Dear Mrs. Alone - repost!

Some time ago, in the middle of one of the MANY books I have read on marriage, love, hurt, God, restoration, healing...etc...  etc....  etc........I came across a book by Debi Pearl.

    Submission.  

What does it really mean and look like?

My opinion:

 Submission does not mean that you have to take verbal abuse OVER and OVER again.  

Submission does not mean that you can be hit and mocked and then left alone. 

Submission does not mean that you must do everything your husband says especially if it means lying, deceiving or harming another.  

THAT ....is not submission - that is being a bully.

 And if your husband is being a bully and hurting both you and your children by his actions, or putting you in physical harm because of habits and other stuff...you have EVERY right to seek counsel and say - enough.  

And you do not have to submit to that.  

Some factual information I found:

Submission is:
 (  http://carm.org/apologetics/womens-issues/what-does-it-mean-wife-submit-her-husband)

 One of the most difficult concepts in God’s Word is biblical submission.  The word submission is not limited to wives alone.  For example, Christians are to submit themselves to each other (Ephesians 5:21), to government (Romans 13:1), and unto God (James 4:7).  This is a frequent concept in the Bible.  Self-sacrifice is required in each circumstance.  Submission is never glossed over to be seen as easy or always convenient.  Instead, it is viewed as service unto God.

The Greek word for submission is hupotasso, “to subordinate…put under…”   God exhorts women to voluntarily follow their husband’s leadership (Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter 3:1).  A woman is actively doing this-- choosing to put herself under leadership, choosing to be subordinate in a circumstance or relationship.  This is not forced upon her by the recipient.

A wife shows submission unto her husband when she allows him to take leadership in the relationship.  His position as leader is biblical (1 Corinthians 11:3).  Abraham’s wife, Sarah, is an example of a woman following her husband’s lead (1 Peter 3:6).  Sarah has never been confused with being a woman who was a frail doormat.  Peter notes that she was not afraid in life.  Submission should not be confused with a person being weak.

  My heart breaks for some. 

Now back to my opinion:

As I said, My heart breaks for some.  There are some that can not submit to a godly husband and they  must be the spiritual head in their home.  And yet, there are still others  ----

----Others that are hurting and trying to be their husband's holy spirit or their husband's mother.
Some ladies are trying their best to sabotage their marriage...they are speaking death into it --
How do I know this?

I see it and hear it - often.    How?      --Cause I used to be THAT person --

In my own way, I had allowed idols to come into our home and marriage.  I was not paying attention.
I became the  self-appointed holy spirit for my husband.
I  became the a self- appointed guardian of his thoughts....and I had other self- appointed qualities.

Now I do not have those qualities.

God changed me.
Therapy changed my attitude.   Therapy changed my habits.
And now - I must practice a some  godly communication practices to make sure - I submit to my Lord....

And...I allow my husband to be the spiritual head of my home.   And I submit -- but I am NOT weak.  

The letter posted below is a part of the book by Debi Pearl.  

   THIS letter....it was a letter that REALLY shook me up as I read this book by Debi Pearl.  ( 3 years ago. )  It put many things into perspective.   It was a letter that brought me to my knees for the 100th time  and it had me seek forgiveness from my own husband.  It was a letter that I read often to remind myself -- we are just as responsible for the marriage and its problems, there is never just one person at fault. 

If there are children involved....any age....we owe them...we need to try the HARD before we give up. God can heal and restore, HIS blood is enough but I am well aware that perhaps it is just too hard or too painful.  SEEK HIM in those decisions.

But anyway.........

I see and hear  woman around me.  I hear them  speak to their husbands on the phone, around their friends, and in front of their  children.  Sometimes I hear them talking in line at the grocery store.     children speak of parents of their friends.       It happens when I overhear ladies in Publix.  It happens at the gym.  It happens amongst friends.   It happens at my work place and in the parking lot.    It happens on TV all the time.  It happens at the hairdressers and especially at the nail place......it just happens.  I hear stuff.  And I want to say - 'do you hear yourself?'  

I know I don't know their  pain, and I am so sure there are always two sides to every thing, but I just wonder how much better some of their  world would be, if they  read and listened to the pain in this letter. 

I posted it first on September 21, 2010.  I felt led to post it again. 

This letter is in the chapter about submission.

 This letter is not written from a woman that was abused.  I believe this letter is written by a Christian woman that was VERY similar to me at one point - that is why it HIT me so squarely between the eyes and I wept.

I have not met  anyone in  particular  in the past few days that prompted me to share this again.  I have not counseled one or another....the Holy Spirit led me to this post again because I knew it needed to be shared.  I pray right now...that the RIGHT one reading this blog post - gets it.

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Dear Alone,

         Thank you for your letter.  Your letter is something woman should read so  I am placing it in my book for others to read.

                           Sincerely, Debi Pearl

Here it the letter:

Dear Mrs. Pearl, I would like to tell my story . . that others may be warned .. I'm  alone but never thought I would be … I made many mistakes in my marriage but I wish someone would of pulled me aside and given me some advice. I hear many young marrieds or woman complaining…but they need to seek God’s word,  they need to be open to the truth.

The things I did or failed to do were not everyday, constantly overt, or  in the face actions. They were subtle, ebbing and flowing, but there, nonetheless.

When my husband acted selfishly at home, allowed his tempter to flare, and sometimes said curse words, and then went to church and acted spiritual, I wish I had prayed postively for him instead of withdrawing a little emotinally from him and letting my cynicism and lack of confidence in him be so manifest. I wish I had openly showed love and acceptance of him for himself, not impatiently wait until he acted right.

When my husband failed the children, failed to have devotions, failed to be spiritual, failed to lead as he should, I wish I had completely trusted God and maintained unity, honor, reverence, and submission with a glad and trusting heart. I wish I had kept the children honoring him and praying for their dad instead of allowing my martyred attitude to manifest itself so openly.

When he made a statement about someone or something, I wish I had not always put his opinion down, letting him know he was wrong again.

When he acted like a jerk, I wish I had remainded quiet and prayed for him, loved him anyway instead of letting him know what I thought about him and his actions.

When he tried to make it  up to me,  for some failure, I wish I had not been so cool, waiting for him to suffer a little more and be more intense and sincere about his apology.

When he spent money I thought we did not have, I wish I had remained quiet and trusted God. I wish I had shown continued confidence in him, regardless of his decisions.

When he wanted me to do something, and I did not want to do it, I wish I had cheerfully complied instead of making him sorry he asked. Hardheadedness is not a trait to endear any woman to a man.

When he needed a woman to believe in him, admire him, approve of him, accept him, regardless of his failures, I wish now that I had been the one to give him those things.

When I thought keeping his faults before him— just small things he did and said— and keeping myself a little standoffish in my approval of him, was the only way he would change, I wish someone would of taken me aside and told me how badly mistaken I was to think that it was my place to apply and keep the pressure on.

When he were in the company of family and friends, I wish I had not taken on a martyred air when he left to go off and do something on his own.

When he did not know how to show love, and I felt a void emtionally, I wish I had borne all things and hoped all things, and loved him unconditionally, instead of giving up inside and turning to friends and family for my emotional support and needs. I never saw the need to endear myself to him. I took for granted that he would fulfill the husband’s moral obligation to love me. I wish I had gone to “God’s Beauty School” for the whole woman.

I wish someone would of told me . .

Sincerely, Alone

Lord I pray for whomever this was for.  IN Jesus name, Amen.  I just got back from Church this evening and my Pastor spoke about POSITIVE words... I do believe this letter is a reminder - reminding a woman that is still married ....that maybe, just maybe  some positive prayer is the answer.  And God I pray you will protect this...I don't want anyone to read into this and think that this letter is an 'excuse' for sin.  I mean -- some marriages are VERY hard and there needs to be real counsel and perhaps even time apart so that REAL therapy can take ahold and changed are made.  As so many times.....no one wants to STOP the insanity -- they just continue to do what they always did and don't get to the ROOT of the problem.  But I do believe this letter represents several marriages....that could be healed with some godly submission to GOD.... Amen.  - Michelle