Faith over Feelings - Blog Prayer #38 -- Today.

 This one will be LONG.  Just letting you know.  You will need some coffee of caffeine of some sort.  This is #38. 

 I started this Faith over Feelings series back in June of LAST year.   Little did I think it would take me a YEAR to truly get through this series.  Writing about FAITH over FEAR.   But, God has me here.   It has been a YEAR of FAITH over FEAR.  

I blog.  I  have blogged much, most of my blogs came about because of therapy.   I found myself alone - a lot.  I had "NO one" to talk with.  So I blogged.   Now my life is so different.  And I still hear from God and want to blog and talk ...but HE has me in a different season. 

I miss that.  Blogging.  But, I know that we ebb and flow in seasons.  And, God created me to be a writer and HE will use my voice when HE wants.   However, I am, or my flesh is determined to FINISH this 40 days or blogged prayers -- sooner than later.  I  just am.  

I feel or believe another reason why it has been a SLOW season of writing is that when God moves -- HE can move FAST, but often in my life, it is a SLOW process.  I am learning to be slower and taking the time to listen rather than get that quick answer.  

Today, Holy Spirit awoke me - writing a letter to another in my head.  There I was writing again.  But that letter will wait, for HIS timing, today -- this photo was like a flashing LIGHT in my head and my heart.  Whose  children are those?

 THOSE are two kids.  Two young adults that had NO clue.  NO clue of what they would walk through...no clue of what they'd be ask to do...no clue of HOW God truly loved them.   No clue of God's power and authority.  

I marvel -- 33 years. 

 My heart breaks as a few very dear ones  around me are mourning and grieving their marriages.   Some will read this and wonder, will my marriage survive this?  Others will read this and relate -- as they are in a season now where they are asking themselves as well..."How did we do this?".  

As far as those close around me who are in a hard marriage or in the process of a divorce,  I have prayed for miracles and I have asked God to give me insight...as if "I" could help -- but, God knows best. 

 Why we survived a major earthquake - is by the GRACE and WILL of God.  I know, it was a miracle.  I KNEW HE placed a love and thought in my head that I HELD onto.  I would not give up.  But, I also believe it took faith over fear.  

Today, I am playing on REPEAT --a  Kutlass's song -- " THAT is what FAITH can do".  I have played and sang that song SO much that I can literally get MUCH work accomplished and sing at the same time.  About every hour, I break down in tears and recall a few times this song was literally my lifeline and then I go back to punching some numbers on a computer screen -- ( my weekend job ). 

 God moves through HIS Word and HIS music -- worship music.    

THOSE two kids in that photo - had NO clue of HOW much God would allow nor, what GOD would do -- "even when we fall.... we will have the strength to rise".

Today, I wanted to blog and remind the one reading this - that GOD sees you.  He is the God that sees.  El Roi -- the God who sees.  HE knows.  HE has seen your heartache and the new news of pain.  He knows what you must do today - what you must confess and He knows HOW it will go down.  And HE is faithful.  THERE is no fear that when we walk in obedience to HIM -- even when it looks like it has all failed -- HE will still win.  

"Impossible is not a word.  It is just a reason for someone not to try."

• I want to remind you TODAY,   God takes the initiative by causing us to WANT to pray or for us to NEED to pray. 
• I want to remind you TODAY,  the Holy Spirit takes the WORD of GOD and reveals it to you and God's will. 
• I want to remind you TODAY, that as we pray in the Spirit - we pray in agreement with God's will.  
• I want to remind you TODAY,   we must then ADJUST our lives to that truth. 
• I want to remind you TODAY,   we look for and listen for confirmation for our decisions and directions from the Bible, our circumstances, and the body of Christ - other believers.  
• I want to remind you TODAY ...THEN  YOU obey. 
• I want to remind you TODAY,  God will work through you today to accomplish HIS purposes.  
• And finally - I want to remind you TODAY that YOU will experience God as you pray and communicate with Him. 
• Remember, God does not NEED you to pray -- that is our way to have communication with Him. 

Phil 2:13 

"It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

John 16.13

"He will not speak on his own: he will speak only what he hears, and he will tel you what is yet to come." 

John 10.4

"When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice." 

Today I am most thankful for the prayer warriors that spoke into me, for the body of believers that prayed for us.  I am thankful for family that accepted and loved from afar, but mostly for God's timing and I know that I obeyed.  I can't put my finger on the exact formula -- as I have watched many obey and fight for their marriage and it did not end the same way.  God knows those hearts and those circumstances and I don't credit ANYTHING that I did - it was ALL GOD. 

God did answer my prayers and HE gets the glory and THAT has increased my faith.  My faith to pray for another and encourage another to HOLD on and GIVE God the time .....the time needed to change your ( my heart) and then the other.  

Faith over fear.  

I was reminded today of a Word of Knowledge that was given to a prayer warrior on my or our behalf.  God orchestrated it.  This man - his name is Morris, saw me and saw or knew what had transpired in my marriage.  I was at his church on a Sunday night.   He also was given a picture or vision.  He inquired to the people I was attending church with and shared what God had showed him  about me.  

 He is a sailor - a ship captain.  He saw a  braided chord.  A BIG rope on a boat that had been severed.  With frayed edges and it was no longer ONE chord.  So, he asked God, "what  does this mean and what is she to do?."   God replied to him "well, you know how to repair it or she can get a new rope".  

He  shared this with me, several weeks later.  After I had decided to wait out my marriage and believe for a miracle.  I had decided not to get a new rope.  So  Morris shared with me, " Michelle,  now you know that it will take a lot of work, you have to recut each end and it will take time but if you repair it correctly and mend this chord -- it will NEVER break there again".  

In preparing for writing this, I googled a few things and watched a video of "HOW" to repair a broken rope/chord.  There is cutting and burning... interesting.  Both Bren and I were cut, we have had to cut away some of the old and broken pieces and frayed edges.  And there is burning... fire.  Interesting in that too - I think of the fire of God - right away.  Beauty from ashes.  WHAT comes after a burning of woods or a place -- new growth.  ???  !!!   Anyhow, today that end part of the Word of Knowledge -- "it will NEVER break there again- if it was mended correctly."  

BAM - Truth.  WOW.  

THOSE kids in that photo had NO clue -- BUT God still won.  GOD knew.  

With that -- may this just bless you and remind you that  -- nothing is impossible with God.  

Lord, thank you for this inspired word and insight.  Lord, you know I must give credit for some of this to my present BIBLE study - Experiencing God - unit 5 -- has WRECKED me in a good way.  Lord, for the one or many reading this today that took the time, I pray it would inspire them to believe and get closer to YOU.  Lord for the marriages that are hurting right now  - especially those close to me.  Lord, for the marriage that is dissolving right now, Lord - lead and guide.  Lord, for our Nation and all of this trouble - the birth pains of the end.  As a mother in labor says.. and feels..."it is getting closer"... I believe YOUR return is getting closer.  May we be the witness of your LOVE and MERCY to those fearful around us... especially me Lord, may I be an instrument of YOUR peace - thank you for the 33 years of marriage and for my man.  I DO love him and trust him more than I could of ever  of imagined when we walked into that church back in 1987 -- with that BIG hair and Jessica McClintock dress and that BLACK tux... OH he is still as cute!   Lord, bless us and may our story give another the hope to fight it out -- as on the other side of that mended chord -- it is good.  REAL good.  IJN  Amen.  

Sister Wives, Love Boat, Zombie Remodel, and Me

Psalm 94 vs. 16-19 in the Message bible says:

Who stood up for me against the wicked?  Who took my side against evil workers?  If GOD had not been there fore me, I never would of made it.  The minute I said, " I 'm slipping, I'm falling, " your love, GOD , took hold and held me fast.  When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up. 

 The photo right here was snapped exactly 6 years ago.  May 12, 2010.

Today I had a bit of a wrestling match or a pity party with God.  Not with Jesus...God.  Let me explain.   And I pray I did not grieve Holy Spirit as I did. 

I know how significant this photo is. It was a night where my kids were trying to help me get a photo taken with my new I phone.  I had crossed  over.

  Six years ago, I also spent the afternoon watching a few children give their Tropicana Speeches and a good 90 minutes with my counselor --an intense session where  forgiveness was the topic and task.  That is what  God asks us to do  -- so why today did I wrestle with God?  

I am not sure.... probably because this life is HARD and I just needed to wrestle with God today! 

Maybe my activities this past weekend added to my thoughts and my wrestling today -- ??

This past weekend, I watched a bit of the Sister Wives drama.  I was intrigued- I admit.  There was scandal and rumor of an affair.  After an hour of watching interviews, fast forwarding through commercials and stupid stuff -- I came to this conclusion -- they need help and prayer!   I told Bren later on, all I kept hearing over and over was, "I am different now, I don't know what I  want, I just need to research what can make me happy, I felt...and I ...and I  and I ....".  There was so much of ME ME ME ME ME ..... and their needs, their desires and with each interview I found myself yelling at the TV -- YOU need Jesus!!  ( Lord, why am I watching this?)   Not that NBC or TLC would ask me, but each of those women need Jesus and a good dose of  Psalm 139.  They have such holes within their lives and hearts.  They have been deceived.   THE ONLY redeeming thing I got from that show was to hear the older children of these women ... they WON'T do the plural lifestyle...they have all decided -- they want ONLY one person to marry.

Praise God.    I thought about that  -- the joy I get from seeing my child enjoy her marriage and the joy I get from praying for my son's future wife and family -- I enjoy that.  These women  will watch and hear this over and over - how their children don't want to walk in their footsteps.  

I felt that spoke VOLUMES.         They will have to watch their children and their choices for all of their lives and be reminded that their children choose NOT to follow their example.  Sad.   There are many mixed up people.    There are many that need Jesus! 

 Love Boat, yep - life seemed much easier when that show was on every Saturday.  And Zombie Remodel is a new show my man and I have found -- kind of cool watching them fix up old homes in Orlando! Perhaps thats what I want from God ....a zombie remodel!!     Yes, Lord, take this 'sore' and old body and remake it -- new!!  Amen. 

So...there is my head and my thoughts --I do want some radical things around me to change.  


And then....


Who stood up for me against the wicked?  Who took my side against evil workers?  If GOD had not been there fore me, I never would of made it.  The minute I said, " I 'm slipping, I'm falling, " your love, GOD , took hold and held me fast.  When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up.  



Who stood up for me against the wicked?  God has -- HE won.  And right now, even though I am frustrated with some choices a few around me are making -- or have made....  He knows.  

God will stand up against the wicked for YOU too.....

Who took my side against evil workers?  God has.  God did.  6 years ago I made a conscious decision to sit with a therapist and put Satan in  a chair and tell him off.  I also placed other 'symbols' in that chair and I made a list of WHAT I need to forgive,   WHOM I  needed to forgive, and then I did it.  I  forgave and freedom was declared.  Now as I left her office to go home, I did not feel very different but I had made a choice to believe God.    I decided to 'faith it until I felt it'. 

God will take YOUR side as well -- but, is there unforgiveness that needs to be dealt with?  Is there anger that must be revolved? All  it takes at first is a cry to Him --

If GOD had not been there fore me, I never would of made it.  God reminded me today while I was wrestling with Him that He is not passive and HE is at work.  

 I  borrowed that thought or truth from Ps. James.  He reminded me of that this past Sunday.  God is continually pursuing His children.  I have been watching those around me and deciding whom should get a cattle prod zap and whom needs to get on their knees and that watching is NOT what He wanted me to do.  I had to repent the 'fixer' in me.    

God also reminded me that I must wait and be patient when it comes to this or that...and I have to have faith when it comes to this one or that one.  

Do you feel the same?  If it were NOT for Christ -- would you of made it?   Thank Him right now for what He has done and know -- He is not finished yet!!  

The minute I said, " I 'm slipping, I'm falling, " your love, GOD , took hold and held me fast.   God did that the minute I cried out back six years ago and He did that again today when I cried out.  I actually sent an email to my husband and asked him to pray for me. 

 Then God brought me a sweet precious sister in Christ where I could vent and through her, HE reminded me that when I slip -- He is there.  Whether I am bothered by a hang nail,   another's sad plight, or even the answer to a question that been prayed for ....now for over six months!!   Another sweet woman reminded me about Moses this past weekend and how God spoke to him and gave him an assignment and with that assignment, He reminded Moses that He was the I AM.  So therefore, the I AM knows my head and heart today and as I wrestled with God, HE knew the outcome.  He knew Jesus would be there to pick me up and He knew Holy Spirit would teach me to dig deep and believe -- not because of WHAT I have seen God already do, but because I know that I know -- God will provide, win , and that He is a good good father.  

I caught myself pleading with God, "Lord, I have been faithful - why can't you HURRY on this one prayer..." And as that precious sister reminded me -- "Michelle, I think He wants you to be still and wait".    Probably. 


If you are slipping and falling right now -- HE will meet you right where you are at!  Just call upon and call out to Him! 
 
 When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up. God did.  It is in those moments where I know -- my flesh wants to have a pity party and cry and yet my head and heart knows -- there is NO need cause God has delivered me and provided.    THAT is the wrestling....and I just need time for it to pass -- to call upon God.  And God will answer those prayers for those other women -- just like HE met me today.  I am human.  He knows.  


Lord,  there are several women today that are in dire stratights.  They need a miracle - yesterday.  Lord, they love you and You know them best.  Provide.  Lord, that each of them, seeking you will read Your word this eve and be able to say ..." I am slipping and I am falling".... That they would be able to journal or blog a WHOLE bunch of HOW you met them.  As Lord, I can't meet their needs -- ONLY You can.  Lord,  take this burden from me.  Lord,  that this frustration from me.  Lord, allow me to SEE the work of Your hands.  I will be Yours hands and feet, but in these moments where it seems like there is a stalemate or MORE crud is revealed  ...and it hurts my heart - give me the words to share from Your Word.  Give me the patience -- I know you have GIVEN me patience already but I need some EXTRA patience -- just send one more angel on my behalf to whisper in my ear -- I want to hear from You even more Lord.  I want to do Your will even more... I want that LOVE You have for all of me and others to spill out of me - to others.  Use me Lord.  

And Lord, for that one this eve that is ready to quit -- help her.  In Jesus name.  Amen.  
May she wrestle with You Lord like Jacob did -- and be changed forever.
Amen.  

Marriage prayers #12

 What story am I writing that won't be forgotten?
In a recent bible study -- the question was proposed -- who would I ask to COME see me if I knew my time on this earth was about to end?  

Whom would I want to have lunch with?
Who would I want to spend time with?    Not to be morbid...   but, how would your life change if you knew......that it was ending soon?

  I pray my children can  see and repeat my best qualities and I pray that they will be examples of Christ and I hope and pray they SAW Christ within me....  that would be answer to prayer. 

I think I know WHO I would want to see and share a meal with.  And I pray that I would want to MEND any relationship that was out of sorts.

And, the story of Esther in God's Bible is a story that continues to intrigue me and guide me.  
Almost a year ago, I was doing the Esther bible study and as we walked through the study, the author wrote and taught about different situations that cause a bit of growing in our lives. 

In the story of Ester......

Ester was  an orphan.  Her parents had died.  We don't know exactly how or why, but she was raised by her cousin, a male cousin.  The book of Ester shows a vital perspective on the providence of God.  Ester was sustained.... raised by Mordecai.  He was a Jewish man, but in  exile within the people at that time ...as the Jews had basically blended in to the woodwork.  And then Ester, saved her people.  In Persia, Ester means STAR....she certainly became a star to the Jewish people. 

Ester had 'another woman' in the shadows.  


"it is hard being a woman in another woman's shadow" -- Ester was being primed and readied to be the next Queen as the Queen before her -- probably LOST her head!

There was always  the notion that she was one of MANY wives and Queens for the King.  I stopped to think about that.   Currently I am doing a 'so long insecurity' bible /book study and reading about and dealing with our own insecurities.

So, Esther HAD to of dealt with INSECURITY....   However, 

Ester certainly left a mark on our world.  

I thought today about the 'other woman' within the lives of the people who read this...

...who is within your life right now that is affecting your walk with Christ? 
Is it a wayward daughter? 
Is it a daughter living in outright sin and not ashamed of it?
It is a mother or mother - n - law with such unforgivness that you hurt?
Is it  a child that has gone onto heaven before you?

Is it a woman that has decided to interject her thoughts, actions, and reactions into you life?
Is it a woman that has brought circumstances to full circle?

It is  a past sin that continues to haunt you - could You be the other woman in anorther's life? 
It is a past circumstance that you have not dealt with?

Perhaps it is hard to be a woman with the shadow of a former wife lurking within your marriage?
Is it the shadow of rejection, hurt, and fear? 

It is a newborn baby that has taken over your heart and focus that everything else and everyone else has taken a back seat ...?  Including the Lord?

Who or What is that other woman or what is that other thing that is keeping YOU from totally trusting God or believing in God?   


"Lord, today was a hard day....  I feel so alone and unloved.  Unwanted.  But God....  I will trust in You - move the mountain or move me."
 I wrote that comment -- over 6 years ago in my journal. 
I read that this evening and that thought of it can easily TAKE me back to the night I wrote that in my journal. 







Did Esther feel unwanted? 

Do you feel unwanted?  


Tonight's marriage prayer is for you --











 
Lord -- I know others have felt like I have.  Lord, I know there are ones reading this  blog tonight and relating ....they feel unwanted and alone.   Lord, there are ones that are hurting so terribly because of wayward children and situations.  And Lord, there is one that simply wants to DO your will, but needs clarity to know, what is in front of her - IS YOUR will! 

So Lord, speak to each one -- answer, show them the wonders of Your Majesty.   Lord,  touch each one of them reading this in the PLACE where ONLY you can reach.  And Lord, for the one who found out this evening -- there is another woman.......  GOD, I pray she hears from you, she trusts you, she seeks godly counsel, and she knows WHAT You would have her do.   Lord, direct her my way if THAT is Your will...


Lord, for all the unwanted and lonely wives our there - I know THIS Is not your will for them -- but I pray they will SEEK you and FIND Your will....and walk through WHAT You are asking -- so that they can GET to the other side.   Lord, move the mountain in their lives...or move them!

IN Jesus name - Amen


- humbled. 

Marriage Prayers #11 - In the meantime.... in the GOD time...

  So,  what do you do when your husband is in sin?  
What do you do when your man is unyoked  with you and God? 
What do you do when your man is just OUT Of relationship with his heavenly Father and you?  
What do you do when you know YOU can't go on any  further but God has asked you to HANG in there baby? 

You are still --

 He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."  Psalm 46.10

You wait on God --

 Psalms 27:13-14   I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

You pray ---


I believe you STAY quiet -- and you Let God move the mountain.

So.

I will be brief, but there was a time within the timeline of the journey to reconciliation and healing with my husband.  We were separated but I knew God has asked me to be quiet and "let him see me smile - no more crying".     I can't really explain HOW I heard that.   I just knew it.  It was placed into my thoughts by the Holy Spirit and then confirmed by several - my counselor, my bible...and finally at the Pregnancy Gala as I spoke to Mrs. Tebow and I knew.  I got with one of my praying partners afterwards and told her -- with tears.."he has to see my happy".  "he has to see I have Jesus".

Anyway, it was hard.  God had placed that thought in me three weeks prior to that fateful night and I knew.  But then WALKING in that - is the harder part.

So, I got busy in some  'projects'.
I showed up at church all the time when it was open.
I went to a small group - faithfully.
I began a small group - faithfully.
I stayed focused on God and my kids and allowed the Holy Spirit to convict and convince my wayward husband.

I saw wayward - cause at THAT time...that was the ONLY way I could explain the 'why'.  As to WHY would he not want his family?
WHY did he believe that life away from us was better?
WHY?

I know why now....Satan - but that is another blog.

So,  let me give you a bit of advice as to HOW to get a project....

READ from  2 Timothy 4: 1-22.
Take some time to read that.
 I trust and know HS will have you highlight MANY phrases and so forth as you read this a few times.

 ^1-2 I can’t impress this on you too strongly. God is looking over your shoulder. Christ himself is the Judge, with the final say on everyone, living and dead. He is about to break into the open with his rule, so proclaim the Message with intensity; keep on your watch. Challenge, warn, and urge your people. Don’t ever quit. Just keep it simple.

^3-5 You’re going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food—catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They’ll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you—keep your eye on what you’re doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God’s servant.

^6-8 You take over. I’m about to die, my life an offering on God’s altar. This is the only race worth running. I’ve run hard right to the finish, believed all the way. All that’s left now is the shouting—God’s applause! Depend on it, he’s an honest judge. He’ll do right not only by me, but by everyone eager for his coming.

^9-13 Get here as fast as you can. Demas, chasing fads, went off to Thessalonica and left me here. Crescens is in Galatia province, Titus in Dalmatia. Luke is the only one here with me. Bring Mark with you; he’ll be my right-hand man since I’m sending Tychicus to Ephesus. Bring the winter coat I left in Troas with Carpus; also the books and parchment notebooks.

^14-15 Watch out for Alexander the coppersmith. Fiercely opposed to our Message, he caused no end of trouble. God will give him what he’s got coming.

^16-18 At my preliminary hearing no one stood by me. They all ran like scared rabbits. But it doesn’t matter—the Master stood by me and helped me spread the Message loud and clear to those who had never heard it. I was snatched from the jaws of the lion! God’s looking after me, keeping me safe in the kingdom of heaven. All praise to him, praise forever! Oh, yes!

^19-20 Say hello to Priscilla and Aquila; also, the family of Onesiphorus. Erastus stayed behind in Corinth. I had to leave Trophimus sick in Miletus.

²¹ Try hard to get here before winter.

Eubulus, Pudens, Linus, Claudia, and all your friends here send greetings.

²² God be with you. Grace be with you.

Paul wrote this -- very near the END of his death. Can you imagine what would come out of your mouth if you knew your end was near? What would you say? What would you do. Please don't think or take ANY offense to this or allow the enemy to tell you that your end is near...but think.

Think.

Then read Colossians 4.17 "see to it that you complete the ministry you have received in the Lord"... God is going to do what HE is going to do -- but He has asked all of us to do our ministry as well.

 And look at Philippians 2.17... "even if I am poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you".
So even if I am being persecuted... I will rejoice.

So it is time to ask God what YOU can do with HIM while you wait on HIM changing that man of yours.   Take the hands off the problem and release your man to HIM.

Here are some points to consider in asking God about a project:

1. Adopt a succinct life goal.

 My goal, "to hear well done and atta girl from my Lord -- to be Jesus to the ones around me and to help set the captives free".

2. Acquire the appropriate tools.

 My tools -- I GO to where God is moving. I use my ARMOR and I am in MY Word. And... I stay connected and on my knees.

3. Endure the HARD for the sake of the good.


I endure -- I have endured and having a project or a goal helped to pass the time away and I was not so focused on my own problems but on others....  God worked through the girls I met with each Tuesday night!


READ Acts 20: 22-24 -- and note...Paul says, "he would consider his life worth nothing if he finished the race and did not include you"... we must be a part of community.
We can't get around it - we must have relationships with others -- our community.

4.  Embrace the necessity and complexity of community.

Don't be so afraid that you can't deal with your past. 

You need to be attending a church where the bible is preached, souls are being won, and there is FRUIT.  You must not forsake the assembling of yourselfves with the body.  

 Get in a local church!  

Get involved.  

So now - LORD...  for the marriage that is in a crisis...give her strength to HOLD her tongue and totally surrender him to YOU.  Allow her the insight and knowledge to know - YOU are fighting for her and that YOU will win.  Help her to stay quiet.  Provide for her and the kids. 
Show here were you want her to SOW right now....  and give her the means to start. 

Lord, for the one who has had so much church hurt -- that she is paralyzed in her own bed.  She has been kept at bay for too long....  may she RISE up, rebuke the enemy and come alive again and BE in that church body - THIS Sunday... as SHE is needed in this world to stand strong and teach...love on others ...and be filled.   NO man is an island..... 

Lord, impress upon her -- 'she can't do this church thing in her home anymore'.  Lord, impress upon her so her sides ache...  show her she MUCH embrace the community YOU have placed her with -- not to run cause of a 'man' that disappointed her or cause of the 'men' that did....  Lord,  our time is short.  My heart ACHES cause I know that I know - where she needs to be.  BUT she won't listen to me Lord...  this has to be YOU and her. 

Lord, for the other -- she needs strength as he gives her ultimatums - Lord, that she would be still and allow silence to speak for her.  Lord,  she has released him, now I pray she does not pick him back up.  He must fall Lord...as we have prayed....do what is necessary Lord to open those eyes but don't kill him...but also, prepare her as to WHAT to do when he falls.... 

Lord, I know that a steadfast heart and faith can create miracles.   I know Your love covers a multitude  of sins.  Lord, I also pray that these husbands would hear you say, "you are forgiven but GO and sin no more".     BIG prayers God -- YOU are a BIG Lord.   Big dreams...but I know that I know - YOU can fulfill them.  IN Jesus most precious and holy name - amen. 

Marriage prayers #10

Being married 10 years is a pretty BIG accomplishment.
Being married 20 is again - a major accomplishment.
Being married 30+ years -- is rare.
And so therefore celebrating a 40 year or 50 year anniversary is indeed a special event.


I got to thinking about the marriages that have some how ...remained steadfast and faithful...even up to 40+ years.


Why are so many failing?

Is it because we are in a 'disposable' generation right now?
Is it because divorce is too easy?
Is it because FB is where we get our affirmation?
Is it because we just don't want to get on our knees and wait on God?



Today's prayer is for THOSE marriages that have somehow escaped the 'crisis'.  Maybe they escaped intentionally and have been with God since Day 1.
Maybe they escaped cause Satan left them alone -- as he knew they were an 'easy prey'.
Maybe they escaped simply by the constant prayers of grandparents and parents...  only God knows.


Today  -- if your marriage is rocky or solid... this prayer is for yours.  

Lord, in your presence is where both of us want to be and need to be.  Lord,  you will judge the living and the dead - help me never to judge my man and allow him to have his own Jesus and his own Holy Spirit.  Lord, I can't be that for him.  Lord, help me to not preach the word to him and then live another way.  Lord, continue to show me wisdom through your word and as you show me great patience, help me to extend it.  Lord, for the day to day stuff..... I work too -- help him to see that I need help with supper with the kids..and with whatever..

Lord, help him to see that he is the other 1/2 of me and we are only united as one with HIM.  Lord, may neither of us turn from Your Word or what You are revealing to us.  May we both endure the HARD for the sake of Your Good.  Lord, may we keep our heads in all situations and do the work you have called us to do.  Lord, may we each be a poured out drink offering to each other.  

This photo has great significance for me, it was taken August 4, 2011 when we decided to give our marriage totally to God... house had sold and the awkwardness of reconciliation began -- But God...  BUT God Won! 

Lord, may I keep my mouth shut when needed.  May I show grace all the time and mercy all the time but mostly.....may I love him for WHO he is not WHAT I want him to be.  

Lord, this prayer is being written for ALL today and yet - it is my heart too...  Lord, for the desires of our hearts...for mine, for his... Lord, for our children, friends, and family - may we always be a light in the darkness.  Check us oh Lord, and reveal ANY sin.  Reveal any pride.   Lord, that I will be the help mate or help meet to my man, may he always look at me and see YOU in me.  But also Lord, may I look at him and see that sexy man I saw ...some 30 years ago that made my heart flutter -- the eros love...the agape love...each type Lord....  it comes from YOU.  

In Jesus name, amen.  

Prayer for a wife in a HARD Spot - #9

When God moves a mountain....

I understand and realize that sometimes it seems impossible.  "He will never change.".  I hear that and I get that.  But, let me ask you this...."have you changed?".

I think people can change.
I believe that through God, a man can change.

I believe that no matter what -- God has to be the center and the 'control' for our men.

But...  a BIG factor is whether HE loves Jesus or not.
When he does not love Jesus or... no...when he does not LOVE Jesus...  it is quite impossible to believe that he will change.

BUT God...   God loves him still.  I know that is hard to believe, but it is true.  If  He, God,  will love me through my idolatry and allow me the time to get it right with him...I must allow that time for my husband.

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.   2 Peter 3.9


So, what do you say to a beautiful wife  that has come home to face a man - drunk again... the house a total mess.. and then...to top it off, he becomes abusive and hurtful???


Well, I would call the law.
Or I would leave.
Or, I would.....

but first, I would call upon my Heaven Father that is in control to move ...move him or move me... or move....  and SHOW me the answer.  

I don't believe the Lord tells anyone, "yes, You are allowed to leave this marriage".

I do believe that the Lord will provide a way to move forward.

If he won't get sober, if he won't get help and you feel unsafe, you must get away from him.

 Pray for a few days and ask him to leave.

Pray for a few days and look for a place to move to.

Pray for a few days and seek God for the next move.

Meanwhile.... as Jesus says, "go and sin no  more".
 Don't use the situation as an excuse to grieve the Holy Spirit or God.
Watch your mouth, guard what comes out.
 Remember, he is still the father of your children.
 Or... if he isn't,  allow Your children to see you extend grace and mercy even to one that does not deserve it.

 It is important to know and realize this revealation... God loves him as much as He loves you.  

God's Word says,  The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.   2 Peter 3.9

So,   prayer if for a wife in a HARD spot.  


Lord, Your Word says, that if we commit our work to YOU...our plans will be established.  Lord, a beloved daughter of yours is in deep need and pain right now.  She has a husband that continues to abuse himself and a situation.  Lord, another has a husband that won't get out of bed.  Lord, and another has one that just exists in her house but has left the marriage LONG ago.    AND Lord, there is another that loves her man deeply and she knows he needs You and he has no want or desire to get to know you.  So, therefore, basically -- Lord, ALL of these MEN need YOU.  Lord, open their eyes...   Ok Lord, I will say it...  DO What is ever necessary to bring them to a crisis of faith...but don't kill them.  For the hardest of marriages,  remove the husband so she can move forward and stand before you one day and say...   I tried.  Lord, for the one who is struggling to see  ANY good in her husband, remind her - YOU are her husband.  And Lord, for the wife who is ready to give up or give in... Lord, I pray she would remember to seek you -- as I know, You will  ask her to wait ON YOU...  and You will build her strength as she waits on You.  

Lord, may this bring comfort to her - 
I am but a humbled simple lamb - 
IN Jesus name, Amen

I won't underestimate God!

I clearly heard God impress upon me the other morning -- "Everything that happens to you is for YOUR own good"....and  "I am doing good for you".

I sort of laughed and then smiled at that thought and then sat in my car a moment and said to myself, "really Lord?".

Yes...  "everything YOU do for me IS good!".

Everything.

I am at a point in my life where I have had MANY victories so when it looks pretty bleak -- I can seek God to bring back into remembrance the GOOD and it helps me get past the yuck.

I am also at a point in my life when I believe HE is teaching me SO much -- as time is short and HE wants to use me...I WANT to be used.    ( for HIS Kingdom)  

Everything that comes our way -- should be filtered through the heavenly language....God's language -- HIS Word.  When I look at and filter EVERY experience and feeling, and thought through HIS Word.... something changes.

I sound pretty smart - don't I ??  That concept was shared by  Lisa Bevere in the  Girls with Swords  DVD lesson last Monday.

I have thought about that all week.

So, when I think about every situation and prayer request and see it through the heavenly language of God's Word -- I am going to believe that everything that transpires is for our good.  
 

I was reminded of the story of Ester.

 Today as I was a part of a beautiful prayer group that called upon the heavens - called upon Jesus to send warrior angels to fight and called upon  the Holy Spirit  to comfort a warrior that needed uplifting.    This warrior -- reminded me of Ester. 

Life is hard.

Situations- somethings at sometimes seem so UNBEARABLE to deal with.

You can get to the point of just wanting to GIVE up -- but .....don't.
 

  

 The Story of Ester.  Here is a recap of that Book in the Bible:  

Esther was a young, beautiful, Jewish woman living in Persia. She was unknowingly thrust into one of the greatest stories of all time, due to a very strange turn of events. Esther proved to be a woman of unusual wisdom and courage, facing adversity and wickedness with a quiet confidence and grace. While God is not directly mentioned in this book, His hand and perfect timing are seen in every turn of events. 

Then her story can teach us some lessons:  

Esther saved the Jews. Her life can teach us several vital lesson:

1. There is a preparation time.
She allowed herself to be prepared for the task. God's preparation time can sometimes be long and uneventful. Moses spent 40 years in the desert looking after sheep before coming to deliver the Israelites. The refining of our characters is very essential to God's plan for our life. God cannot use a proud woman (or man).

I believe there was a season in my life where GOD prepared me.  HE changed the way I felt about Him and myself and then, when I was ready -- HE did allow some revelation and I know that I know that my 'time' was THEN to walk with HIM and walk in faith and learn to TRUST God.  

I know a woman right now - that has been prepared - I believe it.   I have seen her strong and I have seen her weak.  I have seen her at her best and I have seen her hurting and trying to drown the sorrow.  But now....   She is strong and she knows how to hear from God and she knows that HE is asking her to trust HIM -- but it is really hard.  

  I have seen her-  now - at her best for many months.   She has been patient and believing.    I have seen the 'old her'  that constantly sought God and taught about God.    But I can see, she is at her breaking point -- and I want to scream, "please don't give up!"  The enemy continues to try and hurt her through her thoughts...through her children...and through her circumstances. 

 But I want to remind her tonight --  Her children are blessed.  She has the Holy Spirit within her and so her thoughts ...can be overcome by the blood of the Lamb.  And...that one she SO hates right now ......  God is not liking his behaviors either -- but God knows that the two of you - can overcome and He has thousands of angels...just waiting to run to him -- but his eyes have to open.  Until then -- wait dear one ---  God  can heal your heart.    And I am just going to believe and pray a scary prayer -- GOD -- heal them -- restore them...break him.... and let her see a glimpse of YOUR plan so she will not loose HOPE!  

2. We need the favor of God.
Esther found favor with the King and so did Mordecai. Even Jesus grew in favour with God and man (Luke 2:52). When you live a life pleasing to God, by obeying His will you will find favour with Him. God will also give you favour with people.
I have had people come to me and say, "pray for me as YOUR prayers are heard".  God hears each and every prayer.  We do need God's favor and it comes with our obedience.   The key is living a life pleasing to God.  I believe many times we give up or give in ....right before the blessing comes.  And so often, we give up or give in cause God does N OT seem to be moving in our timeline - and we get impatient.  God's timing does seem slow, but trusting it -- brings favor.  

I believe that my friend HAS God's favor....she is walking in it.    And I prayed today that HE would seek her and show her that HE is pleased.  

3. God works in His own time and season.
Esther got her timing right. Maybe God has put it on your heart to do something for Him. Don't just jump into it but wait for his time. Joseph was in jail until it was God's time for him to be released. God will move in His time when we remain faithful and alert to His leading.

Another lesson from Ester on God's timing.....it does seem like God is really trying to TEACH us something.  I believe there is a woman reading this tonight -- and right now, she knows that God is telling her -- NOW is the time...

Maybe NOW is the time to fast and pray for a specific child that  is lost or mixed up in sin...
Maybe NOW is the time for you to sit next to a friend who is in a storm and just PRAY with her...
Maybe NOW is the time to get off your butt...and DO something....for HIM...instead of expecting God to lay it all before you...
Maybe NOW is the time to actually pray and seek counsel on something or a stronghold that has plagued you for FAR too long...
Maybe NOW is the time to go to church - find one...worship one...and maybe ask yourself, "does God know me?"...
Maybe NOW is the time to give and extend forgiveness...
Maybe NOW is the appointed time for restoration within a part of your family...
Maybe NOW is the appointed time...

4. Your background does not hinder your future with God.
Esther was an orphan. God still exalted her and used her. Some of Jesus' disciples were fishermen, tax collectors and one was a doctor. Your background does not determine what God can do with you. Your faith does.
I did a bible study on Ester with Beth Moore.  A major part of the study is taking a look at 'our past' and that it has BROUGHT us to this point - here and now.  Our past was our destiny.  Our past did shape our future -- but it never has to dictate it.  

God has allowed experiences within out lives -- as we walk through it with HIM...we can then, do that for another and help another walk through the pain of..... a death....a betrayal....a rejection....

God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary -- our faith creates miracles!  


There is NOTHING God can't heal, restore, or redeem.

There is NOTHING that can separate the love HE has for us--

Are you in a season like Ester was?
  Is now the time to step it up -- and help SAVE a child or friend around you?
Only You and God know the answer to that --
If Ester had NOT spoken up when she did  -- what would of happened?
She saved a people....
Who have you helped God to save today?


I am humbled.  Humbled that I was reminded this evening that my blogs -'help'  - thank you Hannah -- I certainly enjoyed hearing that.

I am humbled that I am able to pray with a bevy of women that have the faith to FAKE it until it is felt.    ( Sorry, Ryan..there are men in that group too)

I am humbled that God has given me several memory stones...in my life that I can come back to and see victory when it seemed hopeless...so I WILL believe for another - it is NOT hopeless.

Sure...can God use a divorce?  yes.  Sure....if this divorce does transpire...will God still use my beautiful friend - YEP -- I know it.  But I am still going to believe that this 'couple' will be reunited and it will happen in a way that MANY will see and say -- 'that was God'...as there are children and many lives that need restoration and healing as well -- that are connected.

I know God loved  me THAT much.
I know God loved Job.... Mary..... Sarah ...Ester ...THAT much.
I know God loves them  - THAT much.

God does not have to 'faith' it until HE feels it - HE is the love.
God is not to be underestimated.

God shows up - each and every time.
Amen.

Lord, I know that I know  -- you will show up in her life in a mighty way and tomorrow will be a new day and she will testify as to your faithfulness and I know she will seek Your Will...and I am believing that she won't have to 'fake' it...  she will be granted her hearts desire -- in Jesus name, amen.  

Her hearts desire is YOUR will Lord -- I know that I know that -- thank you! Amen. 

- humbled, Michelle

Healing a wounded heart - REPOST

  I have a sweet sister in Christ that is hurting so badly right now.  I cried with her on the phone last night.  She knows her place and the 'timing' right now with her life is that -- she must draw close to God ...and let GOD be her everything.  I do know what it is like.....to hurt THAT bad and really....just want to crawl into bed....and wake up in heaven.    

I don't want to make like of this.....I did not want to 'commit suicide'....but I wanted the pain to stop.  I don't want to belittle anyone's pain -- but as believers in Christ in this hurting world - we must keep our eyes open to the fact that others around us ....ARE hurting THAT much.  

So, with limited time today -- I went back to a post I wrote to encourage another  - back to March 2, 2014..... and I will RESHARE...what I wrote on that day and I pray that the time lapse won't make this any less real....cause as I reread it today -- I knew that if God used it back then to speak life to another....HE will USE it again today to speak life and give encouragement.  

I am going to just say --  to my sweet niece........  GOD wins and hang in there --  HE is fighting for you. AND HE won't let this pain last much longer ....see Isaiah 41.10 and believe that HE is holding you -- with his RIGHT hand.....amen.  

March 2, 2014

 Today is Sunday.  I had a tremendous blessing at church today.  I don't wish to brag -- but I WANT to make God famous.....

I want others to experience the JOY only HE can bring.

I want others to believe in something that CAN happen with HIS help.

I want people to have growing faith - that WHEN they get beyond their own hurt and crisis...they will then PRAY it forward and speak life into another.

That is what happened with me.

I really thought I 'knew it all'.  But I did not.

God loves me enough to allow something to 'hurt'...so my attention was refocused.

And then HE healed me.

And then He restored me and restored my family.  Simple?  No.  But yet...yes.

However -- it takes God's time.

Psalm 34.18 says:  "the LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit".  

I have a sort of 'running' debate with a sister in Christ.  She says 'her pain'  was more  devestating.  More crushing.

I say, 'pain is pain'.  I know that when I was rejected and broken hearted -- there were days, MANY days when ALL I wanted to do was GO to heaven --  check out -- don't pass 'go...don't collect my $200'...( that is a reference from the game of Monopoly).

I would never tell her that my pain equaled her pain -- I did not experience what she did.

But now that God has healed and restored the earthquake that fell upon me -- I realize that when another sister in Christ is in pain -- her pain and hurt is real and that she may just want to check out too -- -- it is THOSE women, I want to say -- GOD WILL and CAN heal.

In my most darkest and broken hearted days -I did NOT want to get out of bed.

I did not want someone to tell me it was going to be 'ok'...I WANTED it fixed and yesterday!

I was TIRED of praying and waiting.

I WANTED answers and I wanted to know - that all would be well.

And on many of those days - I wanted GOD to come from heaven and SMACK some people around - I did -- I wanted JUSTICE...what the hell did I do to deserve this hurt?

This world is broken.  This is not our home.  I never did anything to 'deserve' this...but I was/am a sinner and  mercy is for the just and the unjust.... God showed me mercy.  I needed HIS mercy.

Unfortunately -- the only one that could really help me  was God Himself and He was at work - I just could not SEE it.  So then comes the TRUST factor.

I was 44...almost 45.  I would of argued with you - I 'knew' Christ and trusted Him.

But I had NO CLUE.  After God allowed a revelation - it took 9  more months before I finally  -- really  -- allowed God to be MY EVERYTHING...NO MATTER what.  It was THEN...that God could begin a 'new' work within another.  I say 'new' work, cause I knew God was working all that time on him as well -- but, it was different now.  When we truly TAKE our hands OUT of the situation and TRUST God - and WALK in that trust...God will let us 'see' a bit into WHAT HE is doing.

Again, I have said this before - it takes time.  In the middle of my crisis of faith - I HATED God's timing...NOW....not so much.  In fact, I LOVE HIS perfect timing - so I say with a little experience -- wait for it - and trust.  Just TRUST.

So, today -- I got to pray with an older gentleman.  He accepted Christ for the first time.  He was well over 70.  The childlike FAITH in his eyes - is a look I will never forgot.  Last Sunday, I got to watch a 'younger' man accept Christ and the look in his eyes today as he was baptized - powerful.

So as I thought about these two events, the Holy Spirit reminded me of another rebirth....

It was about two years ago this month...that God allowed me to see a change in another person's life.   That other person was my husband.  He was beginning to believe that maybe...just maybe.... our family could be restored. He was beginning to believe that God could change a heart.

  It was 2 years ago this weekend  that we moved into our 'healing house'.  It was a home where God allowed me to see a man be reborn and God's 'slow' timing in this healing -- was HIS perfect blessing. And I was a recipient of that rebirth as a new love was formed.  

I say that as a reminder to myself...and to a woman I met today --

No matter what -- GOD can heal and restore.  God can and HE will.  HIS perfect will IS to restore a marriage.  It is.   We must be obedient.

No matter what the 'world' may say -- GOD hates divorce.  HE does.  As I told this woman, if there is physical abuse or a cause of fear for one's safety .....then GET OUT...but, God's will is to restore and to heal and redeem.

I could insert here MANY MANY MANY different %'s and statistics of marriages and what works and what does not -- but I could also copy/cut and paste at least 4 different testimonies right here of other couples that had IMPOSSIBLE situations  ( situations that make mine seem like a 'picnic') and God healed...GOD restored...and GOD redeemed and blessed.

They were obedient.  In some cases the wife waiting on the man.  In other's the man waiting on the women.  And even in one, they divorced and remarried 6 years later....amen.  God is creative.   God wins!

  God's will is to restore.  It just is.  THAT is HIS will.  HIS will is to have a man and a woman as ONE FLESH -- working together to be a union....to show the world HIS love for His church.   People just don't fall out of love.   Love is a verb - it is an action.

When they say 'I never loved you'...they are lying. When they say, 'they love another' - they are lying- that is not love  -- that is EGO and LUST.

 Hurting people hurt others and lie...they have to JUSTIFY what they are doing -- to make it seem 'ok'.  

 The Enemy is a liar and the enemy will make a person 'believe' that one never loved another....

        the enemy will make a person 'believe' that another will NEVER change....

   the enemy will make another believe that 'now they finally deserve someone better'........

     the enemy will continue to steal, kill and destroy -- cause he knows....WHAT God can do!

So with that, and with ALL assurance that GOD is CLOSE to the brokenhearted and HE will bind your wounds...I will say to you -- hang in there.....

But FIRST.....I had to get right with God.  I did know that Christ had died for my sins and I knew of HIS word...but I did not have a one to one relationship with God - where God /Jesus was my husband...my best friend....and the ONE I trusted.

Trusting is the first step.  Believing  in something that is unseen - is faith.

Lord, I pray for the beautiful woman that I had the pleasure to pray with today.  Lord, that she gets a GOOD night's rest but that she will awake with a supernatural peace surrounding her.  Lord, I pray for her husband - may all sin be revealed - may he come to realize that he too is a sinner and that he needs a saving touch - that he needs Jesus. Lord, there are children involved - hearts that are hurt that need comfort - interject Lord - I know you are RIGHT there  -- that they would see something within their mom -- YOUR Light and HOPE...  Lord, protect her thoughts - as the enemy is working HARD to discourage her and I pray that she will believe that our meeting today is by NO accident - that she will dig deep into your word, refresh her relationship with You and allow YOU to be the husband for the moment -- and that she would believe YOU are working on him as well.  In Jesus name, amen.

Lord, I am humbled- Hopeful...encouraged..and committed to believe YOU will do it again!  I will continue to pray for those  couples around us and believe that YOU are at work, YOU will open the eyes of the ones who are deceived, and YOU will restore the others...and give courage to the ones that MUST seek some professional and godly help -- I believe.  I believe,  YOU WANT for them -- WHAT I now have with my husband...new soul ties...new love... and revelations that there was LOVE all that time....the the wife of the youth...is HIS will...that the current wife is GOD's will.... that the two married -- should remain.   amen.   GOD....wash them all clean....God that the ones that are NOT in relationship with you - would be miserable...until they SEEK you and if You see fit to use Brendan or myself within this.....then do it and we promise to be faithful to the Holy Spirit as He speaks to us - in Jesus name..amen.michelle

decisions - 101

Lots of decisions were made in this past week, and many were made for me.

My husband broke his nose,  another's ( it was an accident ) elbow sent him on a  a trip to the ER and it was  confirmed -- broken in 4 pieces/places.  The next day brought more confirmation and scheduled surgery --Thursday.  Plans got interrupted as were were to head to Louisiana with HP and watch some Regional Soccer U19 competition.

That decision was made for us!

I was 'frustrated' at God for a moment  - and when I say that --I say that so carefully, cause it was NOT God that caused the broken nose...nor was it Satan...it was just life and it was an accident.  I do believe God knew it would happen and HE chose to let it happen...cause I know HE works everything for His good- our good and for HIS purposes.  So...for some reason - God wanted the two of us - alone for a week, just resting and allowing the nose to heal and me -- having the opportunity to pamper the patient.   Surgery went well and the nurses continue to wonder how he is not on major pain medication.  ( cause we PRAYED! )  Currently, my husband is ok - nose is sore, but no major pain, it is just AWKWARD with a brace on and two 6 inch  splints stuck up the  nasal cavities and sneezing makes my heart stop each time!    And the Nedi 'showers' help keep everything moist but his nose is constantly dripping.  Again, decisions - to see the 'good' in all of this!

More decisions.... the a/c broke - who do I  call?   Situations at our insurance office...prayerfully thinking ....  The women that seek me for prayer ....God ...only YOU can answer....  The women I seek for prayer -- show me quickly Lord what I need to do, help me to do what YOU ask...  And, I have this incredible God thing that is coming ...and I have some decisions to make -- I am not making them...I am prayerfully seeking God's lead!  

My calendar and the Holy Spirit reminded me of a fateful decision that was made -- exactly 3 years ago today -- June 21, 2011.....and how, in that moment -within that day - GOD was there and HE...I know HE made the decisions.

Let me give you backstory:

Often, I will get a person asking me to pray for them because  "I am so strong"...and I want to scream..it is not me..it is GOD THAT is strong.  However, they see  something in me ....was it because they knew how my marriage was broken and in their minds it could never be fixed and now it is? ....is it because there is something that shines out of my mouth..?  I pray to God -- it is LIGHT...HIS LIGHT...but seriously, sometimes I stop and think - it was not that hard of a decision to forgive and believe that a marriage could be saved.  Let me explain...

Joyce Meyer's poster says it all.... I was at a time and place in my life where 'doing the same thing'..was NOT working.  And I had to SEEK God...totally.  Believe me...I really did think I had it all figured out - but I had no clue.   And God had been preparing me - I had been SEEKING God because there was just stuff within my life that was not working and I was in a sad and sorry spot -- so I had begun to get counsel.  Then....  the earthquake hits.

Getting back to 3 years ago -- I knew.  I knew that when I was given some very hurtful and damaging news, I knew I was to forgive --- cause God had spoken to my heart and head prior to receiving the news ...that I 'was to show grace and mercy'...and God had given  me  this supernatural love for another human that had hurt me terribly...but -- I knew I was to hang in there.   So, what may appear to others as being 'strong'....is really just obedience.  I knew that I knew - I was NOT going to face Jesus one day and have Him ask me, "why didn't you do what I asked?".


Now it was not easy -- and after a good 9 months, I came to the point where I knew that I knew  that no matter what -- what the outcome of my personal crisis would be---would I  get divorced?   Would I stay in 'limbo'?  Or would this marriage be saved?----but as I said, I knew God was in control.

And I submitted to HIS authority and I was seeking and serving Him.   What did it look like?  It  looked like....going to church, being committed to a cell or small group...and it meant that I was walking as if Jesus was right next to me.  Every moment, I  would call unto Him. And sometimes those calls to Him -- were desperate fits of RAGE but then praise and honor and seeking HIS face.   And it meant MANY nights alone, with my bible on my chest - crying myself to sleep - hoping that tomorrow would be the day where God walked into our lives and just fixed it all.  And there were many just 'blah' days...where all I could do was put on praise and worship music, and pray out loud to myself and Jesus ...for a miracle.  As I did that, and as the enemy would attack....I continued to speak the words that God had promised to me...."I will heal the broken-hearted".   And finally, there were the days when I just wanted to give up and God would provide and send one of HIS angels ...in the flesh via a phone call or text or someone would message me on Facebook and I would be in tears -- knowing that God was speaking to me directly - comforting through His people.   Then you just have to believe...and live for another 5 minutes.  Soon, 5 minutes becomes 30 and then 30 becomes an hour...and all of a sudden you have made it through the day.   Amen.

So back to that 'being strong' comment....I was only as strong as HIS Word would lift me up that day.

Decisions.

More backstory but you should understand the title of my blog today.....

Now I stated  3 years ago another decision was made.  3 years ago today -- my  husband had a revelation of sorts and he had to make a decision. A situation presented itself that had to be dealt with -- it was a pivotal day.  A day now, I see where all of heaven was probably in battle...there was definitely a spiritual warfare going on -- as I see now 3 years later and all the GOOD that has come from this decision -- no wonder Satan did his merry best to prevent us from healing!  ...Just saying...

Today, 3 years later, I stop and think...how HARD it must of been for him.  I mean, he made a decision to believe that 'one day...he could  look in my eyes and know that I was God's intended for him'.   Gulp.  Even as I type that - it is hard to read.  But THAT is the reality.

A marriage that is broken - our marriage - was  suffering because of one person's actions....but what we were  dealing with was  a symptom --- there was OTHER stuff wrong somewhere ...with  BOTH partners.   Mee too.   I mean...when a person is hurting - they hurt others.  When the enemy is lying to a person and in turn that person listens and then acts upon it....the couple will suffer -- but for the couple to REUNITE...to RENEW...to REFIX...there has to be a fixing on BOTH parts.   There has to be some changes on BOTH parts...and doing the same thing - just does not work.

And that is how he felt at that point...from his perspective at that moment -- nothing had changed...nothing would change...and the enemy had him believing that he never really loved me from Day#1.  So, for him to make a decision -- to actually pray and  allow godly counsel to remind him of WHAT God's word says...was really a big deal.

 And I believe -- it took more faith at THAT moment for him to believe that -- than it did for me to believe that one day -- we would be celebrating our healed marriage.  I do.  I just do.  As I saw what 'he felt' ...and I could see how 'he was thinking'...and I knew that I knew -- he did was not trusting God.  But, at that moment, that night -- he took a leap of faith and prayed one more time...and said, "God, if this is going to work - it has to be ALL YOU".

I know that THOUSANDS of heavenly angels were all around that room and whispering to him...'believe'...and I know that God's divine hand was upon that kitchen table as my husband and his godly counsel chatted...and I know that it was God that SOLD our home within 5 weeks - and we moved within the next 3 months...to begin a new chapter in our lives.

 I know it.

 And God moved - quickly -- to show a man with little faith at that time - that HE was in control.

And I know that on that DAY -- the HOLY Spirit intervened in me as well.  As I took a phone call from a panic'd  and confused  husband  right before he went to seek godly counsel....as he asked me what I was going "to do"?    And it was the Holy Spirit that spoke the next reply out of my mouth - as I had been in prayer and fasting that day -- the Holy Spirit had been preparing me  that revelation was being revealed on that day.

 So when he asked me what I was going to do? -- I know what I said  but it  was the Holy Spirit speaking through me -- as it was not rehearsed, and it the words were that  I was 'done' if he did not choose our family.   There it was said.  13 months of 'hell' had been summed up finally and I knew, as I said it was not rehearsed, but it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me with courage.... And I had such peace.  Such peace.   Did I really say that?  I remember hanging up the phone after our conversation and speaking to God, "Lord, that had to be YOU, what did I just say?  I have been thinking about so many responses Lord for MONTHS...and now, today ..this is what comes out?    So Lord,  I will trust that was YOU speaking, as I don't believe I would of had the courage to say - it is  done if he is not going to pick us - I know you will provide  ...so Lord, now I will trust YOU in this.  Amen. " And that peace....did not leave me that day, that night....that weekend.


OK - SO WHY am I sharing all of this today?

One... I love celebrating 360's...and today - my husband and I are healed...our marriage is a strong one cause we work at it and we BOTH seek God first.  There was a miracle that occurred within our hearts and our lives - we acknowledge that and we marvel at that as other couples around us struggle.   And today...3 years ago was a pivotal day -- a day where one decision changed the course of a marriage and a family.

A day where I know, I relied upon the Holy Spirit within me to TAKE over...and a day where I know that a man -- made ONE last attempt to trust God - a decision that was pivotal!

People make decisions every day -- I wonder how many decisions we make on our own -- without HIS counsel...or how many decisions we should  go back and  turn around...cause we did not SEEK God first.

I wonder how many decisions we regret...

And I believe that someone -- reading this today -- needed to hear something within my words, they needed encouragement and they also needed perspective ....

SEEK HIM...believe in HIS Word and what HE has promised...

And I believe that several marriages ...several people are making decisions based on feelings...instead of DOING something different -- and SEEKING HIM for restoration, counsel, and fixing.

And I believe that if they  will...seek HIM..and take that leap of faith and TRY - just one more time...the REWARDS on THIS side...are heavenly!  And we both know - what God can do and we want others to experience WHAT God does!

Someone needs the reminder -- there is NOTHING that HE can't heal...fix...or restore...with HIS divine help and ...often professional counsel.

Both my husband and I  will say it often...I would never try to fix a cavity by going to my Pastor.  I mean, I will pray for healing...and I will seek prayer...but, many times, God does not fix the cavity we get from our own indulgence with chocolate...so then we must go to the dentist.  Seek some professional help.

There are consequences because of our actions - and seeking a Christian professional therapist -- is indeed  -- a good thing...and it works.  Having a 3rd party to look you both in the face -- to remind you of the definition of insanity....is eye opening and freeing...and liberating.  There is no shame. Don't let the enemy convince you that nothing will change!

And I will add this in...most health plans cover 4-8 sessions with a therapist - do the work, make a phone call...be willing to SEEK help and believe that God can do for YOU -- what HE did in our marriage and our lives.

God wins.

Always.

But when we are obedient...we WIN too!
amen.
- humbled and believing for MANY marriages that my husband and I prayed for today -- as we  rested!