Thursday, August 2, 2012

..only be careful.. reflections before I start year #25!

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live.  Teach them to your children and to their children after then. - Deuteronomy 4.9

I teach.
I am getting ready to begin year # 25.  That is almost some  500  lives I have been able to touch. 
I had the dream last week of waking up naked and hiding behind my bookshelves as the kids roll in for day number one.  That is the USUSAL dream I have every August.  It was followed this week with the dream that I am standing in my room, at home, with bins and bins and bins of clothes but nothing to put on as I can see the bus pulling up to my driveway to pick me up.  That same dream, each year it is a bit different.  I am getting ready. 
I see them  (my students) more during a 180 day period then some of their parents do.

Am I doing enough? 

I read a collection of a few papers today, some older dates, and noticed the arrest articles and a few other things.  I noticed a former student in the paper.  Arrested. I thought back to her elementary years and what  her gift was in my classroom and it humbled me. 

Did I do enough? 

I mean, I hope and pray always for my students.  I pray that I don't lose my temper, that I will show great patience.  I pray that I can find the right way to help them learn the task of multiplication or divison.  I pray for guidance when their hormones kick in and the girls get catty.  I pray for the one who has 'taken' another's toy and that it will show up. I pray over them when they take a test.  Sometimes I pray that I won't loose my job cause I preached a little too much that day. 

 I pray for them when they come to me and ask me to pray and I teach in a public school.  Like I said, sometimes I pray that I won't get into trouble for speaking my heart.  However, God has used that mission field and I am blessed beyond to be a part of it.  Okeechobee is a wonderful wonderful wonderful school district to work in.  I was blessed to work 23 of my 24 years there.   I was blessed to move to another district and again, I am blessed.   24 years under my belt.  24 years of experience and yet, each August, I begin again and feel like a student teacher.  And, I get those dreams of being naked which any phychologist will tell you it is about being nervous and anxious. 

 But have I done enough? 

Did the kids see in me that love for others?  That love for others?  That love for others? 
Did the kids know that I  love and serve a God that can redeem them?  ...A God that loves them so? 

I think I did.  I tired.  I won't allow the Enemy to tell me I failed. 
I was reminded yesterday by a sweet, former parent, that I do touch lives.  I know I do.  Kids come to me often after they leave my room and give me those hugs and smile and their parents remind me of the fun they had. 

But this one that I read about today - why her?  What happened that she was caught in that circumstance and consequently was arrested.  I have had other students before in this same situation.  I am ashamed to say that sometimes I just shrugged it off as, "their parents..."

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live......

Lord, may I be careful.  Lord, may I not forget. 

Teach them to your children and to their children after them.  Lord, may my life be like a love song to you  -- may the students I encounter this year, this fall, and from this point on, see a teacher who serves and shows your love, unconditionally.  Unconditionally. 

Lord, I teach older kids now.  Lord, our world is becoming 'ready' for your coming.  If people deny it, they are not in their word or watching what is going on.  I want to be steadfast.  I don't want to change with the ebb and flow of  trends or the world, I wish to remain solid in you.  Learning more of how YOU want me to be and Lord, I hope and pray that the students I encounter from this point on, see that I do love, unconditionally  - even on the days where it does not seem to be working. 

Lord, I will be careful.  I thank you for your continued provision and I thank you for your continued blessings.  Lord, for that 'little' one in jail, Lord, bring beauty out of those ashes and may she have a true encounter with you, and become that little one again, with a smile as big as the sun and may she turn her life around.  Lord, I pray...

bless this new crop of students coming in, I want a great harvest...


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