture to judge others.    I would catch myself if a tragedy  or even something minor discomfort occurred within a family and I could hear myself think, "well, that will make them sit up and take notice that they need to be in church".

Have you thought that?

The bottom line is - IT is a HEART issue.  When you are in love with someone, or falling in love...YOU want to BE with them.  You call...you speak to them...you stick around, and you have a relationship....

When you are not in love...you don't.


When you are really in LOVE with Jesus, YOU want to be with others that feel and worship the same way.  YOU  figure it out. You want to be near HIM.

For SO long -------  40+ years - I did not know what it meant to be in LOVE with my Lord...I do now.

It took a 'death' in our lives, a death in my heart,  to get me to wake up and see ...that something was NOT right - but it was NOT right with my LOVE for HIM.

 When my heart changed....I wanted to be in in God's house and with others...giving  that ENCOURAGEMENT and receiving it.  As I realize ...the DAy is coming when Jesus will come to us out of those clouds  and then everyone will see and realize, that Jesus is Lord -- but will HE know you?


There..............I feel like it has been said, I needed to say it.  I needed to confess, and now the Holy Spirit will convict those...them.  HE is a gentlemen - He won't continue to bug you -- if you have squelched Him, you will probably read this and just say - 'whatever'.

 And if there is an open heart and mind -- maybe He is calling you HOME...HE wants to be closer to you or close with you again....

The TEAM needs you ...I need you.  The Body of Christ needs YOU.  YOU need HIM - don't forsake the assembling of yourself -- FIND a house that loves God and teaches the Word.  Find a place where GOD is moving and join in....don't miss out.....

My feelings get hurt when I invite people over for a party and they say they are coming and don't show....

My feelings get hurt when I hear about a party and I know I was not invited...

Simple little illustrations.

I have invited.  If you have never been invited - I am inviting you NOW!

Real stuff -- God has invited you, can you imagine ?  HE sent HIS only Son -- sometimes I think...Do they realize that they are telling God..."they are too good to meet HIM in HIs house?"

But that gets close to judging again -- God forgive me.

Lord, I pray that those that are most dear to me...would, read this, and WANT MORE of you.

Lord, I pray that any others that I am not aware of ....would read this and open their hearts and rejoice cause they HAVE You or SEEK You cause they need you.

Lord, I pray I get MORE of You.
Lord, I thank you so much - for restoring me....them....us....and God, bless my church family and body of believers - may we hear, "atta boy ...atta girl" when You return!

Amen.