Marriages are hard. I read it in a book, "marriages are NOT for the faint at heart". Meaning........being married took guts, steadfastness, and grit! Many couples never have any problems until the marriage ceremony has taken place. Then all of a sudden, 'stuff' surfaces.
I believe a marriage can not survive with out Christ. And yet, I have seen some very good good people have good marriages. However, 'good' doesn't necessarily mean 'godly'. And maybe when the enemy knows there is NO threat....that marriage can go untouched.
So, can a marriage survive without Christ, first in each of their hearts? I am sure it can and has. However, knowing that each of us were created in the image of Christ -- if that hole was never filled with God -- then something else filled it. And usually, that means that something else suffered. Perhaps what suffered is the 'family unit'.
Have you been in public and people watched? Couple watched? Can you see their communication? I have, we still do. And I remember a time when I was jealous of what I saw around me. It seemed, at that time, that everyone had a perfect marriage and mine was never going to be.
Do they communicate? Do they speak to each other? How do they listen to each other? When a couple has been married for several years- it can get very easy to think or know exactly how the other half will respond and maybe that is not a good thing. Do they still smile when they think of the other? Do they even care what the other is thinking?
I believe that faith that remains unchallenged -- ordinarily remains unchanged.
I believe a marriage that remains unchallenged - ordinarily remains unchanged.
If a husband and wife don't speak -- what happens? I have seen where and when communication breaks down - everything else seems to break down.
I think today --I want to touch on communication.
My husband and I people watch all the time. Since our own marriage went through a CRISIS period, we both are more keen and observant when a couple is very obvious with their communication -- whether it seems they are being loving -- or being hurtful.
Just last week, as I was pulling into a local spot where I live -- I could see the exchange with a mother and father. I have no idea if they were married or not - but the car seat was being loaded out of one car and into his. Then she stood there - communicating -- and her body language and her facial expressions told me instantly there was a problem. I watched her walk away in tears. I hurt for her. I prayed for that family and then went into the establishment.
And I remembered. Our son was 14 at the time, but for a period of time -- my husband and I met in the parking lot of CVS and 'exchanged' a child. And I praise God it was ONLY for a season but it still hurt and it was not forgotten.
Those nights when I would await my husband's car to return, from soccer practice down south, were hard. VERY hard. I would pray and cry as I drove into town to meet them, and I tried my best to make conversation with a teenager as we headed home. It was usually 10:30 or 11pm so our son was nodding off or sleeping, but I remember those nights and the prayers I said on my drive home.
Part of our problem or a side effect of what our marriage was AT that time, was that there was a BIG lack of prayer as a couple. At that time - there wasn't any! There had been. There had been times of family devotions and such, but the enemy got in there and slowly there was slow fade away from God and spiritual things.
But, God won and eventually through much prayer and faith, there would be a time again where we did have family prayer and we did get through to the other side. In fact, it was just about a month ago, where the 'original four' of us were sitting around a table eating dinner and we gathered hands and prayed as a family. I can't remember its purpose - but, I knew that I knew - our faith was challenged and it changed - through prayer and perseverance.
So, tonight's prayer is for prayer...
LORD...that the marriages around me would pray. Together.
Lord, that the women fighting for their marriages would continue to fight on their knees and may their prayers be bold and full of life.
But honestly Lord, that the marriages around me would PRAY together. I know HOW hard it is to accomplish this. It seems that everything gets in the way of that time to just pray for each other. So, Lord, those reading this tonight, maybe they stop and reflect about their prayer routine with their men. May You speak to EACH of them and remind them to pray more... seek you more...or help them to see some creative ways to accomplish this task. Lord, may this NOT be an area where Satan pulls them apart but where You are center and where You are glorified, In Jesus name, Amen.
So you can stop reading the blog at this point - or read further with some tips or observations I have collected on prayer. ( or I could call it my TOP TEN list!)
1. It is always hard to pray for the people you hate, it is harder to hate the people you pray for.
2. Youth ministers are always told to watch -- boys and girls should not pray together -- it is an intimate thing. ( So if you are in a troubled marriage - please do not pray for your marriage with a person of the opposite sex. Find a prayer warrior that will intercede with you on behalf of your spouse and it should be a person of the same sex. It should also be a person that has faith! Big faith! )
3. Don't compare your prayer life with other couples. ( Each and every time I did - I was placing expectations on my husband and trying to manipulate our prayer time. If you are unhappy with the amount of time you pray with your spouse - kick up your prayers and pray for God to place a wanting in your spouse to pray with you!)
4. Initiate prayer with your spouse. I know it can be hard, but try. Just try.
Just an insight into my world:
- Do I feel comfortable asking my husband to pray? I do now, but didn't for MANY years.
- Do we pray everyday together? No
- Do we pray at least 2-3x a week together? Yes, most weeks.
- Does he tell me to pray? Yes.
- Does he try and 'hurry me up' at times when I pray? Yes
- Do I feel comfortable praying in front of my husband outloud? Not usually, but it is getting better. I feel most confident when we are with a couple or person and he asks me to pray!
- When I initiate it, does he quickly pray with me? Yes.
- Do I feel inadequate when I pray with him? Sometimes, because to me -- he does sound 'more practiced' -- but this is the enemy's way of messing with me and I rebuke the enemy and just say the Lord's prayer and all is well!
- Do we go in streaks or cycles? Yes..... we do!
- When we talk about our lack of praying together - do we both agree we need it more? Yes.
- One thing that does work for us -- is an emailed prayer -- words. Or texted prayers. Even a text'd prayer speaks a lot. So... there is HOPE!
But the BEST solution we have found is praying together--is on road trips. Now that we have an empty nest, we will head to the coast for supper. The ride over is usually talk about the day and music, but the ride home is usually prayer.
We will do ABC prayers. Each of us takes a letter and the creative juices flow. For example,
A -- Always, Lord, thank you for always being there for us and meeting our needs.
B -- back, Lord, we pray for our backs...Lord, that each of us walks in your truth and when we do -- we know you WATCH our backs! C -- Chelly....Lord, for Chell - Lord, protect her... etc. etc. As we pray together and the Holy Spirit leads, we get very creative and we laugh. I think God laughs too.
5. Keep a prayer journal. You can even do this with your family. Take a notebook and have 2-3 pages for each day of the month. For example, label page 1 - "1" and then label page 4 - "2". Then on the first of the month, go to the page marked 1 and list some prayer requests. And on the 2nd of the month, go to that 4th page and list the requests for the day. And so on. Pray as a family. If your kids are old enough - let them write out the requests. Then on the first of the next month you would return to page 1 and see what you prayed for the previous month. Note what prayers were answered and add more requests. It will become a legacy of prayer and something that will bless your socks off.
6. Seek an accountability partner - one who will hold you accountable and ask you some tough questions. 1. They ask about your quiet time with God and if you are reading your Word. And 2. they can pray with you on requests or even ask you if you have a prayer life or if it has stopped.
7. Sing your prayers -- there are MANY worship songs that can lead into prayer -- and I have prayed and prayed songs over my marriage and my man as well as my kids.
8. There are MANY written prayers out there on the internet or in books. Stormie Omartian is a excellent prayer source person with a collection of books that can help you pray for a certain person for a season.
9. Pray -- just talk to God. We are to pray without ceasing. I always thought this meant that you had to find 2-3 hours at different points in the day to stop and pray. Formally. God can ask you to spend that amount of time, but it can also be a constant communication with Our Heavenly Father and prayer can be as little as three words, "Oh Jesus help" to a lengthy chatter with God.
10. Prayer DOES change things...it changes people, circumstances, and our own perception of the situation or others. Prayer works.
Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the ONE who hears it and not in the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference.
PS,
Congrats -- you read to the end! If you read this and are in a 'hot mess' marriage and you need a person to pray -- I am willing. Just contact me. If you don't know me -- I am SURE That God has placed SOMEONE within your circle WHO could pray for you and with you.
I believe in marriage. I believe that many of us - quit before we even allow God to fix. I know that GOD can change a marriage. I know - cause we do NOT have the same marriage now that we had before our crisis of faith or when the earthquake hit our marriage. We are in the 2nd half...the better half of our marriage and I want that for those I am praying for - around me. Amen.
I would also ask you to pray for me -- that as I write these prayers for marriage for the next 40 days -- that the Holy Spirit would lead and the topics HE gives me - would minister and speak to many! And I will be transparent here -- God has been weaning me from public affirmation, for months, so that part of me wants to tell you that I would need confirmation and affirmation --that my time spent on these prayers were worth it. But as I said, I won't ask and I really do not need it.
As I do believe I am to blog and post - period. But alas, I am human.
But if the Holy Spirit prompts you -- please share these blogs - with another. It was a very brave person who boldly shared a vision, another godly person who message me a Word from God, and a couple who reached out to me to remind me that God was in control -- during a VERY hard season. I know that I know -- their boldness ...helped save me from a decision that would of played out very differently. And as a result - God won.
We are to be the hands and feet of Jesus. So often we hide behind stuff and don't want to 'get involved' when in reality -- we should. I know that one day, I will stand before Jesus and I don't want to MISS any opportunity to be His hands and feet. That motivates me and moves me. It also gets me into hot water at times.....but I will trust that God fights for me. Ex. 14.14.
God bless -- Michelle
