Marriage is Hard, Bold Prayers #27 - the day after

Yesterday's post was a hard one.  I went back to it this AM and edited several parts of it.  I had prayed over it and wanted to make sure it was giving God glory  and not defaming the character of God.

I updated the post and then went to work.  And I had a conversation with God. 
Was my purpose for Your Goodness Lord?   I went back and forth within my thoughts for a few minutes and then turned on the radio.

God is so sweet.  I heard..."a blog is for an opinion to be expressed, you expressed your opinion"

Then, because God knew how Satan was going to come against me...He spoke to two other really important people within my life, and they were obedient to God and reached out to me, encouraged me, and basically said, "your blog is right on".   God felt,  my opinion mattered.

So today -- I will be transparent.  I grieved a lot today.  But I also heard my own husband say, "hey... I thanked God today that I wasn't shot or hung".  It is what it is.  Those simple words, were  more healing to me because he acknowledged HOW painful rejection really is. And he acknowledged his admiration to me for fighting to save our marriage.    We are in a BIG place and season of healing. We are in a healthy spot ...that is the ONLY way we would be able to share our testimony with another couple -- to give them encouragement that God can change people.  That is the ONLY way I would have the freedom to write and be transparent.    Believe me...I am not this 'spiritual strong woman'...I fully rely on Jesus and believe that God will win.  And I just say that to remind those family members that are trying to cope and ask, "why?".... no one wants pain and we will, at times, do the most outrageous and crazy things to alleviate that pain.  I know, as I said, this hits TOO close to home. 

 I spent much of the day, praying and reciting in my head one particular prayer.  There are many hurting because of the recent shooting that was TOO Close to home, but there are probably several experiencing extreme guilt and wonder.  I  prayed for them.   I prayed for everyone and I prayed again to forgive those whom, in my opinion, may be to blame.  I said the words ...my heart does not feel it yet...but it will.  The Bible calls us to forgive - we must. 

With that,  emotions get stirred up,  and I spent  the day, consistently reminding myself that love covers a multitude of sins.    That is the forgiveness part.   God loves - more than I ever can.

And in those days where I am waiting or I am trying to forgive... I seek praise and worship music but I also  seek a grace gift I have. My Prayer Language ...is is a tongue that is between myself and God.  I am able to speak directly to HIM and it is comforting and it edifies  me.   It builds me up when often I just want to crawl into the fetal position and disappear for several days.  And I also ......
I read Scriptures in God's Word.  I also like to  pray psalms.

This one happens to be one of my favorites.   No prayer posted today.  I would ask that you read this psalm and pray it. Pray it that when God asks you to be His hands and feet -- that You are ready. 

Psalm 25 The Passion Translation (TPT)

Don’t Fail Me, God![a]

25 King David’s poetic praise to God
1 Forever I will lift up my soul into your presence, Lord.
2 Be there for me, God, for I keep trusting in you.
    Don’t allow my foes to gloat over me or
    the shame of defeat to overtake me.
3 For how could anyone be disgraced
    when he has entwined his heart with you?
    But they will all be defeated and ashamed
    when they harm the innocent.
4 Lord, direct me throughout my journey
    so I can experience your plans for my life.
    Reveal the life-paths that are pleasing to you.
5 Escort me along the way; take me by the hand and teach me.
    For you are the God of my increasing salvation;
    I have wrapped my heart into yours![b]
6–7 Forgive my failures as a young man,
    and overlook the sins of my immaturity.
    Give me grace, Lord! Always look at me
    through your eyes of love—

    your forgiving eyes of mercy and compassion.
    When you think of me, see me as one you love and care for.
    How good you are to me!
8 When people turn to you,
    they discover how easy you are to please—so faithful and true!
    Joyfully you teach them the proper path,
    even when they go astray.
9 Keep showing the humble your path,
    and lead them into the best decision.
    Bring revelation-light that trains them in the truth.
10 All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who follow the ways of his covenant.
11 For the honor of your name, Lord,
    never count my sins, and forgive them all—
    lift their burden off of my life![c]
12 But still one question remains:
    How do I live in the holy fear of God?
    Show me the right path to take.
13 Then prosperity and favor will be my portion,
    and my descendants will inherit all that is good.
14 There’s a private place reserved for the lovers of God,
    where they sit near him and receive
    the revelation-secrets of his promises.[d]
15 Rescue me, Lord, for you’re my only hero.
16 Sorrows fill my heart as I feel helpless, mistreated—
    I’m all alone and in misery!
    Come closer to me now, Lord, for I need your mercy.
17 Turn to me, for my problems seem to be going from bad to worse.
    Only you can free me from all these troubles!
18 Until you lift this burden, the burden of all my sins,
    my troubles and trials will be more than I can handle.
    Can’t you feel my pain?
19 Vicious enemies hate me.
    There are so many, Lord. Can’t you see?
20 Will you protect me from their power against me?
    Let it never be said that I trusted you
    and you didn’t come to my rescue.
21 Your perfection and faithfulness are my bodyguards,
    for you are my hope and I trust in you as my only protection.
22 Zealously, God, we ask you
    to come save Israel from all her troubles,
    for you provide the ransom price for your people