Marriage is HARD, a BOLD reminder that GOD can! #35

But God can...
But God has....

But God will do again..

.

It may look like your marriage is in its most dangerous crisis....  but God...
It may appear that your child has made some VERY poor choices...but God...
It may seem like there is no HOPE...but God...


I have had the honor and pleasure to see some very hard and hopeless marriages get turned around!  
I have seen some very strong and purposeful marriages -- fall.

I have seen some very strong and hopeless people become full of JOY and gladness in HIM! 
I have seen some very strong and purposeful people -- fall.


Just recently -- there was a person my husband and I have been praying for  -- and we both felt that this  man was for 'certain' NOT going to seek counsel and guess what -- But God....   

God is always working.
God is always ON our side.
God is always there -- WANTING all of us... we must trust.

God is fighting for you -- if you are seeking HIM,  which means you are in prayer and communication through His Word.

God is fighting  for you -- if you are seeking HIM, which means you are in prayer and communication ton with HIM through His Word....

Two basic truths..HE is calling us...and then we must act responsibly. 

We  must examine ourselves and ask..."what is in me Lord, that needs to be removed or changed?".  Come to Him...   seek Him..and then obey.


When THAT part has been addressed...we can come to Him and know

                 -- that His will is for us to be in love...... with Him first and then others....


When I awoke today, I had the URGE to share Jeremiah 33.3

 Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

Then Jeremiah 29.11 came.....


¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

As God continues to teach and show me stuff -- He uses unexpected places.  


Unexpected places.   




Someone reading this today -- knows that the place she is AT right now - is NOT HIS will....but, she needs to know to WAIT on HIM and HE will remove the mountain or blow a hole right in the middle of it and walk her through it.  

Someone reading this right now....needs to be reminded that HIS plans for her .... for you... are NOT what YOU see right now....But God is at work!  

Someone reading this right now, needs to CALL to HIM...as HE will, God will tell you WHAT is next and what needs to happen.  

Someone reading this right now, needs to be reminded that "these' are NOT the plans He has for you -- THIS is not His will....  

Someone  - including me....just needed a reminder today that GOD wins!   

But God...

But God will reveal it !  
But God will show you...

But God.....     

Lord, for the specific marriages and couples my husband and I are praying for -may YOUR will be done.  Lord, for the new person reading this and questioning - may YOUR will be done. Lord, for those in crisis and working towards solutions and redemption - may YOUR will be done, may they truly get the healing needed and not just place a band aid on the surface.  Lord, for the one who feels crazy this morning - may they realize YOUR will can be done within their lives.  And I pray for the extras that are reading and following these blogged prayers and using them to intercede for the ones around them - let NOTHING be wasted.  In Jesus's name... Amen. 

Marriage is HARD, but READ this post! Prayer #34

Ok, it is time.  I need to be real and honest.  For the past few posts, I have touched on FEAR.  

I am dealing ( dealt)  with that stronghold again.  

And again, I come to this blog site, as this blog is a part of my journal .... and it is a part of my own therapy --- I write.   However, before I write, I think and think and talk to God and talk to myself.  

Some would say - I write too much.  

Some don't read my blogs because they are JUST too long.  Others may thrive on EVERY word like I do at times when I am seeking God and searching for help.  The problem can be when we search and search for an easy answer on social media, a blog, or through another and yet, don't GET into God's Word and SEEK HIM for the healing and answer. 

I totally was and still CAN be that person....because that bible seems pretty daunting at times and I still, on routine say a prayer ---"Lord, I want to crave it more...I NEED it more and I want to hunger for it like NO other".  


Some may  read and wonder "WHO" I may be speaking about.   As early in my blogging career, I would blog pretty quickly about a topic or a hurt to make my point and try my best to be very general -- but if you were pretty close to me, you probably figured out who or what was bothering me.  

 But I honestly pray and need to believe that GOD  draws people to read this blog and it does touch a head and heart and it helps.   Maybe it just makes the reader realize....'they are OK as well'.  


As I said, it was time.  I have allowed FEAR to creep into an area of my marriage.  Pretty plain and simple, my husband is in a VERY new season and I was used to knowing where and what his world was for the past 30 years and now I don't.  Even though... that control issue crept into our marriage crisis some ten years ago, and it messed stuff up  ... we are human and flesh and well, sometimes we just GET SCARED.  

As I have mentioned, a dear godly new pal, that God has brought into my life, called it out.   And literally once, she called it out in me -- within the next 10 minutes, a weight had been lifted and I began to SEE much more through NEW eyes and indeed - got with God to take away that fear.  

The last blog spoke about godly fear -- I loved that blog.  I HAVE that fear.  Basically I want to be so in tune  and in line with God that I am THAT close to Him.  I don't have any fear through him, but there is a longing and a wanting to STICK there.  Close.  

School has started and I have 28 new young ones within my room each day.  Several I sit with at lunch and I listen.  I also watch and see what they wear, what they draw, and how they react.  Some bring such joy and others, make me pray.  This past week, I saw one of my former students wearing a t-shirt with the words, "friends with my demons".  I couldn't find the graphic on the web, but this photo is pretty close or HOW I saw the t-shirt.  

I even spoke to her and asked exactly what the t-shirt meant.  And then I prayed that she would NEVER ever wear that again.  However, I will watch and pay attention.  I have her brother in my classroom each day now -- prayer works and I am believing that we will revisit this.  

I do stay away from certain stuff.  I don't watch scary movies or allow SOME of the stuff that is OUT there in.  And I guard my time and my eyes.   Satan is very real... and maybe more of us should really have MORE fear of him... as he certainly is alive and well in this present time.  I pray that more of us adults, parents, and people of influence around these young ones - speak UP.  Be prayed up to guide and direct these young ones in LOVE to avoid this enemy.  

But the truth of this concept  is within marriages as well... Young married couples and many older married couples have LET in the enemy and when the marriage falls apart or begins to show cracks -- they WONDER why.  OPEN the eyes people!  When our children were little -- babies...we NEVER would of allowed a TV show or something with this type of message to grace their presence...so WHY do we excuse it or allow it as teens or even adults?    WE haven't changed that much --  


So back to my fear -- as I said, I allowed the enemy to creep into my head and whisper a simple notion..."he can't be trusted again".... "he is around LOTS of new women again and he will forget you"..... and this one was classic..."he no longer needs you - he has new people to listen to".     Yep.. I fell.  Hook . Line.  Sinker.  

  It can be  SO easy at times to allow the enemy to whisper -- even when your armor is on, even when you are seeking God, even when it seems ALL is well.   It just happens.  We are human. 

But God Wins!   I just felt the need to be open and honest and remind those praying for a marriage, praying through a hard season of marriage, or those in a very hard place within their marriage...... is the enemy bombarding you with fear?     I would pray and ask that you check inwardly first and battle and overcome that--- and then continue!  

Zach Williams has a song on Christian Radio right now called, "Fear is a Liar"...it is a bold prayer that I can almost sing word for word... I would suggest you find it and play it over and over if FEAR is something that you have noticed is a stronghold.  


I am not belittling this stronghold..there are many fears.  Fear of not having enough food...fear of not being able to go OUT of the house and a maybe even a fear of a young granddaughter falling and hurting herself. 

 AND these fears  are real and need to be attended to and dealt with.  And I only added that in last one about a grandchild falling because of my own husband. I don't believe, Bren, my husband, was EVER this fearful with our own two kids.  When SJ or Ava is near ANYTHING, his first words are ....BE CAREFUL.. or.. Chell, she is going to fall! 

But, I know with  even a sweet friend, who deals with a family member,  that these fears are very real and  with this one being so fearful -- it is totally overcoming her life.  Real Fear.   

I shared about being fearful with my husband and his new career path and yet, to be totally honest, there are  still two  more fears that I must confess. 

One,  I am fearful - at times, that I am just NOT doing or being who God wants me to be.  Now, mind you -- I get confirmation and many encourage me and I have seen fruit from some very hard times of prayer....but still.  There is still this little girl inside of me that wants affirmation.  It just may be that thorn in my side ( like Paul wrote about ) that keeps me humble.  And THAT is OK.  It is.    I don't need to be full of myself, nor think that I am TOTALLY where I need to be.  I think that fear is a touch of the godly fear that ...does drive me and keeps me seeking. 

And Two, sometimes I feel I need to defend God or 'explain' why something is or is not and other times, I feel the need the explanation just for myself. I guess, no, I know, I have to be comfortable with the notice that I don't have to have an answer for everything.    Now...does that make sense?   I am not sure I am able to convey it in words...but will trust the Holy Spirit as I blog this out -- He will confirm it to the reader or He will just remind the reader and me...that God is BIG enough.    

So there.  I was honest.  

Authenticity to all. 

Transparency to some. 

Intimate with a few.  

That is from Beth Moore....  I may be more intimate with a few more than maybe most.  ( OK, MORE than many!) ....but... this is me.  I have come to the realization that if you read my blogs or don't read them, or love me or don't love me ... it is up to you.  God does.  My husband does.  And my kids do -- and that is all I have to worry about.  


I do pray these past few blogs on FEAR have been a help to at least one.   I am heading into the home stretch with these Marriage prayers.  With this series, my husband and I have had several new people inquire about us and to us. 

In fact, I was speaking with one through Messenger and told him I could get him the number of our Marriage Therapist and he replied, "I already have -  I got her number through another  you gave it to".  That floored us.  I know we live in a small town -- but I will believe  it was for God's glory!!   But, I admit, It was a bit real and weird  when we realized others knew our story...and we had not shared our story with those particular people.  But that is OK too. It is actually perfect, because we have given permission to those we speak with to share our story if it will help another.  God won!    Both Bren and I know that we know - He did not save our marriage for us to just walk off into the sunset and perhaps head to Vegas and see a Donny and Marie Show.  ( LOL )  ( I actually was pricing that out this am ... Christmas present to me!)  But, seriously -- it is time to pray -- 


Lord God Almighty, first of all I praise Your Name for being the Lord of our lives and our marriage.  I praise You Father for the healing You have done within us and please continue.  I praise You Father for being the comforter in all fears.  I pray specifically for those reading this that have to REAL fears...God I pray that THIS week, they will seek help through others and whatever resources You provide around them...that they may WANT freedom.    And then I pray for the marriages associated with these blogs and for those reading these prayers that I don't even realize... may FEAR be something they recognize for what it is and call it out.  May the hurting one or one waiting patiently for a miracle... reflect and seek You if they have any type of fear.   

Me... relief after conquering my fear of white water rafting!  

And Lord, for all reading this - and for my own family -- may they WANT and seek that godly FEAR that I wrote about in the last blog.  May the time and effort spent sitting at this computer be productive in bringing hope, healing, and even salvation for the one who is hurting.  God - Use this Lord for Your Glory - IN Jesus' Name, Amen.  

Marriage is HARD. Bold prayers and Godly fear. #33

So, as I said -- I am still on this FEAR thing... if you read yesterday's blog - I touched upon it. Truth be told, my fear was leaking into my conversations with my husband and I found myself 'acting' in a manner that he quickly noticed as "NEEDY" and "NAGGY".  

The photo I posted here as a photo of FEAR as well...LOL.  This was BEFORE I went white water rafting.  FEAR is indeed real... but it doesn't have to control us or destroy us. 

 
I do want to blog more about that -- but basically I first want to blog and share about the RIGHT kind of fear we need.  Godly FEAR! 

 

What is Godly Fear?

Godly Fear: Fear of Not Being in Covenant Relationship with God.

To have godly fear a person first has to have a relationship with God, a everlasting covenant. It would be most fearful if this relationship was lost or tarnished. Jeremiah 32:40 advises us God’s everlasting covenant where he will not turn away and he will put fear in our hearts.

Jeremiah 32:40, And I will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I will not turn away from them, to do them good; but I will put my fear in their hearts, that they shall not depart from me.”


Godly Fear: A Fervent Desire to Stay in Relationship With a Most Awesome God.

Godly fear is an emotion that God wants us to have in our heart and it is an essential part of God’s salvation plan. This is a fear driven by our fervent desire to do everything possible to stay in relationship with the most awesome, most powerful, most loving person in the universe. Hebrews 12:28 advises us of God giving us kingdom through grace and where serve God with godly fear.
Hebrews 12:28, “Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear.”


Godly Fear: A Fear of God that Keeps Us and Assures Us Eternal Life.

Godly fear a precious, all-consuming emotion that enables us to have an eternal relationship with God and to avoid the snares of this world. Proverbs 14:27 advises us that godly fear is the fountain of lie that keeps us from the snares of death.

Proverbs 14:27, “The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death.”

Godly Fear Preserves us From Evil.

Godly fear is the evidence that we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. This fear boils up in us because we have realized that only the Lord through his mercy and truth can purge the deadly effects of sin from our mortal bodies and souls. Proverbs 16:6 advises us that mercy and truth purges sin, and by godly fear men depart evil.

Proverbs 16:6, “By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil.”

Godly Fear: The Outward Manifestation of Our Hope in God’s Grace.

When we truly place all of our hope in God, our hope becomes a fervent emotion filled with godly fear. Our emotions are now heightened and focused on God as we now look to him as our sure and only hope for eternal salvation. Psalm 33:18 advises us that God will watch over those who fear God and hope in his mercy.

Psalm 33:18, “Behold, the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy;.”

The Reality of God’s Holiness Brings Us into Godly Fear.

Godly fear comes to us when we come into relationship with God and His holiness is revealed to us. When we truly understand the godliness of God, we come into a new reality. We are awe struck when we realize that we are in the presence of someone not like anyone we have ever met in our lives.

Revelation 15:4 advises us we should fear and glorify God for He is holy.

Revelation 15:4, “Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? for thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy judgments are made manifest.”


That all sounded REAL good - didn't it?   I am NOT that smart.  It comes from a site called, "Access Jesus" and it put into words what I wanted to express.   I tried to find the author's name, but it wasn't to be found. Maybe someone there 'copied' it from another as well.  My point being is this...

If...BOTH marriage partners HAD Godly fear....they would most likely be in a GOOD and thriving marriage.  Period.  Right??  

Today's prayer:  

Lord,  in just this past week, YOU have brought two more desperate couples and people to my husband or myself or both of us.... we won't allow THIS burden to damper our spirits or our believe that YOU can win, but we do claim in faith that if these new ones will SEEK YOU...   allow YOU to grow them and be OBEDIENT....then we know we will see new fruit and new marriages with better relationships.  God, the bottom line is YOU .   There is no blog or self help book that can do anything better than a true salvation experience and humbling before  You Lord.  May each of these couples, read this and may new spouses read this and question their Own selves....  do I possess Godly fear Lord?   If not... help me, forgive me and heal me Lord.  IN Jesus Name, Amen.   

Marriage is HARD, Bold prayers -- Being fearful. #32

 I wrote the following blog back in 2012.  It was the year we were in the 'healing' house and it was the year that we watched both children beginning  to reestablish their relationship with their dad.   The Holy Spirit brought me to this post because of the title.  

The title was:  God is just not a band aid, He is a healer.  So I read.  And I was amazed to read in between the lines about fear.  My fear.   We are in a new season. My husband and I are in a new season.  He has retired and God brought me a new mentor this past Spring, one lady that sharpens my iron.  And as  she asks me, "what can I pray for you about?"... I reply.  And just in chatting over the past month, I revealed something to her.  Actually -- I am totally sure the Holy Spirit spoke to her and she claimed it -- "Michelle, You are fearful of this new season".  She reminded me she would pray and that I could rebuke it but also she gave good advice as she has been married a few more years than myself and she reminded me of what MEN want/need.    Bingo....     Once I rebuked it - stuff began to make PERFECT sense and what was bothering me a few days before - was gone.  Fear.  

So, since then...I have been seeking God about a blog for marriages and fear and I am still not too sure I am ready to write it.  There can be so many angles with fear - but tonight, the Holy Spirit brought  me here.... 

As I said this, I did write this back in late August of 2012.  But there is a prayer at the end and I pray that if the Holy Spirit brought you to these blogs, maybe you need to pray about being fearful as well.  

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I wanted to make sure that the photo is first.  This is my dining room table.  This is not my bible, but praise God  as it belongs to the spiritual head of our home.  Praise God.

I have not written much in the past month, been busy enjoying summer. 

We went to Wisconsin, rented a Harley and had a great time.  I got loved on by many nieces and nephews and each day brought  many new things to light.  My joy was to watch HP and his interactions with the little ones.  He is sort of a celebrity with the younger ones, cause he is this kid that plays soccer and shows up maybe once a year now.  He has a tender heart towards the little ones, he reminds me of my brother Trevor and his uncanny ability to hover over little ones.

 Taylor got quality time with her nieces and nephews too, she enjoyed each and everyone of them - they are all so different.  After the trip, she realized that from this point on, her visits will be few and far between and they will grow up, and so she says, "why did we ever move away?".  She is 21 now, she has her own life and going to Wisconsin will probably be on her terms and when she schedules it.  And I realized that she realized that when we grow up- things change.  And that is hard to accept at times.  I remember being at that age, it is hard.

Our Harley trip was just plain wonderful - almost 700 miles.  We rode with my brother one day in 103 degree heat, and another with he and his wife - fun, fun, fun. And one day we rode solo -  many conversations and sights, but I am keeping that to myself for now - God used the trip to heal.

Back to blogging --"what shall I blog about Lord?".  "Lord, it has been several weeks, I want to write.".........

Then something really special happened and several different things transpired and I found my purse with about 4-5 scraps of paper of verses that have been my thoughts for the past month and I decided to just share those....

God's word is alive and it is active....is is a living word.  When you read it over, and come back to a story or spot either a few days later or even a year later, it is only GOD that can do this....it speaks to me ..to us ..again in a different manner.


Psm 25 - In you Lord my God,  I put my trust....This is the beginning of the Psalm that I am presently working on memorizing.  My hubby has about 12 verses down and he practices nightly and I should know them as well by now with all the quizzing, but this is my challenge right now.  Along with two other ladies, I am attempting to learn a verse a day.    The coolest thing, how this Psalm has been right at the forefront of my mind, and when in prayer for others, it is the blessing of praying HIS word that just makes me feel so connected to my Lord.   As, HIS word is alive and active.  When praying for another, it does not feel like God put a band-aid on, it seems like HE really healed her with HIS words, that is why I say, HE is a healer.


God also allowed me to be a part of a healing of a physical need with another - I will keep this one to myself, but to know that you know you followed what HE asked, is humbling.  AND, to see and experience a mire touch of HIS healing - wow!

 God also answered a MIGHTY prayer for another warrior in HIS name and to see that person be set free of many years of oppression is just truly a miracle.  Authentic Faith creates miracles.  I guess I would love to tell that whole story but it is not mine to tell, I just praise God that I got to be a part of it and I got to see it transpire.  God is a complete healer!


John 14.13  And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.   So, this verse.....Let me explain.  I am in constant prayer each day.  It would seem that Enemy likes to continue to haunt me about certain things.  But in Wisconsin, I had 7 days of peace...I mean, being away from our normal routine ---the Enemy still would hit me on a few things, but NOTHING of what  he lies to me about when I am in Okeechobee.  I am not sure I am explaining myself, but the point I am trying to make is that after 6 days of real peace, I realized that SOME day...the little bread crumbs of our past...WILL be gone...THEY won't hurt anymore....THEY really won't come to mind unless something really makes us think or talk about them and it was just the most sweetest presence of learning that.  THAT happened on the Harley, in the middle of Spring Green, Wisconsin, with HIS sun shinning on my face, my husband grabbing my leg and giving it a squeeze, and me, just holding onto him and enjoying the ride!     God is the healer, I experienced MORE than a band-aid.

Psalm 32.2  "Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him".  
No comment on this verse, it fits right in with my realization of HOW great God's healing is.  Nothing is counted against me.  Not my idolatry...not my pride...not my sin....wow!

These verses also made it to my purse:

I can do everything through him who gives me strength      Phil 4.13
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.       Prov. 16.3
God has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.     Eph. 1.3
For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.         1 John 5.5


I found this too:

"Human frailty is another thing that gets between God's words of assurance and our own words of and thoughts.  When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God seems to be non-existent. But remember God's assurance to us - 'I will never ....forsake you'.... have you learned  to sing after hearing God's keynote?  Are we continually filled with enough courage to say,  'The Lord is my helper'  or do we yield to fear?"
            - Oswald Chambers


I guess I   wasn't  completely fearful, but as my family continues to heal and as my husband and I continue to walk on new territory in our marriage, I was being gripped with some fear.  We have 'graduated' our counsel with our therapist but we still seek counsel from our Pastor and his wife.  We have really moved beyond much of our past, but the past seems to creep in.  I never want to be blindsided again, but I also don't want to shove or skirt anything under the rug that needs to be dealt with.  So, I laid it before HIM.

  And then, God reminded me, HE has this.  But HE has to be the center.  HE is.    We are never going to be perfect.  The consequences of our past ( both of us ) will forever be something that changed us - but in a good way.  The speaker yesterday at church spoke about Ester, her destiny was to save her people.  She was in the right spot and God used her.  God is using us.  God has put more than a band-aide over us and our relationship.  God has just been using this summer to let us grow deeper in knowledge of HIM and in turn, our entire family benefits and is restored.  


One moment at a time, one prayer at a time, one memory at a time.  God does 360's.  I have said it before and HE continually reminds me that HE is more than a band-aide.  HE is Lord.

Be blessed.  If you are in any sort of trial - I know that I know, God wins, HE can restore what the locusts have taken and HE wants to be your LORD.  Be encouraged, be set free.

I love this photo of us - 2012..we have since gotten a few wrinkles!

- michelle


So we pray - God -- fear can grip us so tightly and yet it can masquarade as something else and begin to put a wedge into a marriage where there DOES not need to be one.  
You know my heart Lord and the list is now longer as Bren and I picked up a few more names to pray for and intercede for ...but YOU Lord will win.  YOU LORD are a healer and You can put band aids on us and yet, I know that I know - YOU do heal perfectly.  

Lord for that one this eve that is fearful - may she or he realize WHERE that fear is coming from and rebuke it.  And I pray Lord that YOU will be glorified in all of this.   Again ..for those in trouble, I am praying and speaking by faith that Your marriage will endure and be better than ever.  IN Jesus name. Amen.  

Marriage is HARD, bold prayers to hold on - #31

Being married 10 years is a pretty BIG accomplishment.
Being married 20 is again - a major accomplishment.
Being married 30+ years -- is rare.
And so therefore celebrating a 40 year or 50 year anniversary is indeed a special event.


I got to thinking about the marriages that have some how ...remained steadfast and faithful...even up to 40+ years.


 But, why are so many failing?

Is it because we are in a 'disposable' generation right now?
Is it because divorce is too easy?
Is it because FB is where we get our affirmation?
Is it because we just don't want to get on our knees and wait on God?



Today's prayer is for THOSE marriages that have somehow escaped the 'crisis'.  Maybe they escaped intentionally and have been with God since Day 1.
Maybe they escaped cause Satan left them alone -- as he knew they were an 'easy prey'.
Maybe they escaped simply by the constant prayers of grandparents and parents...  only God knows.


Today  -- if your marriage is rocky or solid... this prayer is for yours.  











 For the one in the marriage  that is seeking You Lord for help  because her husband or  his wife doesn't  seem to want to seek godly advice and fight for the marriage:  


Lord, may it be  in your presence --where both of us are today.  And if he is NOT there -- I pray he will be.   Lord, I pray  it is  where both of us want to be and need to be.  Lord,  you will judge the living and the dead - help me never to judge my man  and allow him to have his own Jesus and his own Holy Spirit.  Lord, I can't be that for him.  Lord, help me to not preach the word to him and then live another way.  Lord, continue to show me wisdom through your Word and as you show me great patience, help me to extend it.  Lord, for the day to day stuff..... that may seem to attack us - I pray You would handle it all.  

Lord, help him to see that he is the other 1/2 in the relationship  and  I pray he or she understands that we are only united as one  when we are with HIM.  Lord, may neither of us turn from Your Word or what You are revealing to us.  May we both endure the HARD for the sake of Your Good.  Lord, may we keep our heads in all situations and do the work you have called us to do.  Lord, may we each be a poured out drink offering to each other.  

This photo has great significance for me, it was taken August 4, 2011 when we decided to give our marriage totally to God... house had sold and the awkwardness of reconciliation began -- But God...  BUT God Won! 

Lord, may I keep my mouth shut when needed.  May I show grace all the time and mercy all the time but mostly.....may I love him for WHO he is not WHAT I want him to be.  

Lord, this prayer is being written for ALL today and yet - it is my heart too...  Lord, for the desires of our hearts...for mine, for his... Lord, for our children, friends, and family - may we always be a light in the darkness.  Check us oh Lord, and reveal ANY sin.  Reveal any pride.   Lord, that I will be the help mate or help meet to my man, may he always look at me and see YOU in me.  But also Lord, may I look at him and see that sexy man I saw ...some 30 years ago that made my heart flutter -- the eros love...the agape love...each type Lord....  it comes from YOU.  

In Jesus name, amen.  

Marriage is HARD, bold prayers and selfie photos. #30

There it is.  There were many many  photos taken some eight to seven years ago of  me... me with others, me with a funny event...me.  

Me...trying to somehow get a message to my husband...SEE me...SEE me... SEE me.  

And me ..trying to subconsciously tell everyone that I was good and to continue to pray for me and my family.  

And just me...letting you know what was in my head for that day.  

This photo was snapped on a toilet in a restaurant.  I had gone out with friends and caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and was pleased.  I knew I looked good - and I wanted to share it.  But how do you take a selfie in front of your pals??  This was 2010..the selfie craze is very big but in the millennials ...not for a 44 year old!!   I had to sneak them in.  Thus...the bathroom.  I sat down and clicked.  I probably took at least twenty - this is the one that was saved.  

  At that time, in my defense,I wanted my husband to see how skinny I had become.  I wanted him to see the collar bone and the 'gauntness' of my face and of course -- I wanted him to want me.   My flesh was needy.  And yet, he did not have FB or any social media, but I figured MANY would tell him or inquire with him about me and they would show him the selfie and he would realize how WRONG he was and would want our marriage.  

 Mind you -- the skinniness was from  doing the OMG diet.  When someone saw me, they would say, "Oh my goodness Michelle, are you eating?"   I lied and said I was but I wasn't.  Literally I lived on a yogurt for breakfast and taco chips for supper.  When you don't have an appetite - you don't eat.  When you don't eat...your stomach shrinks and your body begins to change.  For for three months, I didn't eat and then when I began to eat again ...it was a little bit and I was usually sick to my stomach because I was under the constant prayer..."will my marriage survive?".  "Will I be divorced?" "What will happen next Lord?" THAT is not the way to lose weight.  It was fun for a season to wear stuff my daughter had in her closet -- but, reality sets back in. 

However in extreme stress and seasons of crisis -- many stop eating.  That was me.   

 Eight years ago when this was taken, my hubs and I  were separated and by August of 2010, I was doing many things that made my flesh feel better because my heart and spirit were hurting so.  Many of those 'things' I am not proud of.  


 By the next August -- August of 2011, there was a bit of a different story.  MUCH had transpired and MUCH had changed, but this picture  below was posted in August of 2011.  At this point, I was very nervous and I did not ask to have our photo taken...our daughter asked us to put our heads together.   We were in the AWKWARD phase.  Our house of 18 years had a contract on it,  we were awaiting the closing of it.  We were back in Marriage counsel and he was on board to try and make our marriage work.  Only God knew the outcome. 

 Me... I didn't even post that photo as by that time, Bren wanted NOTHING to do with social media and wanting NOTHING more to be public.  Our daughert posted that  photo - we were not even sitting next to each other at this family event.  But... I am thankful for this photo -- as I see it, I remind myself that there is always hope.  

Fast forward to now.  Next Wednesday we will celebrate 31 years as a married couple.  We have actually been celebrating for a year... as 30 years with the same person is indeed something rare now days.  Fast forward now, to our lives and our marriage and the fact that my husband has his own FB account now and has given me permission to share and be real on this blog.  We both know - we had a miracle within our marriage and our family and we know God can do it for others as well -- it just takes work, faith, obedience, and a willingness to submit to God and His Counsel.  

 But, the purpose of this blogged prayer today is this...


Stop...  some of us need to stop posting selfies that say everything is OK.  

Stop...some of us need to stop posting selfies of HOW wonderful and glorious our lives are and HOW our husbands walk on water.  

Stop...and some of us need to stop posting selfies that  show and display our fleshy features to let others know we are still of value.

Stop... some of us need to spend that time seeking God rather than scrolling.  

I believe at the bottom -- it is because we are wanting something. 

 Either we are wanting the world to know we are hurting and we want them to hurt with us.  Or we are trying to hurt another.  Or we could be looking for that fix -- 

Either way -- stop.  

Believe me -- I am preaching to the choir!  

I remember when I made that toilet photo my profile photo.  Within a few hours, Taylor was on my cell phone and exclaiming to me to take it down.  I asked why?  She said - MOM, everyone can see you are sitting on a commode!   A good friend posted, I am glad you took that down...you had 'scary' eyes.  

I remember reading posts during that time where "husband week" was created and several of these women would post and brag on their men.  I believed them ...then.  Now...when it happens...I pray. BAck then, I would actually pray .."Lord, I want a husband that I can brag about".  But this also puts undo pressure on a marriage -- expectations.  But that is another blog!  

   Back to those posts about their husbands -- If I know them, I seek God and question.  As if I see fruit within them and around them - it is awesome to celebrate that with them.  But where there is no obvious fruit - I pray.  And, If I really don't know them...I question myself  as to WHY they are my friends on FB, but then  I also pray.   It is not sad to say...I think it is healthy to say that we must watch and patrol our friends list.  We need to guard our hearts.   God is big enough - we are not each other's saviors or junior holy spirits.   

My FB usage has become different in the past two years.  About four years ago, a woman who I hold dear made a comment -- "I stopped." And she has, her comments are limited.  She hardly posts anything or shares much -- but she is a person of influence and I believe she made a godly choice to just stop with social media.  She is still there -- but, I noticed.  And I prayed God.  Because NOW..when she posts -- people pay more attention.  

 I admit.  My husband questions my 'addiction' and now my kids tease me.  So, in the past three years...I have been watching and withdrawing.   I use FB as a tool.  Yes..I share, but I share what I want to see from others.  I want to see family photos and I want to read inspiring good stuff and at a time when I was very desperate, God used FB and a godly servant to remind me, that HE was in control.  So I do believe that social media can be used for good. 

I know I also released the  burden of it.  In fact, on some days - I don't even look at it anymore.   

 I am a recovering, selfie -aholic as well.   Believe me...I am guilty of posting stuff to make everyone know  something.  And I am guilty  of ignoring stuff and  unfriending someone because I just don't want to deal with  or see their posts.     

But now, I truly and honestly seek God before I post.  I am human and I do love a good selfie - its  fun. As I have said before - social media is social media and WAY too often we TAKE our selfies WAY too seriously and need to 'get over ourselves'.  But as our world continues and so many more are using FB for their forum, their political stands, and for their shopping and their business  - it is not going away. 

 I just had to write about selfies.   And today's prayer for marriages.  



Lord God.. FB and other types of social media have helped marriages but also hindered them and caused literal break ups.  Families are being destroyed because you can see the drama being played out on social media.  Lord, I rebuke the enemy from infiltrating the families and couples that are within my close range and believe that indeed one day...they will post a selfie and state- God won.  

Lord, for those couples,especially for the wife who is dealt with infidelity at the moment because there was a hook up on social media.  Lord, may she seek comfort through you and not another.  

Lord for the needy and hurting wife that just wants to be loved..that she would post scripture and seek You rather than that cute pose that makes her look 20# lighter and happier.  

Lord, for that one particular family and you know who it is.  I thank you for answered prayer as they have used social media last night to remind those close around them..that God can win.     When I saw that Lord... that a couple was co-parenting and both of the moms were kind...God ...that could only be because of You and two humbled hearts.  I praise You for that.  

Lord, I am at day #30 or prayer 30.  I would ask God that these last 10...be even more powerful that the first 30.  I pray for the one couple that GOT me started on this series...God I pray for their marriage and that they EACH have had time now, separated, to see and understand what YOUR plan is for them.  

And Lord...I will pray for my funny husband and thank him for being real.  He has had a hard week.  He counsels many men and doesn't exactly SEE the fruit of it - but I know that I know - he will in heaven.  Continue to use us Lord to glorify You in a good way.  Protect us Lord, In Jesus Name.  Amen.   

Marriage is HARD. Bold Prayers # 29 - When we must wait on God.

 It has been a few days since I have posted.  I  released the notion and  burden that EACH day one of these prayers must be posted.  I am human and need sleep from time to time.  But I also want to be mindful of God.  

In the last few days, whenever the thought  of  our friend who  took his life enters my thoughts -- well, I  pray.  I pray.  Those thoughts can grip you one moment, cause anger the next, and then they can just overcome you with  pure sadness.  Especially when I think of his family and the children he left behind.   I think of his wife too and pray that she will seek the will of God and begin again.  I pray for her guilt, her feelings, and her job now as a single mom.  

So I have asked God over and over about what is next within this series.  The following blog was written 3 years ago.  It is time sensitive so when I say, "five years ago"...it is now eight years ago!  However, I felt it was a good thing or read and revisit for me today.   

Our words are so important.  Sharing what is godly and good is so important.  Speaking life is important as well.  And, rebuking the enemy is just as powerful as speaking life.  Many people do not understand that.   

Being rejected...hurts.  At one time, on a very dark night ... I found myself with a knife and I was cutting up my husband's belt.  One. piece. at. a. time.  Then I went to some shirts...and a hat.  I left the bedroom and  headed to the kitchen where I tried to destroy some other personal items.    I had a knife in my hand and I ended up using the knife to jab holes into our kitchen table.   After a few good moments, I realized what I was doing and I remember looking at the knife.  I also remember wanting to do MORE damage but realized that I had to stop, that going further was not longer releasing anger but allowing the enemy to control my thoughts.   

I am not sure if I called my sister - n- law or the Holy Spirit spoke to her to check on me, but I remember her being there shortly after that kitchen table revelation.  I remember asking myself, "what am I doing?". I remember her standing there, in my bedroom looking at me a bit strange and I remember her just listening and making sure I was ok before she left.   

But the hurt was so hurtful and the desperation was very real.  I couldn't control something and I wanted to.  I did not consider taking my life, but I asked God to beam me home...it was too hard and too painful to fall asleep and endure another day. 

.....But the hurt was so hurtful and the desperation was very real.  I couldn't control something and I wanted to.  I did not consider taking my life, but I asked God to beam me home...it was too hard and too painful to fall asleep and endure another day. 


But the hurt was so hurtful and the desperation was very real.  I couldn't control something and I wanted to.  I did not consider taking my life, but I asked God to beam me home...it was too hard and too painful to fall asleep and endure another day. 

There -- I am being  very real,  transparent,  and very intimate on this blog. Remember I have stated that we are to be authentic to everyone.  Transparent to most, but intimate to only a few.  As I lay this out there for the public to read, I pray that God will protect it.  ( And me. )  Some may read this and have empathy - others may have gotten to this point and stopped reading--it is just too close to home, and still, I bet there is one who will read this and cry ...as she has been 'there' or 'here' too.   Maybe there is a husband who is reading this and he has been there too.  

Pain is pain but sometimes we bypass what is right and smart to do -- and allow the enemy to convince us that some other choice will be better. 

Pain is pain but sometimes we bypass truth and allow the enemy to convince us that some other truth is a better choice and outcome.  

 I don't claim to know 'why'  a very loved and awesome father decided to take his life  ....but I do know, that God never left his side.  I am sure of it.  Suicide is a grey area in the bible. 

 My Grandfather took his life in a most public way when I was eight years old.  We don't forget life changing moments -- and I can easily remember that  day we found out and how we found out.  I can remember the look and anquish on my mother's face and then as we traveled to Grandma's house...I remember the adults all sitting around - trying to make sense of it all. I don't remember the funeral as much, only that I was missing the first day of 3rd grade - as that was my world.  As an eight year old...back in 1976...I was told I could not speak about it.  That is what children were told back then...but kids inquired.  It had been in the paper. I remember lying.    I was encouraged to lie - cause it was 'no ones business'.  There was shame within the family.  

I remember the moment, in my brand new yellow 'spring jacket', standing with my head hung low when my cousin asked me how my grandpa had died.  I looked at her only a moment and then hung my head and said, "I don't know".  And then ran off.... 

Over the many years beyond that, suicide has been an awareness within the walls of my head, heart, family, and circle of influence.  My mom always felt -- 'we could have been more aware'.  However, most often the ones who say they will take their lives are not the ones that actually do it.  And maybe that well loved father did not wake up that fateful morning intending the outcome that transpired -- but he was hurting.  

So -- anyway.... with that, I would love to have just one more chance to encourage the someone  we knew...I would tell him to hang in there -- there is HOPE and even if it seemed his marriage was ending, that God still had plenty of LIFE FOR HIM and his children.  My husband spoke to him often and encouraged him -- that God could change hearts and there was hope.  

But, that can't happen anymore.    And I totally get how in an instant ..something can happen and totally change a mind.   WE can choose our choices but we can't choose the consequences.

Words, the words we hear and the ones we tell ourselves -- may they be or they must be of God!   


Lord, the prayer today -- is still for marriages.  Lord, I pray that the people surrounding the family involved in last week's shooting will continue to  seek God and others to begin the healing process.  Lord, I pray for the children...that they will grow to know that God is good and their dad is in heaven.  I am just declaring that.  Why would I think otherwise Lord??  I can't think of any other alternative.  Lord, I pray for those women and men who have struggling marriages  - that they would continue to believe that You can change hearts and that they marriages can be godly.  Lord, I pray for the one reading this... I pray he or she reads my heart and connects in some way.  And Lord, I pray for the one particular couple -- family Lord -- that is separated at this time... God I pray that this separation would be a time where they seek You and realize that Your Will is for them to regroup, reequip, and regenerate what was lost -- but starting a new.    IN Jesus Name.  Amen.  And Lord, for the hurt when I was just eight years old -- You have brought healing and peace but perhaps there are others that are still struggling with this - may they SEEK You and be healed in Your name.  Amen.  


Ok here is that blog.  In my attempt to seek counsel and control my circumstances, I acted on a suggestion that I felt - at the time -- was the perfect way to 'snap' my estranged husband BACK to reality and BACK to our home.  It didn't work - it made stuff worse.  But here is a blog about it and HOW God met me and  honored me because he knew my heart.   My heart was in the right place...to seek MORE people to pray and 'then' ...he would return to our marriage.  

Once an affair is revealed -- there can be 'stopping' but most often -- there are soul ties established and nothing usually stops within a day. 

 Sad, but true.   I was reminded often.."your marriage did not fall apart in a week or one day....so it will take MORE than a week or a day to reconcile".  

IN a very desperate time, we make choices and I made a choice that I truly felt was God leading me.  But  I had misinterpreted something.    Some may feel I didn't -- that it was TIME to expose my husband's sin before the congregation, but God's Word does show and tell us how we are to deal with people that are sinning.  I neglected to really give God the time to show me what He needed me to do.

I hated that -- but it was true. God's timing.   So with that -- you can read what I did -- back over July 4th weekend in 2010.  I wrote this blog, five years after that -- in  2015! 

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One of the things I have learned is THAT I can't make sense of things.

Well let me explain....I can make sense that 2 + 2 = 4.
I can tell you that if I turn the oven on - it gets hot.
I understand and realize that it takes 9 months or longer to produce a baby....and that only women can do that!
I realize that most problems are caused by our own actions but some problems or situations are not our fault or caused by our actions.

THAT is when I continually go to God and ask WHY.?
Why?

However, in my 49+ years now - I realize that HE does not have to explain HIMSELF - HE is God.

When we try to figure it out - we are putting ourselves RIGHT there as an equal with HIM.

I don't ever want to do that.
I don't want to even think that I know it all.
I don't.

Earlier this week, I prayed with a woman about a situation and we both wanted to try and figure out the 'why'...but I had to remind myself and her -- sometimes we are never given the 'why'...we have been allowed into this situation because HE wants to teach us something, or draw us close, or discipline us -- in any of the circumstances --   God has to be the one in control. 

Five years ago, I asked many - to stand in the gap with me and pray for a man that had 'soul cancer'.  I  misinterpreted scripture and went before a body of believers and 'called him out'.  I asked strangers that worshiped with me, in a polite  and tearful way, to join  with me and pray for my husband.  I really thought I had it figured out.  I really believed that I would go before many,  seek their prayers,  and  by the end of the week - my family would be restored.
 I just really thought it was THAT simple.

Boy - was I WRONG.
 Now, God knew my heart and HE brought some very good out of that situation but that 'doing' also severed any bit of real hope  in him -

I mean, it totally severed 'what was left' of the relationship I had with that person. 
 He was hurt.   I was to pray for him...I was to seek others to join me in prayer - but I wasn't to make a public spectacle of it - there were many people that were unaware of his actions and it brought shame and hurt.  Since then, I have sought out forgiveness -- I was just wrong.   I was  an immature Christian.  A hurting woman.  But I had NO clue of that at the time.......but I believe God used my choice of action as a teaching point for me and for others as well.  ( HE later taught and showed me where I 'went' wrong - it was a lesson I will never forget!)

The bible says, "he who is without sin -cast the first stone".  There was one thing I really did not know or understand....secret sin.  I had secret sin too - I shouldn't of cast a stone - as I was just as guilty of sin.

Sin is sin.
Some sin is public for others to see.
Most sin is private.

But sin is sin.  God is the judge - not me...not others...not others!
I had hatred in my heart.
I had committed spiritual adultery. But no one really 'saw' that....

It is hard to make sense of things.

Taylor created this.....

I am thankful that God planted a seed of hope within me  so I was able to wait. God continually spoke to me in LOUD impressions and gave me direct words through HIS word and HIS servants.

  I wish I could say I waited patiently...from the outside people said I was patient but I really wasn't.

 But God had to do so much FIXING in me first and had to change quite a bit of me and how I thought about stuff - cause I was still trying to make sense.

  However, I also had to learn to trust God.  I had to let God be my ONE true love.

Once you really get a grip on WHAT that means.....with GOD being ALL.....the rest does not seem to be THAT important.  And the NEED to have it figured out ---diminished.

So again, I blog this evening and there is a deep burden on my heart and it has been a focus of prayer today and I am reminded that I don't have to try and make sense of it all.

I am reminded that God wins.
I am reminded that a window of heaven has opened -- now -- today --- there is a movement within our American churches today -- we want MORE of HIM.
I believe the women of God are rising up.....I have seen this. 
I believe the women of God are understanding that we must TRUST HIM more!

And because of that -- the ENEMY will be striking more.

 He will continue to seek, kill, and destroy as we as women of God are hated by him.  He is a liar.  And with our world so quick to be mindful of 'what is right'......we, as women of God will NEED to be strong with our ARMOR ON!

 WE must be ready!

 Our families.....ARE being attacked.

Period.

I bet it is around you too - I bet that if you are reading this and you  are aware of the spiritual rheum - there is someone that you could STAND in the gap for right now....let them know you will pray...please.  THAT meant SO much to me in  my time of crisis of faith....OH GOD...THAT is how HE sustained me.

And I will leave you with this scripture that blessed me so  and credit my daughter for the graphic!

Lamentations  3. 29  from the Message bible...

"When life is heavy and hard to take,  go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don't ask questions. Wait for hope to appear."

Or -

Get away by yourself...seek HIM.  Allow HIM to speak to you - be quiet.  BOW in prayer - do it.  Don't ask God why...don't ask questions.....listen, read HIS word...and wait for hope to appear and it will.  

I know it will.  

I have lived long enough to know -- that while we are in the 'middle of something'...it seems hard to see BEYOND the hurt and the circumstances......but HOLD on -- allow the friend to pray for you...

.....allow another to stand in the gap...

Go before HIM...seek HIM....

HOld your tongue - but be diligent in prayer and watch....God will give you little tidbits of blessings or signs where you will know .....HE is at work - so wait for the FULL answer or the HOPE to appear!  

God wins.  

I have seen it within our lives.  Don't give up!  

Psalm 27.13 

 I would of despaired unless I had believed that I'd see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!