Expecting Day #15

I chose a photo of HP  after playing soccer.  Soccer has brought so much travel, joy, and fun to our lives.  But there is a HARD part to it as well.

 Honestly, soccer played a part of the separation that started between my husband and I.  Business.   Busy. Busy. Busy.  We became so busy with club sports -- with both kids that the enemy was able to get into our lives. Volleyball and soccer.

It just did.  Fact is a fact.

Today I was reminded of something, because a friend of mine is really suffering.  This person is heartbroken and this person is trying their best to survive.

She is thinking that she can't forgive....

She is thinking that she deserves better...

She is thinking that  she won't ever be HURT like this again...

And she does not want to extend mercy --  

This friend is not the women that I have been blogging prayer for -- but she is a women that is just as important as my 'BB'...and she is just as important as the woman reading this that is anonymous....because GOD will use this to encourage and speak to WHOM HE wants.  

No matter what the 'reason' is for the brokenness -- pain is pain.  Life is hard.  This is not our home - this is our temporary home - until heaven.  THERE is where, our hearts will be forever happy.

Before I had full disclosure of what the enemy was using to  destroy our marriage, I was deep in bible studies and deeply searching for answers as to 'our problem'....what could it be?   ....what was it?  ....what could I change?

In a Beth Moore bible study,  in July of 2009, I had this divine experience or meeting with God.  In one of her  (Beth's) realistic  and over the top illustrations -- she used the verse from Isaiah 41.10 -- and the end of it says...."I will uphold you with MY righteous right hand".

Beth went on about 'what if'.....  She had been in a season of her marriage where all of a sudden she was struck with this fear that her husband would eventually leave her for another woman.  And it became an obsession within her prayer time -- never letting it versed to her husband, but the enemy used that time to try and trip her up.  She used that time to SEEK God and thus had this 'over the top' illustration.    If you watch her on programs, I have seen her repeat this story and illustration a few more times on Life Today, and I laugh now -- but I was not laughing then.  

Again, part of the story is, "what if my man had an affair?".   And she goes on and on..."what if...".  She explains that she had this conversation with God and God replied, "well, What if that was true?  What would you do?".  

NOW...this is where it gets real.  She expressed a story that made me laugh - but in hindsight...it was GOD preparing me for a similar conversation that I would have  -several months later.  

She wrestled back and forth and finally told God, "well, I would cry for at least 3 weeks..."
And God said, "then what?"
She replied, " I would cry even more when I found out that my daughters would get along with her..."
And God said, "then what?"
"Well, Lord, I would need lots of chocolate and time by myself and I would probably need some medication for awhile..."
And God said, "then what?"
"And I would probably sell my house, maybe move away, and retreat somewhere..."
And God said, "then what?" 

And finally after going back and forth -- Beth says, "well, I would have to pick myself up, dust off my face, and I would still love you Lord, and I would have to forgive him, and my girls for liking her....and then.... I would dry my eyes....  get back to going to church, and seek You Lord for what is next"....

"Because Lord, when it comes down to it...this is only temporary and my Life with You Lord, is what I crave -- And Lord, YOU would use it for Your glory and I would be fine!" 

I will try and be brief but at that moment - THAT verse  ( Isaiah 41.10) became so alive to me.  I literally looked down to my right hand and I had been holding onto a metal object and I could see the IMPRINT of the object in the palm of my hand -- my skin... had an imprint.  It did.   I knew at that moment - God was RIGHT there with me -- holding my hand -- so hard that there was in imprint in my skin.

The entire verse says:   Fear not, I am with You; be not dismayed, for I am your God!  I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

So, I got that verse in July of 2009.  The rest of the summer and fall was  tension filled days, night after night of silent crying, and sleeping on the couch and I am pretty sure that if I went back to REWIND the year - you would see that I probably cried daily or cried out to God daily -- 'what the hell is going on?'

I had started going back to church but I was so tired of being there alone, that I just gave up and watched church on line.  I kept busy, and there were many soccer tournaments to go to - where we could put on the FAKE smiles and pretend that all was well.     Now in retrospect....some 5+ years later....'what the heck was I waiting for?' Oh wait, I know --- God.

I knew I was to be waiting on Him.  I was in counsel with a wonderful woman of God and soaking up all she could teach me, but I could never come home and share it with anyone.  I did any and every bible study I could get my hands on.  There was one on Mondays and I even hosted one  myself on Tuesdays - I FILLED up my nights.   There were moments or  maybe weeks where 'things' would get better   between my husband and I ---- and then, go sour again.  I knew at that point that my husband was in some sort of mid-life crisis...just did not know the entire scope of it.

 I knew I was not going to leave my husband and I kind of figured he wanting nothing to do with me and later - that was proved true....but I share this now not to get pity --but to look back and realize....that was a YEAR of pain....but a year where I had to daily go right back to my Lord and SEEK HIS word and somehow....I got through it.  And by 2010, when the floodgate was opened and truth was revealed -- I may of been CRUSHED but not defeated....as that verse was memorized and believed.

So, I am sharing this, why?  So my friend knows it will take at least a   year....NO!

Believe me...I would NOT wish that on anyone - I share it to let  my friend know - it takes time.

And I have shared this before- I USED to HATE God's timing, but now I know and realize that  God's timing is best.  And we must trust it.

Sure, THAT is easy for me to say now - that my marriage has been restored and my relationship with my husband now  is something that we never experienced before.  But, I am not naive and I am pretty sure that both my husband and I are targets for the enemy -- so, I am sure that more YUCK will be thrown our way - but this time, we will meet the challenge united with God.

Meanwhile.... back to my friend......to live each day with that broken heart or brokenness...

God knows.  YOU are NOT alone. 

  GOD knows -- exactly and HE will make HIS word real to you.   

Lord, I pray that YOUR Word is coming alive to my friend  - AMEN.
And Lord -- may she get that revelation ...that she  know that she is being held by You...by Your righteous right hand.  And Lord, for the other women reading this -- listening to YOU speak to their hearts and heads ....Lord, YOU will  win.  Amen. 

Homework:
Read Isaiah 41 this evening and think.... will you allow God to imprint HIS love on You?

Expecting Day # 14 -- When LIFE is hard

Lamentations 3. 28-29 says:

"When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don't ask Questions. Wait for HOPE to appear."

LIfe gets heavy.  As many a minister has said --  "we are  either coming out of a season or going into a season of something.  The 'little' time in between can be a brief respite of bliss -- or it just is a time where we can catch out breath."

I get that.

Whenever,  I think my life is REALLY hard...God shows me another person who 'has it worse'.  However,  when I thought my life was at its WORST -----guess what, it got even worse.

And when God gives me a reminder to put things in perspective - I am always humbled.

Sometimes, well most times, when we pray over something or someone -- the enemy comes back at us with vengeance and the situation gets worse!!

The next line in God's Word says to go off by yourself.

I LOVE being in my car listening to Christian radio and I get lost there.  Many times when I was in a season of 'muck'...I would just drive and get away -- and listen to music and pray and speak to God.

I thank God that in that time of my life - my kids were self-sufficient!

Getting away by myself can also be retreating to my bedroom, watching an old 'classic' and just cry and let the tears wash away some of the hard.

Then ENTER the silence -- that means LISTEN for God to speak.  He is constantly speaking to us - but we are mostly always too busy to hear and so - we miss it - until HE finally gets our attention.

Bow in prayer.  I get by myself and I just talk back and forth with God the FAther.  Sometimes it is very formal and most times it is just a conversation.

Don't ask Questions -- THAT is my hardest  -- I mean, God created me to analyze and ask questions...I usually don't DO something at work or at my house -- unless there is a reason to do it......get me?

How do I not ask Questions?  I ask God a lot of questions -- but, I don't expect answers --

Wait for HOPE to appear.  Waiting sucks.  Waiting sucks.  Waiting sucks.  I said it over and over - God's timing  ---WHY does it seem that GOD is so sssslllllllooooowwwww -- but I have blogged about this before - I get that now - HIS timing is best.

HE really knows best -- and waiting is WHAT we need to be able to do.

But waiting sucks and it is hard.  That is why it is a breath of fresh air --- to get into HIS Word --and look for answers, listen for Him calling out his guidance and extending His comfort.  But we have to wait --

A wise friend said, "it won't be much longer...but it will still take a little more time"....she repeats herself often -- wise woman.  I now repeat her.  

Expecting Prayer #14 -- we are not yet to the middle of this 40 days...but, stuff will fly here and there and here is one way to use HIS scripture and believe that .....this time will pass.  

Recent news for my sister in Christ has given her a setback.  

Maybe you are reading this and YOU TOO have had a SET back...you have received news of a new hurt that YOU did not expect....and  this hit has whammed you --  then.....deal with it  - 5minutes at a time.  

I will pray in agreement with you right now - GOD has this...and HE will provide every need and HE can redeem.  

Believe it.  

Lord, help me to go off -- help me to not analyze and judge.  Lord, for the one reading this -- may she  or even he get the courage or guidance to  do this -- to ENTER into this Word from You and allow it to change them.....
In Jesus name - amen

Homework for Day 14:    Go off and be by yourself....only YOU and God..if only for 5 minutes and question HIM but don't ask for answers.  LET HIM lead.  

.

Expecting #13 - a baby miracle...

 ( Posting early -- this is for Tuesday -- I am going to be SWAMPED tomorrow ...it is TP's first Volleyball game...and I promised to help with concessions.  LOL )


A baby miracle .....

Ok, with permission, I get to share this.  Back in February of 2011, I was in a very 'sad' and sorry spot. Marriage counsel had taken a turn for the 'worse' and plans were being made for my then 'estranged' husband and I to separate, again.  And I had basically stated in my head...."I am tired".  But...I was holding out until my 'ENCOUNTER' Weekend which would happen at the end of the month.

In my brain....that weekend I would hear from God and get my miracle.  ( Or, HE would give me the answers I desired!)

So days were busy with school, nights with soccer or practice, and then I would head to church when ever the doors were open.  And, I kept busy .....  waiting for the month to pass by.  I went and it was an incredible experience.  I have already blogged about it...and I will probably RE-SHARE it again because by this Friday, I will be heading to that same retreat center and be a part of another Encounter Weekend, but this time I am humbled to be a leader.

Anyway -- when I came home, I was SO HIGH on Jesus -- I believed I could  walk on water and I had heard over that weekend that a sweet sister in Christ - who was pregnant - was given some bad news.  Well not bad news....but news that altered MUCH!    She had a few ultrasounds and there was a high possibility that her baby - in her womb...would be born with Downs Syndrome.  As I walked on campus that Monday, I walked down her hallway and opened her door and grabbed her and hugged her and prayed.

I remember praying like I had never prayed before -- I know the Holy Spirit was speaking through me and I was able to look right in her eyes and ask her  --

"Do you believe in God?"
"yes"
"Do you believe that God can heal your baby?"
"yes"

"Then we are going to pray for that perfect baby."
"ok"

And we did.   I did.  God did ....the Holy Spirit too over!

  And from that point on - and for the last few months of her pregnancy, each time I saw her - I reminded her -- God will give you a perfect baby.  Amen.

I wish I could tell you,  at the time that,  I believed her baby would be normal.  I had my doubts but I knew that I knew - God could heal that baby and if HE chose not too -- that was GOING to be God's plan for her and her family.  Her two daughters had assured her - they would love him no matter what and she held onto the fact...that no matter what...she was going to have the son she and her husband wanted.    And as time progressed, you could see her accept the news and prepare for this altered reality.

As I said, EACH time we saw each other in the hall -- the look was "perfect baby".

That baby turned 3 this past week.   Yes, 3 years old.
He is perfect - normal.  With NO Down Syndrome.

Miracle.

Some doctors or nay slayers would say ..."she had some faulty tests or there was a mistake".
But she and I both know and believe that God healed that little boy within her womb...because of her faith and she accepted the fact that  ..no matter what - that baby was perfect.

Accepting WHAT God allows into our lives ...is maturity.
Accepting WHAT God allows to happen to us ....shapes us into HIS character.

Can you do that today?
Can you accept WHAT God has allowed into your life....  ?  Can you allow it to shape and mold you ...so you reflect the character of God?

I pray I am.
I pray I can.
I pray I will.

Lord, that we would accept what comes our way -- and know that NO matter what - YOU have us and YOU provide and YOU will guide and YOU will win.... and until we see that 'light' or miracle..we will believe in faith - Amen.  

Homework:  Speak to God today and talk about what He has allowed...and let him know if you can trust Him.....

Expecting #12 -- a day of firsts.....

The first day of school ...
The first day of living  in your new apartment or college dorm room...
The first day of Kindergarten...
The first day of driving alone...
The first day you have to sleep alone...

Firsts...

Firsts can be scary -- Firsts can be exciting -- First can bring anxiety  and Firsts can be what drives you....

The first 5K....
The first marathon...
The first volleyball game....

What is an important first?

The first day of the rest of your life?
The first day you realize that Your name is in the Lamb's book of life?

It was my first day of school today.
I had an 'uneventful' but crazy first day -- my 27th first day of school starts.
And yet...there was a first --  I almost had to call 911 or ask my para to call 911...for a few tense moments I was unsure...  For privacy reasons I won't share more, but I thank God that I thought quickly and trusted my instincts.  All is fine --All ended well, but it was a first for me.

Today's prayer focus...

Lord, that YOU are first in each and every situation.
Lord, that my sister in Christ will be allow You to be first in each and every situation.
Lord, that YOU are first in the lives of the women that are heading to Our Encounter Weekend with me and the other leaders.
Lord, that You are first within my children's hearts and thoughts and that goes for whomever is reading this as well...  Lord, for my sister in Christ - my BB...  for her children...that they would put You first..that her place of work would be a spot that always puts You first and it thrives in doing Your work.  Lord, for my BB....meet the needs, guide the others, and give her new strength and mercy to continue believing that You will bring this 40 days to a special end...in your time -- she will see miracles and receive such a healing...in Jesus name, Amen .  

Homework:  Think about a few firsts -- and give thanks to God for them.
       Then begin to think about WHAT will still come about -- when You see some certain hearts change...believe...dream...and than thank God!

Expecting #11 -- An invitation and Explanation

If you read my blog -- I talk a lot about my church and church family.
If you read my blog -- you have heard me tell or speak about an ENCOUNTER Weekend.
If you read my blog -- my Encounter weekend in February changed me - completely ...and God met me and gave me the strength to FIGHT for HIM....and believe in HIM.  That weekend was a piece in the puzzle of my life....my life that serves God.

If you WANT to know more...come this evening.   Anyone is welcome!

Today is Sunday - I know that my sister in Christ will be in church and GOD will speak.  I don't need to add anything today to this blog/prayer  of 40 days.

But...I will invite and share a bit -- The Men within our church ( about 30 of them ) went to their God Encounter Weekend and as they return today - lives have changed.  Our Women will go next weekend - ( 44) to be exact!  Their lives are already changing and I know that I know --  THEY will be different. If you know one of them - you will see it.

So tonight and next Sunday night - we will meet and gather and CELEBRATE with lots of awesome music and testimonies -- where you can HEAR for yourself...what God has done.   6:30 pm.  Come early to get a seat - we will be FULL.

ARE you interested?    Then come.  

Celebration Services wil be held at Buckhead Ridge Christian Church on Linda Road in BHR.

Yes, this will be the new HOME of HIS Church beginning August 31, 2014.  The two churches have merged and God did this.  This is God's way of healing two bodies of believers and continuing WHAT God has started.  IT is exciting and unbelievable at times!   God wins!

So, if you want to know more...come and if you are skeptical....come and if you want to experience God like you have never done before -- come see me or one of the women that will be heading to Titusville next weekend ....God will speak through them!

Expecting #10 -- God RULES.... even in TESTS!

Psalm 97 The Message (MSG)

97 God rules: there’s something to shout over!
On the double, mainlands and islands—celebrate!

² Bright clouds and storm clouds circle ’round him;
Right and justice anchor his rule.

³ Fire blazes out before him,
Flaming high up the craggy mountains.

⁴ His lightnings light up the world;
Earth, wide-eyed, trembles in fear.

⁵ The mountains take one look at God
And melt, melt like wax before earth’s Lord.

⁶ The heavens announce that he’ll set everything right,
And everyone will see it happen—glorious!

^7-8 All who serve handcrafted gods will be sorry—
And they were so proud of their ragamuffin gods!

On your knees, all you gods—worship him!
And Zion, you listen and take heart!

Daughters of Zion, sing your hearts out:
God has done it all, has set everything right.

⁹ You, God, are High God of the cosmos,
Far, far higher than any of the gods.

¹⁰ God loves all who hate evil,
And those who love him he keeps safe,
Snatches them from the grip of the wicked.

¹¹ Light-seeds are planted in the souls of God’s people,
Joy-seeds are planted in good heart-soil.

¹² So, God’s people, shout praise to God,
Give thanks to our Holy God!

Today is Day #10.  When I started this Blog Prayer ( 40 days ) I knew that I knew God had commissioned me to write a series of prayers and link them together for HIS purpose.  I have one women in mind this time ...agreeing in prayer with her for her prayer requests as she needs a mighty movement of God within her life, her family, and her circle of influence.  There is no shame or condemnation as she loves HIM...she worships HIM...but there is still struggle.  

But, I have had confirmation that this 40 days of blog/prayer is NOT just for her or me....but several women have come to me and confirmed that THEY are being touched...THAT is God...and HIS mighty Word.  THAT is what HE has called us to do -- to glorify HIM with our lives, our actions...our speech...our being.  Praise HIM!  

God's Word today within Psalm  97 reminds me that  HE is God. 

HE is the Creator of the Universe and HE wins.  

10 is the number today -- Day #10.  10 is a number in the bible that means tests.  My own child has been reminding me of this, as 'this' month is #10 within a prayer cycle she has be commissioned to do.  She knows that she knows - and has been praying for a person within her life and THIS month is #10.  Her first weekend, her car broke down and she dealt with the struggle of getting it running again and there was a cost - $.  The second weekend, she ( and me ) dealt  with the loss of her puppy - her child.  Praise God, Elsa was found but there was a cost - $$ - reward money and I was the one that wrote that check, a cost.  This weekend?  She has looked at me over and over and asked, "what is next?".  I know that this weekend she has to LESSON PLAN with her dad....as school starts Monday and this is her official 'first year' start up and there has been plenty of stress and cost ( $) as well.  However...through it all - I have seen her get stressed, get frustrated, and cry  but never waiver in the fact that SHE KNOWS...HE is with her.   HE wins, HE rules, HE is God.  And I believe that, because she has been obedient -- even as the month continues  and even if next weekend there will be another 'test' or no test at all....GOD will win.  

So, now back to my sister in Christ - these past 10 days for her has brought MANY blessings and TESTS...and again - another test has surfaced within her family.  Again, I know that I know - GOD will prove faithful and GOD is orchestrating....so today, the prayer is VERY short and simple.  

Today's prayer:    

Lord God, thank you for being God.  Lord, continue to be GOD within my life.  I pray that NOTHING will get in the way of this and that as I continue to believe that YOU are moving, YOU are within the lives of my family and me...and that YOU will move the mountains -- I pray that I will hold steadfast and believe that YOU win.  In Jesus name, Amen.  

You will win...within my family - You will win..within my finances - You will win...within these tests - You will win...within the unexpected hurts and needs - You will win..and NO matter what - I won't fail as I have YOU within me.  Amen.  

Homework:   Go back to that first letter/assignment that you were to write on Day #1...read it again,  smile at WHAT God HAS done...think of your head and heart today....10 days into this 40 days...and then write another letter today!

Write what you are thankful for today. 

Write what you are concerned about today. 

Write what you desire today on that paper and then just smile, and believe that HE has his arms around you - and is smiling upon your beautiful face.  

Then as the day progresses...remind your brain that GOD is God...and HE will win!  

And I will see you in Church on Sunday and we will expect that - everything will be well.  

Expecting #9 TGIF

Very simple today - I am EXHAUSTED.....and God knows.
I am tired....and God knows.
God knows my heart..my hurts...my wants...and my needs....and HE knows YOURS too.
Amen.

Simple prayer.
And when I am extremely tired or maybe the words just won't come -- I use my prayer language but I also will rely on my childhood and recite a familiar loved prayer that I had to say each day in school.

The Catholic in me rings true and it gives me joy, comfort, and peace to know -- that HE wrote this - and it is powerful.


So:

Our Father in heaven,    may your name be kept holy.¹⁰ May your Kingdom come soon.May your will be done on earth,    as it is in heaven.¹¹ Give us today the food we need,^[a]12 and forgive us our sins,    as we have forgiven those who sin against us.¹³ And don’t let us yield to temptation,^[b]    but rescue us from the evil one.^[c]14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. 

And Lord.... thank you for WHAT you have done...WHAT you will do and I remember those women and children and families.... wanting peace over seas...GOD move...protect and I praise and honor you...and for my BB.....GOD  thank you for the blessed answers and continue to show her and her loved ones - YOU WIN.  Amen.  

me...