Wednesday, January 11, 2017

So the reality is -- the marriage is broken. Part I - Awareness!

God has been showing me something through the lives of some others and I have found myself writing a sort of 'plan' for a wife that has asked for help. 

 I have written this plan over and over and in different ways and I am believing God wants me to publish it and have it here for another to share with a friend and have some hope.  

I am not a psychologist or a life coach.  I am just a woman, who loves God, seeks the power of the Holy Spirit, and knows Jesus as her best friend.  I have lived a little bit.  Life's experiences have certainly  been played out and I am pretty sure God is not finished with me yet, but I am going to attempt to share a couple of blogs that I pray God will use to help foster some hope and to encourage a wife who is hurting and broken that God is fighting for her and God will win!   

And perhaps you are reading this for the first time and did not realize that my husband and I have lived through a rather difficult season in our marriage, so I want to say this with all transparency -- this is not a subject we laugh about or speak about lightly.  It is with much prayer and faith, that we know -- God is using us as a glimmer of hope and light in a world that Satan wants to destroy.  When a marriage is broken -- Satan believes he is winning.  But when a marriage is restored and God gets the glory - God wins.  

We have lived  our own story, but  we guard it and pray each day that His glory will be seen through us.  I am pretty open about what God has done in our lives, but my husband is a bit more private.  I have to respect that and with all respect guard his feelings as I write.   We both totally agree that it took him more faith to believe in God than me.  We both agree and understand that a marital affair is a symptom of other problems within a marriage.  We both agree and take full responsibility for our actions.  I am so thankful that my husband took a chance,   allowed himself to be submitted to godly counsel ,  and  eventually reestablished his relationship with God's Word.  And we both know and understand  that what God allowed  -- was God's way of getting our attention.  

We both know and understand it just had to be 'this' way.  We now have a marriage that we never had before.  We are still the same people and yet we are both VERY MUCH changed.  We are also different communicators and make a daily choice to be present before God and submit to Him.  

I can truly only focus on my testimony.   My testimony is  how I committed adultery against my Lord.  How my own selfishness   and my idolatry   overshadowed  my marriage.  God allowed the glass walls around our family and our marriage to be shattered because He knew what would come next.  I believe  our story is one of HOPE for you as well, and if you have found this blog because someone shared it or  God led you to it - I pray that this series will indeed be a resource to you and give you hope to know -- that  your marriage does not have to be over -- it can be better than it ever was!  

Awareness!   Part 1. 

Hebrews  14.3
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral". 

You have become aware that your husband is having an affair, had an affair, or has  confessed to breaking the marriage vows. Your marriage does not have to be related to an affair to be broken.  There are other sexual sins that can cause broken vows.  And, a husband can commit adultery without having sexual intercourse.   It is a matter of the heart.  Adultery is committed in the heart.  So, this covers much. 

You are now aware.   Being aware may bring some peace, but it now ushers  you into the next phase or decision.  What are you going to do?

I believe you have two choices.  You can be bitter or decide to be better.  However, you are probably going to run through every gambit of emotions in the next couple of days and it is ok -- you have a right to be angry just don't sin in that anger.

You also have to make a decision.  Many reminded me that biblically,  when there is adultery, Jesus had provided provision -- you are released.

I personally don't believe it is that easy.  I don't believe God releases the spouse that has been scorned.    But this is a very serious and personal decision and it  must be prayerfully decided.  You are the one that should seek God and do what HE asks you to do.

Immediately I knew, God wanted me to extend grace and mercy to my husband.  Immediately, God provided 2 sweet sisters in Christ that prayed for me and with me.  Immediately, God showed me some good godly counsel and immediately, He reminded me that I was in the palm of His hands. Immediately, God was faithful and I knew that I knew I was to show grace and mercy.

So you are aware.
I pray right now for the way in which you found out -- if you love God, then I am going to believe that God extended as much grace and mercy in the situation and that HE was not surprised.

I pray that as you crawl up into the arms of Jesus this evening and read God's Word, that you will find His presence is very real and RIGHT there with you.

You will have a decision - will your husband remain in the home or has he left?  Do you want him to leave?  There are some very real questions and things that need to be addressed.  Seek counsel and make decisions prayerfully  and with God as Your guide.

And right now, you are thinking -- 'how on earth?'.  I want to tell you that every emotion that will run through your head and thoughts in the next couple of days are real and these thoughts and emotions will have to be dealt with in time, but they are real.  Just don't allow these emotions to dictate your decisions but let them temper your heart and allow the Lord to place His filter all over these precious first moments after the awareness. 

I believe you need to have a mentor or someone that will hold you accountable.  Who can you speak to?   Is there a friend, a pastor from your church, or even a neighbor that you can confide in?   This person should love God and have the ability to remind you of Your identity in Christ.  This person may have to hold you accountable and even apply some discipline if needed.  This person should be in right relationship with her family and her husband or kids and be in a healthy spot.   This person should be encouraging and seek God for all answers.  I caution you to be wise about HOW much you say and tell.  Keep only a few close and stick to allowing God to be your best friend.  I know that God has a few around you that will help you.

If there are children involved, please know -- no matter what, your husband will always be their father. 

And, I would encourage you to write in a journal if you don't already.  Write notes to God,  pen these emotions and questions into your journal and ask God first.  Record what is going on in your head but also know - whether you saw this coming or you are totally at a loss as you had no idea -- God is not surprised and God is RIGHT there with you.   And know -- through Christ, you will get through these first few weeks and this earthquake that has broken up your home, does not have to destroy you. 

Ok, that is enough for this first post.

I will share a prayer that interacts with my story and I pray that until the next post - it will hold your thoughts and questions until the next post.

Lord, she came here this eve or today for a purpose.  Lord, something has been revealed within her marriage and the enemy is trying his best to destroy this union that Your have ordained.   Lord, for the immediate moment, I just pray that as you HELD me in those first moments when the walls came crashing down on me - you will HOLD her as well.  Give her a dream or vision that will sustain her when she believes there is no HOPE.  Lord, provide the mentors and godly counsel RIGHT there close to her to step it up or be revealed.  Lord, help her to believe that indeed, You have allowed this  revelation for such a time as this.  Lord, I pray she will read the book of Esther in the next few days and begin to read about a girl that saved her people, because she was obedient to her godly counsel and believed in You.  Lord, use that story to help this precious wife believe that ...this situation is the enemy's ploy to destroy a family.  Lord, help her to see that the man who has betrayed her -- is simply not the one she calls husband right now, but one who has believed a lie and has been deceived.   Lord, protect her heart this evening as each day is going  to be hard unless You are right with her.  Lord, protect her eyes and her ears right now, that the enemy does not add in extra damage.  Lord, provide for her the best situation as far as housing - whether he remains in the home or not.  You know Lord, I cried each night but had to learn to rely on ONLY You and allow myself to be alone with YOU as YOU met each and every need as my husband for a season.  Lord, YOU collected every tear and provided and so I pray that for her as well.  IN Jesus name....until you commission the next part in this series Lord -- IN Jesus name, amen.

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