Healing a Wounded Heart #2 & Big scary prayers!

My heart was a bit wounded this past weekend.
A sweet woman went home to be with Jesus and her Lord on Monday. 
It was hard seeing her battle to breathe when I had a very short visit with her on Sunday. 
I LOST it.
But...God held.


I want others to experience the JOY only HE can bring.
I want others to believe in something that CAN happen with HIS help.
I want people to have growing faith - that WHEN they get beyond their own hurt and crisis...they will then PRAY it forward and speak life into another.


I really do.  I WANT all that good.

But as we walk in this world and enjoy HIS blessings, we also experience wounded hearts.
Even when we LOVE HIM.... HE allows stuff, as this world is not HIS.... Our world with HIM -- is eternal! 


Psalm 34.18 says:  "the LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit".  

I have a sort of  a continued discussion with a sister in Christ.  She says 'her pain'  was more  devastating.  More crushing.
I say, 'pain is pain'.  I know that when I was rejected and broken hearted -- there were days, MANY days when ALL I wanted to do was GO to heaven --  check out -- don't pass 'go...don't collect my $200'...( that is a reference from the game of Monopoly).

I would never tell her that my pain equaled her pain -- I did not experience what she did.
But now that God has healed and restored the earthquake that fell upon me -- I realize that when another sister in Christ is in pain -- her pain and hurt is real and that she may just want to check out too -- -- it is THOSE women, I want to say -- GOD WILL and CAN heal.

So, I reminded myself on Sunday after my visit with my sweet sister in Christ that was in ICU -- that  God is close to the broken hearted..me and HE saves those who are crushed in Spirit.

 But ...Her Spirit was not crushed.

 She loved the Lord and fought her battle with cancer with the most grace and dignity I have seen in a long time.  I am thankful I have seen few woman that have fought hard.  And I am thankful it has only been a 'few'... I don't want any of my LOVED ones to walk in that path of brokenness, that path of   hurt, cancer, ...nor do I want them to cause an earthquake of such.....



I recalled:

In my most darkest and brokenhearted days -I did NOT want to get out of bed.
I did not want someone to tell me it was going to be 'ok'...I WANTED it fixed and yesterday!
I was TIRED of praying and waiting.
I WANTED answers and I wanted to know - that all would be well.
And on many of those days - I wanted GOD to come from heaven and SMACK some people around - I did -- I wanted JUSTICE...what the hell did I do to deserve this hurt?

This world is broken.  This is not our home.  I never did anything to 'deserve' this...but I was/am a sinner and  mercy is for the just and the unjust.... God showed me mercy.  I needed HIS mercy.

Unfortunately -- the only one that could really help me  was God Himself and He was at work - I just could not SEE it.  So then comes the TRUST factor.

I was 44...almost 45.  I am now 49.   I would of argued with you - I 'knew' Christ and trusted Him.
But I had NO CLUE.  After God allowed a revelation - it took 9  more months before I finally  -- really  -- allowed God to be MY EVERYTHING...NO MATTER what.  It was THEN...that God could begin a 'new' work within another.  I say 'new' work, cause I knew God was working all that time on him as well -- but, it was different now.  When we truly TAKE our hands OUT of the situation and TRUST God - and WALK in that trust...God will let us 'see' a bit into WHAT HE is doing.

 Just TRUST.

So, Sunday, I called upon God - to quickly HEAL her....or take her.  I HATE having to pray that, but in HIS mercy and kindness...I would WANT that prayer said for me.

I would.  

I know God was holding her when I went to visit.
He loves her - just as much as me.  Just as much as HE loves all his children.  Her final healing had to come in Heaven.  

I am so certain she is dancing and enjoying her brother and the others in the great cloud of witnesses that saw her walk and live her life.  She was a Proverbs 31 woman.

  God's will is to restore.  God's will is to heal.

I was blessed with the privilege to stand around a tree at a place called 'Central' and we called upon God on her behalf MANY many MANY times.   When she was diagnosed ( 5 years ago )  and then  a little later when it seemed the cancer was trying to return.

That was about 4 years ago.  I won't forget it, cause I had just returned from a Women's God Encounter Weekend ( and I know I know - I have shared a LOT about this - bear with me - humor me )  and I was ON fire...I had seen some miracles and  physical healings  and I just believed in the power of that anointed touch.  I knew we were going to be praying for her that morning and I felt led to 'touch' her with oil.  I called a friend  on my way to school and asked for the scripture I needed to make sure 'I did it right'.  Anyhow, we met at the Tree, we prayed. I cried.  We believed.   Many prayers were said and God honored all of us and her..... And she was given more time.  I can't remember the exact details, but I cried then too when I prayed.  I basically just looked at her and told God -- she can't die yet...she is needed.  Period.  End of story and I can still see her smiling - she had an infectious smile.

And she did get a reprieve.  I believe she had 2 good years... she came back to work and she retired from the School System.  She was such an assets to all of us that worked with her.  !!! 

I remember one conversation in particular with her, it was shortly after her diagnosis with lung cancer, it was the end of the school year.  June 2010 and I was returning to my classroom to pack up, as it was after 5 and she was heading home.  Every year, it was almost comical, but 'where' was the speech room going to be...???  If Mary Ellen was given a hole in the wall..she made it special for her students.  She was indeed moving again 'that' year to a new spot and she was doing what I was doing - organizing but now heading home.    At that moment, I was an emotional wreck and IN MY own world of earthquakes and 'me' and we began to talk.  As I was concerned about my son, wondering as to WHAT to do.  She shared  a story about her older son and we cried, prayed, and I took her advice - and it gave me great peace.  Then she began to tell me about Psalm 23 and how she was memorizing it and used it as her prayer.....and again, God used her - to teach me.

I am so thankful for that conversation.

I had many more.

I won't share about the pin worms ...and the 'how'...that was one of the first conversations in the Teacher's Lounge one day -- early in my Okeechobee life.   And the story about 'poop'....and several funny stories about her husband and on Sunday as my tears fell and the Holy Spirit reminded me -- I was filled with such a smile.

 As she was around Central  -- she ALWAYS had the most stylish clothes and I would comment on them and want that CUTE  body.   And I told myself, when I 'grow' up - I want to be that classy!!

2-3 years ago when I lived in her neighborhood -- I  would see  her riding  her bike around town - watching her ride around brought comfort.  But anyway, even with her hair a bit shorter....she was always so beautiful inside and out!  

And, I loved hearing her stories about her family .....her Amish/Minninnite Roots....and I will never forget when I was 'getting' into Christian music ....and we'd begin to talk about spiritual things  how she would give me her Charisma magazines after she was done reading them.  And the day that I put two and two together and realized her brother -n - law was a famous Christian Recording artist.  I had JUST bought his album and was telling her about it and she shared.  I  was flabbergasted.  I was.

( If you know me...I get tickled and LOVE celebrity stuff.  And I am JUST that way ...LOL.  THAT is how God made me.  And so,  just knowing 'his' sister in law -- brought me  CLOSER to  actually meeting him.  Oh my -- Do you think I need therapy?  )

OK - I digressed....   focus Michelle -----
( Mary -- those EXTRA ..... were for you !! ) 

As I said, the Lord orchestrated our steps.   

Little did I think that 4 years later.....I would be typing a blog  and using the  illustration  of her being the 'FIRST' one I anointed with oil.....to remind another -- God restores.

  He heals.

  Cancer won't define her.  I have read many FB comments and such about her and her life and one that is repeated over and over, is how kind she was and she was a lady of grace and dignity.

I was able to talk with her at the beginning of February.  We caught up, etc.  She gave me some really awesome news - a testimony about her son.  Presently - this year, I have a special little boy, young man, in my class.  He is her grandson.  God knew - God knew 4 years ago as we prayed on that day for her and for her son..... that she needed 2 miracles.   If I explained the facts and gave more details  about that - you may read it and think... "that was a miracle?"...but I know it was, as in February, I heard a very proud mother talk about ALL of her 4 children and how she was so proud of them.  And she was especially blessed, because a total stranger...a mother, from another state .....had written her a letter  --

This mother was thanking her for that son.   As that son...had prayed for her son and the results were tremendous.   God moved mountains.  That son, called upon HIS Heavenly Father and HE answered.  That son had made his mother - my friend - so proud.   That son, is the father to my student.  I was so blessed when I could share a VERY GOOD story about his dad -- he beamed.

  As I walked away from her that day in Publix, I looked back.  She looked frail.  I said a breath prayer, "lord, heal her".  I could tell that she was battling the something again and she said that, but like I said, she pushed it off as if it was nothing.  What was MORE important to her -- was sharing about her son and the GOOD stuff within her life.  And we spoke about her Grandson, and I updated her on his progress and future events --  and she said something  to me.  At the time, I just pushed it aside.


But  tonight -  it really struck me...

"I am so thankful he is in your class".   

Humbled.  I am humbled.  God knew.  God orchestrated this.    God had it covered.


I am his teacher, his name is Kayven , for 48 more days.  However, I told him today, that once your are a student of mine - you are always a student of mine.  I will keep tabs on him from this point on.
He recently had some surgery so that he can begin to walk.  I tease him, "you will have to walk your wife down the aisle" and he smiles a sheepish grin.   He came back to school today, as we had Spring Break and he had his surgery and then his Grandma went to heaven.   We made it a 'light' day.  But we talked and chatted too.   I had been praying since Sunday, that when I saw him - I would not LOSE it.  I asked several of my praying sisters to pray for me.  God was there.

The Holy Spirit led and we had some deep heartfelt chats.
I believe the next 48 days are going to be different.
I was reminded today that...as his teacher...as the teacher of the other students in my room -- God placed me there.  He is not the only one with a wounded heart this week.  One of my students was a cousin to the little boy who went heaven last week.   He was the little boy who went missing in Hollywood but was found later.    Life is sad. 

It has been a wounded week.  But.....  I know where the joy is from and I am determined to speak that into my students for another 48 days! 

Trusting is the first step.  Believing  in something that is unseen - is faith.
I am going to speak some BIG prayers -- scary prayers here next.

I know this blog got long.  ( Rachel if you read it to the end...you do deserve a extra piece of chocolate or to sleep in tomorrow instead of getting up to run..just saying.!  )   But this blog is also my way of speaking to others..speaking to God...and it is my therapy.  I pray it will excite another to write or to journal with God.  I pray that it will invoke some good memories of my dear friend. 





Lord, I am humbled- Hopeful...encouraged..and committed to believe YOU are indeed the one that help my friend in that ICU bed.  Lord, I know you will speak to each of her daughters and guide them in to WHAT is next as their have a dad that needs them so very much.  Lord, I pray for her sons...for both of them.  My daugher affectionately nick named her younger son 'jesus' while he was in High School -- as he so reminder her of that LOOK.  I hugged him this weekend and met his beautiful fiance - Lord, lead and guide him .  Lord, for those two girls -- Lord, as they raise their daughters and as they walk in this new 'normal' of their mom in heaven - God I pray that as they grieve and mourn...they are also flooded with Your comfort and healing touch.  Lord I pray also for my student - Kayven, Lord, he is really hurting -- I pray for his dad..I pray for him...I pray for Kayven's maternal grandparents and mom.... I pray that as they each continue to love on Kayven, he will grow in YOUR stature - and I believe he will walk..I believe he will become a great citizen of this community and he may even be that doctor that FINDS a cure for cancer.....in his grandmother's honor....  THOSE are BIG prayers Lord...but YOU said I could call upon you ..YOU said, I can ask -- and I am.  I want a father and son reunited... Period...End of story - ONLY YOU can do it at this point Lord, and so therefore - I ask - move the mountain.   Lord, guide me in this 'grief'...as I want to be a comfort but a wise counsel to both of my students who have suffered a loss this year and to another who lost a cousin a few months ago.  God... I have one more request...

This is extra.....God, I know you are  around us and I  believe that YOU are at work.  This week again, You quickened both  my husband and me to pray for several couples..... I pray YOU will open the eyes of the ones who are deceived, and YOU will restore the others...and give courage to the ones that MUST seek some professional and godly help -- I believe.  I believe,  YOU WANT for them -- WHAT I now have with my husband...new soul ties...new love... and revelations that there was LOVE all that time....the the wife of the youth...is HIS will...that the current wife is GOD's will.... that the two married -- should remain.   amen.   GOD....wash them all clean....God that the ones that are NOT in relationship with you - would be miserable...until they SEEK you and if You see fit to use Brendan or myself within this.....then do it and we promise to be faithful to the Holy Spirit as He speaks to us - in Jesus name..

And ONE more...for Pookie ....Lord, I thank you for her and her husband and their commitment to YOU as they battle this 'cancer'... I know you are going to use them both in a mighty way.  Lord, I know that YOU are in control.  Lord, I believe all of us have a mission - I Pray as they  begin the next 'leg' of their marriage and journey that You will just continue to give them a peace beyond all understanding and that all glory and honor are given to YOU.  amen.

michelle

Expecting #33 -- Heaven or Hell.

I heard an interesting perspective today on a piece of scripture.  
Luke 16. 19-31. 

The Rich Man and Lazarus

¹⁹ “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. ²⁰ At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores ²¹ and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.

^{So there are basically two kinds of people - rich and poor.   Or ...there are EXTREMELY RICH people and EXTREMELY poor people.  And some in between.   That rich man has lived in LUXURY - every day.  EXTREME wealth.  Provisions.}  

²² “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. 

So  when we die....angles will carry us off - 

The rich man also died and was buried. 

<sup>It seems that some will just remain in the ground.....

23</sup> In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side.   

<sup>Now, here is a new perspective -- Is this a Parable?  jesus spoke in parables and always spoke in anonymity  meaning, there were no personal names and therefor, at the end of the parable, one could ask - "Lord is this me?  Who am I in this ? ".  

In this story - there are names.  Maybe this is not a parable but a story - told ONLY by Jesus - cause Jesus can tell the story.  

24</sup> So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’

So there is agony in hell.   There is fire.   The rich man can SEE heaven...and  he is in torment.  

²⁵ “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 

^{Guess what --?  For many people .....this time on EArth is as 'close to heaven' as  they will ever get ......}

 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’

Once in heaven - we are there to stay -- and once in hell -- there is no 2nd chance!  

²⁷ “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, ²⁸ for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’

So perhaps once in hell...part of the torment is to see and know that others may come there -- and therefore the rich man begged Abraham to send a warning to those still living on Earth  

²⁹ “Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’

Another reminder that God wants NO one to perish and that God has given us Moses and many prophets to share the news of jesus Christ.... and yet...still some won't listen.  

³⁰ “‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

³¹ “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”

These last two verses really opened my eyes ....  there will be people, that will see others  raised from the dead  - spiritual death...and even physical death -- Jesus...and yet, they still don't claim Christ as their Lord.  


I heard an interesting perspective today on a piece of scripture.  Luke 16. 19-31. 

Ps Tim was sharing God's word today.  I  sat in my seat and thanked God, as I had asked HIM this morning a question that was proposed to me.   Ps Tim reminded us that this was probably a real story  -- an illustration of heaven and hell.  It confirms that both places are real and that once there - there is no moving to the other.  

Jesus is the one that came to us (earth)  to set the captives free - HE came  to die for our sins so that we could be in heaven. 
 It is the Holy Spirits job to draw in God's  people and He convicts.  
God continues to draw us near - it is not "MY" responsible to save anyone.  

My job is to live with Christ in me and be 'jesus' to the ones around me. 
I had a woman ask me about her sons.  She is so concerned and worried about their beliefs and  worries that they won't be in heaven.  

So, I am sharing this because - I will trust that GOD has provided "Moses" to them and "prophets" too.  I know she took them to church  as they were young children .... and I believe that we can trust GOD to DRAW everyone and anyone to HIM.  

Now, we have free will.   Her boys have free will.  

But she has Christ within her and the authority to bind the enemy away from them.  So, as a mom, she can cover them in prayer.  

Therefore, to the one that asked:  

This would be the prayer I would say over and over until I had the assurance that they would be in heaven.   But first... I would recheck myself....and ask myself:  

"Do they see Jesus in me or do they hear me nag?"
"Do they see Jesus in me in my speech and greetings or do they hear me whine and complain?" 
"Do they see HIS light in me?  Am I sharing His love?" 
"Do they see Jesus in me...am I showing love - unconditionally?".  


And...then I would pray:  

Heavenly Father, you know my two sons and their families.  Lord, You know HOW much I love them and You know Lord that I would do anything for them.  Lord, their earthly Father let them down ...their Earthly Father let me down...but I am going to trust that he is with You and that  our sons will NOT follow in his path.  Lord, I will trust that YOU are the balm of Gilead and that Your plans for me are for good -- so therefore, you want to answer my cry.

 Lord, I trust that my sons are good men to their children, wives, and friends.   Lord, I will pray that they both have eyes that are open to  godly, spiritual things and I pray that there are people around them in their workplace and in their social lives that display Your Love and grace to them as well.

 Lord, forgive my shortcomings...I probably have not displayed  or shown a  happy love....one that would draw them in...but I need You to heal my hurts and I want that peace to shine within me.  I want my boys to see You in me Jesus...Holy Spirit, I can't do this on my own...my time is short...I want to enjoy my grandkids..I want to have a better relationship with my sons...and I know that I know ...You will answer my prayers.

 I thank you Lord, that soon, you will open their eyes, and I will see some of the fruit. I thank you Lord, that I have the authority to bind the enemy away from them...I pray and bind that spirit of addiction away -- it will NOT cause them to walk within their father's footsteps but I pray they will walk in YOUR footsteps Lord.  God, my heart is heavy...I will trust that you will honor my prayer as I place my trust in You and I will believe that my boys are Yours and that they will call you Abba Father...soon, In Jesus name. Amen.  

For the one that asked....YOUR prayers are mighty and powerful.  Continue to cover those boys in prayer, seek a prayer group for yourself and join a book club and seek to get closer to JEsus yourself.  Your sons are grown.... trust that God will honor Your prayers... and continue to speak life over them.   Don't allow the enemy to get you 'sour'...Don't allow the enemy to have any glory... as You pray each day, and ask God for an opening to speak to your sons ....God will soften their hearts and the 'little' things like just a visit or a phone call from them...will transpire.  Believe it.  

In the meantime.... get into a good bible study and focus on Jesus being the best friend you got....  God won't disappoint you!  

Expecting #30 -- Growing UP in HIM.

Again, I have to marvel at HOW perfectly God works ...orchestrates...and blesses.  Within this 40 days of prayer, I was given 7 topics to write about this past week.  The last one .... growing up in HIM..... was the EXACT topic or word that Ps. D spoke about LAST night at church.

Wow.

I am just smiling ear to ear -- as when he preached last night- I took almost 6 pages of notes with the intention to  USE on this blog.  As I took notes, and posted a Facebook status or two... I just thanked God for making my LIFE - SO much easier.  The Holy Spirit not only gave me the topics...but another gives me the WORDS to place on the blog.


However, as I sat this eve and looked over my notes from church last night....

This is WHAT is coming.

The time is near -- repent, forgive, and know...that I am coming soon.    That word was given to us at the Encounter Weekend.  WAtch the news and see what is transpiring over seas and if you don't believe that we are in the LAST days -- you are sadly mistaken.

But...no matter if there is 2 days before the Rapture...or another 200, or even 20,000... it is time to GROW up in HIM.

WE must move beyond our 'baby - ness'.
We must grow up within our knowledge of HIM.
We must grow up in our faith in HIM.
And we must just grow up --  simply....  Grow.

How do we do that - ?

SEEK HIM and call upon HIM and allow HIM control within you life.
 Allow HIM to be the head -- walk with HIM and rely on HIM.

Simple right?

There are so many 'baby' Christians around ...that are just being fed on what they get each week at church and they are not growing....  could they be left behind?

Funny how that movie is coming very soon.

The time is short.
Figure out HOW to grow in HIM.

We can't rely on our parents covering or a walk down that aisle many years ago.... that scripture - written to believers where it says, "I  never knew you"....is referring to  that day when we will ALL bend a knee before God -- and what will He say?

The other night -- I was watching Dallas.  Don't judge me - I grew up on Dallas as a teen and then watched it weekly in college.  TNT has brought back the next generation of Dallas peeps and it is a show -- that is not the point.  The point that I wanted to make was this:  There was a scene where this one guy was about to be shot and the 'killer' or the man who told the bad guy to kill him says:

"tell Nicholas ( papa ) that I said hello"     ...  He was implying that their papa was in heaven.
To which the man, going to be killed, said:  "I won't be going to heaven, I will be going to hell, but I will save  you a place".  And then the paid killer shoots him.

I sat there and thought....how much 'christian' stuff is on TV and is censored and all...and yet, with that SIMPLE scene.... they acknowledged hell.  That man ( and because of his behaviors ) knew he was going to hell.

To me -- it spoke volumes.   To me....I felt a Christian writer in Hollywood decided to make a statement.  
There really is only two choices...heaven or hell.

I pray that as we GROW in HIM....we help with the harvest and the great commission -- to bring souls into the knowledge and love of Christ.

It is time to grow up -- period.
Get Pastor's D's message on audio CD to hear it stated in another way -- or I will get you a copy of you message me....

But it is time to GROW up!

Lord, that we grow up - period - end of story -- God I pray....that if we are not growing...we are OPEN to the fact that Your Holy Spirit is telling us that and then...that we would change and GROW...in Jesus name, Amen.  

Expecting #23 -- prayerfully walking not emotional walking....

Psalms 149.4  - The Lord delights in his people -- you -- he crowns the humble with victory. 

Ecclesiastes 7.9 - Control your temper; for anger labels you a fool.  

Galatians 5 The Message (MSG)

The Life of Freedom.5 Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.^4-6 I suspect you would never intend this, but this is what happens. When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit. For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love.^7-10 You were running superbly! Who cut in on you, deflecting you from the true course of obedience? This detour doesn’t come from the One who called you into the race in the first place. And please don’t toss this off as insignificant. It only takes a minute amount of yeast, you know, to permeate an entire loaf of bread. Deep down, the Master has given me confidence that you will not defect. But the one who is upsetting you, whoever he is, will bear the divine judgment.
^13-15 It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?^16-18 My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God’s Spirit. Then you won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don’t you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?^19-21 It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom.^22-23 But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

True freedom -- being able to walk in freedom and know that you know God has you in HIS hands --------------and no matter what -- HE will make things right.  

Prayerfully walking - rather than emotional walking in that freedom.  

Seeking help -- Seeking counsel.  

Coming under spiritual authority.

These are ALL phrases and thoughts spinning in my head right now.  On Monday the Holy Spirit awoke me and gave me a list of topics for this blog/prayer.  Tonight - the one needed -- is walking it out -- prayerfully.  

I can only speak of my own situation -- but when the Lord allowed a major heartache to be revealed, I sat back and got angry and mad.  And I had a few ugly months where I destroyed physical things and if you were close - you got an earful.  I spewed to some that I NEVER should of opened up to.   But I was VERY careful not to spew it out on Face Book or to ALL...I choose a few close friends.   Somehow I just knew...if my marriage would be restored - there would be much I would have to correct ...and if we did not make it through...no matter what -- that man was the father to my children.  I was NOT going to stand before God and have God look at me and say, "michelle, why did you NOT do what I asked?".  

That was the motivation for showing grace and mercy -- cause THAT is what God clearly had said to me.  

 God actually brought me a few new friends -- that knew NOTHING about me....and that was refreshing, as they always spoke life to me and about me...and about the person that was hurting me.  

I sought godly counsel -- and I listened and DID what they suggested - prayerfully.  When I did not want to -- I called them to pray. 

I also sought professional help - and I listened to WHAT she stated to do -- we both did.  It was hard....it was NOT easy ...it took over a year of counsel.  

Insanity is doing the SAME stuff over and over -- in a marriage that has been broken...in a marriage that has suffered a loss and in a marriage where vows were broken.... you can't put a band-aid on it.  You can't say 'I am sorry, and you are forgiven' and expect it to remain perfect.  There is a sweet spirit there -- and the Lord will cover you -- but HE asks us to change.....  

One piece of advice or thought process our Therapist stated and we quote often -- "an affair is a symptom"  of other problems.  Drinking and taking some drugs or pills to 'numb' the pain is a symptom of other problems and add that to a marriage....ouch.  

When we prayerfully walk out our healing with counsel - godly and professional - and we take the time to MAKE the necessary changes of our own behavior -- I believe we can see  and I  have seen restoration.  

When we allow our emotions to do the healing and the counseling...I have seen changes...but changes that did not last.  Changes that hurt. 

Humbly seek counsel....be willing to come under authority of a Pastor /Counselor and follow their suggestions.  And if it is not working...go back to that Counselor and seek God and that person....many times... it takes some major surgery to fix a problem.....  there is a cost....  we think nothing of the cost to run to an emergency room to get help....why not RUN to a therapist that CAN be a new set of eyes.... and allow them to help - change the habits.  

The bottom line is -- I don't think some people WANT change. 

I don't believe that some WANT to do the HARD. 

People want QUICK fixes...  God can do that- but many times ...it takes time.  

HIS timing is perfect.  

As I said, the Holy Spirit gave me 7 topics...to blog on over the next week.  Many of the women that have returned from the Encounter Weekend are in recovery ....there was Holy Surgery done -- and the Holy Spirit warned them...to only allow a few visitors for the first few hours...to guard their hearts and head - as Satan ( and he is real ) and his helpers would be seeking to KILL, STEAL, and DESTROY...and I have seen it happen....not only within those women that went to the Encounter...but others too...

.....but others who have been told to ...seek counsel....won't follow it....

....others who have been prayed over -- and given advice to take it slow...and yet..they decided to manipulate the situation...they decided all was well...and it was not....

God is the God of second chances...and God will heal a humbled heart...  HE crowns the humble.... but His word also says -- HE labels one that can't control their anger -- as a fool.  

God is just. 

God is love.....and God is good....but HE is just.  

Exodus 14.14 - says that HE will fight for you -- God will....we must let God fight our battles...

Love covers a multitude of sins... and we must always forgive.  

But we must also do the HARD.  

If the Lord, has released your from a relationship because of adultery...then let it be......

But if God has NOT released you -- DO what God says... You will stand before Him one day - and YOu will have to account for your actions...what will you say?  

Lord....use these words this eve...I pray YOU will be glorified.  

In Jesus name...amen.  

- Humbled...

Grateful...and expecting that tomorrow -- one will do the HARD and  not allow the emotional walking...but will be prayerful and seek help - real help and do the HARD.   Or one will probably allow the enemy to tell her more lies -- and she will blame the accused or even me....but I know that I know - these words spoke truth.  God knows the desire of my heart - to speak life and encourage...

The hardest part is when 'the one' does not see that - and the spewing falls back upon me -- that is when I proclaim over and over -- Exodus 14.14 -- God is fighting for me - I need only be still -- and quiet too..  

Amen.  

Expecting #10 -- God RULES.... even in TESTS!

Psalm 97 The Message (MSG)

97 God rules: there’s something to shout over!
On the double, mainlands and islands—celebrate!

² Bright clouds and storm clouds circle ’round him;
Right and justice anchor his rule.

³ Fire blazes out before him,
Flaming high up the craggy mountains.

⁴ His lightnings light up the world;
Earth, wide-eyed, trembles in fear.

⁵ The mountains take one look at God
And melt, melt like wax before earth’s Lord.

⁶ The heavens announce that he’ll set everything right,
And everyone will see it happen—glorious!

^7-8 All who serve handcrafted gods will be sorry—
And they were so proud of their ragamuffin gods!

On your knees, all you gods—worship him!
And Zion, you listen and take heart!

Daughters of Zion, sing your hearts out:
God has done it all, has set everything right.

⁹ You, God, are High God of the cosmos,
Far, far higher than any of the gods.

¹⁰ God loves all who hate evil,
And those who love him he keeps safe,
Snatches them from the grip of the wicked.

¹¹ Light-seeds are planted in the souls of God’s people,
Joy-seeds are planted in good heart-soil.

¹² So, God’s people, shout praise to God,
Give thanks to our Holy God!

Today is Day #10.  When I started this Blog Prayer ( 40 days ) I knew that I knew God had commissioned me to write a series of prayers and link them together for HIS purpose.  I have one women in mind this time ...agreeing in prayer with her for her prayer requests as she needs a mighty movement of God within her life, her family, and her circle of influence.  There is no shame or condemnation as she loves HIM...she worships HIM...but there is still struggle.  

But, I have had confirmation that this 40 days of blog/prayer is NOT just for her or me....but several women have come to me and confirmed that THEY are being touched...THAT is God...and HIS mighty Word.  THAT is what HE has called us to do -- to glorify HIM with our lives, our actions...our speech...our being.  Praise HIM!  

God's Word today within Psalm  97 reminds me that  HE is God. 

HE is the Creator of the Universe and HE wins.  

10 is the number today -- Day #10.  10 is a number in the bible that means tests.  My own child has been reminding me of this, as 'this' month is #10 within a prayer cycle she has be commissioned to do.  She knows that she knows - and has been praying for a person within her life and THIS month is #10.  Her first weekend, her car broke down and she dealt with the struggle of getting it running again and there was a cost - $.  The second weekend, she ( and me ) dealt  with the loss of her puppy - her child.  Praise God, Elsa was found but there was a cost - $$ - reward money and I was the one that wrote that check, a cost.  This weekend?  She has looked at me over and over and asked, "what is next?".  I know that this weekend she has to LESSON PLAN with her dad....as school starts Monday and this is her official 'first year' start up and there has been plenty of stress and cost ( $) as well.  However...through it all - I have seen her get stressed, get frustrated, and cry  but never waiver in the fact that SHE KNOWS...HE is with her.   HE wins, HE rules, HE is God.  And I believe that, because she has been obedient -- even as the month continues  and even if next weekend there will be another 'test' or no test at all....GOD will win.  

So, now back to my sister in Christ - these past 10 days for her has brought MANY blessings and TESTS...and again - another test has surfaced within her family.  Again, I know that I know - GOD will prove faithful and GOD is orchestrating....so today, the prayer is VERY short and simple.  

Today's prayer:    

Lord God, thank you for being God.  Lord, continue to be GOD within my life.  I pray that NOTHING will get in the way of this and that as I continue to believe that YOU are moving, YOU are within the lives of my family and me...and that YOU will move the mountains -- I pray that I will hold steadfast and believe that YOU win.  In Jesus name, Amen.  

You will win...within my family - You will win..within my finances - You will win...within these tests - You will win...within the unexpected hurts and needs - You will win..and NO matter what - I won't fail as I have YOU within me.  Amen.  

Homework:   Go back to that first letter/assignment that you were to write on Day #1...read it again,  smile at WHAT God HAS done...think of your head and heart today....10 days into this 40 days...and then write another letter today!

Write what you are thankful for today. 

Write what you are concerned about today. 

Write what you desire today on that paper and then just smile, and believe that HE has his arms around you - and is smiling upon your beautiful face.  

Then as the day progresses...remind your brain that GOD is God...and HE will win!  

And I will see you in Church on Sunday and we will expect that - everything will be well.