Marriage is HARD, Bold Prayers - are you quitting? Day #38

I heard today ... a couple I have prayed for--is filing for divorce.  I can't blame her -- it has been a long haul.  I heard it through another....I haven't spoken to her in some time.  But I felt defeated for a bit -- but, I gave it to God.  Each of us .... has to seek HIM for what we do next. 

 Sometimes the push and pull back and forth takes such a toll.  

Today, while working on another project, I listened to Pastor Robert Morris's series about heaven and our rewards there.  I want whatever is for me ...nothing less.  

Another couple, had a very HARD decision to make in the past 48 hours.  And I was able to give advice...but in the end -- it is the two of them making this decision.  Truly, it felt like an EASY decision from the outside looking in....but in reality....it was fear and the unknown that they had  place before God and to trust to God. 

 Again ....   as much as I want to see it 'easy' for the couples we pray for ....we know that suffering and a deep wounding does bring a new found freedom and closeness to Christ like never before.  

Each person will stand there - in judgement before God...and there will be an account for everything.  Praise God we have a Savior that intervenes for us and covers us. 

 And yet... even if we do have that name in the Lamb's Book of life, we will still answer to the choices we made and be rewarded for our faith.  

Again ..I want it all -- whatever God has for me.

  I found this blog that I wrote back in November of 2011.  We had just sold our home in September and moved to our first rental.  We were in FULL therapy mode heading to the coast each Friday to literally allow another to question us.  I remember those sessions very well...where I drove home afterwards thinking, "why am I in trouble?".  

But that is for another blog or time to share.... the process was trusted and it took time, but God won.  This blog caught my eye and I don't remember WHAT transpired that day that made me WANT to quit...but the hurt could be easily remembered.  And I reminded myself -- But God Won!   

If you are trying to quit this eve... I pray that indeed...you will SEEK God and do ONLY WHAT He allows... in Jesus' Name.  Amen.  


Here is that blog: 

so..   when does one quit.... ???

I was mixing up some cookie batter to roll out some cookies.  The Youth Group at Church is having a bake sale.  I had successfully stirred up 2 batches of my Grandma's roll out cookies and used up all the flour.  So, I put the eggs, sugar, and butter in the mixer and turned it on to 'cream' .....  and I turned around to grab the new bag of flour out of the pantry and in the 45 seconds it took to grab it, I turned around to see this....


the bowl was practically off the mixing stand and the batter had crawled up the sides of the bowl and was flying out.. it was everywhere...   there was a centrifugal force of that sweet yellow butter,sugar, and egg cream.....   the dog was even covered but I could not grab her fast enough to get a photo.

Clean up time...  quitting time.......  

I could not establish how much batter was really left in the bowl so I quit.  I cleaned.

I got to thinking - there is a life lesson in this.  And there was.

My life goes up and down.  One day I am so strong and the next, a little thing can set me back.  I kept asking God this morning -- 'what'????    HE reminded me of HIS security.

I am secure in HIS love.  I am HIS.
God reminded me HE wins.  HE does not quit....  HE could of scooped up the batter and added flour and made some really good cookies, but I would of needed HIS divine HELP.... I would need some supernatural power.

Right now, on this Earth - I can access that.  I cleaned up the batter and knew HE was there, always scraping my feelings up of this or that - what has been splattered here and there and HE adds to me and makes me whole again, tasting sweet.  IT is HIM.  Not... what this person says or does for me. Not what I am expecting from this one or that one.  Not what I can do on my own -- it is HIM.  ONLY HIM.  HE has to do it.

HE reminded me today, that quitting is NOT an option.  Funny,  last night at a certain point because of a certain thing.... I had really thought about quitting.  For the first time in this journey that I have been in with my family, my husband,  my friends.... I have wanted to quit ... I have asked, "can I?"...  But last night, the  Enemy really got in my head and really made me feel that quitting would be easier.  That dart came - and it was grabbed and held at bay -- not by me --- by the Holy Spirit.  HE reminded me of past victories and HIS plan is always good.  HE reminded me of the reward awaiting -- to see a whole family restored.  So, last night before I finally closed my eyes......  I asked God for a fresh new start today.

HE answered -- this am, I find it interesting that the thought of "I am quitting"..    is now like a distant thought, but it did bring me back to the Cross...... we can't do anything without HIS help.  I can't worry about tomorrow- HE is my security.  I can't allow the Enemy to put thoughts of quitting in me - I will renew my mind.  Every moment -- Every minute.

Maybe this will bless you today -- if you read to the end.  

God answers prayers.  HE allows hurt and pain -- for a reason -- so we rely totally on HIM and HIM only.    When we are restless - we need to SEEK HIM more.  WHEN we don't know what to do - we TURN to HIM.

And it is God who establishes us with  you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and give us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee ---2 Corn 1.21-22

The Holy Spirit is our guarantee -- HE is fighting for us and HE gave us the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us while we are here... so when we want to quit, we know that we know, that is not what our Lord wants.  And so that we know,  HE will come and add scrape us up -  and add what is needed so that we are sweet and whole again.  HE restores.

Thank You Lord,  YOUR love makes me smile.

You know Lord, that the  Enemy really wants to beat me up today - do me a favor and kick him into hell - thanks, michelle

Marriage is HARD, Bold prayers #37 -- Our Value.

What a beautiful photo ...right?   I downloaded or basically 'stole' it from a FB post.  This little boy is adorable - right?  It is from a photo shoot.  The little boy is the grandson of a high school mate.   This high school mate -- her husband went to see Jesus last December and this is their grandson.  

The family planted a WHOLE field of sunflowers as the sunflower is the symbol for ALS disease.   I honestly wished I could do the same...but I would need a field and a little more of that Wisconsin weather...  Florida can produce Sunflowers...but not like these!   

So, they had a family photo shoot within that field and this photo captured my heart.  1.  I love sunflowers.  2.  I love family photos -- even of those I don't know.  3.  He is a little ginger headed boy...I could have a grandson with that color of hair one day.  4.  He is the grandson of a family-- I do know and have prayed for.  And 5.  It was JUST too breathtaking not to share.  

 There is some specific meaning as to why  the sunflower  is the flower for ALS, but what I loved about this photo is that sunflowers grow in 'families' and they grow taller when together.  They had too.  At the age of 51 or 52, just after Dave retired...he was diagnosed with ALS.  He fought for almost 3 years.  I watched, prayed, and admired and will forever be changed by this disease.  That family grew taller and closer through this.   

We grow taller...when we are in the family of Christ.  

And yet...family can hurt us so badly at times.  Words, actions...even just not talking or no actions.  

This morning, I awoke to the Holy Spirit speaking to me.  I was thinking about several women and situations and praying and clearly ...I heard, "remind them of their value".    I know the Holy Spirit wasn't just speaking to me about those few in particular I was praying for...He was also speaking to me.  


So often we place our value in material things. 

 But we also place our value in HOW people think of us...HOW people speak to us...and HOW much we are 'worth'. 

  There really can be NO price tag placed on our lives.   And yet...with job promotions...and raises...and 'moving' up within our work place---DOES put value on us and we can tend to allow that value to truly define us.  Then again...maybe we don't, but when we are passed up for a promotion or passed up for that recognition...we feel LESS THAN.   Feeling less than... is a form of feeling rejection.  We were not valuable to 'them' or to 'him'. ......  

Again... I am preaching to the choir...myself.  

Our VALUE does come only from WHO made us.  

These truths are from the Adamant book written by Lisa Bevere.  

Because I am in Christ, I am constant, immovable, and unshakable in truth. He is my fortress, stronghold,and unassailable refuge.  

I am seen and known because God is adamantly intimate with every moment of my life.  

God is love, and I cannot stop God from living me.  His love is invincible and immovable.

I will use my words to heal and build up rather than to criticize and tear down.  

I am God's adamant. I hear his voice clearly, and my  innermost being agrees with what he says.  Day by Day, I am growing more and more and experiencing the fullness of who God says I am.   

For today.... I want to remind those reading and praying with me that YOUR value comes from the heavenly Father.  Your value does NOT come from your husband, your job, or your kids.  You may feel unappreciated, underpaid, and less than...but YOUR Jesus died on that cross for YOU and paid the ultimate price.  WE have to separate those fleshly, earthly feelings of what we DESERVE ....to what God promises us.  What He promised us.  And we have to remind ourselves...that in this life..we will experience trouble.  

Quite simply today -- the simple prayer is this...

Lord, that the one within the marriage who is fighting so hard..may she understand and know her value...is through YOU...not her marriage or not from anything else...IN Jesus name.  AMEN.  

Here are a few more photos from that family ...are they just not beautiful!   And they area expecting another... well, I am assuming by this beautiful photo!  The dad in the photo - it was his dad who had ALS.  My class mate ...her name is Shelly... if you have family with ALS - you can relate.  But what joy in this photo right??  I truly believe heaven will have fields of sunflowers all around my mansion!   AMEN     

Marriage is HARD, BOLD prayers - trusting God. #36

This is a blog I wrote back in 2013.  It was  Easter time and I felt the Holy Spirit was reminding me to TRUST HIM.   Yesterday I found myself praying and reminding myself that I could TRUST God.  The Holy Spirit awoke me today and gave me a fresh word about 'value'..... so I came to my blog site and began to pray and search.   I admit...I wanted something easy to write as I am on a time limit this am.  There is TOO much to get done before I head to my hair appointment.      I LOVE how the Holy Spirit multitasks and brought me to a few posts and photos and then to this blog.  

In this blog, I do write about my childhood/high school pal, Trace.  She went to see Jesus back in 2013.  At this particular time...I was praying for a miracle for her.  Believing that God would heal her cancer for the 2nd time.  At this time in my life, I questioned God a lot more.  I still question God ...but I do trust Him more.  

Anyway....  bottom line, I knew I wanted to repost this.  There is a wife that wants to TRUST God in her marriage.  I pray this insight into my head and thinking back in April of 2013...helps.  

And the blog post about 'value'....HE has written most of it already and I want to be diligent and pray a bit more before I publish that one....  as it was inspired by two women but God also wants me to write it for me.   To be continued....   But, back to trusting God -- if you know that 'trust' issues are indeed a part of your marriage crisis - then I would encourage you to read this.  

The updated  prayer is at the end...   

It is Easter.  Jesus has risen.  How do I know that - I trust that knowledge.  I believe in that.  I read it in HIS word.  I believe that.

My friend Trace, began her chemo this week.  A few days ago in fact,  how do I know that? She told me.  I texted her.  I heard her say she was doing good.   The doctors have not given her much hope.  This is her 2nd battle with a type of breast cancer.  I have been praying that the chemo shrinks the cancer and it then disappears and defies the doctor's opinions.   Why would I  believe or pray that way?  Cause I trust God.

My husband and I went to see a family at a hospital today, a family that we have been praying for for several days now and we prayed over their son in Critical Care.  He is not doing well, and there is a good chance he could spend Easter with Our Heavenly Father, but we are believing in a miracle!  How do I know that, or believe in that miracle?....Trust...in HIM.

Trusting is a HARD thing.  When it comes to the 'bottom' of it, people will say they trust in this or that, but to me it takes a WHOLE lot more faith to trust in a person than it is to trust in GOD.

People fail us.  God does not fail us.  But what happens when....HE does not heal or he does allow the heartache to last.....ah, yes, THAT is when we must TRUST - right?

Or Rely on HIM?

 I found this:  The thing is to rely only on God.  The time will come when you will regard all this misery as a small price to pay for having been brought to that dependence.  Meanwhile, the trouble is that relying on God has to begin all over again EVERY day as if nothing has yet been done.  - CS Lewis.

Pretty profound hugh?

God's timing is perfect and it is no accident that I have called out to HIM and begged for healing for two special people this week.   Now we must trust that GOD will do HIS best work.

Trust...

Trust hangs somewhere between knowing what your heart longs for and trying to dictate the shape or timing or outcome of your heart's desire.     
It lies in the willingness to accept the particulars of how and when and where God chooses to intervene.  It waits in the cool shade of surrender.   - Paula Reinhart 

There are loads of things that lead us to TRUST God...

....like knowing your marriage may end
.....like taking a phone call from your sister and hearing the words, 'we have lost Blake'...
....like  seeing your parents hurt each other with words and realize the hurt has gotten so deep...
....like moving across the country for a job
.... like jumping feet first into a new challenge when you are scare to DEATH!
....like sitting at the foot of a bed and watch a child struggle to breathe
...like seeking a new job when you know it will be a challenge
.....like getting a phone call that totally shakes your life
.....like finding a lump and sitting under a PET scan and wondering if the cancer is back
.....like moving back home when a family is broken
.....like hearing the words, 'I don't love you'...
....like coming home and being scare of what you will find...
....like believing your were never loved...
....like hearing of another's heartache and it brings you to action but ...what could you do?
....like thinking that you are unloved..
....like believing that a hurt from childhood could harm your entire present reality
....like being tossed back and forth by the winds of change...
...like....being so hurt as a child, that you have cut off anyone that could hurt you as an adult, but that makes you isolated...
....like... ...like...like...

Some of these experiences are mine...others are people I know...and others are just experiences...that is not the point - the point is what has caused YOU to trust God?

Paula Reinhart says that the root of trust comes from being grounded in the fact and knowledge that you are LOVED by God.  That no matter what, as long as I am loved by God..HE will lead me to the light in this cruel world.   Do I know that - that I am SO loved?  HIS word says I was so loved before the foundation of the world.

Learning to trust my husband again has been hard, but I trust him through my Lord.
Learning to trust God, has been something I have been working on for YEARS!
Learning to trust God when it comes to our immediate friends and family and with their healing....

Paula says, "if we let ourselves be loved by God, our hands release their grips on the reins of our lives and we stop trying so hard to be the one with all the answers".

God has the answers.  I don't.

Will Trace's cancer be shrunk to its disappearance?
Will Chris sit in church again - soon?
Will I ever get this figured out?


I am believing and trusting and praying that God is going to heal them both!  

Paula says this too:

God is always good.  If life is like a deck of cards, then God is always the wild card.  He is not subject to our human efforts to influence outcomes, we are subject to HIS.  His story is the great story being told- and none of us  know exactly how our own story will read - only that it will end well!  This is why we trust, in the important matters, always feels like a risk and why it entails courage.  

God does not have to explain Himself to us, we worship a God who is mysterious - too mysterious to fit into our formulas.  It means God is not our best friend, our secret lover, or our alter ego...HE is our God.  It evens means that it is just as frightening as it is delightful to stand in HIs presence.  Our creaturely relationship with God is one in which we are, at the same time, both irresistibly drawn to HIm and humbled by the grandeur of his holiness. 

I know this, heartache is NOT God's discipline for us.  That is NOT the heart of God!   Sometimes it is easier for people to blame others or themselves.  

But accepting the mystery of what we cannot know will lead us to the heart of God - where we trade our craving for explanation for a simple willingness to trust God.

There is a peace within Chris' parents that you can hear when you speak to them.
There is a peace within Trace's texts that you can read....as they are trusting God and they have that peace.

God is so good.  HIS word says, 'surely goodness and kindness shall follow him all the days of his life'...for those who put their TRUST in HIM.

Today is Easter, many will put their trust in stuff.  Some will trust that Publix will still be open, and find it is closed today!  Some... will trust and believe there is no 'hell' -- our God could never do that for His people.    Some will think or trust they can 'get it right with God later, after their are married, after they finish college, or next week'.....
There are people that will trust their car will work tomorrow so they can make it to church the one day of the year they feel guilty...

Is this your TRUST?  Or is Your TRUST in HIM?
I have felt the burden to pray this week for many within my circle that 'think' they are headed to heaven and they 'think' they know the Lord...but they really don't TRUST HIM.

They don't rely on HIM.
THey have not fallen in love with HIM.

When you fall in love with someone...YOU want to be with them, YOU want to read what they wrote, YOU want to tell others...YOU WANT that and you begin to build that relationship and eventually you  TRUST them.  It is the same with God.


Ok, enough said -



 Lord, you brought me to this post for Your purpose.  I am thankful that Chris indeed saw Easter and I I am not sure where he is or if he is seeking you...but I will trust that he is.  Lord, I do pray for his parents ....as they are not in the same place as 5 years ago ...but I am trusting that each of them is seeking you in their own way.  For indeed, you answered their prayer and I know it was for Your purpose.  

 Lord, for Trace's family...her daughter and two sons and his husband ....I pray and believe that indeed -- they see Trace in their hearts and lives and that they are closer to You and trusting You!  

Lord, for the wife or mother that has read this today and is trusting You in spite of what she sees before her.  Lord, comfort, hold, and speak so loudly that any doubt is erased.   Lord, for the marriages we hold before you -- goodness Lord, that both of the partners within these troubled marriages and within these that are just struggling....may each of them seek YOU out and ask themselves...do I trust You Lord?    Lord, when we totally TRUST in You and rely on You to fill our needs and wants...it takes the other "off" the hook....and allows them to seek You and get well.   Bottom Line Lord...  FIX it..like ONLY You can, but I pray each of the marriage partners would take ownership of their OWN hurts and what needs to be FIXED within in them first and trust...that YOU can change hearts...YOU can change perspectives...and YOU can redeem what was stolen or given away to the enemy.  IN Jesus name...AMEN.  

And specifically for a family today Lord that has been trusting YOU and now... must totally rely on the fact that ONLY YOU...can comfort them as they sit by the side of their child...and watch him leave this earth.  Lord, I pray that they ....the parents would know, he is experiencing NO fear as YOU are right there...and I pray that they would FEEL YOUR presence in a greater and mightier way ....like never before.  Amen.  

Marriage is HARD, a BOLD reminder that GOD can! #35

But God can...
But God has....

But God will do again..

.

It may look like your marriage is in its most dangerous crisis....  but God...
It may appear that your child has made some VERY poor choices...but God...
It may seem like there is no HOPE...but God...


I have had the honor and pleasure to see some very hard and hopeless marriages get turned around!  
I have seen some very strong and purposeful marriages -- fall.

I have seen some very strong and hopeless people become full of JOY and gladness in HIM! 
I have seen some very strong and purposeful people -- fall.


Just recently -- there was a person my husband and I have been praying for  -- and we both felt that this  man was for 'certain' NOT going to seek counsel and guess what -- But God....   

God is always working.
God is always ON our side.
God is always there -- WANTING all of us... we must trust.

God is fighting for you -- if you are seeking HIM,  which means you are in prayer and communication through His Word.

God is fighting  for you -- if you are seeking HIM, which means you are in prayer and communication ton with HIM through His Word....

Two basic truths..HE is calling us...and then we must act responsibly. 

We  must examine ourselves and ask..."what is in me Lord, that needs to be removed or changed?".  Come to Him...   seek Him..and then obey.


When THAT part has been addressed...we can come to Him and know

                 -- that His will is for us to be in love...... with Him first and then others....


When I awoke today, I had the URGE to share Jeremiah 33.3

 Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

Then Jeremiah 29.11 came.....


¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

As God continues to teach and show me stuff -- He uses unexpected places.  


Unexpected places.   




Someone reading this today -- knows that the place she is AT right now - is NOT HIS will....but, she needs to know to WAIT on HIM and HE will remove the mountain or blow a hole right in the middle of it and walk her through it.  

Someone reading this right now....needs to be reminded that HIS plans for her .... for you... are NOT what YOU see right now....But God is at work!  

Someone reading this right now, needs to CALL to HIM...as HE will, God will tell you WHAT is next and what needs to happen.  

Someone reading this right now, needs to be reminded that "these' are NOT the plans He has for you -- THIS is not His will....  

Someone  - including me....just needed a reminder today that GOD wins!   

But God...

But God will reveal it !  
But God will show you...

But God.....     

Lord, for the specific marriages and couples my husband and I are praying for -may YOUR will be done.  Lord, for the new person reading this and questioning - may YOUR will be done. Lord, for those in crisis and working towards solutions and redemption - may YOUR will be done, may they truly get the healing needed and not just place a band aid on the surface.  Lord, for the one who feels crazy this morning - may they realize YOUR will can be done within their lives.  And I pray for the extras that are reading and following these blogged prayers and using them to intercede for the ones around them - let NOTHING be wasted.  In Jesus's name... Amen. 

Marriage is HARD, but READ this post! Prayer #34

Ok, it is time.  I need to be real and honest.  For the past few posts, I have touched on FEAR.  

I am dealing ( dealt)  with that stronghold again.  

And again, I come to this blog site, as this blog is a part of my journal .... and it is a part of my own therapy --- I write.   However, before I write, I think and think and talk to God and talk to myself.  

Some would say - I write too much.  

Some don't read my blogs because they are JUST too long.  Others may thrive on EVERY word like I do at times when I am seeking God and searching for help.  The problem can be when we search and search for an easy answer on social media, a blog, or through another and yet, don't GET into God's Word and SEEK HIM for the healing and answer. 

I totally was and still CAN be that person....because that bible seems pretty daunting at times and I still, on routine say a prayer ---"Lord, I want to crave it more...I NEED it more and I want to hunger for it like NO other".  


Some may  read and wonder "WHO" I may be speaking about.   As early in my blogging career, I would blog pretty quickly about a topic or a hurt to make my point and try my best to be very general -- but if you were pretty close to me, you probably figured out who or what was bothering me.  

 But I honestly pray and need to believe that GOD  draws people to read this blog and it does touch a head and heart and it helps.   Maybe it just makes the reader realize....'they are OK as well'.  


As I said, it was time.  I have allowed FEAR to creep into an area of my marriage.  Pretty plain and simple, my husband is in a VERY new season and I was used to knowing where and what his world was for the past 30 years and now I don't.  Even though... that control issue crept into our marriage crisis some ten years ago, and it messed stuff up  ... we are human and flesh and well, sometimes we just GET SCARED.  

As I have mentioned, a dear godly new pal, that God has brought into my life, called it out.   And literally once, she called it out in me -- within the next 10 minutes, a weight had been lifted and I began to SEE much more through NEW eyes and indeed - got with God to take away that fear.  

The last blog spoke about godly fear -- I loved that blog.  I HAVE that fear.  Basically I want to be so in tune  and in line with God that I am THAT close to Him.  I don't have any fear through him, but there is a longing and a wanting to STICK there.  Close.  

School has started and I have 28 new young ones within my room each day.  Several I sit with at lunch and I listen.  I also watch and see what they wear, what they draw, and how they react.  Some bring such joy and others, make me pray.  This past week, I saw one of my former students wearing a t-shirt with the words, "friends with my demons".  I couldn't find the graphic on the web, but this photo is pretty close or HOW I saw the t-shirt.  

I even spoke to her and asked exactly what the t-shirt meant.  And then I prayed that she would NEVER ever wear that again.  However, I will watch and pay attention.  I have her brother in my classroom each day now -- prayer works and I am believing that we will revisit this.  

I do stay away from certain stuff.  I don't watch scary movies or allow SOME of the stuff that is OUT there in.  And I guard my time and my eyes.   Satan is very real... and maybe more of us should really have MORE fear of him... as he certainly is alive and well in this present time.  I pray that more of us adults, parents, and people of influence around these young ones - speak UP.  Be prayed up to guide and direct these young ones in LOVE to avoid this enemy.  

But the truth of this concept  is within marriages as well... Young married couples and many older married couples have LET in the enemy and when the marriage falls apart or begins to show cracks -- they WONDER why.  OPEN the eyes people!  When our children were little -- babies...we NEVER would of allowed a TV show or something with this type of message to grace their presence...so WHY do we excuse it or allow it as teens or even adults?    WE haven't changed that much --  


So back to my fear -- as I said, I allowed the enemy to creep into my head and whisper a simple notion..."he can't be trusted again".... "he is around LOTS of new women again and he will forget you"..... and this one was classic..."he no longer needs you - he has new people to listen to".     Yep.. I fell.  Hook . Line.  Sinker.  

  It can be  SO easy at times to allow the enemy to whisper -- even when your armor is on, even when you are seeking God, even when it seems ALL is well.   It just happens.  We are human. 

But God Wins!   I just felt the need to be open and honest and remind those praying for a marriage, praying through a hard season of marriage, or those in a very hard place within their marriage...... is the enemy bombarding you with fear?     I would pray and ask that you check inwardly first and battle and overcome that--- and then continue!  

Zach Williams has a song on Christian Radio right now called, "Fear is a Liar"...it is a bold prayer that I can almost sing word for word... I would suggest you find it and play it over and over if FEAR is something that you have noticed is a stronghold.  


I am not belittling this stronghold..there are many fears.  Fear of not having enough food...fear of not being able to go OUT of the house and a maybe even a fear of a young granddaughter falling and hurting herself. 

 AND these fears  are real and need to be attended to and dealt with.  And I only added that in last one about a grandchild falling because of my own husband. I don't believe, Bren, my husband, was EVER this fearful with our own two kids.  When SJ or Ava is near ANYTHING, his first words are ....BE CAREFUL.. or.. Chell, she is going to fall! 

But, I know with  even a sweet friend, who deals with a family member,  that these fears are very real and  with this one being so fearful -- it is totally overcoming her life.  Real Fear.   

I shared about being fearful with my husband and his new career path and yet, to be totally honest, there are  still two  more fears that I must confess. 

One,  I am fearful - at times, that I am just NOT doing or being who God wants me to be.  Now, mind you -- I get confirmation and many encourage me and I have seen fruit from some very hard times of prayer....but still.  There is still this little girl inside of me that wants affirmation.  It just may be that thorn in my side ( like Paul wrote about ) that keeps me humble.  And THAT is OK.  It is.    I don't need to be full of myself, nor think that I am TOTALLY where I need to be.  I think that fear is a touch of the godly fear that ...does drive me and keeps me seeking. 

And Two, sometimes I feel I need to defend God or 'explain' why something is or is not and other times, I feel the need the explanation just for myself. I guess, no, I know, I have to be comfortable with the notice that I don't have to have an answer for everything.    Now...does that make sense?   I am not sure I am able to convey it in words...but will trust the Holy Spirit as I blog this out -- He will confirm it to the reader or He will just remind the reader and me...that God is BIG enough.    

So there.  I was honest.  

Authenticity to all. 

Transparency to some. 

Intimate with a few.  

That is from Beth Moore....  I may be more intimate with a few more than maybe most.  ( OK, MORE than many!) ....but... this is me.  I have come to the realization that if you read my blogs or don't read them, or love me or don't love me ... it is up to you.  God does.  My husband does.  And my kids do -- and that is all I have to worry about.  


I do pray these past few blogs on FEAR have been a help to at least one.   I am heading into the home stretch with these Marriage prayers.  With this series, my husband and I have had several new people inquire about us and to us. 

In fact, I was speaking with one through Messenger and told him I could get him the number of our Marriage Therapist and he replied, "I already have -  I got her number through another  you gave it to".  That floored us.  I know we live in a small town -- but I will believe  it was for God's glory!!   But, I admit, It was a bit real and weird  when we realized others knew our story...and we had not shared our story with those particular people.  But that is OK too. It is actually perfect, because we have given permission to those we speak with to share our story if it will help another.  God won!    Both Bren and I know that we know - He did not save our marriage for us to just walk off into the sunset and perhaps head to Vegas and see a Donny and Marie Show.  ( LOL )  ( I actually was pricing that out this am ... Christmas present to me!)  But, seriously -- it is time to pray -- 


Lord God Almighty, first of all I praise Your Name for being the Lord of our lives and our marriage.  I praise You Father for the healing You have done within us and please continue.  I praise You Father for being the comforter in all fears.  I pray specifically for those reading this that have to REAL fears...God I pray that THIS week, they will seek help through others and whatever resources You provide around them...that they may WANT freedom.    And then I pray for the marriages associated with these blogs and for those reading these prayers that I don't even realize... may FEAR be something they recognize for what it is and call it out.  May the hurting one or one waiting patiently for a miracle... reflect and seek You if they have any type of fear.   

Me... relief after conquering my fear of white water rafting!  

And Lord, for all reading this - and for my own family -- may they WANT and seek that godly FEAR that I wrote about in the last blog.  May the time and effort spent sitting at this computer be productive in bringing hope, healing, and even salvation for the one who is hurting.  God - Use this Lord for Your Glory - IN Jesus' Name, Amen.  

Marriage is HARD. Bold prayers and Godly fear. #33

So, as I said -- I am still on this FEAR thing... if you read yesterday's blog - I touched upon it. Truth be told, my fear was leaking into my conversations with my husband and I found myself 'acting' in a manner that he quickly noticed as "NEEDY" and "NAGGY".  

The photo I posted here as a photo of FEAR as well...LOL.  This was BEFORE I went white water rafting.  FEAR is indeed real... but it doesn't have to control us or destroy us. 

 
I do want to blog more about that -- but basically I first want to blog and share about the RIGHT kind of fear we need.  Godly FEAR! 

 

What is Godly Fear?

Godly Fear: Fear of Not Being in Covenant Relationship with God.

To have godly fear a person first has to have a relationship with God, a everlasting covenant. It would be most fearful if this relationship was lost or tarnished. Jeremiah 32:40 advises us God’s everlasting covenant where he will not turn away and he will put fear in our hearts.

Jeremiah 32:40, And I will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I will not turn away from them, to do them good; but I will put my fear in their hearts, that they shall not depart from me.”


Godly Fear: A Fervent Desire to Stay in Relationship With a Most Awesome God.

Godly fear is an emotion that God wants us to have in our heart and it is an essential part of God’s salvation plan. This is a fear driven by our fervent desire to do everything possible to stay in relationship with the most awesome, most powerful, most loving person in the universe. Hebrews 12:28 advises us of God giving us kingdom through grace and where serve God with godly fear.
Hebrews 12:28, “Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear.”


Godly Fear: A Fear of God that Keeps Us and Assures Us Eternal Life.

Godly fear a precious, all-consuming emotion that enables us to have an eternal relationship with God and to avoid the snares of this world. Proverbs 14:27 advises us that godly fear is the fountain of lie that keeps us from the snares of death.

Proverbs 14:27, “The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death.”

Godly Fear Preserves us From Evil.

Godly fear is the evidence that we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. This fear boils up in us because we have realized that only the Lord through his mercy and truth can purge the deadly effects of sin from our mortal bodies and souls. Proverbs 16:6 advises us that mercy and truth purges sin, and by godly fear men depart evil.

Proverbs 16:6, “By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil.”

Godly Fear: The Outward Manifestation of Our Hope in God’s Grace.

When we truly place all of our hope in God, our hope becomes a fervent emotion filled with godly fear. Our emotions are now heightened and focused on God as we now look to him as our sure and only hope for eternal salvation. Psalm 33:18 advises us that God will watch over those who fear God and hope in his mercy.

Psalm 33:18, “Behold, the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy;.”

The Reality of God’s Holiness Brings Us into Godly Fear.

Godly fear comes to us when we come into relationship with God and His holiness is revealed to us. When we truly understand the godliness of God, we come into a new reality. We are awe struck when we realize that we are in the presence of someone not like anyone we have ever met in our lives.

Revelation 15:4 advises us we should fear and glorify God for He is holy.

Revelation 15:4, “Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? for thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy judgments are made manifest.”


That all sounded REAL good - didn't it?   I am NOT that smart.  It comes from a site called, "Access Jesus" and it put into words what I wanted to express.   I tried to find the author's name, but it wasn't to be found. Maybe someone there 'copied' it from another as well.  My point being is this...

If...BOTH marriage partners HAD Godly fear....they would most likely be in a GOOD and thriving marriage.  Period.  Right??  

Today's prayer:  

Lord,  in just this past week, YOU have brought two more desperate couples and people to my husband or myself or both of us.... we won't allow THIS burden to damper our spirits or our believe that YOU can win, but we do claim in faith that if these new ones will SEEK YOU...   allow YOU to grow them and be OBEDIENT....then we know we will see new fruit and new marriages with better relationships.  God, the bottom line is YOU .   There is no blog or self help book that can do anything better than a true salvation experience and humbling before  You Lord.  May each of these couples, read this and may new spouses read this and question their Own selves....  do I possess Godly fear Lord?   If not... help me, forgive me and heal me Lord.  IN Jesus Name, Amen.   

Marriage is HARD, Bold prayers -- Being fearful. #32

 I wrote the following blog back in 2012.  It was the year we were in the 'healing' house and it was the year that we watched both children beginning  to reestablish their relationship with their dad.   The Holy Spirit brought me to this post because of the title.  

The title was:  God is just not a band aid, He is a healer.  So I read.  And I was amazed to read in between the lines about fear.  My fear.   We are in a new season. My husband and I are in a new season.  He has retired and God brought me a new mentor this past Spring, one lady that sharpens my iron.  And as  she asks me, "what can I pray for you about?"... I reply.  And just in chatting over the past month, I revealed something to her.  Actually -- I am totally sure the Holy Spirit spoke to her and she claimed it -- "Michelle, You are fearful of this new season".  She reminded me she would pray and that I could rebuke it but also she gave good advice as she has been married a few more years than myself and she reminded me of what MEN want/need.    Bingo....     Once I rebuked it - stuff began to make PERFECT sense and what was bothering me a few days before - was gone.  Fear.  

So, since then...I have been seeking God about a blog for marriages and fear and I am still not too sure I am ready to write it.  There can be so many angles with fear - but tonight, the Holy Spirit brought  me here.... 

As I said this, I did write this back in late August of 2012.  But there is a prayer at the end and I pray that if the Holy Spirit brought you to these blogs, maybe you need to pray about being fearful as well.  

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I wanted to make sure that the photo is first.  This is my dining room table.  This is not my bible, but praise God  as it belongs to the spiritual head of our home.  Praise God.

I have not written much in the past month, been busy enjoying summer. 

We went to Wisconsin, rented a Harley and had a great time.  I got loved on by many nieces and nephews and each day brought  many new things to light.  My joy was to watch HP and his interactions with the little ones.  He is sort of a celebrity with the younger ones, cause he is this kid that plays soccer and shows up maybe once a year now.  He has a tender heart towards the little ones, he reminds me of my brother Trevor and his uncanny ability to hover over little ones.

 Taylor got quality time with her nieces and nephews too, she enjoyed each and everyone of them - they are all so different.  After the trip, she realized that from this point on, her visits will be few and far between and they will grow up, and so she says, "why did we ever move away?".  She is 21 now, she has her own life and going to Wisconsin will probably be on her terms and when she schedules it.  And I realized that she realized that when we grow up- things change.  And that is hard to accept at times.  I remember being at that age, it is hard.

Our Harley trip was just plain wonderful - almost 700 miles.  We rode with my brother one day in 103 degree heat, and another with he and his wife - fun, fun, fun. And one day we rode solo -  many conversations and sights, but I am keeping that to myself for now - God used the trip to heal.

Back to blogging --"what shall I blog about Lord?".  "Lord, it has been several weeks, I want to write.".........

Then something really special happened and several different things transpired and I found my purse with about 4-5 scraps of paper of verses that have been my thoughts for the past month and I decided to just share those....

God's word is alive and it is active....is is a living word.  When you read it over, and come back to a story or spot either a few days later or even a year later, it is only GOD that can do this....it speaks to me ..to us ..again in a different manner.


Psm 25 - In you Lord my God,  I put my trust....This is the beginning of the Psalm that I am presently working on memorizing.  My hubby has about 12 verses down and he practices nightly and I should know them as well by now with all the quizzing, but this is my challenge right now.  Along with two other ladies, I am attempting to learn a verse a day.    The coolest thing, how this Psalm has been right at the forefront of my mind, and when in prayer for others, it is the blessing of praying HIS word that just makes me feel so connected to my Lord.   As, HIS word is alive and active.  When praying for another, it does not feel like God put a band-aid on, it seems like HE really healed her with HIS words, that is why I say, HE is a healer.


God also allowed me to be a part of a healing of a physical need with another - I will keep this one to myself, but to know that you know you followed what HE asked, is humbling.  AND, to see and experience a mire touch of HIS healing - wow!

 God also answered a MIGHTY prayer for another warrior in HIS name and to see that person be set free of many years of oppression is just truly a miracle.  Authentic Faith creates miracles.  I guess I would love to tell that whole story but it is not mine to tell, I just praise God that I got to be a part of it and I got to see it transpire.  God is a complete healer!


John 14.13  And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.   So, this verse.....Let me explain.  I am in constant prayer each day.  It would seem that Enemy likes to continue to haunt me about certain things.  But in Wisconsin, I had 7 days of peace...I mean, being away from our normal routine ---the Enemy still would hit me on a few things, but NOTHING of what  he lies to me about when I am in Okeechobee.  I am not sure I am explaining myself, but the point I am trying to make is that after 6 days of real peace, I realized that SOME day...the little bread crumbs of our past...WILL be gone...THEY won't hurt anymore....THEY really won't come to mind unless something really makes us think or talk about them and it was just the most sweetest presence of learning that.  THAT happened on the Harley, in the middle of Spring Green, Wisconsin, with HIS sun shinning on my face, my husband grabbing my leg and giving it a squeeze, and me, just holding onto him and enjoying the ride!     God is the healer, I experienced MORE than a band-aid.

Psalm 32.2  "Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him".  
No comment on this verse, it fits right in with my realization of HOW great God's healing is.  Nothing is counted against me.  Not my idolatry...not my pride...not my sin....wow!

These verses also made it to my purse:

I can do everything through him who gives me strength      Phil 4.13
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.       Prov. 16.3
God has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.     Eph. 1.3
For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.         1 John 5.5


I found this too:

"Human frailty is another thing that gets between God's words of assurance and our own words of and thoughts.  When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God seems to be non-existent. But remember God's assurance to us - 'I will never ....forsake you'.... have you learned  to sing after hearing God's keynote?  Are we continually filled with enough courage to say,  'The Lord is my helper'  or do we yield to fear?"
            - Oswald Chambers


I guess I   wasn't  completely fearful, but as my family continues to heal and as my husband and I continue to walk on new territory in our marriage, I was being gripped with some fear.  We have 'graduated' our counsel with our therapist but we still seek counsel from our Pastor and his wife.  We have really moved beyond much of our past, but the past seems to creep in.  I never want to be blindsided again, but I also don't want to shove or skirt anything under the rug that needs to be dealt with.  So, I laid it before HIM.

  And then, God reminded me, HE has this.  But HE has to be the center.  HE is.    We are never going to be perfect.  The consequences of our past ( both of us ) will forever be something that changed us - but in a good way.  The speaker yesterday at church spoke about Ester, her destiny was to save her people.  She was in the right spot and God used her.  God is using us.  God has put more than a band-aide over us and our relationship.  God has just been using this summer to let us grow deeper in knowledge of HIM and in turn, our entire family benefits and is restored.  


One moment at a time, one prayer at a time, one memory at a time.  God does 360's.  I have said it before and HE continually reminds me that HE is more than a band-aide.  HE is Lord.

Be blessed.  If you are in any sort of trial - I know that I know, God wins, HE can restore what the locusts have taken and HE wants to be your LORD.  Be encouraged, be set free.

I love this photo of us - 2012..we have since gotten a few wrinkles!

- michelle


So we pray - God -- fear can grip us so tightly and yet it can masquarade as something else and begin to put a wedge into a marriage where there DOES not need to be one.  
You know my heart Lord and the list is now longer as Bren and I picked up a few more names to pray for and intercede for ...but YOU Lord will win.  YOU LORD are a healer and You can put band aids on us and yet, I know that I know - YOU do heal perfectly.  

Lord for that one this eve that is fearful - may she or he realize WHERE that fear is coming from and rebuke it.  And I pray Lord that YOU will be glorified in all of this.   Again ..for those in trouble, I am praying and speaking by faith that Your marriage will endure and be better than ever.  IN Jesus name. Amen.