Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Random thoughts - not a RANDOM God

double amen

God evening....

It has been over 2 weeks since I have blogged.  I felt I had WRITERS Block.  Truth be told.... I just was not getting something worth sharing.  

My life has been good - busy with wrapping up the end of the 9 weeks at school, HP has had a little more playing time for FAU...and TP's team was 2nd runner up for District and then went onto win at their SECTIONAL match and now back to REGIONALS...but they have to play a team that has already 'killed' them. can never count their chickens before they are hatched.  

Each AM I would ask God and then look at my computer - what am I to blog about - HE has kept me quiet.   I have been  battling a viral something, but believe that I am at the END of it!  I also burned my hands - badly, but praise God I know they are healing faster than normal! of my brothers got an I phone - I have BEEN so tickled as  he has been FACE timing me or BP almost EVERY day - WHAT a joy.  I don't feel the need to fly home at Thanksgiving...  I love technology!   

So...Random thoughts...  but GOD is never Random.
This am, He reminded me of scripture in Habakkuk.  Habakkuk 3. 17-18  to be exact.  

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,  and there are no grapes on the vines: even though the olive crop fails, and the field lie empty and barren: even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in  the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation.  The Sovereign Lord is my strength!  

I remember when this verse was FIRST spoken to me and given to me as a piece of advice or WORD from a counselor to me.  

And  I remember - I did not receive it.  I could hardly understand it.  But the bottom line was -- Jesus had to be ENOUGH...  JESUS had to be IT.  

Is Jesus enough?  

He is NOW for me....  it took a LONG time to understand that and realize it.  However...when one does realize it -- that Jesus and WHAT HE did and HOW we can do ALL things through HIM that strengthens us...

Life does not get 'easier' ...but there is purpose, joy, and a WANTING to continue to grow closer to HIM.  

God is not Random.  

If you are reading this - it is not  'just because'.  It is because you are being DRAWN into - closer to HIM.  HE wants you to experience this VERY same thing.....

It is very hard and yet SO simple....  but it takes a leap of faith - get out of that boat and walk with Jesus - you will never regret it.  

Lord - I am unsure as to WHOM had to read this tonight - but...remind them...that no matter what... they are WORTH everything to  YOU much that YOU sent Your Son.  Lord, I pray they will take the plunge, and believe that YOU are enough.  amen.  

- humbled...and grateful to a GOD who can take my random thoughts and update --- and bring it full circle to a reminder -- that nothing is RANDOM and that the scripture  GOD  reminded me of one of HIS  promises!  Amen.  
And Lord.... I am feeling a burden again to say a prayer again for ALL of the marriages around me.... I pray they will find just ONE more day and SEEK YOU for EVERY decision....  amen.

Monday, October 13, 2014

The Story of Marriage - Planning.

I believe.  We believe.  Our Father has faith in us.

Do you believe that God can make ALL things new?  

Can he bring forth a love between two people that displays and shows others WHAT HE intended for marriage?  

Is WHAT we see on TV and on the movies for real?  Is that what marriages are to look like?  

What is God's purpose for marriage?  

What does the STORY of your marriage say about HIS grace and mercy?  

Is your marriage alive and healthy in HIM?  

"If we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently" Romans 8.25

Wouldn't it be nice to be a part of something that encourages both men and women to see that marriage is not a MOLD that confines them.  Wouldn't it be awesome to believe everyone has the creative license to design their marriage as best suits their individual needs and divine purpose.  

 How will you write YOUR story?  

  •  - Because we live in a day when there is so much divorce and distractions, many are afraid to even begin their stories. what you have seen - NEED not define what lies before you.

  • - Because there are those who feel trapped in the middle of a chapter they don't like, don't close the book on your marriage - turn the page with HIS help.  

  • - Because there are countless couples that believed their  love story would never end, only to discover the pages have been abruptly torn from their divorce..addiction...or death -- YOUR story is NOT over!  

  • - Because volumes COULD be written about all the different types and problems ... and yet - each one story can be so different ....that maybe OUR story can help inspire another. 

  • - Because Jesus still thinks marriage is a story worth telling - IT Is HIS framework for how He loves us.  

  • - Because we dare you to dream again -- Come with us -- John and Lisa Bevere 

I am unsure how God will lead my blog for the next few weeks and months.  Again, I write when HE leads -- as time is so precious and words are few.  It is NOT worth reading if it does not encourage or inspire another to seek HIM.

I pray our story continues to grow -- I believe in marriage!

"The Story of Marriage"  by Lisa and John Bevere -- A DVD Series at His Church - Its Jesus' CHurch
Coming soon --

Sunday, October 12, 2014

The Story of Marriage

There are several women around me that are married.  I am married.

 My husband and I have been praying and getting ready to help 'host' a marriage series at our church.   I am so excited.  I am practically giddy doing some planning with a few others and then--

The Enemy sets in.

Since Thursday, I have been 'fighting'  every sort of silly thought and word that has come to my ears.  My poor husband has been fussed at -- much.  Maybe only 1/4 of the fussing was deserved -- LOL -- I literally felt my flesh LOOKING for something to 'nag' about. NOT good.

He even said to me, "are you looking for a fight?".

It dawned on me -- the enemy WAS attacking the VERY thing that was getting me excited.  That marriage series.   As I would plan, something  of  him would drive me crazy and ever so slowly, the enemy sneaks in.  But I recognized it.   Now, that DOES NOT make the attack disappear right away -- it just makes me aware and in prayer!

And I apologized on Friday and today to my husband!

 I have had the ENTIRE weekend to myself.  I have been battling, physically,  with a weird cough that finally got the best of me on Friday and a sweet Doctor prescribed me some  medicine.  So today was spent napping, taking medicine and then reading and watching the TV.

  And thinking....And talking to God.    It has been a glorious day - in between the coughing spells where I felt my guts would be puked up and then sweet comforts from the Holy Spirit and blessings.

 ( One sweet blessing:  Hunter started his FAU soccer game this eve and finished -- a FIRST  for him.  Lately I have been praying that he would SEEK God about his soccer career, as this season he has not had much playing time. I am believing and praying that he will   seek God about his next decisions.  And well, he played this eve.  THAT blessed me, even if I could not watch it - he was in Virginia.  But I got a text, thankxx mummzy!)

  My man went to the SWAMP which  kept the house even more quiet cause we are empty nesters.

In pondering something and while in prayer for a sister in Christ, I was guided to a journal.

  I happened to grab a journal of mine and did some 'old' reading.  Now with that physical cough nagging me, and it  is also that TIME of the month-- I am WELL aware of my emotions and hormones. Therefore,  I was careful when I was pulled to this one journal but I believe the Lord, led me to read it -- to remind of something.

As I said, there are several married woman around me.  Several in tough marriages, several in marriages that are in crisis and others that are just dead.  And yet...there are some thriving  that need some 'tweeks' here and there.  NOTHING is perfect.  My own marriage is a work in progress.  We tease each other now that we are in the 2nd half...the better half... and I agree, but it is a daily thing.  A daily thing  to choose to be a 'better' person.  A daily thing to look to GOD for the needs being met and to SEEK HIM for guidance  to be an encourager and not the 'holy spirit' of my spouse.

My daughter came to pick up her puppy a few minutes ago and she reminded me of the verses in Corinthians about unconditional love and she read me a devotional post about WHAT love looks like.

It quickly put the past 4 days into perspective.  And, God reminded me of that journal.

Love covers a multitude of sins.  Love does not envy.  Love is not proud, jealous and it does not rejoice in the injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.   Love never gives up.  Love does not lose faith and endures.

The journal is my talking to God - writing notes to HIM.  I have journaled for years.   Right after my husband and I separated, I had a burning party.  And I burned up 14+ years of journals - it was a hasty decision and yet a good one.  I did not wANT to go backwards and be able to read  the 'hurts' that I had written about for the few years prior to our separation.  A marriage just does not 'fall apart' in one day.  It is a slow fade....and so often there is an incident that forces a separation or a major infraction  but the hurt has been brewing  - slowly - baking for a long time!!   ( Therefore it will take TIME to get it changed around.)  

I digressed,  that journal was   from October through  December of several years ago.  It was during the last month of our, six month,  separation and the first  two months into our 'reconciliation' period where therapy started.  Therapy that we paid for - literally - professional weekly therapy.    This is the real personal part.   And I am not rewriting this or sharing cause I want to drag up old stuff -- but God showed me a powerful insight.  And I believe there is a woman that needs to read this tonight and know, that there is always HOPE.

And,  I did not read those pages to recall any hurts  -- on purpose.   I was in prayer for a few couples and I believe HE took me to that journal to remind me and give me some empathy and yet HOPE.

But, as I read those pages where I would come home from therapy and chronically detail the conversations and what "he said" and then my reactions to  "I could not believe he said that"......
Well, it was very clear -- we are a walking miracle.  However, throughout the pages, I would cry out to God and say.."please ..I can't take it anymore -- I can't pray for a miracle one more time.." and I would end that entry with – “I will keep my focus on YOU Lord. “ 

Then I would read another  entry a few days later and I was doing the EXACT same thing, "I can't take it anymore".  Over time,  I noticed how my pleads to God began to change, and I was taking ownership of how I needed to change and what I needed to do -- I needed to FOCUS on GOD and not my husband.

 I read one entry, shortly after Thanksgiving,  where I pushed my husband to say IT. Again.   And he did.  He said, "I don't love you. I don't want to be here with you. I don't believe I ever loved you” Now, maybe  I should not have  shared  that - but up until then, it was usually implied or only said within therapy or when he was fighting mad and it never really SANK in.... and yet on that day, I can tell in my entry that it made my eyes open.

 And my next words to God were, "that is it... I can't live with ALL of my love and devotion being poured into another human...a has to be YOU Lord...that is FIRST, period and end of story."    

And then, as I wrote more, the Holy Spirit was speaking to me and comforting me and I wrote something very profound.  I wrote, " I don't believe it Lord, Yes...I have placed him as an idol before You but now I understand that You are to be first, but I don't believe he does not love me and our family.  As if he didn’t , he would of left us years ago...he would NOT be in our home now, and he would NOT be so torn up about 'what to do'."  And I wrote to myself "...that is YOU speaking to me - isn't it God? "  And I believe I heard – “yes it is! “ 

“I think it is important to note that the enemy lies – constantly.  If it is not noteworthy, praiseworthy, kind, good --  then it is NOT from God and it is NOT to be taken personally”.

I noticed the entries after that -- were  hard to read.  Several of them were too sloppy but, others were very brief.   I would state the yuck of the day, but  then I would end the days events with a positive.  In reading back, there was more good and hope.  I know now, I just survived each day and continued to fight in prayer.   I made a conscience decision to follow HIS Word and believe in a miracle.  Faith.  And there were constant reminders from two ladies that were standing in the gap for me.  Praying.   And I continued to seek godly counsel and went to my church family for fellowship on a regular basis.   And I sought  prayer too.  Several entries were just, "God I am believing that tomorrow will be better – but if you want to come back to earth while I sleep, I will see you in the light.  LOL".  

  And there were several copies of  emails and entries where I was just bombarding my husband with the thoughts that he SHOULD act on and so forth.    In fact, I laughed today as I read them, but  one particular day, I sent him 3 different emails on the same day.  EAch of them, as I read them now, poured out my heart, but NOW I realize that he just read them as YUCK.  And ... GUILT.  As he has told others, "when you are in sin and not in a relationship with God, you lie, you justify and you allow the enemy to skew the perspective. And you don't listen to any God stuff - you can't."    The day after I sent those 3 emails, my entry is:  " I hear you Lord, I must SHUT up and leave YOU to do YOUR is NOT my job to change his heart and mind -- THAT is yours!"  I am so sorry.  Help me to keep quiet and TRUST YOU. God, I must keep quiet.  I see where I am doing more harm."  

And as I read that journal and the three months of thoughts -- I thanked God that now...I have heard my husband tell others, " I looked at her in therapy and told her I never loved her and I was so wrong, and look at where we are today.  God can heal your marriage.  I love her more today than I ever have and I know I was being deceived by the enemy.” 

So, why did I feel the need to share this?  
I believe someone reading this needs to know -there is HOPE.

I believe a woman needs to know that GOD can be trusted and if you are married and in a marriage that is in crisis right now ..... there is HOPE.  God can restore.  It takes time and work, but God does hate divorce.

There is a beautiful young mom, that is trying to wait it out as he - her husband - continues to lie, steal, and destroy any hope and I confess, I am praying that God removes him  -- she and the children deserve a new start, but financially it is tough but I know that God will redeem each tear she has shed.   And I have cried to God -- what piece is missing??? -- answer her please.  And God reminded me ....  she is the one that must walk this out.  I have promised to stand in the gap and pray.

There is another that is not married and she is desperate to be reconciled  with a past relationship and yet.... she knows that God is probably showing her that this person is not HIS best for is still a struggle.  It hurts.    There were soul ties and as I read my journal I was reminded that ...HE will give us our DAILY bread...ONE day at a time.   I know of another, and she is trying her best to live each day without the 'satisfaction' or approval of a man ...married or not married...Jesus has to be the ONLY one that fills our needs and cravings.  We can't rely and depend on another man -- we, as women, must be whole and healthy in our relationship with our Lord -- then we can be a good friend and possible help meet for another.  

 My 'restoration' period or the AWKWARD years as our kids call them...lasted almost 2 years.  Nothing seems to be a QUICK fix.  We get quick stuff ONLY at McDonalds.  So maybe this blog entry will encourage her that -- it will take time.

I believe there is more to just 'finding' the right guy -- first there has to be a total dependence on Jesus and have the Holy Spirit within our power to walk each day in that knowledge of WHOM we are in Christ.  

I am not quite sure HOW God will use this blog this eve.    HE totally reminded me of the miracle HE did through us in our marriage. HE reminded me that HE will meet each and every need - that I can't focus on another human to meet the cravings that I have -- that HE will use my husband to teach me HOW much HE loves me...but to practice that unconditional love towards him.  

God also reminded me of many marriages that need HIM first.  Each person needs that salvation and grace of that personal relationship with HIM before they can even begin to work on that marriage.   The enemy continues to steal, kill, and destroy families and he is working BIG time around us.  

Lord, as my sweet hubby and I continue to pray and believe that this upcoming marriage series will be a catalyst for several marriages to move beyond the crisis point to WHAT HE intended -- the BEST Story of their lives.  I believe we are creating a story with our Lives...Lord...may YOUR glory shine through it.  May this blog be protected, that it would not bring hurt or cause pain but that it would shed LIGHT among the darkness.  My husband and I are healed and there is no blame or malice or 'fault' felt between the two of us.  WE accept our responsibility and we know -- YOU allowed this Lord for this time… that we may help another -- believe that YOU win and their marriage CAN be a beautiful and healthy marriage - that shared YOUR light in the darkness.  amen.  

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Life is HARD!

  I needed a reminder this evening and went to a post I wrote back in April of 2014.  

I am sharing again.  ( I updated it a bit.) 

I have something to share.
Life is NOT easy.

I have prayed with many women.  Some have become closer.  Some are transient.   Some have rejected what God has said through me.  Others are in my life for a season and then God moves them.   Some become so dear to me because I am able to see GOD move within their lives and I am watching changes occur.

Many have had some sort of pain or struggle and are searching and seeking GOD for answers.

Often I will say this...."even when my husband and I were separated - it was very hard and I wanted our family whole, but the TRUE 'harder' part came after he moved back home.  THEN the restoration began and the counsel started and THAT was really the harder part".

It just is.

But God is faithful. God heals.  God gives us the 'sustaining' power when we are in the middle of a season or crisis of faith.

Many times the reason for the crisis is just me.   So you may be in a PIT.   I mean -- I have put myself into a PIT, other times we are dumped into a PIT and still ...sometimes the PIT we slide into is just life.  Getting out of that PIT is the HARDER work.

Getting OUT of that PIT is HIS best work...HE brings beauty out of the ashes.

 As you come OUT of that PIT - what does it look like?

1.  It looks like  - being a part of a church family that will love on you and pray with you and stand in the gap and help you believe in miracles.
2.  It looks like --  seeking  godly counsel.    Come UNDER the authority of a Pastor(s)  that will be your shepherd.  Seek a bible study or a Home group/Life Group  when other women can come along side of you and help.
3.  It looks like  - time alone in your bible, reading Psalms and the gospels over and over until the words are taken into your heart and bring life.
4.  It looks like  - taping scripture verses of life all over your mirror or your door frame  before you walk out to work and then memorize those verses and claim them.
5.  It looks like - time on your knees in  prayer - giving honor and thanks to our Heavenly Father for ALL the good that HAS come, and stating WHAT is asked for- In Jesus name.
4.  It looks like - red eyes at times......maybe sitting in front of the TV watching a classic Disney movie to take your mind off of your troubles.....maybe it means that YOU get up off the couch and look for someone else to pour into -- or maybe it means that you seriously consider some professional counsel.

** IT really may mean...SEEK professional counsel!   
*** Really - don't use the excuse that you can't afford it -- THIS is Your life!   There are many Christian counselors, therapists, and life coaches -- seek a godly one.  God will provide!  

5.  It looks like - a song - celebration - putting on some LOUD praise and worship music and giving yourself time to let the words wash over your spirit and speak to you ...and then singing and singing that song or chorus over and over and over again - whenever the enemy attacks.
6.  Sometimes- for me -it meant punching a punching bag at the  situation that I was mad at and many times -- it ended up that I was mad at God or myself....but each time, HE forgave me.

7.  It looks  different for EACH person.

 But...YOU can figure it out -- YOU can come out of that PIT!

If you love Jesus - Satan hates you.
Marriages are constantly being attacked.
The Enemy hates you - he is a liar! 

Why does it seem that 'others' have it easier?   Maybe we need to look a bit deeper into those lives....Satan does not have to attack those that already serve him.

Consequences of actions  - sometimes don't go away, but they can be dealt with and acknowledged.

Feelings will be expressed but we should not walk out our faith in our 'feelings'...but in our FAITH.

Addictions can sometimes ONLY be addressed -- when the person afflicted finally WANTS to seek help.

Sometimes a death must come about -- for life.  

And finally -- the PAIN won't kill you .....walking in faith and walking out restoration of a marriage...or restoration of a life....or transitioning to a new position that GOD has called you to....may feel weird and awkward for a bit....but YOU can overcome!

1 Corinthians 13 says...
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

THIS is the LOVE that God has for us...and we are to Share and SHOW that love to others....

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

IF you have accepted Christ then you are saved.  Many get saved and remain a 'baby' in Christ.  Now as you grow ...God is asking you and I to RISE up and be more of a toddler...a young adult...and learn -- SEEK HIM and believe that HIS plans are to help us  - not to harm.  

I wrote this today -- cause there are a few women that I am thinking of but I am so sure there are a few more that read this blog that needed to hear this too.....

I do believe that many times we want a QUICK fix - we come to church, seek a prayer and expect a quick answer and ALL will be AOK and back to normal.  But that is not how it works 90% of the time.....I believe that many times, we give up or give in RIGHT before the blessing was to come.  

I remember 'debating' with God many nights..."if you will do this....then I will.....".  It was a reoccurring and common dialogue with HIM.  However, after several weeks of that and being in church and relearning HIS word -- I knew that when I began to debate with my Heavenly Father, I could now hear myself say, "ya...I know...YOU have to trust me Lord to love you even in the next sad matter what...I must praise YOU".  And I believe God's timing was LONG...but it was really contingent upon my heart...and my head...and my obedience to surrender.   

So -  

Don't give up -- if you are praying for an unsaved spouse - GOD is at work - your prayers for that spouse are being heard.  

Don't give up -- if you are praying for a family member that is - at this moment - allowing the spirit of addiction to overcome, then YOU can intercede and proclaim healing even when it looks hopeless.  Nothing is impossible with God.  

Don't give up -- if you are not spending time reading God's word and placing the ARMOR of God around you -- then, these attacks are going to feel like they will overcome you - but YOU are the OVERCOMER.  YOU are the head and not the tail....GOD wants you to rise up and claim your healing, acknowledge ALL that HE has already done and believe that HE is still at work.  

Don't give up -- for the one suffering a major loss....GOD is RIGHT there with you and HE does understand.  

Don't give up -- for the one contemplating divorce  -- make sure GOD has released you.  I will say this, every time I would utter the words out of my mouth, "God, please end this...just end my pain and let me move on".....God would have the right person in front of me to remind me of HIS call to me.   God was very clear in giving me instructions.  I could not deny it.  I knew that I knew .....I was to fight for my marriage.  And when I wanted to quit -- it was usually  my Pastor stating, "chell, did God tell you it was ok to quit?", and each time I had to look at him and say - "NO."  

As I said, many times we all say, 'God's timing' ...but I have come to the conclusion we have MORE to do with that it is our hearts that must change and THEN HE can do the work on the other party, or the circumstance, or whatever!  

So with that - I pray now that whom ever was to read this today -- I pray you will get the encouragement you needed to PRESS on...and wait on HIM and believe that as you WALK OUT your HARD part -- there will be joy in the morning....God knows.  Amen.  

By the way -- Kerrie Roberts has a song - 'No matter what'...Find it - sing it 10x. today. 
Mercy Me has the song ' Beautiful ' - find it - sing it, believe it.  

God is telling you -- YOU WERE made for so much more -- hang on!   - humbled, michelle 

Friday, October 3, 2014

My Grandma - Mary Ellen

This is Mary Ellen Peirick.
My Grandma.
 I know I wrote about her before -- probably around my birthday -- I think when she turned 90, but this evening I could not find that blog post.

Monday we got an email, she was having some trouble.
Tuesday the decision for Hospice.
She is 92.  They gave her oxygen and it seemed to help.
She began to eat again.
Today it is known, she has Pneumonia and again....we just don't know.
One of my brothers went to see her today and he said, she seemed in good spirits.
She has dementia and it is in its last stage -- she is not recognizing her daughters - the ones she sees daily and she has not remembered 'me' for some years now, but each visit I get -- I still feel like I did when I was a kid ....Grandma always seemed to make it better!

I have two videos on my phone of her talking and smiling.  I think I have watched them at least 10x this evening.  And then the flood of memories begin.

My earliest memory?     I remember being at her house after Kindergarten or maybe even before that, and being in the back seat of her maroon station wagon as she picked up my uncles from the Jr. High.

I remember going with her to Bacher's she would deliver eggs.
I remember sitting on her basement steps and listening to her and my mom share the latest gossip and stuff and she would stand there at the table and buff her eggs.

I remember being little and being in the chicken coop and getting FREAKED out as Grandpa grabbed a chicken and chopped its head off - and then I had to help pull feathers.

I remember being laid out on her kitchen table.  I was 4.  I was on the back of my Uncle's bike and stuck my ankle into the spokes and I remember her standing over me with this BIG knife and my mom wrapping up my ankle as my Aunt picked me up and carried me to the car and the drive to the ER.

I remember bologna sandwiches at her cutting board with ketchup.

I remember walking up to her house while my dad was in the barn milking and going to the basement to use the bathroom or play in the toys.

I remember going upstairs in those rooms and being fascinated with ALL the closets and the STUFF that was in them.

I remember the little kids doll house/playroom upstairs that had a cardboard ceiling and we would write stuff on the walls  - or try to read what our uncles had placed there.

I remember taking naps up stairs with my Aunt -- she must of been babysitting me.

I LOVED the Easter Egg hunts when my Aunt Laurie would visit from Maryland and all the kids would be at Grandmas and I would pray that my dad would forget I was there and head home without me so I could stay and play with my 'city' cousins.    ( He did forget - once in awhile. )

I remember Grandma having an orchard and picking apples.
I remember her garden -- it was a MEGA Garden.  It had to be at least 100 yards long -- ok, well, maybe 45...

I remember siting with her outside on the porch and eating raw peas from the fields.

I remember her ironing.

I remember her sitting in that rocking chair with a baby on her lap.

I remember her hot dish....  I miss that.
I remember her Monster cookies and WARM applesauce.

I remember her teaching me how to make Christmas 'STAALLLIN'  and THAT is how she said it.
I remember how she would say , 'jur-nellly'...  'jur-nelly I would do this'.....

I remember her cooking.
I remember her house on a HOT summer day before A/C and how the shades would be pulled, the fans in the windows and it always smelled SO good.

I remember  visiting her and Grandpa in the summers after I had my own kids and the visits were always sweet.

I stayed at her house only a handful of times in my 47 years....the last time was in 2009.  My son and I stayed one night.  It was sweet.

I remember sitting with her in her basement and decorating some 8 gingerbread houses one Thanksgiving and we just chatted.

I remember her telling stories about the Boogie man.

There is SO much more -- really -- I am going to post this on our Family Page and pray that the other Grand kids share their memories .....

Lord -- I am so grateful and thankful that you have allowed me to learn MUCH from this women and  I pray that she sleeps well this eve.  May her home going be peaceful and full of love and if Your will would be Lord to let her stay here on earth a bit longer -- then I thank you and I will thank you ahead of time for our NEXT visit.  
Lord,  I am humbled.  Time is short. 
I don't believe I will have a legacy of some 60+ great grandchildren....but I pray that my life is impacting my Grandma did to me....
I continue to pray I speak life into another child as I teach and love on my own nieces and nephews and grandchildren one day.  
Lord,  I pray YOUR glory is revealed.  Thank you - for this walk down memory lane.  Bless her this eve.  
And I pray for my Aunties ...who are 'feeling' the brunt of her care right now and making decisions...may they too - have peace beyond all understanding in this time.  In Jesus name, Amen.  


  These are the hands of my Grandma - Grandma Africa...Grandma Ziemann.   ( Actually, she is Brendan's Grandmother.)   I wrote a post about her back in April 2011.  She has been in heaven for some time now -- over 2 years -- but I got a BIG blessing going back and reading this post this eve.   

As 'my' Grandma -- my Paternal Grandma - Mary Ellen lives far away - in Wisconsin.  She was such a part of my life as a child -- I was so thankful to enjoy Brendan's Grandma as she lived in Florida.  
Tonight, I am remembering my Grandma's -- Joyce, my maternal Grandmother, passed away some 18+ years ago - maybe even 19.  But my Grandma Peirick has been such a ROCK and solid fixture within our lives for so long -- it would be hard to imagine her going to heaven too.  However,  it appears that her physical body is failing and  I wish I could sit and hold her hands this evening too.  

In honor of this Grandma -- this is a report from 2011.  

Those hands. Each morning, I am able to run to Circle K, get coffee and take it to Grma Africa. She is not 'really' my grandmother, but I claim her. She is really Brendan's grandma. My own grandma, the only one I have left is in Wisconsin and very well, for which I am thankful. This grandma, took a fall almost a month ago and has begun nursing home life. I keep telling her each day - to get stronger so she can walk on home, but she just smiles and says things like,"that is a good idea".

She will usually ask me once or twice, "so where were you going?"

" I came to see you Grandma." "oh" "Well, where were you going before you came here?"

" I was headed to school."

Each morning, I find her in a different position. Some mornings alert and others not so alert. I will say that today - she seemed her most alert. She wanted to hold her coffee cup and guide it to her mouth, but really can't hold it by herself.

I will ask her how she slept. What she had for lunch or supper the day before, and I ask her if she is in pain. By then, she will ask me again, "so where are you going". Some days the confusion is a little more.

Some days I try and ask her about Africa - this is a woman who spent over 30 years there as a missionary with her husband. She taught school, ran the Women's Ministries and made dinner for the President of the country -- and now, she needs me to hold her head up and let her sip some coffee.

By the way, I don't even love coffee. It took me 2-3 cups /trials before I got the right taste for her and the right amount of ice cubes so that she could drink it when I got there. And I was not sure she was remembering that I did this until this am when she said, "hey, I missed you yesterday". I did not have the heart to tell her that I had 'skipped' both Friday, Saturday, and Sunday as there was just too many things that got my attention instead. AFter she said that today - you can bet I won't let a day go past without taking her the coffee.

House Blend. No cream or sugar. Only get 1/2 a cup, add 4 ice cubes from soda machine. Buy it - $1.60 ( I tired to ask the clerk to charge me for a 1/2 cup, but he did not agree.) Then proceed to the Nursing/Rehab Place next to the hospital. Walk in the front door and then wake her up.

I added my routine, just in case I was unable to do this one day -- you could fill in.

Anyway, I say I bring her coffee ..and yet, she brings me so much more.

To rub her head, brush the hair out of her eyes and see into thoe gray /blue eyes and to see this 93 year old body fight to cough or sit up. ... is not only heartwarming, but, it is therpy for me.

I mean - I know I get more from her than she gets from me.

Today, I felt as if God was speaking directly through her with HIS eyes and HE reminded me that no matter what, she was my grandma. No matter what. No matter what, I would always have family and 'this' was my family. No matter what, I was in HIS will and HE was so proud of me - HE esteemed me. You see - why wouldn't I take her coffee each morning when God is right there with her and my spirit communes with hers.

That is a blessing.

So, why the photo of her hands? Today, I just really noticed how small they had become, how pretty they were - all with the veins and all, but also, how she would just pat my hands as she waited for another sip .. it just blessed me so.

So, I encourage anyone with a grandma .. .enjoy them . .take them coffee . . do what you can to enjoy their wisdom, their love, and let then bless you in ways you probably never even imagined.

I love you Grandma!

Grandma, this verse spoke to me .. .you labored for our Lord - thank you.

1 Corn 15.58

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing more you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord, is NOT in vain.