Monday, January 30, 2017

So the reality is the marriage is broken - Part IV - Forgiveness Revisited

God has been showing me something through the lives of some others and I have found myself writing a sort of 'plan' for a wife that has asked for help. 

 I have written this plan over and over and in different ways and I am believing God wants me to publish it and have it here for another to share with a friend and have some hope.  

I am not a psychologist or a life coach.  I am just a woman, who loves God, seeks the power of the Holy Spirit, and knows Jesus as her best friend.  I have lived a little bit.  Life's experiences have certainly  been played out and I am pretty sure God is not finished with me yet, but I am going to attempt to share a couple of blogs that I pray God will use to help foster some hope and to encourage a wife who is hurting and broken that God is fighting for her and God will win!   

If this is your first time here and you wish to read Part 1, here is the link:  
Awareness Part I 

This is the next part I believe the Lord is asking me to write and share.   It deals with,  her.  

Forgiveness  is commanded by God.  We forgive.  I am 6+ years almost 7 years from the event that exposed the brokenness of my marriage.   

We are  healed.  Very much healed.   I pray and believe the other parties/family that was involved in our situation has healed as well.  I pray for them and sometimes,  we pray for them if something was triggered or comes up.  We believe our marriage is different and stronger now.  We, my husband and I,  believe God is using our pain and redemption to bring HOPE to others.  

We are a little older.  We may think of ourselves as those high school sweethearts at times, but often we are reminded that we are grown ups and have been married -- now almost 30 years.  

But the enemy is alive and well -- for now.  He does anything and everything in his power to bring up junk and highlight triggers that can bring forth a memory and every once in a while, a comment is made or a dig can be shared and if we are not careful, a door can be left open.

About a year ago, at one of our Women's Encounters I believe I had a deeper calling to the Cross to forgive my husband and the entire situation.  It was about 4am when the Holy Spirit awoke me and gave me such insight into WHAT I was to be speaking about that morning and WHAT we needed to do yet before the women were dismissed for the weekend.  More Forgiveness.  

As I laid at the Cross and tears streamed down my face, I felt myself speaking directly to the woman that I had hated for a good 3-4 months back in May of 2010.  I also felt deep pity for a few moments for that person and then I just cried my heart out and sought her face ( symbolically ) and asked her for her forgiveness.  I can't even imagine WHAT all has transpired within her family but God loves her just as much as HE loves me.  And for a time and place, the enemy used her and had her deceived.   I was deceived way before the two of them ever committed adultery.  I was JUST as much of a sinner.  I knew that - however,  God had taken me deeper.  

I shared with the ladies that morning, I stated that if God would bring her to me, I knew what I would say and do.  I would seek her and ask her to forgive me.  Whoa.  Wow.   I share that on this blog.  I have never shared a name and what we speak about at a Women's Encounter is confidential but the women there needed to know that I was transparent and I too submit to Holy Spirit and do what God tells me to do. 

Ever since then, my thoughts and feelings for any 'other woman' have changed.

 In fact, God has used some women in my life and as I have gotten to know them, I have realized that they were the 'other women' in their stories and to see them now - repented, restored, and redeemed  in each life -  it was such a blessing.  So again, I know that if God chooses to cross our paths -- He will orchestrate it.  Until then, I asked for a 'proctor' to stand in the place of so I could wash her feet.  And so I could ask her to forgive me. And I did that - back at the Encounter and I had a new found peace.  It also allowed another to confess a similar situation in which she repented and God won!

I think this revelation is REAL and deep and somewhat of a 360.  I was told that adultery was the NEXT hardest thing to overcome besides the death of a child.   I had witnessed  and experienced a death of a child.  He was my nephew,  but for many of his 17 years,  he was in my home and my kid for this weekend or that and it was a hard thing.  I can't really compare the two heartaches.  They are both extremely difficult to endure and yet, both  extremely painful.  They are alike and yet so different.  One can't put a 'level' on pain.  When you are in pain - it hurts.   One person's pain may not be as painful to another -- but, we can't look at someone and diminish their feelings.   Anyway -- if you have been reading this series then YOU may not be HERE right yet.   But I can tell you that if you allow God to transform you -- even if you don't reconcile the marriage with your husband -- God can bring you to this deeper revelation of forgiveness! 

So, can I  implore you - to ask God to GET you to THIS place??  

 There is more freedom here and there is a peace that transcends all understanding.    God will bring you here.   Unforgiveness can keep you from your eternal resting place -- don't let it.   Make sure you have forgiven and allow God to heal you and take you deeper -- if need be. 

 I promise you -- it is a good place to be with Jesus - a real good place.  

- Michelle 

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