Marriage is HARD, bold prayers and selfie photos. #30

There it is.  There were many many  photos taken some eight to seven years ago of  me... me with others, me with a funny event...me.  

Me...trying to somehow get a message to my husband...SEE me...SEE me... SEE me.  

And me ..trying to subconsciously tell everyone that I was good and to continue to pray for me and my family.  

And just me...letting you know what was in my head for that day.  

This photo was snapped on a toilet in a restaurant.  I had gone out with friends and caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and was pleased.  I knew I looked good - and I wanted to share it.  But how do you take a selfie in front of your pals??  This was 2010..the selfie craze is very big but in the millennials ...not for a 44 year old!!   I had to sneak them in.  Thus...the bathroom.  I sat down and clicked.  I probably took at least twenty - this is the one that was saved.  

  At that time, in my defense,I wanted my husband to see how skinny I had become.  I wanted him to see the collar bone and the 'gauntness' of my face and of course -- I wanted him to want me.   My flesh was needy.  And yet, he did not have FB or any social media, but I figured MANY would tell him or inquire with him about me and they would show him the selfie and he would realize how WRONG he was and would want our marriage.  

 Mind you -- the skinniness was from  doing the OMG diet.  When someone saw me, they would say, "Oh my goodness Michelle, are you eating?"   I lied and said I was but I wasn't.  Literally I lived on a yogurt for breakfast and taco chips for supper.  When you don't have an appetite - you don't eat.  When you don't eat...your stomach shrinks and your body begins to change.  For for three months, I didn't eat and then when I began to eat again ...it was a little bit and I was usually sick to my stomach because I was under the constant prayer..."will my marriage survive?".  "Will I be divorced?" "What will happen next Lord?" THAT is not the way to lose weight.  It was fun for a season to wear stuff my daughter had in her closet -- but, reality sets back in. 

However in extreme stress and seasons of crisis -- many stop eating.  That was me.   

 Eight years ago when this was taken, my hubs and I  were separated and by August of 2010, I was doing many things that made my flesh feel better because my heart and spirit were hurting so.  Many of those 'things' I am not proud of.  


 By the next August -- August of 2011, there was a bit of a different story.  MUCH had transpired and MUCH had changed, but this picture  below was posted in August of 2011.  At this point, I was very nervous and I did not ask to have our photo taken...our daughter asked us to put our heads together.   We were in the AWKWARD phase.  Our house of 18 years had a contract on it,  we were awaiting the closing of it.  We were back in Marriage counsel and he was on board to try and make our marriage work.  Only God knew the outcome. 

 Me... I didn't even post that photo as by that time, Bren wanted NOTHING to do with social media and wanting NOTHING more to be public.  Our daughert posted that  photo - we were not even sitting next to each other at this family event.  But... I am thankful for this photo -- as I see it, I remind myself that there is always hope.  

Fast forward to now.  Next Wednesday we will celebrate 31 years as a married couple.  We have actually been celebrating for a year... as 30 years with the same person is indeed something rare now days.  Fast forward now, to our lives and our marriage and the fact that my husband has his own FB account now and has given me permission to share and be real on this blog.  We both know - we had a miracle within our marriage and our family and we know God can do it for others as well -- it just takes work, faith, obedience, and a willingness to submit to God and His Counsel.  

 But, the purpose of this blogged prayer today is this...


Stop...  some of us need to stop posting selfies that say everything is OK.  

Stop...some of us need to stop posting selfies of HOW wonderful and glorious our lives are and HOW our husbands walk on water.  

Stop...and some of us need to stop posting selfies that  show and display our fleshy features to let others know we are still of value.

Stop... some of us need to spend that time seeking God rather than scrolling.  

I believe at the bottom -- it is because we are wanting something. 

 Either we are wanting the world to know we are hurting and we want them to hurt with us.  Or we are trying to hurt another.  Or we could be looking for that fix -- 

Either way -- stop.  

Believe me -- I am preaching to the choir!  

I remember when I made that toilet photo my profile photo.  Within a few hours, Taylor was on my cell phone and exclaiming to me to take it down.  I asked why?  She said - MOM, everyone can see you are sitting on a commode!   A good friend posted, I am glad you took that down...you had 'scary' eyes.  

I remember reading posts during that time where "husband week" was created and several of these women would post and brag on their men.  I believed them ...then.  Now...when it happens...I pray. BAck then, I would actually pray .."Lord, I want a husband that I can brag about".  But this also puts undo pressure on a marriage -- expectations.  But that is another blog!  

   Back to those posts about their husbands -- If I know them, I seek God and question.  As if I see fruit within them and around them - it is awesome to celebrate that with them.  But where there is no obvious fruit - I pray.  And, If I really don't know them...I question myself  as to WHY they are my friends on FB, but then  I also pray.   It is not sad to say...I think it is healthy to say that we must watch and patrol our friends list.  We need to guard our hearts.   God is big enough - we are not each other's saviors or junior holy spirits.   

My FB usage has become different in the past two years.  About four years ago, a woman who I hold dear made a comment -- "I stopped." And she has, her comments are limited.  She hardly posts anything or shares much -- but she is a person of influence and I believe she made a godly choice to just stop with social media.  She is still there -- but, I noticed.  And I prayed God.  Because NOW..when she posts -- people pay more attention.  

 I admit.  My husband questions my 'addiction' and now my kids tease me.  So, in the past three years...I have been watching and withdrawing.   I use FB as a tool.  Yes..I share, but I share what I want to see from others.  I want to see family photos and I want to read inspiring good stuff and at a time when I was very desperate, God used FB and a godly servant to remind me, that HE was in control.  So I do believe that social media can be used for good. 

I know I also released the  burden of it.  In fact, on some days - I don't even look at it anymore.   

 I am a recovering, selfie -aholic as well.   Believe me...I am guilty of posting stuff to make everyone know  something.  And I am guilty  of ignoring stuff and  unfriending someone because I just don't want to deal with  or see their posts.     

But now, I truly and honestly seek God before I post.  I am human and I do love a good selfie - its  fun. As I have said before - social media is social media and WAY too often we TAKE our selfies WAY too seriously and need to 'get over ourselves'.  But as our world continues and so many more are using FB for their forum, their political stands, and for their shopping and their business  - it is not going away. 

 I just had to write about selfies.   And today's prayer for marriages.  



Lord God.. FB and other types of social media have helped marriages but also hindered them and caused literal break ups.  Families are being destroyed because you can see the drama being played out on social media.  Lord, I rebuke the enemy from infiltrating the families and couples that are within my close range and believe that indeed one day...they will post a selfie and state- God won.  

Lord, for those couples,especially for the wife who is dealt with infidelity at the moment because there was a hook up on social media.  Lord, may she seek comfort through you and not another.  

Lord for the needy and hurting wife that just wants to be loved..that she would post scripture and seek You rather than that cute pose that makes her look 20# lighter and happier.  

Lord, for that one particular family and you know who it is.  I thank you for answered prayer as they have used social media last night to remind those close around them..that God can win.     When I saw that Lord... that a couple was co-parenting and both of the moms were kind...God ...that could only be because of You and two humbled hearts.  I praise You for that.  

Lord, I am at day #30 or prayer 30.  I would ask God that these last 10...be even more powerful that the first 30.  I pray for the one couple that GOT me started on this series...God I pray for their marriage and that they EACH have had time now, separated, to see and understand what YOUR plan is for them.  

And Lord...I will pray for my funny husband and thank him for being real.  He has had a hard week.  He counsels many men and doesn't exactly SEE the fruit of it - but I know that I know - he will in heaven.  Continue to use us Lord to glorify You in a good way.  Protect us Lord, In Jesus Name.  Amen.