I made it. I did it. I lived. And it was FUN, exciting, scary, hard, and very strenuous but....as I said - I did it. I even posted that on FB. My husband used to comment all the time on my posts..."need a little affirmation do we?" And then he stopped as he learned about social media and that was it's purpose -- at times.
I LOVED to scrapbook at one time and viewing pictures of someone's vacation - even a stranger fascinates me. And so I post. I think vlogging has become my new scrapbook! And I post blogs and funny stuff but I also try to limit my posting -- to stuff that would honor God. Anyway ---
On Saturday, I posted and bragged on myself about white water rafting - Bren's comment was, "you are too funny -- need to build yourself up here or what?" He said it in a most lovely manner - he was't poking fun of me and yet ....he was. But...I did it. I needed to tell the world that I did it! I was a little proud of myself. Ok well...full of myself!
I needed to go white water rafting on my own - to just prove to myself that I could do something scary without my husband right there. When we were separated, I would think and think about being 'alone' for the rest of my life and I hated that. And yet, truly -- I am the only one responsible for me. Me.... I either eat right or I don't. I either exercise or I don't. For many years, I know I did what everyone else wanted me to do or what I thought everyone else wanted me to do. Since turning 50 -- one stops and begins to think about the whys and the whats....and begins to get a voice. ( Therapy played a part of this as well!) A good voice. I listen to Holy Spirit and pray that He is my voice -- and I probably totally screwed up trying to explain all this -- but I needed to white water raft -- for me. -- I needed to conquer that fear. And I did and I was pretty proud of myself ...hence the FB post. Lengthy FB post, bragging. But God is always faithful; whether I am blubbering on FB or sharing photos from two time zones away ....HE is faithful.
I called upon HIS name a LOT during that hour on the Green River, Saturday. Can I mention it was 3 degrees Celsius and that water was literally frozen and a part of a glacier the week before I was rafting in it?? It was cold. We had a wet suit - which, I swear... getting it on and off was a cardio workout on its own!! Anyway, I had a guide and there were five of us in the raft. Grace. Five is the number of grace. And I know people were praying for me, as I felt the prayers cause I had basically begged for some prayer if you read the previous blog! There was peace. Even when the guide began to splash everyone with his paddle and stated we all had to jump in the river to practice our swimming...well, I just smiled and with great peace stated, NO WAY. He was teasing. He did impress us though as he jumped in and got back into the raft rather quickly. Personally -- I believe he just had to relieve himself and used the lake - to disguise the situation! LOL
Grace. I knew it then and as each command was belted from the guide - his name was ATLL ....I could hear myself say JESUS and HE helped. And I had peace.
I heard many commands: 'Forward', ( paddle forward ), or 'down', ( grab the side rope and get IN the raft), or even 'hold on', ( squeeze your feet muscles into the raft). Indeed it was an experience. The first time he yelled 'down', I just hunkered down in the boat...holding onto my paddle but then I could NOT get back up. Mind you, I am soaked. There is a 40 pound wet suit stuck to your body and then this obnoxious life jacket that made you about 1 meter wide! Anyway, I found the rope and pulled -- and got up. Several times after that...it was easier. Getting up that first time was the hardest - and yet, once it was practiced -- it got easier.
And our guide was faithful to have us 'stop' ( which meant hold your paddle still ) after a big rapid and rest and this allowed the current to continue to pull us down the river. Isn't that true in life? We have different seasons in our lives and often we get a big rest after a hard season? And many times that rest is followed right back with another rapid to endure!
By the way, our rapid adventure was rated as a 2-3 rapid. One ( 1) being a fart in the bathtub and six (6) being the hardest-- only for professionals. By the end of the hour, I knew the difference between a (2 ) and a (3 ) and a (1 ) is NOT a fart in a bathtub. Perspective.
Anyway -- I have typed long enough -- I just wanted to remind those people following this series of blogged prayers for their marriage or any other marriages -- that God is faithful. The picture is from our dinner table Saturday night after many of us rafted. And as we ate, we all shared our stories about the adventures of the day, and as I sat at the table listening, I was reminded of God's Grace.
Our marriage went through about ten years of yuck. There were 3 years of some really hard times before I was truly aware of our broken marriage. And when I look back at the scrapbook of our marriage - I see many roller coaster rides of emotions and I remember times of deep prayer and tears that only my pillow and God witnessed. When I finally began to seek some help, more hurt came and awkwardness. Then when everything imploded and we separated there was more hurt and tears. And yet, God was faithful to me. I know HE will be faithful to you. He loves you just as much as He loves me and He will love your mate MORE than you ever will.
So, today's prayer is simple and short. I would of posted this yesterday but the Delta airlines had my full attention and I just prayed all day that my ears would survive the 7 hours of air time. Even as we sat on the tarmac in Salt Lake City last night for an hour...I knew God was in charge and we would get home in His time.In my 20+ times of flying, we have never had to WAIT for the temperature of the air to change. Apparently it was a record HOT day in Utah and our plane was too heavy for take off. So we sat and waited for it to cool off as a storm was approaching or if 10 people would of volunteered to get off-- as we were 1000 lbs overweight, whichever came first. It was actually a combination of both! (This plane was a connecting flight and everyone wanted to get to their home or to Disney. ) So anyway -- I knew, God was in charge. I had peace. Because HE is a faithful God. He can be trusted.
Lord, for the marriages that are specific on my list as of today -- and for the wife or husband who is reading this and praying for their marriage ........ Lord, simple, may they gleam something from this rant of mine and be reminded that YOU are faithful to their prayers and to them. May they be reminded of a time where you were most faithful when they doubted. May they be reminded of a time where you were most faithful in the lives of their children. And may they be reminded of a time where they realized how FAITHFUL you were to them and they didn't even pray for it or were in a season of communication to YOU. Lord, I thank you for being faithful. Lord, we praise you as both Bren and I even realized that we had not prayed for Your protection over our flight until we were sitting on that tarmac...sweating...cramped...and wanting to fly. Lord, I pray these blogs are not going unread but that YOU are using them. I pray my faithfulness to keep these current each day will bring light and glory to YOU and YOU only. IN Jesus Name...Amen.
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