...and on another day -- I just want to crawl up and escape...

1 Cor 15:58 NIV 

Therefore, my dear Michelle - stand firm. Let nothing move you.  Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

( I wrote and posted this blog on Wednesday -- March 12, 2014.  I did not link it to Facebook right away, because I wanted to just 'protect it'.  As I drove back into town after school on Wednesday, I cried out to God and asked HIM to please MEET me at church that night.  HE DID.  Of course. And HE confirmed something.  HE confirmed HIS love for me and spoke directly through another what the bottom line 'fear' was.....I added that in towards the bottom of this blog.  Therefore, this blog is a little long too -- if you are patient and read to the end, I believe you will be blessed.  I have to share -- cause THIS is how God speaks to me and lifts me up  -- and I get encouraged. ) 

Today sucked.
I  almost ran out of gas - not paying attention.
Only 50% of my students are in attendance and I struggle with WHAT to start and what to wait on.
My pants are dirty and I did not realize it.
I said something again to offend another.
I was late for a devotional prayer thing that I was leading today....
I allowed the enemy to whisper to me......and cause me to doubt.
And I heard more disturbing news -- that just saddened me.  It hurt. It brought me to tears and I had to repent of my 'own self-righteousness'......and ask -- HOW can I pray?
And I really WANT a direct Word from God - to remind me - and let me know ...."I am off the hook".

Then I reread the scripture that I have been claiming this week.  1 Cor 15.58 --   to stand firm.

My flesh does not want to believe that now.
My flesh wants a BIG letter from God - addressed to me - reminding me of WHAT good I have done of late.....
My flesh wants affirmation.....just saying.


How can I encourage another when doubt is creeping in?

Today just sucked.
If I could - I would get a punching bag and box this evening....
If I could, I would rewind these past few days.....
If I could,  I would crawl right under my covers and sleep until Spring Break.


But I can't.  I won't.  I will just be still and quiet and know -- no matter what -- HE still adores me.
I may not 'feel' it right now.........but.......

And I don't mean to post this  today  and GRIPE that today  was a 'sucky' day to get LOTS of encouragement ....

ESPECIALLY after I just posted about 'quit the bla bla bla....' yesterday.

I post because  there is another that needs to know -- somedays are JUST like this....

Often our walk is 2 steps forward and one back -- but we must continue to fight!

...even for a woman who knows...GOD wins......there are days in which I must...

I am going to seek the advice of another for a bit -- and go off and Enter the silence ....and wait for hope to appear.

Just saying.

humbled, accepted, adopted, redeemed, and forgiven and blessed
Lord, thank you for today. Thank you for the 'yuck' as it in that -- that You speak.


___________________________________________________________________

Ok, THAT was yesterday.  Today is a NEW day.
WOW how quickly ones disposition can turn, how quickly HE can bring forth a blessing and you get that HUG from God....and all is well again.


For now.  No, seriously - it is WELL within my soul.  Let me explain.

I drove into town.  Prayed. Cried.  Worked.  I had a meeting.  I had to cancel my 'work out time'.  I got news of a loved one passing and cried about that but rejoiced about HOW much time GOD granted to her after her first experience with cancer -- about 17 years ago.  And I went to church.

I know that WHEN I am feeling like I am being beaten up or misunderstood -- GOD reaches down to me and speaks and comforts and makes it good with me.

HE did.  Excellent praise and worship.  I had to hold down the 'greeting' job cause my better half was not there - but I got to pray with a dear woman and be prayed for as well.  AND....I got that word from GOD.

My sister in Christ stated, "michelle, the Lord is telling me - YOU HAVE nothing to fear -- YOU are doing everything I am asking of you and I love you".  Whoa.....tears....humbled.  God does that.  She is my dear pal and we talk alot -- but in the past 2 weeks, I have been barely able to say 5 words to her.....much less allow the right amount of time to VENT to her ....and then seek godly advice.  But God knew that -- and I believe God had us 'quiet' for a time.....so that when HE spoke through her -- it would be SUCH a great revelation to me....a direct Word from my Heavenly FAther.


God does that -- for ALL of us.  For each of us.  For you...if you are reading this and yesterday was the day that ALL HELL broke loose...or a spouse left you....or your divorce was final or you had the meeting to start the process.....or a dear loved one went home to heaven.... or if your Principal mistook your email  and scolded you.....or if your husband assumed something and you felt he did not cherish you...or if you went to church alone cause your family is all against you....or if yesterday was the DAY that sucked for you......today can be a NEW day.

1 Cor 15:58 NIV 

Therefore, my dear Michelle - stand firm. Let nothing move you.  Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Your labor is NOT in vain.... Keep fighting the good fight.  

God will never leave us...nor forsake us...Hebrews 13.5 

God wins.  

God will COME to YOU and speak directly into your head and heart and remind you of HIS love for you as well -- if you let him and ASK.  

It might mean -- getting yourself into church or a place where other sisters in Christ can encourage and PRAY with you...

It might mean -- stopping something that is NOT working.....

It might mean -- changing an attitude....

It might mean - - you need to seek some forgiveness or repent....I am UNSURE of WHAT it is -- but don't let whatever it is...block it.     

This life is a challenge. 

 But....as I laid my head onto my pillow last night at 1:57 am  ( I had the joy of laughing from 9pm - 1am. ..with my sister and my daughter as we drove to and  home from Orlando  International Airport -- we had picked another one of our sisters from Wisconsin...and that was the CHERRY on the Sundae of my day)  

But...as I laid my head on my pillow - and thanked God for HIS faithfulness ....

I prayed for that family that has had HELL descend upon them over the past few days...

And I prayed for a heart that is seeking God...

And I prayed for a husband that wants restoration within his home...

And I prayed for my children and man...and me...I just said - GOD - YOUR will be done.  

Amen.  And Thank you Lord. !!  I love you --  

quit your fussing ....

Whoa -- started that blog post with a bang.  Right? My title originally had the word the rhymes with itching....

Going to get personal here.  Protect me, in that if you wish to contact and discuss this privately, we can discuss this.  If you wish to state your opinion, cause you don't agree with me,  as a comment - you may, but state it constructively.

 I am sharing something that has been on my heart  for some time now and I had to ask myself, Lord are you  sure I should share this?    HE was.  HE  had to remind me of something this past month.  Praise God HE disciplines me and no one out there -- can see it...and I get to 'save face'.   But....with that --   I felt I could share and help another -- hopefully.    As I believe God uses this blog to speak to hearts.

"Quit the verbal bla bla bla bla bla......bla......"

There was a time in my crisis of faith that I had a 'right' to fuss.  I mean, I was wronged...I was betrayed....I was.......

And I was ugly.  For a good month - maybe 60 days.  I was ugly. Verbally.  Mentally.  I 'vomited' on anyone who would listen and I said WAY too much to my kids.   If you were close - you got an earful.  If you called me - I probably shared WAY TO MUCH.    I never really posted anything on Facebook, but the  bible verses I quoted or put as my status were those  of a wounded soul that needed comfort and love.  I wanted responses -- I wanted comfort.  I WANTED someone to defend me and stand up for me.  I did.

They were more narcissistic in nature.    That is not me.  I don't want to be remembered for that.

Ephesians 4.29  Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

There was a post I did on my son - "excuse me, you were never taught to  swear..." I don't even think I will go back in the archives of my blog to find the actual title-- as I really don't want to revisit that one.  I know it was well written.  I few other moms said, "way to go" and "I hear you loud and clear Michelle"......but.....it was not the right forum.

   I wrote that blog because,   my son was choosing to use words that he  was never  taught in our home.  I was angry and mad at his father - it HAD to be his fault.   It HAD to be his choice of friends.   He was a teen and I should of dealt with it privately, but I wrote a blog post and  shunned him and every teenager that was his friend.  And the result -- many of his friends blocked me on Facebook.  He blocked me.  He stopped posting.  He stopped talking.  And he 'tattled' to his dad.  And it was not good.

That was not the ONLY time my words got me in trouble.  I learn the hard way.

Even today, I spoke words to another that should of been kept in confidence...well, I thought they were in confidence, but I put my trust in 'MAN'....and even tonight - MY HEART is sick of how I hurt another.  I have sought her forgiveness....and she extended it, but it will take a good bit for her to trust me again.  And she has a right to be leery.  I was wrong.  

  I made a couple of other references here and there on Facebook  and what was the result? ......My estranged husband-- at the time -- just had MORE FUEL to hold against me and the enemy just used it to remind him, "see, she is a loose cannon and can't be trusted".  Lies.  But I fell into the trap.   I did that.  I allowed myself to take a root of bitterness and then 'bitched' on Facebook.  After those two quick experiences, I learned to guard what I posted.  My dear sisters in Christ knew when to encourage me and I vented to a choice few and coveted their prayers....but for the rest of the world..... they needed to see Jesus within my words.

I know Social Media is just that - social verbage... We share photos, we share the highlights of our day, and some of us post when we are headed to the store, when we are SO  happy, and when the next GATOR game or soccer game is. I get it.  I do it.

I post for my Wisconsin  family.....they hardly call anymore  ( hint hint) - but I can see photos of my nieces and nephews on FB.  And I post  to share what is on my heart.  I use Facebook to ENCOURAGE and let the loves ones who love me....see what my heart and head are thinking.

 I also look and watch to  see what my Christian friends and old classmates are up to.  I love FB.  I enjoy it.  I am a type of person that will write a card rather than call...I feel freedom in expressing what is on my brain rather than telling it.  I laugh at times, cause someone will say, "oh I don't do Facebook" but when you are with them -- they TELL exactly the same stuff - just in a shorter amount of time -- and they share info about others...and they just give you the verbal info - in person.  And I admit, sometimes, I don't make conversation cause I already KNEW that info....as I saw it on FB, but most often, FB gives me the chance to follow up and actually make conversation when I see the person at the grocery store, or elsewhere.  As I said, I like Facebook.

I figure if you don't like me -- or what I post - you will just delete me, block me, or put me  on the list where you don't see my posts in your newsfeed.  And THAT is OK.  I do that too.  There are people that I have 'off' my newsfeed - but I go and check in on them.....as I can't handle WHAT they are posting ....but the Holy Spirit has not released me to block or delete them.  I figure -- God knows.

But with the good -- comes the bad.

At the time of my 'earthquake' or crisis of faith, Sandra Bullock was all over People magazine and the talk shows about how much grace she was showing to her husband...and how she had 'taken' the high road.  Unlike other celebrities that kiss, tell, and then tell again.  It sort of struck me - how quickly the media noticed she just decided to be quiet.

I got quiet.

I think being quiet says more.  There are posts that I read and I want to kindly tell that person -- did you reread that?  Is that showing the lost the light of Jesus in you?  I have this ' HALT'  acronym in my bible.  I got it from Beth Moore or Carlie Huckabee...unsure which one - both are EXCELLENT bible teachers and wise women.  But, it says..."halt" ...before you speak - ask yourself, is it being said or written while you are hurt...or angry?  Are you lonely  or tired?   ......WE can't let our emotions control what we do and say.   One of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control.  We need to show self-control, especially if we claim to be a JEsus FREAK one moment ...and then allow the enemy to use our words or our actions to remind another LOST soul...we really are NO different than them.  

Anyway -- as stuff got BETTER in my home, I was delighted to watch the responses to the better posts and to certain phrases.  "God wins"  is  one such phrase because, THAT is what I had to tell myself ...to believe that NO matter what I was going to BE OK -- no matter what the circumstance or outcome of my personal crisis of faith would be.....and no matter what-- GOD does win.  HE wins daily when we allow HIM to work within our lives.

So back to -- QUIT the 'bitchin'...Whoops ...I did not edit that word out this time.  I  think I just wanted to write/type that word a few more times.

I need to wrap this up  - this has gotten longer than I intended.  My husband and I were separated  - in September of 2010 - God clearly showed me and confirmed to me, that I needed to LET my husband see me SMILE  - ALL the time.   No tears.  No whines.  No 'what if's'.  I had not  been to my  Encounter Weekend yet, so I was STILL not trusting God, but I was obedient.  I knew that I was to smile and EACH time I was in a hurtful situation or something was revealed, or something was said, I would TURN the other cheek and smile and cry later.  I would cry - later - alone in my car on the way home, or  alone in my room.  I would vent and cuss in my journal -- but...NOT on Facebook -- even if my husband NEVER had a Facebook Account to see.....the enemy USED it and he would find out anytime I slipped and posted something that seemed of concern.

I could illustrate this point with an example  - but it would get too personal -- and that is not good.  Trust me.

I even had to be careful as to WHOM I vented to.  I had 2-3 people close to me that I could vent to and I knew I would not be judged and I knew they would NOT hold it against my husband....when restoration came.

Ephesians 4:30 - 32 says  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one anouther, even as God in Christ forgave you.  

I know someone has maybe wronged you -- I know you may be hurting.

Hurting people hurt others.  Getting beyond a betrayal or a major offense is hard.

 But....allow GOD to shine through and if you will be obedient and LET HIS goodness and grace come forth OFF that status...instead of the hurt.....YOU are going to be rewarded - I bet instantly.

God knows it will take time.  God knows triggers will flare up and you will need to walk through them.  Most 'hurts' did not build up and happen within a few days -- many took YEARS before they were released or revealed...so it may take a good year or several months to allow the hurt to heal.  But....moving forward and making sure you are OPEN to forgiveness and extending grace and mercy is a daily obstacle.  Only GOD can walk you through that --

As God wants you to be a light - in the darkness.


Humbled and grateful that you spent the time to read to the end of this...and I pray - Lord, for the one who needed to hear this...I pray it is received in love and with grace and mercy.  I would never wish to harm that one.....In Jesus name, Amen.

And, Lord for the one I did hurt today - I pray she knows - my heart and it was NEVER intended to hurt or harm her -amen.

NOTHING is too difficult for ME......

BEHOLD, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is anything too difficult for me?    Jeremiah 32.27










Is anything  too difficult - NO!

I have seen a  broken heart healed.
I have seen a broken family restored.
I have watched a person that loved God harden his heart.
I have felt like really hurting another physically, yet God granted me mercy and kept me still.
I  have been so panic struck  that I wanted to literally KILL something - and HE protected me.
I have been in situations where the Holy Spirit took over my voice box and I know that I know God spoke through me.
I have felt like the only hope was going to heaven......and He comforted.
I have been lied too - believed I was not good enough in God's eyes.
I believed lies cause I did not understand who I was in Christ.
I have seen miracles of healing happen right in front of my eyes.
I have seen others release baggage from YEARS of pain and hurt and be set free.
I have prayed with a young woman and watched how God's grace and mercy overcame her - and she was able to forgive a man that abused her.
I have been forgiven and redeemed.
I have been adopted by God and my name is in the Lamb's book of life.

I share all of that -- cause I realize that GOD can do anything....HE saved me.


Nothing is too difficult.

If you read my blog post yesterday, I had an incredible day at church.....blessed and humbled.   But God brought to me another that needed to know -- GOD can do anything.

I have said it before -- I think that sometimes, women give up and give in too soon.  Even men do this and divorce comes and many believe this is the better outcome.

From personal experience and LOTS of counsel -- the problems one is trying to get away from don't go away -- it will follow you -- satan is lying if he is telling you that 'things will be better with someone new'.

God's will IS to restore.

God's will is for families to be whole.

I won't say it is 'easy'.  Restoration can only come when one has godly sorrow which leads to repentance and then....restoration and healing can come.

And I am NOT condemning....I realize that a miracle occurred within our family.  But in some families peace only comes when a mom and dad separate.  It is hard.  God can bring beauty out of those ashes.  I have seen it.

 Unfortunately, we can not control the free will of another.  Even God gave us Free will.

Free will sucks when you are a wife - desperate to 'save' a marriage.

However,  free will is  beautiful when that marriage is restored and the wife knows....he is back home and not because he was manipulated to do so -- because it was his free will to work at a marriage, to honor a commitment, and to seek God and HIS will.  

Life stinks.  We were not promised bliss -- we were promised much, but as the verse goes, it rains on the just and unjust -  - the bottom line is that
WHEN we are brokenhearted --when there is something missing within our lives -- when we have idols that fill our lives - the only proper thing that can FILL that missing part - ---
               the only proper person that can truly  heal us ---
the only way we can see and believe that Nothing is TOO difficult for God -- is IF we TRUST HIM.

Our trust has to be in God.

Jeremiah 17. 5-6 says:
Cursed is the one who trusts in man , who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord.  He will be like a bush in the wastelands, he will not see prosperity when it comes and he will dwell in the parched places of the desert.

Jeremiah 17. 7-8:
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be like a tree planted near water, he does not fear when fire comes and there are no worries of drought!

As my sister and my mom will say, "everyone has their own path and journey".  I on the other hand agree but I want to SPEED it up .....
I have 'healed pain'...which in some sense is wisdom.  I know it really took me a LONG time to understand that I did not trust God.  I had idols.  Many.  It took me a long time to understand that I COULD not depend on man ....or my flesh for strength as -- that died.  That idol had to be 'killed'.

It was only when I took that leap of faith and told my self OVER and OVER and OVER....that God was going to win.  God would take PERFECT care of me and God would make sure -- I was going to be fine.

Then...something changed.

How does this look like to the outside world?

You would of seen me writing down scripture  upon scripture verse  in my spiral in my purse.
You would of seen me alone in my bedroom, pacing and singing to the TOP of my lungs to some very specific Christian music that spoke life.
You would see me talking to God - often in my mirror -- even shaking my fist at God -- and then seeking HIS forgiveness as I was just trying to make some sense of stuff.  God knew I was mad at Him -- so speaking it and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak back at me......was therapy.
I did bible studies -- I totally recommend Kay Arthur's "heal my hurts".
I called a few Christian friends that let me vent and then they'd pray.
I would fall asleep with my bible tucked under my blanket.
I read and reread Psalms and wrote and wrote prayers for me, for my kids..and others.
I posted scripture on Facebook that SPOKE to me that day and soaked up any wisdom that my Christian sister's  would post on my wall.
I went to church - anytime the doors were open -- seeking prayer...worshiping...crying...and believing that stuff would eventually be ok.
I would pray and speak out WHAT I wanted from God and remind God of His promises to me.
I read book upon book - that spoke of God's promises and helped me deal with my hurt.
I kept busy.
I also paid attention to others that I could pray for  and encourage.


Why am I sharing all of this tonight -- ????

I am encouraging a new friend --
I am encouraging another  -- as when I sought help, reading WHAT other women of faith did....reading other 'success' stories....blessed me and gave me HOPE.

So I pray this blog Post this eve...gives that one HOPE.
I also pray it ministers to another -- God is THAT big.


He may of directed a TOTAL stranger to this sight -- I believe He restored me and redeemed us -- cause HE wants us to let others know -- NOTHING is too difficult for HIM!

Amen.




Humbled.
I love you Lord.
Michelle

Healing a wounded Heart ....

Today is Sunday.  I had a tremendous blessing at church today.  I don't wish to brag -- but I WANT to make God famous.....

I want others to experience the JOY only HE can bring.
I want others to believe in something that CAN happen with HIS help.
I want people to have growing faith - that WHEN they get beyond their own hurt and crisis...they will then PRAY it forward and speak life into another.


That is what happened with me.
I really thought I 'knew it all'.  But I did not.
God loves me enough to allow something to 'hurt'...so my attention was refocused.

And then HE healed me.

And then He restored me and restored my family.  Simple?  No.  But yet...yes.

However -- it takes God's time.

Psalm 34.18 says:  "the LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit".  

I have a sort of 'running' debate with a sister in Christ.  She says 'her pain'  was more  devestating.  More crushing.
I say, 'pain is pain'.  I know that when I was rejected and broken hearted -- there were days, MANY days when ALL I wanted to do was GO to heaven --  check out -- don't pass 'go...don't collect my $200'...( that is a reference from the game of Monopoly).

I would never tell her that my pain equaled her pain -- I did not experience what she did.
But now that God has healed and restored the earthquake that fell upon me -- I realize that when another sister in Christ is in pain -- her pain and hurt is real and that she may just want to check out too -- -- it is THOSE women, I want to say -- GOD WILL and CAN heal.



In my most darkest and broken hearted days -I did NOT want to get out of bed.
I did not want someone to tell me it was going to be 'ok'...I WANTED it fixed and yesterday!
I was TIRED of praying and waiting.
I WANTED answers and I wanted to know - that all would be well.
And on many of those days - I wanted GOD to come from heaven and SMACK some people around - I did -- I wanted JUSTICE...what the hell did I do to deserve this hurt?

This world is broken.  This is not our home.  I never did anything to 'deserve' this...but I was/am a sinner and  mercy is for the just and the unjust.... God showed me mercy.  I needed HIS mercy.

Unfortunately -- the only one that could really help me  was God Himself and He was at work - I just could not SEE it.  So then comes the TRUST factor.

I was 44...almost 45.  I would of argued with you - I 'knew' Christ and trusted Him.
But I had NO CLUE.  After God allowed a revelation - it took 9  more months before I finally  -- really  -- allowed God to be MY EVERYTHING...NO MATTER what.  It was THEN...that God could begin a 'new' work within another.  I say 'new' work, cause I knew God was working all that time on him as well -- but, it was different now.  When we truly TAKE our hands OUT of the situation and TRUST God - and WALK in that trust...God will let us 'see' a bit into WHAT HE is doing.

Again, I have said this before - it takes time.  In the middle of my crisis of faith - I HATED God's timing...NOW....not so much.  In fact, I LOVE HIS perfect timing - so I say with a little experience -- wait for it - and trust.  Just TRUST.



So, today -- I got to pray with an older gentleman.  He accepted Christ for the first time.  He was well over 70.  The childlike FAITH in his eyes - is a look I will never forgot.  Last Sunday, I got to watch a 'younger' man accept Christ and the look in his eyes today as he was baptized - powerful.

So as I thought about these two events, the Holy Spirit reminded me of another rebirth....

It was about two years ago this month...that God allowed me to see a change in another person's life.   That other person was my husband.  He was beginning to believe that maybe...just maybe.... our family could be restored. He was beginning to believe that God could change a heart.

  It was 2 years ago this weekend  that we moved into our 'healing house'.  It was a home where God allowed me to see a man be reborn and God's 'slow' timing in this healing -- was HIS perfect blessing. And I was a recipient of that rebirth as a new love was formed.  

I say that as a reminder to myself...and to a woman I met today --

No matter what -- GOD can heal and restore.  God can and HE will.  HIS perfect will IS to restore a marriage.  It is.   We must be obedient.

No matter what the 'world' may say -- GOD hates divorce.  HE does.  As I told this woman, if there is physical abuse or a cause of fear for one's safety .....then GET OUT...but, God's will is to restore and to heal and redeem.

I could insert here MANY MANY MANY different %'s and statistics of marriages and what works and what does not -- but I could also copy/cut and paste at least 4 different testimonies right here of other couples that had IMPOSSIBLE situations  ( situations that make mine seem like a 'picnic') and God healed...GOD restored...and GOD redeemed and blessed.

They were obedient.  In some cases the wife waiting on the man.  In other's the man waiting on the women.  And even in one, they divorced and remarried 6 years later....amen.  God is creative.   God wins!

  God's will is to restore.  It just is.  THAT is HIS will.  HIS will is to have a man and a woman as ONE FLESH -- working together to be a union....to show the world HIS love for His church.   People just don't fall out of love.   Love is a verb - it is an action.

When they say 'I never loved you'...they are lying. When they say, 'they love another' - they are lying- that is not love  -- that is EGO and LUST.

 Hurting people hurt others and lie...they have to JUSTIFY what they are doing -- to make it seem 'ok'.  

 The Enemy is a liar and the enemy will make a person 'believe' that one never loved another....
        the enemy will make a person 'believe' that another will NEVER change....
   the enemy will make another believe that 'now they finally deserve someone better'........
     the enemy will continue to steal, kill and destroy -- cause he knows....WHAT God can do!

So with that, and with ALL assurance that GOD is CLOSE to the brokenhearted and HE will bind your wounds...I will say to you -- hang in there.....


But FIRST.....I had to get right with God.  I did know that Christ had died for my sins and I knew of HIS word...but I did not have a one to one relationship with God - where God /Jesus was my husband...my best friend....and the ONE I trusted.

Trusting is the first step.  Believing  in something that is unseen - is faith.

Lord, I pray for the beautiful woman that I had the pleasure to pray with today.  Lord, that she gets a GOOD night's rest but that she will awake with a supernatural peace surrounding her.  Lord, I pray for her husband - may all sin be revealed - may he come to realize that he too is a sinner and that he needs a saving touch - that he needs Jesus. Lord, there are children involved - hearts that are hurt that need comfort - interject Lord - I know you are RIGHT there  -- that they would see something within their mom -- YOUR Light and HOPE...  Lord, protect her thoughts - as the enemy is working HARD to discourage her and I pray that she will believe that our meeting today is by NO accident - that she will dig deep into your word, refresh her relationship with You and allow YOU to be the husband for the moment -- and that she would believe YOU are working on him as well.  In Jesus name, amen.


Lord, I am humbled- Hopeful...encouraged..and committed to believe YOU will do it again!  I will continue to pray for those  couples around us and believe that YOU are at work, YOU will open the eyes of the ones who are deceived, and YOU will restore the others...and give courage to the ones that MUST seek some professional and godly help -- I believe.  I believe,  YOU WANT for them -- WHAT I now have with my husband...new soul ties...new love... and revelations that there was LOVE all that time....the the wife of the youth...is HIS will...that the current wife is GOD's will.... that the two married -- should remain.   amen.   GOD....wash them all clean....God that the ones that are NOT in relationship with you - would be miserable...until they SEEK you and if You see fit to use Brendan or myself within this.....then do it and we promise to be faithful to the Holy Spirit as He speaks to us - in Jesus name..amen.
michelle

I wanted to blog -- but my brain is limited this evening.

  I wanted to blog today -- but today has been a busy day.  

I prayed a good while, encouraged others, did some research on a 'tough' topic and I think I did a load of laundry as well --oh and  I worked at my '2nd' job with my man.   

 As I said, I wanted to blog - so I sat down at my computer and asked God - 'what?'.  

Nothing really came to my head.    My head was blank.  So I did what I sometimes do - I looked back.   I had a situation today where I reminded another - DO NOT give up....

When I  went back one year to March of 2013 and I read my blog post,   I read between the lines and remembered the specific person I was praying for and smiled --  I am still praying for that one. 

 And it has been a year -- but, I am not giving up!   I have learned within this past year and watched 'myself'  grow -- I have more patience to wait on God now--I guess I am growing up - becoming a 'big girl' in Christ.  

So, I will REPOST the blog post from March 5, 2013 as it blessed me and reminded me - God wins - don't give up.....even if you MUST pray for ANOTHER year --  as I know - God will answer and God has been working over the past year within that person's life -- but I trust God enough now to know -- HIS timing is best.  Amen.  

Today is March 1st - 2014....  I pray this REPOST will help another - wait on HIM too. 

Michelle 

March 5, 2013........

If you could see me as I write this moment - a few different things transpired today that made me frustrated, angry, and overjoyed, and then so excited I wanted to literally FLY and carry a banner that says ...GOD WINS!!!  

But some of that is for another blog and a later date....

THIS is what I wanted to share this evening:

I found the following quote typed up  in cleaning up the papers in my purse and bible....It was a part of Sharon Jaynes's Girlfriends in God devotional...from back in October or maybe earlier in the year.  However, I know it is by HIS divine intervention that it CAME to life this evening.  It must of spoke to me back then, as I copied and printed it off....but tonight - it is time to blog it and share!

She quoted  Jean-Pierre de Caussade and he said it well:

"Each and every trial is an opportunity to trust HIM more.  You would be very ashamed if you knew what experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and tedious annoyances really are.  You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies -- thought that never occurs to you.  Nothing happens to you except by the will of GOD, and yet beloved children curse it because they do not know it for what it is."   

HIS ways are HIGHER than our ways and HIS thoughts are HIGHER than our thoughts.   Isaiah 55.9

I have been in prayer for a particular pal and my heart has been aching.  But not only for her - there are others on my prayer list.  I have come to learn about Intercessory Prayer - when  GOD burdens you for a loved one or a lost one, or a total stranger.  Either way....it is an ACT of God when the burden is placed on you.

I consider it,  now,  a blessing.  I won't 'curse' or feel frustrated about it.  But, for a brief moment yesterday I did.  I did.

  I was ready to GIVE up.

  I even 'told' God - I quit.

 And HE quickly reminded of when I felt that way within my own life as I prayed for my heart and I was tired of hurting.      And HE quickly reminded me the outcome - God WINS.  So I quickly repented, chatted/prayed more with God and renounced my self-pity and knew I was NOT going to quit and I would continue to lay that burden at HIS feet...the cross.

I then walked into my house and was blessed tremendously by a personal letter from Beth Moore's team of prayer warriors.  I got the 'usual' form letter/ card from BEth too, but I realize she is a mega personality and can't respond personally, but one of her prayer warriors did and it encouraged me.  HIS timing is perfect.  HE knew I would say, "I quit, and then 5 min later take that back,  and then 30 seconds later walk it to be blessed....."  HE knew that - that is why I call Him LORD!

HE is my best friend.  HE has my back.  HE fights for me!

So when I found this little snip-it of truth that Sharon Jaynes shared...I was heavily reminded - HIS ways are higher than our ways...HIS thoughts are higher than our thoughts.....God wins.

My limited vision is limited, but praise God I am now in the practice of opening my eyes more often and I pray that HE will continue to burden me with prayer requests - I want to be HIS servant and be a part of HIS will.

Today's trials....I won't complain.  I already have a plan to make tomorrow better.  And I figure the Enemy knew I was on fire with prayer for another - so what better way  than to throw up some other crud to get me off track.  But, I am more wise to his stupid and cunning ways.  My armor is up and getting stronger day after day.  Amen!

The trials of today are not setbacks....as I know - Nothing happens to me except by the will of God.

In HIM,

Humbled,

honored...and so in LOVE with my Lord that I want more...

chell

...prayer answered and continued - it is a process - DO not grow weary...

 There is a verse in the bible -  "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don't give up". 


Every once in awhile, I go backwards and read my blogs from a few years ago to several years ago.  I went back in time again today and read a post for my birthday - my 45th birthday. 

I cut/copied and pasted a portion of it here: 


In reality -- 45 and blessed, chosen, accepted, adopted, redeemed, and forgiven . .


In all seriousness - Lord, thank you for this week. But mostly Lord, thank you for the recent knowledge of KNOWING that I am in the center of your will. I make a big deal out of 'dates' and time but as each year passes - I really only come to understand how precious life is, how short it is and how I deeply love and respect you as Lord and Savior. And Lord, I WANT your will be done. For my birthday Lord, hear my prayer.
Lord, I want and wish for each of my family and extended family to see YOU shine in me. Lord, for my birthday I will ask for that miracle that I believe YOU promised me; however, in YOUR time Lord. Lord, for my children, may their hunger for you grow and grow in a good way. Lord, I am so grateful for this day -- for YOUR love and what YOU have allowed in my life. And Lord, I am thankful. Lord, Use me, teach me and bless me today. Like that verse about Jacob -- I won't let you go until you bless me -- bless me Lord, I pray. Be with me always. Thank you.
Your daughter.
Michelle

I could recite this prayer all over again, but the miracle I was asking for is different and new...as God DID grant me a miracle some time after I posted this prayer. 

I still want my kids to hunger and thirst for you EVEN more.

I still want HIS light to SHINE within me and HE has affirmed in me that I am STILL in HIS will. 

I STILL want HIM to bless me and I am very grateful for ALL that HE has done and what HE will still do. 

But I had to share this...please don't give up -- faith creates miracles --- hang on.  After I posted this prayer, it was still another14 months until my eyes and my ears could sort of believe that God was restoring my marriage...but first HE had to restore a life. 

If you are praying today - are you willing to wait another 14 months?    If God has instructed you to obey Him... I pray you have the strength to see it through and I pray that in 14 months you will get the answer and then...I pray another 2 years from that moment...you will get what I got today....

It has almost been 4 years now since the bomb exploded within our home and the crisis of faith took on a new direction...but today -- I heard something that blessed me beyond measure..

I heard my husband say, "I watch you Chell - I listen to what you say..I want what you have with God, so I want my relationship to grow".  And then a little while later, I overheard him tell another about why people are being drawn to me....'they see God in her and in her obedience'. 

For my husband to acknowledge that God's light shines in me -- whoa.  I am humbled. 

For my husband to WANT more of God...whoa. I am excited. 

Blessed. 

I am so grateful for this day! And it gives me the faith and perseverance to stick to what God has asked me to do -- to stand in the gap for ...........and I am going to believe in the next miracle - amen. 

...she is just a girl

She is just a girl that grew up watching TV, asking her Dad if she could stay up later and watch the first 15 minutes of Johnny Carson, hoping that he'd let her sit on his lap and then she could sneak some popcorn from his bowl and if he was not watching....she could run her fingers along the bottom of the bowl and soak up the extra butter that had dripped to the bottom.

She loved hopping in the car and going for drives on Sundays with her dad and mom to visit Aunt Gloria and Grandma and Grandpa in Beaver Dam.  She even wore those  short dresses as a 2 year old ..."it is her mother's fault"....

She grew up on a farm, had a dog - PJ and always felt her brother was the favorite until he got older -- then she knew  her sister and other brother were the favorites!   She had to wear hand-me-downs from her uncles??    She had beautiful strawberry blonde hair and delights in watching her nieces with that same color now -- and tries her best to 'buy' that color but the grey seems to win.

Her sister ALWAYS had to do whatever she was doing.  She ALWAYS had to include her sister when her friends came over and even if it was her birthday ...her sister got a present.  But when it was her sister's birthday -- she did not get a 'sympathy' gift, all she heard was, "you are the oldest, you are fine".   And every Christmas, as her sister counted the number of gifts ...it was a problem if she got one more than her sister.  ( Guess that could be a root of bitterness that needs to be addressed...)
Her mom loved to dress them with matching clothes -- little did she realize that her mom made most of those early outfits herself.
 And little did she realize how much she would come to love and respect that sister  --

She remembers learning how to 'polka' at a very young age and would be taken to the Turner Hall with her parents often to 'dance' while her dad tended bar or did his volunteer job.  So she got to know many of the band leaders and then 'dance' with the regulars who continually complimented her on her dancing ability ...thus - dancing became something she loved.  Her first crush was Donny Osmond.  She could relate....BIG family...and that TV again....as she reflected as she got older -- the TV taught her most lessons...

...Love Boat, Carol Burnett...
Fantasy Island, the Partridge Family...
...Electric Company...

Many summers were spent - very carefree and playing on the farm....pizza parlor, hay forts, Dodge County Fair and then various Farm Progress shows...and then of course there was 'babysitting duty'....The reason she has ONLY two children is cause....she spent MANY a summer night bouncing a baby on her knee while her mom was still outside helping to feed animals or milking cows while her dad was still in the field.   But honestly -- there are enough good memories from that childhood that would write SEVERAL books...

Childhood friends became so important, as we all went to ONE school for eight years.  Her best friends were the 'other Farm' girls...

Memories of doing chores before the school bus.
Pitching  "SH __" out of the spreader into the fields when it froze...
Getting home after school to head to the barn  before it got dark...
Summer jobs of 'unloading hay'....'letting the heifers out to find the fence'...or  'washing the barn walls'  are memories she laughs about now.

Going to Grandma's house was always a treat if "uncle Ralph" did not fuss at you  -- LOL.  She had the biggest and BEST apple and pear orchard -- which in later years ...turned out to be a small area of only 7-8 trees....
I guess that is why the story of "Ida B"...is such a favorite.
Going to Grandma's and having one of her cookies -- is still a memory that is treasured and MISSED.

It is surreal that the 'person' she could not stand at all as a teen....is probably one of the ones she wishes she could see more of....

She too went through the AWKWARD stage...braces...haircuts that were  done by a lady who 'felt she knew EXACTLY what you wanted... and why on earth did we wear overhauls?    She always felt she was JUST NOT that pretty.... silly girl.

Flash forward...she grew up, married the boy she fell in love with on the first day of Jr. High and they had a family.  They both agreed that they would make memories with their two kids and MANY memories were made and are STILL being made.   She is blessed.

   She is blessed.

Her daughter is amazing.

Her son is amazing too.
But, what really makes her smile these days.....  is watching how God is shining through her...and her husband and her family.

She has a birthday tomorrow -- she will be 48 years old.  And she really WANTS the next 48 to be even BETTER than the first 48......that would put her at 92 when she is ready for heaven...

Well...maybe.  She knows God is the one that will orchestrate that.
She really hated turning 30 but her husband eased the 'pain' of that by taking her to see her favorite tennis players in Palm Beach -- she bet John McEnroe, Jimmy Conners, and chatted quite a long time with Peter Fleming.

When she turned 40...she had one friend help her husband usher in the bIG 40 by sending her cards and letters for 40 days prior to the birthday.... and then spent the weekend with 6 other women at a Women of Faith Conference -- blessed!

And she is already debating 'how' she will celebrate her 50th...like Oprah?  LOL?   Will she finally make that trip to Las Vegas to see Donny?

But...seriously...she is just a girl.  That treasures each day now...looks to and asks God to guide it and take OVER her...

 she asks God ...to empty her of her..and FILL her with HIM...

And she wants her blessed life to SHOW just how MUCH LIGHT there is within it ---cause of HIM.

..she wants to be a light in the darkness...

......Cause HE restored her and redeemed her....and has said 'atta girl'.....
She wants to be a HERO for her Lord...and love her family unconditionally - each and ever moment.

She wants to leave a legacy for her children -- one that they will see her faith and know -- THEY want that too....

She is just a girl --
blessed beyond words....a blog could not convey HOW much she loves her Lord and is thankful.

Happy birthday to that girl - -- happy birthday to me.

I am so blessed -- when Brendan asked me today what I wanted -- I can honestly tell you -- nothing...

I will take a thoughtful card with some 'love stuff' on it - that I can read over and over...but -- I really don't NEED anything ....or WANT anything.... -- cause GOD has supplied it all.

Amen.