decisions - 101

Lots of decisions were made in this past week, and many were made for me.

My husband broke his nose,  another's ( it was an accident ) elbow sent him on a  a trip to the ER and it was  confirmed -- broken in 4 pieces/places.  The next day brought more confirmation and scheduled surgery --Thursday.  Plans got interrupted as were were to head to Louisiana with HP and watch some Regional Soccer U19 competition.

That decision was made for us!

I was 'frustrated' at God for a moment  - and when I say that --I say that so carefully, cause it was NOT God that caused the broken nose...nor was it Satan...it was just life and it was an accident.  I do believe God knew it would happen and HE chose to let it happen...cause I know HE works everything for His good- our good and for HIS purposes.  So...for some reason - God wanted the two of us - alone for a week, just resting and allowing the nose to heal and me -- having the opportunity to pamper the patient.   Surgery went well and the nurses continue to wonder how he is not on major pain medication.  ( cause we PRAYED! )  Currently, my husband is ok - nose is sore, but no major pain, it is just AWKWARD with a brace on and two 6 inch  splints stuck up the  nasal cavities and sneezing makes my heart stop each time!    And the Nedi 'showers' help keep everything moist but his nose is constantly dripping.  Again, decisions - to see the 'good' in all of this!

More decisions.... the a/c broke - who do I  call?   Situations at our insurance office...prayerfully thinking ....  The women that seek me for prayer ....God ...only YOU can answer....  The women I seek for prayer -- show me quickly Lord what I need to do, help me to do what YOU ask...  And, I have this incredible God thing that is coming ...and I have some decisions to make -- I am not making them...I am prayerfully seeking God's lead!  

My calendar and the Holy Spirit reminded me of a fateful decision that was made -- exactly 3 years ago today -- June 21, 2011.....and how, in that moment -within that day - GOD was there and HE...I know HE made the decisions.

Let me give you backstory:

Often, I will get a person asking me to pray for them because  "I am so strong"...and I want to scream..it is not me..it is GOD THAT is strong.  However, they see  something in me ....was it because they knew how my marriage was broken and in their minds it could never be fixed and now it is? ....is it because there is something that shines out of my mouth..?  I pray to God -- it is LIGHT...HIS LIGHT...but seriously, sometimes I stop and think - it was not that hard of a decision to forgive and believe that a marriage could be saved.  Let me explain...

Joyce Meyer's poster says it all.... I was at a time and place in my life where 'doing the same thing'..was NOT working.  And I had to SEEK God...totally.  Believe me...I really did think I had it all figured out - but I had no clue.   And God had been preparing me - I had been SEEKING God because there was just stuff within my life that was not working and I was in a sad and sorry spot -- so I had begun to get counsel.  Then....  the earthquake hits.

Getting back to 3 years ago -- I knew.  I knew that when I was given some very hurtful and damaging news, I knew I was to forgive --- cause God had spoken to my heart and head prior to receiving the news ...that I 'was to show grace and mercy'...and God had given  me  this supernatural love for another human that had hurt me terribly...but -- I knew I was to hang in there.   So, what may appear to others as being 'strong'....is really just obedience.  I knew that I knew - I was NOT going to face Jesus one day and have Him ask me, "why didn't you do what I asked?".


Now it was not easy -- and after a good 9 months, I came to the point where I knew that I knew  that no matter what -- what the outcome of my personal crisis would be---would I  get divorced?   Would I stay in 'limbo'?  Or would this marriage be saved?----but as I said, I knew God was in control.

And I submitted to HIS authority and I was seeking and serving Him.   What did it look like?  It  looked like....going to church, being committed to a cell or small group...and it meant that I was walking as if Jesus was right next to me.  Every moment, I  would call unto Him. And sometimes those calls to Him -- were desperate fits of RAGE but then praise and honor and seeking HIS face.   And it meant MANY nights alone, with my bible on my chest - crying myself to sleep - hoping that tomorrow would be the day where God walked into our lives and just fixed it all.  And there were many just 'blah' days...where all I could do was put on praise and worship music, and pray out loud to myself and Jesus ...for a miracle.  As I did that, and as the enemy would attack....I continued to speak the words that God had promised to me...."I will heal the broken-hearted".   And finally, there were the days when I just wanted to give up and God would provide and send one of HIS angels ...in the flesh via a phone call or text or someone would message me on Facebook and I would be in tears -- knowing that God was speaking to me directly - comforting through His people.   Then you just have to believe...and live for another 5 minutes.  Soon, 5 minutes becomes 30 and then 30 becomes an hour...and all of a sudden you have made it through the day.   Amen.

So back to that 'being strong' comment....I was only as strong as HIS Word would lift me up that day.

Decisions.

More backstory but you should understand the title of my blog today.....

Now I stated  3 years ago another decision was made.  3 years ago today -- my  husband had a revelation of sorts and he had to make a decision. A situation presented itself that had to be dealt with -- it was a pivotal day.  A day now, I see where all of heaven was probably in battle...there was definitely a spiritual warfare going on -- as I see now 3 years later and all the GOOD that has come from this decision -- no wonder Satan did his merry best to prevent us from healing!  ...Just saying...

Today, 3 years later, I stop and think...how HARD it must of been for him.  I mean, he made a decision to believe that 'one day...he could  look in my eyes and know that I was God's intended for him'.   Gulp.  Even as I type that - it is hard to read.  But THAT is the reality.

A marriage that is broken - our marriage - was  suffering because of one person's actions....but what we were  dealing with was  a symptom --- there was OTHER stuff wrong somewhere ...with  BOTH partners.   Mee too.   I mean...when a person is hurting - they hurt others.  When the enemy is lying to a person and in turn that person listens and then acts upon it....the couple will suffer -- but for the couple to REUNITE...to RENEW...to REFIX...there has to be a fixing on BOTH parts.   There has to be some changes on BOTH parts...and doing the same thing - just does not work.

And that is how he felt at that point...from his perspective at that moment -- nothing had changed...nothing would change...and the enemy had him believing that he never really loved me from Day#1.  So, for him to make a decision -- to actually pray and  allow godly counsel to remind him of WHAT God's word says...was really a big deal.

 And I believe -- it took more faith at THAT moment for him to believe that -- than it did for me to believe that one day -- we would be celebrating our healed marriage.  I do.  I just do.  As I saw what 'he felt' ...and I could see how 'he was thinking'...and I knew that I knew -- he did was not trusting God.  But, at that moment, that night -- he took a leap of faith and prayed one more time...and said, "God, if this is going to work - it has to be ALL YOU".

I know that THOUSANDS of heavenly angels were all around that room and whispering to him...'believe'...and I know that God's divine hand was upon that kitchen table as my husband and his godly counsel chatted...and I know that it was God that SOLD our home within 5 weeks - and we moved within the next 3 months...to begin a new chapter in our lives.

 I know it.

 And God moved - quickly -- to show a man with little faith at that time - that HE was in control.

And I know that on that DAY -- the HOLY Spirit intervened in me as well.  As I took a phone call from a panic'd  and confused  husband  right before he went to seek godly counsel....as he asked me what I was going "to do"?    And it was the Holy Spirit that spoke the next reply out of my mouth - as I had been in prayer and fasting that day -- the Holy Spirit had been preparing me  that revelation was being revealed on that day.

 So when he asked me what I was going to do? -- I know what I said  but it  was the Holy Spirit speaking through me -- as it was not rehearsed, and it the words were that  I was 'done' if he did not choose our family.   There it was said.  13 months of 'hell' had been summed up finally and I knew, as I said it was not rehearsed, but it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me with courage.... And I had such peace.  Such peace.   Did I really say that?  I remember hanging up the phone after our conversation and speaking to God, "Lord, that had to be YOU, what did I just say?  I have been thinking about so many responses Lord for MONTHS...and now, today ..this is what comes out?    So Lord,  I will trust that was YOU speaking, as I don't believe I would of had the courage to say - it is  done if he is not going to pick us - I know you will provide  ...so Lord, now I will trust YOU in this.  Amen. " And that peace....did not leave me that day, that night....that weekend.


OK - SO WHY am I sharing all of this today?

One... I love celebrating 360's...and today - my husband and I are healed...our marriage is a strong one cause we work at it and we BOTH seek God first.  There was a miracle that occurred within our hearts and our lives - we acknowledge that and we marvel at that as other couples around us struggle.   And today...3 years ago was a pivotal day -- a day where one decision changed the course of a marriage and a family.

A day where I know, I relied upon the Holy Spirit within me to TAKE over...and a day where I know that a man -- made ONE last attempt to trust God - a decision that was pivotal!

People make decisions every day -- I wonder how many decisions we make on our own -- without HIS counsel...or how many decisions we should  go back and  turn around...cause we did not SEEK God first.

I wonder how many decisions we regret...

And I believe that someone -- reading this today -- needed to hear something within my words, they needed encouragement and they also needed perspective ....

SEEK HIM...believe in HIS Word and what HE has promised...

And I believe that several marriages ...several people are making decisions based on feelings...instead of DOING something different -- and SEEKING HIM for restoration, counsel, and fixing.

And I believe that if they  will...seek HIM..and take that leap of faith and TRY - just one more time...the REWARDS on THIS side...are heavenly!  And we both know - what God can do and we want others to experience WHAT God does!

Someone needs the reminder -- there is NOTHING that HE can't heal...fix...or restore...with HIS divine help and ...often professional counsel.

Both my husband and I  will say it often...I would never try to fix a cavity by going to my Pastor.  I mean, I will pray for healing...and I will seek prayer...but, many times, God does not fix the cavity we get from our own indulgence with chocolate...so then we must go to the dentist.  Seek some professional help.

There are consequences because of our actions - and seeking a Christian professional therapist -- is indeed  -- a good thing...and it works.  Having a 3rd party to look you both in the face -- to remind you of the definition of insanity....is eye opening and freeing...and liberating.  There is no shame. Don't let the enemy convince you that nothing will change!

And I will add this in...most health plans cover 4-8 sessions with a therapist - do the work, make a phone call...be willing to SEEK help and believe that God can do for YOU -- what HE did in our marriage and our lives.

God wins.

Always.

But when we are obedient...we WIN too!
amen.
- humbled and believing for MANY marriages that my husband and I prayed for today -- as we  rested!

God wins. I won.

When Brendan and I took Taylor to UF four years ago, we went to the Parent Orientation.  We had to stay overnight.  The two nights before that, we had 'agreed' that he was going to leave.  He told the kids he no longer loved me.  That was June of 2009.  He left that next day, there were many tears and just TOTAL frustration on my part.  I was SO angry.  However, it was what it was.  I did not know what had been going on.  I only knew one thing - we were both so miserable.  He came back that next day and 'decided' that we should just forget the past and move forward.  We set down a few rules.  By this point - I was seeing a counselor.  He wouldn't -- but I was knee deep in seeking God by this point.  It was hell.  But...we smiled and took her to UF that day - June 20, 2009.  We were planning on getting two rooms to spend the night, but decided to stay in one - just double beds.  I walked around that campus so anxious for my girl and so hurt and miserable.  BUT.....

Much happened in the REST of 2009 and 2010..and 2011...and so forth - but...

I say all that -- cause ...GOD won.   I don't say all that to make you think that I go over and over the hurt - I don't -- but TODAY was one of those 360 moments - when God has allowed me to see a part of the full circle.   Today was her 'last' day of college.

Today, as Taylor walked across the stage, my husband and I were holding hands, laughing and OH so proud -- knowing that God wins.  It has been hard but WORTH it.   Knowing that God is  a God of 2nd chances and that GOD can bring back ANYTHING from the dead ...even a dead 'love'.  My husband and I are new people in HIM - but still very much the same in some respects.

 I am SO excited for Taylor - SO proud of God.  Thankful....

I am not posting this link  on Facebook.  It is rather personal and I don't mean to bring up the 'yuck'.  But one of the tools I used when we were in the battle - was I FOUND story after story of redemption......and story after story on line about how GOD heals and how God won out...and how this person changed...and it brought me HOPE.

So,   if you are reading it -- please note -- GOD still does miracles!  Amen!

I am so excited -- we did good -- GOD did it...she was raised in a home with a LOT Of prayer ... and there was discipline, bribery, candy, Vera Bradley, and spankings...but there was love.  And prayer...

Congrats to YOU Lord -- YOUR mercy and grace did it all...

...the POWER that sustains ...

  I want to share  something that is VERY hard to explain.....

Here is some scripture :

2 Timothy 3: 16-17 says All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. 

1 Corinthians 12.1 says  'now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I do not want you to be ignorant' 

1 Corinthians 1. 6-7 says 'you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed' 

Luke 3.16 says 'John answered the, all, " I baptize you with water, but one who is more powerful than I will come, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to unite.  He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.'

John 1. 32- 34 says 'Then John gave his testimony: " I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him. And I myself did not know him, but the one who sent me to baptize with water told me, 'the man on whom you see the Spirit come down and remain is the one who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.' I have seen and I testify that this is God's Chosen One." 

I am speaking about the POWER   -- the power that sustained me.
I believe that POWER was the difference.

I thank God for the ministering and mentoring possibilities HE brings to me.  I know I am an encourager and I SOUGHT out much encouragement when I was in the middle of a crisis of belief and heartache  within my immediate  family.  When I stop and speak, or write, I reflect and the enemy loves to remind me HOW long we were in that pain or how I  was ...or we were in turmoil  but so OUT Of fellowship with our Lord.    ( the enemy does that - he is a LIAR )

So I battle, and take those thoughts captive and believe HIS word and HIS promises.

But I will stop and ask myself -- "how did I do it Lord?"
 And I quickly remind myself or whomever I spoke to -- " I didn't -- HE did it through me...I did it through HIM "

And one of the main reasons I did overcome was because I had some EXTRA power.

 I had a power tool within my reach -- that power was a blessing and it DID sustain me.

This is a literal illustration but if I had to cut a forest of trees down, and I had a saw, I could do the job.  But if I had a POWER tool - an ELECTRIC saw - just think of HOW much faster I would get the job done.   

Sometimes we are SO full of hurt or SO full of  discouragement   that we just don't want to open our bibles nor even pray or think -- THAT is when I could stop, pray in my prayer language,  and know that know -- I WAS speaking DIRECTLY to the Father and the enemy had NO clue.  Amen.


I am referring to my prayer language -- I am referring to speaking in tongues.

I believe this is something that is lacking ....the Power of the Holy Spirit is needed.
God is raising a generation of women -- we are like the lioness' arising.  We are SO powerful and our swords are our words ...HIS words...OUR sword is the word of God.

We need to know it - live it, breathe it in and speak it out.

God's word shows me that HIS gift of the baptism of the Holy Spirit ...is HIS gift to me.
We ALL receive the Holy Spirit upon conversion or salvation  -- that is not what I am speaking of.
Being baptized in the Holy Spirit is separate and distinct  -- different from receiving the Holy Spirit at salvation.


Personally, I was raised Catholic and my priest told me that speaking in tongues was a way to help explain what transpired after the death of Christ.  He told me it does not happen today and that if it did - it would be for the priests.

I had asked, I inquired.   I was 17.

I went to church with my boyfriend - Brendan.  I heard some people pray out loud and it sounded weird.  It scared me.  Therefore I had already set my heart against it.

 I will remember one Sunday School lesson where it was discussed and praise God the teacher stated, "you don't have to be baptized in the Holy Spirit to go to heaven".  Relief -- I was 20.

In the mean time, I heard some people pray it more privately.  I asked questions of Brendan and his Grandparents and had it 'figured out'.

From age 21-35 various people at church would preach about it.  I ignored it - it still felt 'freaky'. I got too busy -- it was not needed in my opinion.

Brendan and I never discussed it.

 By the age of 37 - I became MORE aware of many things.  We were pretty involved in a wonderful church where the baptism of the holy spirit was not welcome.  In fact, it became a topic that had to be defended.   Brendan began to talk about it - conversations started.  He wanted it so I wanted it,  but in my own head - I was still afraid of it.   My uncle was diagnosed with cancer and all of a sudden  prayer became a focal point.

Skip to age 39 - this  was a time in my life when God was beginning to change me.

The enemy so deceived my husband, in hindsight I see a man that tried within his 'humanness' to seek God but the enemy won out each time, thus, deception and lies are believed.

In many lonely walks and countless  talks with God, I was 'given' a phrase a sentence.  It did not make sense.  I never spoke of it to my husband -- the enemy has such a wall between us then.  I did not tell anyone but repeating it over and over brought comfort.  I paid closer attention now to preachers on TV  and I read lots of books or articles on the subject.  And I asked God, "did I have my prayer language?".  But I had no idea if I did -- looking back, yes I did, God had baptized me in that prayer language but I was too weak ...too scared.... and to much of a baby in Christ to understand it and I did  not have anyone around me to disciple me. Oh God had put people there - but I couldn't see them.  I was blind.

Even though at that time -- I was attending church... But let me say it again  -- I  had many around me that could of helped me understand but the enemy had me so closed off and ALONE and isolated - even though I was a youth leader, I lead a bible study or two and I prayed often.

That was my idol of pride .....at that time I had things so figured out - I was so blind!
I also had a spirit of religion where I felt I knew what I was suppose to do and I did it.

Sometime in there,  I witnessed my daughter research it, seek it and get her prayer language and she was so excited ...so full of HIM she came home to share and within her speaking about it, our son read the material and was baptized in it instantly.  I had both kids speaking in their prayer language and I had to admit -- IT WAS real  ....and I went to the bedroom where my depressed husband was and I shared with him and he could not even look at me.

Now I understand why - he was so hard to anything of God and that was such conviction.  I had no idea of the sin my husband  was in ....I just thought he was in a major depression and mid-life crisis.  But how sweet of God, giving that gift  to my children as God  knew that within a few short years ...my children would NEED that as the hurricane had not HIT us yet.  I was 42.

It is hard to capture 10 years worth of feelings  in a blog that I try to keep brief -- but, I needed to say all that so that you  can understand the fear I had and the resistance I had to being baptized in the Holy Spirit.

...Until I was 44.  I believe THAT is when I truly OPENED the eyes HE gave me.  I had too - I was desperate.  I sought out a friend, a Pastor, as I sought prayer with he and his wife--God opened my eyes and I realized I had unforgiveness towards so many -- but who could blame me, I had been betrayed!

 He asked me if I had a prayer language and  I explained, and then he asked if he could pray for me in that prayer language and I said OF course! As he prayed, like I said, God opened my spiritual eyes and in my head,  and showed me that I had this mistrust and unforgiveness and that I needed to forgive him-- my friend who is NOW my Pastor ---- and so ---I forgave him and as those words came out of my mouth....my prayer language spit out in front of me.  I say spit out in front of me but it burst out - and it was real and I knew it and I freaked out cause I knew I did not put those words into my mouth.

Pastor immediately told me to continue to speak it out. AS I know now, that is so important when one receives their prayer language because the enemy hates it and quickly whispers - THAT is not real.  But I knew it was real and I just had to jump up and praise God.  From that point on -- I knew I could  rely on praying in my prayer language -- cause after that, there were many many many countless and sleepless nights where I just had NO more words but I wanted to speak to God and pray for the people in my life ....my family...I wanted restoration and I wanted redemption and I wanted my family - to be quite honest - I wanted my husband saved. Period.

THAT is the POWER that sustained me.
THAT is the power I rely on now to continue to fight the enemy.
THAT is the difference -- I believe in some of us getting our healing faster than others......
THAT is what I believe makes the difference.

Peter denied Jesus 3x while they were persecuting our Lord, and yet, after repenting and receiving the Baptism of the Holy Spirit on the day of Pentecost, he had power and boldness to preach to the multitudes and over 3000 were born again.


Skip back to me at age 44. After that night of prayer in my Pastor and his wife's living room - God began to open my eyes like never before and thus began a process that took time, patience, and lots of love and therapy  so that by age 45....I REALLY could forgive the one person I felt was the blame and I realized that I had to FORGIVE God too...but that is another blog.

I have always wanted to minister to people.   I feel. I want to be used by God.   I wanted to be the next Beth Moore once I heard her and realized WHAT she accomplishes through Christ.  But,  God did not make me Beth Moore...he made me Michelle.

 And yes,  I have been through a few trials and most recently my family,  has walked through the fire and we came out on the other side -- better, stronger, and finally FREE of so much bondage and strongholds.  Free of condemnation and shame, free of the lies that the enemy had convinced us all.   God allowed the hurt and betrayal of infidelity to pierce our family and so now -- many people believe I am some really GREAT prayer warrior or person that 'gets things done'.  One person even said I was remarkable ....I am not remarkable - I am HIS and if my words, or my actions help another to understand and realize that we all will face JESUS one day and give an account -- than praise God, I want to be used, I want the LOST saved.   One women even told me she needed me to pray for her grandson cause God hears me.....

God will hear her JUST a mightily but the enemy has her convinced her words are not good enough.  The enemy is a LIAR.

I am nothing without God.  I am nothing without Christ - HE is the one that healed.  HE is the one that restored -- I only grabbed onto the fringe of HIS garment and HUNG on for dear life.
I did hang on tight.
I did not give up.
I wanted to.  I asked God many many many nights to please release me -- to please let me just be DONE...but HE never did that.
 HE gave us His son -- so we can endure.

I am not perfect -- just to be real, I also prayed at that same  time that God would hold me still as I wanted to slash some tires and do MAJOR damage to body parts -- I did  -- I guess I am adding that cause I want to be real and transparent - walking through a fire is HARD..but the joy and rewards of seeing the beauty out of the ashes is such a  GOD blessing!   I am humbled.

 I sought HIS word and the sword and when I just COULD not pray anymore...I spoke my prayers directly to GOD by using my prayer language. It was the power I needed.

It was no longer freaky.
It was real.

I am 47 today ....

This boldness is only from HIM.  My life verse it to let HIS light shine in me - like Beth Moore says, "there is NO high like a Jesus high"...to see another be SET free...to believe in miracles and to be a part of a church body/family that believes  GOD Can do anything is encouragement and life to me...life to my daughter..and life to my husband.

BTW -- if you speak to him and get talking about God  -- he will tell you of THAT power too - and there is nothing more rewarding  than praying with your husband and hearing him claim life over you...bless you..and pray for you.   Hearing him ask me to pray for him, to keep another  in my prayers,  Etc. ETc.  THAT is what God intended.  THAT is why He allowed  our  crisis of faith.

...So, I could write today and even if ONLY one person reads this and gets the urge to inquire about the Holy Spirit and want to have that -- prayer language...I am blessed and humbled.

 You can have that power too - HE promised it.

The baptism is a gift  received by faith.
We receive it by asking.
Have you already spoke it out -- that you would never get it??
Have you experienced it before so you are already freaked out?

 You can change that.

Start reading the book of Acts and Corinthians chapters 12-14 and Jesus will be more real to you and if you have READ to the bottom of this post -- I believe YOU want that power too.

Humbled.
- Michelle

If you read this and endured to the end  -- I believe God is giving you a reminder -- HE wins!

This is my Pastor and his wife -- I appreciate their truth and powerful prayers and their intercession - it made a difference along with the MANY others that prayed for me, my husband and our family in our hurricane - it was MANY who prayed!  thank you !

..a post written to Trace and Ethan..a prophetic word from HIM

 the following is a post i put on trace's carebridge site this am...i was reluctant to share it here as well - but - someone else needs to know the power that god has for them...

1 corinthians 2

New International Version (NIV)

2 And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.[a] 2 For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3 I came to you in weaknesswith great fear and trembling. 4 My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, 5 so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

god’s wisdom revealed by the spirit

6 We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. 7 No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hiddenand that God destined for our glory before time began. 8 None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. 9 However, as it is written:

“What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”[b]—
    the things God has prepared for those who love him—

10 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11 For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.12 What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us.13 This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.[c] 14 The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.15 The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, 

Now -- here is my letter/post to Trace and her husband - 

Good morning Trace and Ethan.....I posted scripture from 1 Corinthians and I wanted to expand on this -- 

“Who has known the mind of "......

As you know - and as I have been blasting this newsfeed - YOU are being prayed for by many!  One thing I have learned is that many believers are not  as BOLD as I am-- and for each person writing you and stating they are praying - there are probably 10 or more that are  praying as well ...they  just don't have the freedom and are as comfortable in their prayer conversations with God and well -- THEY pray....too -- so THAT really encourages me and I hope that encourages you.... but that is not the reason I am posting this am.  

In my cell group last night, we were reminded of our gifts - gifts that all believers have/can have access too...and we can live in those gifts and USE those gifts.  I believe you understand what I am speaking about.   I know I have a few gifts and a few  that I am pretty strong in - but that again- is for another post....

Anyway, we learned, we prayed and then we sought out a word from God.  There were six of us - six godly women that LOVE HIM and have been praying with me for YOU...yes you!

So, let me share with you how God blessed me with a word for me...but it is a WORD  for YOU...

1.  I do believe in your healing and have had this UNCTION to continue to proclaim it and believe it.   That is a sprit of FAITH...loyalty when you believe in something that seems impossible - but God continues to give me confirmations that I am NOT wrong to proclaim you healing!

2.  As the ladies prayed over me - all I could focus on was the Lord's prayer...HIS will be done.  Over and over. 

( unsure if that means anything specific to you -- maybe it does -- but I get great comfort in reciting HIS words!)  

As I was anxious....anxious in my spirit.  

I have proclaimed and claimed your healing but the Enemy continues to try and make me feel like ..."nah....her cancer is too far" ....but I rebuke that thought - as you know my husband was spiritually dead and God raised him from the dead.  

People will look at this and read and go -- 'really???'...but this home ( Earth )  is not eternal and a spiritual death - separation from God is FAR more serious than a physical death -- praise God that you understand this Trace...wow!  

So, if HE can restore my man-- HE can do whatever HE wants ..and HE will do whatever HE wants and I know we are in agreement - we have asked for healing.  

Before your recent crisis...you and I spoke ( via email ) pretty extensively about healing and believing!!   

So..Ok.  After prayer then the ladies gathered around me and this transpired...

3.  The first lady - Jimi said, all she could feel was a feeling of anxiousness - that  was confirmation for me ...I was.  She did not know I was.    And then I shared about the 'what'...to which the next lady said..

4.  Well as I prayed for Michelle - all I could hear and see in my mind, that God kept telling me,  Trace would be healed...and she smiled and felt confident and I took it as confirmation...wow!  Cool.  She is a new lady to our group but a believer and she is a mature lady that has great faith!   I could tell in her eyes ...that was GOD reaffirming my UCTION!  

To which another lady said ..YES...I kept hearing her children will be fine...her children will be fine...her children will be fine.  And at that point - that lady did not know I had such a burden for your kids, or even if she did...I  have felt the only MOM that could take care of them is YOU....YOU were needed period -- YOU could not go to heaven early ..no way...and with tears in her eyes, she kept saying, I know God said her children will be fine.  

I just loved on God right there -- as she did not know the extension to which this  burden consumed my thoughts and expressions....... I had for your kids...so - that gave me great comfort and I then shared...yes - I know Trace is going to be in heaven - no matter what but I have been so burdened and  worried about her kids....

5.  That just warmed my heart right there!  So then, my Pastor's wife said, she saw a vision but did not know what it meant -- yet -- maybe one of the other ladies had the meaning...

She saw a huge beautiful tree - full of leaves and full of branches - it was a full tree and then it divided itself and became 2 trees, and then those tree's divided and then more and so forth until there was this beautiful forest - huge big full forest but  there was this mist around it.  

She asked me if that meant anything thing and I said -- "well, one person did prophesy over me once about a tree but I would have to go back over my bible /notes and read exactly what they said"
 ...but then the last lady in the group spoke up .."I know what it means" 
6....That tree is Trace -- she is deeply rooted and she has  this legacy and ....whether God heals her here or in heaven...her legacy will go on - and it will touch the greater population ...your children will touch others and they are those trees which share and tell about God...and those trees flourish ...and so forth and so forth .....

Right then I just got all emotional and loved God even more for sharing that with me....and then it was like instant ...peace...

And Michelle - there is a mist right now...it is not clear....that is why the mist is there - so continue to proclaim healing...continue to share your faith - as YOU too Michelle are making trees and they are flourishing.  

I was so humbled.  And - 
That spirit of being anxious was gone....peace.  

I do believe God can and I am still going to claim that HE is going to heal you - period.  But then we all prayed and I believe I really really really BELIEVED...that direct word from HIM...was for me and for you -- YOUR legacy is flourishing.....You have planted and your children will flourish....

And that is why I am posting....and taking up this newsfeed!  
I love you Trace -- as I type this now -- I am praying -- God -- this is of YOU...may it bless her - amen.  

Michelle Pritchard

"I don't have to be in church to be WITH God"

²⁵ And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

This verse is from Hebrews, Chapter 10.  

This verse has been SO on my mind for over a month now.  I keep coming back to it over and over.   And tonight I can't sleep, I guess it is time to blog and share my heart.  

I have asked God to forgive me over this verse;  one,  for my own personal stuff and two, because I have used that verse to judge others.  

I am so sorry.   You, yes, you reading this,  may be the one reading this that I need to ask forgiveness from.....

I looked at it this evening in several different versions.  The one above is the NLT or New Living Translation.  

Hebrews 10:25

New International Version (NIV)

²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

There is the same verse in the NIV version.  

The one verse says, let us NOT give up on meeting together...and the other is let us not neglect our meeting together.  

So,  there is to be a time when we meet together.   A specific time. 

Can a soccer player play his game without the teammates?  
Can a volleyball team play with only one?  

No...the TEAM has to show up - they collectively win...work together and fight through to win.  

Like I said, I have been thinking on this verse and speaking to God about it for almost a month now - I believe tonight is the time to share! 

It started like this...  Lord, why don't they come?  Lord, why can't they respond when I ask and see how COOL church is and how we just want them to get the healing we have received.  Lord, why is it always, "he is more closer to God now than ever and he does not need church".  And Lord, why don't they see it...like I see it ....they are a train wreck waiting to happen.....

Then, I would ponder and think and reflect more and another Sunday would go beyond and I would see posts on Facebook or Twitter and the thoughts would come.....Lord, they have time for that.....lord, they have time for that....and yet...I am getting mad here God -- I want them to WANT you...I want them to see....they NEED you!  I mean, Lord ...here is where they will GET their encouragement...not there!   

And the judging began....


Lord forgive me!  

My  husband is now one of my BETTER  friends and praise God I can talk to him now about anything and I did speak to him about  this scripture and my thoughts and feelings have been discussed and discussed.

 He is very wise and reminds me - God has it!  What must I do? - ----pray!   Pray that those I know  who need to assemble  themselves  will be convicted and realize, they need HIM.  Period.

I mean, I asked God to forgive me, forgive us.  Not 'assembling' ourselves was a piece in the puzzle of how our marriage and our family fell apart.  WE allowed everything else to get in the way.  We isolated ourselves because we had soccer or volleyball and excused ourselves when we were not at a sporting event because that was the ONLY FAMILY Night we could have together!!!

That is the enemy.  He was able to get in.  It is scary to think about when the 'guilt' of not being in God's house changed to "well, can't make it this Sunday"...."oh well".   We would forget and the guilt disappeared!   And so easily the conviction was gone.  Gone.

And the Enemy whispers and continues to deceive and lie.  Then SIN transpires and now there is WAY too much guilt to even think about heading back to the 'assembly'.  There is no way I can GO to church NOW.... And in my case, My husband did not want to go to church anymore and I HATED sitting by myself and people asking where he was and so I could go to another church but....'they were just  too  FREAKY there'...etc. etc.  etc.  Excuses.

Excuses.

So, like I said, I had to ask forgiveness of My Lord, as it says in HIS word, DO NOT neglect...DO NOT forsake ...so I  disobeyed.

THAT is what I really WANT to WARN my pals about....my family about....my new friends and circle of influence  about........please, being disciplined by God is NOT fun.
Now mind you, I don't believe we were punished, it was our choice - God allowed.  HE knew, but the Enemy is so cunning and such a liar -- don't think for one moment....in all that time, that  I   understood  we were being lied too----- we just thought we were busy! But then again, I did understand it, I would get it while driving and the Holy Spirit would try again to remind me of WHAT was missing.


And then second, I have had to seek and ask forgiveness from God because I have used that scripture to judge others.    I would catch myself if a tragedy  or even something minor discomfort occurred within a family and I could hear myself think, "well, that will make them sit up and take notice that they need to be in church".

Have you thought that?

The bottom line is - IT is a HEART issue.  When you are in love with someone, or falling in love...YOU want to BE with them.  You call...you speak to them...you stick around, and you have a relationship....

When you are not in love...you don't.


When you are really in LOVE with Jesus, YOU want to be with others that feel and worship the same way.  YOU  figure it out. You want to be near HIM.

For SO long -------  40+ years - I did not know what it meant to be in LOVE with my Lord...I do now.

It took a 'death' in our lives, a death in my heart,  to get me to wake up and see ...that something was NOT right - but it was NOT right with my LOVE for HIM.

 When my heart changed....I wanted to be in in God's house and with others...giving  that ENCOURAGEMENT and receiving it.  As I realize ...the DAy is coming when Jesus will come to us out of those clouds  and then everyone will see and realize, that Jesus is Lord -- but will HE know you?


There..............I feel like it has been said, I needed to say it.  I needed to confess, and now the Holy Spirit will convict those...them.  HE is a gentlemen - He won't continue to bug you -- if you have squelched Him, you will probably read this and just say - 'whatever'.

 And if there is an open heart and mind -- maybe He is calling you HOME...HE wants to be closer to you or close with you again....

The TEAM needs you ...I need you.  The Body of Christ needs YOU.  YOU need HIM - don't forsake the assembling of yourself -- FIND a house that loves God and teaches the Word.  Find a place where GOD is moving and join in....don't miss out.....

My feelings get hurt when I invite people over for a party and they say they are coming and don't show....

My feelings get hurt when I hear about a party and I know I was not invited...

Simple little illustrations.

I have invited.  If you have never been invited - I am inviting you NOW!

Real stuff -- God has invited you, can you imagine ?  HE sent HIS only Son -- sometimes I think...Do they realize that they are telling God..."they are too good to meet HIM in HIs house?"

But that gets close to judging again -- God forgive me.

Lord, I pray that those that are most dear to me...would, read this, and WANT MORE of you.

Lord, I pray that any others that I am not aware of ....would read this and open their hearts and rejoice cause they HAVE You or SEEK You cause they need you.

Lord, I pray I get MORE of You.
Lord, I thank you so much - for restoring me....them....us....and God, bless my church family and body of believers - may we hear, "atta boy ...atta girl" when You return!

Amen.

...forgiveness - what it looks like from my side....

 I was asked a question..."How does forgiveness look ?"

I pray that my actions and what I do and say in private conversations and prayers with friends  and family shows WHAT forgiveness looks like...but this question  was asked of me from another.  Another that does not see me daily... another that God brought into my life maybe for only a short season or maybe on purpose.....and maybe  this blog is even  for a total stranger that happens to come to this blog  and read, maybe she needs to read what forgiveness looks like....

 For me.... what did it LOOK LIKE with me?   I hope I can explain it.

What does forgiveness look like?

First off, I believe, as HIS word states, that we must forgive - Jesus tells us of a parable in Matthew 18 about an unmerciful servant who does not show mercy and does not forgive.  At the end, this servant is tortured and jailed = bondage.  I did not want that - who does, so indeed we understand that we must forgive.

And, in my case, I had to forgive after sin was revealed within my marriage but I think something that was very key to my journey or my walk was that I realized very quickly that MY sin was JUST as hurtful to My LORD...that my MANY years of idolatry and my 40+  years of not loving God FIRST and putting other gods before HIM---was JUST as sinful as what was revealed about my husband.

  THAT can be hard to understand.

If you can understand and get past that -- read on.

 So, I was very aware of seeking God's forgiveness of my sins.  And what did that look like?  You would of seen me  confessing my sin to HIM in private and with a prayer partner.  I was raised Catholic and not that I HAD to seek a priest or something to confess, but there is something to be said about speaking out loud -- and telling another what has transpired.  It is a good practice.  I also went  to God in my journal and wrote  down stuff that the Holy Spirit revealed to me ...stuff that was my sin.  And with a clean heart -- I knew I had to set upon the task of forgiving my husband and the woman who I "believed" set out to destroy me and my family. Now I realize...it was the enemy - not 'her'.

And by the way, I am healed and really feel no malice,  anger,  or bitterness towards my husband or even the other person...it really is forgiven - but it takes TIME!  And I will say this - this blog post is pretty real and personal, if you know and love me, I thank you for your continued prayers,  discreteness,  and your faithfulness to prayer as we healed.   But if you are here to just read something to repeat or to gossip then I would ask, please make sure I am with you when you wish to share this or discuss it!  And,  please make sure it is covered in prayer.

  Lord, that nothing I would say bring hurt or harm to anyone involved - anyone.  I do not wish to allow the Enemy ANY use of this for his purpose!

Ok, let me get back to WHAT it looked like.....

I am blessed to be a part of a  two different church families  that helped me in that  crisis of faith - they covered me in prayer.     So in reality...what you would of seen  each prayer night ( Wednesdays ) and Sundays was a woman that attended church and went forward for prayer.   I was also faithful at my cell group  and/or counseling session.  And you saw tears ..a lot of them.  If you could hear me, I would tell God each day...sometimes 5-10x a day ..Lord, I forgive them, I forgive him and I forgive her....it was simple but heartfelt.  Those were the only words I could get out at first.  Then, after time, it was not as often but still daily.... When I did not  have the strength and courage to walk forward at church or at bible study for prayer, God sent another to me to pray for me right there in my seat.  But it was consistent.

I think forgiveness is an 'act' .  We say it.  "I forgive."  But then to LIVE in that...THAT is the HARD part.

It is really hard, as I remember for the  first few  months, the 'situation' CONSUMED me and I would have to fall back to God's word and remind myself -- I CHOOSE to forgive!

There were many nights when I fell asleep with my bible on my chest - just begging God for something!

Second...I had professional help.  Therapy.  Godly therapy.  I sat with two different Pastor's wives and a Sexologist/Psychologist who is a  Christian woman as well. It was a process.  And it took time.  I even stopped therapy at one point  - I felt it was HOPELESS and I was tired of  the feeling that "I WAS the one that had to make all these changes....really?????   I was the one that needed to change?"....Like I said - it took time.

 So I QUIT therapy for a few months  and allowed God to do some extensive changing within my heart and head and in my husband's as well.

One of the first things I did with a godly mentor was to 'put' all the hurts on a sheet of paper - to make a list.  And then I symbolically put my husband in a chair and spoke OUT LOUD  all of the hurts he caused.   I listed everything.  Every tidbit of fact I had heard to every tidbit of rumor.  I listed it all.  I listed not only the revelation of the affair but all the hurts..from our high school days to our college days..to our young parenting days..everything!  I also had to forgive God in there too...It took a few hours.   Finally, I  asked  God to forgive me and listed what I felt I had 'done' to God.

When it came time to forgive the other person...I just mentioned - "I forgive her"...as God had me deal with THAT hurt much later.  You see, I believe forgiveness comes in layers.  Lots of layers.  You speak out WHAT you need to confess or forgive and then 'live'...but you daily come back to the fact - 'what else do I need to forgive?'.   Again  .....TIME is a factor.  In that time, you look for the good.  You begin a list of the good stuff and you make a point of renewing your mind with HIS word.  It was a concentrated effort, a purposeful thing I did - I choose to forgive.

The process may of taken a little less time,  if I would of seen a repentant heart in my husband.....but I didn't...until MUCH later.   I would say this - don't expect immediate changes from the one who hurt you -- it takes TIME!  They must first realize what you do.....something is wrong...and then they must realize their relationship with  Christ is key!   While that all happens..time passes!   That is when you hold onto the promises of God even when it seems like ...IT WILL NEVER change!!
Does that make sense?  I hope so.

You see, I had  forgiven...but I was still a wreck!  I was hurt.  Time and then  God sending  the Holy Spirit to comfort is the beginning of healing as God -  HE is  the Healer.

My heart had become hard  to some feelings and stuff - as I did not want to be hurt ever again.

I am blessed because I was able to seek a professional counselor that had experience and knowledge of how our brains work and how a woman thinks and so she was a BIG help as I worked through many thoughts and processes.  I 'took up that cross' daily and chose to believe that God would bring redemption.  But I had to work on ME first......

I would HIGHLY suggest that godly and professional counsel is sought when there is something that is hard to forgive.  And believe me.....anything that has broken your heart - is hurt.  Please don't LEVEL your pain or problem .......pain is pain.  My situation is not 'worse' or 'less worse' than yours or another's.   (  I blogged about that before. )  When a person is feeling unloved and there has been sin -- it is hurtful.  It does not matter...it could be unforgiveness from a childhood thing.  It could be unforgiveness towards your husband for his  ---- whatever .....the  enemy will use anything to keep you in  the stronghold of unforgiveness!

I had to really learn and LIVE in the knowledge that no matter what-- God's promises are true and that in HIS time...I would see the redemption.

Another exercise I did, was to take a brick and a helium balloon.  On a sheet of paper, I wrote the 'hurts'..even after I had PUT the infidel in a chair and confessed all the hurts....they just don't disappear. Life happens, triggers and stuff would come up and so, I had to make several lists.  I tied the hurt list to the balloon.  I made a second copy of the hurt list and tied it to the brick ( a heavy rock would do ) and held them both up over my head.  GET the picture - a brick and a balloon.  I held them high above my head  until I could no longer hold that brick in my arm and I dropped it to the ground and let the balloon fly...and then prayed....GOD, the burden is too heavy to bear - TAKE it to heaven.  GET the picture?  I can't tell you how many more times, I visioned that demonstration and did it again within my mind....many....for many months.  Many!!

But again, I had people around me that spoke life into me - telling me and praying for God's perfect will.  I choose whom I would hang with - people that only believed in marriage and healing and I believed and had faith that GOD could change a heart, move a mountain, and 'fix' my family.   But it took TIME...much time.   And with each day - I choose to forgive.

I don't like to lose and so I found every blog, every book and every source of media or resource that could help me be aware and KNOW what to do or what to say.  In all of that, I became this "expert", but had to learn the hard way -- EACH person's journey is so different.  At one point the therapist told me.."read nothing, think nothing - read only God's word and listen to your husband and pray".  NOTHING else.  I had to slow down and allow GOD the time to change my head and heart!

Little stuff would pop up, I took it to God.  Nine months after  sin had been revealed, I went to an Encounter weekend - THAT is when God dealt with me about forgiving her.  And God dealt with me -- I had to know that I would be FINE with or without a husband and marriage...that HE (God)  was FIRST in my line of devotion.    Now coming home from that and learning to LIVE in that...again - WAS HARD! Another four months passed and the decision to sell our home and move was before us. This move to a new rental place ushered in a new era of 'awkwardness' and again, I found myself making a list as our therapy had changed a bit and more was revealed ..so therefore, I was back to square one and choosing to forgive.

I sought prayer partners  again...just a few ladies that I trusted  with my feelings.  From my husband's perspective...he just saw a wife that had scripture cards in a few places as at that time , he was really ANTI-God and I had to follow the advice of our Therapist and totally give him space.  He also watched me iron his shirts, clean the house, and do 'nice' things...I kept busy.  Very busy.  Later he would send me flowers to celebrate our wedding anniversary after we both were going to give it 100% and work on our marriage and the card read, "thanks for being so nice!".   I did not allow myself to think of stuff in the future I just prayed and again, I praised God for HIS love for me, and I prayed and said over and over..I forgive him Lord.

I was and am still ....in CONSTANT communication with God.  I constantly talk and pray to HIM and share with HIM what hurts...what I want my husband or another to retract and I rely on HIM to fight my battles.  I would say - THAT was hard to learn HOW to do, but it is one of the best ways to live with another human being and not become their Holy Spirit or 'mom'.  !!!

 Back to that Encounter time -- My heart at this point was very cautious.  I even blogged..( if you go back and read entries from late 2011....early 2012....)   that my heart was  cautious.

I got to thinking about something...  If your marriage is in stress or if your heart is  so hard towards your spouse or another, forgiveness is hard but it is what God has called you to do.    It also makes you a prime target for the enemy to remind you - "it won't change....you deserve better"  So, I would dig deep and ask yourself,  do I want my marriage?   I would suggest a therapist, a professional that can listen to you, evaluate WHAT needs to be done as there are changes to be made with both partners in a relationship. If the other person, your husband or the one causing you this heartache won't go with you to counsel -- they go by yourself.  Get the help!  Most often our mental health IS covered by our health insurance!!!

  But whatever hurts there are....those are not easily forgotten.  You can choose to forgive, but the hurt remains...THAT is the hard part.  That is where TIME will have to come to allow some NEW memories and NEW feelings to overshadow the yuck.  AND God can do that - HE wants too...WHEN you give HIM the time and access to your heart.

I can say this....I still get hurt.  My husband can still say something that can bring me to my knees, but at this point to allow it to take me backwards would be sin for me, as God has,  in the past two months,  really shown me in many ways and in scripture that the PAST is the past and it is not to be remembered anymore.

So let me get back to ...what does forgiveness look like?


It resembles a worn bible being used to pray with.
It resembles a woman just walking away and telling another she does not feel well - and she goes to her prayer closet and cries...and she seeks God to FIX it right then and there.
It resembles a woman going to her Pastor and his wife and seeking their covering and prayer.
It resembles a woman praying and asking another to pray for her.
It resembles a woman fasting each week before the drive to Stuart for counseling and then she would blog here and there...as most often WHAT was said would usually put her BACK to square one.
It resembles a woman journaling...writing letters and complaints to God.
It resembles a woman focusing on her two children -- and making sure that any extra time was spent pouring into their lives.
It resembles a wife being very sweet to the man who 'hurt' her, and hearing her mother in her head saying 'kill him with kindness'...
It resembles time spent on knees, believing that one day....there would be a repentant husband that REALLY understands how much he hurt her...

But it also looks like a smile, when she finally decides that maybe just maybe, she can smile and then something happens and she sees her husband change and all of a sudden, the burden is a little less heavy.


THAT is what it looked like on the outside, but the real change and forgiveness happened on the inside over time.  It was not overnight but it would come in stages and in chunks and I would look back and think -- "oh my ..THAT does not hurt anymore".  Or, "hey..I am NOT even thinking about this anymore...".  It took time!

Today..forgiveness means laughter - we laugh a lot now.  We have taken the time to talk and communicate and pray together.  We have changed a lot of old habits but also, we have learned to show each other respect so that WHEN a trigger pops up or something is said, I can go to him and say, "hey...my perspective is this and it hurt".  Which gives him the freedom to react to WHAT I have stated...not assume what he is to do or say.

I don't believe women understand what God really means when it says we are to submit - but that can be a topic for another blog - I have spoken enough.  But the real submission was  to God....I submitted to HIM...which made it possible for HIM to work in me and then  in my husband.  Now I see a man that submits his thoughts and feelings to God first - as God is his first love. God is my first love now too. So, it is important to make sure my relationship with God and Jesus is solid and strong and then I can watch as God will change the man I prayed for ....prayed for ....for a LONG time!  

Forgiveness does set us free!

It took us some 25 years of marriage -- but I think we are finally on the RIGHT path.  It is a good path. Our therapist would also share with us about the 'dance' of marriage and getting to that dance...where we both can enjoy each other -- that is finally happening.  Praise God.  But...it is still work.  We choose to work at it!


I hope this helped my new  friend.
I hope this helped that stranger.

It helped me - it reminded me of HOW healed God really has me.....and a part of my  confirmation was this photo/chart I found today on Facebook -- Wisdom is healed pain.  THAT makes perfect sense!!

Wisdom is also from God - and doing what HIS word says.

Thank you Lord, may this help just one -- save a marriage....hold on a little longer, or may it even help one to forgive the infidel and the other....amen.

Lord, for whatever this woman may need to forgive - I pray she will....and allow You God to refill, redeem and restore whatever needs to be restored.  AMEN!

I waited patiently... June 20, 2010, 2011....2013....

It is almost 3am and I can't sleep.  You see today is June 20th, 2013.

Do you know what I was doing on June 20th 2010?....(3 years ago)  I was preparing to drive to Louisiana to watch Hunter play with his SFE Club Team  in the Regional Soccer Cup.  WE were so excited that he and his team qualified as they won the REGION III League.   However, that year my hubby and I were separated and the kids and I  had planned on heading to Louisiana by ourselves but I knew Brendan wanted to come.  He eventually asked me if I was 'ok' with him coming.  I knew it was important for Hunter to have his dad there,  and I wanted help in the driving department, even though feelings and relationships were very strained.  It was a week of soccer and family time, but it was very hard and hellish at times ....for me...now I can look back on it and put it behind me - but it was a hard week.   And the kids and I laugh now, as they admit it was 'hellish' for them as well.  Or 'awkward' is what they said!!  VEry.

However, THIS is how awesome our God is - HE is so sweet.  Brendan and I will be getting into a car in a few hours and we will be driving to the Regional Soccer Cup in Oklahoma - to watch Hunter and his Team Boca.  You see this year, his team qualified because they are the Florida State Cup champs!  And....three years later, my God is giving me a DO -over...A chance to make more memories and put them ON top of the yuck that occurred 3 years ago.

 Don't get me wrong - there were plenty of FUN memories.  For example, Hunter, Taylor and me all sharing one KING sized bed and Brendan having to sleep on the floor.  We do laugh about that now.  We ate well and we all laughed at the 'northern' kids that were not used to the sweltering HEAT in Louisiana that year, which WE were very used too! Anyway, I also laughed about going each day to the Laundromat and washing the uniforms of two other boys and reading everything under the sun before I would head back to the hotel.  I actually enjoyed that quiet time - it was just TOO awkward in our hotel room!  And we loved each day as the boys won and won until the final and then - the boys  lost and those boys that were so happy  each day - were in tears.  And truth be told,  I was glad to get out of that  blistering HEAT and head north!

From there, we left Louisiana, dropped Brendan off at the airport to fly back to Florida, and drove to Wisconsin and made more memories after that.  It was just the kids and I and we did have a good visit in Wisconsin and were loved on extra by siblings and cousins!

Anyway, tonight as I was picking up a few things, I came across my journal from that summer and read over and over letters to God and prayers I wrote to God and relived the rawness of that month and of that trip and I just praised God- as we are getting a DO -over and we are BOTH excited about it.  As I call them, God is giving me a 360 -- but HE is also giving Brendan a 360 too -- he wants new memories to put over the pain he caused.  Just him  ( Brendan ) revealing that -- saying that -- brings ME more healing.  Thank you Lord!

I also came across these two verses that I would write over and over in my journal -- "He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus"  Phil 1.6

And.... " I waiting patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry.". Psm. 40.1

Over and over again - I read HIS mercy towards me and I read my hurt all over again - but I could SEE God all over my journal and within our midsts!

And even though I did not SEE what was going on - now in hindsight, God was working on me and changing me but HE was also working on changing Brendan and the kids too ...and that verse is how I would remind myself, that my husband was a good man that got deceived and sidetracked by the enemy, as God HAD begun a good work in him...and I believed that it was God's will to restore!

And wait - June 20th gets even better -- as, on June 20th, 2011 -- was another  pivotal day -- it was  the day, two years ago  that Brendan made the commitment to me that we would really try to make our marriage work and we would sell the house and start fresh....I remember that day like it was yesterday as MUCH transpired that day.  It was the Monday after Father's Day weekend and the Monday after Lauren Burk's wedding weekend.  .....what can I say - it is etched in my brain!

As that day ( and I blogged about it...it is called...Family..this one particular day - it was posted in July of 2011 )  brought closure to a part of our lives and new beginnings to another.   But it was the day that Brendan decided that maybe, just maybe, he could begin to trust God again and step out in faith. It really was the miracle I had been praying for  - for years!

That is why the verse about waiting patiently really HIT me this eve as I read that journal.

I waited patiently ...but not really...I just existed most days, and cried lots and prayed a lot but each night, I would fall asleep expectantly that maybe TOMORROW our situation would change and I wold wake and realize it did not....so I waiting until the next day.

Now in hindsight - HOW did I wait patiently?

 ....praying, believing, seeking counsel, and then focusing on being a servant of God and doing something ELSE to take up the time...
...............and then I would start all over again.

It was HARD!
But it was WORTh it!!   Worth it!

'Cause later this morning ....

• I am going to hop in my car with my man and we are going to travel the 1352 miles to Oklahoma, and see scenery we have never seen.
• We will stop for breakfast and share pancakes at McDonald's.
• We will read, listen to some CD's from church, and re listen to a few of our favorite messages from a few good preachers.
• We will check Facebook and text message TP and HP and make sure that Hunter got to Oklahoma in style...on the plane!!
• We will call family, and Brendan will call the Ins. office at least 4x tomorrow!
• We will stop for lunch at Panara or be crazy and find a little DIVE somewhere.
• We will also find a hotel to sleep in and WATCh the Miami HEAT win...the finals!

But mostly ...I will just smile, and be reminded of HOW much God loves happy endings, and HOW HE is going to get the glory in this.  And HOW..blessed and how humbled I am.

So, don't give up...write prayers out and date them, and I know that if you stand on the promises of God - HE won't fail you and HE will give you as many 360's as you need to make NEW memories on top of the old yuck...cause THAT is how sweet our God really is - HE loves us THAT much.

Amen!
Now...can I fall asleep for the next two hours or shall I just blog on another topic?

HIS daughter...

Michelle