I am dealing ( dealt) with that stronghold again.
And again, I come to this blog site, as this blog is a part of my journal .... and it is a part of my own therapy --- I write. However, before I write, I think and think and talk to God and talk to myself.
Some would say - I write too much.
Some don't read my blogs because they are JUST too long. Others may thrive on EVERY word like I do at times when I am seeking God and searching for help. The problem can be when we search and search for an easy answer on social media, a blog, or through another and yet, don't GET into God's Word and SEEK HIM for the healing and answer.
I totally was and still CAN be that person....because that bible seems pretty daunting at times and I still, on routine say a prayer ---"Lord, I want to crave it more...I NEED it more and I want to hunger for it like NO other".
Some may read and wonder "WHO" I may be speaking about. As early in my blogging career, I would blog pretty quickly about a topic or a hurt to make my point and try my best to be very general -- but if you were pretty close to me, you probably figured out who or what was bothering me.
But I honestly pray and need to believe that GOD draws people to read this blog and it does touch a head and heart and it helps. Maybe it just makes the reader realize....'they are OK as well'.
As I said, it was time. I have allowed FEAR to creep into an area of my marriage. Pretty plain and simple, my husband is in a VERY new season and I was used to knowing where and what his world was for the past 30 years and now I don't. Even though... that control issue crept into our marriage crisis some ten years ago, and it messed stuff up ... we are human and flesh and well, sometimes we just GET SCARED.
As I have mentioned, a dear godly new pal, that God has brought into my life, called it out. And literally once, she called it out in me -- within the next 10 minutes, a weight had been lifted and I began to SEE much more through NEW eyes and indeed - got with God to take away that fear.
The last blog spoke about godly fear -- I loved that blog. I HAVE that fear. Basically I want to be so in tune and in line with God that I am THAT close to Him. I don't have any fear through him, but there is a longing and a wanting to STICK there. Close.
School has started and I have 28 new young ones within my room each day. Several I sit with at lunch and I listen. I also watch and see what they wear, what they draw, and how they react. Some bring such joy and others, make me pray. This past week, I saw one of my former students wearing a t-shirt with the words, "friends with my demons". I couldn't find the graphic on the web, but this photo is pretty close or HOW I saw the t-shirt.
I even spoke to her and asked exactly what the t-shirt meant. And then I prayed that she would NEVER ever wear that again. However, I will watch and pay attention. I have her brother in my classroom each day now -- prayer works and I am believing that we will revisit this.
I do stay away from certain stuff. I don't watch scary movies or allow SOME of the stuff that is OUT there in. And I guard my time and my eyes. Satan is very real... and maybe more of us should really have MORE fear of him... as he certainly is alive and well in this present time. I pray that more of us adults, parents, and people of influence around these young ones - speak UP. Be prayed up to guide and direct these young ones in LOVE to avoid this enemy.
But the truth of this concept is within marriages as well... Young married couples and many older married couples have LET in the enemy and when the marriage falls apart or begins to show cracks -- they WONDER why. OPEN the eyes people! When our children were little -- babies...we NEVER would of allowed a TV show or something with this type of message to grace their presence...so WHY do we excuse it or allow it as teens or even adults? WE haven't changed that much --
So back to my fear -- as I said, I allowed the enemy to creep into my head and whisper a simple notion..."he can't be trusted again".... "he is around LOTS of new women again and he will forget you"..... and this one was classic..."he no longer needs you - he has new people to listen to". Yep.. I fell. Hook . Line. Sinker.
It can be SO easy at times to allow the enemy to whisper -- even when your armor is on, even when you are seeking God, even when it seems ALL is well. It just happens. We are human.
But God Wins! I just felt the need to be open and honest and remind those praying for a marriage, praying through a hard season of marriage, or those in a very hard place within their marriage...... is the enemy bombarding you with fear? I would pray and ask that you check inwardly first and battle and overcome that--- and then continue!
I am not belittling this stronghold..there are many fears. Fear of not having enough food...fear of not being able to go OUT of the house and a maybe even a fear of a young granddaughter falling and hurting herself.
AND these fears are real and need to be attended to and dealt with. And I only added that in last one about a grandchild falling because of my own husband. I don't believe, Bren, my husband, was EVER this fearful with our own two kids. When SJ or Ava is near ANYTHING, his first words are ....BE CAREFUL.. or.. Chell, she is going to fall!
But, I know with even a sweet friend, who deals with a family member, that these fears are very real and with this one being so fearful -- it is totally overcoming her life. Real Fear.
I shared about being fearful with my husband and his new career path and yet, to be totally honest, there are still two more fears that I must confess.
One, I am fearful - at times, that I am just NOT doing or being who God wants me to be. Now, mind you -- I get confirmation and many encourage me and I have seen fruit from some very hard times of prayer....but still. There is still this little girl inside of me that wants affirmation. It just may be that thorn in my side ( like Paul wrote about ) that keeps me humble. And THAT is OK. It is. I don't need to be full of myself, nor think that I am TOTALLY where I need to be. I think that fear is a touch of the godly fear that ...does drive me and keeps me seeking.
And Two, sometimes I feel I need to defend God or 'explain' why something is or is not and other times, I feel the need the explanation just for myself. I guess, no, I know, I have to be comfortable with the notice that I don't have to have an answer for everything. Now...does that make sense? I am not sure I am able to convey it in words...but will trust the Holy Spirit as I blog this out -- He will confirm it to the reader or He will just remind the reader and me...that God is BIG enough.
So there. I was honest.
Authenticity to all.
Transparency to some.
Intimate with a few.
That is from Beth Moore.... I may be more intimate with a few more than maybe most. ( OK, MORE than many!) ....but... this is me. I have come to the realization that if you read my blogs or don't read them, or love me or don't love me ... it is up to you. God does. My husband does. And my kids do -- and that is all I have to worry about.
I do pray these past few blogs on FEAR have been a help to at least one. I am heading into the home stretch with these Marriage prayers. With this series, my husband and I have had several new people inquire about us and to us.
In fact, I was speaking with one through Messenger and told him I could get him the number of our Marriage Therapist and he replied, "I already have - I got her number through another you gave it to". That floored us. I know we live in a small town -- but I will believe it was for God's glory!! But, I admit, It was a bit real and weird when we realized others knew our story...and we had not shared our story with those particular people. But that is OK too. It is actually perfect, because we have given permission to those we speak with to share our story if it will help another. God won! Both Bren and I know that we know - He did not save our marriage for us to just walk off into the sunset and perhaps head to Vegas and see a Donny and Marie Show. ( LOL ) ( I actually was pricing that out this am ... Christmas present to me!) But, seriously -- it is time to pray --
Lord God Almighty, first of all I praise Your Name for being the Lord of our lives and our marriage. I praise You Father for the healing You have done within us and please continue. I praise You Father for being the comforter in all fears. I pray specifically for those reading this that have to REAL fears...God I pray that THIS week, they will seek help through others and whatever resources You provide around them...that they may WANT freedom. And then I pray for the marriages associated with these blogs and for those reading these prayers that I don't even realize... may FEAR be something they recognize for what it is and call it out. May the hurting one or one waiting patiently for a miracle... reflect and seek You if they have any type of fear.
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| Me... relief after conquering my fear of white water rafting! |
And Lord, for all reading this - and for my own family -- may they WANT and seek that godly FEAR that I wrote about in the last blog. May the time and effort spent sitting at this computer be productive in bringing hope, healing, and even salvation for the one who is hurting. God - Use this Lord for Your Glory - IN Jesus' Name, Amen.
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