Monday, December 31, 2012

...there is so much to say....

Lord, you ended this year - I mean, it is 10 minutes before we ring in 2013.  It really is 'not' that big of a deal EACH day is important and hopefully lived for YOU....

but, I have to say this, for SO many years, many years, I sat or was SO anxious for the midnight hour to come as to 'what' would happen or where would I be......

....little did I know and realize that YOU were there all along and that YOU had to be 'it'...YOU had to be it ALL.....

Thank you for being patient with me.  I appreciate it so much and LOVE  YOU even more for waiting on me.  And Thank you for Brendan's reflection earlier..."hey, 2012 was good, it was much better than 2011 and 2010 and Chell, 2013 is going to be even BETTER..right?  ....right... I love you".

Lord, seeing something hopelessly lost and dead come back to life - is ONLY by YOUR grace and mercy.  I thank you.

Lord, as the year ends, and January is tomorrow - I really want do be in YOUR will each day, SEEK you each day, and make EACH day pleasing to YOU and the rest will fall into place....

Lord, for my husband, grow him up even more...
Lord, for my children, draw them close...
Lord, for my parents, I wish to be relentless and this will be the year of my peace of their blessed assurance...
Lord, for extended family, may they REALLY see Christ in all of us...
Lord, for the circle of influence around us - USE us...

Lord, for our church, and our pastor..and his wife...
Lord, for our leaders and employers...
Lord, for our country and its leaders...Lord, YOU are Lord, may there be NO other gods before us, before me...

Lord, that my life would be pleasing to you...

Lord, for the many around me that are still hurting, that need healing, and need your arms of comfort.  Lord for the many who don't know how to be IN TOUCH with you...
Lord, for the sick and for those lost ..Dear GOD..hell is a too real of a place to be wrong...Lord, may 2013 be YOUR year in my head and heart.

And Lord,  Ex. 14. 14 says - YOU will fight for me...YOU do, YOU did, YOU are....I need only be still...I thank you Lord.  Lord, I know that I know you WIN every time.  Use me Lord, to help another - if only one, I will be most GREAT- ful...I love you Lord, more than ever.  Amen!

PS - happy new year!  

Saturday, December 15, 2012

a thank you Christmas Tea 2012

I got the honor today to bless a few people that have been in the 'trenches' with me.  And I was doubly blessed.

A friend of mine, shared with me several months ago that God had begun to call her to be BOLD, and sharing and teaching others about HIM that.....the harvest is BIG but the workers are few.

A LOT has happened to me in the past 5-8 years, but mostly the past three years have been a 'refining'.   And I have been claiming and knowing that chapter is closed and with the ending of this year, and  the coming  of the new year.....there  will be a BRAND new start.

 The sequel.... I like that.

There is scripture that says, HE will sift us like wheat --- to see what we are made of.
 There is scripture about building a house on sand verses solid rock.
There is the scripture about being in the refiners fire.
 There are God's promises all over, reminding us of HIS great love for us and yet...many of us quietly just exist.

That same friend reminded me you just want to exist?

What is my passion?
Do I have an unquenchable need to be be fulfilled? be important?

YES I do -- and GOD put that desire there.
Will I believe - YES I do.

Will I Act in Faith - I DID.  And I will continue to do so!
Will I chose to be special, important, and fulfilled - I DO LORD!

I am a strong woman with a  SOFT heart that wants others to experience the true freedom of Christ and how HE can heal, set you FREE, and  walk with you in VICTORY.

I want others to notice me and want what HE did for me.

I want others to ask...what makes her different.  That is my life's passion.

I want to be used by HIM.

Nothing gives me more joy than to see HIS glory in another.
Nothing gives me more joy than to witness prayers answered and miracles manifest.

The photo is of a book that my very first counselor/therapist game me some 4 years ago.  She called me on Monday - the author -- yep, the author.  THAT is an entirely different blog post, but GOD was direct and HE wants more women to step it up.  HE wants more workers, this world will continue to manifest more evil.....until we Christians - believers and ones SET FREE say, enough is enough......WE are more than conquers in Christ JEsus....

Lord, thank you again for the women you have blessed me with and that I can call 'friend'.  Lord, bless them this eve and I pray they will seek YOU with everything .....Lord, I am so blessed, so honored to call you by soul mate.  Amen!

- your daughter - chell

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Merry CHRISTmas from the Pritchards

Merry Christmas! 

For so many years the 'writing' of the Christmas Newsletter was a highlight.  I can prayerfully, humbly, and gratefully is a highlight of this holiday there is MUCH to share. 

Our lives are full, very busy, but this family is smiling - each face and we know and thank our Lord. 

The photo was taken at Thanksgiving.  I have to BEG Taylor to get me a copy of it so I can put it in a frame, otherwise it may disappear into the big information data byte in the sky. 

Trying  to get 4 people to smile all at the same time and to make sure the hair is just right was as hard  as when the kids were babies and I just wanted them BOTH looking forward!  Taylor posted this photo on Facebook so I know it meets her approval.  For so many years she will tell you that she HATED our Christmas photo as there was something wrong with it.  She was not smiling or looked like  a boy or whatever.  So...I guess it is a sign of my maturity when I posted this and would of rather found one where my hair could of looked just a little bit better...anyway!     LOL 

Taylor has one more year of college.  She did her one day a week teaching practice in 5th grade at the local middle school where she attended and LOVED it.  How sweet our Lord is, she taught 5th graders and I am teaching 5th grade.  To sit with my first born and help her with lesson planning was a stressful but glorious task.  Mothers LOVE being needed especially by 21 year old adults!  She  has one semester left of practice and Student TEaching will be around the corner with a walk down the graduating asile in December of 2013 if all goes well.  God is good.  She sees the light at the end of the tunnel. In  her spare time she dotes on a little girl named Eva, babysits, and coaches a travel/club volleyball team and LOVES that as well.  Her sweet spirit still grabs the attention of many and she has great friends! 

Hunter is our Senior and has verbally committed to be a FIGHTING OWL and play at Florida Atlantic University come August of 2013.  His many years  and  Brendan's faithfulness of DRIVING to practice have paid off.  He gets frequent emails from Coach Kos and has already made an official visit and we hope to watch him 'sign' come February. He is getting some academic and sports scholarships and we are very proud.  After many years of soccer, both Brendan and I comment and talk about the 'withdrawl we will have but have already begun to SAVE for some flying trips to watch him play out of state.  The BEST thing about FAU is that it is only 1.45 hours south of Okeechobee; which is,  far enough way to feel like he is at college, but close enough that we can still attend some soccer games!   In his spare time, he does his homework, he will graduate with almost 30 college credits like TP did and ping pong has become the new family passion.  Currently HP is doing most of the winning between he and Bren but Brendan practices and I KNOW he will overcome!   Hunter has a great set of friends as well, and many of them adorn our family room frequently to watch the HEAT play - Hunter is a fan! 

Brendan and I are well.  We enjoyed a trip to Wisconsin this summer and rented a Harley for 3 days and put on over 700 miles!  That is our plan again..just not sure 'when'.  We have had the bike for a year now and have well over 6000+ miles on it - so, YES, we do enjoy the entire BIKE scene.  Our kids may just see us on a major trip to Sturgis or the Mountains...LOL.

 Weekend trips on the Harley, watching soccer games, traveling to soccer games, and enjoying Duck Dynasty our our usual routines.  Both of us are just enjoying our family before it will change again with HP leaving next summer.  We are both still teaching - our 25th year!!!  Brendan is at the High School and I am at the Indian Reservation teaching 5th grade this year and am really enjoying my 2nd year there!  My students are priceless and it is a JOY to ENJOY being at school again for so many reasons! 

This letter has to end, but the start was Merry Christmas....Merry CHRISTmas.
Both Brendan and I would tell you - HE is the reason for the season, the reason why I looked forward to writing this, the reason why there are smiles on our faces...and HE wins.

God is tremendous, both of us have fallen in love with HIM in a new way, wishing and praying the many people around us would allow that to happen in their lives as well.  Our past put us here,  but that was our destiny and  God has brought such beauty out of the ashes.  HE wins. 

As I close this letter, I pray that YOU too would call on Jesus and allow His saving grace to empower you and then heal.  It is hard being the 'grown up'...but the rewards are tremendous - heaven...eternal life.  Jesus is the reason for the season.  Faith is believing in something that is unseen - and HIS timing is perfect.  TRUST HIM.  I promise, HE will NEVER let you down! 

In HIm,


Sunday, December 2, 2012

is there real free will?

Ezekiel 18:1-4
The Message (MSG)
Judged According to the Way You Live18 1-2 God’s Message to me: “What do you people mean by going around the country repeating the saying,The parents ate green apples,The children got the stomachache?3-4 “As sure as I’m the living God, you’re not going to repeat this saying in Israel any longer. Every soul—man, woman, child—belongs to me, parent and child alike. You die for your own sin, not another’s.

How does the sovereignty of God really work? 
Is there real free will? 
Do we get to drive?  
His hand is 'on' the wheel, I get to drive but HE is there.  

In Ezekiel, God allowed Israel to drive on their own and drive away.  And then they HIT a tree....Babylon and got STUCK! ....what the fathers did....we are now STUCK!    God says, "NO".  That is NOT true, you are responsible for your own sin. 
The Israelites stayed in Babylon cause of their OWN sins, not their fathers.  

God does not punish me for my father's sins.  
God does not punish us for Adam's sin.  
God says 'no' you don't have to stay there.......You can move out of Babylon! 
My choices are based on what God allowed.   75% of my decisions are based on my DNA....but GREATER is he then is in me that he who is in the world.....
There is a Polard Study that says 85% of the Cherokee nation are alcoholics but 15% chose NOT to be... There is a Polard Study about homosexuality as well, that again shows... scientifically it appears that our sexual orientation is a choice.  

The supernatural beats the natural every time.  
You are most free when walking in HIS will and in HIS created natural environment.  
We were born to be dependent upon HIM, we function better in HIM and when we rebel, we want to DRIVE  without HIS hand on the wheel.  

So go ahead,   drive....but you will get STUCK - Amen!  

We were created to have relationships and we are most free when we live in HIS will...we do not have to stay in Babylon. 

It is my choice.  
It is my the degree that GOD grants it..I don't have total choice to do what I want, ..I have total choice to do what God allows.......Oh MY! 
My choice can't negate or nullify God's choice for me!  
Psalm 135:5
English Standard Version (ESV)For I know that the Lord is great,    and that our Lord is above all gods.
What would of happened if Josef would of said, "no I won't marry Mary!".

God has EVERYTHING in order and thought of....thought out and factored in...GOD has it.  

Everyday is a GIFT from God.  
You and I make over 1000 choices and decisions a day....what determines those?  

Remember, the Enemy gets us to believe we won't have any power or the ability to make choices - 

I choose Jesus.  

I found this notes from Dr. Joe Davis, from August, 2011.  God's word is timely and someone besides me needed to read this as well.  I hope it answered your questions....

Thank you Lord, michelle 

Monday, November 26, 2012

the picture of forgiveness is beautiful......

The photo is not of me nor anyone in particular, I just tried to find an 80's shot.  Sad to say I did have some HIGH hair and used the Paul Mitchell spray each day to get those wings off the sides by my ears....and I was/am blonde...and I had the, it could of been me....anyway....

It is time for me to share something again.  God continues to do a work in my life each day, and HE continues to teach me many things for which I am MOST grateful and this is one of those revelations.

Brendan, Hunter, and I went to North Carolina a few  weekends ago  for a soccer showcase.  It was a weekend of redemption.  Two years ago when we went, our lives were very different.  Even last year when we went there were new circumstances and the pressure of HP being noticed by College Scouts lingered over our heads.

 This year - peace.
 Praise God.

 HP has a college scholarship offer, and our lives are very full and blessed.  So this trip was just a blessed GOOD GOD memory as HE healed a few  loose ends.  In the process, I had the opportunity to have dinner with an old friend and her mother.  A friend that shared a bit of our lives back in the 80's.   This friend and her beautiful family joined Brendan and I and his cousin for dinner at the Mellow Mushroom and we had a wonderful evening of reminiscing.   Anyway, conversation continued and she blessed me with something she noticed.  "the picture of forgiveness is beautiful".    That phrase and her wisdom proved to be God's timing just the other day again when the enemy wanted to stir things up, and I had to remember the past is the past.  Her words, that photo of words, the picture of forgiveness is beautiful.  God used her in a mighty way.  Mighty.  

I continue to marvel on WHOM HE brings into our lives and uses, HE is constantly teaching us, continually showing us new concepts of HIS love, and sustaining us. And with that, the ENEMY certainly loves to weasel his way into the mix.  Funny how one door is closed, and yet, the enemy did not get the memo and so therefore we are in a constant state of being armed against the enemy and his fierily darts!

God gave me the scripture -- which I am IN SEARCH of finding the address about when Jesus say, 'blessed are those who believe and have not seen'....I could see God/Jesus and in reality it was the Holy Spirit speaking, but He was reminding me that "blessed are you Chelly..that you believed in something that was not held onto God's promise and now you are seeing the fruit of it..slowly and I am so proud of you! "   It was a moment on the cycle with God and trusting Brendan as we rode home from Palm City and breakfast last week.  And God used that sister in Christ that day too, to remind me how our past is our past and to let it stay there.

God bless Dottie, my old but new friend for being wise to YOUR ways.  God bless our trips for breakfast and just fun trips on the bike as we both find and enjoy the quiet time we get with you individually on that Harley and then together!  God bless others that read this..may they hear from YOU in a personal way that reminds them that YOU win and that YOU esteem them.  God bless the picture of is beautiful.  Lord, may more really experience that!  Amen.  

PS God, I am going to find that scripture is taking me a bit to find it- but I will find it.
To be continued.....

Sunday, November 11, 2012

.....a door is closed - for GOOD!

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins".  1 Peter 4.8

This was the very first verse that came to be or was shown to me by Our Lord when a certain earthquake hit me.

It is a verse that is big and bold on the first page of my bible.  It is a verse I paraphrase often - love covers a multitude of sins.

Multitude is a good word.  Multitude means LOTS.....and I must say here, multitude covers me as well.

I shared a few posts ago that another big healing had occurred and a door was closed.  I have been formulating this blog post in my brain now for a good few days.   Yesterday as Brendan and I were on the Harley and riding, I wrote it and rewrote it in my head about 4x.  It is personal, but as I share I trust that the loved ones who read it care about me and care enough to hold it.  I mean, I want to be used by God in every and all situations HE places me in, but I don't wish to be a tabloid or an excuse for gossip.

But as I said, a door has closed.  How do I know?  I read a few older blogs   that I wrote back in June and July of this year.  Wow - yep, the door is closed.    I recently pulled out all of my journals from the past 2 1/2 years and read, cried, praised God, and read some more -- Wow, YEP the door has closed.

And I found this quote from Beth Moore, "who I am and what I struggle with are not the same thing!"...Wow and WOW again.  THAT quote is truth to me now.  And God reminded me that what I struggle with ...are new things...not 'that' thing.

I am going to be very personal here now.  My husband and I were married for 20 years and I thought ALL was very well.  However within that year, I would begin to notice things.  By the next year I was in counsel and my nephew had gone to be with Jesus.   I  still had no idea to which the extent was, I knew he ( my husband )  was no longer in love with me but I figured and could see  he no longer loved the Lord so THAT was the problem.  I never knew,  how far back the Enemy had snuck in, but it was revealed in HIS timing over 2 1/2  years ago.   I have posted about this before, 'the phone call', but God had been preparing me.  I had no idea.   In hindsight, several have asked me, 'you really did not know?'.  And I didn't, we both were deceived.  A deceiver or liar gets really good at the lies and a person watching can get really good at just believing - 'this too shall pass'.  And everytime I tried to address the situation, something would give me hope. A door closed or the liar that was whispering in my husband's ears was in control.  A deceiver is deceived.  So, no.... I did not know but I knew in my spirit we were heading for a big fall.   And all the 'tell tale signs' that many will tell you are warning signs, I choose to keep to myself and ignore them.  That is how I survived.

 The sin was very public- it seemed everyone knew.  But only  God really knew of my own sin and my affair as well -- with idolatry and pride.  My husband's choices brought forth an earthquake of knowledge, questions,  pain, hurt,  therapy, and more hurt but also of rediscovery, faith, and hope  and I can say this - it brought me to my knees in a way in which HAD to be done.  Enough said.  But you see that door is closed.  I can talk and even laugh about it now as it is in our past.

  God showed me clearly on November 1st that I was NOT to bring it up, use it as a teaching point, or even dwell on it.  And God had done the work that was an easy task.  Now, the triggers will still come, and consequences of sin just don't disappear, but THEY have NO hold on me.  NONE. And when the Enemy tries to sneak in a low blow, praise God I have a husband now that will pray for me and we can talk about it.

  I know that if God brings someone to me to minister to, as she is a wife who thinks her husband is having an affair, or if she has  known revelation to the fact - HE will use me and that is ok minister, but it no longer needs to be the filter to which I run everything through.  Does that make sense?  It makes sense to me now.

In fact, God has used Brendan more in situations than I  and that is so of God - HE does not follow the same pattern, HE is creative and new every time and HE is not contained in a box!   And God is such a sweet God, ever so caring, ever so aware of my secret prayers and secret hurts that want some 'restitution'.  And, HE has taken away some of those WANTS I be shown to me and HE has shown me that HE has this.  And now, I don't have to know the 'why'......I don't have to have it make sense....I don't have to have the details  ( as God has revealed what I needed to know and that was all)  and I don't catch myself thinking, 'well, Lord when I get to see you - YOU are going to explain WHY it had to be THIS way'....cause I trust HIM and it is over.  The door is closed.

It was sort of a supernatural way...the way it happened on November 1st.  I was speaking with some new friends and the exact details of the situation are not that important and maybe too personal, but I know that I know - GOD gently disciplines me, and shows me when I have misspoken or when I have shared something that NO longer needs to be mentioned.  I know that I know - I would rather have God discipline me that the 'humans' around me.  HE is kinder and I believe I take it better!

And I am sharing,  cause now that I have put it in print, and shared my heart - I believe IT CAN help another.  I believe in marriage.  I believed that I loved a man that did a bad thing.  And God placed a love in me that I could not deny.  God used godly men and woman all around me to pray with me, for me, and encourage me.  God showed me in HIS word what I needed to do, and when I did not want to do that anymore, HE placed the right people in front of me to encourage me.

  God said 'stop' and the sin was revealed in HIS time and then the HARD part began, but I have witnessed a miracle - something that was totally dead be brought back to life. That was a love for HIM.  I saw a man who the Enemy had a hold of and who believed the enemy's lies....and I watched how slowly...and perfectly....HE  (God) changed him.  And in turn, I learned TONS.  REceived MANY gifts and learned what it truly meant to love the Lord,  what it meant to ALLOW God to meet all of my needs,  and in the process I learned  how to be a helpmeet for my husband.   I really learned that WHO I was in Christ and what we were struggling with -- were NOT the same thing.  No matter what, I was deeply loved.  Blessed, forgiven, accepted, adopted, and redeemed.  Amen.

I am going to come back to this post in a few weeks, months, and in a year when I am faced with a new struggle and be reminded of WHAT GOD does...and know that I know, HE gave me the verse, Love covers a multitude of sins...because that was me -too.  HE covered it all.  For me. For my husband.  For our marriage.  For our kids.  Even you --

I also know that when facing a trial, not  everyone has the strength to continue and move forward and therefore, I won't judge another.  God knows.  And when a woman wants to quit or they don't have the strength to move forward and allow God to do a miraculous healing - that is OK too!  But, I am called and we are called to be a support and to pray for others and be Jesus to others.  I believed I heard God tell me to show Brendan HIS grace and mercy and that is what I tried to do.  That is what I still try to do for anyone that comes across my path.

If you are reading this and in a frustrating marriage, or a loveless marriage,  or even in just a season of doubt, HE can bring life to the death.  Be strong, have faith, don't give up.  Love covers a multitude of sins.  1 Peter 4.8

HE can also work after the divorce or after the separation.  HE can work AFTER the affair - as HE restores.  We just need to give HIM the time to DO HIS work.

First make sure YOU are right with the Lord.  Look inside yourself and seek HIM.  Then slowly take the necessary steps to change  your circumstances, seek HIS word and HIS godly counsel.  Seek professional counsel, both Brendan and I suggest that OFTEN.  Find a Christian Therapist!  Find one that believes in marriage, find one that will speak truth - it is NOT easy, but it is WORTH it! Fast and pray and when it gets harder - FAST more and PRAY more, don't give up if you want HIS perfect will.....HIS will is NOT a penalty.  HE wins.  ...which means, we win...

Please don't be afraid.  You were meant to live with freedom and in joy as you walk with HIM.  We were created for so much more.  There is such liberty in HIS grace and mercy.

Thank you Lord for closing this door.  When we sold the house and moved to the first rental, my prayer was one of a scared woman - I had no idea of what was coming. But I knew YOU were in control - who else could of sold our home in 5 weeks and provided for a new spot to rebuild.    Lord, the harder part was the restoration.  Lord, just a year ago, I was 'scared' about taking a photo of us, 'scared' about talking about the triggers that were constant.  I was 'scared' about being myself.  Lord, I was taking one step at a time, and reminding myself that I could maybe trust him.   And well, Brendan too, I could see that he had been so deceived and that he still was not grabbing his bible for the answers...but there was so much more.  Then in a leap of faith, and a real physical leap of faith - getting on the back of a Harley with a man who had never rode a bike before...that took faith and time.  Little by little mended.  Then came the days of travel, and new experiences.  And Lord, you provided another new spot - the VERY spot, the ONLY house I wanted to live in...exactly one year after he had moved out for the '2nd' time....YOU timing - amazing.   Then came the first signed 'i love you'...then the words...then the responses....little by little, YOU guided and in hindsight I can now see some of the 'why'.  Lord, YOU continue to amaze me.   Lord, then the hunger for your word....slowly but it was there!  Lord you continue to heal and build trust and Lord, YOU have shut this door.  I promise not to open my mouth and share about the personal stuff unless YOU tell me too but thank you for this outlet of therapy, of being able to write about it.  It has been a tool you used.  Lord, if  You should bring anyone else to Brendan or me, may we be discerning enough to LET you lead and to know what to pray and say.  Lord, YOU are my dear  friend, my comfort and my source of strength.  Lord, we have walked through a valley....facts say it has been almost 9 years now...only YOU know exactly when we both walked away from YOU.  Only YOU saw the beginning and the end.  Why you  heal some instantly and others in time, why You have given us a 2nd chance, means that YOU have much more for us to share and do for YOUR kingdom.  Lord, I love you, more than my husband.  Thank you for forgiving me  and my affair with the world.  I am humbly honored that YOU thought that highly of me and my man.  Lord, as my life verse says - I wish to me YOUR light - may they see YOU in me.  May they see YOUR grace and mercy in me!


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

well of course...there is a post....I ELECT....

Wow, another Election and CNN just projected the winner and I won't even type the name here cause it is not whom I voted for - but, I have complete faith and trust in God.  ( 11:31pm )

A friend posted something earlier today and I reposted it 2x.  It went something like this:

 After all is said and done, Jesus is still Lord.  God is still on the throne, etc. etc.  There were a few other points but I won't list them here.

Basically, God is who HE said HE  is.  We are whom God said we are...God will do what HE said HE was going to do,  I can do all things through HIM and HIS word is alive and active in me and I am believing GOD.  That is the faith pledge that Beth Moore has you memorize at the beginning of her Believing God Bible study.  I still find myself seeking comfort in that as I recite the pledge.

I know today we voted for a new President and I will honor and respect him as the leader of our nation but I am really disappointed in the ones who told me..."I don't vote"...."my vote just cancels out my husband's"..."and they are both liars anyway".....disappointed.  However, I serve a God and love a Lord that does not disappoint.

Today a dear friend of mine had to make some VERY tough choices as her husband is in critical condition at a hospital.
Today a sweet pal's daughter celebrated a birthday.
Today another miracle woman had OT and PT.
Today a boy got snipped at because I was frustrated with the 'new' computers that I wanted to TOSS.
Today a friend learned that her home had 'only' an inch of water in it rather than 2 feet up in Tuckerton, New JErsey.
Today another pal endured a procedure that will hopefully fix a 'heart' problem.
Today another friend prayed  and prayed so that she could just cope.
Today a sweet one got to hear her baby's heartbeat for the first time.
Today a coach got a phone call of a victory.
Today....I am sure that somewhere a mother or father  is in tears as they  lost her son and did not have the blessed assurance of his salvation.
Today, I am sure that someone went to bed hungry.
Today I am sure that a father or a mother cried out, Lord I need a miracle.
Today I am sure that someone got a diagnosis that was unfavorable.
Today I am sure God answered prayer.

Today Lord, forgive is all relative. Lord, I pray that we would  really look at the verse that says,

IF MY PEOPLE will humbly pray and SEEK my face and call upon me and then I will answer them..then I will heal their land....Lord, we need a healing.  Lord, we need it big.

Lord, I believe that with this re-election of Mr. Obama, we are just getting a little bit closer to YOU coming back.  But if not Lord -- we will tarry on and believe YOU are Lord and KING.

Lord, I thank you for today, for the blessing of the gift you gave me through a new friend.  Lord, I thank you for answered prayer in believing the heart will mend, and for the one who is working hard at her OT and PT.  Lord, I thank you for the heartbeat and for the strength you are giving the one who is making TOUGH decisions and grieving as well.  Lord for it all.

Lord,  I last blogged or posted back on the 18th of October.  It has been about 2 weeks.  You know I only want to type and blog if it is something worth saying....something that will help another seek you or get encouragement.  But it also serves as therapy for me.  To come back here later and read of all that you have done and all the blessings so I must add this -- Lord, you closed a major door in the past few weeks with me.  I am not ready to  blog about it as I am still formulating the words, but I just have to say this Lord - thank you.  As I read over journals of the past two years...I sat amazed of ALL that you have accomplished in YOUR timing.   You are an amazing Lord.  You are an amazing Daddy and friend and You are the comforter this eve for many who are scared that Obama will usher in more troubles.  We place our trust in YOU - for you never fail us.  I elect YOU Lord.  You win.


Thursday, October 18, 2012 is not NORMAL anymore.....

it has been almost a month since I have blogged and shared.  Wow.  I have been asking God over and over, getting the itch to write but HE has not had me at the keyboard in a bit.

I just stopped and reread my Anniversary post and then the Encounter post and reflected on the past two months that have passed us by so fast, that I was not even aware it had been THAT long since I had blogged.

So many things.  So many thoughts.  So many prayers.

As I stated, God has not penned a blog in a bit for me to write.  I really try and follow what Beth Moore says, 'if you are going to write something - make it worth the time to read it'....then again she also says,   "I am blonder than I pay to be".  I never really understood that until these past few years.   I have found myself, 'blonder' than I pay to be.....just yesterday,  Taylor was reading me an article and I did not know what this one word meant - humbling when she realized I did not know what it meant.  Oh well.

Anyway,  as I said is not normal.

My title was picked to get your attention.  I have been doing a LOT of reflecting - a LOT.  I am just saying - A LOT!   There is a sister of a dear friend that suffered two massive strokes back on the 4th of September and I have been on the computer, reading and praying and following her progress and reading the blog of her husband as he beems God's love and miracles all over the place.  I am just saying, GOD still does miraculous healings. Period.  She  walked stairs today with out much assistance. If you are a Facebook person, you can look her story up and read and be blessed and encouraged.  Her name is Nan Huggins  ( Gary) Mack.  But anyway, that has been a part of my thinking and reflecting.  As her husband poured out and confessed the love he has for God and his soul mate - it just makes you think.

Ok, back to is NOT normal.  As I said, I have been reflecting.  In August we DID celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary and that was a miracle after the past few years we have had.  The Enemy did try to steal, kill,  and destroy our marriage, but praise God, HE wins.  Although, the event and the time of year, just really made me think and reflect about a year ago, two years ago and even three years ago.  Then September rolled around and it was the 'one year' anniversary of us selling our home - which brought back more memories and more reflection.  Then October rolled in.  Last October was the first month we lived in our rented home.  It was the 'first' time we ever had trick or treaters.  It was the first time we were actually sitting as a family around the dinner table in a LONG time.  It was the first time we could begin to breathe and really THINK about our relationship and starting over.  And, I was getting used to a new job and location!  

This year, this October,  is not normal.  I don't want to go back to our 'normal'.  Our normal before was bitterness and hurts because of a BIG lack of communication and because  the enemy was a part of our lives.  Our normal was just existing.  Our normal was a smile and a good show.  Our normal was avoiding eye contact, real conversation, and other people.   Our normal did not include our Heavenly Father, nor any others who expressed concern.  And our normal....well, we really did not have a clue about what the other person really cared about, nor what they needed -- I was speaking about my man and I. And then our kids......they had their own issues and like I said, I have been reflecting and praising God.

God can make a way when there seems like no other way.  God can bring beauty from the ashes.  God can restore.  God does miracles.  Seeing something that was so hopelessly dead come back to life - is a high like no other.  Seeing a person fall back in love with Jesus and begin to trust Him again, is a high like no other, a joy to watch and be a witness too.  Knowing a God that heals, restores, and cares, and holds you no matter what the circumstance is something that I NEVER wish to go without.

Yes, we are not 'normal' here anymore.  Our lives are very different.  There is communication.  There is peace.  There is fun.  There is laughing.  There are phone calls.  There are endless conversations and needs being met.  There is study.  There is planning.  There is respect and honor and thankfulness.  There is repentance.  There is restoration.   There is love being reborn and shared, and cared for.  God does give us the desires of our heart.

I got to thinking about that verse, my one desire as a kid was to grow up, get married to my prince and enjoy my happy life.  Little did I know what I would have to overcome.  Now mind you, everything is relative.  I realized that my 'suffering'  is relative, there are people that are facing the loss of their homes, family with illness, and people with major difficulty so I am no POllyanna and I realize how blessed I am, but I also know that no matter what your circumstance is, you can be over it or under it and I don't plan on being under anything again.  God is victorious.   And God did grant me the desire of my heart, I wanted a relationship restored, I wanted children to love and respect their dad, and I wanted to be loved because of who I was not what I did or looked like, or didn't look like.  I wanted a best friend and help meet - I wanted the man back that I believed he was so many years ago!  And, in the process, God did a work on me.  I was no Princess - not at all, people just did not 'see' my sin.  So there it is.

I guess that was not an earth shattering revelation but it was therapy to me to reflect these  past two  months  and just praise God for what HE has done.  And in this time, even more healing, yes, even more healing happened.

I believe forgiveness is a state of mind and it is two fold.  The act of forgiving is what God calls us to do but then living in that forgiveness  and making  the reconciliation a priority is the HARDER part.  That part does not have us in Limbo, but it has us a work in progress.  I know and realize that more healing had occurred today as I was thinking after I saw this one person, and she inquired about me and my man.  In the past, I would update her and beg for more prayer.  In fact, I asked for prayer from many and I know MANY did pray.  However, the 'need' to seek prayer out was NOT there.  Oh my.

Could this be, I am trusting?  I am feeling secure?  ....Finally...after years?  If it is - I am liking it.  In fact I told her,  when you think of us - pray, but I would rather have you hold up NAN in prayer each time you called on God instead of me.  And if God called her to pray for me or us, then PRAY and PRAY earnestly, but otherwise just say a praise and be reminded that God does RESTORE and HE wins.

Enough said -

Friday, September 21, 2012

there is going to be an Encounter....

This week has been a blur, today Brendan said the week had  gone by so slow; however,  for me - it has been a array of emotions and experiences and blessings and GOD speaks to me again but it was a FAST week!

This Monday there was a personal situation that floored me- took me back, or really set me back.  It has to do with my profession, but it made me stop, rethink, relook, and self-question EVERYTHING about myself and what I do and  how I do it.  Funny how one person's words and opinions can totally stop you and make you rethink.  And, in the middle of it and in the aftermath of it, as I took it personally, I relied on HIS word for comfort and strength, but still those fleshly words shouldn't have made THAT much of a difference - and yet it did.

I am human.

Then Tuesday, I got the privledge to listen to Gov. Mike Huckabee at the Okeechobee Pregnancy Center Gala.  What a beautiful evening, beautiful setting, sitting  with beautiful friends, and yet even then, there  was an element of awkwardness that had to be realized and dealt with - another personal matter.  Within the first 30 minutes of sitting there, I felt like saying, 'really God'...'when it rains, it pours?'........

I am human.

Then Wednesday began.  I had a task at hand.  There are a group of woman, as I type,  in Titusville at an Encounter Weekend.  They traveled the trip, prepared their hearts to take a weekend and seek some one on one time with God and one of them is my girl, my first born.  I have prayed and planned, that I would be a prayer warrior.  Not only for her but for the other women going.  So, I fasted and prayed and asked God to speak.

I am human...but by Wednesday, I was feeling SO much better.  Physically God was healing my head cold.  In my classroom,  a few positive encounters with parents proved to my fleshy heart and head that I am 'not so bad', and in the area of other stuff....God spoke!    The past few days have been such a blur cause they passed by so fast.

When we dwell on the yuck...time goes so slow, when we really seek HIM...time flies.
........... Simple lesson that I continually have to learn and relearn!

God spoke to me directly on Tuesday night.  HE sort of put me in MY PLACE....humbled me a bit, no,  a lot and reminded me HOW BIG HE really is.  I will confess.  On Tuesday, I did not  come face to face with the one I blamed for the heartache in my marriage, but that person was there, I saw her and God spoke.  Now I am being very honest here, and trusting that if you are reading this, you love me and will hold my confidence - but seeing her was very hard.  Just hard.  Hard.  Awkward.  Did she know I was there?   How real  is God?  HOW much does HE prepare us for what we will encounter?   For the past month, I had been dealing with some feelings and thoughts and guess what?  I had written her a card.  I had prayed and talked to God and felt that a card was the answer.  I did -- I had thought that.   I did. I had picked it out - it was the perfect card.  It was a card that was my favorite  to receive and it just simply stated that God loved her.  And I wrote: you are forgiven.  That is the truth.  She is.   Very simple, no need for other words. And I prayed and prayed about how to get it to her, and with God's direction, it was in my purse for when HE orchestrated a meeting and I felt peace.  Funny.....God knew, HE so knew.

But my head had some other 'rational' feeling that she needed to read that card...that she needed to know that so that she could be healed and move on.  .......Yep, that was my thinking.  Funny.  I realize I have not blogged in a bit, maybe being too personal right this moment and maybe sharing too much, emotions and thoughts have been ALL over the place and many times in the past 2 1/2 years since the sin was revealed, I have written stuff in private but it was not for anyone else to read,  but anyway,  through much counsel and study, I believe I have always acted and behaved in the best way, showing kindness, forgiveness and mercy.  But like I said, I had this card in my purse and I was sincere.  However, God,  gently,  but MOST  perfectly reminded me, "am I not God?  ....Can I not see to it that my children have what is needed?  Can I not provide for her what is needed in her healing?.....Do you really think it is up to you- michelle?"

HE reminded me of a word HE gave me months ago - the pain won't kill you.

Now, mind you, it was not an audible voice, but it was so real and I knew that I knew that  I knew, and then I laughed.  "you are God...I am so sorry.  To think that it was 'up' to me, forgive me Lord!"  Instantly, my stomach ache disappeared.  I suddenly listened and enjoyed the speaker  instead of allowing my flesh to take over my thoughts and I laughed to myself and at myself with God.  I have been 'hit' or scolded often in my life....I can handle the way God does it so much better, than maybe when a parent, friend, or boss does it.  But anyway.....I pulled out that card, ripped it in half and well, it is over.  And I believe even MORE healing occurred.  HEALING is  a process....I love how it comes in stages and steps as HE continually shows me how loved I am.

I am sure that in this small town, there may be another event or something where our paths will cross and HE will have that all handled as well!  However, now I can see how HE closed a door.

And in that, on Wednesday, God reminded me of this:  I am loved.  When I say, "I love you Lord".....I started to say "I love you too" response.  Like I could hear God say that, "I love you too!".   As I heard Beth Moore speak about this...God put that thought and feeling of love into my heart first...HE loved me first, that is why I can LOVE for Wednesday and the rest of the week, every time I said or thought, "I love you Lord"....I immediately repeated to myself, "I love you too"....and it has helped in the healing and believing department.    Until this area is completely healed...I believe God was saying, "let me remind you often - I LOVE you too!"......Then I asked God, "ok, what is something I need to share with the ladies at the Encounter if they ask?"  And HE reminded me.....the healing will be complete....hold on....believe......God's faithfulness is like human faithfulness - only PERFECT.  HIS love is absolute and HIS promises are irrevocable.

So therefore, I have no reason to have a stomach ache...this life is temporal - the pain won't kill me....

And another thing.....Pride....we must watch out for our pride.  We must surrender our Flesh to the Holy Spirit and be willing ....

I believe this is for the ladies or a few of the ladies at the Encounter -

1Peter 3: 8-9 The message:
Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, and be humble.  That goes for ALL of you, no exceptions. No retaliation.  No sharp tongued sarcasm.  Instead, bless -- that is your job, to bless. you'll be a blessing and also get a blessing.

I believed I was being loving with that card...I believe I was trying to bless...but I believe God knew, no, HE knew my motive.  I don't think I wanted to acknowledge my heart's true motive.  I really believed I knew what to do.  My heart's motive was really one of spiritual 'arrogance'....I was 'better' than her...and I needed to help her heal....THAT is SO not the case.

Even as I write and edit this post and rethink.....I am floored that I DID not see that until God revealed it to me.

I realize that I may 'deal' with this thorn in my side for the rest of my life -- and that is OK, it keeps me RIGHT close to Jesus and holding firm....and I am reminded of:

Romans 8:18...What we suffer now, is nothing compared to the glory HE will reveal to us later!  Amen.

And finally,  this goes with the other 'two' words I got from HIM this week -- which were for ME as much as maybe it is for the some of the ladies at the encounter....

Deut  33: 26-27
"There is no one like God of Israel, He rides across the heavens to help you, across the skies in majestic splendor.  the eternal God is your refuge, and HIS everlasting arms are under you, He drives out the enemy before you and cries out DESTROY them!"

I know that each and every lady at that Encounter this weekend will hear directly from God and HE will provide EXACTLY what is needed within their lives...whether I pray or not, HE is able.  However, with my prayers and my diligence.....I am also blessed as our prayers  MOVE God....we Bless HIM with our praises and our worship.  I LOVE being a friend of HIS...and I love that HE has my first born - in every which way!

Lord, thank you for the revelations YOU gave me this week.  Again, I know - YOU do this often, I am just not as in tune, forgive me Lord.  No, I believe you do this constantly and each moment, but I am just not listening.

Lord thanks for the love...I love you too....continue YOUR healing of my heart, my head, and our lives....thank you.  Thank you for winning!


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Happy Anniversary!

August 15, 1987
25 years ago, on August 15th, (in the morning)  I quickly drove home to pick up Trevor and Nathan as they were the little ring bears and they had to get their tux's. I did not stick around long to do much of anything else, the barn doors were open, and I could hear my dad milking in the barn.  Very distinct sound!    And the day began.  25 years ago it was a VERY hot Wisconsin day.  Getting ALL 8 of my siblings there and my parents was a feat, as they each had a part in the wedding party!   25 years ago, I am sure I called home more than once  to make sure everyone was 'ok' and on their way to the church - I had planned the wedding to be AFTER the cows had to be milked but way before the evening chores!  25 years years ago, with family and friends we said some vows. 

Now, I don't think I married my best friend 25 years ago - I don't think I knew how to be a real friend.  In grade school I would have one best friend or two best friends, like Wendy and Rene, but if I missed school the next day, when I returned-- Leah and Wendy were best pals, Rene was now friends with Maggie and I got 'stuck' with Jennifer.  Oh - how cruel this sounds.  So....25 years ago, I married a  good looking friend.   Whom now, I can becoming MY BEST friend

He was the most handsome guy I knew.
 I know I had BIG dreams for our lives together - such expectations.
I knew I loved him dearly -  dearly .
And I was so excited to begin this NEW life together. 

I had NO idea of how young we really were. 
WE had NO money.
I had NO idea of how to communicate or even be 'married' other than what I saw on TV and what I witnessed around me.  However, I had GOOD teachers.

Our lives began.

25 years is a LONG time, but yet  when I was looking for some photos ( other than seeing how YOUNG we look) it seems like it has been about  -- maybe 10-15 years....

There was college, student teaching, moving to Florida, apartment life, the arrival of Taylor, building a house, and then Hunter...and so on and so on. 
Family trips, Christmas Trees, and every August another anniversary would roll around in the middle of us both trying to set up a classroom for school to begin. 

And there were other weddings..... This photo was at year Trevor and Marcie's wedding.  Happy Years! 

Oh my, this was in 1997, at prom....Happy 10th Anniversary!    Happy Years!  We look like babies!

Here is 24.5 years....last December - new bike, new hobbie, new memories! 
Tomorrow is no different, as I 'blog' this on the eve of....tomorrow is our 25th wedding anniversary.  It is a milestone in the world -- a QUARTER of a really is just another day. 

A day I am very thankful for.

Psm. 27.14 says: Rely on the Lord!  Be strong and confident!  Rely on the Lord! 

25 years later, I think I know what it means now to be married and how HARD it really is, whether you celebrate year #2, 5, 7, 13 or even 18!!   My parents celebrated year #46 this year.  Brendan's folks celebrated year God's Grace. 

I pray we live long enough to see our children celebrate their 25th...If the Lord tarries. 

I am very thankful for the past 25 years - ALL of them, even the harder ones.  Life is not easy, praise God for Jeremiah 29.11....for I know the plans I have for you, "to prosper you and not to harm you - to give you hope and a future".....

25 years later, he is STILL the most handsome guy I know.
I still have BIG dreams for us.
I know I love him dearly, but there is ONE big difference now, I love God more.  (BP is sort of 2nd)
I am more excited about the next 25 years...seriously! 

Now I realize HOW young we really were, and we both try and remember that!
WE still have no money...ha ha.
And I think finally after some time, we are finally figuring out how to really communicate! 

Happy Anniversary Brendan, I am VERY proud of you.

Matthew 6.14

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

when God confirms something 3x....

Praise God, in my bible study the other day, Beth Moore asked a question, "when is the last time you just fell onto your knees and was in complete AWE of HIM?"...

Last night would be one of those times.  My house was full of ladies fellowshipping and I was beaming ear to ear.

Last night when my man returned home and asked me to come and 'listen' to him.
Two weekends ago when I sat on my porch and just watched praise and worship music by myself.

This morning, my girl was bathing the little one of a dear family  - they entrusted their 3 year old to my girl, giving her full responsibility to care of her.  My girl was being Mom #2 to her. 

So Beth, it happens, often, but I just needed your reminder earlier this week.  That is one of the ways HE speaks to us - through you and others. 

And it happened just now, if I could, I would bow down right here in this spot, instead my eyes will fill with tears and I know that I know, HE is saying...I GOT this! 

Today, how Glorious ...Lord, you gave me this scripture again via different people and messages and I must share it: 

Isaiah 41.13
  For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear; I will help you.". 

Isaiah 41:10 
So do not fear, for I am with you do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

And Isaiah 49:16
" I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands!" 

Oh God.....3x today......THAT is YOUR word. 

GOD is our right hand......he is RIGHT.....thank you Lord, thank you for providing your Word that is a direct link to you.  I thank you, as you know, your scripture in Isaiah 49.16 held me together so often, just a few short years ago.  I literally had to visuaize you holding it up and picking me up.  And YOU did.  YOU do.  You  are!   And then the extra blessing of reading what Pam Tebow wrote on my card, from Psm. 16.8..."I will be your right hand" that is 4x. 

Someone needed this today - I did.  I believe BP I posted.  That someone needs to know, HE has this, hang in there!   Humbled. 
Love you much Lord,

Saturday, August 4, 2012

manna = whatchamacallit

Oh, Lord, my fingers may not be able to type as fast as you are speaking to me now.
First off, I am sooooooooooooo sorry and humbled that you show me GREAT mercy and love.  Period.

Lord, I know I am to show that to others, and quite frankly it is EASY to do that when I am such a sinner and backslider myself....I am humbled. I see my imperfections and I am tired of trying to hide them.

Lord, I am confessing to You,  and writing to You today, but You already know my head and my heart;  but in my own frailty, it feels better to speak to You rather than the others I really need to confess too.

Who would I confess to? The people who think I am some sort of perfect person, which I am not.  I am really just tying my best to be real and live in a fallen world but focus on HIM instead of the world around me.  However, I fall short .....every day.   Everyday.

Lord, when Uou allowed  my ears to hear the 'sin' and my eyes were opened to my own sin, I grabbed a hold of you so fast and never let go.   THAT need, that HUNGER came in an instant.

 The past  2+ years have been the most hard, hurtful, and yet BEST years of my life.  I have needed you so much.

When I think of what had to happen so that I would finally WANT YOU Lord, again, I am humbled.

 I  longed to see your face, hear your voice and just be held by you.  And Lord, YOU did.  YOU showed up.  You allowed me to see Your face in others, in Your word, and  that time at my Encounter too, I still believe I got to see the glow of your Presence.

 Lord, I have heard You too, through others, through situations, and through Your Holy Bible.  Lord, I have been held too, by others and their hugs, by Your Word, and by You through my husband.  You remind me Lord, every time I wake up now- he is there, and he pulls me close into him and I know that is YOUR way of reminding me, YOU are Lord.

But Lord, forgive me.  This summer I have had lots of time to do stuff, but mostly I have kept busy doing stuff that I believe was  for your kingdom.  And, I thought that was good.   I mean, I had to work, family stuff, and so forth, but my one on one  time with you had gotten put on the shelf.  My prayer time was still there, my praise and worship was still there, and there was bible study....but not God and Michelle time.   I knew it.  And I believe the Enemy knew it too.

 I mean, that quiet quiet time when I tell others, I need to be with God and alone.  When I actually say, 'no' I have to get something done instead of saying 'yes'.   Or, I get on Facebook or emails, or even my time when I send cards and write to people -- all good things, but it has crowded out my One on One time with YOU.

 That time when I just read your word to read your word.    (And You know who you used to speak that direct word to me - my Pastor - did he know he was speaking for You to me that day?)

That time was taken up by other stuff, and as I reflect as the summer is coming to a close - it has been one of the BEST summers in a long time.  So, I will not dwell and allow the Enemy to beat me up over what I did not realize - it was not intentional.    However, the Enemy has been able to get  me on   that roller coaster that we GOT off of... it sort of came back... within my head.  If that makes sense - well, it makes sense to YOU Lord.  It was not the BIG roller coaster - just a small one, like the "Whizzer" at Great America.  ...One that still goes up and down, but does not go upside down.  Ha ha.  Lord, thank you YOU knew, what was going to transpire and what would make me go up and what would pull me back down and yet, through it all -- you have had another right there, showing me each and every day now, what was missing.

Your daily bread.

Yep--- Thank you for the Scripture in Exodus 16 and Numbers 11....again, some 2000+ years later, YOUR word is alive and active, and clearly showed me, convicted me, and blessed me of what needed to change.  It is me.

Lord, the Israelites would of starved if  You had not provided the manna.  I love how You use words.  Manna in Hebrew is translated whatness....Beth Moore says..whatchamacallit.  I  LOVE that.  We used that word over and over as a kid.  It was my Grandma's favorite word.  Every time I speak it, I think of her.  Lord, today, through Your word you taught me again, That YOU use the ordinary.  That YOU are pure and want a pure heart.  That YOU provide for today, no need to worry about tomorrow.

  ( This you know Lord, really hit me.  As I ponder and worry about our upcoming anniversary and want to 'celebrate' it in a worldly way -- but THAT is not what you asked of us.....  Just the fact it is our anniversary is CELEBRATION enough!  Enough.  To see a love see a relationship rebuilt and restored is present enough. To see a lost one turn around.   I am so sorry, I wanted my cake and wanted to eat it too.  Oh Lord, I am humbled.)

  Your word also taught me today that I do not need to know about tomorrow - YOU win.  Fourth, that You give according to the NEED.  And You illustrated that to me so perfectly. And, finally five,  You provide Great MERCY.  The Israelites wanted to go back to Egypt, they wanted to go back because they were not getting the 'blessings' they expected.  Oh Lord, forgive me.

And, it is all because I was not seeking you in just that SPECIAL quiet time.  YOU Lord, had been reminding me, often, all summer.  I guess, now when it CLEARLY hits me, and I confess -- Lord, keep me accountable.  But You knew that too.  How much mercy you show me.  I am so humbled.   I believe writing this out - keeps me accountable.  I want to be real before everyone and I believe many of us moms and wives get so battered down because we don't feel we 'measure' up to others -- I know I don't.  BUT your great mercy and grace....covers me. It covers ALL who SEEK HIM.

Lord, my time with you today will not be forgotten.  I will seek YOU out, ME and YOU time, and it won't be for naught!

I love you Lord, I thank you for great mercy and kindness....

Your grace is always sufficient and YOUR arms are always open to give it but will my arms be open to receive what YOU so graciously offer?  YES.  YES....YES.............

Lord, the world offers plenty of 'quail' to satisfy our hunger, but if we stuff ourselves without satisfaction...what good is it?  Only YOU can and YOUR provision can satisfy a starving soul.  I wish I could claim I thought of that -- that was Beth as You know...

I am the one that has to gather, for me...for me first and then I can be a whole person filled with Your grace and mercy and it will ..spill onto others.

 Lord, as you know, I want my light to shine so that others will know it is YOU --it has to be YOU.

Thank you Lord, for direct and special ME and YOU time today. I thank you for Brendan, Dave and the others who have ministered to me this summer and have brought me to this revelation.  And thank you for Beth Moore as she shared  an answer You gave her that directly answered my question.  May I always be one that SEEKS and gathers,  may I WANT that.  And Lord for the others around me, may they WANT it too.  As You will provide the manna.

Thank you for the whatchamacallit illustration.

I love you Lord. I love you with all of my heart.  I know that it is a pure love.  I know it is not just cause you have 'healed' me or 'restored' is cause YOU died for me, and all the extra stuff You bless me and us with the the what brings me just peace and JOY.

Beth Moore speaks how people would tell her, 'you will loose the zeal' and she replied, "NO LORD, may I never lose this".  

LORD...may I NEVER LOSE this....thinking of You and what you have done for me, still can bring tears to my eyes.  Beth Asked:  When was the last time you got on your knees in HIS presence and thanked HIM for what HE has done - Oh LORD, I did it today.

You are my BEST pal and confident.
I love You Lord.

- your beautiful daughter - Michelle

Thursday, August 2, 2012

..only be careful.. reflections before I start year #25!

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live.  Teach them to your children and to their children after then. - Deuteronomy 4.9

I teach.
I am getting ready to begin year # 25.  That is almost some  500  lives I have been able to touch. 
I had the dream last week of waking up naked and hiding behind my bookshelves as the kids roll in for day number one.  That is the USUSAL dream I have every August.  It was followed this week with the dream that I am standing in my room, at home, with bins and bins and bins of clothes but nothing to put on as I can see the bus pulling up to my driveway to pick me up.  That same dream, each year it is a bit different.  I am getting ready. 
I see them  (my students) more during a 180 day period then some of their parents do.

Am I doing enough? 

I read a collection of a few papers today, some older dates, and noticed the arrest articles and a few other things.  I noticed a former student in the paper.  Arrested. I thought back to her elementary years and what  her gift was in my classroom and it humbled me. 

Did I do enough? 

I mean, I hope and pray always for my students.  I pray that I don't lose my temper, that I will show great patience.  I pray that I can find the right way to help them learn the task of multiplication or divison.  I pray for guidance when their hormones kick in and the girls get catty.  I pray for the one who has 'taken' another's toy and that it will show up. I pray over them when they take a test.  Sometimes I pray that I won't loose my job cause I preached a little too much that day. 

 I pray for them when they come to me and ask me to pray and I teach in a public school.  Like I said, sometimes I pray that I won't get into trouble for speaking my heart.  However, God has used that mission field and I am blessed beyond to be a part of it.  Okeechobee is a wonderful wonderful wonderful school district to work in.  I was blessed to work 23 of my 24 years there.   I was blessed to move to another district and again, I am blessed.   24 years under my belt.  24 years of experience and yet, each August, I begin again and feel like a student teacher.  And, I get those dreams of being naked which any phychologist will tell you it is about being nervous and anxious. 

 But have I done enough? 

Did the kids see in me that love for others?  That love for others?  That love for others? 
Did the kids know that I  love and serve a God that can redeem them?  ...A God that loves them so? 

I think I did.  I tired.  I won't allow the Enemy to tell me I failed. 
I was reminded yesterday by a sweet, former parent, that I do touch lives.  I know I do.  Kids come to me often after they leave my room and give me those hugs and smile and their parents remind me of the fun they had. 

But this one that I read about today - why her?  What happened that she was caught in that circumstance and consequently was arrested.  I have had other students before in this same situation.  I am ashamed to say that sometimes I just shrugged it off as, "their parents..."

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live......

Lord, may I be careful.  Lord, may I not forget. 

Teach them to your children and to their children after them.  Lord, may my life be like a love song to you  -- may the students I encounter this year, this fall, and from this point on, see a teacher who serves and shows your love, unconditionally.  Unconditionally. 

Lord, I teach older kids now.  Lord, our world is becoming 'ready' for your coming.  If people deny it, they are not in their word or watching what is going on.  I want to be steadfast.  I don't want to change with the ebb and flow of  trends or the world, I wish to remain solid in you.  Learning more of how YOU want me to be and Lord, I hope and pray that the students I encounter from this point on, see that I do love, unconditionally  - even on the days where it does not seem to be working. 

Lord, I will be careful.  I thank you for your continued provision and I thank you for your continued blessings.  Lord, for that 'little' one in jail, Lord, bring beauty out of those ashes and may she have a true encounter with you, and become that little one again, with a smile as big as the sun and may she turn her life around.  Lord, I pray...

bless this new crop of students coming in, I want a great harvest...


Tuesday, July 31, 2012

bitterness....only HE can heal

 In working on a bible study this eve, I came across something that Beth Moore writes and so I just had to copy, cut and paste - 

She writes: Bitterness is spiritual cancer, a rapidly-growing malignancy that can consume your life. After it consumes the soul, it begins to eat away at the body. It is so contagious that we can pass it to our children, who are often oblivious to the source of their bitterness. No amount of distractions or busywork--not even church work -- can treat this spiritual disease. Countless Christians mask their pain with unceasing activity. bitterness cannot be ignored but must be healed at the very core, and only Christ can heal bitterness. No one can do it for you, and no one can tell you exactly what is required for your healing. Others can direct you to Jesus, but you must show up for your appointments. His ultimate goal is not simply for you to be healed but for you to meet the Healer. -- wow - hugh? Wow!

Praise God that bitterness had not STRUCK me, it could of, I have wrestled with it but today, I was thinking of another and this really spoke to me.  However, she has been directed to Jesus and so, the Lord who put the stars in the heaven, is BIG enough but I wanted to post this for my sake as well.......

For whenever, if this bitterness wants to come back for a stay  - I will have the reminder of some real truth.  

God brought the people out of Egypt and lead them through the Red Sea and still ..they were was still not good enough.  

Lord, may I never be that way, YOUR will is NOT a penalty.  

God wins.  The people complained to Moses and he prayed and added a piece of wood to the water at Marah and then they could drink it.  After a 'piece of the cross'...a piece of a tree soaked up the bitterness and the sweet water was left.  Jesus, thank you for taking it to the cross and taking our bitterness, and leaving us sweet....

- thank you Lord, amen.  

Wednesday, July 25, 2012 was just your period....

Ok,  this may not be a really big GOD moment, but I believe it is.  For me. 

Yesterday was just a day.  I mean, I felt so totally overwhelmed as I have been working at the insurance office and yesterday was only  Day #2 of my 'week' filling in for our personal lines manager but I was bombarded.  1.  Cause I know much but not THAT much.  2.  People are just messy, I mean, I felt like I was fixing fires all day and never had the chance to just do my work that needed  to be done.  And 3.  it is summer and it was a yucky rainy day and I wanted to be outside!  Or at least at the movies. Instead I was at the office.   And,  4. I was feeling sort of unloved.  Sort of.  I don't like being the 'manager'.

But....that was really a good thing, I mean working at the insurance office.  I am so glad I have been able to help and be a part of the agency this summer, but it put me into a ...I WANT school mode.  I mean, I went to college to be a teacher, not a manager or a person that deals with the public.  However, that is where God has me this summer.  I have been there ( at the office )  every summer, but my role has always been sort of in the back, never really in the fore-front and we are doing some new things at the agency and both Brendan and I are really trying our best to be there, all the time,  and really help out.  On one hand it has been really great, cause we both feel like it is 20+ years ago when we started and we were needed.  But on the other hand, with more responsibility comes more stress.  Praise God I do get to go to school come August and I won't have to deal with this on a daily basis, but I guess I just was overwhelmed. 

I don't think I spoke to  my children but for 5 min.  I ate lunch by myself, HP and BP had doctor's appointments.  I don't think I even spoke to Brendan about stuff other than stuff for the ins. office.  There wasn't any 'couple' time  ...there wasn't any ..'pool' time...and there was no time for me to stop and memorize my scripture challenge. Therefore, the Enemy, of course, sets in and begins to bug me. 

 Michelle, You are  neglecting your memorization....
He is too busy for you again.....
You are on this path again where you both work so hard and you go your separate ways...
You really are not a licensed agent and should not be making that decision...
You are not going to be able to keep this up come school time....
You have not sent out the invites you should of on Monday for your Blessings party...
You have not dusted in a week...
You shrunk your brand new NIKE shirt and not you won't be able to wear it...
Your pants are way too tight, you must of gained weight again...but you are eating nothing...
You are not involved in a cell group yet....
You are behind in your bible study...
What happened to that Kelly Mintor one...

Can you hear it?  At lunch, I slept - depressed.
In the afternoon, I got so busy I did not have time to seek HIM, but I did pray. Then all of a sudden it was 5:30...5:45....6:45 and I was the ONLY one at the office. 

BP and HP were going to soccer, so they grabbed McDonald's and fed me.  They called, they were so sweet,  they told me to step outside the office at 6:30 and they literally drove by and gave me supper and remembered my favorites.  Brendan remembered my favorites.  Fries, hamburger with extra pickels and then  1/3 left of a rolo McFlurry. ....sweet.    That was a good thing.

They got home after me.  I got home around 8:45.  I called Linda.  I asked  for prayer.  I put my Beth Moore DVD on and HE spoke.

I continually am reminded that when we SEEK HIM, HE is there.  However, how comforting it is to know that when we are still so busy and allow our thoughts to wander...HE is still RIGHT there. 

I knew I was being bombarded.  I knew it was the Enemy making me feel defeated.  I knew that.  So, I battled and fought back.  My flesh just wanted a pity party, but I KNOW better now! 

Today, this verse jumped: 

To the roots of the mountains I sand down; the earth beneath barred me in forever.  But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD My God.  Jonah 2.6

Yesterday the world seemed to swallow me up. 
Today....HE awoke me this am, at 5 - refreshed and ready to go. I prayed.
Today...HE awoke me, happy and knowing I am highly esteemed and loved and HE is so proud of me. 
Today is a new day.

Today....hey,, I have already worked on some memorization.
Hey Satan,  today I know he did not forget me, he was not too busy, he remembered McDonalds
Hey Satan, we are on the same path, going in the same direction
Hey Satan, I am very smart.
Hey Satan, you are right, I can't do things, but HE can.
Hey Satan, the invites are done.
Hey Satan, the dust will always be there.
Hey Satan,  the Nike shirt actually wasn't shrunk, somehow the dryer shut off and all the clothes were still damp when I got home.
Hey  Satan, the pants were too tight, but I know why now
Hey Satan, I am in a cell group, Linda is my pastor ( via cell phone and text messages
Hey Satan, I did my bible study and God knew I needed to watch the DVD that day - HIS timing is perfect.
Hey Satan, the Kelly Minter one will come next, it is not going anywhere. 

Hey Satan.....I am not going to grumble at the obstacles that overwhelmed me yesterday, today is a new day.  I listened to my husband say last night,  " I am trusting God, HE is going to move this mountain or move us"...Hey Satan, you are defeated and you are a liar. 

Our lives are a daily struggle cause people are messy, this world is messy.  If we had it perfect - we would be in heaven.  This is what makes life interesting.  Today is a new day, praise God. 

And you know wha?   When I got out of bed last night at 2am, as I had to pee....I went to wipe and noticed  ( sorry - being personal ) that I had my period.  OH MY....THAT  was the reason my pants were too tight.  I had been craving chocolate, but it should of arrived next week.  THAT is why my emotions were heightened.  And  my period sort of started with a burst.

Ok, can you get past the personal part now...sorry, trying to connect the God moment here. ...

 I believe God planned it that way.  Like HE held it at bay...until later, after I had the chance to listen to Beth, after I had the chance to be prayed for by Linda,  after I had the chance to just have JESUS time.  I believe God just reminded me that HE is my healer, HE is my comfort and going to HIM, seeking the prayer I needed was what I needed to know and realized again.  I needed that reminder.  I did not need to blame it on "oh...I got my period, no wonder I had a crappy day".  God knew what the Enemy was going to torment me with yesterday and HE knew my emotions and my hormones were already off, but I didn't.  HE knew what the Enemy was going to reveal, but HE also knew that I needed to seek HIM for everything and not just shrug it off as is just THAT time of the month. 

I mean, I know I need to mark that down on the calendar and be aware and yes, there were some phyiscal symptons as well...but, we must walk with HIM daily, moment by moment, minute by minute and period by period....and not blame the enemy or our periods...but SEEK HIM.  Life is messy.  Period.    ( There is a play on words, now I do feel like Beth Moore! ) 

So, I guess this is the main problem is too pit is too small or too big...

To the roots of the mountains I sand down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD My God. Jonah 2.6

To the roots of the mountains I sand down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD My God. Jonah 2.6

HIS word is what redeems us and makes us knew, HIS blood covers us.  HE has it covered.  I knew HE had it covered last night when I asked for prayer from my Pastor, but it felt good to hear her pray and it felt great this am to awake and know that today was a new day. 

Don't be afraid to SEEK ask for prayer, don't just shrug it off as was just my time of the month.....