Sister Wives, Love Boat, Zombie Remodel, and Me

Psalm 94 vs. 16-19 in the Message bible says:

Who stood up for me against the wicked?  Who took my side against evil workers?  If GOD had not been there fore me, I never would of made it.  The minute I said, " I 'm slipping, I'm falling, " your love, GOD , took hold and held me fast.  When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up. 

 The photo right here was snapped exactly 6 years ago.  May 12, 2010.

Today I had a bit of a wrestling match or a pity party with God.  Not with Jesus...God.  Let me explain.   And I pray I did not grieve Holy Spirit as I did. 

I know how significant this photo is. It was a night where my kids were trying to help me get a photo taken with my new I phone.  I had crossed  over.

  Six years ago, I also spent the afternoon watching a few children give their Tropicana Speeches and a good 90 minutes with my counselor --an intense session where  forgiveness was the topic and task.  That is what  God asks us to do  -- so why today did I wrestle with God?  

I am not sure.... probably because this life is HARD and I just needed to wrestle with God today! 

Maybe my activities this past weekend added to my thoughts and my wrestling today -- ??

This past weekend, I watched a bit of the Sister Wives drama.  I was intrigued- I admit.  There was scandal and rumor of an affair.  After an hour of watching interviews, fast forwarding through commercials and stupid stuff -- I came to this conclusion -- they need help and prayer!   I told Bren later on, all I kept hearing over and over was, "I am different now, I don't know what I  want, I just need to research what can make me happy, I felt...and I ...and I  and I ....".  There was so much of ME ME ME ME ME ..... and their needs, their desires and with each interview I found myself yelling at the TV -- YOU need Jesus!!  ( Lord, why am I watching this?)   Not that NBC or TLC would ask me, but each of those women need Jesus and a good dose of  Psalm 139.  They have such holes within their lives and hearts.  They have been deceived.   THE ONLY redeeming thing I got from that show was to hear the older children of these women ... they WON'T do the plural lifestyle...they have all decided -- they want ONLY one person to marry.

Praise God.    I thought about that  -- the joy I get from seeing my child enjoy her marriage and the joy I get from praying for my son's future wife and family -- I enjoy that.  These women  will watch and hear this over and over - how their children don't want to walk in their footsteps.  

I felt that spoke VOLUMES.         They will have to watch their children and their choices for all of their lives and be reminded that their children choose NOT to follow their example.  Sad.   There are many mixed up people.    There are many that need Jesus! 

 Love Boat, yep - life seemed much easier when that show was on every Saturday.  And Zombie Remodel is a new show my man and I have found -- kind of cool watching them fix up old homes in Orlando! Perhaps thats what I want from God ....a zombie remodel!!     Yes, Lord, take this 'sore' and old body and remake it -- new!!  Amen. 

So...there is my head and my thoughts --I do want some radical things around me to change.  


And then....


Who stood up for me against the wicked?  Who took my side against evil workers?  If GOD had not been there fore me, I never would of made it.  The minute I said, " I 'm slipping, I'm falling, " your love, GOD , took hold and held me fast.  When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up.  



Who stood up for me against the wicked?  God has -- HE won.  And right now, even though I am frustrated with some choices a few around me are making -- or have made....  He knows.  

God will stand up against the wicked for YOU too.....

Who took my side against evil workers?  God has.  God did.  6 years ago I made a conscious decision to sit with a therapist and put Satan in  a chair and tell him off.  I also placed other 'symbols' in that chair and I made a list of WHAT I need to forgive,   WHOM I  needed to forgive, and then I did it.  I  forgave and freedom was declared.  Now as I left her office to go home, I did not feel very different but I had made a choice to believe God.    I decided to 'faith it until I felt it'. 

God will take YOUR side as well -- but, is there unforgiveness that needs to be dealt with?  Is there anger that must be revolved? All  it takes at first is a cry to Him --

If GOD had not been there fore me, I never would of made it.  God reminded me today while I was wrestling with Him that He is not passive and HE is at work.  

 I  borrowed that thought or truth from Ps. James.  He reminded me of that this past Sunday.  God is continually pursuing His children.  I have been watching those around me and deciding whom should get a cattle prod zap and whom needs to get on their knees and that watching is NOT what He wanted me to do.  I had to repent the 'fixer' in me.    

God also reminded me that I must wait and be patient when it comes to this or that...and I have to have faith when it comes to this one or that one.  

Do you feel the same?  If it were NOT for Christ -- would you of made it?   Thank Him right now for what He has done and know -- He is not finished yet!!  

The minute I said, " I 'm slipping, I'm falling, " your love, GOD , took hold and held me fast.   God did that the minute I cried out back six years ago and He did that again today when I cried out.  I actually sent an email to my husband and asked him to pray for me. 

 Then God brought me a sweet precious sister in Christ where I could vent and through her, HE reminded me that when I slip -- He is there.  Whether I am bothered by a hang nail,   another's sad plight, or even the answer to a question that been prayed for ....now for over six months!!   Another sweet woman reminded me about Moses this past weekend and how God spoke to him and gave him an assignment and with that assignment, He reminded Moses that He was the I AM.  So therefore, the I AM knows my head and heart today and as I wrestled with God, HE knew the outcome.  He knew Jesus would be there to pick me up and He knew Holy Spirit would teach me to dig deep and believe -- not because of WHAT I have seen God already do, but because I know that I know -- God will provide, win , and that He is a good good father.  

I caught myself pleading with God, "Lord, I have been faithful - why can't you HURRY on this one prayer..." And as that precious sister reminded me -- "Michelle, I think He wants you to be still and wait".    Probably. 


If you are slipping and falling right now -- HE will meet you right where you are at!  Just call upon and call out to Him! 
 
 When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up. God did.  It is in those moments where I know -- my flesh wants to have a pity party and cry and yet my head and heart knows -- there is NO need cause God has delivered me and provided.    THAT is the wrestling....and I just need time for it to pass -- to call upon God.  And God will answer those prayers for those other women -- just like HE met me today.  I am human.  He knows.  


Lord,  there are several women today that are in dire stratights.  They need a miracle - yesterday.  Lord, they love you and You know them best.  Provide.  Lord, that each of them, seeking you will read Your word this eve and be able to say ..." I am slipping and I am falling".... That they would be able to journal or blog a WHOLE bunch of HOW you met them.  As Lord, I can't meet their needs -- ONLY You can.  Lord,  take this burden from me.  Lord,  that this frustration from me.  Lord, allow me to SEE the work of Your hands.  I will be Yours hands and feet, but in these moments where it seems like there is a stalemate or MORE crud is revealed  ...and it hurts my heart - give me the words to share from Your Word.  Give me the patience -- I know you have GIVEN me patience already but I need some EXTRA patience -- just send one more angel on my behalf to whisper in my ear -- I want to hear from You even more Lord.  I want to do Your will even more... I want that LOVE You have for all of me and others to spill out of me - to others.  Use me Lord.  

And Lord, for that one this eve that is ready to quit -- help her.  In Jesus name.  Amen.  
May she wrestle with You Lord like Jacob did -- and be changed forever.
Amen.  

Marriage prayers #10

Being married 10 years is a pretty BIG accomplishment.
Being married 20 is again - a major accomplishment.
Being married 30+ years -- is rare.
And so therefore celebrating a 40 year or 50 year anniversary is indeed a special event.


I got to thinking about the marriages that have some how ...remained steadfast and faithful...even up to 40+ years.


Why are so many failing?

Is it because we are in a 'disposable' generation right now?
Is it because divorce is too easy?
Is it because FB is where we get our affirmation?
Is it because we just don't want to get on our knees and wait on God?



Today's prayer is for THOSE marriages that have somehow escaped the 'crisis'.  Maybe they escaped intentionally and have been with God since Day 1.
Maybe they escaped cause Satan left them alone -- as he knew they were an 'easy prey'.
Maybe they escaped simply by the constant prayers of grandparents and parents...  only God knows.


Today  -- if your marriage is rocky or solid... this prayer is for yours.  

Lord, in your presence is where both of us want to be and need to be.  Lord,  you will judge the living and the dead - help me never to judge my man and allow him to have his own Jesus and his own Holy Spirit.  Lord, I can't be that for him.  Lord, help me to not preach the word to him and then live another way.  Lord, continue to show me wisdom through your word and as you show me great patience, help me to extend it.  Lord, for the day to day stuff..... I work too -- help him to see that I need help with supper with the kids..and with whatever..

Lord, help him to see that he is the other 1/2 of me and we are only united as one with HIM.  Lord, may neither of us turn from Your Word or what You are revealing to us.  May we both endure the HARD for the sake of Your Good.  Lord, may we keep our heads in all situations and do the work you have called us to do.  Lord, may we each be a poured out drink offering to each other.  

This photo has great significance for me, it was taken August 4, 2011 when we decided to give our marriage totally to God... house had sold and the awkwardness of reconciliation began -- But God...  BUT God Won! 

Lord, may I keep my mouth shut when needed.  May I show grace all the time and mercy all the time but mostly.....may I love him for WHO he is not WHAT I want him to be.  

Lord, this prayer is being written for ALL today and yet - it is my heart too...  Lord, for the desires of our hearts...for mine, for his... Lord, for our children, friends, and family - may we always be a light in the darkness.  Check us oh Lord, and reveal ANY sin.  Reveal any pride.   Lord, that I will be the help mate or help meet to my man, may he always look at me and see YOU in me.  But also Lord, may I look at him and see that sexy man I saw ...some 30 years ago that made my heart flutter -- the eros love...the agape love...each type Lord....  it comes from YOU.  

In Jesus name, amen.  

being HELD.....

  

Being  ...held......


Natalie Grant wrote this song called "Held" after a friend of hers lost a baby.  IT has circled the Christian Radio charts and I believe I have purchased her CD 2-3 times and given it to people when they have experienced the death of a child....it is comforting to know that God does HOLD us...we are being HELD.


 I did a little research on the word held..or hold.... The Dictionary says,  1.  to have or keep in the hand, keep fast, grasp.  2.  to set aside, to reserve or retain -- like to hold a reservation.  3.  to bear, sustain, or support as with hands or arms or by any other means.  4.  to keep them in a specified state, 'the preacher held them spellbound'. and 5.  to detain, the police held him at the station for questions. 

Held.....then I looked up some more info...The noun held means an act of holding...as a verb, it means to remain in or continue being held.....Did you know there is also definitions for ...
hold back....
hold down....
hold forth....
hold in.....
hold off....
get ahold of .....
hold one's own.....


Then 2 verses were found:  
   2 Thessalonians 2.15    So then brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter.

   1 Titus 1.9
  He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.

Then I found this:   the word HOLD with a capital "h" is found in 11 verses in our bible, 9 chapters, and 9 books.....that version is more of the noun hold....

I wanted to write down each verse, I will site a few of my favorite:

Judges 18.19     Nehemiah  8.11     Job   13.13
Psalms 17.5   Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not.
Psm  109. 1    Amos  6.10    Zephaniah 1.7
Mark 1.25     Luke 4.35       2Tim 1.13
Psalm 119.117   Hold thou  me up, and I will be safe; and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.

I stopped and pondered why those two verses really STUCK in me....I remember many times in my life when I would beg God to hold up my goings in thy path....and just HOLD me....up....

And in Psm. 119....hold thou me up...JUST HOLD ME UP...how many  times I begged and pleaded that on my behalf. 

How about you...are you begging God to hold you up?

 IF you are, let us stop right now:
Lord, for my sweet sister or for whomever is reading this.....they or she or he needs you ...hold them...hold them up.  Amen. 


Then I came across this.  The word HOLD with a capital H is there 11 times and the word hold with a lower case 'h' ......is in 167 verses...167 verses....49 chapters....35 books...I was astonded.

That is the verb hold !   an action!   God is holding us! 

I did not write down each verse but a few that spoke volumes to me.

One of my life verses:  Exodus 14.14    The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.
Psalm 139.10    Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
Proverbs 3.18  She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her and happy is every one that retaineth her.
Proverbs 4.13  Take fast hold of instruction, let her not go, keep her, for she is thy life.
Isaiah 41.13  For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, fear not, I will help thee.

That last verse...spoke life into me many times over the past six-seven  years.   I don't wish to bring up the past, but I have to share this one story...of HOW this verse spoke life back into me.

   My husband and I were separated.  Our son was headed to Louisiana for a soccer tournament and my husband was very kind and did not expect to travel with us, as he knew our time together was hard, very hard but after prayer, I knew,  he deserved to be able to attend and enjoy the soccer.  It had been a planned trip and Taylor was traveling with us.  Arrangements were made and our time together was difficult but "ok."

  WE spent a week together as a family and enjoy Hunter' team and their wins and their heartbreak loss on the last day.  The in between times were VERY hard, as sometimes I could only smile for so long and pretend for so long that all was well.  Each evening we would pick a restaurant and sit as a family  and each of us did a good job with keeping conversations 'right'.  Anyway, like I said, at times, it would just get too hard to bear and I would excuse myself and head to the ladies room.  At which I would get sick, either lose my lunch or supper or just spit up dry heaves and then look at myself in the mirror and hold my hand up in front of it and recite this verse.

Sometimes I would cry it out, sometimes I had to be very discrete, but I had to remind myself over and over that HE was holding my hand.  HE was going to get me through this and HE would make all things new.  HE did.   The Holy Spirit would take over.  I know this...NOW,  but then, I was literally grabbing onto the promises of God every 2-3 minutes.

 I would be able to wipe my tears, recompose myself and head back to the supper or dinner table and smile and just be thankful for the four of us - enjoying time together.   I was SUCH a good actress.  I had to be.

 It was a difficult week.  The kids and I shared a King sized bed and my husband  slept on the floor.  Many nights were spent in prayer as I could not sleep between two kids that literally tossed and turned as they slept and I would hold my arm up in front of my eyes and focus on my hand and recite that verse...and imagine that God was RIGHT there...holding me and being my RIGHT hand......it was a verse I came to paraphrase and repeat often.

Now, bear in mind...that may leave a sad taste in your mind about my husband ..but don't let it.  I want to tell you that for the past 2-3 years, I fall asleep each night in his arms...he holds me very tight and waits for me to wiggle out of his grip.  When I awake in the am, he must awake too as he will turn over and quickly grab me and hold me tight.

When he first began to do this, I would just lay there and think...."how long will this last?".  Then it continued and after a few months of expecting it to quit....I awoke one morning and I could hear the Holy Spirit remind me -- "THAT is how God has held you - TIGHT and now I am using your husband to remind you - God is still here."  

This am, that happened again.  And God reminded  me...'see....I continue to hold you...through him'....Brendan can be the person on earth that can show you physical love and hold you and remind you that YOU are deeply loved by the Father. 


I believe that.  That brought  even more healing to me today.  That made me smile....


Revelation 20.2
And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years.

Yep...God wins.  Period. 

Lord, I thank you so much, for holding me.
PS...don't let him stop....I still need it - daily...even though I know YOU can hold me without being here...and I know I am so loved without him holding me...I am just saying...it feels so so so good. 

Amen. 

I love  him Lord, but I know that I know, I love you more...there is a proper order now - amen.  And Lord, I thank you for our past -- as it has formed our destiny.  Amen.

- michelle

Expecting #29 -- Obedience - updated.

Ok, so I have been thinking all day about WHAT exactly the Holy Spirit wanted me to share about this topic and I believe it is just this....

BE obedient.

Let me explain:

Today, when I wrestled with God and the Holy Spirit - praying and communicating back and forth, I hit several DEAD ENDS.  Or ....well....I felt like I wanted to say, "I give up Lord! "

I am really tired and there is  a LONG list to pray for -- and many of them are failed relationships, marriages that need a miracle, or boyfriend /girlfriend stuff that needs to just STOP.   And I felt like I hit a 'wall'.  I no longer knew WHAT to say - WHAT to believe  ...as I wanted to just give up.

I prayed.   I worked.  I read.
I prayed in my Spirit - as THAT is what I know I am to do, according to Eph. 6.18.
I prayed more.  I veged out and watched some mindless TV, and then I headed to church.

Obedience....knowing that WHEN I need GOD and a fresh word  -- I can seek a community of believers that will LOVE on me, listen to me, and give me a new perspective.

Obedience -- heading to church, when I really would rather just vege on the couch and disappear.

Obedience -- reminding another sister in Christ that she can't change 'him' but can change herself.
Obedience -- being asked to help  and  then doing that to help serve.
Obedience -- when the Pastor stated he needed more volunteers to serve, I knew I was to go and connect with him ...no longer using the EXCUSE that I 'teach' all day and want to be 'fed' at church.  LOL

Obedience. Obedience brings rewards -- blessings.
You can see an obedient faithful warrior -- there is fruit.  Galatians and Ephesians.....

And I sought out a sweet sister in Christ and expressed my frustrations.  She listened.  She encouraged.
And basically -- WHEN WE TRY to figure out God...and when we try to HOLD God in a box...we are limiting God. As she stated, 'when it seems so impossible - THAT is when God swoops in and amazes us'....So I must wait - patiently, prayerfully, and believe that when a situation looks so hopelessly dim....HE is there and HE changes it!

I don't want to limit God.  But.... I found that in my spirit - I 'needed' to know -- or I wanted SOME good answers ....as my Pastor said this evening, "I want to WIN, God!"

I can look back at my own life and marriage and KNOW that God wins -- but I wanted it to WIN for her this eve.

I want her to feel less pain - I want her to see something within her husband that she does not see - and maybe just maybe, the love that is lost would be rekindled - I want him to FIGHT for her -- seek counsel - BE WILLING to change.... we all change ...we must be willing to change too -- I want her to understand and realize that she is allowing the pills to dictate her feelings - I want her to apologize - I want him to get caught and stop this insanity - I want them to seek counsel - I want her to believe in herself and not try to use others to get that affirmationI want them to be SO in LOVE with Jesus ..that they will WANT to seek Him...I want her to see the potential within herself and just drop all the crud and crap and be free of it...and just start over - I want her to hold on and yet...send his sorry butt to the cleaners and divorce him - yep - I said that -- I want ...I want ....I want....  can you hear the list within my conversation -- as my sweet sister In Christ stated, "we must lay it at the cross".    I apologized to God...as my 'need' or 'idol' to fix things and understand WHAT to do and WHEN is something that I can't do ....I MUST GIVE IT to GOD -- always.  
And then the song..."there is hope in front of me".  "I might be down but I 'm not dead".....HOPE....  OBEDIENCE -- as for each of those situations -- may each person involved and the ones I did not mention -- may they SEEK GOD and be OBEDIENT TO WHAT HE says to do....as THEN a blessing will come...rewards will flow....stuff will get fixed and healed....and stuff won't need to be prayed for -- as there will be answers...amen.  

Obedience, my Pastor reminded me the power is in my sword...HIS WORD that I have hidden within my heart.

Obedience -- I refer back to this often, but it is a mile marker -- a stone in the river... standing tall to remind me of HOW far we have come --  "I will not forsake you!"   "show grace and mercy" and " I can be trusted".

Obedience -- seeking God for EVERYTHING within His will.

Many continue to have problems with this word -- as it is pride.  When you can't submit to a Spiritual Authority and follow what a mentor or counsel has advised....  you are not being obedient. When you can't sit in a community of believers and place trust within your Pastor -- it is very hard  to trust God!

When you are asked to complete a task and it is not done ...you are not being obedient.


I want to be obedient.
I went to church this eve and fell in love with God all over again as I worshiped in song -- I felt HIS Presence mightily!
And of course - Ps. D came through with a word that cut to the core -- it is time to GROW UP!

I admire the fact that he is willing to be transparent -- God shines through his teaching -- but he also claimed the Word himself....we ALL must rise up and be HOLY...time is short.  "THIS is not a dress- rehearsal - we only get one life - grow up!"  

We are not in a dress rehearsal...we are in the LAST days.  We need to grow up  ( topic of tomorrow's blog ) and we must be a warrior -- weary warrior - ready for battle.

It is time for us to memorize HIS Word and hide it within our heart.
It is time to USE HIS Word to fight out battles.
It is time to make sure we have a daily bible reading plan or set time -- so that God is our priority!

Lord,  this is simple -- for ALL the couples I wanted ANSWERS for today -- they are at your feet.
You went to the Cross - You were obedient - we will follow Your lead as well.  I have NO clue Lord, should they stay or leave...should they seek divorce....or should they wait longer?    Lord, for all the boyfriends and girlfriends - may they remain pure and clean before you and take the necessary steps to work out of that stronghold!  And Lord, the new stuff and some of the old stuff that continues to float in and out of my FB account or  text messages.  BUT...I don't have to have the answers...I don't HAVE to hear from you - as I know YOU are here and YOU are helping. ( But throw me a new bone...I need some encouragement!)   Lord, I am tired...but I know that I know -- YOU are getting the glory or will GET the GLORY!   Lord, I trust you and I will obey in everything You ask of me.  I won't grow battle weary -- I will grow stronger!  - IN Jesus name, Amen.

Expecting #23 -- prayerfully walking not emotional walking....

Psalms 149.4  - The Lord delights in his people -- you -- he crowns the humble with victory. 

Ecclesiastes 7.9 - Control your temper; for anger labels you a fool.  

Galatians 5 The Message (MSG)

The Life of Freedom.5 Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.^4-6 I suspect you would never intend this, but this is what happens. When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit. For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love.^7-10 You were running superbly! Who cut in on you, deflecting you from the true course of obedience? This detour doesn’t come from the One who called you into the race in the first place. And please don’t toss this off as insignificant. It only takes a minute amount of yeast, you know, to permeate an entire loaf of bread. Deep down, the Master has given me confidence that you will not defect. But the one who is upsetting you, whoever he is, will bear the divine judgment.
^13-15 It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?^16-18 My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God’s Spirit. Then you won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don’t you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?^19-21 It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom.^22-23 But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

True freedom -- being able to walk in freedom and know that you know God has you in HIS hands --------------and no matter what -- HE will make things right.  

Prayerfully walking - rather than emotional walking in that freedom.  

Seeking help -- Seeking counsel.  

Coming under spiritual authority.

These are ALL phrases and thoughts spinning in my head right now.  On Monday the Holy Spirit awoke me and gave me a list of topics for this blog/prayer.  Tonight - the one needed -- is walking it out -- prayerfully.  

I can only speak of my own situation -- but when the Lord allowed a major heartache to be revealed, I sat back and got angry and mad.  And I had a few ugly months where I destroyed physical things and if you were close - you got an earful.  I spewed to some that I NEVER should of opened up to.   But I was VERY careful not to spew it out on Face Book or to ALL...I choose a few close friends.   Somehow I just knew...if my marriage would be restored - there would be much I would have to correct ...and if we did not make it through...no matter what -- that man was the father to my children.  I was NOT going to stand before God and have God look at me and say, "michelle, why did you NOT do what I asked?".  

That was the motivation for showing grace and mercy -- cause THAT is what God clearly had said to me.  

 God actually brought me a few new friends -- that knew NOTHING about me....and that was refreshing, as they always spoke life to me and about me...and about the person that was hurting me.  

I sought godly counsel -- and I listened and DID what they suggested - prayerfully.  When I did not want to -- I called them to pray. 

I also sought professional help - and I listened to WHAT she stated to do -- we both did.  It was hard....it was NOT easy ...it took over a year of counsel.  

Insanity is doing the SAME stuff over and over -- in a marriage that has been broken...in a marriage that has suffered a loss and in a marriage where vows were broken.... you can't put a band-aid on it.  You can't say 'I am sorry, and you are forgiven' and expect it to remain perfect.  There is a sweet spirit there -- and the Lord will cover you -- but HE asks us to change.....  

One piece of advice or thought process our Therapist stated and we quote often -- "an affair is a symptom"  of other problems.  Drinking and taking some drugs or pills to 'numb' the pain is a symptom of other problems and add that to a marriage....ouch.  

When we prayerfully walk out our healing with counsel - godly and professional - and we take the time to MAKE the necessary changes of our own behavior -- I believe we can see  and I  have seen restoration.  

When we allow our emotions to do the healing and the counseling...I have seen changes...but changes that did not last.  Changes that hurt. 

Humbly seek counsel....be willing to come under authority of a Pastor /Counselor and follow their suggestions.  And if it is not working...go back to that Counselor and seek God and that person....many times... it takes some major surgery to fix a problem.....  there is a cost....  we think nothing of the cost to run to an emergency room to get help....why not RUN to a therapist that CAN be a new set of eyes.... and allow them to help - change the habits.  

The bottom line is -- I don't think some people WANT change. 

I don't believe that some WANT to do the HARD. 

People want QUICK fixes...  God can do that- but many times ...it takes time.  

HIS timing is perfect.  

As I said, the Holy Spirit gave me 7 topics...to blog on over the next week.  Many of the women that have returned from the Encounter Weekend are in recovery ....there was Holy Surgery done -- and the Holy Spirit warned them...to only allow a few visitors for the first few hours...to guard their hearts and head - as Satan ( and he is real ) and his helpers would be seeking to KILL, STEAL, and DESTROY...and I have seen it happen....not only within those women that went to the Encounter...but others too...

.....but others who have been told to ...seek counsel....won't follow it....

....others who have been prayed over -- and given advice to take it slow...and yet..they decided to manipulate the situation...they decided all was well...and it was not....

God is the God of second chances...and God will heal a humbled heart...  HE crowns the humble.... but His word also says -- HE labels one that can't control their anger -- as a fool.  

God is just. 

God is love.....and God is good....but HE is just.  

Exodus 14.14 - says that HE will fight for you -- God will....we must let God fight our battles...

Love covers a multitude of sins... and we must always forgive.  

But we must also do the HARD.  

If the Lord, has released your from a relationship because of adultery...then let it be......

But if God has NOT released you -- DO what God says... You will stand before Him one day - and YOu will have to account for your actions...what will you say?  

Lord....use these words this eve...I pray YOU will be glorified.  

In Jesus name...amen.  

- Humbled...

Grateful...and expecting that tomorrow -- one will do the HARD and  not allow the emotional walking...but will be prayerful and seek help - real help and do the HARD.   Or one will probably allow the enemy to tell her more lies -- and she will blame the accused or even me....but I know that I know - these words spoke truth.  God knows the desire of my heart - to speak life and encourage...

The hardest part is when 'the one' does not see that - and the spewing falls back upon me -- that is when I proclaim over and over -- Exodus 14.14 -- God is fighting for me - I need only be still -- and quiet too..  

Amen.  

Expecting #21 - WE won't be attacked. 27 women!

27 women were embraced with Robes of royal purple.  I can see  them all --  it was a dream that came true -- 

    ---- beautiful woman,   walking in GRACE and slow -- very methodical -- towards.... heaven and their  destiny, but "her" head was held high and  she KNEW where she was going, and she knew that THIS is the time...and she was fully aware of WHAT she was getting into and she continued to go forward.  

I remember the Story of Ester.  Here is a recap of that Book in the Bible:  

Esther was a young, beautiful, Jewish woman living in Persia. She was unknowingly thrust into one of the greatest stories of all time, due to a very strange turn of events. Esther proved to be a woman of unusual wisdom and courage, facing adversity and wickedness with a quiet confidence and grace. While God is not directly mentioned in this book, His hand and perfect timing are seen in every turn of events. 

Then her story can teach us some lessons:  

Esther saved the Jews. Her life can teach us several vital lessons

1. There is a preparation time.
She allowed herself to be prepared for the task. God's preparation time can sometimes be long and uneventful. Moses spent 40 years in the desert looking after sheep before coming to deliver the Israelites. The refining of our characters is very essential to God's plan for our life. God cannot use a proud woman (or man).

I believe there was a season in my life where GOD prepared me.  HE changed the way I felt about Him and myself and then, when I was ready -- HE did allow some revelation and I know that I know that my 'time' was THEN to walk with HIM and walk in faith and learn to TRUST God.  

I believe these 27 women clearly gained their freedom because the leadership team DID bathe this in prayer ...we decided that   this had to be bathed in prayer, prayer over the ladies, their rooms, their group assignments and even throughout the entire weekend, prayer always went before the session or teaching. 

I remember another friend that was in a battle for her daughter's life.  Her daughter was gripped with an eating stronghold and even the pediatrician told her - that the daughter would probably not 'survive' the disorder.  But...that mom KNEW - SHE knew GOD WAS able and she continued in prayer and guess what -- God did -- that young woman is a warrior for HIM!   God heals.  

2. We need the favour of God.
Esther found favour with the King and so did Mordecai. Even Jesus grew in favour with God and man (Luke 2:52). When you live a life pleasing to God, by obeying His will you will find favour with Him. God will also give you favour with people.

I have had people come to me and say, "pray for me as YOUR prayers are heard".  God hears each and every prayer.  We do need God's favor and it comes with our obedience.   The key is living a life pleasing to God.  I believe many times we give up or give in ....right before the blessing comes.  And so often, we give up or give in cause God does N OT seem to be moving in our timeline - and we get impatient.  God's timing does seem slow, but trusting it -- brings favor.  

I believe these women have  God's favor...each one  is walking in it.  

3. God works in His own time and season.
Esther got her timing right. Maybe God has put it on your heart to do something for Him. Don't just jump into it but wait for his time. Joseph was in jail until it was God's time for him to be released. God will move in His time when we remain faithful and alert to His leading.

Another lesson from Ester on God's timing.....it does seem like God is really trying to TEACH us something.  I believe there is a woman reading this tonight -- and right now, she knows that God is telling her -- NOW is the time...

Maybe NOW is the time to fast and pray for a specific child that  is lost or mixed up in sin...

Maybe NOW is the time for you to sit next to a friend who is in a storm and just PRAY with her...

Maybe NOW is the time to get off your butt...and DO something....for HIM...instead of expecting God to lay it all before you...

Maybe NOW is the time to actually pray and seek counsel on something or a stronghold that has plagued you for FAR too long...

Maybe NOW is the time to go to church - find one...worship one...and maybe ask yourself, "does God know me?"...

Maybe NOW is the time to give and extend forgiveness...

Maybe NOW is the appointed time for restoration within a part of your family...

Maybe NOW is the appointed time...

But I know some 27 women that WOULD tell you --  GOD does heal a broken heart...GOD does show you HOW to walk in your freedom and GOD meets YOU right where you are and as each day passes...these women will probably tell you - THEY LOVE God more than they ever have......  

But you can ask one of them....

4. Your background does not hinder your future with God.
Esther was an orphan. God still exalted her and used her. Some of Jesus' disciples were fishermen, tax collectors and one was a doctor. Your background does not determine what God can do with you. Your faith does.

I did a bible study on Ester with Beth Moore.  A major part of the study is taking a look at 'our past' and that it has BROUGHT us to this point - here and now.  Our past was our destiny.  Our past did shape our future -- but it never has to dictate it.  

God has allowed experiences within out lives -- as we walk through it with HIM...we can then, do that for another and help another walk through the pain of..... a death....a betrayal....a rejection....

God gave each women the courage to share with some of us --their past...and yet.. now...IT NO longer is a stronghold for them...they are FREE!

God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary -- our faith creates miracles!  
There were 27 ordinary women that were already EXTRAORDINARY last Friday at the beginning our Our God Encounter Weekend...but NOW they BELIEVE they are!!   amen.  

And I get to WATCH and see the EXTRAORDINARY take place....it already has in many lives!  

There is NOTHING God can't heal, restore, or redeem.

There is NOTHING that can separate the love HE has for us -- expect maybe us....

Are you in a season like Ester was?   Is now the time to step it up -- and help SAVE a child or friend around you?

Only You and God know the answer to that --

If Ester had NOT spoken up when she did  -- what would of happened?

She saved a people....

Who have you helped God to save today?

I bet if you know one of those 27 women....they will change your thoughts today....

- humbled, Michelle

Yesterday -- was DAy #20....  I was SO physically EXHAUSTED from our wonderful weekend that all I could do was pray a simple prayer and then hit my pillow -- but you know what -- GOD knew...and GOD honored  that prayer .....and today --  today is another day in HIS presence....and HE will guide and direct.

Today I am blessed with "Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, My soul clings to you: your right hand upholds me."  - Psalm 63: 7-8

 Homework:   Thank God for ALL that transpired this past weekend or today - give thanks! 

Expecting #9 TGIF

Very simple today - I am EXHAUSTED.....and God knows.
I am tired....and God knows.
God knows my heart..my hurts...my wants...and my needs....and HE knows YOURS too.
Amen.

Simple prayer.
And when I am extremely tired or maybe the words just won't come -- I use my prayer language but I also will rely on my childhood and recite a familiar loved prayer that I had to say each day in school.

The Catholic in me rings true and it gives me joy, comfort, and peace to know -- that HE wrote this - and it is powerful.


So:

Our Father in heaven,    may your name be kept holy.¹⁰ May your Kingdom come soon.May your will be done on earth,    as it is in heaven.¹¹ Give us today the food we need,^[a]12 and forgive us our sins,    as we have forgiven those who sin against us.¹³ And don’t let us yield to temptation,^[b]    but rescue us from the evil one.^[c]14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. 

And Lord.... thank you for WHAT you have done...WHAT you will do and I remember those women and children and families.... wanting peace over seas...GOD move...protect and I praise and honor you...and for my BB.....GOD  thank you for the blessed answers and continue to show her and her loved ones - YOU WIN.  Amen.  

me...