Monday, March 5, 2012

Dear Mrs. Alone...... a tough letter to read.

Some time ago, in the middle of one of the MANY books I have read on marriage, love, hurt, God, restoration, healing...etc...  etc....  etc........I came across a book by Debi Pearl.  Actually it was a suggested read by a sister in Christ, Dede.  At the time, I was reading anything anyone cared to tell me to read - I was a looking and searching for answers and comfort.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I would not of read the  book she suggested  a year prior to that...nor would of I agreed with it.  Even reading it when I first got married, would not of been my choice as it has some HARD stuff in it. And I did not understand, Biblically, what was expected of me.    Submission.  That is the topic I am speaking about  and God's plan for 'me' the wife.  But anyway......

In the past few years, between much counsel, prayer, and more prayer, and  watching I have noticed a few things.

 THIS book is a MUST read if you want a marriage that God intended.
 THIS  book will cause you to reflect and wonder - what is my role??
 THIS  book, is something I would encourgae every  wife to read. 
THIS  book can save a marriage if both are seeking our Lord. 
THIS book should be read, but do you want to do the hard?   Do you want to be a better wife.  I have noticed that there are some who just don't want to anymore.  They are tired, and I have been there, I know your hurt and unmet expectations but only God and Jesus can heal that....this book could help sort out somethings!  
But anyway.........

 Like I was saying, I have noticed much.  My heart breaks for some.  Again today, I got wind and word of another marriage that is falling into the statistics of divorce.  I praised and thanked God that mine is not in that statistic.  I will thank God for that,  daily, as HE did a miracle in our lives, but there are some woman out there I just want to say something too...

Read the following  letter from Mrs. Alone.

   THIS was a letter that REALLY shook me up as I read this book by Debi Pearl.  It put many things into perspective.   It was a letter that brought me to my knees again and it had me seek forgiveness from my own husband.  It was a letter that I read often to remind myself -- we are just as responsible for the marriage and its problems, there is never just one person at fault. 

If there are children involved....any age....we owe them...we need to try the HARD before we give up. God can heal and restore, HIS blood is enough but I am well aware that perhaps it is just too hard or too painful.  SEEK HIM in those decisions.

But anyway.........

I see and hear many woman around me.  I hear you speak to your husbands on the phone, around your friends, and in front of your children.  It happens alot  when I am sitting at my desk at the Ins. Office and you have no idea that I can hear you.  It happens when I listen to my children speak of parents of their friends.    It happens when I overhear ladies in Publix.  It happens at the gym.  It happens amongst friends.   It happens at my work place and in the parking lot.    It happens on TV all the time.  It happens at the hairdressers and especially at the nail just happens.  I hear stuff.  And I want to say - 'do you hear yourself?'  

I know I don't know your pain, and I am so sure there are always two sides to every thing, but I just wonder how much better some of your world would be, if you read and listened to the pain in this letter. 

I posted it first on September 21, 2010.  I felt led to post it again. 

Here it is, I am praying that reading this, may change a life or a marriage or get someone thinking.  I am tired of the enemy winning.....I want more victories in HIM! 

Dear Alone,
         Thank you for your letter.  Your letter is something woman should read so  I am placing it in my book for others to read.
                           Sincerely, Debi Pearl

Here it the letter:

Dear Mrs. Pearl, I would like to tell my story . . that others may be warned .. I'm  alone but never thought I would be … I made many mistakes in my marriage but I wish someone would of pulled me aside and given me some advice. I hear many young marrieds or woman complaining…but they need to seek God’s word,  they need to be open to the truth.

The things I did or failed to do were not everyday, constantly overt, or  in the face actions. They were subtle, ebbing and flowing, but there, nonetheless.

When my husband acted selfishly at home, allowed his tempter to flare, and sometimes said curse words, and then went to church and acted spiritual, I wish I had prayed postively for him instead of withdrawing a little emotinally from him and letting my cynicism and lack of confidence in him be so manifest. I wish I had openly showed love and acceptance of him for himself, not impatiently wait until he acted right.

When my husband failed the children, failed to have devotions, failed to be spiritual, failed to lead as he should, I wish I had completely trusted God and maintained unity, honor, reverence, and submission with a glad and trusting heart. I wish I had kept the children honoring him and praying for their dad instead of allowing my martyred attitude to manifest itself so openly.

When he made a statement about someone or something, I wish I had not always put his opinion down, letting him know he was wrong again.

When he acted like a jerk, I wish I had remainded quiet and prayed for him, loved him anyway instead of letting him know what I thought about him and his actions.

When he tried to make it  up to me,  for some failure, I wish I had not been so cool, waiting for him to suffer a little more and be more intense and sincere about his apology.

When he spent money I thought we did not have, I wish I had remained quiet and trusted God. I wish I had shown continued confidence in him, regardless of his decisions.

When he wanted me to do something, and I did not want to do it, I wish I had cheerfully complied instead of making him sorry he asked. Hardheadedness is not a trait to endear any woman to a man.

When he needed a woman to believe in him, admire him, approve of him, accept him, regardless of his failures, I wish now that I had been the one to give him those things.

When I thought keeping his faults before him— just small things he did and said— and keeping myself a little standoffish in my approval of him, was the only way he would change, I wish someone would of taken me aside and told me how badly mistaken I was to think that it was my place to apply and keep the pressure on.

When he were in the company of family and friends, I wish I had not taken on a martyred air when he left to go off and do something on his own.

When he did not know how to show love, and I felt a void emtionally, I wish I had borne all things and hoped all things, and loved him unconditionally, instead of giving up inside and turning to friends and family for my emotional support and needs. I never saw the need to endear myself to him. I took for granted that he would fulfill the husband’s moral obligation to love me. I wish I had gone to “God’s Beauty School” for the whole woman.

I wish someone would of told me . .

Sincerely, Alone

Lord, I am not quite sure who will read this today.  Maybe you wanted me to post this just as a reminder to myself, if that is the case - OK!   I reread it and heard her pain.  Lord, I pray right now for the wife or one who this may be meant for, Lord, may she see YOU and follow YOUR lead in helping her marriage get back onto the right track, under YOU.  Lord,  I Love you and thank you our miracle. Amen. 


  1. Editing sorry if you read this before I had a chance to go back to it a 3rd time. I find myself typing at times and and the Holy Spirit speaks and then when I edit it and look ..all looks fine. When I return to it a day or two later, as a teacher...I go ..OH So, it is edited now, and in print form. I am going to really work on that, Holy Spirit help me to see the grammar and editing errors, I don't want the Enemy to use anything of what I do and say to cause a problem for YOUR kingdom's purpose. I also believe that I don't want to say anything...unless it is worth guide and direct. This is your voice God, I thank you for letting me share, as it is therapy to me. YOU made me a writer and I am so thankful for that gift. Amen.

  2. I have read and soooo appreciated this book, though the Lord has definitely used this in my life I am desperately in need of reminders like these. Dear God I so desire to be such a submissive, respecting, loving, forgiving,accepting praying wife for my husband. Thanks Michelle for this, you are such an inspiration, wow how your perserverance and faith is being used by God. Blessings to you and your family!

    Carolyn Marin

  3. Carolyn, thanks for the encouragement and the affirmation that you too, have loved this book. I believe it can help in the miracle process. My prayer is that women will ask me...and I can give them a copy of this book or ask them to read, but that only can happen if the Holy Spirit softens their heart and if God allows a brokenness...praise God for the women who will want to read this BEFORE trouble. God's purpose for marriage is more than just being in love....HE has so much for us, if we only would SEEK HIM. And Carolyn, I consider your marriage a miracle too, and I think of that day at Rachel's house...what a work God has done in your lives as well - Praise God. WE are rejoicing now, but just think in heaven -- can't wait some times! - michelle

  4. I need to read this book:) I need to honor the Lord with my behavior and thoughts toward my husband. Thank you for the reminder! You are an awesome lady of God, Michelle. Thank you for your encouragement and obedience in speaking what God has laid on your heart. i am praying for us ladies today that we would honor our Father in what He has called us to be as wives.
    Ashley D. :)


Please let me know how this touched you . . . thanks!