Monday, October 31, 2016

For the one this eve that is MAD at God....

I wrote this blog a few years ago.  Today, I believe it is to be edited and posted  again for  one that is very angry with God right now.  Her marriage or lack of a marriage has totally fallen apart of late.  

I get her.  I was once mad too.  I was mad first at my husband, but eventually my anger went back to my Creator.  God.  However, I found out His shoulders are BIG enough to handle that anger  and BIG enough to wait on me -- until that anger was placed in the right spot.  

But until that happened - it was easier for me to just think and tell myself that the person who was hurting me was not God -- but another.  One who had hardened his heart.  One who listened to the enemy rather than the Holy Spirit within him.   

Until that one with his free will changes  -- it was awful.  It hurt.  
Another is feeling that same way.   

Call me crazy and this may not be theoretically correct with your theology - but this helped me wait just a little while longer on God....

The Vine and the Branches
15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit;apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

God's word is what we need to take in daily.  

God's word is our communication with HIM.

God's word reveals.

God's word disciplines.

God's word brings light to our darkness....

God's word must be something we CRAVE.  

"Short"  blog post....    vs. 5 says...remain in me and I will remain in you.  

I have a loved one near me -- I saw how he did not remain in HIM.  
I have another loved one, that I diapered as a child, and loved so....and she has not remained in HIM.  

And there is a wife this evening - that wants BACK the man she once saw -- love and worship Jesus like she did.  It certainly seems as if there is NO hope...NO chance of reconciliation and NO peace....but how much more time should she wait?  

Has this one remained in you?  

When I read the words REMAIN in me....  that tells me that I could possibly...'not' remain in HIM....

It is my choice.  
My doing.  

I know that I know, I am eternally secure and I know  - that NO one can pluck me out of my Father's hands -- but, I believe it is possible to WALK out of HIS hands....on my own ...with my own two feet...with my OWN actions.  

As I said, call me crazy -- but THIS makes sense to me.  

Verse 6 says it too -- if you remain....

I believe that MANY of relied too heavily on that ...'walk' down the aisle as a child.....and then --  just... lived.  

I believe there is  NO condemnation for those...who live with Jesus Christ... nothing can stop me from the love of my Heavenly Father -- I don't believe that HE ever 'hates' HIS is not possible for God to hate - us as HE sees us through the blood of HIS Son.  

So, I am not worried, nor do I believe I must re-dedicate my life each night in any type of fear -- Salvation is my gift.  I have freely accepted it.  

I know my heaven is eternally secure. 

I just pray that the others -- the ones I have SEEN love Jesus and serve Jesus but have decided to walk away....I pray there is repentance...and I pray there is no eternity is a LONG time to regret...

Hell is a real place.  


So, Lord, today - YOU have me thinking LORD... and I love what is transpiring as I think and challenge   YOUR Holy Scriptures.  

Either way -- I am secure.  

And Lord, tonight, I have prayed already -- but I am praying again...asking YOU to intervene...begging you for this victory for my sister in Christ...I WANT to see MARRIAGE win...I want to see HOPE arise...

I will trust that YOU  are ministering to that sweet precious wife who is hurting so.. but praise YOU Lord...that she still wants to wait on her husband.    

And Lord, there may be one where indeed one half won't budge and seek help, so therefore, would you show that hurting wife or husband what Your will is so they stick it out or seek to dissolve the relationship but in a good and godly manner.   Lord, ONLY You can do that -- it even hurts to type the words as I still want to believe in HOPE and a possibility.   As nothing is impossible with God!   

God I want that for her husband - estranged or not...and for those kids....LORD - SATAN has had the upper hand FAR too Jesus name we believe a miracle is around the corner.  Give her closure or set her heart with peace to wait just perhaps one more day or even more more hour.  YOU can do some amazing feats Lord --

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Justification by Faith

 Justification -- it certainly seems like everyone is trying to justify how or what is important to them.  I am guilty.

Social Media is the context to this blog.  

I have been questioned as to why I even post  on FB and then again, I do find some good in it.  And, I ask and seek God all the time.  I have such a peace though about it -- it wasn't always that way. 

I admit, I have even been posting and trying to justify the reason why and whom I plan on voting for -- for some time I felt it was my "duty" to speak up and inform others.  I also post scripture and try to be funny, but it certainly seems like the majority of the news feed is FULL of the Hilary vs Donald saga.

I just say,   I hope that I use social media  as it was intended to be used for.  ( For social purposes!) 

 Then, something happened to me -- I went to St. Louis and had another Encounter with God and much changed. ------- I already blogged ----you can click this link and read this blog if you wish.
 Cast All Cares

Anyway, today something triggered a thought in me and I wanted to blog.  I came to my blog here and noticed it had been 10 whole days since I blogged last.  I prayed, asked God for some insight and  wanted to write.  I have been thinking and praying -- about the election that is right around the corner.  Our absentee ballots arrived today.   My husband ( my man)  and I will  cast our votes  this weekend,  mail them off, but first I will take my ballot to school and show my students.   The teacher in me never quits.    I just wanted to avoid the polls and the hustle and bustle of the election day.  And, I just want this to be OVER!    ( And my students were enthralled with looking at the ballot -- parents:  please educate your children in life stuff.  I know I am to do that as well -- but there is SO much more we don't have time to do in those 7 hour days!!) Sorry -- I digressed....  

But anyway -- what did I  want to blog?    I asked God!   I knew what I wanted to express, but that may NOT be what God wants me to express!!  

 Some of the posts I have read lately, I have   laughed at,  and prayed for to; especially the person who posted it.   In the past week, it certainly seemed  like there was to be  shame on  others if they didn't  agree with the  a political  post.  Another post basically stated, "I don't know how a Christian can vote for Trump".  And still,  another posted  how Christians have to 'water down' their Christian beliefs to justify their vote.   All  of those posts got me thinking -- and I sought God.

"God, have I done that?".

"Lord, please forgive me if..when I have...and may those that took offense read this and know -- I am sorry!   Repenting!"  ( Repenting may mean stopping a habit or behavior, it could also mean changing!)

And then I got a little frustrated.

I have not watered down my faith.  If anything, I have sought God's Word even more and sought some clear answers for this or for that!

And, I took about 5 seconds of offense and I quickly told the enemy of our souls to LEAVE my thoughts -- but another could take  offense when they  read: "I don't know how a Christian can vote for Donald...".

   I am a believer.

  I love Jesus with all of my heart and I know that I know what I believe in and what I stand for.   For me and my husband.....the definition of marriage and abortion are two very powerful or key issues.  Our freedoms and rights are important as well.  And, quite frankly -- I am just tired of the  SAME.

This media campaign is downright nasty and awful -- but everyone associated with the ugly will stand one day before God as well and have to account for their actions.  I pray I am NOT behind them in that line!!  However -- grace!  

For the past  two years -- I have been learning more and more about God's Grace.  ( Credit is given to God and my pal Sarah!)   I found this  photo  and it suited me perfectly.   It suited the situation.  It suited  my thoughts.  I found it after I read a blog from a popular Christian author and my heart grieved.   She has a blended, multi-racial  family and she has some issues within her life that are very different to mine and yet her opinions on some issues -- I questioned. And some opinions I TOTALLY agree with. 

 So...I extended grace.   I didn't  agree with her on the political stuff.     She has written some very popular books, I bought a few and gifted some away to others.   I probably won't buy any more now -- now, that I have read some recent comments about 'the church' and how we have failed.   Each person has the right to their opinion.   She is in a different place and well, it just grieved my heart.   And I was reminded that the enemy of our souls was still seeking to steal, kill, and destroy and it grieved me today because it certainly appeared that this author may indeed be a false prophet -- but if she is, God will deal with her later!   Enough said. 

My heart grieves for others though too....there is more to grieve out there -- too many still lost and seeking the enemy and his lies rather than Our Lord!  

Then,  I sort of found myself again, asking God -- why is there so much diversity?

He quickly answered...."if my people will who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven,  and  forgive their sins and heal their land".    2 Chronicles  7.14 

It is evil...remember the scripture that says in the last days that people will be lovers of themselves!!  It certainly seems like  we are in the era of where  -- it is always me and no longer do we with repent!  

 Then God Brought me to this:  

Justification by Faith.  

For if we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.  Romans 5.10 . 

I am not saved by believing; I realize that I am saved --by believing.
It is not repentance that saves me: repentance is the sign that I realize what God has done in Christ Jesus.
The danger is to put the emphasis on the  effect instead of on the cause - -"it is my obedience that puts me right with God, my consecration"


I am put right with God because prior to all, Christ died.
When I turn to God and by belief accept what God reveals,  I can accept,  instantly the stupendous Atonement of Jesus Christ rushes me into a right relationship with God and by the supernatural miracle of God's grace I stand justified, not because I am sorry for my sin, not because I have repented, but because of what Jesus has done!  ( GRACE!)
The spirit of  of God brings it with a breaking, all-over light, and I know,  though I do not know how, that I am saved! 

THIS is from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

I had to read that 4x to let it SINK in and  get it.   And that peace that I have been living in  reminded me that indeed, the bottom line is,  that I am the only one that will face Jesus and God when I get to heaven. At my time of judgement.

  I don't have to answer for this one or that one.

 It is just me and God.

 I don't have to worry about -- that author , she has to face God herself.
.....That one on FB will have to face God by  him or herself.
 Prayerfully Jesus will be interceding!
.....That husband will have to face God for the decisions he makes for his family and his kids.
   ....  that wife will stand and account for her own sin.
.......The adult children will have to face God for their choices and so forth.
......The estranged husband will have to account for his actions, he lack of spiritual authority and his choices.
....that Husband will stand before God and account for the wife that NEVER saw Jesus in his walk with Jesus....   ( whoa - THAT thought GOT me!)  
.....The teenager that has decided to roam the world and ...........
....the false prophets.
....those that claim to love Jesus and share Jesus and yet their own co-workers can't tell they are a Christian.
.....those....   that....   she.......he.....    

Bottom line - Grace affords me the ability to live with peace. 

I am justified through my faith in the ONE who created me.
Jesus already worked everything out by the Atonement - when the supernatural became natural by the miracle of God; there is the realization of what Jesus Christ has already done -- "it is finished." 

First off Lord, forgive me and SHOW me where I FIT into those  statements.  May there me less of Michelle and more of God showing through.    Lord, take me to a deeper place with you and give me MORE grace to extend when I see that one -- especially one close that I just want to jack slap some Jesus into her... but yet, you have given me this presence and perfect physical peace that I seem to be able to GRASP onto and I will indeed....extend it!  

Lord, for the ones who believe that your Word can be adjusted and 'changed' in this present day because of love.   Lord, that Your Word does not become watered down when it is being spoken.    Lord, for that one particular author whose  opinions  may be leading sheep astray -- may those, may ANY of us that read stuff in the media and watch on the news , truly USE your scripture to verify and test what is spoken and written.  

Lord, I pray that EACH person who reads this, including me -- is always alert and ready with their ARMOR on!  

 Lord, for the ones who have a voice and seem to express it to shame others.  Lord, for the ones who have social media following -- may their choices, their words, and posts be ones that edify and truly line up with YOUR Word.   Lord, may each and every choice be qualified and judged based on Your holy word and Your divine wisdom.   

Lord, even for the ONE today - as I edit this and I noticed their actions did not follow their words...   Hebrews 6.10 -- You are not unjust and You will not forget the work and the love you have shown him  -- me -- as you have helped me help others and you want me to continue to helps others...

Help us Lord to love the unloved, minister to the ones that are rejected, and be a light in this world of darkness.   Help us to understand the different ethnic cultures and history among them !
IN Jesus name,  amen. 

Lord, may they see Jesus in me!  Amen.! 

Sunday, October 16, 2016

The toliet paper square!

Can you spare a square?

 If you are a Seinfeld fan, and you have watched a bit, you may have seen the show where Elaine is in the bathroom and she has to ask,  as she reaches below that stall wall,  to the next person in the next stall, "can you spare a square?".   To which the other person responds, "I don't have a square to spare!".  

"Really, you don't have a square to spare?".   I kept thinking of that this evening as I was reading and chatting with my handsome 50 year old husband.  

Today in church, our Pastor used a roll of TP - toilet paper to illustrate a point.  He was speaking out of Matthew 25 and the parable about the talents and using God's Word to remind us of some concepts.

1.  What I have been given is meant to benefit the Kingdom of God.
 2.  God gives each of what, what we can handle.
 3.  God expects us to invest our talents.
 4.  We will give an account for whatever you have been given.
And 5. What we do in this life - determines our eternity! 

In that funny Seinfeld illustration, the person would not even spare a square or basically - share.
What my Pastor was trying to illustrate,  was that as he rolled out the roll and walked up and down the aisles of our little church  -- what we DO - here on Earth is really only represented by ONE small square.  THE rest... is what we will reap in Eternity --basically -- what we do with that ONE small square in this life here on Earth -- will determine the rest!   

Hard truths.

It was one of those messages where you could be sitting there with extreme conviction, guilt, or even shame...but you could also be sitting there with pride and assessment of one's accomplishments.   It was  a message where we both  stopped, took notes, reflected, and sought  God  this evening as we chatted -- where am I, where are we,  in this illustration and WHAT have I/we  done with my/our  talents?

The PURE simple fact that we laid in our bed together and discussed this - is indeed a miracle.  

This past week, someone asked me to share some information.  I will adhere to some advice that Beth Moore gave in a message a few weeks ago, she said:  "authenticity to all, transparency to most, intimacy to a few".    I blog.   I write.  Blogging is a medium that is 'new' to this era but as I have said before, it was God's use of some bloggers and some messages through social media that met me in a very HARD time -- a crisis of faith.

I know blogging is not for everyone.  I am even confronted at times and reminded that I may be TOO open or too honest.  I have been warned that I am TOO trusting.  But as I traveled to church this am and God and I were just conversing back and forth, I stopped to ask HIM, "why?".   Why am I like this Lord?

I believe He impressed upon me and said, "my child, I use you through your words and your honest answers -- others see and read what they can't express and it helps them".   And I quickly was reminded of how  Beth Moore spoke about this just this past April.  She spoke about how she will watch herself on TV and sit there and ask God, "why do I have to be quirky like that?".  And He told her something similar -- that is HOW I use you.  If I would of had her cell number that weekend, I would of called and said, "Miss Beth -- I took solace in your words, as so often I stop and go, WHY Lord did I say or do that?   And He gives me grace and mercy to remind me -- that my heart is indeed in the right spot and HE uses each and every word from me and action for HIS glory -- but to just continue to SEEK HIM and be His hands and feet".   

So...I maybe be transparent to more than most and intimate to more than a few....but I am trusting God always as I write and type these blogs that it is HIS fingers  typing and  His Words that I am sharing.   

I think I am a little more protective now of some of the details, as the past is truly the past, but I also know WHAT God can do through a simple blog where one just shares WHAT God did for them.

So, as I researched and gathered some information for that one who asked, I thought about WHAT my Father in heaven wanted me to share.


So, what would I say now?

  I was 38 years old when God began called me closer to him.   I loved Jesus as much as I knew how.  At 42 years of age a death happened that made me very aware of my marriage and that is was failing.  At 44 a crisis of faith happened.    And earthquake shook us.  Faith was applied with much godly counsel and prayer.  Revelations occurred where the 'pit' I was dumped into -- was NOT where I was  choosing to stay and God began to reform me and rebuild me.   In that process, forgiveness was given and trust was reestablished but God finally became LORD of it all.  But in that process, I learned that I had committed adultery - spiritual adultery against my Lord.  The past 12 years have been some of the hardest and yet MOST joyful years of my adult life.   I truly believe my husband and I got a 2nd chance.  

I believe that ONE square... was full and God gave us a NEW 'one square' that WHAT we did in this life will determine a better eternity for BOTH of us.

Yes, infidelity was something the enemy used to destroy the both of us - and yet- God won.   Idolatry and selfishness was more of the stuff that led us both into the PIT --and both of us claim responsibility.  From the outside world, it may look like only 1 person is at fault when a marriage breaks down.......but there is something that needs to be addressed.   An affair is a symptom.  Masking pain with alcohol or drugs is a symptom of something deeper.   Even the simple idea that, "I don't want to be married anymore" -- is just another way that the Father of lies -- Satan has convinced a person that God is withholding something and so therefore, I must divorce my wife or husband and begin again.   It is a symptom of something else.   A door was left open for Satan to get in, just an inch and he became the ruler!

 It is so sad, and yet -- Jesus came to set those captives free.   New life IS possible with God!

Not everyone is as OPEN with stuff as I am.  Sometimes, I feel I pour my heart out and just carry on and the one listening just smiles and I wonder...."am I making any sense?".   But God reminds me, that HE will use me to plant seeds, water seeds, and just be that initial soil rototiller!

When I got to church today, God used a sweet prayer warrior to confirm to me what I believe HE impressed upon me in the car as I went to Sunday's meeting of believers.  

Heaven is truly when I will get to see WHERE HE used me...WHERE I messed up and was too transparent but HE covered me...and HEAVEN is where I will see the 'good' that I can't see happening here on Earth right now.  So, I will continue, with all humility and grace to be authentic to all, transparent to most...and intimate with a few and pray that God gives me more GRACE to be that light to one...a wife that may think her  marriage is over --

....but I would say -- is not falling apart -- it is just now falling INTO place so God can redeem!

 Dear Lord, I have NO clue WHO this is for tonight -- other than me.  I needed to remind myself of what You spoke to me today and I needed to tell Satan to take a hike.   Please continue to use me through this blog -- help me lean on you even more...and  know Lord, that I do want to do your will - here as it is in heaven.   

- humbled,  In Jesus name, your servant -- chell

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Casting ALL cares...

 Psalm 55 has some amazing promises from God that will just remind you that HE - God... is indeed in control!   

Placing every CARE in God's hands, just like a baby sets her head down on your shoulder and you melt!! 
Verse 22 says:  

Cast your cares on the Lord
    and he will sustain you;
he will never let
    the righteous be shaken.

                     These verse certainly is one I quote often.  But recently I believe God totally gave me a visual and physically gave me a REMINDER that HE has everything under control.  

Then, as that previous verse reminds me of  my Father God who loves and protects me and HOLDS me, within the very next verse I read this:  
23 But you, God, will bring down the wicked
    into the pit of decay;
the bloodthirsty and deceitful
    will not live out half their days.

 I read that and wonder -- whoa....DO not mess with my Father God!!  

 A reminder that those out of His will...those that do not call upon HIM and those that are not obedient -- there will be consequences.   And ...death....
But as for me, I trust in you.

A few weeks ago, I had an incredible weekend with God.  The weekend ended with a Praise and Worship night at my local church in which God met me right there -- I could go into such details.   Several years ago at my God Encounter weekend -- the Lord literally put me out -- and did holy surgery.  I have blogged about it before; I was not pushed down, nor did I lay down, but God slain me in His Spirit and I was on the floor.  While I was slain, I saw the eyes of God in the form of a Lion and I had this most incredible vision/visit with Jesus.   Like I said, I have shared it before.   

Since then, I have had a few moments where I was slain during some intense prayer and God met me there too -- but nothing like that first happening back in Titusville that last day of my God Encounter weekend.  I just wanted WHATEVER God had for me.    This recent Sunday, while praising and worshiping just a few weeks ago -- something incredible happened again.   Holy Surgery. 

This may be blurry, but I have not mastered how to take a selfie with a baby yet! 
 That night, I tried to fight it.  I put my legs behind me or anchored one leg behind the other as I was not going to wobble.  That did not work.  I felt the HS so thick!   I even sat down as I did not want to fall out and I wrestled with God a bit - I literally felt a force trying to lay me down.     I finally gave in.   And I saw the most incredible vision of blue.   I have looked at some color charts but it was indeed a unique blue color with a matte finish.   Immediately I knew  I was looking at something -- maybe  a robe of some sort or maybe just pure sky.   Then I felt I was laying in a field looking up to the MOST gorgeous trees that were so tall -- taller than I have ever seen.  And then I saw those eyes again -- in the form of a lion.   SO real.   So personal.   But just as I focused on that,   all this time, I could hear the rest of the church singing and praising God but I was having this conversation with myself and God.  ( In my head.)  Then,  as I realized,  I could not move.  My arms were being held down  and  it was for HIS purpose.   I have no idea if it was 2 minutes or 5 minutes...... but it seemed like a long time.   When I finally just told God, "OK...I am not moving and what do you want me to get from this?"----I felt in my spirit that God  would clue me in.   I believe HE was saying,  "you can't do anything - your hands and arms are is ME -- all ME ...I will do it, I am in control, It is all ME!".     

After that,  my eyes opened and yet -- I still could not move my arms.  So, I just sat there, as the church continued to sing and I prayed and just allowed the recovery to happen.   It was a good minute or two before I could move them.  Again, I believe God was making a point --

To CAST all CARES on HIM.   

 The next morning, I asked God to confirm what that all meant.   And He did.  There were 3 very distinct situations that were revealed to me THAT next day ....that I COULD do nothing about -- but that HE could.   He is sovereign, He is Lord, and HE is in control!  
Today, a medical procedure transpired -- the results  have been prayed over but as one lays on an examine table and as one is in the hands of the doctor .... you can't help but be reminded -- HE is in control.   Our lives are but breath away from eternity.  

Today a family watched and waited as their son/brother got a new heart -- literally a heart transplant.  

So, as I share a prayer this eve -- perhaps you are in a situation where you are trying to control or fix something.  I would urge you to read Psalm 55 and cast all cares on God.   I would ask you to place the name of that bully or that person that is being wicked to you or your family -- place that name on a spot in your journal and let God know -- that You are leaving that person with HIM.  

If recently, you discovered some BIG secrets or hurts and you are at a point of making a BIG decision or maybe you are still in SHOCK...I would ask that you place that care at the feet of Jesus.   Allow God to make that decision or next move.  

And, if you are are very tired of the political situations within out country -- I know that going to your knees and placing that CARE at HIS feet -- will allow you to sleep better this evening.  

God is indeed about taking all of our cares.   God is indeed wanting a closer relationship with you and HE wants you to cast EVERY care on HIM.   Even if you believe it is a 'minor' one - nothing is minor to God - HE cares about each detail of you and your life.   He created you.  

I just had to add one more- thank you Jesus for this miracle! 
God gave me some MIMI time with a little girl this eve - made the pain of the procedure disappear for a good half hour!    And as she fussed a bit and then placed her head on my shoulders and let me love and hug her -- I instantly thought about how God WANTS that from me...from US.. .... To CRAWL UP into his arms and lay our heads down on HIS shoulders.      Cast all cares there and allow HIM to hold us.   

Lord, You know EXACTLY WHO is to read this and who will be ministered to by these words and by YOUR Word....may they allow YOU to hold them.  May they cast EVERY care upon you and may they feel YOU hug them in return.  Lord, you know the prayer requests deepest on my heart and in my journal.  Lord, YOU know what transpired and I am listening to YOU and indeed -- since that holy surgery, I have had MORE peace than I have ever know possible.   Lord, use me ...but empty me first of ME...continued refining....continued seeking...continued urging by YOUR Spirit.  May YOUR Kingdom come - YOUR will be done -- on Earth, as it is in heaven.  And Lord, it was NO coincidence when I asked for clarity on that day after...  thank you Lord, as I know YOU have all three situations under control.   IN Jesus's most strong and precious name - Amen! 

Friday, October 7, 2016

Please forgive me...

My sister and I  -- need more light!
This past weekend I experienced a tremendous, and life changing  meeting in St. Louis.  Not only was I with some dear friends and sisters in Christ but I was blessed to meet my own flesh and blood family there as well.   Joining others there in America's dome to praise our King - Jesus, in one accord.... I got a glimpse of heaven and its glory.  Trying to get seats in a block of seven was  difficult at times - but my sister managed to grab some good ones!

This trip was sort of a birthday get away,  planned some six-seven months ago,  it was anticipated and prayed for.  If I could of grabbed another 20 women I would of -- however, God knew exactly WHO would be there.   And God --  certainly left me -- wrecked.   Toby Mac has a song about the Holy Spirit and in the chorus it says, "I am wrecked".  I am.  I am humbled.   I knew this trip was going to be a trip that would forever change me, and yet - I had NO idea of the impact.   I want to live with that spirit or thought - that we are being changed from glory to glory! 

 God's Word says in 2 Cor 3.18:  But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.

 I went expectant -- I wanted to have a fresh word from God, I wanted to be thrilled and in awe of the worship and I certainly wanted to be entertained as well.   And...   I got some extra blessings with family, friends, and then miracles that transpired.  God is so stinking sweet.  God won!

I want to stay focused in this blog to stay on course -- as God was writing this blog a few days ago.

Please forgive me.  Will I be able to actually use words to express this?  Lord - help me. 
Will some read this and go, "she is weird"?     Lord - help me. 
Will some read this and go, "I don't get her"?  Lord - help  Holy Spirit interpret. 

Ok - let me explain.   If you have read my blog before or know me well -- I admit, I am pretty passionate.  God made me that way.    Honestly, I pray that when people see or read my stuff, they truly believe I am a Jesus freak and  that I walk the walk I talk.  And  if you have read my blogs or follow me, you have read that God has been showing me something this past summer and I even admitted that I wrestled with Him as far as doing some assignments  that He has placed in my heart.   However,  this past weekend it all came together and made sense.

More confirmation.
More blessings.
More....    God gave me more pieces of the puzzle!   I am humbled.    It made sense! 

And, I have changed.   There has been a religious righteous anger in me that had become pride.....
I use the word "had" because I see now - it was something that God was working to DEATH in me so that He could continue to grow me and use me and FILL me more with HIM! 

God is so stinking sweet that HE revealed this to me in some very personal moments but also with such mercy.   He loves me THAT much.  As, who likes discipline?   Who wants to be corrected or scolded?  But God's discipline is necessary as we grow in HIM, I am just so thankful for His mercy!

To make a long story short -- almost 2 years ago, I prayed with another sister in Christ that Beth Moore would  be.... spirit filled and receive her prayer language.   I felt it was NEEDED.   I felt it HAD to happen.   As I know what having my prayer language has meant to me -- but I did fight  against it for 30+ years.   I think sometimes we get so passionate about HOW God has moved and worked within our lives ....we just want OTHERS to have it like we do.   And we want to bypass the struggle for others but indeed God has that planned or in line for that other one as well.  It must be God and them...not God and me and them.  ( Now, did that make sense?)

  And  I want God to do it NOW....we want God to do it NOW  ....when God has the better plan and God has the timing worked out.

 In WANTING something for another so bad at times - we can manipulate stuff and grieve Holy Spirit.  I just  want spiritual freedom for all I  encounter  -- and I want them to have 'this power'.    I did feel it was needed.   I did feel it was a must. 

 Let me share this:

Many non-believers and even some believers view the Holy Spirit ( HS )  as an impersonal force or concept that represents God or his presence.  But the Bible describes the HS in personal terms, not as a mere influence or spiritual power.  HS is a divine person - fully God.  In Acts 1.4 the apostles are instructed to wait to be baptized with the Holy Spirit.

Let's get the elephant in the room exposed:   I believe there is ONE God - ONE Holy Spirit and ONE Jesus and they create the Trinity.  We are to be eternally minded and salvation is a gift, not earned as we accept Jesus into our hearts and allow Him to fill us.   Without faith it is impossible to please God , His mercy triumphs justice, and by His Grace nothing is impossible with HIM as HE works through us! 

At one point this past weekend, Joyce Meyer's held up the bible and made a simple statement, "let's just address the elephant in the room, its time we stop allowing division, we are  to be the BRIDE of Christ - there will be no divisions in heaven for the Catholics or the Baptists or the Bapticostals or whatever labels you have given yourself.   I hold fast to this Word of God and do believe in all the gifts the Lord promises us.  But I want ALL of whatever God has for me- period.  I want ALL He has for me!" 

Me and Pinocchio!
To have two of the most influential bible teachers and women  of God that have spent the past 25-35 years impacting the Kingdom of God in ONE arena..... in one place.....and to be in agreement --was indeed answer to prayer.

 It was phenomenal .

 Unbelievable .

Blessed beyond belief.

It was God ordained!

Then Christine Caine spoke -- and voiced her opinion on the baptism in the Holy Spirit.  I  was raised with the knowledge that Jesus died for my sins.   I believed and accepted that.  I did not know that I could have a personal relationship with God and Jesus until I was a teen.  I acknowledged that God was indeed God for most of my adult life -- but I know that I did not FALL in love with  God and  placed my trust in God until I was 45 ... at an Encounter with God weekend in Titusville back in 2011.

 Up until then, I do believed I loved God in the capacity to which I could.     That is a big statement -- to the capacity of which I could.   Until then I know my prayers were heard  as around the  24th year of my life I got on the roller coaster of trusting God and I would ebb and flow on and off that roller coaster of life.   I  would seek God for a season and then the world.  Then back on the coaster and ride high with Jesus and then stepped off again as my heart became more hard to a true relationship with God.   I had faith, hope, and love but I allowed idols to begin to become MORE  and more important than God's Word.  God wanted MORE of me. 

 And I was a very good actress!  How many around me are doing the same?   Are you a good actress? 

Selfie attempt when we arrived!! 

When everything fell, God picked me up and began to rebuild me.  And, in that season - having my prayer language gave me comfort and confidence that I could pray without Satan hearing me.

 God rebuilt me, but in these past months,  as I said,  I believe God has been working a death in me again,  so that HE could fill me back up with MORE grace to do His work.   At America's Dome, I felt myself stating:   "How dare I think that God could not 'work' through Beth whether she had her prayer language or not!!"    And, "why do you think that God can't do WHAT He wants?".  And as I wrested with God on this subject - God graciously showed me where I must repent so that this spiritual pride would be nipped in the bud.  Thank you God.   I repented.  And God literally did some Holy Surgery on me Sunday night -- again, that could ONLY of been God.  ( I will explain Sunday night in another blog - if you are interested! )

So, my prayer this evening is quite personal -- but I am being obedient.  As I am in the preparations right now to take a group of women to Titusville again and I want ONLY He -- God to get the glory, be the glory, and heal with His glory -- this is not about a gift that I believe is important -- it is about what GOD wants to do -- heal, restore, and redeem.   It is about God doing some holy surgery in each woman that participates.   It is about His will being done, here as it is in heaven!   And, we don't want to grieve the Holy Spirit - but have Him present and guiding us as He is the teacher and His anointing is what will make the changes in hearts.

Lord, first of all - thank you SO much for the ability to attend this conference, enjoy my Florida family, get to know Kathy, Denise, and Darlene is such a better way.   And for the Wisconsin family that joined us as well.  You totally orchestrated that and I am thankful for my sister's ( Diann's) obedience to You as she invited my mom to join she and Tiffany.  

  Lord, I sit here and just marvel at HOW you moved, HOW your orchestrated and HOW you were there right with me.   And how you were with each of them as well!!   Lord, HOW you have the ability to make me think and feel and believe that YOU orchestrated the  weekend just for me.   I don't mean to sound arrogant or prideful, but at practically every moment,  when I got out of my head and allowed YOU in there -- it felt like even though 22K women  were there to attend as well -- it seemed like the entire weekend was JUST for me.   You met me there so personally.   And yet, I know that I know you did that for the lady sitting to my left and to my right.  And you did that for each and every one there WHO wanted MORE of you!   You are indeed a sweet and good good father.   And I believe You orchestrated that weekend just for my mom as well.  Lord, the blessing of knowing she accepted You and recited the sinner's prayer was just the icing on the cake of the weekend.   Each and every detail of those four days was beyond belief and I praise You, Holy Father, as we took confidence from Your Word ..whenever two or three are gathered in Your name...Amen! 

But now Lord, as you already know my heart as I have confessed this to you already -- thank you for being so gentle and sweet with me as you placed that prideful righteous religious anger to death in me and opened up my heart for more of YOU.   Thank you for blessing me with the ability to hear from you and see you at work.  Thank you for reminding me gently that YOU indeed HAVE it.   Forgive me Lord, as I know you knew the condition and desire of my heart so my intentions were good but now I clearly see how YOU want to raise me up and call me to NEW heights...NEW assignments and NEW things.  

Lord for the past the the enemy wants to shove in my face...even when mistakes were made -- You knew the intention of my heart and YOU covered me.  I praise YOU for that.  And I don't take it lightly, but Your GRACE is sufficient and I know that with this new revelation knowledge ...indeed..YOU can do MORE through me and I will teach and share it with others, as You have given me some good assignments - but OH God... I know where my strength comes from - it comes from YOU. 

Forgive me Lord for thinking and believing that Beth "had" to have her prayer language  and if she did -- she could "THEN" do more for you -- now, as I even type this confession....I can clearly see how that was being immature in thinking.    

 Forgive me Lord, for the others I have judged that 'needed more'....Lord, cover me -- in my zeal and passion for You I pray that I won't manipulate anything when it comes to YOU Lord.    I am humbled Lord, that You wish to continue to use me for YOUR purposes.   I pray I won't fail you.  

Forgive me Lord, if I have allowed or pushed something on someone when Your timing was not right -- when I tried to manipulate.    Forgive me Lord, and continue to rebuild me.  Lord,  You are Lord -- Lord, You are sovereign and Lord -- I want ALL You have for me -- I confess my  arrogance and my anger and I give it to you.  Lord for the ones that read this - I pray that it will make sense and it will relate to them as well.  I pray they won't make the same mistakes.   I pray, as when I read anothers story or heart on how YOU are working in their lives.....I can see myself and I 'fix' it before I make the same I pray that this prayer, this confession would indeed be for another and that it would give grace to another .....and it would make sense to another and it would push her closer to YOU Lord.   

And if not -- that is OK too.   You know the fear I had in typing this blog.   You understand my need for approval and YOU know exactly WHAT comes next.    Lord, as I edit this today -- I lay here in awe of YOUR presence.  You really DID spare us yesterday ....with Matthew wobbling a bit to the east -- it saved saved our Insurance claims...  it was indeed an act of MERCY on my community and my children.   Tears overwhelm me... I don't deserve this -- and yet... YOU did this NOT only for me but for ALL your children!   

And Lord, I thank you for my sister's in Christ -- for those YOU use to sharpen me.   I ask for a blessing upon Kathy, Denise, and Darlene who love me for just being me...and I ask a blessing on my MOM, my sister and my sister in Love...who love me for just being me... and I thank you for Mary this am as she posted something on FB this am...  Matthew 10. 7 says this, " Go and announce to them that the Kingdom of Heaven is near".......  You are very near... I believe I will see you face to face soon.   I don't believe my children will have to plan my life celebration ( funeral) ....  But I also fear YOUR Bride is not quite ready...   God I pray YOU will continue to use me - for YOUR Kingdom purposes.   

May the one  WHO read this to the end... May you bless her or him as well ...and may they seek you today and ask YOU what needs to be repented of that YOU can use them as well.   IN Jesus name.  I am humbled and oh  oh   oh so  so so grateful.   

You are indeed a good good Father!  
- michelle