Marriage is HARD, Bold Payers and Truths, #26 Consequences

It is late.  It has been a very sad day. 
 Something has happened and it has -- 

HIT too too close to home.  Too close.  

I have been writing these prayers and yes, if you follow this blog, you understand that our marriage was in Crisis some 10+ years ago and an earthquake hit and Satan almost killed our marriage and us.  But..God Won.  

I say this because...we NEVER set out,  as we took our vows some 30+ years ago,  that we would walk through infidelity and its consequences and then use that experience to help others.  

We really do not want to be the poster child for this.  When you see us out and about -- I don't want the first words out of your mouth to be ...."do you know what they went through?".  

 We want to show that God can heal and restore.  We want to be the poster child for His Grace and Mercy.  And proclaim to many -- God won.  God wins.  God is good!  

IN fact, it has only been recently where we are  both in agreement that God wants us to be His hands and feet and He will use us to encourage and pray for couples that He brings to us.  We don't wish to come face to face with Jesus at the end  of this world and he looks at us and says, " oh you are saved and welcome to heaven, but why didn't you do this when I asked?  And look at the rewards you could of had..." 

 I have done these series of prayers for marriages before, however, this time the attack is greater and the struggles are more real.  I totally believe this is because we are further along in the Kingdom Calendar and we are more in the season of the END Times than we were even a year ago!  

Not only do I see Satan try to weasel his way into our marriage, but I have had more women contact me like never before.  And even if they don't contact me...I can 'see it' with my eyes on social media or even while watching a couple have dinner at Longhorn!  But it is not only me...but my husband  sees it often as well.   We both see it.   In fact, in the last year - God has used him in a mighty way to speak life to several people and couples that INDEED..God can change your heart.  And the glory goes to God!   And yet... on a night like tonight...on a day like today...I question...

Did we do enough?  We prayed this eve ...and believe we did what we could.  Now we will pray for the families- both sides. 

We can share our testimony and we have the MIGHTY power of prayer...but when it comes down to it -- we have free will.  The couples and people we speak and pray with ..have to WANT to seek Jesus and Holy Spirit and be willing to totally WORK at redeeming something that is broken.  

Tonight I went to  Goggle  and typed in:  'Christian marriage and adultery' and I was met with over 10 pages of sites, articles, and good info.   I was overwhelmed.  And recent stats say that 60% of all couples will deal with some sort of infidelity.  One article stated 23% of Ministers!!  I even found out that in Michigan and Wisconsin it is a felony to commit adultery!  

It is also a commandment.  Thou shall not commit adultery.  

It rains on the just and the unjust.... meaning no one is exempt from the spiritual warfare to destroy God's people.  Again, forgive me if I am repeating myself, Lysa Terkuerest recently posted on Social Media that her marriage was in a  redeeming mode and she even has a new book coming out in November that her husband gave her permission to write.  "It  wasn't suppose to be this way". 

 She is pretty famous..have a major ministry and well over 1 million followers on social media and has written several books and yet last February of 2017 announced that she was going to divorce her husband.  Repeated counsel would not stop him from an adulterous relationship.  Whether 'famous' or just a neighbor...this crisis can affect anyone.  

This is NOT God's intention.  This is man's flesh...This -- woman's flesh.... we will bypass truth for love...for affection...for happiness...  we are such lazy and needy people.  

And too many of us who should speak up ...are not.  We must be bold and speak truth in love and it seems like too many are too worried about what others will think.  It won't matter what others think when we stand face to face with Jesus.  

"It wasn't suppose to be this way!" 
 Tonight - a mother is mourning her son who basically killed himself last night.  Leaving three children.  He has a wife - but they were separated.  I am sure many will state, "he was crazy and tried to kill her".  And yet.. there was more.  He wanted his marriage.  I know.  He declared that to several.     But...it wasn't suppose to be this way.  MY heart has ached ALL day.  This hits TOO close to home.  

I kept asking God - WHAT do I say...  WHAT can I say??  Why?  And I know why... it is because of Evil...period.  But I also feel that maybe...well, I do believe THIS could have been prevented.  A man was so desperate and rejected that he just snapped and the ripple effect of this - will last for generations. It is just not these two families, but their extended families and the ones that were within ear shot and the ones they worked with....it goes on and on.   

You can make choices but you can't negotiate or plan the consequences.  

I do want to say this -- or ask, Do you love Jesus?  
Did he die for your sins?   If the answer is yes, then I am betting you are a Christian.  

So with that -- do you know about the GREAT Commission?   It is that - Jesus commanded ALL of us -- to share His gospel.   WE are ALL to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  

Too too too many of us are just being still.  Getting fed.  Getting fat...and seeking others to minister to us and feed us and we are not SERVING .... 

Everyone is called to do some sort of SERVICE.  WE serve by being a part of a body of Christ... most likely a church body.  We need the covering of a Pastor and the feeding of the Word to become healthy.  

When we are healthy, meaning you have a good relationship with God,  there is inner healing within your heart and life, and you are grounded in a body of believers with Spiritual Covering.....   then, it is time for us to open our eyes and ask God -- what can I do for YOUR Kingdom today?  

I have prayed, pondered, and  cried all day -- but I truly believe that a death could of been avoided.   One can't play with fire ...and not expect to get burned! 

 And by no means do I feel the first responders were at fault or to blame. I commend them for trying their best to subdue a situation.    I am not saying that this young father  wouldn't have 'snapped' and tried to take his life....but I do believe  that there were the RIGHT people around him and the others  involved in this, months ago. I believe there was opportunity for a voice to be heard.   I believe there were  people that should have  stepped up when  God had the appointed time  laid out - and called sin --sin.  There I said it.  And as I type...I have sought forgiveness as well.  I am going to have to give myself time to grieve the disappointment of those that just 'stayed too quiet'. And again, I ask God...was there more I could of done?     

It wasn't suppose to be this way.  

Lord, forgive me - and thank you.  My anger has been released.  I know that You know everything and it is really none of my concern but I feel so strongly that many of us, could have  done more.  I forgive those I totally believe are to blame and pray for all the children and families involved within last night's shooting.  Continue to use Bren and myself when You present us with a couple,  or a spouse who has been rejected,   or just  remind us to pray with a simple bystander at the mall -- we want to see and feel your presence and know that it brings you JOY when we are living our testimony.
   And I pray and read  these 40 consequences... I pray that  at least one person reading them,  who may be in a situation where they believe the grass is green on the other side, I pray they will stop and get out of that situation and work on their marriage .  And if it is not fixable -- then divorce and get healing before you get involved again.   God, I pray anyone reading this who is  thinking about or playing with the idea of an  adulterous relationship, that   they  would stay seated within their OWN castle and spend the time that they want to invest in the 'other person' ....with their current spouse!   I also pray for all parties that may be feeling guilt...that they will seek forgiveness and work their darness to seek God's Mercy and healing for all involved.   God I rebuke the enemy from this blog and I ask You protect it and me if I was out of line.  And Lord, I know and can totally GET the hurt of 'wanting' to just end the pain and when you think that maybe....everyone would be just better if "I was gone"....Lord...this is becoming too much of a 'thing'.  God I pray that just one person reading this would seek the help needed...and that help may be just one of those Christians sitting right next to them...  God I pray they will be BOLD enough to serve you -- there is so much that YOU can do through us as Your hands and feet.  God is is time that those of us who just 'sit'....begin to move.  And serve.  In Jesus name, Amen.  

I found this following article and it is sobering.  It is written by Dave Boehi.  If you read where this came from, it actually came from a seminary student that had listed 100 consequences of Adultery.  Mr. Boehi only selected the 40 he presented.  

It is written from the standpoint, "If I committed adultery"...  I read these and just hurt.  It is a hard list to read but it is reality.  

40 Consequences of Adultery

The counterfeit pleasure of an affair can never overcome the ways infidelity can destroy a life and marriage.

By Dave Boehi

We were praying for someone who was cheating on his wife. And I was struck by what one person said in his prayer: “Lord, work in his heart so that he will think less about the pleasure he is experiencing and more about the pain he is causing.”

That seemed quite appropriate to me. A spouse who is caught up in adultery is living only for the moment, caught up in a fantasy of excitement and desire, and ignoring the very real consequences.

Recently a seminary paper came across my desk titled “100 Consequences of Adultery,” written by Philip Jay, a student at Phoenix Seminary. The list provides a stark wake-up call about the ways infidelity can destroy a life and marriage. Here’s a selection from Jay’s list, presented with his permission:

If I committed adultery…

1.      My relationship with God would suffer from a break in fellowship.

2.      I would need to seek forgiveness from my Lord.

3.      I would suffer from the emotional consequences of guilt.

4.      I would spend countless hours replaying the failure.

5.      My wife would suffer the scars of this abuse more deeply than I could begin to describe.

6.      My wife would spend countless hours in counseling.

7.      My wife’s recovery would be long and painful.

8.      Her pain would grieve me deeply and compound my own suffering and shame.

9.      Our relationship would suffer a break in trust, fellowship, and intimacy.

10.  We would be together, yet feel great loneliness.

11.  The reputation of my family would suffer loss.

12.  My sons would be deeply disappointed and bewildered.

13.  My grandchildren would not understand.

14.  My friends would be disappointed and would question my integrity.

15.  I would lose my job at church.

16.  My witness among neighbors would become worthless.

17.  My witness to my brother would be worthless.

18.  My testimony among my wife’s family would be damaged.

19.  I might never be employed by a church again.

20.  I might never be in men’s ministry leadership.

21.  I would suffer God’s discipline.

22.  Satan would be thrilled at my failure.

23.  Satan would work overtime to be sure my shame never departed.

24.  My wife might divorce me.

25.  My children might never speak to me.

26.  Our mutual friends would shy away from us and break fellowship.

27.  I would bring emotional pain to the woman.

28.  I would bring reproach upon the woman.

29.  If the woman is married, her husband might attempt to bring harm.

30.  He might divorce her.

31.  An unwanted child could be produced.

32.  My part in conception might trigger an abortion, the killing of an innocent child.

33.  Disease might result.

34.  Some might conclude that all Christians are hypocrites.

35.  My business could fail because I couldn’t be trusted.

36.  My leadership among those I have led in the past might also be diminished in impact.

37.  My zeal for ministry would suffer and possibly result in others not continuing in ministry.

38.  My health would suffer.

39.  I might have to start life over again.

40.  This same sin might be visited upon my family for four generations.

Or maybe #41 
 If I committed adultery, how many other people will I hurt?

It’s a pretty sobering list, isn’t it? What’s even more sobering is that many people will consider these consequences and still proceed in their sin. The fantasy is more important to them than the reality.

Also note that, though the list reflects a man’s perspective, nearly all the consequences would also apply to a wife committing adultery. The biggest benefit of this list may be in helping all of us realize the need to set up strict safeguards to ensure that we are faithful in our marriage commitment. If I am convinced of what adultery would do to me and to my family, I will watch my wandering eyes, guard my thought life, and avoid any situations that could put me in harm’s way.

The fantasy is just not worth it