Who is My Jesus? Blog #2 El Roi and Personal

I want to share in a series of some blogs... WHO my Jesus is! 

  This one particular Sunday morning, last  February,  as I was holding SJ,  and praying for a dear one that I had had, another conversation with because she doesn't see eye to eye with me about Jesus and His dying for my sins-- I worshiped and  music took me to HIS throne!!

 I heard Holy Spirit remind me, 'tell her of WHO I am to  you'.    So, this series of blogs has started -- Who is Jesus to me?  Whom is Jesus to you?  

I am writing this today - Saturday, February 20, 2021.  

Today, 5 different people came to my mind  over and over as I enjoyed a Saturday. 

  A cycle ride, visits from a dear son and his bride, a  bridal brunch, laundry, spider relocations, and EZLynx, as well as other things occupied this Saturday.  

 Do you ever find enough time in a Saturday to accomplish everything that you 'put off' until Saturday. ?   

Me?  No.  

But most Saturdays,  I seem to manage and get ONE LAST thing done before crawling into bed and then leave the rest for the NEXT Saturday and feel accomplished!   

Today, in my prayer and conversation time with God, five different people kept coming to mind. 

 I wanted several  of them  to experience my Jesus as their El Roi.  

 I knew one of them was actually with Jesus, and I wanted the other  to have a fresh revelation of Jesus in her  hard season. 

El Roi  is Hebrew for the "God who sees me". 

For me -- THAT is personal.  One of the most awesome experiences is when you know that you know - God DOES see you and brings you or gives you something to affirm your pain...your happiness... your situation....or just fills your being with peace.  

When you know that He sees YOU -- it brings a level of faith that you want to experience over and over.  

When you KNOW that HE sees you -- you are NOT so needy of others.  And... you are different.  

Does that make sense?  I pray it does.  If not, I pray it will. 

  In this series of blogs - my heart is to share WHOM Jesus is to me.  

He is the God who sees me.   El Roi. 

When SJ  yells, "Mimi" or "G-Man", you know it. 

 You can hear her.  

When Ava was little, she'd scream and it would drag out, "MEEEE MEEE" - again, when she saw you, there was a BIG rush of sweetness. 

 When you see a  friend or loved one after being absent from their presence for a time period - you and I know both HOW wonderful it feels to SEE them.   

There have been times when I have wanted to disappear. 

 As a child, when I was in trouble or when I was feeling neglected, I would often run away to the woods.  I would lay down in some hay, and fall asleep until the mosquitos or some bug awoke me.

  I would look around and walk back home.  Most times, I wasn't missed.  Or at least, I felt I wasn't missed. 

 I laugh about this at times, now, as an adult -- and I think of today's world. 

 THERE is no way that one of my grand kids could just walk away and me not notice. 

 Mind you - I grew up on a farm  and there was much activity... and  in a different time period... back then, kids did play outside and had, maybe a little more freedom than I would allow SJ or Ava today. 

 And, I did have a sweet childhood -- this is NOT a cut on my upbringing.  But, as I grew, and experienced circumstances, that is one area the enemy would go and whisper back at me, "see, you were never noticed  as a kid,  you were not wanted, why would you think you are wanted now?"   

The enemy is a Liar. 

Mind you -- I was never told this, and I was raised where I knew I was loved.  It is just - the enemy is a LIAR.  

So often I think..."if the enemy can tempt me at times with these lies and I DID have a good thought life as a kid, then oh my oh my, these poor people who were neglected and abused, and forgotten!"  

 However, he  ( the enemy ) has watched you and me for a LONG time and knows exactly what to whisper....  

Anyway, back to being SEEN.  

As an adult, there have been many times I have wanted to disappear again.  And again, in some of those times -- I was not missed.  I have been in a season where I felt NO one cared to pay attention.  I have also been in a season where I was so ugly in my flesh and in my head, that  I wanted to disappear and not be found and no one really came to find me because I was so 'ugly'.  

But God.   

I told you I was thinking of some precious people today - and praying.  Some of those women, do not believe that God sees them.  They have not had a revelation that Jesus loves them....YET.  I prayed that within their circumstances, they would FEEL HIM  and believe what we have prayed ....that He is a God who sees them.  Sees her.  

A few others of those precious people know exactly WHO Jesus is to them.   I prayed today, that in their hard seasons, they would be reminded that God knows exactly what has transpired and what will come forth - and that they would NOT give up until the freedom comes and/or until there is beauty from the ashes.  

 And one of those precious people -- lives in my  memory --  and I know he is experiencing God as El Roi  as I type.  And he sees God -- as I believe He and Jesus are with Him. 

That precious one is my Grandpa. 

 Well, he is the Grandpa of my husband, but I adopted him as mine - over 30 years ago.  

One of the first times I met Rev. Edwin Ziemann, he pulled me into the front room, sat me down, and asked me quite quickly and frankly -- "did I know Jesus as my Savior?"   That was a conversation that caught me by surprise but, I was  always so grateful he did.  I was only about .... 17. 

I wonder and think back the people that have come into my home -- would I have the boldness to ask, "what is your relationship with Jesus?"  

Praise God my two kids have mates and they adore God and seek HIM - but, Grandpa, that day -- was just being his evangelistic self.  He wanted to know if this young girl that his grandson seemed to be infatuated with -- knew Jesus.  

 In Heaven, if they celebrate birthdays, Edwin, Grandpa Africa is 104 years YOUNG!  

God is the God who sees.  

My Jesus is God. 

I believe God placed those 5 precious souls in my mind and heart today.  Grandpa didn't need prayer, but the other 4 did. 

 Why - cause HE is the God who sees, and I know that my prayers and intercession was important. 

 And as I prayed, I claimed victory over the enemy.  And, even though I may not get to see the fruit of my prayers, I know that my prayers were heard.  

My Jesus is El Roi.  He sees me.  

In the last 12-15 years, there have been many occasions and situations where I was hurt, or scared, and Jesus met me each time. 

 Sometimes, it was through another's words or presence. 

Other times it was during prayer, or in reading God's Written Letter.  The Bible. 

 And even other times, it was a dear friend - reaching out to remind me of HIS character and HOW Good HE is.  

And a few times, it was a weird blog, something I read, or a stranger just smiling at me in a store -- where I knew that  I knew - God was speaking to me.  

El Roi comes from the story of Haggar in Genesis - where, her prayers are heard and she knows that God saw her plight.  

God sees us.

I believe you were drawn to this blog tonight, because God wanted me to remind you - HE sees you.  

He sees your pain, He knows your hurt, and HE won't fail you.  

 I will end with this - 

Lord, for those reading this, for the ones that I prayed for today and for those YOU will lead me to tomorrow..... may they SEE you.  

May they seek you and I know that I know - YOU will be right there. 

 As Your Word says, "my sheep, hear my voice".  God I pray the one...the one that disagrees with me - would SEE you , the REAL you , even as I close this blog. 

 And I give you the praise and the honor - Lord, thank you.  

Who is my Jesus? Blog #1 Details and Obedience

 
I want to share in a series of some blogs... WHO my Jesus is.  Back in February of 2020, I was so frustrated with a loved one -- she does not see what I see in Jesus.  It has caused and been the point of TOO many hurt feelings and conversations that didn't end well.  However, with each of those - prayer followed and God has been reminding me for years -- "I have her".  This one particular Sunday morning, that  February morning as I was holding SJ while praise and worship was filling the air, I heard Holy Spirit remind me, 'tell her of WHO I am to  you'.  

God reminded me of THAT conversation this morning.    I wrote this blog on Saturday, and was awaiting God to EDIT it.  He did this am.  

 Here it is:   IN  November,  I blogged about God being in the details.  I shared a story about having a cyst removed and  having a slight bleeding situation and God -- showed UP, right when I needed HIM through another and HE comforted and  I knew, that He had orchestrated a divine moment to remind me - HOW much HE loves me.  

The photo to the right, is one that makes me smile.  It is a mile marker in my own spiritual journal to KNOW my identity. 

  It was taken in November of 2019 when I was blessed with a "Blessing Encounter" from my family.  That day, brought forth a MUCH needed affirmation that I had been waiting for  -- for almost 10 years.  

THAT is another story or blog.  But, that smile on my face -- if you were around me, yesterday -- YOU would of seen THAT smile.  As GOD met me, through a  "chance" encounter that HE orchestrated.  

The photo at the TOP of this blog is of my Grandparents.  WELL, I claim them.  However, they are my husband's grandparents.  Edwin and Bernice Ziemann.  Today, I received this photo of them.  First of all - I LOVE the laughter and happy in their eyes and smiles.  AND I LOVE how they are holding hands.  I know that in Heaven we 'won't be married'...but THESE two - I bet have mansions pretty close to each other and in the front row of Heaven Lane, able to see Jesus anytime.....  

Anyway -- let me get back to my Encounter yesterday. 

 For some time now, the Lord had been speaking to me about BEING in HIS Word -- and ONLY HIS Word. 

 I do bible study, write prayers, and do EVERYTHING I believe HE wants me to do.  Did you hear that??   .... DO... I can keep busy, I can DO much. 

 Grace is something I had to learn and being STILL in HIS presence  will happen often...but I am learning to SOAK in it.  I am too quick to find some sort of meaning or revelation from that time with HIM and then I stop - or cut it short.  As it seems, I am always too busy.  

So, as  I am  learning to be  STILL in HIM.  I always want to make sure that I am doing WHAT HE wants me to do or again ...be still and wait.   One thing I will remind myself is..."It has to be ME and HIM and my journal" - nothing else.  

For me and my brain - that is HOW I SEE it.    

However, it is VERY easy to slip back into a study or doing something. 

 I have 'fought' this -- probably for a good year or maybe even two. 

 I HEAR Him, He extends me grace, but as I continue to have time with God, there is something to which I KNOW I have not been obedient with.  It was made very aware to my brain again -- yesterday. 

Yesterday, as part of a bible study I am presently in with some family,  Unit 9, it  deals extensively  with obedience. 

 Some activities and questions had me on my knees again and I simply asked God, "why don't I have blogs to write -  anymore?" ....

.....and as clear as I can hear my fingers type on the keyboard, I heard, "I have asked you to be still IN my Word for my Word and when you do, the words will come"...   

  I felt Holy Spirit right there. 

 I knew it.  I felt the enemy try to bully me and remind me of my UNWORTH... but, I just wrote in my bible study book -- I HEAR YOU LORD.    I HEAR YOU -- help me to be  still.... I wrote, "help me to do the study but ALSO sit in YOUR word, each day... NO matter what...may I let NOTHING come first".    I cried. 

 I played some worship music and called  my hubby, and confessed to him as well -- as he had asked me about 2 weeks, ago..."how is YOUR still time with God coming along?"   

When Bren asked, I was MAD... admitting to him that I could not answer - hurt. 

He was gracious.  He showed me grace. 

So, back to yesterday.  Back to WHO Jesus is to me.  

 I had some errands to run, and I grabbed my phone and noticed a message from a person in Cederburg ,  Wisconsin.  She was asking if I was any relation to Edwin or Bernice Ziemann from Mayville, Wisconsin.    

Yes.  

A conversation ensued and I was In AWE of a SWEET SWEET God. 

 El Roi -- HE sees us.  God knew the timing - of course.  God knew the enemy would BEAT me up again and God heard when I said and wrote in my study book, "Does my blog even matter? Does anyone even read it?"  

Julie is my new FB friend.  She was looking through old photos from her Great-Aunt Lucia.  And then she and her brother reminisced about Pastor Ziemann and his wife Bernice.   There were photos of the Ziemann familiy and other family members that have all gone to see Jesus.  

Ziemann --  that name was  very common in her childhood.  A text led to her brother coming across my blog. 

 She grew up -- she has a faith story -- she told me, "we were raised with your family name spoken of with great respect and admiration. Lucia always said that the Gospel Tabernacle was basically birthed in her parents' living room.  My understanding is that Pastor Ziemann was a part of that church plant.  My brother sent me a link to your blog of 2013 where you mentioned your husband's name and his missionary family.  And it included a photo of the Ziemanns.  Then I found you on Facebook"    

Whoa. 

She continued, "Your family had a very significant impact on our family  into the 6th generation.  I know they touched countless lives and I am one of the many.  It will be an honor  of my life to thank them in eternity for all of it.  " 

I read this and was overwhelmed with such an AWE of God -- 

One, this blessed me. 

 Two, this blessed her. 

 And, Three - I was able to share the story with Mom -- ( my mother-n-law ) and her sister - Auntie Pat today.  WOW... WOW.  

El Roi - GOD sees you -- 

HE knows WHAT you need - HE knows WHAT you need and HE wants to remind you that HE Loves you -- 

THAT smile - in my photo at the top -- God wants to plant a smile on YOU so big.  .....EVEN in our hard circumstances and trials -- HE still SEES us.   My Jesus is in the details.  HE knows me.  

 Details -- what are the chances that a blog from 2013 -- would stumble across  Julie's brother's eyes and he sent her a text and she read.  Then she read another blog and contacted me.  Praise God for Facebook and the internet.  

6 generations -- whoa... I WANT to impact 6 generations -- I want someone finding my blog in the year 2034 and may they read between the lines and KNOW that God is in the details.  

Mom ( Marilyn ) remembered Lucia - fondly.  Julie and Mom are going to have a conversation next week. Mom said today, she would sit in church with Lucie while her Daddy preached as Lucia was able to keep she and her sister Pat 'quiet'. 

  Church - sitting on a pew - keeping quiet - THAT I can relate to.   Julie sent us several photos, and today looking at the elders -- who listened to Holy Spirit and planted churches back in the early 40's and 50's ... legacy...  whoa.  I am in awe of God.  

As I said, I want to leave a legacy - I don't think our world will tarry to 2034...but, then again - It may. 

God's Kingdom Calendar is HIS.  Either way -- I know we should be living a life that shows others -- HE is Lord - and THIS is my Jesus.  HE knows how these obscure and random 'findings' of my blog -- make me KNOW - HE is the God who SEES and hears me.  

So, a simple prayer to end here -- WHAT does El Roi want you to SEE?  

May HE be that ONE to place a smile on you -- may HE remind you today, that HE LOVED you -- LOVES you .. Amen.   

Lord, I also pray that as I write about YOU - and HOW you love me... God I pray that just one - or many will read and WANT what I experienced and just ASK, as I know YOU LOVE them - as much as YOU love me...   and that -- YOU died for him or her too -- and, I pray that they'd know and understand that Jesus would go to that CROSS again for them - but PRAISE God - PRAISE YOU Lord, that HE does not have to do it again... Amen.