Faith over Feelings #40 - Beloved

Yesterday, I blogged a LABOUR of LOVE and God had me writing because it helps me to COME out of the FUNK or depression that can weigh me down.

I figured and didn't plan on blogging again today, as my Writer's Block has been pretty consistent over the past year, however --

this morning -- early morning, about 3:14 to be exact, I was wide awake and speaking to God and praying. HE met me where I was at -- GOD did.

Much has transpired in the past month ( I think I say that on every blog.) and often I want to TRY and fix things or take away another's pain, but often as we continue to walk in faith over our fears ...it is NOT easy.

Being a Christian or Christ follower does not mean things are easy. Quite frankly, when we claim Jesus is Lord, trouble seems to follow us. So often, sometimes the most trouble comes right from our own backyard or inner circle. However, God still is faithful and always is RIGHT there giving comfort, being faithful, and providing.

So, last June, June of 2019, I began this series of FAITH over FEELINGS blogged prayers. I honestly felt it was going to be about 40 days...then about 4 months, and yet, today as I do the 40th, it has been over a year.

But, as I am obedient and faithful to the Lord, HE writes these and dictates so, whatever HE has next for me to blog about - is going to be HIS and good.

At 3:30 this am, I heard the words. WRITE. So, I am going to be a bit more faithful with my writing. And I will see where it goes.

And, yesterday was DAY 40 for a particular ministry that was started back in January of 2020. It is called "Beloved". It is a group of women that mentor others and as God showed me and confirmed how my involvement was to happen, I was faithful and obedient. Then COVID hit and well .... nothing is the same is it?

At 3:30 this am, HE reminded me to be transparent and write and share. I deal with depression and it will come and go. I am 54, and have watched many around me deal with depression. Some with medication and others without. I know what works for me to PULL myself out of that cycle and I can do that pretty quickly now -- truly GOD has been the healer in that. My husband and I have prayed that the stronghold of depression does NOT continue onto our children and their children, we believe there is victory. He, GOD, gets the glory, but HE wanted me to share and be transparent to the group of women in Beloved and then sharing it here as well.

If you are interested in mentoring or being a part of the private Facebook group that supports and helps women who love Jesus mentor - contact me. I will get you plugged into our group. We WERE to meet every 40 days...however -- we have met via Zoom, we have had some prayer sessions, but HOW this has played out is NOT what I expected, and THAT is all right too.

Our next Gathering is suppose to be October 15 -- and I will let the LORD lead and see if we gather. God is the leader of this group and I have learned much this summer but one particular thing is this:

"what I THINK stuff, or events, or happenings should LOOK like ...doesn't LOOK that like anymore and THAT is OK"

I have learned that GOD is BIG enough and HE has plenty of workers that when I fail to do something I THINK I was suppose to, I need to reflect and make sure it is what HE wants me to do --- that IF HE commissioned it - I will have the time and the power to complete it and if it was something that I pushed to do, I can drop it, as HE has it under control.

And also -- that it is OK to say, I failed and did not do that - just did not have the time. Period. And there is grace.

THAT is peace.

THAT is freedom and with that freedom comes the time to DO what HE needs me to do and now...THAT doesn't quite look like I expected. As I said, THAT is Ok!

OH I pray Holy Spirit is helping you comprehend this and it is speaking to you as well.

So with that, you are getting the copied and pasted message I sent to our Beloved group this AM. And with that -- my FAITH over my FEARS series is 'done' for now.

It took faith to admit and be transparent that I spent some time yesterday in the fetal position - read below. But, God is at work, HE created me and I know that I know, HE is pleased with me.

Lord, for the one reading - I honestly pray she is reading this or he is reading this and knows that HE too or SHE too is loved and that YOU are pleased with them.  I pray that the one reading, will hear my heart and hear you, as they spent this time reading.  I pray that they would come back and read again or even share this with another -- to remind another that THEY too are YOUR Beloved.  I pray that if one wanted to contact me and talk about depression - they would.  And I pray for the next Gathering of Beloved or its NEW members... may we all be YOUR hands and feet and remind those around us -- YOU are coming back, and we are ready.  In Jesus' Name - amen.  

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Beloved -- yesterday was our DAY #40.

I knew it a week ago.... I watched the calendar. I prayed and avoided. These past two weeks have been HARD. Professionally -- the LORD is working out much, personally -- when our children hurt we hurt. Just do. The enemy is alive and real.

BUT God.

As 'DAY 40' approached, I pleaded with God and asked WHY--

" God, why have YOU done this?"

( Why would you give me and birth an idea for a mentoring group and then seem to allow it to be different than WHAT I had expected?)

I felt God reply:

"Why did I ask you to be obedient? Why did I ask you to speak life? Why did I ask you to show grace and mercy?"

Then, instead of God being SILENT - I WAS.

I know why.

But, as I asked God about our DAY 40 Gathering and went back to my journal and my notes about "HOW" is it suppose to look like..... CRICKETS! God was Quiet.

I go back to what I have been taught by good mentors, when God is silent -- do what HE has LAST told you to do - nothing has changed.

As yesterday approached and then happened, I sought Jesus and was literally on my knees for a Fractional part of the day, in tears.... I was reminded that -

-the name of Jesus is wonderful -

-the name of Jesus heals -

the name of Jesus... at times, may be the only THING we can say or do.... and THAT was me, yesterday.

Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus

I do work through depression from time to time. Yesterday was a day where being in the fetal position felt the best.

Bible reading didn't happen too much...cause I did not WANT to read HIS Word.

I did listen though and I did praise through worship and tears and played a new album by Jeremy Camp and his wife - OVER and OVER and OVER -- and Psalm 43 keeps coming back to me over and over!

But, in this depression, I have lived long enough to know, to seek some godly counsel, prayer, and then PUT into action some faith and I did. I planned to make a house call. I sought my husband's prayers and guidance along with texting a pal for prayer and then GOT out of bed! But as the day progressed, I came back to the Gathering and the enemy wanted to remind me....

"YOU sent no invites, YOU didn't plan ahead, and YOU failed".

The Enemy is a liar and most times when I type his name in a blog or something, I won't even use a capital letter E, as I don't want to give him that "PROPER" power, but Satan and his minions are real and with that capital letter E, I am claiming that he is real but NOT a power in my life. He wants to defeat me, as much as he wants to defeat you.

In praying and speaking to God early this AM...like at 3:14 am, I asked God and we spoke about the "BELOVED" gathering and I felt peace that I am to remain faithful and provide support through this group. He also told me to WRITE.

WE will be ABLE to gather again -- in HIS timing.

That even though many do not feel comfortable speaking up or sharing, HE created me to be me. I am transparent. HE gives me the ability to communicate with my words. In have not been blogging as much on my GOD WINS site. I have been writing a series of prayers - FAITH over FEELINGS and God reminded me that TODAY was the BEST way to end the 40 blogs... with a transparent confession of what goes ON in my head ..when the enemy wants to defeat me with depression and just the 'daily life' of stuff when we are walking in THESE times that HE has placed us in.

So if we were standing right next to each other in Publix or at the Gas Station and If you asked me how I was doing???? YOU would of HEARD ALL of this yesterday. That is me. But, I also believe that in sharing my hurt and my struggles, you will see that GOD can be used in EVERYTHING.

AND if I, if we...us 'older' and wiser can be pulled down by depression and our circumstances that we just want to stay in the fetal position all day -- then goodness ....there are SO many more around us that are feeling the same way. AND, we can speak into that. And so therefore, I will blog and share and be transparent and conclude that series.

Now to me -- THAT is HOW God loves me and speaks to me and makes me feel SO loved. It is kind of like those Seinfeld shows -- if you were a fan -- remember how every little weird thing or circumstance seemed to ALL tie together at the end of the show and make you laugh? WELL, God MET me at 3:15-4:27 am and reminded me of HOW HE is at work. Amen. And I laughed... and fell back asleep - and awoke with such peace and a wanting to SHARE!

So with that -- if you knew it was the gathering cause you took my letter that first time and marked your calendar .... and you wondered, now you know. And if you totally forgot - THAT is OK too! God knew. Praise HIM!

The present HARD situation within my close circle -- well, it will be OVERCOME in HIS time. As, I made the house call, I felt peace as I released the situation AGAIN to God -- and HIS hands. Again, when our children and close family hurt, it is easy to get caught up in TRYING to fix and solve, when we do best by allowing GOD to do the fixing and the solving. Praise God when that is their desire as well. It is just HARD in the meantime.

Maybe WE will be able to gather in the next 40 days -- TIME and GOD will show us and lead. Until then, if you need to chat - I love to chat and then we will pray.

I trust this finds you good -- if not, please know - THERE is ONE who will meet you too. - So humbled and honored that you take the time to read my ramblings -- Michelle

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• Lisa Walker Bockoras

  

  Wow !!! That was so awesome  to read as I have been going through the same feelings this week!!!! Thanks for sharing it heals others & you as you share ! As you always say God Wins !!!! Love you  praying  for you & others walking through ! The Lord … 

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Faith over Feelings - Blog #39 - A Labour of Love

Her living area -         

This is a LONG post.  I pray you will read it to the end.  A dear friend's story needs to be told.                              

So this past week, there was an anniversary.  In my TIME HOP and in my Memories I posted a few memes and notes about the hurricane that was about to come towards -- my home.  Hurricane Dorian.    And its anniversary was this past week. 

Little did I know that a year ago, as I posted this MEME about praying for the Bahamas -- that I would have a sweet refugee living right next to me that is from Marsh Harbour and that when I prayed -- I was praying for my friend Sonia.   

            

Go back to Hurricane Irma of September 2017, we had just literally moved into our home #6 - our Redemption House.  The little RED farm style cottage.   I have blogged about it, prayed over it and it was a gift.  In  late September of 2017, we evacuated for Irma and praise God we were spared.  But in that week of prep and then travel -- the enemy -- consistently reminded of  my "poor" predicament. He wanted to defeat me - to pour on the guilt.  The Enemy is a liar. 

Her kitchen.... 

 

  My stay in Wisconsin was extended because of Irma and I am forever grateful -- but many lost their lives and homes in Irma and I escaped.   Guilt.  One of the Enemy's weapons.  

 2018 seemed to come and go with no major hits or fears and then Dorian of 2019.  Once again it was late August as we tried to start school and  we sat by the TV and watched every update and notice. 

Because of the FEAR that I had experienced in 2017... I was on my knees and we prayed for the Bahamas ...  and I posted that meme, but truthfully, when it hit there, and turned, so it did not hit Florida and me, I was relieved and praised God.

 I knew, we knew,  we had missed a bullet --but still, IT DID not effect me.  More Guilt.   But I prayed.  As I watched video and the  news of the people in Abaco  and Marsh Harbour....I had no idea.  I had no idea that God would introduce me to one of them. 

It is estimated over 600 undocumented people were lost in Hurricane Dorian in the Bahamas.  The record states 70 for the Abaco Islands.  18 of those 70... belong to my dear friend. When I stop and think of just losing 1-2 of my family or a few more, I can't speak and the tears do not stop.   

The mattress that God used to save them.

Sonia and "little" Taylor live next door.  They relocated here last October to Okeechobee, Florida.  In February, I got the pleasure of meeting  Sonia and her daughter because they relocated once more from across town and into our area, right next to my cottage.    Over the past year, I have now met and loved her husband Ross and their son, Landon.  We laugh now, often, as the night or weekend she moved in, she brought over some food.  It was a Bahamian meal.  "Souse Chicken".  I just thought it was soup.  It was weird.  I really had NO clue and she was just a strange woman being nice.  I say we laugh now... we do.  I called it "soup".  Hey ..it had liquid and chicken - for this midwest girl - it was Chicken Soup.  I didn't even try it that night.  Forgive me and don't judge me -- just was a bit leary of it.  So we tried it the next day -- I will now say, it is ONE of my favorite Bahamian meals.   I digressed -- back to my point -- 

God has them here -  Sonia and her daughter - next door to me  - next to us -  and I am beginning to get an awareness as to the WHY. 

 Why?  Because God loves them and me.  I needed Sonia next door.   We all need a Sonia.   I needed a reminder of what we can take for granted.    However, in the past month, I have come to realize  I have also been given a gift - a true friend that loves Jesus is always refreshing and such a good blessing, but she is also someone who gives and gives and gives.  So much was taken from her and yet, she still gives.  

Since March and the Covid shut down, instead of traveling out of town to eat - we are all staying close to home and getting to love on family and reconnect.  I have had my son home since March and what I have witnessed and seen in him -- is alone enough happiness to last a lifetime.  But, on top of that goodness, I have been blessed -- my husband and I have been blessed by this precious woman and her family.   We have been able to have some Souse Chicken and Fish Packets and we have meet Ross and Landon and God has given us a  great gift of fellowship.   

I have learned and watched a person, Sonia,  with great grief and loss ....struggle and smile. We have shared testimonies and laughs and we have cried too.    I have watched and cried as I have heard her story.  I have also gotten on my knees in shame... and reminded myself -- "GET OVER YOURSELF".   Too many of us stay rooted in our our pity and problems and many others are hurting too.  We can love on others and show grace to then, even in our own trials and pain.   This is where the Enemy wants to continue to make me feel guilt -- "God spared your house and not hers and you still call him Lord?"   YEP, I can Satan.  Sonia does too. 

Just the other day, Sonia was looking at a family album  at my home and we were speaking and I shared with her how I used to  scrapbook but I didn't  anymore for different reasons, but OH how that had dominated and brought stress, but was such a treasured memory.   We had the love of scrapbooking in common.  She shared to how she scrapbooked and had intricate scrapbooks for each of her children and her dad.  

 Then as I began to  think,  and as she spoke,   I almost told her about how  I prepped for Hurricane Francis and Jeanine back in 2004 and  I bought storage tubs and waterproofed them... but  Holy Spirit stopped me.  Praise God HE did. 

 As she continued  to speak and tell me of all the scrapbooking she had done, I  for a moment called out to Jesus in my head,  as she said, " I LOST it all- I LOST them all".   I was so thankful Holy Spirit shut my mouth.  I have not experienced the loss she has.  She lost all those scrapbooks and photographs and  then we began to speak about heaven and how we won't need those photographs and books.   

God's thoughts and HIS promptings are always LOUDER than the Enemy.  

Anyway, Sonia has been a blessing to me. 

 I want to be a blessing to her. 

I want to share her story with you. 

 I want you to pray and then GO and buy her seasoning.  You can get it at our  Pritchard's Insurance office.  And you will know, that you are helping to restore a family and their  spirit.  Little did I know that when I posted the meme, PRAY for the Bahamas -- back in September of 2019 -- that GOD would bring Sonia and her family into our lives. A real life prayer request  and answer. 

 And there are many Sonia's .... many. 

There are dear families in our community that are still suffering great losses because of a hurricane or some other crisis.  I feel so deeply that we must always tithe ( that is another story and request of God)  but we must also give. 

 Pastor Robert Morris speaks and teaches of love offerings and then 'painful' offerings.  What could we give up or not spend...to give to another??  Another friend of mine, her name is Sara, lost her home through a hurricane in the Keys.  She posted a reminder a few weeks ago, that so often, many are willing to help right away -- but then those suffering are forgotten.  We get busy and back to our own lives.  

 It is the AFTER where they need continued prayer and support.  I am asking you to pray and look and maybe God is calling you to some 'painful offerings'.  ??

 Jesus just took the loaves and fish and multiplied for the need.  All God asks of us is to pay attention and help that ONE or pray for that ONE or listen to the ONE, HE brings to us and HE will multiply it.  

Sonia has had a rough week with the anniversary of Hurricane Dorian.  Her hubby, Ross, has remained in Marsh Harbour, in a camper near their destroyed home.  In the past month, he got electricity.  Think... it has been a year!   Since the hurricane, he has been using a generator that can only be used at night, at the cost of $500 a month for the diesel.  He is working at the Boat Yard there - still in clean up as it is only now that the insurance companies can get in there and really begin to assess and give out the claims. 

 Meanwhile, he watched as their home was leveled a week or so ago  and he wants to begin again.  I give him much credit.  Sonia is praying, she'd rather just start over here and that is a real prayer request.   He loves Jesus and continues to know and believe that God will provide.  We pray for the Lord's leading. Daily. 

 Meanwhile, "little" Taylor has begun College here and Sonia wants to push through and move forward as she knows she is called by God.  God gave her a ministry.  Those details are below.  I pray you will read, share this and her story.  Maybe even contact her and let her know, you are praying for her. 

 She did catering back home.  She is an excellent cook and caregiver.  Our family wants to help the Albury family so you may see us push some 'meals' for purchasing. In this time of Covid and all, people are skeptical  of sanitation and we get that, Sonia does too - but if you want an authentic Bahamian meal or some REALLY good fish prepared and brought to your door - Private message me and you and I will chat.  I believe Sonia will bless you. 

Please read her story below, I have permission to share it.  I would ask that you share it  if the Lord leads  - and thank you for taking the time to read my Labour of Love today.    

This is Sonia's story:  

Hi, All my Labour of Lovers.

My name is Sonia b. Albury.  I am from a small town, Marsh Harbour, on the island of Abaco, in The Bahamas.  My greatest loves in life are cooking and family, and without them I would be lost. In order for you to better understand what my business labour of Love is, I feel as if you should know why these things matter to me, and where my passions sourced from. 

I lost most Mom to Leukemia on Christmas Day 1988. This loss was very hard and unexpected for my entire family and I.  My dad then became remarried to Cindy B. Albury, and soon after I became married to my husband, Ross, C. Albury in 1995.  Being from a small island, I had known Ross for a very long time, but who knew that two crazy teens would fall in love and grow a family together. We proceeded to have two kinds, Landon R. Albury, and Sharon Taylor Albury, and just recently celebrated 25 years of marriage.  These 3 people are my world. 

I graduated high school in 1994 and worked for my Dad directly after, for this was the normal for most teenagers on a small island in the Bahamas.  IN 1999, I started to work for a bookkeeper named, Julie Cates (T/S Abaco Bookkeeping Services), three days a week while beginning a family.  Julie and I became great friends and even after leaving her company in 2008, she is still someone I can call and laugh with. In 2008, I went back to work for my Dad to manage some of his properties and I came to realize this still was NOT my passion but it was my source of income, and I had to take care of my family.  I knew I had greater things to come.  My Father passed away in 2012 and I was faced again with the challenge of what next? I felt as if my world was completely flipped once more.  After some time, I was then able to put my head back in the game, and decided to go out on my own to look for work.  I pretty much worked any little job that came about no matter what it was.  My only solace was I new that it would help me to bring food to the table and that was all I desired. 

In 2016, my son Landon flew off to Tech school where he became an Aviation Mechanic and is now living in Florida working for a prestigious company. With him going off to school, I needed to bring more to the table than I had, and began to think more and more about what my passion truly was.  Well I " LOVE" to cook and be in my kitchen, that I knew. I would always cook extra so if anyone should pop by I could share.  I used to always help out at our local church with meals when we had mission teams on the island  Most of my friends would say to me, "Sonia you need to open a restaurant", and I would say, "NO way! that is way too much work."  After countless remarks about opening a restaurant, I had one friend say something that stuck, "Bahamian cooking is a labour of love".  She was right.  We in The Bahamas always pour as much love as possible into our pots filled with various local seafoods and ingredients.  

In 2017, I decided to start really dwelling on what it would be like to pursue my passions.  I tossed and turned ideas in my head for months.  I kept suppressing my dreams of cooking in my soul and I would say to myself, "you can't do that Sonia, it is not going to work!"  I believed this, until someone finally told me, "you will never know if you will fail or succeed if you do not try".  This was my final motivation. I was going to start my own catering and meal business, just like I had been dreaming about for years.  I drove to the local print shop and showed them my sketch of a logo, and she put it together a few ideas for me and we came up with the final product and logo for Labour of Love Catering. 

In 2017, I began by making my special breakfast sandwiches at 4 o'clock in the morning, which I would drop off to two local gas stations to sell at 6 am. I would always make a few extras that I called my "Love Sandwiches,' for the people I loved to enjoy. My 2018 New Year's Resolution was to always go with your gut as to what you should do, and let the Holy Spirit move you as you go.  The word spread through our small town about what I was doing, and Labour of Love started to blossom I had people calling me to cater for birthday parties, graduations parties, small weddings, family night dinners, mission teams coming into other churches as well as going to local farmers markets and selling my goods. My success made me realize, I had truly found my passion. 

 After about a year and a half of working hard and loving work, our lives were flipped completely upside down. My daughter was in her senior year of high school and my husband and I were working on the island.  We were happy and content. But God had some different plans.  These plans were out of our control. Hurricane Dorian, the strongest hurricane to land  on the Bahamans devastated our island. After enduring the first half of the storm, our house was one of the few that was still standing in the neighborhood, and everyone came into our home for shelter. The second half of the storm, was a different story. My family and 6 others took shelter in my daughter Taylor's 6x5 foot bathroom filled with water, with her mattress over our heads. The storm lasted over 24 hours and continued to dump rain on us for three days.  We were on full survival mode,  while my son in Florida had no clue whether his parents and sister were even still alive. Three days later, I was finally able to talk with him and say seven words.  "We are alive but have lost everything."

After six full days of complete panic and devastation, we were able to board a fight to Florida where our son drove down to pick us up. I cannot put into words the feeling I had when I was able to hold my son. We then went to his home for a few days and our mission at that point was to find a temporary home and a school to put our daughter Taylor in so that she could graduate. With a lot of help from friends we were able to move to Okeechobee, Florida and stay in a house so Taylor could finish school. 

In March of 2020, after I had lost all hope of my cooking dreams continuing, I decided that it was time to get back on my feet again, and see how I could bring back Labour of Love.  Taylor and I then flew back home to the Bahamas for ten days for her spring break as well as to see my husband who is still working and helping our island.  While we went back home to cope and reunite the family, COVID-19 arrived, to throw another hurdle at our lives. What was a 10 day trip, turned into a 6 week stay. 

In those six weeks, in the Bahamas, I told myself over and over I am not gonna let myself down, and not giving up again.  We were able to return to Okeechobee and I have hit the ground running.  During this pause in everyone's lives, I am getting my plan in order and to get things rolling with Labour of Love Catering.  I will be navigating many different obstacles than the ones I faced in The Bahamans, but I know that I can come out even better than before. I have also come up with a special seasoning blend that I am selling. I am going to walk out of this with strength as well as a zeal for the dreams I have been trying SO hard to accomplish. My labour with be full of passion and love, and I am so excited to share that with you. 

Stay tuned as to what will be coming up next! 

With love, 

Sonia B. Albury 

Food for Thought: "Families that eat together, stay together"

1 Corinthians 10.13

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of god.