Scenerio #6 -- it is HARD being a woman....

 Scenario #6 from the Esther Bible study: 

It is HARD being a woman who can balance passion with  patience.....

I speak.
I say what I think -- usually too quickly.
 Then, I am also 'delayed'...and can't think of the RIGHT come back or answer fast enough --

Yet ......later I can get this fabulous revelation but it is TOO late to go back and 'say it'.  

And at time, I find it very easy to speak God's word and pray His word, but sometimes I feel I am persecuted for it.    ( not like the persecuted church over seas...just my feelings get hurt ) 


In my passion -- I want GOD to win EACH and every time and I get mad at God at times...cause I want something to happen - right here and right now.    I  had to ask God to forgive me SEVERAL times in the past two weeks -- HE is showing me that in my passion...I am not being patient. 

I tell  God what to do a lot of the time.

 Yep... I mean...I mean well..."Lord, if you can do this than this will happen"....I find my prayers sounding like that when it seems pretty desperate and I am sitting with a new believer -- I WANT Jesus to come in  - take over in a supernatural way .....so BIG and BOLD that I want this new believer to be wowed....I feel an urgency -- like there is no time for ....the wait. 

When  true love is spoken, when HIS truth is revealed,   when God's word is read, scripture tells us - "it won't return void".

That gives me peace  and yet ---
 God's word or HIS truth  can land on rocky soil...the weeds can choke it out..etc. etc.

That is a reference to a parable.

I have to be careful and always remember to renew my mind -- with HIS word....HIS thoughts...

Thank goodness, it is so available to me - via phone and computer and just my plain old bible!

Proverbs 16.18 - says Pride goes before a fall.... our pride will do us in.  My pride will do me in.   God may allow one to be prideful for a season-- but it is for HIS purpose.

God's timing is always perfect.  As we walk with HIM, as we minister to,  and love the ones HE brings to us...  our passion for HIM can become overbearing....but I think it is also something that DRAWS one in.

I was drawn to those women who believed that my husband would have a turn about -- a 360.  I stayed away from the ones that spoke any doubt or spoke out what the world would 'say' was next...divorce.

I waited.  And I would love to say it was with patience -- but it was not.  It was a hard battle each night as I pleaded with God -- to END the suffering and just FIX it.  

I think of Esther, as she was told at first to wait and not share her ethnic heritage.  When it was 'time'...Mordecai reminded her --   

And then,  God had  Esther tell her King...'to wait'...just one more evening...which allowed God to awaken the King's eyes to the royal scrolls in which the news of Mordecai's heroism was told ---


And What about 'waiting on someone'.   It is SO hard waiting on another. 
Can you imagine Haman...waiting on his fate once the King had heard from Esther what was up...?

How much time passed in  between those verses in that Book?  

Remember waiting on that first baby to come....
Ever sit in a car dealership and wait and wait upon the salesperson to come back with the 'offer'?
What about waiting on a child - to come home...? 
Waiting to hear the words...."I love you".... can be some of the most painful rejection  -- to deal with.
Waiting on another is hard. 
Waiting on another to find Christ - is painful.
Waiting and watching one walk further and further away from God hurts too... 

But in the 'mean time'...it is GOD's time. 
So while we wait -- in that passion - enact the patience we were given and wait.

While it is God time...GOD is not inactive.  God is at work.  It just takes time.  HIS time.

"The Lord waits..blessed are those who wait for Him."  ESV  Isa. 30.18

Anyway,

Lord, this eve -- may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my mind...be acceptable to you -- I almost have that memorized - that is from Psalms 19. 14
Lord, as the lives I speak  into --  may those words be of YOUR voice - may they run and call You as their source of strength and power and Lord, may they understand  Your great grace and mercy.  God that they would be BOLD enough to speak of you - to worship you and to tell others of you and WAIT on YOUR in the God time.  Lord, for anyone walking with you daily that has passion and needs more patience -- bless them Lord. Speak to them and show them -- may there be no pride.  

God, I want MORE people being obedient to You and fighting for YOUR will.  It is tough being a woman - but I am certainly MOST pleased you made me exactly as I am.....Lord, use me -- amen.



PS  Did you know that there are over 5000 different manuscripts of the New Testament which all support and say the SAME stuff as the bible?   And there are over 500 witnesses at the time of Christ's death that can refute the manuscripts written in Corinthians... 500 witnesses that could dispute the fact that Christ was raised from the dead -- but they didn't. And, the more I think of it...I stand amazed.  There are only 70 copies of Iliad by Homer  -- which is taught in colleges as literature.....

So, why do people avoid reading the bible -- cause  it is truth.. and some are not ready for the truth.
Yikes.

Lord, I pray they will be ready one day - before it is too late!