Being honest - being disappointed -- serious prayer.

I have not blogged in a bit.   As I read back and forth on this site, I see I have reposted a few really good blogs that I wrote some time ago. 

My child had a birthday and so did my sweet neighbor and so I updated and reposted those.   And yesterday, after about 2 good weeks of writers block I seek God and ask ....what can I write about? 

I check the verse of the day on my phone app and it says:   "those who control their tongue will have a long life: opening our mouth can ruin everything".   Proverbs 13.3 

So, I did not blog. 

I was actually in prayer for a situation/person (s) and I was in tears as well, and I wanted to be the 'little kid' and tattle to someone who could FIX the problem or at least throw some verbal punches in there so perhaps a change would occur .... 
...or a mountain would be removed.... as I just could not SEE that God was doing HIS part. 

Then as I continued to pray throughout the day, I found myself over and over reminding God that the situation/person (s) was HIS problem and that He had better HURRY up or at least ....do this.... do that....so then I could.....  and then it dawned on me. 

Did you hear what I said,  to myself, ...."Lord, if I could fix  this...."...

"Lord, if I could ...."

"Lord, you are not and I will...."

It really did not matter which way I said it, but the Holy Spirit quickly convicted me, revealing to me that  I had taken the problem back under my wing and was worrying about it and trying to fix something or someone that ONLY God can.  



I  had dropped my phone on my date night Friday and shattered the glass.  I can or I had to pay the deductible and it is fixed.   ( I had to take it to the Verizon store and get help ...but I CAN fix that.) 

I heated up my hubby's supper and added in a quick dessert -- that I CAN do. 

My mom and dad's 50th anniversary celebration is being planning and details are being worked out - as the oldest, I CAN make a few decisions to do this or that.

I CAN get to the gym and begin to remove the 18 extra pounds that have crept in over the past 2 years...  

But I can't FIX messy people...or situations where - I know GOD is working...and where I KNOW God will win...but, it would certainly help my 'flesh' and my feelings if I could just get a hint or SEE something changing and getting better. 

Trust.

Obey.

So, today, I awake and remind God that I really want to blog about something and as my day goes on, HE brings me to Ann Voskamp's blog.  She had posted one a few days ago and another today - and WOW -- I want to write like her. 

(I placed a link for them on my FB wall -- I promise you - THEY are worth the read and sign up for her blog site and get her book -- whoa! )  

HE spoke RIGHT to me via her words. 

Then the enemy sets it..."see, your time of blogging is pretty much over"...."There is no need". 

yep...and I buy the lie..for a good 20 minutes until I realize that --the enemy is a LIAR. 

Then I stop and think and have a great conversation with God and ask...or state...."if I can be so easily lied to and I buy the lie for a bit".... How much more does another -- whom does not know their identity in Christ?"

I ask God -- does Beth Moore even get into these type of funks? 
Does Joyce Meyers?  Does Lisa Bevere?  Does Ann Voskamp? 

And then I read His word...

My bible app for today on my phone says:  
It is out of Colossians  4: 5-6 -- Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. 

And God reminds me -- HE is at work, I may not  SEE it but to be diligent and WAIT on Him. 

I read and copied this quote from Ann Voskamp's blog by Neichelle Guidry : 

If you are going to seek the kingdom of God - you must overcome your addiction to comfort. 

Whoa...powerful statement and thought. 

Then I get a note from my Time Hop App and it reminds me of the verse -- do not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up...

It is so easy for me to get addicted to WHAT I think and believe should happen and transpire.

It is so easy for me to get addicted to WANTING to see something change or move in the manner and time in which I BELIEVE it should transpire. 

How silly of me. 
And as I have had 2 whole days of being by myself  -- summer vacation -- I mean, Brendan is here, but I no longer have to change diapers...watch certain TV shows.... cart a child to practice or be on time for my 2nd job -- I tend to have more time to think and pray and well...


I asked God for forgiveness, as I wanted that situation/person (s) fixed 2 weeks ago and I guess, to be most honestly -- I was believing a lie that HE was not hearing me. 

The Holy Spirit is so sweet and He took me to several places today and reminded me of nights where I would fall asleep with my bible on my chest -- just waiting for a new day - hoping that my miracle would arrive the NEXT day.

And God is so tender and full of mercy that as I stopped and thought about the past two days - He has been prompting my hubby to be the most sweetest man on the planet -- doing stuff and thinking about stuff that he never used to --   as the Holy Spirit reminds me, people DO change. 

And God still does miracles. 
My heart and head still aches for this situation /person (s) ....as I know I have been called to stand in the gap for it/them..... 

But, tonight, HE reminded me that I am not to give up and that HE still thinks I am #1 in His book.  

It really does not matter whom I am speaking about or the what --   my point here this eve -- is that God is the Savior and the fixer and....we can still believe that HE will move mountains that look very bleak and hopeless. 

God is moving within this mess --
God is moving within me --
And guess what --
I blogged. 

Amen. 

- humbled - Michelle