Please forgive me...

My sister and I  -- need more light!

This past weekend I experienced a tremendous, and life changing  meeting in St. Louis.  Not only was I with some dear friends and sisters in Christ but I was blessed to meet my own flesh and blood family there as well.   Joining others there in America's dome to praise our King - Jesus, in one accord.... I got a glimpse of heaven and its glory.  Trying to get seats in a block of seven was  difficult at times - but my sister managed to grab some good ones!

This trip was sort of a birthday get away,  planned some six-seven months ago,  it was anticipated and prayed for.  If I could of grabbed another 20 women I would of -- however, God knew exactly WHO would be there.   And God --  certainly left me -- wrecked.   Toby Mac has a song about the Holy Spirit and in the chorus it says, "I am wrecked".  I am.  I am humbled.   I knew this trip was going to be a trip that would forever change me, and yet - I had NO idea of the impact.   I want to live with that spirit or thought - that we are being changed from glory to glory! 

 God's Word says in 2 Cor 3.18:  But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.

 I went expectant -- I wanted to have a fresh word from God, I wanted to be thrilled and in awe of the worship and I certainly wanted to be entertained as well.   And...   I got some extra blessings with family, friends, and then miracles that transpired.  God is so stinking sweet.  God won!

I want to stay focused in this blog to stay on course -- as God was writing this blog a few days ago.

Please forgive me.  Will I be able to actually use words to express this?  Lord - help me. 
Will some read this and go, "she is weird"?     Lord - help me. 
Will some read this and go, "I don't get her"?  Lord - help  Holy Spirit interpret. 

Ok - let me explain.   If you have read my blog before or know me well -- I admit, I am pretty passionate.  God made me that way.    Honestly, I pray that when people see or read my stuff, they truly believe I am a Jesus freak and  that I walk the walk I talk.  And  if you have read my blogs or follow me, you have read that God has been showing me something this past summer and I even admitted that I wrestled with Him as far as doing some assignments  that He has placed in my heart.   However,  this past weekend it all came together and made sense.

More confirmation.
More blessings.
More....    God gave me more pieces of the puzzle!   I am humbled.    It made sense! 

And, I have changed.   There has been a religious righteous anger in me that had become pride.....
I use the word "had" because I see now - it was something that God was working to DEATH in me so that He could continue to grow me and use me and FILL me more with HIM! 

God is so stinking sweet that HE revealed this to me in some very personal moments but also with such mercy.   He loves me THAT much.  As, who likes discipline?   Who wants to be corrected or scolded?  But God's discipline is necessary as we grow in HIM, I am just so thankful for His mercy!

To make a long story short -- almost 2 years ago, I prayed with another sister in Christ that Beth Moore would  be.... spirit filled and receive her prayer language.   I felt it was NEEDED.   I felt it HAD to happen.   As I know what having my prayer language has meant to me -- but I did fight  against it for 30+ years.   I think sometimes we get so passionate about HOW God has moved and worked within our lives ....we just want OTHERS to have it like we do.   And we want to bypass the struggle for others but indeed God has that planned or in line for that other one as well.  It must be God and them...not God and me and them.  ( Now, did that make sense?)

  And  I want God to do it NOW....we want God to do it NOW  ....when God has the better plan and God has the timing worked out.

 In WANTING something for another so bad at times - we can manipulate stuff and grieve Holy Spirit.  I just  want spiritual freedom for all I  encounter  -- and I want them to have 'this power'.    I did feel it was needed.   I did feel it was a must. 

 Let me share this:

Many non-believers and even some believers view the Holy Spirit ( HS )  as an impersonal force or concept that represents God or his presence.  But the Bible describes the HS in personal terms, not as a mere influence or spiritual power.  HS is a divine person - fully God.  In Acts 1.4 the apostles are instructed to wait to be baptized with the Holy Spirit.

Let's get the elephant in the room exposed:   I believe there is ONE God - ONE Holy Spirit and ONE Jesus and they create the Trinity.  We are to be eternally minded and salvation is a gift, not earned as we accept Jesus into our hearts and allow Him to fill us.   Without faith it is impossible to please God , His mercy triumphs justice, and by His Grace nothing is impossible with HIM as HE works through us! 

At one point this past weekend, Joyce Meyer's held up the bible and made a simple statement, "let's just address the elephant in the room, its time we stop allowing division, we are  to be the BRIDE of Christ - there will be no divisions in heaven for the Catholics or the Baptists or the Bapticostals or whatever labels you have given yourself.   I hold fast to this Word of God and do believe in all the gifts the Lord promises us.  But I want ALL of whatever God has for me- period.  I want ALL He has for me!" 

Me and Pinocchio!

To have two of the most influential bible teachers and women  of God that have spent the past 25-35 years impacting the Kingdom of God in ONE arena..... in one place.....and to be in agreement --was indeed answer to prayer.

 It was phenomenal .

 Unbelievable .

Blessed beyond belief.

It was God ordained!


Then Christine Caine spoke -- and voiced her opinion on the baptism in the Holy Spirit.  I  was raised with the knowledge that Jesus died for my sins.   I believed and accepted that.  I did not know that I could have a personal relationship with God and Jesus until I was a teen.  I acknowledged that God was indeed God for most of my adult life -- but I know that I did not FALL in love with  God and  placed my trust in God until I was 45 ... at an Encounter with God weekend in Titusville back in 2011.

 Up until then, I do believed I loved God in the capacity to which I could.     That is a big statement -- to the capacity of which I could.   Until then I know my prayers were heard  as around the  24th year of my life I got on the roller coaster of trusting God and I would ebb and flow on and off that roller coaster of life.   I  would seek God for a season and then the world.  Then back on the coaster and ride high with Jesus and then stepped off again as my heart became more hard to a true relationship with God.   I had faith, hope, and love but I allowed idols to begin to become MORE  and more important than God's Word.  God wanted MORE of me. 

 And I was a very good actress!  How many around me are doing the same?   Are you a good actress? 

Selfie attempt when we arrived!! 

When everything fell, God picked me up and began to rebuild me.  And, in that season - having my prayer language gave me comfort and confidence that I could pray without Satan hearing me.

 God rebuilt me, but in these past months,  as I said,  I believe God has been working a death in me again,  so that HE could fill me back up with MORE grace to do His work.   At America's Dome, I felt myself stating:   "How dare I think that God could not 'work' through Beth whether she had her prayer language or not!!"    And, "why do you think that God can't do WHAT He wants?".  And as I wrested with God on this subject - God graciously showed me where I must repent so that this spiritual pride would be nipped in the bud.  Thank you God.   I repented.  And God literally did some Holy Surgery on me Sunday night -- again, that could ONLY of been God.  ( I will explain Sunday night in another blog - if you are interested! )

So, my prayer this evening is quite personal -- but I am being obedient.  As I am in the preparations right now to take a group of women to Titusville again and I want ONLY He -- God to get the glory, be the glory, and heal with His glory -- this is not about a gift that I believe is important -- it is about what GOD wants to do -- heal, restore, and redeem.   It is about God doing some holy surgery in each woman that participates.   It is about His will being done, here as it is in heaven!   And, we don't want to grieve the Holy Spirit - but have Him present and guiding us as He is the teacher and His anointing is what will make the changes in hearts.

Lord, first of all - thank you SO much for the ability to attend this conference, enjoy my Florida family, get to know Kathy, Denise, and Darlene is such a better way.   And for the Wisconsin family that joined us as well.  You totally orchestrated that and I am thankful for my sister's ( Diann's) obedience to You as she invited my mom to join she and Tiffany.  

  Lord, I sit here and just marvel at HOW you moved, HOW your orchestrated and HOW you were there right with me.   And how you were with each of them as well!!   Lord, HOW you have the ability to make me think and feel and believe that YOU orchestrated the  weekend just for me.   I don't mean to sound arrogant or prideful, but at practically every moment,  when I got out of my head and allowed YOU in there -- it felt like even though 22K women  were there to attend as well -- it seemed like the entire weekend was JUST for me.   You met me there so personally.   And yet, I know that I know you did that for the lady sitting to my left and to my right.  And you did that for each and every one there WHO wanted MORE of you!   You are indeed a sweet and good good father.   And I believe You orchestrated that weekend just for my mom as well.  Lord, the blessing of knowing she accepted You and recited the sinner's prayer was just the icing on the cake of the weekend.   Each and every detail of those four days was beyond belief and I praise You, Holy Father, as we took confidence from Your Word ..whenever two or three are gathered in Your name...Amen! 

But now Lord, as you already know my heart as I have confessed this to you already -- thank you for being so gentle and sweet with me as you placed that prideful righteous religious anger to death in me and opened up my heart for more of YOU.   Thank you for blessing me with the ability to hear from you and see you at work.  Thank you for reminding me gently that YOU indeed HAVE it.   Forgive me Lord, as I know you knew the condition and desire of my heart so my intentions were good but now I clearly see how YOU want to raise me up and call me to NEW heights...NEW assignments and NEW things.  

Lord for the past the the enemy wants to shove in my face...even when mistakes were made -- You knew the intention of my heart and YOU covered me.  I praise YOU for that.  And I don't take it lightly, but Your GRACE is sufficient and I know that with this new revelation knowledge ...indeed..YOU can do MORE through me and I will teach and share it with others, as You have given me some good assignments - but OH God... I know where my strength comes from - it comes from YOU. 

Forgive me Lord for thinking and believing that Beth "had" to have her prayer language  and if she did -- she could "THEN" do more for you -- now, as I even type this confession....I can clearly see how that was being immature in thinking.    

 Forgive me Lord, for the others I have judged that 'needed more'....Lord, cover me -- in my zeal and passion for You I pray that I won't manipulate anything when it comes to YOU Lord.    I am humbled Lord, that You wish to continue to use me for YOUR purposes.   I pray I won't fail you.  

Forgive me Lord, if I have allowed or pushed something on someone when Your timing was not right -- when I tried to manipulate.    Forgive me Lord, and continue to rebuild me.  Lord,  You are Lord -- Lord, You are sovereign and Lord -- I want ALL You have for me -- I confess my  arrogance and my anger and I give it to you.  Lord for the ones that read this - I pray that it will make sense and it will relate to them as well.  I pray they won't make the same mistakes.   I pray, as when I read anothers story or heart on how YOU are working in their lives.....I can see myself and I 'fix' it before I make the same mistake...so I pray that this prayer, this confession would indeed be for another and that it would give grace to another .....and it would make sense to another and it would push her closer to YOU Lord.   

And if not -- that is OK too.   You know the fear I had in typing this blog.   You understand my need for approval and YOU know exactly WHAT comes next.    Lord, as I edit this today -- I lay here in awe of YOUR presence.  You really DID spare us yesterday ....with Matthew wobbling a bit to the east -- it saved lives...it saved our Insurance claims...  it was indeed an act of MERCY on my community and my children.   Tears overwhelm me... I don't deserve this -- and yet... YOU did this NOT only for me but for ALL your children!   

And Lord, I thank you for my sister's in Christ -- for those YOU use to sharpen me.   I ask for a blessing upon Kathy, Denise, and Darlene who love me for just being me...and I ask a blessing on my MOM, my sister and my sister in Love...who love me for just being me... and I thank you for Mary this am as well...as she posted something on FB this am...  Matthew 10. 7 says this, " Go and announce to them that the Kingdom of Heaven is near".......  You are very near... I believe I will see you face to face soon.   I don't believe my children will have to plan my life celebration ( funeral) ....  But I also fear YOUR Bride is not quite ready...   God I pray YOU will continue to use me - for YOUR Kingdom purposes.   

May the one  WHO read this to the end... May you bless her or him as well ...and may they seek you today and ask YOU what needs to be repented of ...so that YOU can use them as well.   IN Jesus name.  I am humbled and oh  oh   oh so  so so grateful.   

You are indeed a good good Father!  
- michelle 

You might be a HERO.

Hebrews 11 speaks about the heroes of faith.  The Message Bible, Hebrews 11. 1-2 says, the fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living.  It's our handle on what we can't see.  The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. 

Heroes are people of Substance.

----Because of faith... there were ancestors that skipped death -
  because of faith...they .....  - pleased God
-built a massive ark in the middle of dry land
-traveled to places unknown
-reached into the future and blessed their descendants
-celebrated the Passover
-welcomed spies and escaped destruction
-toppled kingdoms
-won battles
-routed enemies
-received their loved ones back from the dead
-kept their eyes on the eternal......and the list can go on.

  I am  just using a list from Girls with Swords on pg. 39... 

I want to be that kind of Hero!


We had an excellent night again with Girls with Swords.  Monday, there were two lessons that I can listen too and read over and over.   Heroes and Battlegrounds.   The Cross.

The battleground = our lives.   Look up Ephesians 6.12 - write it out....memorize it.  That is our battleground. 
We don't wrestle again flesh and blood -- but .... spiritual warfare....etc.   That was a powerful reminder as we place our WHOLE armor on and know that we are over comers.

However, the Hero part still has me thinking.

I know many women today -- that have celebrated 'passover' and have been passed over and escaped death --
I know several that have routed enemies - enemies of addiction and pride-
I know several that have spoken life into their children and their children serve God - 
I know a several that have won battles -
I know one that has beaten cancer -
I know one that has a redeemed marriage -
I know one that has had a physical healing -
I know one that has given up all 'anxiety drugs' and has peace and joy with Him -
I know several women that are building a massive ark of refuge within their homes ...believing that the flood of grace and mercy will come back within their men!  
I know a dear few that have received their loved ones back from the dead - a spiritual death....
I know even more that keep their eyes on the eternal -
I know several who have traveled to places unknown ....and returned to share HIS joy and Word -
***

I may not have marched around Jericho 7x but I have walked around a trailer and claimed victory over a situation  and have seen it come into fruition.
I may not have welcomed a spy into my home, but I did allow a stranger back in and I was rewarded for it.
I have not crossed the Red Sea on dry land  but I know what it is like to walk and see something totally dead come back to life.
I have not toppled a Kingdom, but I have battled and won a war with the enemy who wanted my marriage.
I have not turned from an angry earthly king .....but I have turned away from the world to obey God!

Hero.

Lord God, I pray that YOU see in me a HERO - I pray I take risks.  I pray I live as a stranger among this land.  Lord, I pray I have an attitude that blesses you.  Lord, I pray that there would be no comparisons or competition but that I would strive to be YOUR utmost best and that I serve you 'to the hilt'.  I pray I am brave with You.  I pray there is more within me to do more for You - Lord, use me.   Lord, for the one reading this -- I pray that she or he will also recite this prayer and seek you -- and ask you -- give YOU permission to come and use them as a hero for You.  Your champion...You conquer as when we are with you - nothing is impossible.  - Michelle

And Lord, I pray for that dear one reading this -- that needs to HOLD on 5 minutes longer.....and then she will see her miracle.  I pray for the dear one that has been holding for the past 10 years....and still she smiles and believes that YOU are with her.  I pray for the dear one who messed up royally recently but she is taking the belief that YOU will bring beauty out of her ashes - she has given them to you.  I pray for the one that continues to weave back and forth on that roller coaster of life -- she loves you but has not fallen in LOVE with you -- she has not crossed over and she knows she should...she knows she has to .....but for whatever reason Lord, she hasn't....  And I pray for that new one - that little one, that she grows in You and does not allow the enemy to sway her BIG decision and for that precious one -- that knows that she knows...she is beating a dead horse - but she is holding onto something -- give her the strength to LET it go - and believe that YOU have something more for her ...... God, in heaven -- for the one that needs to see YOU break the arm of the evil on -- do it for her today -- let her see YOU bring all justice ...that YOU can take care of it, that she DOES not need to seek revenge- may she see her life eternally and get beyond this temporary state - God, YOU have MUCH to do today - but I know  - you answer - amen.  


   
If you would like to JOIN us for Girls with Swords -- you are STILL welcome -- we will continue on this study for 2 more Mondays -- message me for details. - Michelle 

And The Cross - that is for the next blog -- !!    

I am a culvert --

I was challenged this weekend.  I enjoyed a very nice time of fellowship with many other Christian women in Okeechobee.  We were treated to a beautiful brunch.  We laughed at a silly skit and we had some kick butt....awesome praise and worship  and then -- we were challenged.

The Holy Spirit is my friend.  He is real.  We were challenged to be the culvert --
But first we heard how HE - Jesus  can redeem and HOW ONLY HE  - God can heal, when we really WANT that healing touch.... we must cry out to Jesus and WANT all of HIM.



 John 14. 26 - But the Counselor, the HOly Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have  said to you. 

 The Holy Spirit is my best friend.

I have learned to rely on Him, I have learned to trust Him, and I have learned that He is the one that convicts....us of sin.

John 16. 8- 10  When he come, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment. In regard to sin, because men do not believe in me, in regard to righteousness, because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer, and in regard to judgement, because the prince of this world now stands condemned.  
vs. 13...But when he, the Spirit of truth comes he will guide you into all truth, He will not speak on his own, he will speak only what he hears , and he will tell you what is YET to come.

He will convict the world of sin - because they don't believe in Him. In order for a person to believe, he must be convicted he is a sinner -- that is the job of the Holy Spirit. So the verse says, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin......

He will convict the world of righteousness -- this is where, because of Jesus, the Holy Spirit convinces me that I am also right standing with God.  The Holy Spirit speaks to me and tells me - 'atta girl'.

And He will convict me of judgment -- because the ruler of this world is judged...Satan -
Satan has no authority .....no authority in me....Satan has nothing on me!   So, Jesus  has taken my place and He will intercede for me in  my judgement....


So, why would I not - seek the Holy Spirit - my Counselor and Helper - ....

I will be the Culvert....the con- do- it... and allow the healing waters of New Life to flow through --
I will be the one to listen to the HOly Spirit and allow HIm to work through me.....
I will be like the 'best Michelle' He has created me to be.....


Thank you Fran McKee and your vision of this KNIT Together Conference.

Thank you Michelle Hart - for being transparent and real and sharing a HOPE-FILLED story of God's grace and mercy.   May your story - again - bring life and hope to many!

Thank you Kathy Harris for the illustration -- and the honest words ....so give us courage and to challenge us.

May God KNIT His daughters here in Okeechobee into a bevy of HIS warriors --for Him

Amen.

...the POWER that sustains ...

  I want to share  something that is VERY hard to explain.....

Here is some scripture :

2 Timothy 3: 16-17 says All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. 

1 Corinthians 12.1 says  'now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I do not want you to be ignorant' 

1 Corinthians 1. 6-7 says 'you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed' 

Luke 3.16 says 'John answered the, all, " I baptize you with water, but one who is more powerful than I will come, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to unite.  He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.'

John 1. 32- 34 says 'Then John gave his testimony: " I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him. And I myself did not know him, but the one who sent me to baptize with water told me, 'the man on whom you see the Spirit come down and remain is the one who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.' I have seen and I testify that this is God's Chosen One." 

I am speaking about the POWER   -- the power that sustained me.
I believe that POWER was the difference.

I thank God for the ministering and mentoring possibilities HE brings to me.  I know I am an encourager and I SOUGHT out much encouragement when I was in the middle of a crisis of belief and heartache  within my immediate  family.  When I stop and speak, or write, I reflect and the enemy loves to remind me HOW long we were in that pain or how I  was ...or we were in turmoil  but so OUT Of fellowship with our Lord.    ( the enemy does that - he is a LIAR )

So I battle, and take those thoughts captive and believe HIS word and HIS promises.

But I will stop and ask myself -- "how did I do it Lord?"
 And I quickly remind myself or whomever I spoke to -- " I didn't -- HE did it through me...I did it through HIM "

And one of the main reasons I did overcome was because I had some EXTRA power.

 I had a power tool within my reach -- that power was a blessing and it DID sustain me.

This is a literal illustration but if I had to cut a forest of trees down, and I had a saw, I could do the job.  But if I had a POWER tool - an ELECTRIC saw - just think of HOW much faster I would get the job done.   

Sometimes we are SO full of hurt or SO full of  discouragement   that we just don't want to open our bibles nor even pray or think -- THAT is when I could stop, pray in my prayer language,  and know that know -- I WAS speaking DIRECTLY to the Father and the enemy had NO clue.  Amen.


I am referring to my prayer language -- I am referring to speaking in tongues.

I believe this is something that is lacking ....the Power of the Holy Spirit is needed.
God is raising a generation of women -- we are like the lioness' arising.  We are SO powerful and our swords are our words ...HIS words...OUR sword is the word of God.

We need to know it - live it, breathe it in and speak it out.

God's word shows me that HIS gift of the baptism of the Holy Spirit ...is HIS gift to me.
We ALL receive the Holy Spirit upon conversion or salvation  -- that is not what I am speaking of.
Being baptized in the Holy Spirit is separate and distinct  -- different from receiving the Holy Spirit at salvation.


Personally, I was raised Catholic and my priest told me that speaking in tongues was a way to help explain what transpired after the death of Christ.  He told me it does not happen today and that if it did - it would be for the priests.

I had asked, I inquired.   I was 17.

I went to church with my boyfriend - Brendan.  I heard some people pray out loud and it sounded weird.  It scared me.  Therefore I had already set my heart against it.

 I will remember one Sunday School lesson where it was discussed and praise God the teacher stated, "you don't have to be baptized in the Holy Spirit to go to heaven".  Relief -- I was 20.

In the mean time, I heard some people pray it more privately.  I asked questions of Brendan and his Grandparents and had it 'figured out'.

From age 21-35 various people at church would preach about it.  I ignored it - it still felt 'freaky'. I got too busy -- it was not needed in my opinion.

Brendan and I never discussed it.

 By the age of 37 - I became MORE aware of many things.  We were pretty involved in a wonderful church where the baptism of the holy spirit was not welcome.  In fact, it became a topic that had to be defended.   Brendan began to talk about it - conversations started.  He wanted it so I wanted it,  but in my own head - I was still afraid of it.   My uncle was diagnosed with cancer and all of a sudden  prayer became a focal point.

Skip to age 39 - this  was a time in my life when God was beginning to change me.

The enemy so deceived my husband, in hindsight I see a man that tried within his 'humanness' to seek God but the enemy won out each time, thus, deception and lies are believed.

In many lonely walks and countless  talks with God, I was 'given' a phrase a sentence.  It did not make sense.  I never spoke of it to my husband -- the enemy has such a wall between us then.  I did not tell anyone but repeating it over and over brought comfort.  I paid closer attention now to preachers on TV  and I read lots of books or articles on the subject.  And I asked God, "did I have my prayer language?".  But I had no idea if I did -- looking back, yes I did, God had baptized me in that prayer language but I was too weak ...too scared.... and to much of a baby in Christ to understand it and I did  not have anyone around me to disciple me. Oh God had put people there - but I couldn't see them.  I was blind.

Even though at that time -- I was attending church... But let me say it again  -- I  had many around me that could of helped me understand but the enemy had me so closed off and ALONE and isolated - even though I was a youth leader, I lead a bible study or two and I prayed often.

That was my idol of pride .....at that time I had things so figured out - I was so blind!
I also had a spirit of religion where I felt I knew what I was suppose to do and I did it.

Sometime in there,  I witnessed my daughter research it, seek it and get her prayer language and she was so excited ...so full of HIM she came home to share and within her speaking about it, our son read the material and was baptized in it instantly.  I had both kids speaking in their prayer language and I had to admit -- IT WAS real  ....and I went to the bedroom where my depressed husband was and I shared with him and he could not even look at me.

Now I understand why - he was so hard to anything of God and that was such conviction.  I had no idea of the sin my husband  was in ....I just thought he was in a major depression and mid-life crisis.  But how sweet of God, giving that gift  to my children as God  knew that within a few short years ...my children would NEED that as the hurricane had not HIT us yet.  I was 42.

It is hard to capture 10 years worth of feelings  in a blog that I try to keep brief -- but, I needed to say all that so that you  can understand the fear I had and the resistance I had to being baptized in the Holy Spirit.

...Until I was 44.  I believe THAT is when I truly OPENED the eyes HE gave me.  I had too - I was desperate.  I sought out a friend, a Pastor, as I sought prayer with he and his wife--God opened my eyes and I realized I had unforgiveness towards so many -- but who could blame me, I had been betrayed!

 He asked me if I had a prayer language and  I explained, and then he asked if he could pray for me in that prayer language and I said OF course! As he prayed, like I said, God opened my spiritual eyes and in my head,  and showed me that I had this mistrust and unforgiveness and that I needed to forgive him-- my friend who is NOW my Pastor ---- and so ---I forgave him and as those words came out of my mouth....my prayer language spit out in front of me.  I say spit out in front of me but it burst out - and it was real and I knew it and I freaked out cause I knew I did not put those words into my mouth.

Pastor immediately told me to continue to speak it out. AS I know now, that is so important when one receives their prayer language because the enemy hates it and quickly whispers - THAT is not real.  But I knew it was real and I just had to jump up and praise God.  From that point on -- I knew I could  rely on praying in my prayer language -- cause after that, there were many many many countless and sleepless nights where I just had NO more words but I wanted to speak to God and pray for the people in my life ....my family...I wanted restoration and I wanted redemption and I wanted my family - to be quite honest - I wanted my husband saved. Period.

THAT is the POWER that sustained me.
THAT is the power I rely on now to continue to fight the enemy.
THAT is the difference -- I believe in some of us getting our healing faster than others......
THAT is what I believe makes the difference.

Peter denied Jesus 3x while they were persecuting our Lord, and yet, after repenting and receiving the Baptism of the Holy Spirit on the day of Pentecost, he had power and boldness to preach to the multitudes and over 3000 were born again.


Skip back to me at age 44. After that night of prayer in my Pastor and his wife's living room - God began to open my eyes like never before and thus began a process that took time, patience, and lots of love and therapy  so that by age 45....I REALLY could forgive the one person I felt was the blame and I realized that I had to FORGIVE God too...but that is another blog.

I have always wanted to minister to people.   I feel. I want to be used by God.   I wanted to be the next Beth Moore once I heard her and realized WHAT she accomplishes through Christ.  But,  God did not make me Beth Moore...he made me Michelle.

 And yes,  I have been through a few trials and most recently my family,  has walked through the fire and we came out on the other side -- better, stronger, and finally FREE of so much bondage and strongholds.  Free of condemnation and shame, free of the lies that the enemy had convinced us all.   God allowed the hurt and betrayal of infidelity to pierce our family and so now -- many people believe I am some really GREAT prayer warrior or person that 'gets things done'.  One person even said I was remarkable ....I am not remarkable - I am HIS and if my words, or my actions help another to understand and realize that we all will face JESUS one day and give an account -- than praise God, I want to be used, I want the LOST saved.   One women even told me she needed me to pray for her grandson cause God hears me.....

God will hear her JUST a mightily but the enemy has her convinced her words are not good enough.  The enemy is a LIAR.

I am nothing without God.  I am nothing without Christ - HE is the one that healed.  HE is the one that restored -- I only grabbed onto the fringe of HIS garment and HUNG on for dear life.
I did hang on tight.
I did not give up.
I wanted to.  I asked God many many many nights to please release me -- to please let me just be DONE...but HE never did that.
 HE gave us His son -- so we can endure.

I am not perfect -- just to be real, I also prayed at that same  time that God would hold me still as I wanted to slash some tires and do MAJOR damage to body parts -- I did  -- I guess I am adding that cause I want to be real and transparent - walking through a fire is HARD..but the joy and rewards of seeing the beauty out of the ashes is such a  GOD blessing!   I am humbled.

 I sought HIS word and the sword and when I just COULD not pray anymore...I spoke my prayers directly to GOD by using my prayer language. It was the power I needed.

It was no longer freaky.
It was real.

I am 47 today ....

This boldness is only from HIM.  My life verse it to let HIS light shine in me - like Beth Moore says, "there is NO high like a Jesus high"...to see another be SET free...to believe in miracles and to be a part of a church body/family that believes  GOD Can do anything is encouragement and life to me...life to my daughter..and life to my husband.

BTW -- if you speak to him and get talking about God  -- he will tell you of THAT power too - and there is nothing more rewarding  than praying with your husband and hearing him claim life over you...bless you..and pray for you.   Hearing him ask me to pray for him, to keep another  in my prayers,  Etc. ETc.  THAT is what God intended.  THAT is why He allowed  our  crisis of faith.

...So, I could write today and even if ONLY one person reads this and gets the urge to inquire about the Holy Spirit and want to have that -- prayer language...I am blessed and humbled.

 You can have that power too - HE promised it.

The baptism is a gift  received by faith.
We receive it by asking.
Have you already spoke it out -- that you would never get it??
Have you experienced it before so you are already freaked out?

 You can change that.

Start reading the book of Acts and Corinthians chapters 12-14 and Jesus will be more real to you and if you have READ to the bottom of this post -- I believe YOU want that power too.

Humbled.
- Michelle

If you read this and endured to the end  -- I believe God is giving you a reminder -- HE wins!

This is my Pastor and his wife -- I appreciate their truth and powerful prayers and their intercession - it made a difference along with the MANY others that prayed for me, my husband and our family in our hurricane - it was MANY who prayed!  thank you !