Thursday, March 29, 2012

BEth Moore says...Show me a godly

woman and I will show you a woman that pursued God. 

I came across my spiral in my desk back from 2010.  I read through the scriptures and the dates posted and thanked God for my pain at certain times and HIS word at others.  As I reflected, I sat humbled...

Someone told me something today, how when God makes beauty out of ashes...HE takes the ashes...and makes the beauty, but we can't hold onto those ashes.  Wow...I hope I never forget that. 

I thought about the godly women around me who pursue God......

Lord, thank you for that one, she always listend to God and sent me a text or always answered my phone when I needed her to.  May I never forget to do the same.

Lord, thank you for that one, a new friend, who did not really like me before all of this hurt, but cried for me, cried with me, and spoke truth into my life and gave me hope.  May I do the same for others you send my way.

Lord, thank you for that first one that I sought counsel from so many years ago, thank you for her ministry and her heart knowledge. 

Lord, thank you for that second one that prayed with me and I sat on her couch and she taught like no one else could.  May I have that ability some day.

Lord thank you for the one right next door, that always smiled and always listened. 

Lord, thank you for the newer one right next door at school, that always listened and smiled and prayed with me and Lord, may I return the favor.

Thank you for the ones that would send a card, or Facebook me, or just send me an email and they encouraged me and told me over and over that they were in prayer for me and my family and for us as a whole and they did not judge and they continued to pray and let me know -- it meant so much.  May I be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and pray for those that you send my way in that same manner.  Oh  God, when I feel burdened or feel their pain--- may I be sensitive and not too busy.  Lord, I don't ever want to be too busy.

Lord, thank you for the ones who stopped me in Wal-mart...or Publix.  I mean, thank you for the ones that really DID pray and want healing for my family...not the ones that were seeking gossip...Lord, I do pray for those, may they never feel the pain of real rejection and may they seek you first and not learn the hard way, but back to the sincere ones who sought me out...OH God...YOU know how their hugs, their breath of fresh air and encouragement just lifted me. 

Lord, thank you for Beth Moore  and various bible  teachers that I sought out, that I read about, that I searched and that I soaked up....Lord, YOU speak through many other mediums.  And then Lord, you would use your godly women around confirm and support....and you comforted...all the time. 

Lord, for that one new bible teacher friend that taught me so much about your word and served you Lord each Monday night at bible study with Beth's am so thankful for her and her ministry. 

Lord, for the new friend that blessed me with Angela Thomas two years in a row....and how she played such a role in healing....she brought the Jesus water to me and so many, bless her Lord.  I know she pursues you and I know you are highly favored. 

Lord, thank you for the new friend that has become like an old friend.  Lord, thank you for our 44th ...birthday and how much we have in common.  Lord, thank you for letting me learn from her, for the opportunity to see her delivered from stuff, and for the continued friendship and prayers she still extends. 

Lord, for the mutal friend that ---too shared her own experience -- and sent me those special flowers that one day, cause only she would understand.  And Praise God..Praise YOU as they are restoring and healing. 

Lord, for the three that sat in my house those weeks at the end of our Ruth bible study and we cried, and we shared, and we loved and we prayed...may each one of them, be blessed beyond measure.  One of them is the queen of high fives.  One of them is now a mommy and one of them is still an old friend that graces me with her smile very often as I see her life changing and as I get to pray for her and be her friend.  You Lord, have sealed so many NEW friendships and yet, secured old ones, and YOU just amaze me.

Lord, thank you for the sweet dear ones that made me laugh and laugh..and promised to hire a hit man if I needed one - just saying.  Oh God, how the laughter brought a smile and the ability to eat or live another moment.  Oh God, thank you for them...there a few that are so dear, and there are others that have come and gone.  Lord, it is so neat that we as adult women can come into a life...minister to it ...and then move on to what YOU have for us next.  Those friends and sisters - n ' Christ that YOU used for a short time, are as precious as the circle of friends I still have around me often.  Only YOU can do that God..ONLY you..and women that pursue YOU. 

Lord, for the real sister's in law daughter...Oh Lord, the list could go on and on, but I just want to say, I can see them all as YOUR godly women...thank you --words stated would not be enough as their prayers, their  hugs, just their phone calls  and knowing that they wanted God to win with

Bless them Lord,  bless them....

Lord,  I believe today  they need to know -- they are HIGHLY favored....we are highly favored as we are YOURS.  May anyone reading this - relate and know that they KNOW - YOU feel the VERY same way about them as well.   YOU pursue us Lord,   more than we pursue you...I pray anyone reading this will let YOU catch them...

Lord, for the godly women out there that pursue you .....thanks.  - Your daughter,  Michelle

Friday, March 23, 2012

being held.....

Ok, God had been reminding me of something over and over again.  It is funny how "I think" things should be or how I want this to be fixed or how 'that' would make this better and so forth, and each time, GOD always has a better thing, or a better response, or a better outcome --- when we wait on HIM. 
I have already said this before, but this am, HE spoke to me about the word ...held......
Natalie Grant wrote this song called "Held" after a friend of hers lost a baby.  IT has circled the Christian Radio charts and I believe I have purchased her CD 2-3 times and given it to people when they have experienced the death of a is comforting to know that God does HOLD us...we are being HELD.

But, today HE reminded me of something else.  Like I said....I have this picture or expectation and God just floors me - tremendously. 

First of all, I did a little research on the word held..or hold.... The Dictionary says,  1.  to have or keep in the hand, keep fast, grasp.  2.  to set aside, to reserve or retain -- like to hold a reservation.  3.  to bear, sustain, or support as with hands or arms or by any other means.  4.  to keep them in a specified state, 'the preacher held them spellbound'. and 5.  to detain, the police held him at the station for questions. 

Held.....then I looked up some more info...The noun held means an act of a verb, it means to remain in or continue being held.....Did you know there is also definitions for ...
hold back....
hold down....
hold forth....
hold in.....
hold off....
get ahold of .....
hold one's own.....

Then 2 verses were found:  
   2 Thessalonians 2.15    So then brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter.

   1 Titus 1.9
  He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.

Then I found this:   the word HOLD with a capital "h" is found in 11 verses in our bible, 9 chapters, and 9 books.....that version is more of the noun hold....

I wanted to write down each verse, I will site a few of my favorite:

Judges 18.19     Nehemiah  8.11     Job   13.13
Psalms 17.5   Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not.
Psm  109. 1    Amos  6.10    Zephaniah 1.7
Mark 1.25     Luke 4.35       2Tim 1.13
Psalm 119.117   Hold thou  me up, and I will be safe; and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.

I stopped and pondered why those two verses really STUCK in me....I remember many times in my life when I would beg God to hold up my goings in thy path....and just HOLD me....up....

And in Psm. 119....hold thou me up...JUST HOLD ME many  times I begged and pleaded that on my behalf. 

How about you...are you begging God to hold you up?  IF you are, let us stop right now:
Lord, for my sweet sister or for whomever is reading this.....they or she or he needs you ...hold them...hold them up.  Amen. 

Then I came across this.  The word HOLD with a capital H is there 11 times and the word hold with a lower case 'h' in 167 verses...167 verses....49 chapters....35 books...I was astonded. 

I did not write down each verse but a few that spoke volumes to me.

One of my life verses:  Exodus 14.14    The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.
Psalm 139.10    Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
Proverbs 3.18  She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her and happy is every one that retaineth her.
Proverbs 4.13  Take fast hold of instruction, let her not go, keep her, for she is thy life.
Isaiah 41.13  For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, fear not, I will help thee.

That last verse...spoke life into me many times over the past few years.   I don't wish to bring up the past, but I have to share this one story...of HOW this verse spoke life back into me.    It was about a month after I had some discouraging news and my husband and I were separated.  Our son was headed to Lousiana for a soccer tournament and my husband was very kind and did not expect to travel with us, as he knew our time together was hard, very hard but after prayer, I knew he deserved to be able to attend and enjoy the soccer.  It had been a planned trip and Taylor was traveling with us.  Arrangements were made and our time together was difficult but ok.  WE spent a week together as a family and enjoy Hunter' team and their wins and their heartbreak loss on the last day.  The in between times were VERY hard, as sometimes I could only smile for so long and pretend for so long that all was well.  Each evening we would pick a restaurant and sit as a family  and each of us did a good job with keeping conversations 'right'.  Anyway, like I said, at times, it would just get too hard to bear and I would excuse myself and head to the ladies room.  At which I would get sick, either lose my lunch or supper or just spit up dry heaves and then look at myself in the mirror and hold my hand up in front of it and recite this verse.  Sometimes I would cry it out, sometimes I had to be very discrete, but I had to remind myself over and over that HE was holding my hand.  HE was going to get me through this and HE would make all things new.  HE did.  I would be able to wipe my tears, recompose myself and head back to the supper or dinner table and smile and just be thankful for the four of us - enjoying time together.  It was a difficult week.  The kids and I shared a King sized bed and Brendan slept on the floor.  Many nights were spent in prayer as I could not sleep between two kids that literally tossed and turned as they slept and I would hold my arm up in front of my eyes and focus on my hand and recite that verse...and imagine that God was RIGHT there...holding me and being my RIGHT was a verse I came to paraphase and repeat often....To this day, I wear a bracelet on my right hand, and I don't like jewelry...and it reminds me of the fact that HE continues to hold my right hand.  HE continues to guide and HE is holding me. 

Now, bear in mind...that may leave a sad taste in your mind about my husband ..but don't let it.  I want to tell you that for the past year....well, maybe at least the past 7-8 months, I fall asleep each night in his arms...he holds me very tight and waits for me to wiggle out of his grip.  When I awake in the am, he must awake too as he will turn over and quickly grab me and hold me tight.  This am, that happened again.  And I could hear God remind me...'see....I continue to hold you...through him'....Brendan can be the person on earth that can show you physical love and hold you and remind you that YOU are deeply loved by the Father. 

I believe that.  That brought more healing to me today.  That made me smile....

The Enemy must of heard me speaking outloud today as I was conversing with God, and he must of decided to try his best to whisper a lie again.  He tired.  He failed.  I won't go into that story, but I knew...especially when I came across the LAST verse that was listed of the 167 is as follows: 

Revelation 20.2
And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years.

Yep...God wins.  Period. 

I believe that is all God wants me to share and say...but I will end with this,  if you read this today and you are in a hurting spot or you need to be reminded that God is holding you ...cause perhaps there isn't a husband right there holding you....count on the fact that HE is.  Count on the fact that HE can...Count on the fact that HE wants you more than ever...and that HIS love is the best.  The best.

Lord, I thank you so much, for holding me.
PS...don't let him stop....I still need it - daily...even though I know YOU can hold me without being here...and I know I am so loved without him holding me...I am just feels so so so good. 


I love  him Lord, but I know that I know, I love you more...there is a proper order now - amen. 
- michelle

Monday, March 19, 2012

Do not judge....Mathew 7.1

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged".   Matthew 7.1

I knew God was giving me my 'next' blog topic as I finished a book this weekend for the 2nd time.  I read the manuscript of the book in the summer of 2010.  I read it like I was on fire as I was seeking an answer to something.  I read it with tears...I read it with hurt...I read it with hope...and that book is in print now and I was given my own copy by the author and his wife...a co- author, and now, I want to share. 

First of all, I want to ask God, "God give me the words, to share this without making it seem trival or stupid, and use this tesimony Lord to further YOUR kingdom and bless another, as I too want freedom for the captives like my Pastor has stated, like my dear friend Linda has YOUR word states, bring beauty out of this.  May I say only what you want me to say but make it real, amen."

Well,  some 24 years ago we moved to Okeechobee.  We were very young and newly married.  Our 'first' friends were a couple that were associated with school.  Brendan's peer teacher was Dave Robertson and he also helped Dave coach basketball.  Immediately they hit it off.  His wife, Theda was my 'next' door neighbor at North Elementary and a hoot.  What fun there was that our husband's were connected.  Then life hit them, and they began a time where their marriage turned hard.  I hate saying 'it failed' but if you speak to either one of them, they will say that too.  I can't explain the why...I would never dare too -- but I judged.  I judged BIG time.

I remember journaling and telling God 'how I was going to do it'...and 'how this should of hapened'.  And I also remember asking Brendan, 'can this happen to us after 10 years of marriage?'......

 I had my own thoughts and ideas and I believed I knew what the problem was.  I did not voice it, but I believed it in my heart.  Dave and Theda  did divorce.  Dave and Theda made their peace.  Brendan continued to ALWAYS be friends with Dave.  Brendan also showed mercy -- I never did.  I held onto anger and bitterness for a long time.   I was so happy when Theda found love again, she could heal but I still hated Dave.  Even after Theda remarried, I judged.  Even after DAve remarried, I judged.  Linda was a teacher in our district and she taught 4th grade, and I taught 4th grade and I know now, my judgement spilled over onto her and she never once asked for it.

Brendan kept in touch with Dave and would even tell me, 'he can tell you haven't forgiven him'....and I would reply, "yes I have, but I don't have to be his best friend".   And I watched as his church grew and thought - 'well, God must of forgiven him'....I would see him on the street and he would always have smiles for me, but deep down I had no real love there, no respect. 

Now, I realize -- he, hurt me.  I had listened to him talk about God and he let me down.  You see my dad wasn't a good living example of Jesus' love, but Dave was suppose to be.  Yet, he was human and I did not see that.  I really DID NOT understand that...until now. 

 Dave has been married now to Linda for over 20 years...and I still judged and held onto a bitterness that ran very deep.  But, I did not realize it, until August of 2010.

 You see....almost 22 years later, God clearly showed me that I needed to forgive a man...a man that is now my Pastor.  How God works, HIS timing - is amazing and yet I sit here typing and am mystified.  Just trying to figure out God makes my brain hurt.  I mean I tried for so many years, and now I realize and know that we can't figure out God.  HE is God.  Period. 

Anyway, like I said, at a very crucial part of my life and a crucial moment in my marriage, God used Dave and Linda to remind me of a few things.   God used Dave and Linda to instill  a hope that I so needed.  And God used Dave and Linda to show me, how HE forgives. 

God used Dave as he reminded me, 'don't put a time limit on God'  and God used Dave to remind me that 'the hurt I was experiencing was real and they --they both ached for me ...and for my marriage... and for my husband as well'.  God used Dave to speak life back into me.  God used Linda to remind me, HE had a better plan for my life and God used Linda to remind me that...I was loved. 

On sale at Barnes and Nobel or
Through  three separate nights of meetings and powerful prayer, I forgave Dave and God opened up a whole new aspect of my worship with HIM.  You see, I believed I had the Baptism of the Holy Spirit but I believe it was sort of STUCK....if that makes sense.  I had prayed and prayed and asked God over and over again to really show me or clearly give me peace with my prayer language and then BOOM...praying with Dave, actually looking into his eyes and asking him for forgiveness, and flowed freely.  Now, at the time, I did not realize the power in that gift of tongues.  I would come to realize it January and February and March and April and May of 2011...I would come to realize it on the nights when I thought the pain in  my life would just kill me...or let me say, I wanted to head to heaven and not have to deal ONE more day with my thoughts...or my hurts....or my situation, but God sustained me and filled me through HIS prayer language.  The peace and comfort I received being able to just rest in HIM and let HIM I said, I am humbled. 

I believe that if you are hurting, you should read Dave and Linda's book.  He writes the first part, she writes a portion of it too.  Hearing her side,  hearing her pain and then seeing the miracle, refreshed my soul but it also reminds me..God's will is NOT a penalty.  God does bring beauty out of ashes...God does not need to explain HIMSELF, but HE is good all the time.  HE does heal, HE does restore.  And I believe one of the reasons Dave had to suffer ...was for the two of them were able to help me..and my kids...and my husband in a way that could not be met by other friends and counselors.  God did that for me.  God loves me that much.  God loves Brendan that much.  God loves us all that much. 

Ok, I believe I said what I was suppose to say. 
If you are reading this, it is cause you know and love me...I asked God whom I was to share my copy of the book with and HE clearly gave me a plan and a name.  I will send her a copy of the book today and pray she reads it and shares it with another. 

God is still in the miracle working business and HE does answer prayer, don't give up!
Love does cover a multitude of sins. 

Lord, I pray that the people in my life and in my circle of friends, don't have to learn the lesson of 'don't judge'...the hard way.  I pray they will seek you  with everything they have, but if they have to learn it the hard way -- use me...or use Dave and Linda again...YOU got this, I love you Lord.  Amen. 

1 Peter 4:8

8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins

Friday, March 16, 2012

the Jesus Water....

The past few days again the Enemy has really tried to get under my skin...he did.  It is a battle as the song goes 'the battle between good and evil'....can you tell I love XM radio? I said, it is a daily struggle.

I remember something Beth Moore posted back in December of 2010 or it could of been in 2009 but that does not matter.  I was so captivated by it, I cut and pasted it and sent it with my Christmas cards.  Notice the word 'my' .....even though now I believe I was humbly walking with my Lord, I can see where I was walking and grabbing HIS hand but I was in the lead and HE let me.  However, that thought or revelation from Beth has come to my mind over and over again in the past 24 hours....

Basically, it was a prayer and she talks about 'when' she is in the middle of something...why can't she just trust God long enough based on previous victories and situations to ride it out and not get so crazy in the middle of it......    as in time, HE works it out and then we look back and go ..why...why did I overreact or why did I not trust?  ....cause of ....lack of faith....???  The ending of her revelation was....I guess that is the challenge of our lives, if we had it figured out ...we would be in heaven.

THAT is the live IN this world, but not be of THIS world.

I also read a blog from a women and her name is Elisabeth and she spoke about the very same thing.  She is going through a divorce and how she writes her thoughts, her pain, and her revelations have just brought healing to me.  As I read about her healing---I can so relate and hear her head -- if that makes sense and she said it too....until we are totally healed in heaven.......

Anyway, today as I thought of the day, the Jesus water  thing came to me.  At Christmas time, I was blessed beyond measure to hear Angela Thomas speak again.  And her Jesus water filled me....

I want to share...

She stared off by saying:  "it is one thing to read HIS word, but it is another to WEAR HIS love like a coat"....

She spoke about the Beatitudes.  Blessed are the poor in Spirit as for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.  People need healing -- everywhere....Jesus sees our hearts.

She read the scripture and emphasized 'when' you are poor in Spirit...'when' you are in mourning...'when'  you are hungry and thirst...  She had read this scripture before and felt it said...if you want to be HIS you got to be...poor in to to be...hungry and thirsty....

How about you - what do you think?

 When Jesus saw the crowds, He went up on the [a]mountain; and after He sat down, His disciples came to Him. 2 He opened His mouth and began to teach them, saying,
   3 “[b]Blessed are the [c]poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
   4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
   5 “Blessed are the [d]gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
   6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
   7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
   8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
   9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
   10 “Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
   11 “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

She heard to be blessed got to be poor in to be   gentle..etc  etc.... 

And yet, she was given the 'when' you are.  In fact, she had some sort of correlation of the word 'when' ...and well -- it just really SUNK in!    

She stated..." I will become a whole woman of God WHEN HE fills me".....

She asked, 'who do I hold my cup out to?'......

Only the Holy Spirit can POUR into that cup....People that are hurting us are given to us ...our children..our husbands...are our GIFT.....they were are GIFT .....and we are to be GREAT -- Full......

She used a cup of water and demonstrated...JEsus pours into us...HE will fill us and when HE does then we overspill....HIM....when we get a little low...HE fills us...HE can keep us at a good measure if we keep our cup there, letting HIM fill it.  

Jesus did say, blessed are the poor in spirit, HE knows our hearts.  


That story, that illustration really came to my head today - guess I was to share it with others.  

I messed up in the past few days.  I let my guard down.  I let the Enemy fill my head again with unmet expectations and I even let him tell me that GOD does not care - ha ha ha .  

Today, I smile -- as I know I am doing a mighty work for HIM..that is why I get attacked.  

Today, I smile, as Jesus filled my cup and my attitude and my disposition is much better, because I went to HIM for my filling...not my child, my job, or my man.....

God blessed me again today..through my job, my child and my man...but HE blessed me - not the Enemy.  

I must not forget Exodus 14.14..HE will fight for me, I need only be still.  

I won't.  I don't.  I just get off track.  

But...that is what makes life interesting doesn't it?  .....Like Beth says,  this is our life...until we are finally home.  Amen.  

Until then -- I do like the requires much faith...Amen.  

- michelle

Monday, March 5, 2012

Dear Mrs. Alone...... a tough letter to read.

Some time ago, in the middle of one of the MANY books I have read on marriage, love, hurt, God, restoration, healing...etc...  etc....  etc........I came across a book by Debi Pearl.  Actually it was a suggested read by a sister in Christ, Dede.  At the time, I was reading anything anyone cared to tell me to read - I was a looking and searching for answers and comfort.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I would not of read the  book she suggested  a year prior to that...nor would of I agreed with it.  Even reading it when I first got married, would not of been my choice as it has some HARD stuff in it. And I did not understand, Biblically, what was expected of me.    Submission.  That is the topic I am speaking about  and God's plan for 'me' the wife.  But anyway......

In the past few years, between much counsel, prayer, and more prayer, and  watching I have noticed a few things.

 THIS book is a MUST read if you want a marriage that God intended.
 THIS  book will cause you to reflect and wonder - what is my role??
 THIS  book, is something I would encourgae every  wife to read. 
THIS  book can save a marriage if both are seeking our Lord. 
THIS book should be read, but do you want to do the hard?   Do you want to be a better wife.  I have noticed that there are some who just don't want to anymore.  They are tired, and I have been there, I know your hurt and unmet expectations but only God and Jesus can heal that....this book could help sort out somethings!  
But anyway.........

 Like I was saying, I have noticed much.  My heart breaks for some.  Again today, I got wind and word of another marriage that is falling into the statistics of divorce.  I praised and thanked God that mine is not in that statistic.  I will thank God for that,  daily, as HE did a miracle in our lives, but there are some woman out there I just want to say something too...

Read the following  letter from Mrs. Alone.

   THIS was a letter that REALLY shook me up as I read this book by Debi Pearl.  It put many things into perspective.   It was a letter that brought me to my knees again and it had me seek forgiveness from my own husband.  It was a letter that I read often to remind myself -- we are just as responsible for the marriage and its problems, there is never just one person at fault. 

If there are children involved....any age....we owe them...we need to try the HARD before we give up. God can heal and restore, HIS blood is enough but I am well aware that perhaps it is just too hard or too painful.  SEEK HIM in those decisions.

But anyway.........

I see and hear many woman around me.  I hear you speak to your husbands on the phone, around your friends, and in front of your children.  It happens alot  when I am sitting at my desk at the Ins. Office and you have no idea that I can hear you.  It happens when I listen to my children speak of parents of their friends.    It happens when I overhear ladies in Publix.  It happens at the gym.  It happens amongst friends.   It happens at my work place and in the parking lot.    It happens on TV all the time.  It happens at the hairdressers and especially at the nail just happens.  I hear stuff.  And I want to say - 'do you hear yourself?'  

I know I don't know your pain, and I am so sure there are always two sides to every thing, but I just wonder how much better some of your world would be, if you read and listened to the pain in this letter. 

I posted it first on September 21, 2010.  I felt led to post it again. 

Here it is, I am praying that reading this, may change a life or a marriage or get someone thinking.  I am tired of the enemy winning.....I want more victories in HIM! 

Dear Alone,
         Thank you for your letter.  Your letter is something woman should read so  I am placing it in my book for others to read.
                           Sincerely, Debi Pearl

Here it the letter:

Dear Mrs. Pearl, I would like to tell my story . . that others may be warned .. I'm  alone but never thought I would be … I made many mistakes in my marriage but I wish someone would of pulled me aside and given me some advice. I hear many young marrieds or woman complaining…but they need to seek God’s word,  they need to be open to the truth.

The things I did or failed to do were not everyday, constantly overt, or  in the face actions. They were subtle, ebbing and flowing, but there, nonetheless.

When my husband acted selfishly at home, allowed his tempter to flare, and sometimes said curse words, and then went to church and acted spiritual, I wish I had prayed postively for him instead of withdrawing a little emotinally from him and letting my cynicism and lack of confidence in him be so manifest. I wish I had openly showed love and acceptance of him for himself, not impatiently wait until he acted right.

When my husband failed the children, failed to have devotions, failed to be spiritual, failed to lead as he should, I wish I had completely trusted God and maintained unity, honor, reverence, and submission with a glad and trusting heart. I wish I had kept the children honoring him and praying for their dad instead of allowing my martyred attitude to manifest itself so openly.

When he made a statement about someone or something, I wish I had not always put his opinion down, letting him know he was wrong again.

When he acted like a jerk, I wish I had remainded quiet and prayed for him, loved him anyway instead of letting him know what I thought about him and his actions.

When he tried to make it  up to me,  for some failure, I wish I had not been so cool, waiting for him to suffer a little more and be more intense and sincere about his apology.

When he spent money I thought we did not have, I wish I had remained quiet and trusted God. I wish I had shown continued confidence in him, regardless of his decisions.

When he wanted me to do something, and I did not want to do it, I wish I had cheerfully complied instead of making him sorry he asked. Hardheadedness is not a trait to endear any woman to a man.

When he needed a woman to believe in him, admire him, approve of him, accept him, regardless of his failures, I wish now that I had been the one to give him those things.

When I thought keeping his faults before him— just small things he did and said— and keeping myself a little standoffish in my approval of him, was the only way he would change, I wish someone would of taken me aside and told me how badly mistaken I was to think that it was my place to apply and keep the pressure on.

When he were in the company of family and friends, I wish I had not taken on a martyred air when he left to go off and do something on his own.

When he did not know how to show love, and I felt a void emtionally, I wish I had borne all things and hoped all things, and loved him unconditionally, instead of giving up inside and turning to friends and family for my emotional support and needs. I never saw the need to endear myself to him. I took for granted that he would fulfill the husband’s moral obligation to love me. I wish I had gone to “God’s Beauty School” for the whole woman.

I wish someone would of told me . .

Sincerely, Alone

Lord, I am not quite sure who will read this today.  Maybe you wanted me to post this just as a reminder to myself, if that is the case - OK!   I reread it and heard her pain.  Lord, I pray right now for the wife or one who this may be meant for, Lord, may she see YOU and follow YOUR lead in helping her marriage get back onto the right track, under YOU.  Lord,  I Love you and thank you our miracle. Amen.