Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Waiting on God

Waiting on God is one of the hardest lessons or trials that a person can face.
Or maybe it is not the HARDEST but it is still hard.

Isaiah 40:31 
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.    They will soar high on wings like eagles.They will run and not grow weary.    They will walk and not faint.

Waiting  is hard.  

Waiting is NOT....Telling God to come ... this could be explained maybe by when you come to a stop sign and you are not paying attention and when it turns 'green' to go, you are still sitting in your car and the car behind you HONKS their horn... to "go".    Maybe with your friends, they are always telling you to GO forward...and that is NOT waiting.  

Waiting is NOT ...saying "I am done.".  ....this could be explained maybe by thinking of  a grandmother  making soup and as it cooks, you continually check on it to see if it is done if by each check you do - it just might be done!    Maybe with your friends, you or they are always checking on the situation and that is NOT waiting.  

Waiting is NOT .... bruised fruit...this could be explained maybe by there is a bowl of fruit on your counter and you continually check it each day to see if there is a bruise on it...or maybe a bunch of bananas and check on them each day as to when they are ready to use for banana bread!   Maybe with your friends, or another is always checking to see if something got that is NOT waiting on God.  

Waiting is NOT ... "to go with the detour"....this could be explained as if you were driving down a road and you saw the detour sign but you ignored it and take your own path.  Maybe with your friends taking a different path is NOT waiting on God.  

And finally,  Waiting is NOT the pizza burn....this could be explained as you head to the pizza joint to pick up supper and you place that delicious pizza in your passenger seat and decide to take a quick bite before it cools and you end up getting the worst burn on your tongue.  Maybe with your friends, they try and get to to act too quickly and you get burned...and THIS is NOT waiting on God.  

Waiting on God is tough.  

The thing is..I can't wait for you  -- I can wait with you.  
The thing is...if you can't really wait on God -- I bet you can't really TRUST HIM either.  
And maybe if you are trying to force or RUSH God....than maybe you believe YOU can do your life better than He.  

??  Maybe??  

14  Psalm 27.14  
Wait patiently for the Lord.
    Be brave and courageous.
    Yes, wait patiently for the Lord

The thing is..I can't wait for you  -- I can wait with you.  
The thing is...if you can't really wait on God -- I bet you can't really TRUST HIM either.  
And maybe if you are trying to force or RUSH God....than maybe you believe YOU can do your life better than He.  

God's word tells us to wait patiently.  
God's word tells me to trust HIM.  

How long can you wait on God?  
Can you be joyful as you wait?  
Can you believe that one day this wait is OVER?  

I have found that in my most HARD times, God always provided that 'flower' among the thorns...HE always seemed to manage to SHOW up JUST in the nick of time and encouraged me.  

If you are waiting on the Lord this eve...for something...

Don't give up.  

Psalm 57. 2  Says:  " I CRY out to God Most High, to God, WHO fulfills HIS purpose for Me!  " 

If we are tired of waiting...cry out to HIM.  HE will fulfill HIS purpose for YOU.  

Lord, I bet there is a mom waiting on her heart to heal from a death of some sort. 
Lord, I bet there is a great grandmother trying to sleep this eve and wait on news about the baby going under the knife in the morning. 
Lord, I bet there is a beautiful young woman that has been hurt several times by men that she just wants to give up.  
Lord, I bet there is a couple that falling apart because of love that seems lost. 
Lord, I bet there is a wife that believes she can't forgive.
Lord, I bet there is a husband that wants his marriage but she does not...

Lord, I bet there is a young child - just wanting their mom and dad to be nice...
And Lord, I bet there are many that have NO idea that maybe a part of this waiting is because YOU are drawing them in to YOU...once and for all.... maybe this is that 'last' chance....will they grab ahold of You?  

I do know this Lord... YOUR timing is perfect and I end this prayer tonight for all of those that are waiting on YOU Lord for a move or they are waiting on a loved one in sin....Lord, I know You heal and I know You restore...Meet the needs this eve but I pray that the one reading this tonight or today - the one that YOU wanted to read this....God I pray that person will SEEK YOU and do it.  

ONLY YOU and that person -- will stand face to face in heaven one day ....
it is up to THAT one to SEEK and grab ahold of YOU and wait on You.  Amen.  

Monday, June 23, 2014

2nd guessing God...

 The Passage below is from Romans - Chapter 9.  This blog today is really my husband as the inspired author ....
He awoke to day and wanted me to read with him in Romans 8 and 9 - in the MSG. Bible.  

There were several stops and starts and then prayer....but we felt this part needed to be shared. 

I caught myself second guessing God this past weekend.....  
I caught myself thinking?  ....Well, Lord...this MUST not be your will?? -- and yet I know that I know - HIS will is for families to be restored...HIS will is for the captives to be set free...and HIS will is that NOT one should perish....

Read to the very end.  Please.  

20-33 Who in the world do you think you are to second-guess God? Do you for one moment suppose any of us knows enough to call God into question? Clay doesn’t talk back to the fingers that mold it, saying, “Why did you shape me like this?” Isn’t it obvious that a potter has a perfect right to shape one lump of clay into a vase for holding flowers and another into a pot for cooking beans? If God needs one style of pottery especially designed to show his angry displeasure and another style carefully crafted to show his glorious goodness, isn’t that all right? Either or both happens to Jews, but it also happens to the other people. Hosea put it well:
I’ll call nobodies and make them somebodies;
    I’ll call the unloved and make them beloved.
In the place where they yelled out, “You’re nobody!”
    they’re calling you “God’s living children.”
Isaiah maintained this same emphasis:
If each grain of sand on the seashore were numbered
    and the sum labeled “chosen of God,”
They’d be numbers still, not names;
    salvation comes by personal selection.
God doesn’t count us; he calls us by name.
    Arithmetic is not his focus.
Isaiah had looked ahead and spoken the truth:
If our powerful God
    had not provided us a legacy of living children,
We would have ended up like ghost towns,
    like Sodom and Gomorrah.
How can we sum this up? All those people who didn’t seem interested in what God was doing actually embraced what God was doing as he straightened out their lives. And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. They were so absorbed in their “God projects” that they didn’t notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road. And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling. Isaiah (again!) gives us the metaphor for pulling this together:
Careful! I’ve put a huge stone on the road to Mount Zion,
    a stone you can’t get around.
But the stone is me! If you’re looking for me,
    you’ll find me on the way, not in the way.

I caught myself second guessing God this past weekend.....  
   LOrd, I pray for those that are maybe too consumed with their 'god projects'...and I am watchful to make sure that I AM not one of them.  
Lord, I pray that as I ask you to MOVE mountains...I will be watchful that perhaps that mountain is THERE for me to move around it......!!  
Lord, I pray that I am always trusting You -- and not seeking approval.  Lord, I do not want to miss any of YOUR movements!  I am not focused on numbers me to focus on the people....called by YOU -- Use me Lord!  I want to be a nobody -- that has become somebody -- IN YOUR YOUR affirmation and by YOUR will.  amen.  

If this piece of scripture spoke to you today - pray to God right now...and say your own prayer to HIM or repeat mine....God wants to use YOU.  God is not in the way -- HE is the way!     - Humbled....

Saturday, June 21, 2014

decisions - 101

Lots of decisions were made in this past week, and many were made for me.

My husband broke his nose,  another's ( it was an accident ) elbow sent him on a  a trip to the ER and it was  confirmed -- broken in 4 pieces/places.  The next day brought more confirmation and scheduled surgery --Thursday.  Plans got interrupted as were were to head to Louisiana with HP and watch some Regional Soccer U19 competition.

That decision was made for us!

I was 'frustrated' at God for a moment  - and when I say that --I say that so carefully, cause it was NOT God that caused the broken nose...nor was it was just life and it was an accident.  I do believe God knew it would happen and HE chose to let it happen...cause I know HE works everything for His good- our good and for HIS purposes.  So...for some reason - God wanted the two of us - alone for a week, just resting and allowing the nose to heal and me -- having the opportunity to pamper the patient.   Surgery went well and the nurses continue to wonder how he is not on major pain medication.  ( cause we PRAYED! )  Currently, my husband is ok - nose is sore, but no major pain, it is just AWKWARD with a brace on and two 6 inch  splints stuck up the  nasal cavities and sneezing makes my heart stop each time!    And the Nedi 'showers' help keep everything moist but his nose is constantly dripping.  Again, decisions - to see the 'good' in all of this!

More decisions.... the a/c broke - who do I  call?   Situations at our insurance office...prayerfully thinking ....  The women that seek me for prayer ....God ...only YOU can answer....  The women I seek for prayer -- show me quickly Lord what I need to do, help me to do what YOU ask...  And, I have this incredible God thing that is coming ...and I have some decisions to make -- I am not making them...I am prayerfully seeking God's lead!  

My calendar and the Holy Spirit reminded me of a fateful decision that was made -- exactly 3 years ago today -- June 21, 2011.....and how, in that moment -within that day - GOD was there and HE...I know HE made the decisions.

Let me give you backstory:

Often, I will get a person asking me to pray for them because  "I am so strong"...and I want to is not is GOD THAT is strong.  However, they see  something in me ....was it because they knew how my marriage was broken and in their minds it could never be fixed and now it is? it because there is something that shines out of my mouth..?  I pray to God -- it is LIGHT...HIS LIGHT...but seriously, sometimes I stop and think - it was not that hard of a decision to forgive and believe that a marriage could be saved.  Let me explain...

Joyce Meyer's poster says it all.... I was at a time and place in my life where 'doing the same thing'..was NOT working.  And I had to SEEK God...totally.  Believe me...I really did think I had it all figured out - but I had no clue.   And God had been preparing me - I had been SEEKING God because there was just stuff within my life that was not working and I was in a sad and sorry spot -- so I had begun to get counsel.  Then....  the earthquake hits.

Getting back to 3 years ago -- I knew.  I knew that when I was given some very hurtful and damaging news, I knew I was to forgive --- cause God had spoken to my heart and head prior to receiving the news ...that I 'was to show grace and mercy'...and God had given  me  this supernatural love for another human that had hurt me terribly...but -- I knew I was to hang in there.   So, what may appear to others as being 'strong' really just obedience.  I knew that I knew - I was NOT going to face Jesus one day and have Him ask me, "why didn't you do what I asked?".

Now it was not easy -- and after a good 9 months, I came to the point where I knew that I knew  that no matter what -- what the outcome of my personal crisis would be---would I  get divorced?   Would I stay in 'limbo'?  Or would this marriage be saved?----but as I said, I knew God was in control.

And I submitted to HIS authority and I was seeking and serving Him.   What did it look like?  It  looked like....going to church, being committed to a cell or small group...and it meant that I was walking as if Jesus was right next to me.  Every moment, I  would call unto Him. And sometimes those calls to Him -- were desperate fits of RAGE but then praise and honor and seeking HIS face.   And it meant MANY nights alone, with my bible on my chest - crying myself to sleep - hoping that tomorrow would be the day where God walked into our lives and just fixed it all.  And there were many just 'blah' days...where all I could do was put on praise and worship music, and pray out loud to myself and Jesus ...for a miracle.  As I did that, and as the enemy would attack....I continued to speak the words that God had promised to me...."I will heal the broken-hearted".   And finally, there were the days when I just wanted to give up and God would provide and send one of HIS angels the flesh via a phone call or text or someone would message me on Facebook and I would be in tears -- knowing that God was speaking to me directly - comforting through His people.   Then you just have to believe...and live for another 5 minutes.  Soon, 5 minutes becomes 30 and then 30 becomes an hour...and all of a sudden you have made it through the day.   Amen.

So back to that 'being strong' comment....I was only as strong as HIS Word would lift me up that day.


More backstory but you should understand the title of my blog today.....

Now I stated  3 years ago another decision was made.  3 years ago today -- my  husband had a revelation of sorts and he had to make a decision. A situation presented itself that had to be dealt with -- it was a pivotal day.  A day now, I see where all of heaven was probably in battle...there was definitely a spiritual warfare going on -- as I see now 3 years later and all the GOOD that has come from this decision -- no wonder Satan did his merry best to prevent us from healing!  ...Just saying...

Today, 3 years later, I stop and HARD it must of been for him.  I mean, he made a decision to believe that 'one day...he could  look in my eyes and know that I was God's intended for him'.   Gulp.  Even as I type that - it is hard to read.  But THAT is the reality.

A marriage that is broken - our marriage - was  suffering because of one person's actions....but what we were  dealing with was  a symptom --- there was OTHER stuff wrong somewhere ...with  BOTH partners.   Mee too.   I mean...when a person is hurting - they hurt others.  When the enemy is lying to a person and in turn that person listens and then acts upon it....the couple will suffer -- but for the couple to REFIX...there has to be a fixing on BOTH parts.   There has to be some changes on BOTH parts...and doing the same thing - just does not work.

And that is how he felt at that point...from his perspective at that moment -- nothing had changed...nothing would change...and the enemy had him believing that he never really loved me from Day#1.  So, for him to make a decision -- to actually pray and  allow godly counsel to remind him of WHAT God's word says...was really a big deal.

 And I believe -- it took more faith at THAT moment for him to believe that -- than it did for me to believe that one day -- we would be celebrating our healed marriage.  I do.  I just do.  As I saw what 'he felt' ...and I could see how 'he was thinking'...and I knew that I knew -- he did was not trusting God.  But, at that moment, that night -- he took a leap of faith and prayed one more time...and said, "God, if this is going to work - it has to be ALL YOU".

I know that THOUSANDS of heavenly angels were all around that room and whispering to him...'believe'...and I know that God's divine hand was upon that kitchen table as my husband and his godly counsel chatted...and I know that it was God that SOLD our home within 5 weeks - and we moved within the next 3 begin a new chapter in our lives.

 I know it.

 And God moved - quickly -- to show a man with little faith at that time - that HE was in control.

And I know that on that DAY -- the HOLY Spirit intervened in me as well.  As I took a phone call from a panic'd  and confused  husband  right before he went to seek godly he asked me what I was going "to do"?    And it was the Holy Spirit that spoke the next reply out of my mouth - as I had been in prayer and fasting that day -- the Holy Spirit had been preparing me  that revelation was being revealed on that day.

 So when he asked me what I was going to do? -- I know what I said  but it  was the Holy Spirit speaking through me -- as it was not rehearsed, and it the words were that  I was 'done' if he did not choose our family.   There it was said.  13 months of 'hell' had been summed up finally and I knew, as I said it was not rehearsed, but it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me with courage.... And I had such peace.  Such peace.   Did I really say that?  I remember hanging up the phone after our conversation and speaking to God, "Lord, that had to be YOU, what did I just say?  I have been thinking about so many responses Lord for MONTHS...and now, today ..this is what comes out?    So Lord,  I will trust that was YOU speaking, as I don't believe I would of had the courage to say - it is  done if he is not going to pick us - I know you will provide Lord, now I will trust YOU in this.  Amen. " And that peace....did not leave me that day, that night....that weekend.

OK - SO WHY am I sharing all of this today?

One... I love celebrating 360's...and today - my husband and I are healed...our marriage is a strong one cause we work at it and we BOTH seek God first.  There was a miracle that occurred within our hearts and our lives - we acknowledge that and we marvel at that as other couples around us struggle.   And today...3 years ago was a pivotal day -- a day where one decision changed the course of a marriage and a family.

A day where I know, I relied upon the Holy Spirit within me to TAKE over...and a day where I know that a man -- made ONE last attempt to trust God - a decision that was pivotal!

People make decisions every day -- I wonder how many decisions we make on our own -- without HIS counsel...or how many decisions we should  go back and  turn around...cause we did not SEEK God first.

I wonder how many decisions we regret...

And I believe that someone -- reading this today -- needed to hear something within my words, they needed encouragement and they also needed perspective ....

SEEK HIM...believe in HIS Word and what HE has promised...

And I believe that several marriages ...several people are making decisions based on feelings...instead of DOING something different -- and SEEKING HIM for restoration, counsel, and fixing.

And I believe that if they HIM..and take that leap of faith and TRY - just one more time...the REWARDS on THIS side...are heavenly!  And we both know - what God can do and we want others to experience WHAT God does!

Someone needs the reminder -- there is NOTHING that HE can't heal...fix...or restore...with HIS divine help and ...often professional counsel.

Both my husband and I  will say it often...I would never try to fix a cavity by going to my Pastor.  I mean, I will pray for healing...and I will seek prayer...but, many times, God does not fix the cavity we get from our own indulgence with then we must go to the dentist.  Seek some professional help.

There are consequences because of our actions - and seeking a Christian professional therapist -- is indeed  -- a good thing...and it works.  Having a 3rd party to look you both in the face -- to remind you of the definition of eye opening and freeing...and liberating.  There is no shame. Don't let the enemy convince you that nothing will change!

And I will add this in...most health plans cover 4-8 sessions with a therapist - do the work, make a phone willing to SEEK help and believe that God can do for YOU -- what HE did in our marriage and our lives.

God wins.


But when we are obedient...we WIN too!
- humbled and believing for MANY marriages that my husband and I prayed for today -- as we  rested!

Sunday, June 15, 2014

...I finally spanked her....

This is Elsa, Elsa Frozen as Eva May has named her and I have to admit - she melts your heart.  She is about 13 weeks now....but she has been "mine" since Monday and I am ready for Taylor to be home.

Over this past weekend, I have been in debate with Brendan about 'when' she should get a spanking as she is such a puppy.  But today - I did it.

I was heading out the door, off to church when she escaped and then plopped herself down on the driveway and then walked under HP's car and would not come out.  And well....when I'd walk into the house she'd come out and look at me but then when I would ask her to come in or go near her - she would go back  under the car.  "ELSA!!!"   Exactly .....can you see her little brain going, "I 'll show her..I am in control."  So, I yelled a bit, and enticed her into the house but she went back under there a 2nd time!   So, I got treats and bribed her but then SPANKED her.  Awe....yes... Awe.  I knew that I knew - she needed discipline.

As I drove to church - the illustration so fit what I wanted to blog and share about.
....of course...  God does that!

Like Elsa, we like to be 'naughty' at times...and we try our best to get away with what we can.  But if we don't have a parent spanking us...we usually have consequences of our actions...consequences of the sin we do -- and most often we have to learn the HARD way...that God's way is best.

Let me explain.

Brendan just read  a book by Chauncey Crandall IV, MD.  We met him, he is nick named the "healing doctor".  He is a heart doctor and works in Jupiter/West Palm Beach.

I want to share an excerpt from the end of the book:

Sinning Believers
Christians don't receive as much healing in their lives as they might because of sin. I'm not talking about having what some call the 'wrong kind of faith': I don't want people twisting themselves into mental contortions trying to figure out if they are believing in just the right way as a means of enduring God will act as they wish. God accepts our faith at whatever level we have it and only desired to give us more.  I have seen people with great faith -- like Chad -- whom God chooses not to heal. On the other hand, many of the healings I have witnessed have been in the lives of people who haven't quite known what to make of God's mercy. At times these people are left wondering. Why me? God's ways are far beyond our own.  

What I am talking about is serious sin that anyone with a basic knowledge of the Ten Commandments can recognize. 

 A young woman came to see me with multiple body complaints.  Headaches, aching in her joints, a balky digestive system.  No one could figure out what was wrong.  We did a mega- work up of tests and everything was normal.  With the test results in hand, I sat and talked to her. She was a believer - born again.  "I am sorry," I said, "but I have not found any thing yet. Why don't you tell me more about yourself? Perhaps if we talk for a while, I 'll figure out what I am missing." 

"Yes, actually my boyfriend and I are going on a trip."
"Where are you staying?" 
"At a hotel, nothing special but it is close to the beach." 
"You're staying at the hotel together?"
"Sure, we live together." 
"Can I tell you something? I have looked at everything, I can't find any illness that explains your symptoms. I think you are under spiritual attack, and until you get out of sin this will continue. Living with your boyfriend, having intercourse with him, that is not part of God's plan. You can't be a born-again believer and be living this way.  Christians who know God's will and deliberately sin against it are the MOST miserable people on the Earth. Far more miserable than atheists. So you need to get out of this relationship or make it a chaste one until you are married. I am sorry, but you do.". 

She went away sad because she was unwilling to change. The truth remains, that sin can create illness, psychiatric disorders, heart disease, and many other afflictions. 

 Morality is essentially God's description on the way HE intended things to work. When we neglect His "operating instructions" our physical healthy often starts to suffer.  

So --  how does this excerpt go  with Elsa being spanked?

  Elsa wanted to "sin"... not obey and I had to look after her and then discipline her.  If I would of left her there...she would of gotten hurt or run over. She  is a one sense she did not know better about going under the car, but on the other hand...she knew that by going under the car -- she could stay outside a little longer.  She disobeyed.  I spanked as I am trying to train her to listen better and be safe.

God's operating instructions are clear.  Many like to 'justify' why they can continue to live a lifestyle that is not in line with the moral code God set.... but can you see how Dr. Crandall's words make good sense?

Brendan read this book in 2 days.  He would stop, over and over and read me a portion of it.  Then today I heard him witness to another about 'knowing that when one is in SIN...and choosing to continue to hurts..physically hurt and there are consequences'....

Brendan has also said over and over...knowing what God's will is and then sinning against it -- only leads to hurt.  And now, with this book -- it certainly makes sense to also causes illness.  Illness that Christ Died for...

I have thought over and over about this all day...
There are many that continue to try and 'justify' their choices and their actions - believing that it is God's will...when it clearly is not.
There are also many believers now...that have to WALK in the consequences or the mechanics of their choices.....  Sin is forgiven...and hurts can be healed...but often the consequences of those actions are still a REAL part of relationships and life.

I think often of many mothers that have forgiven the person that 'killed' their child due to a drunk driver.  Forgiveness is a must, but they will forever live with the loss of a child.

I think of addicts...of any kind....they can overcome and have victory within their lives  and be a loving Dad or  husband...but there are still consequences and life choices that will forever be very apparent.

And this hits close to home.... I still have days when the enemy wants to torment my thoughts because of my own  sin patterns that evaded  when I was   out of relationship with God...and I have to take precautions and actions to make sure DOORS STAY closed.
  We both do.
 My husband is very real and clear about the DOORS he has to keep shut and he will share that with me so we can close them the enemy has not given up on us -- his plans are to steal, kill, and destroy all...he still really believes that he is going to win this game with God...but we have decided to FIGHT.

I think my final thought is this...If you are a born -again believer and you know ...there is known sin within your life... check HIM...make sure that doors are closed...that sin-- it can't be justified-- and make sure that you don't need that 'spanking'....

I believe that far too many 'so called born - again Christians'...will be  in hell...because they really did not think God was speaking to them when HE wrote that bible...amen.

Morality is essentially God's description on the way HE intended things to work. When we neglect His "operating instructions" our physical healthy often starts to suffer - Dr. Chauncey W. Crandall IV 

Saturday, June 14, 2014

a letter to my Dad...

Me and My Dad - September 2013
Good morning Dad --

It is June, and it is Saturday, so I bet you are on your way to a Dairy Breakfast somewhere Wisconsin.  I know you - and you will travel even an hour to Washington County or even 2 hours for the chance to look at all the farmland on your way there, supervise in your own head how that particular farmer is doing and then enjoy God's creation and notice everything.  Everything!   How do I know that -- ??  I am your daughter...your oldest, the first one....  And...even though I have spent more years now in Florida and away from you -- I spent enough Sundays riding in the car after church,  and visits home to know some of your habits of delight.

Like a few years ago, when I was in a sad and sorry spot...I got into a vehicle with you and mom and we hours north to visit a Hay Expo.  ???  Yep.   Yes -- I was not dressed as a farm girl and walking in those fields with my flip flops,  watching different implement companies display their 'best' hay making machines was sort of an oxymoron; and,   I will be honest, I could tell the difference between the different types of hay makers and rakes  and that kind of scared me.    It was sort of funny - but VERY sweet.  I so enjoyed the time spent with Uncle Tony and you and mom.  And I believe secretly you were just trying to cheer me up in the hopes that maybe an 'old boyfriend' would be there and we all could chat.  Mind you - I was flattered.  LOL

Ok -so, like I said, you are probably driving to a Dairy Breakfast where you will enjoy everyone there and make small talk with many.  It is funny, that is the quality I got from you that I like the 'least'.   I don't like being in strange places and mingling and yet -- I watched you all my younger life - you have a gift of making a person feel special.  Good thing I married a 'talker' I can stay quiet most times, but when I am by myself - I can talk and make small conversation and I know you and mom are experts at it and I thank you.   I am thankful for you both in that --

I also bet you notice exactly which farms seem to be prospering and which seem to be failing... simply because of what appears on the outside but also because you read a lot and keep up on the local news - farming news.  I know you have a PHD in growing crops and watching the condition of the dairy cows to tell exactly what the farmer is doing well and not so well.  Your gift of discernment and memory has been deposited in me memory can be a blessing and it can be a curse.  LOL  But I thank you and mom both for that --

I also can see you sitting in the farmer's shed or barn...enjoying the pancake breakfast and asking for a 3rd sausage but not too much -- as you don't like to be STUFFED and then there will be chocolate milk to drink and at least ONE ice cream cone!!  Maybe?  Maybe not?   But you see there always had to be a little SWEET at the end of the meal -- I quote you each time Brendan and I share a 'BITE' of dessert.  A meal is just not complete if the last bite is not a sweet one!  LOL

I bet you have one grandkid with you - or maybe have been known to just take off by yourself  -- I do that too.   And I bet you will walk around, think and dream of how that farmer can do it better and how you remember your own farm and such.

I also pray that you are smiling -- and enjoying the day -- the weekend. could be cutting hay  or could you still be planting some grass or hay?   And I bet if there is a local band, playing polka music you will take the time to sit around and enjoy it and think about your dad as well playing his concertina.

So, whatever you are doing....I just wish you a very sweet and Happy Father 's Day.
I love you - and I am proud to call you dad.

I pray that God pours his favor all over you - that you receive your secret most desires and that HIS love just permeates and fills your soul.   I know you love to read the Gospels and I pray that as you read in John or Luke - the story of Jesus continues to fill your heart with hope and much love as Jesus feels for you - and me. I pray that as you read and mediate on His Word, your heart will be filled and more revelation about Christ and His love for the Body of Christ  -- will spill onto your life.  ( And mom's )   And I pray that you will grow deeper in Love with that happens, you will love mom us kids more...and love yourself more YOU are indeed a man worthy to be died for - Jesus did that for each of us.  I love you Dad... Many kids have to have 'therapy' because of their childhood -- I want to publically say this  ...YOU were the BEST dad you could be...and I know  you did the BEST you could.  I have no regrets ( well...maybe some of those shouting matches could of been avoided ) .....but, as an adult now...and a parent...I can see and understand how stress can play havoc into much of our lives.  I am NOT perfect and within all the chaos there were tears and frustrations.....but there was love too.  And many excellent values were taught and demonstrated and as I continue grow older myself and get to listen to other women as part of my own ministry and just living...I know that I know ...we were well loved...protected...and cared for and God knew exactly WHAT he was doing when HE placed a fire in Your spirit for our Mom -- and I will continue to pray and believe that the two of you WILL grow OLD together....and have the peace and fulfillment that You both deserve!  

 And..BTW...I hope you know - I am very proud of you and how you have 'mellowed' out in your 'later' years...I can see that once us kids had a little more 'peace'....but I pray that each of the 9 of us..continue to show you grace, mercy, and your are our DAD.  I love you - mom too - and I look forward to when you can spend some of your winters in the, I can learn even more about you.  You once told Daryl, "that Michelle...her faith is strong"...That was the BIGGEST compliment you could of ever given is not is Christ that lives in me...and that faith...that freedom...that JOY in spite of yucky and hard what HE wants for ALL of us...including every one around me and you.  I love you Dad...God loves you more...and I love mom too -- please know - you are loved and prayed for daily.   Much love,  Michelle  and Brendan too! 

aka - pumpkin...
aka - Chelly
The 9 of us......2009.

PS....  I wrote this today - Saturday in the the time I came to POST it -- My sister and my Dad had GONE to the Dairy Breakfast with TP and well the photos add a bit.  LOL.
Too funny!  I KNEW that is where my Dad was headed today!!

MyDaughter and her Aunt (auntie Dee ) and her girls....

My Dad and Daughter #3...Diandra!  Yep they are on a bus!  Oliver is in the back...

What did I say about Chocolate milk?  

And can you tell....?  They are in a a Dairy Breakfast - if you have ever visited Wisconsin in'd understand!    It is a RIGHT of Passage..... many fond memories! 

the end... thanks for reading!

Friday, June 6, 2014

-the VALUE in a number -

I got some numbers today.

Numbers seem to measure stuff.

  • The number or measurement of 80% effaced and 8 cm dilated means a WHOLE lot to a nurse and an expectant mom.  
  • When you join Weight Watchers, you get a number that gives you a starting point and each Tuesday or whatever day you go to weigh in - you get a new number. 
  • There is a number on the scale within my bedroom.  It is  important.  Or maybe it is not that important but I make it to be.  
  • Head to a doctor's office and numbers sometimes PUT you in the hospital.  
  • As a teacher, I get test scores and numbers when I get a student - to help me evaluate what the best placement if for that child.  
  • There are numbers as we figure out our budget and when we plan a party or go out to eat. 
  • Numbers constantly remind us of appointments and a specific number can either keep the cop sitting on the side of the road or it will prompt the cop to come and follow me! 
  • As a child...I just wanted to be, I would love to repeat a few ages.  
  • And there are even numbers that we think and ponder about - like when a new woman we meet says she has been married 3x or married for 25 years.  There is a conclusion made.  Sometimes there is action taken because of those numbers.  
  • And I will be silly - since my Father-n-law was in the hospital 2 weeks ago, we have continued to tease him about his 'numbers'...the number of times he had a is needed...and when we see each other I will say, "Dad, I am at 2 today" and wait for his response - LOL. 
  •  Finally, I have sat in the 'administration' part of an office where numbers decided a person's future as an employee.  
  • Numbers -- they are needed but....

Today I got numbers.  FCAT numbers.  Praise GOD those numbers DO NOT define who I am.

Praise God I am NOT defined by a test score or a report from Tallahassee.  Now, I do admit - when those numbers are high - I smile - even though I realize that was not ALL my doing.....  If those numbers are low - I have to FORCE myself and remind myself that those numbers are just does NOT define me. And those numbers DO NOT define my students - God does.

 This year, those numbers were right on - what I expected, but still they were crunched and looked at and I still had to remind myself...THOSE numbers DO not define me...nor do they define those students that sat in my room for 180 days.....  God defines me.

This is WHO I am...

Psalm 139

For the choir director: A psalm of David.

Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me,[b] O God.
    They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
    they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
    you are still with me!
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

I am - God's...

This is HIS word.  

Romans 4.5 speaks about how people are counted as righteous, not because of their works but because of their faith -- in God who forgives sinners.  God forgives.  God heals. God restores.    There must be godly repentance first -- but the bottom line is  -- it really is between me and God.  I can watch my children and my friends and believe that they have a personal connection and relationship with Christ...and I can see fruit...I can see their actions -- but still - it is really just between them and  God.  God knows WHO I am.  I know WHO I am through God.  I know whom I need to forgive...and I know when I need to move away and start anew.  I know -- cause I am living by that I do understand HOW much God has forgiven me of.    
I am blessed, chosen, accepted, adopted, forgiven and redeemed.

I am righteous -- ONLY through Christ.  

I am the RIGHT teacher for the students HE placed into my path. 
I am fearfully and wonderfully made... and I am NOT defined by a number.  

However..God DOES know EXACTLY how many gray and blonde hairs are on this head....this head that is heading to bed.   

Thank you Lord - for many answers to questions and prayers  -- 
Thank you Lord, for reminding me -- it really is not a matter of being on 'this person's side' or 'that person's side' of a conflict or problem -- it is a matter of being on TEAM JESUS...

Thank you Lord, for the better test scores this year - as I know a few of my students did pray to you and ask for help.  

Thank you Lord, for going to that cross -- to take the sin of the world and my sin.  
Thank you Lord, for being the ONE person that will never lie to me.  
Thank you Lord, for - being the one that defines me.  

Lord, someone else needed this reminder this eve -- and Lord, someone reading this DOES NOT have that relationship with Christ - with YOU as they need ...and they know it...

God I pray that he or she will just ask YOU into their heart this moment.  
And Lord, I know that someone reading this seeking forgiveness...from you...and they have to forgive themselves as well...Lord, I pray courage over that one...may it happen right now.  I do not need confirmation or a text...I know that THIS is Your blog - a tool YOU use to reach -- God I thank you - amen.