Saturday, October 31, 2015

My nephew - Blake. It will be 7 years since his heaven going... in 2008 - tomorrow!

This is Blake -- aka - BLAKER!


Blake was 17 when he traveled to heaven on the 1st of November in 2008.   This photo is  him, I believe the summer before he met Jesus.  That smile is contagious!  
This photo is how I remember him the most -- with those glasses and those cheezzee smiles -- !



He was a big part of our lives for MANY years -- 17 to be exact.  He was not my son - but my nephew but he was mine.  He stayed at my house many  nights -- I cleaned up after him, gave him baths, picked his ears cleaned and cut those toe nails more than he would of liked.  I also 'babysat him'  -- it really was not babysitting - it was just watching over a kid that was mine too.  

I watched him grow, I watched him learn how to walk and then talk.  I  tried my best to teach him to read as he was in my first grade class, and I had to admit he needed special attention when it came to learning. I fought to have him in a regular classroom and enjoyed watching him finally flourish when he got with Mrs. K and Mrs. Hawthrone and others!  

  I chased him many times down the hallway at Central Elementary School cause he got spooked by something and he had such a stubborn streak.  I teased the heck out of him and loved him even more. I would dance with him and make him sing silly songs.  I was also the one that cleaned him up after many accidents.   I sat and prayed when he got so sick many times and I was with him when he had his first seizure.  I slept with him in his hospital bed on his first night in Okeechobee cause he had pneumonia. 
I decorated cookies with him, I shared food with him and I watched him grow - I watched him get a zit too.  I teased him incessantly at times - times to frustration but he loved it.  I watched him love each and every cousin and enjoy their 'toy' time until that cousin grew past his love of toys and I cried and cried the night his mother told me that the doctors felt he would not live to be an adult.  He was always with a smile on his face.  He loved movies and toys and he loved people.  He never judged and he always, always, always......had your back.  He was indeed a special young man.  

Now, he has an awesome mom too - she did ALL those things with him and more -- and God gave her the BEST son she could have and she loved like none other -- I may of been his Aunt, but everyone knew that Jeanette was his mom - he adored her.  
It is so nice now to think back, God gave him the dad he always wanted in Craig and Blake still had hope in his real dad.  God gave him  a love for dogs and blessed him with a Dad that loved dogs as well.  God gave Craig a gift too, the last 3 weeks of Blake's life were spent with Craig cause he was in a transition period and I know that God gave Blake that time as a gift too!  

 Blake loved to hang out and God gave him many friends and cousins that filled his last years here on earth.  He loved school to begin with and then school became such a struggle and yet, in his final years - school was a blessing to him.  He loved his High School buddies and clubs and classes!   God kept him an innocent and pure young man and he met Jesus with a pure heart!  There was never any malice or sin within that kid -- he truly was a special young boy.  

I don't believe he sits or stands in heaven now and watches us.  I totally believe that he has no real concept of time there with Jesus and that is so perfect and content that he has no worries.  

I don't believe he needs to contact us -- but there are still ones here that need him.  

I believe I will meet him again - Revelation states in 21 "Then I saw "a new heaven and a new earth," for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away and there was no longer any sea. He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.  The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light and the Lamb is its lamp.....

Those words, HE will wipe away every tear....that is why I don't believe Blake looks down upon me anymore - HE is with Jesus.  I believe we have no real concept of HOW wonderful HEAVEN is and how there is no care and no worry there.   

I have to believe that HEAVEN is THAT wonderful that we won't cry - it is hard to imagine, as humans here...we can only fathom what we see....

 Blake HATED Halloween and  on the 1st of November, 2008, he went to heaven.
 On the 1st of November ...his FAVORITE day. 

 It was always his favorite cause it was the DAY AFTER Halloween. He hated Halloween.  I laughed with God on today...God hates Halloween too -- really -- it is a celebration of 'dead'.  No matter how we 'sugar coat it' or make light of it -- it is a day of evil and its origins are something we all have to make peace with.  

 Hey ...no judgement here......My kids dressed up and we trick or treated and LOVED every moment of it -- until Blake hated it.  But, Blake got over his fears of costumes and the decorations as he got older.  He sort of got 'used to it'.  When I thought of that -- I thought about how many of us 'get used to sin' too....

Lord, forgive me.  Help me see sin for what sin is -- help me to be holy - cause YOU are holy but help me to SHOW love as YOU do ..YOU did...

I think I mourning  Blake's passing again in a different way, cause I am different.  I believe I hurt more...and I live more now.   I have freedom to be myself.  I have security in God.  My heart this eve is for the loss - the loss of him meeting Jacob, Taylor's husband.  The loss of him traveling with us to see gators or perhaps one of the soccer games that Hunter used to play in.  Even the loss of him sitting at the computer at the Ins. office - paying a video game. 

It still hurts -- it just gets different. 

I can mourn the loss of a child....not for the last time.  I am pretty sure the pain of losing a child never really goes away -- it just gets different.  

My sister said the BEST words to me on the 31st  some years ago -- she sent me a text, "I know you hurt inside too...I luv u.  Thank you for being his "favorite aunt".:)" 

That blessed me so.  

Blake, I don't believe you can hear me this eve -- cause I do believe in heaven-- and I believe that Jesus has looked you in your eyes and has shown you how BLESSED you made others by the life you led and THAT is what brings you the MOST joy now....

But if you could hear me -- I would say----- I love you and I miss you - bunches. 
  And I would tell you that  I miss hearing  'awe, Auntie MECHellllleee'  and I would sit on the couch and watch Texas Walker Ranger with you and I would  tease you about something.... probably the fact that Taylor is now married and what prospects did he have in her future plan?? 

- love you - Aunt Michelle 


  
  
 

Prayers for Marriage #3

The Holy Spirit confirmed to me today that I needed to update and recheck these prayers for marriage which I began to write back in 2013.   

The Institution of Marriage is being attacked - all over.  Why not?  Satan is at work. 
Forgiveness is a very important and primary topic. 

Forgiveness does not mean that you agree with the hurt.
Forgiveness does not make everything A OK from that moment on.
Forgiveness may not even 'feel' better ...for some time... but forgiveness is scriptural.

Forgiveness is SO hard.  It does not happen in a  flash - I mean, you can say "I forgive you"  but God oh God...it takes a daily refreshing and restating over and over...to walk in that forgiveness and believe that you really have forgiven the one that hurt you.

I still have to 'forgive' and pray for my husband and other people  at times.  I still say a prayer and ask God...'have I forgiven ?'   It is hard -- but I will say this -- it continues to get LESS and LESS.

Now each time that happens, I ask myself .."do I need to seek forgiveness from another?"

The Enemy gets  silenced sooner and most times now,  he only reminds me of our hurt by a trigger of some sort.

But...whether your husband ( or wife ) betrayed your vows...
Or whether he or she has betrayed you with some sexual impurity...
Or there was  a death of some sort that you must forgive their participation in...
Or he has just NOT been what you needed...
Or if he does not love God and continually hurts  you...
Or...
Or...
Or......WHATEVER it was.....

Your spouse does deserve  forgiveness -- if they are repentant....God has forgiven them.

HE forgave me.

I understand now why the Holy Spirit spoke up to me and asked me to revisit and UPdate these prayers.  As my forgiveness 'quota' has changed.  No...that is not what I am trying to say.  My heart has changed. 

In a big way. 

People will tell you to forgive but you never forget.  I have had 'forgetness'.....  Is that a word.  It is very new....  and I am holding it private for a bit, but if you see me - I will share. 

But I know that I know -- the triggers will get less and less and to a minimum to where the triggers won't trigger.  Period.  And I tell you what -- it is a revelation. 

If you have heard Joyce Meyer's testimony, she speaks of how her dad abused her sexually for years.  You know, he died in his house ..the house she bought for him and he lived right next door.  You can read her testimony ....but that is some BIG 'forgetness'....    It can happen.  I am just letting you know -- it takes time.   Time, God time.  But... it can happen. 



That is one of the hardest concepts to understand or even relate on paper, but I knew that I knew -- no matter what my husband---was to be forgiven.

As....I KNEW...WHAT I did...to my Lord -- my sins put HIM on that cross.  HE went and took that for me.

THAT is the hard part to relate, when one person really LOVES Jesus...and understands WHAT HE did for us..for me...for you...YOU want to forgive like HE forgave you...Like HE forgave me.

Pure and simple.  
It will take time...You should seek godly counsel and probably professional counsel .....but forgiveness will FREE you...

But please note -- if you are in a relationship where you are being hurt - physically or tormented ...YOU need to get OUT of that ...and pray for your spouse, but eventually you will have to forgive that behavior as well -- in HIS time.

BAck to the prayer for today --- it is short...


LORD, am I holding unforgivness?  Lord, help me to forgive the hurt.  I declare that the enemy won't use the hurt of ____________________ against me nor my spouse anymore.  Lord, I want to know you so well, that I would understand this powerful mystery of forgiveness and Lord, please know, I thank you for forgiving me of MY sins...if there is anything I need to confess - speak to me clearly and show me my own sin...Oh Lord, I thank you for forgiving me and I am going to claim now, this evening that I forgive my husband for __________________ and I am asking You Lord to walk with me in these next 37 more days.....I want to see a miracle in my marriage...I need YOU to come in and get us BOTH out of this pit - and I want to testify that YOU win and that YOU were the one that restored and redeemed us.  Amen.  

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

...the SANDY factor --

Sandy is a lady that taught me something.  

The FIRST SANDY is my mom. She has taught me MANY things...from how to sew on a button  to how to darn a sock.  YeS....I can darn a sock!  And My MOM is probably the BEST cheerleader I have.  I have blogged about my MOM before --and I love her dearly, but this post is about another Sandy.  

The SANDY FACTOR refers to another Sandy. Sandy #2.  

Let me explain.  In my pain and pathetic state almost five  years  ago, I would drag my  butt to church and each Sunday walk up for prayer, cry, break down, and believe  THAT God was going to heal and restore my family.  It became a regular thing.  I was pathetic....I grabbed at the people who were showing me hope.   Some Sundays I just could not walk back to my pew and stayed sitting there on the first row - sobbing.  I just did not want to look backwards at anyone.   One Sunday, in January, just after Christmas, the Enemy really lied.  That morning he continued to tell me that I did not need to go forward...nothing was changing... I could pray from my pew.. people were sick of me walking up there, crying and looking all pathetic.  And I believed the Enemy.  I did. 

I sat in my pew, head down, tears falling out of my eyes and just asked God again,   .....why?.......
Sandy is in Red and her husband is right behind her! 
After only a few moments, a beautiful lady came up to me, put her arm around me and said,  "Your name is Michelle right?".  And I looked up at her through my blurry eyes, and shook my head yes.  I had no words.  And she said, "you don't know me, but I know you.  I have been praying for you for months, my name is Sandy and I am here to tell you that God loves you and HE is going to heal your marriage".  I just melted.  She was mom, grandma, and best friend all wrapped into one and she had such a belief that it could happen.  She ENCOURAGED me.  She helped me hold on, one more day.  She spoke LIFE into my weary heart.  

The next weekend came and again, I sat in my pew and she joined me and prayed.  The next---I went forward but would not actually go up for prayer and she came to me.  Again... The Sandy Factor.  Everytime I saw her, she just held me and prayed and believed that my husband was a good man and that God was dealing with him and that he would be the man I needed him to be.  Her hope, her hopefullness was contagious.  The Sandy Factor.  That particular winter, she and her husband stayed almost 4 months and I know...that was just GOD being sweet to me.  

She continued to pray,  she'd call me and then I began to meet with her at a cell group each Tuedsay.  We prayed often, I cried when she went back 'home'  later in that spring season  and I looked forward to her winter visit again.  She  never met my husband,  then, but had prayed for him for over a year... can you believe that?  She is ...being Jesus to me.  That was God. 

  She returned that next winter and 'stuff' was changing within my household as we had moved  and we met for prayer often but she did not meet my husband that winter.  She met him the next.... and WOW was it a cool thing.   

I  had coined it ...'the SANDY Factor'.

 I want to be  a SANDY  to others...   In the years since, God has given me many  opportunities to SPEAK life into other women and be SANDY to them. 

  And today....as I prayed with a sweet sister in Christ, I reminded her that ONE day...she and HER HUSBAND would be doing the EXACT thing to another couple...that THAT is what God does.  

 If HE allows such a crisis, HE trusts us enough to pull through stronger and so in LOVE with HIM, that HE can use us...not necessarily 'rehash' the pain...but to ENCOURAGE!  

The Past is the past, praise God.  Another friend said to me today, "when I see you and your family ..the yuck DOES not even register...it is like it NEVER happened".  Wow - that touched me.  

That is what HIS people see in others that serve Him...we SEE the new creations...we don't SEE the past.  God - that was SUCH healing today. 

Lord,  bless the original Sandy right now, thank you for her love for you and her new friends.   Bless her Lord, - as she is my  mom and she GAVE me LIFE with YOU..and she speaks life into many ...the 9 children with their spouses and then the 25+ grands...Lord, I pray right now that the Sandy #1 will  realize and understand the love to WHICH -- the path that YOU are....THAT you are indeed God, Savior and Holy Spirit...Lord, I thank you for my mom...And God I pray for Sandy #2 -I ask you to touch her in a mighty way.  I pay you will have our paths cross again. 

God I thank you for using her - to teach me HOW to speak life into others..how to be that encourager...and Lord, I have to say -- I have said and done a few PRETTY crazy things...like believe so badly  and tell another to 'hold off on divorce papers'  when it certainly SEEMS like it won't work....but yet...it does..and it did.   Again and I will publically thank YOU Lord for the eyes that have been opened in the traveling Texas couple. -- GOD - THAT Could ONLY be you. And Lord for the other women that I hold before you and for my own child and her marriage.... Lord, I want to speak life all the time.  I wish to be SANDY to others...all the time. 

Lord, continue to bring others in to my path and heart, I know I grow weary at times..but GOD -- what a Jesus High to see HOW you work and especially with this one and the reversal of destiny...God, You used the pain of another to heal me...and I went deeper in my healing... I went further...and I am thankful for it.     I thank you for the blessing it is, to pray with another and SEE it answered -- God that JOY ...it is unsinkable...

I love you Lord, Thanks. 

 humbled, MIchelle

I want what you want Lord... Matthew 6.33.


When has God used you to be 'sandy' to another?  Please share it with me...if you would like... make a comment!  Thanks.

Desperate Prayer #13 - Compassion. Proverbs 28

Lord, it is simple - I need more compassion for the lost.  I have to remember that YOU are the one that saves and it is not 'up to' me. 

Lord, I need a very real reminder -- that no matter what --- I can trust You.  Actually Lord, I KNOW I can trust you..... I just needed to remind myself that some stuff...takes...time.  YOUR time. 

So in the mean time, I  will have God time. 

Lord, Proverbs 28. 10 says that He who leads the upright along an evil path will fall into his own trap.  God, thank you -- as that is a promise...that Satan will fall. 

Lord, I pray that I never lead one down that path....as the women you bring to me to pray with and meet with...as the couples that Bren and I meet with and pray with ....Oh Lord, cover us  - that we NEVER lead them down the wrong path.  May each and every word be judged against YOUR Word. 

Lord, it says that he who is blameless will receive a good inheritance.  Lord, for the women leaders and men leaders in our church family...in other church families.. may they walk in that 'blamelessness' and receive that good inheritance. 

Lord, Proverbs 28. 12 says that he who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy -- OH LORD...show mercy on Me... and the ones I love. 

Lord, it also says in Proverbs 28.9 that if anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable....  

God I take comfort in knowing that You will not answer the prayers of those who disobey You and reject Your Word.  Lord, that our prayers would be effective ...but that is only if we lived by Your standards.  Lord, I pray that those around me who live with a part of the world's standards and 'what they believe they deserve'.... are not mistaken for too much long...OPEN their eyes...may they see that HIS grace is sufficient.... but Lord, when we harden our hearts and purposefully disobey... 

Help....  Lord, prayer without a love for YOUR Word is a false plea.... or a declaration or insult to You.. 

Lord, Proverbs 28.23 says that he who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.....  Lord, that I would always speak truth..and not sugar coat it so it makes another 'feel' better..... God, I pray that as I speak THAT truth...I have the compassion...that is needed as if I don't speak with Love... what have I gained...nothing...

Lord, I need compassion - more please... more compassion for those I want to smack upside their heads... Lord, I need compassion ...help me do as my mom taught me...if I have nothing NICE to say ...to say nothing at all.  

Lord, help me to not be prideful in my private thoughts about others whom I feel ... are missing the mark.  Lord, again - I need compassion for them.  

Lord, why it is so much easier to extend grace to total strangers and yet..not those I love the most so close?   Lord...  I need some examples in your scriptures... I need to get this figured out ...I need to extend MORE of your grace... forgive me Lord.  

Lord, in Proverbs 28.26 reminds me that if I trust in myself...I am a fool...Lord, that I trust ONLY in Your Word... 

Lord thank you...Lord for the couples that Bren and I prayed for and with today -- for the women that I cried with today,  loved on today ... and prayed with today... Lord - cover them... cover my weakness and for my special one... the one that is HEAVY on my heart.... orchestate our next meeting..orchestrate our conversation and open her eyes...  as I know and believe YOUR Word will not return void.

IN Jesus name...amen.  

This is my niece, she was in the ER tonight -- I texted a prayer and at the end, I wrote IN Jesus name but the auto spell wrote, IN Jesus' navel....we laughed and laughed and I know HE laughed too.  Modern technology - being able to text a prayer and a share a photo across 1400 miles. 

And... I just HAD to share this photo -- October is almost over -- and the awareness for Breast Cancer has been shared and many a pink was worn, but a few years ago, I found this on a T-shirt and it makes me smile all the time.  I believe that God gave us the cures for many cancers and such ...but the doctors and research people that were to discover those ideas were aborted -- however, I also believe in a mighty God that HE will always...heal... here or in heaven.  Cancer does suck and I don't wish it on anyone and I pray that no one near me - had to deal with it ever... amen.  In Jesus' navel... 
 

Monday, October 26, 2015

Desperate Prayers #12

  The 'call' to write desperate prayers is from my heart.  

There are many very close to me that I am asking God--- to show them miracles...to heal.... to comfort... and yet, I ask God for my own self and family as well.  And then there are the prayers where -- it is short and sweet... Like Lord... help me find my glasses and HE does...   

If you have a relationshoip with HIM and YOU are  in right standing before him...then HE hears your desperate and 'simple' prayers.   And...  I pray that you are praying with out ceasing....  

God's Word -- mixed into our prayers is POWER...   power to heal...power to sustain...and power that moves mountains...   
Here is a prayer that I consistently refer to and add to -- 

It is out of Ephesians....  

It is God's Word that heals us....  it is God...  


 Lord,  this prayer is for my family and me.  I have not stopped thanking God for 
Brendan , Hunter and Taylor and me    . . . I pray for them  constantly, 17 asking  you God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give Brendan   spiritual wisdom[f] and insight so that he  might grow in the  knowledge of  YOU, God. 18 I pray that his  heart will be flooded with light so that he can understand the confident hope YOU have given to those you  call—MY  holy people who are rich and in  glorious inheritance.[g]



Lord, I pray to you and ask that you give me spiritual wisdom.... that you give Taylor spiritual wisdom and that you give Hunter spiritual wisdom and that you give Jake spiritual wisdom.....  and insight so that they all may grow in the knowledge of you -- 


 19 I also pray that Brendan will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him.   I pray that Taylor would understand the incredible greatness of YOUR power... I pray that Hunter would understand the incredible greatness of YOU God... and that Jake would understand the incredible greatness of Your power...

God - I NEED to understand it -- OH Lord, I fail short, but I know that I know - I am believing and standing in the gap for several  this week ...and I believe that YOU will work out everything in Your time, as they are seeking YOU ...they are humbled...and repentant...and they WANT Your glory to be a light within them....  and in turn -- the desires of their hearts ...will be fulfilled... as that is what you do.....  

This is the same mighty power 20 that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. 21 Now he is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else—not only in this world but also in the world to come.

YOU are that great power and mighty ruler....   You have given me the Holy Spirit... that is whom raised Jesus from the dead...   so -- be gone satan...be gone doubt...be gone and be rid of evil thoughts... YOU are bond Satan and you have NO authority over me...my family... my extended circle.. my extended family ...my workplace... I declare that HE reigns here...

22 God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church. 23 And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with him.  Lord, may we all   be a part of that body, may we understand that we are  loved. 

And God... my words are few... praying within my Spirit directly to you -- 

alkdjfalkdf;alskdjfal;skdjfl;askdjflkalkjhalsdhlhhlllslkahdflakdsflkjaldkfjasldfjasd;lfjsd  

And believing that EACH and every name I called out to you today - will received a word from you, a peace beyond all understanding and Lord...throw some bones...  IN Jesus name.  
Amen.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

THE POWER that sustains.... the Holy Spirit --

I want to share  something that is VERY hard to explain.....

Here is some scripture :

2 Timothy 3: 16-17 says All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. 

1 Corinthians 12.1 says  'now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I do not want you to be ignorant' 

1 Corinthians 1. 6-7 says 'you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed' 

Luke 3.16 says 'John answered the, all, " I baptize you with water, but one who is more powerful than I will come, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to unite.  He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.'

John 1. 32- 34 says 'Then John gave his testimony: " I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him. And I myself did not know him, but the one who sent me to baptize with water told me, 'the man on whom you see the Spirit come down and remain is the one who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.' I have seen and I testify that this is God's Chosen One." 

I am speaking about the POWER   -- the power that sustained me.
I believe that POWER was the difference.


I posted this post 2 years ago.  I believe I need to post it again -- updated just a tad bit --



I thank God for the ministering and mentoring possibilities HE brings to me.  I know I am an encourager and I SOUGHT out much encouragement when I was in the middle of a crisis of belief and heartache  within my immediate  family.  When I stop and speak, or write, I reflect and the enemy loves to remind me HOW long we were in that pain or how I  was ...or we were in turmoil  but so OUT Of fellowship with our Lord.    ( the enemy does that - he is a LIAR )

So I battle, and take those thoughts captive and believe HIS word and HIS promises.

But I will stop and ask myself -- "how did I do it Lord?"
 And I quickly remind myself or whomever I spoke to -- " I didn't -- HE did it through me...I did it through HIM "

And one of the main reasons I did overcome was because I had some EXTRA power.

 I had a power tool within my reach -- that power was a blessing and it DID sustain me.

This is a literal illustration but if I had to cut a forest of trees down, and I had a saw, I could do the job.  But if I had a POWER tool - an ELECTRIC saw - just think of HOW much faster I would get the job done.   

Sometimes we are SO full of hurt or SO full of  discouragement   that we just don't want to open our bibles nor even pray or think -- THAT is when I could stop, pray in my prayer language,  and know that know -- I WAS speaking DIRECTLY to the Father and the enemy had NO clue.  Amen.


I am referring to my prayer language -- I am referring to speaking/praying  in tongues.  I am speaking of the grace gift that God has for us. 

I believe that if you are struggling and trying to hold on, perhaps you are ready for this Power ...the Power of the Holy Spirit it  is needed.

God is raising a generation of women -- we are like the lioness' arising.  We are SO powerful and our swords are our words ...HIS words...OUR sword is the word of God.

We need to know it - live it, breathe it in and speak it out.

God's word shows me that HIS gift of the baptism of the Holy Spirit ...is HIS gift to me.
We ALL receive the Holy Spirit upon conversion or salvation  -- that is not what I am speaking of.
Being baptized in the Holy Spirit is separate and distinct  -- different from receiving the Holy Spirit at salvation.


Personally, I was raised Catholic and my priest told me that speaking in tongues was a way to help explain what transpired after the death of Christ.  He told me it does not happen today and that if it did - it would be for the priests.

I had asked, I inquired.   I was 17.

I went to church with my boyfriend - Brendan.  I heard some people pray out loud and it sounded weird.  It scared me.  Therefore I had already set my heart against it.

 I will remember one Sunday School lesson where it was discussed and praise God the teacher stated, "you don't have to be baptized in the Holy Spirit to go to heaven".  Relief -- I was 20.

In the mean time, I heard some people pray it more privately.  I asked questions of Brendan and his Grandparents and had it 'figured out'.

From age 21-35 various people at church would preach about it.  I ignored it - it still felt 'freaky'. I got too busy -- it was not needed in my opinion.

Brendan and I never discussed it.

 By the age of 36 - I became MORE aware of many things.  We were pretty involved in a wonderful church where the baptism of the holy spirit was not welcome.  In fact, it became a topic that had to be defended.   Brendan began to talk about it - conversations started.  He wanted it so I wanted it,  but in my own head - I was still afraid of it.   My uncle was diagnosed with cancer and all of a sudden  prayer became a focal point.

Skip to age 39 - this  was a time in my life when God was beginning to change me.

The enemy so deceived my husband, in hindsight I see a man that tried within his 'humanness' to seek God but the enemy won out each time, thus, deception and lies are believed.

In many lonely walks and countless  talks with God, I was 'given' a phrase a sentence.  It did not make sense.  I never spoke of it to my husband -- the enemy has such a wall between us then.  I did not tell anyone but repeating it over and over brought comfort.  I paid closer attention now to preachers on TV  and I read lots of books or articles on the subject.  And I asked God, "did I have my prayer language?".  But I had no idea if I did -- looking back, yes I did, God had baptized me in that prayer language but I was too weak ...too scared.... and to much of a baby in Christ to understand it and I did  not have anyone around me to disciple me. Oh God had put people there - but I couldn't see them.  I was blind.

Even though at that time -- I was attending church... But let me say it again  -- I  had many around me that could of helped me understand but the enemy had me so closed off and ALONE and isolated - even though I was a youth leader, I lead a bible study or two and I prayed often.

That was my idol of pride .....at that time I had things so figured out - I was so blind!
I also had a spirit of religion where I felt I knew what I was suppose to do and I did it.

Sometime in there,  I witnessed my daughter research it, seek it and get her prayer language and she was so excited ...so full of HIM she came home to share and within her speaking about it, our son read the material and was baptized in it instantly.  I had both kids speaking in their prayer language and I had to admit -- IT WAS real  ....and I went to the bedroom where my depressed husband was and I shared with him and he could not even look at me.

In hindsight, I understand why - he was so hard to anything of God and that was such conviction.  I had no idea what my husband  was stuck in  ....I just thought he was in a major depression and mid-life crisis.  But how sweet of God, giving that gift  to my children as God  knew that within a few short years ...my children would NEED that as the hurricane had not HIT us yet.  I was 42.

It is hard to capture 10 years worth of feelings  in a blog that I try to keep brief -- but, I needed to say all that so that you  can understand the fear I had and the resistance I had to being baptized in the Holy Spirit.

...Until I was 44.  I believe THAT is when I truly OPENED the eyes HE gave me.  I had too - I was desperate.  I sought out a friend,  and his wife and as we prayed together-God opened my eyes and I realized I had unforgiveness towards so many -- but who could blame me, I had been betrayed!

 He asked me if I had a prayer language and  I explained, and then he asked if he could pray for me in that prayer language and I said OF course! As he prayed, like I said, God opened my spiritual eyes and in my head,  and showed me that I had this mistrust and unforgiveness and that I needed to forgive him-- my friend ---- and so ---I forgave him and as those words came out of my mouth....my prayer language spit out in front of me.  I say spit out in front of me but it burst out - and it was real and I knew it and I freaked out cause I knew I did not put those words into my mouth.

He quickly  told me to continue to speak it out.  "Fan it into flames"  AS I know now, that is so important when one receives their prayer language because the enemy hates it and quickly whispers - THAT is not real.  But I knew it was real and I just had to jump up and praise God.

 From that point on -- I knew I could  rely on praying in my prayer language -- cause after that, there were many many many countless and sleepless nights where I just had NO more words but I wanted to speak to God and pray for the people in my life ....my family...I wanted restoration and I wanted redemption and I wanted my family - to be quite honest - I wanted my husband saved. Period.

THAT is the POWER that sustained me.
THAT is the power I rely on now to continue to fight the enemy.
THAT is the difference -- I believe in some of us getting our healing faster than others......
THAT is what I believe makes the difference.

Peter denied Jesus 3x while they were persecuting our Lord, and yet, after repenting and receiving the Baptism of the Holy Spirit on the day of Pentecost, he had power and boldness to preach to the multitudes and over 3000 were born again.


Skip back to me at age 44. After that night of prayer in my friend's living room - God began to open my eyes like never before and thus began a process that took time, patience, and lots of love and therapy  so that by age 45....I REALLY could forgive the one person I felt was the blame and I realized that I had to FORGIVE God too...but that is another blog.  And I had to forgive myself and seek forgiveness....   Full circle.

I have always wanted to minister to people.   I feel. I want to be used by God.   I wanted to be the next Beth Moore once I heard her and realized WHAT she accomplishes through Christ.  But,  God did not make me Beth Moore...he made me Michelle.

 And yes,  I have been through a few trials and most recently my family,  has walked through the fire and we came out on the other side -- better, stronger, and finally FREE of so much bondage and strongholds.  Free of condemnation and shame, free of the lies that the enemy had convinced us all.   God allowed the hurt and betrayal  to pierce our family and so now -- many people believe I am some really GREAT prayer warrior or person that 'gets things done'.  One person even said I was remarkable ....I am not remarkable - I am HIS and if my words, or my actions help another to understand and realize that we all will face JESUS one day and give an account -- than praise God, I want to be used, I want the LOST saved.   One women even told me she needed me to pray for her grandson cause God hears me.....

God will hear her JUST a mightily but the enemy has her convinced her words are not good enough.  The enemy is a LIAR.

I am nothing without God.  I am nothing without Christ - HE is the one that healed.  HE is the one that restored -- I only grabbed onto the fringe of HIS garment and HUNG on for dear life.
I did hang on tight.
I did not give up.
I wanted to.  I asked God many many many nights to please release me -- to please let me just be DONE...but HE never did that.
 HE gave us His son -- so we can endure.


 I sought HIS word and the sword and when I just COULD not pray anymore...I spoke my prayers directly to GOD by using my prayer language. It was the power I needed.

It was no longer freaky.
It was real.

I am 49 today ....

This boldness is only from HIM.  My life verse it to let HIS light shine in me - like Beth Moore says, "there is NO high like a Jesus high"...to see another be SET free...to believe in miracles and to be a part of a church body/family that believes  GOD Can do anything is encouragement and life to me...life to my husband and children. 

BTW -- if you speak to him and get talking about God  -- he will tell you of THAT power too - and there is nothing more rewarding  than praying with your husband and hearing him claim life over you...bless you..and pray for you.   Hearing him ask me to pray for him, to keep another  in my prayers,  Etc. ETc.  THAT is what God intended.  THAT is  one of the reasons  He allowed  our  crisis of faith.

...So, I could write today and even if ONLY one person reads this and gets the urge to inquire about the Holy Spirit and want to have that -- prayer language...I am blessed and humbled.

 You can have that power too - HE promised it.

The baptism is a gift  received by faith.
We receive it by asking.
Have you already spoke it out -- that you would never get it??
Have you experienced it before so you are already freaked out?

 You can change that.

Start reading the book of Acts and Corinthians chapters 12-14 and Jesus will be more real to you and if you have READ to the bottom of this post -- I believe YOU want that power too.

Humbled.
- Michelle





If you read this and endured to the end  -- I believe God is giving you a reminder -- HE wins!

Monday, October 19, 2015

...the bottom line -- Desperate Prayers #11

Ephesians 6 - Msg bible

And that about wraps it up. God is strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well -made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way.  this is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours.  This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.  Vs.  10-12




I was reminded today  and through a movie I watched on Friday --

...if...then.... 

If my marriage does not turn around -- will I still  CALL upon God to be my Lord?
If my child is taken from me this evening....will I still CALL upon the Lord and believe HE is good?
If my cancer is not healed on THIS side of heaven...will I still believe the Lord is on my side?
If my boyfriend did father a child while we were on a break...will I still TRUST that God wants me to forgive and eventually marry this man?
If my job is taken from me and I end up having to move home...will I still believe GOD has great plans for me?
  

Big tough questions --

Habakkuk 3  NLT   vs. 17-19

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren:  even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD!  I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!  The Sovereign LORD is my strength!  He makes me as surefootted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.  

 Everyone is at a different point in their walk with God.  
Some don't even realize that the 'walk' they are walking is NOT of HIS....   

Does it take 30+ years to really get it?  I don't think so.  

No matter what -- the bottom line is -- WHAT Jesus did on that Cross - !!! 

When I stop and think about WHAT Jesus did and how my sin put Him there --   it can bring me to tears, it can bring me HOPE and it is what I 'see' when I want to get close to HIM.  Then I picture the vision I got when I went to my Encounter weekend ....or I look into the photos of my family and stop and count my blessings....

But no matter what -- it has to be Jesus and ONLY Jesus...   
We don't make business transactions with God.  

God ...if you do this..I will......    that is on TV so often -- 
 God is sovereign -- and even if a string of bad  events  and man's free will messes up our plans....  GOD will win.   


Lord, tonight - ONE just needs to see you at the Cross and remind himself or herself...  about WHAT you did and in spite of the circumstances....they will praise You.  IN Jesus Name.  
Lord, there is a family this eve that just heard their son, brother, and cousin just went to heaven - so quickly and so young.... Lord, ONLY You understand how they really feel - comfort. 
Lord, I pray the one reading this is  desperate enough to realize ...perhaps their  PRIDE is standing in the way.   Perhaps, they have closed their ears to what God really wants - not what 'appears' to be His will. 

Lord, empty me of me...fill me with YOU -- I don't claim to know it all -- I claim to KNOW You ...speak to me - show me, cleanse
me and heal me in every area -- amen. 
 

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Scenerio #6 -- it is HARD being a woman....


 Scenario #6 from the Esther Bible study: 

It is HARD being a woman who can balance passion with  patience.....

I speak.
I say what I think -- usually too quickly.
 Then, I am also 'delayed'...and can't think of the RIGHT come back or answer fast enough --

Yet ......later I can get this fabulous revelation but it is TOO late to go back and 'say it'.  

And at time, I find it very easy to speak God's word and pray His word, but sometimes I feel I am persecuted for it.    ( not like the persecuted church over seas...just my feelings get hurt ) 


In my passion -- I want GOD to win EACH and every time and I get mad at God at times...cause I want something to happen - right here and right now.    I  had to ask God to forgive me SEVERAL times in the past two weeks -- HE is showing me that in my passion...I am not being patient. 

I tell  God what to do a lot of the time.

 Yep... I mean...I mean well..."Lord, if you can do this than this will happen"....I find my prayers sounding like that when it seems pretty desperate and I am sitting with a new believer -- I WANT Jesus to come in  - take over in a supernatural way .....so BIG and BOLD that I want this new believer to be wowed....I feel an urgency -- like there is no time for ....the wait. 

When  true love is spoken, when HIS truth is revealed,   when God's word is read, scripture tells us - "it won't return void".

That gives me peace  and yet ---
 God's word or HIS truth  can land on rocky soil...the weeds can choke it out..etc. etc.

That is a reference to a parable.

I have to be careful and always remember to renew my mind -- with HIS word....HIS thoughts...

Thank goodness, it is so available to me - via phone and computer and just my plain old bible!

Proverbs 16.18 - says Pride goes before a fall.... our pride will do us in.  My pride will do me in.   God may allow one to be prideful for a season-- but it is for HIS purpose.

God's timing is always perfect.  As we walk with HIM, as we minister to,  and love the ones HE brings to us...  our passion for HIM can become overbearing....but I think it is also something that DRAWS one in.

I was drawn to those women who believed that my husband would have a turn about -- a 360.  I stayed away from the ones that spoke any doubt or spoke out what the world would 'say' was next...divorce.

I waited.  And I would love to say it was with patience -- but it was not.  It was a hard battle each night as I pleaded with God -- to END the suffering and just FIX it.  

I think of Esther, as she was told at first to wait and not share her ethnic heritage.  When it was 'time'...Mordecai reminded her --   

And then,  God had  Esther tell her King...'to wait'...just one more evening...which allowed God to awaken the King's eyes to the royal scrolls in which the news of Mordecai's heroism was told ---


And What about 'waiting on someone'.   It is SO hard waiting on another. 
Can you imagine Haman...waiting on his fate once the King had heard from Esther what was up...?

How much time passed in  between those verses in that Book?  

Remember waiting on that first baby to come....
Ever sit in a car dealership and wait and wait upon the salesperson to come back with the 'offer'?
What about waiting on a child - to come home...? 
Waiting to hear the words...."I love you".... can be some of the most painful rejection  -- to deal with.
Waiting on another is hard. 
Waiting on another to find Christ - is painful.
Waiting and watching one walk further and further away from God hurts too... 

But in the 'mean time'...it is GOD's time. 
So while we wait -- in that passion - enact the patience we were given and wait.

While it is God time...GOD is not inactive.  God is at work.  It just takes time.  HIS time.

"The Lord waits..blessed are those who wait for Him."  ESV  Isa. 30.18


Anyway,

Lord, this eve -- may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my mind...be acceptable to you -- I almost have that memorized - that is from Psalms 19. 14
Lord, as the lives I speak  into --  may those words be of YOUR voice - may they run and call You as their source of strength and power and Lord, may they understand  Your great grace and mercy.  God that they would be BOLD enough to speak of you - to worship you and to tell others of you and WAIT on YOUR in the God time.  Lord, for anyone walking with you daily that has passion and needs more patience -- bless them Lord. Speak to them and show them -- may there be no pride.  

God, I want MORE people being obedient to You and fighting for YOUR will.  It is tough being a woman - but I am certainly MOST pleased you made me exactly as I am.....Lord, use me -- amen.



PS  Did you know that there are over 5000 different manuscripts of the New Testament which all support and say the SAME stuff as the bible?   And there are over 500 witnesses at the time of Christ's death that can refute the manuscripts written in Corinthians... 500 witnesses that could dispute the fact that Christ was raised from the dead -- but they didn't. And, the more I think of it...I stand amazed.  There are only 70 copies of Iliad by Homer  -- which is taught in colleges as literature.....

So, why do people avoid reading the bible -- cause  it is truth.. and some are not ready for the truth.
Yikes.

Lord, I pray they will be ready one day - before it is too late!

Monday, October 12, 2015

God's Grace -- Desperate Prayers #10

Dear Lord, a sweet friend reminded me this evening of Grace. 

She reminded me Lord, that I should ---  pray Your -  God’s perfect will according to  Your - His word.

 Lord, we know what Your  perfect will is because of Your  word.

 However,  Lord, she reminded me that we must trust that--- even if YOU  allow certain  things to happen, that are not Your perfect will,  and that it will all work out for good.    Lord...  this ....is heartbreaking.  However, Lord, I will trust that the people involved within this desperate prayer -- are indeed Yours and that they  know Jesus and know where to find truth.    Lord, with natural consequences of sin and our own free will bought by grace,  this Christian life can be very messy. Lord, she believes  that  her  role is to pray for God’s perfect will, while at the same time trusting You  that whatever You allow to happen is indeed happening because You are  allowing it.

She reminded me Lord... that ... No devil in hell can stop - You,  God. YOU  are in ultimate control.  The enemy definitely uses confusion and our emotions to get us off track, but God -- You are always on track and always ahead of the game. And she reminded me....
Remember Michelle Pritchard, God Wins! It may appear that He is losing this battle, but He knows what we don’t know.
 Number one rule: Trust God     

                 He’s got this whole thing.

 Thank goodness, right? We sure can’t fix it!!!! What a mess! But He makes great things out of messes. Sit in peace, my friend. He knows what He is doing.  I love the way He works the devil.

I keep being reminded in my spirit of people that I have prayed for a physical healing, that eventually died. Did the devil win? Did God not hear my prayers? Did God not have His will done? Was I off? Or was the person too far gone?
I know in these circumstances that God did in fact win.  He is still on the throne. Through death and life, He wins. He wins over sin. He wins over our choices and emotions. God wins. He is not depending on any of us to do the next right thing, in order to win. He wins, because He is God.

Some Christians will choose to live an obedient/submissive life and experience the victory with God as He wins on this Earth. Most will not.
But He loves us anyway. And that is what grace is for. I’m learning a lot about grace;)
I love you.

Lord, thank you for my friend.  I praise You  God for her, to remind me and place a perspective within me that was lacking.  Lord, I think about the Grace you gave me.... 38+ years.  I stop and make a list of ALL the stuff ...I did NOT get caught at....and yet - YOU knew and yet, YOU still drew me close....

Lord, I stop and think about all the wrong choices I made -- and there was not FB to remind me of it over and over....

Lord, there is a spirit of complacency within our world right now.  It is easy to just say, "I just want to be happy"....Help me Lord, for the one that is desperate to be obedient....  and help me to Love the one that wants to just skid on by..... and YOU indeed -- are the one I trust.

  Lord, I know people are messy.  Lord, help me to be a light.  Lord, I don't want to FAIL at anything that YOU have instructed me to do.  Lord, I pray I don't become lukewarm.....that I am HOT or COLD but NOT lukewarm.

God I pray I extend mercy -- where it is needed and extend  grace as well --- 
Lord, forgive me for my 'passionate rant' with you over the past several days....
Teach me more Lord,   I need a supernatural healing -- quickly --

IN Jesus name....   I am humbled  - me

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Scenario #5 - It's hard being a woman...

...in the TIGHT fist of fear.

It is hard being a woman in the tight fist of fear.

In my own life -- it took me practically 30+ years to have my eyes opened  to a deeper relationship and love for my Savior.  Presently, I can't wait to be THE BRIDE of Christ -- but for those 38 years, the only bride I wanted to be was Brendan's.

When men would say, 'my beautiful bride'...or make a reference - I melted. I could not stand to read the gushy posts on FB about 'my husband'...or 'my wife'...as it was a too painful at times. 
Watching TV I was a sucker for every romantic movie where the husband adored the wife. When I saw PDA between a seasoned couple ...I would believe their lives were so perfect.  And I wanted that --

Reality --did that ever happen?  It sort of happened in the first 1/3 of our marriage but it was such a shallow devotion. 
I have seen  some couples as  I have lived now almost 50 years -- some very sweet and devoted couples ...but let's face it --

As a woman,  I bet most all of us have secretly  wanted the "Noah and Allie" relationship ...... from the movie ...the Notebook....  and then.....  they die together.    Real Love.  .......Right?

Real Love is what happened on that Cross -- right?

Six years ago, I sat under a dear friend and enjoyed, learned, cried, and participated in  the Esther Bible Study from  Beth Moore and LIfeway. 

This is the 5th Scenario that she teaches  and speaks about.    It is tough to be a woman in the tight fist of fear. 


Six years  ago, as I finished the homework for the week -- I wrote myself a letter.

 You see, I was so tired of smiling and thinking that everything was OK with my marriage.   I knew it was not - something was wrong and I had been convinced I was going crazy - it had to be me.   A person can just 'fake it' for so long.  I truly believed that a mid-life crisis had taken its toll.  We had just grown old and tired.  Both of us.  But I wanted to get it fixed! I wanted to get help and fix it -- but,  there has to be two people that actually want to work on a marriage.  Little did I know how much satan had attacked and left his angels around to destroy us both.

But anyway -- on this particular week, 6 years ago, I got the courage to write myself a letter.  I was not going to live in fear  and take courage in HIM.... I was not one mistake away -- but I knew I was one BRAVE decision away from my destiny.  

I had written my husband a letter in that week, basically asking him to confess whatever it was that was pulling us apart and we 'd get counsel, forgive, and move forward.  I told him I realized he was not in love with me, but that he was not in love with God right now either -- as we had totally disconnected ourselves from a community of believers.    My letter written to him, was about making a choice.  I was desperate.   He was to confess and/or get counsel  or his other choice was that he should move out and we would be separated.   A or B.  I went for a 10 mile walk and came home, after spending time with God and talking to a friend and when the time was right.....



I asked him, what was the choice?

????

And he said, " can I have plan C?".     There is much that transpired at that moment -- but, I was dumbfounded and by that time in my learning -- I knew that if God did not clearly tell me to move or do something else....then I was to HOLD steady with the 'last' thing God had told me to do.

God had told me to show grace and mercy to my husband.

So in God' time...I just waited.

Six years later, I marvel  as Beth tells about God's time... in the waiting...you wait on God.

Esther faced fear and she had a choice.  She had to overcome herself in order to do what God asked of her.
If she sought out the king and he did not hand her his golden scepter ...she would be killed.

If she did not speak up at 'such a time as this'...her entire people would be killed.

I repeated to myself, over and over --  Psalm 138.3 ...  God will finish what He started.

So, I just waited on God.

Now fast forward six years...to bible study a few weeks ago.

  Six years ago,  at  that time, I did not believe that God finished what He started.  What work was that?  ....That He created us both to be HIS and seek and follow Him.   I was growing closer to God but my husband was not --   I prayed God  would finish the work HE started ....and  I held on.

And as I waited .... I fell in love with God.  Just  me and my bible and godly counsel.  It had to be that way.

I had to grow in HIM and be filled with HIM so that a year later, when the GLASS house was shattered and my marriage fell and broke --  I had the  strength that I had when I wrote that letter in the year previous...and more, as now I knew that no matter what - God was  fighting for me and us.


And now -- God won.

We are six years from that desperate letter asking my husband to make choice A or B.
We are five years from  a phone call changed our lives. 
We are different now. 
We don't have a better marriage - we have a different marriage.
 We have a godly marriage with HIM at the center and at our core.  So therefore, we are having the time of our lives! 

So, I share ...and I share this too ---


In the past week, the Holy Spirit has been teaching me something and God has allowed something... I am going DEEPER in my healing and forgiveness -- I am.

I can see in others how Satan can use a 'godly' woman as a pawn.... and I have empathy and godly love for that woman.  I pray that she sees and repents......
It is easy when the person is a stranger.  

But  God asked me again, is there more forgiveness to give another?  

 I have never felt that the person who hurt me and my marriage was a pawn.  I just felt this person was seeking pleasure and it did not matter who was hurt in the cross fire. I had and have forgiven and we have moved on....but was God showing me this person in a new light?  

I remember the day I discovered a blog written by 2 women.  One of the women was the adulterer and the other was the one cheated on.  They have a ministry and reading both perspectives were quite interesting and unreal at the same time.  They both connected at church - each total strangers and built up this wonderful ministry to help others.  

That was Ok.  They were strangers.  

I have prayed and prayed for all the families that have been involved with us.  I have no malice or wish no harm.  I am quite satisfied and yet...I believe the Lord is asking me to go deeper --

I mean -- 'sin is pleasurable ' for a season.....


In the tight fist of fear -- what would I do in the future?
In the tight fist of hurt and pain...what would I of done?
Could I be the one .....that betrays my husband?


I think...that if I say ..."I would NEVER do that"....  well -- I believe I am being prideful.

I believe I need to have the mindset and realize ...all of us are just ONE brave decision away from our destiny...

But, I believe we can also just be ONE stupid decision away from sabotaging our future!

Thank you Lord for healing me and taking me deeper this week --
I believe we were all pawn's in the enemy's plan.  We took the bait  - but no longer.....
Lord, You know my secret prayer -- I will trust you.

And Lord, for anyone reading this -- I pray that it would bring an insight ...

That we make that one brave decision ...

Maybe that one brave decision is to WALK away from that married man and wait.
Maybe that one brave decision is to  turn the  child into law enforcement or a rehab so we don't have to plan a funeral .
Maybe that one brave decision is to pay that tithe - NO matter what!
Maybe that one brave decision is to ask the lawyer to file an extension and fight for the marriage.
Maybe that one brave decision is to GO to the doctor and have that lump tested....

I know this -- when I stand before God -- I want nothing to stand in my way.
That is a chiastic structure....    a reversal of destiny -- I believe in that.  It happened to me.

Thank you God.

My proof?

I know this wedding  would  never of happened ....if there had not been a reversal of destiny.  
Our daughter wrote us a most precious letter.  
It meant the world to both of us.   
I am so proud of the father my husband has been to our first born.  I am so proud to stand next to him and believe that God uses us.  

I think about how much one letter can make a difference -- those written words.  ...Now it is time for me to head to  my most important letter -- HIS love letter to us - the bible.  







Desperate Prayer #9

Have you ever hurt so badly that you thought the pain would never go away?   That it would be easier to die?

Or have you ever been so horribly hurt that you wished, or even prayed, that the person who had hurt you would just die?

Are you hurting?
Are you hurting ....emotionally, spiritually, psychologically?  Or do you have a mate, a child, a relative, or a friend who hurts?

What is the answer or the solution?  Are we condemned to hurt forever?   Can there be healing?

Yes.

In Jeremiah 8.21, Jeremiah's heart cries, "for the brokenness of the daughter of my people I am broken: I mourn, dismay ha taken hold of me."

 In Jeremiah 8.22 it says, "is there no balm in Gilead?  Is there no physician there?  When then has not the health of the daughter of my people been restored?"  

There is a balm in Gilead -- healing for every wound of the soul!



Tonight ...there are several women that I know, crawling into bed -- heartbroken and longing for an immediate fix -- their marriage is broken or it is not what she expected.    Some of these women have their husbands in the home -- yet he might as well be 40 miles away -- his heart is not holding her --  his heart is so hard and deceived .....
 Some are watching their men self destruct and run....
Some are hurting so bad from their own actions and sin and the shame is unbearable ....
Some are just longing for their husband to be the spiritual head of their home...
Some are wondering when the 'other shoe will fall'.....
Some are watching another woman tend to the children-- her children --her   broken family .... 
 Some still are wanting that true godly man that will pray with her,  encourage her, and have fun with her....

Some are hurting so -- 

This desperate prayer this eve is for EACH and every one of those women who are not 'seeing' anything change or getting fixed...right now.  

BUT -- I want to encourage them and just say -- GOD is holding you -- GOD's will is for your husband to be that godly father, godly man, and lover that HE designed him to be.  
God's will is for a family to be broken together and then rebuilt.  
God's will is not for divorce. 
God's will is for freedom and wholeness. 
The Holy Spirit and God ARE at work -- and the conviction is there - but as long as the enemy still has the 'ears'.....  we must wait on God!  

So...


Simple prayer -- HANG in there.  Keep busy -- read that bible and write love letters to your missing other half.  Write prayers for the children.  Write a note of apology to the woman that is being used as a PAWN by the enemy.  She will realize it -- she is being used by the enemy ..... as God's will is FOR the marriage - for a family to be whole.    It states in Proverbs  -- to be with the wife of your youth.... 

Simple prayer - HANG in there.  Pray for that wayward child, write letters to that child, and speak out - that child will come to understand the inheritance that has been set before them... God's will be done.  It is not God's will for a child to be living in habitual sin or in with a partner that is not God's destined plan.  

Simple prayer -- HANG in there....  the miracle could be JUST right around the corner.  

Simple prayer -- HANG in there ...true forgiveness of oneself and true forgiveness given is not spiteful and full of revenge nor...'see...this is what I can do now'.........  


Simple prayer - HANG in there....  allow God the time to work on those hard hearts.  

Many times,  we have a hard time understanding and realizing that WE are sinners too...and when we finally do - we can forgive properly.  

For that one that broke soul ties today -- from this day forward .... any time a thought comes into your head ...it is trespassing, rebuke Satan and remind yourself of WHO you are -- 

You are a daughter of the most high High God.  
You are the head and not the tail.  
God will restore what the locusts have taken....and my prayer and believe it will be with the 'original' one.... not the 2nd choice.  

For that one holding on so tight, she is afraid to let go....let go ONLY to God --  
For the one seeing what 'can't' happen...it CAN!  Kick that "T" out of there -- it CAN! 

Lord, thank you - keep me believing -- I want to see a BIG miracle today -- IN Jesus, name  - me

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Nothing is TOO difficult for me! - Desperate Prayer #8

BEHOLD, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is anything too difficult for me?    Jeremiah 32.27



Is anything  too difficult - NO!

I have seen a  broken heart healed.
I have seen a broken family restored.
I have watched a person that loved God harden his heart.
I have felt like really hurting another physically, yet God granted me mercy and kept me still.
I have felt the Holy Spirit tell me another would be healed and now the medical records agree! 
I  have been so panic struck  that I wanted to literally KILL something - and HE protected me.
I have been in situations where the Holy Spirit took over my voice box and I know that I know God spoke through me.
I have felt like the only hope was going to heaven......and He comforted.
I have been lied too - believed I was not good enough in God's eyes.
I believed lies cause I did not understand who I was in Christ.
I have seen miracles of healing happen right in front of my eyes.
I have seen women trust God and rebuke anti-anxiety medication and become free of pill!  
I have seen others release baggage from YEARS of pain and hurt and be set free.
I have prayed with a young woman and watched how God's grace and mercy overcame her - and she was able to forgive a man that abused her.
I have been forgiven and redeemed.
I have been adopted by God and my name is in the Lamb's book of life.

And most recently - I have seen how God used my own pain and circumstance to teach another to show grace and mercy and to forgive .....and it brought forth SO much blessing.   

I share all of that -- cause I realize that GOD can do anything....HE saved me.


Nothing is too difficult.

If you read my blogs, you know I often remind myself that I am so blessed.  And  humbled!!   God  has brought several  to me in the past few months that need to know -- GOD can do anything.
God did not save me -- for me to sit by idle and keep quiet.
God did not do a miracle within my family for me to sit by idle and keep quiet.
Satan will be defeated ...we ALL know he will be in the end, but until he is cast into that Lake of Fire -- he is doing everything within his power and with his 1/3 of the fallen angels to STEAL, KILL, and destroy.  If you don't believe this -- your head must be in the sand.  

I have said it before -- I think that sometimes, women give up and give in too soon.  Even men do this and divorce comes and many believe this is the better outcome.

From personal experience and LOTS of counsel -- the problems one is trying to get away from don't go away -- it will follow you -- satan is lying if he is telling you that 'things will be better with someone new'. 

I believe also, that when there is true forgiveness....there is no bitterness or malice or using the children to manipulate.  So many of us are so guilty of this.   It hurts.  I saw it again last night - on Dancing with the Stars...how a BackStreet boy is broken -- cause his family was /is broken.  

Our actions have consequences.  yes.   But our obedience brings rewards.  

God's will IS to restore.
God's will is for families to be whole.
God's will is for a marriage to be fixed, redeemed, and made new.

I personally don't believe that God 'releases' people.  Men or Women.  I know it says in the bible that "if adultery is committed....you are legal to divorce".

Poppy cock.  Believe me, I struggled  but God clearly told me - show grace and mercy.

And I got to thinking ....  So, yes, maybe you can't forgive something -- but the bible says that unforgiveness will keep you from heaven.

And what about all ones that maybe don't actually have 'sex' with another but lust over photos,  or maybe commit adultery within their hearts.  In God's eyes - THAT is still sin -- as 'big' as the one who actually had sex with another man's wife.  Furthermore,  if we are involved with a married man, even when they are on the road to divorce -- this is not HIS will as well.  If we are really listening to the Holy Spirit -- it will bear witness. 

I won't say it is 'easy'.  Restoration can only come when one has godly sorrow which leads to repentance and then....restoration and healing can come. And that free will thing in there. 

I hated free will.
I love free will.
I hate free will.
I love free will. 

One of the most important lessons the therapist reminded me of almost EACH time we met for over a year as we were doing the HARD part of reconciliation... is that... "do you want your husband to write you a note cause he wants to ...or cause you  quilted him in doing it?"  And I think of God.... for 38 years...I only had 'devotion' for HIM cause that was what I was suppose to do...not because I wanted to be HIS  Bride. 

Are you loving God that much?  Are you willing to be HIS Bride and not His date?  Affairs, porn...addiction...are all SYMPTOMS of greater problems -- period.  No one should say ...God did this. 

God does not bring you pill.
God does not provide the 'perfect' person to come into your life when your marriage is falling.
I don't believe God releases you from a marriage -- I believe God can bring beauty out of the ashes of your choices -- but there will be judgement with HIM at that Cross.  
God does not 'allow' young people to live together before they get married to TRY it out or share expenses.     There are consequences for all of our actions. 
God does not pour the drink.
God did not drive you to the clinic to have a quick fix because you had a 'rough' weekend and now there is a life inside of you.  

God did not 'hit' or slander you into doing something -- wrong.  
You did -- influenced by Satan - pure evil.  

Just stating facts.  

But PRAISE God - there is NO Condemnation in Christ Jesus.  
Fall to HIM...and then...the clean up can begin. 

And please,   I am NOT condemning....I realize that a miracle occurred within our family.  But in some families peace only comes when a mom and dad separate.  It is hard.  God can bring beauty out of those ashes.  I have seen it.

 Unfortunately, we can not control the free will of another.  Even God gave us Free will.

Free will sucks when you are a wife - desperate to 'save' a marriage.

However,  free will is  beautiful when that marriage is restored and the wife knows....he is back home and not because he was manipulated to do so -- because it was his free will to work at a marriage, to honor a commitment, and to seek God and HIS will.  

Life stinks.  We were not promised bliss -- we were promised much, but as the verse goes, it rains on the just and unjust -  - the bottom line is that
WHEN we are brokenhearted --when there is something missing within our lives -- when we have idols that fill our lives - the only proper thing that can FILL that missing part - ---
               the only proper person that can truly  heal us ---
the only way we can see and believe that Nothing is TOO difficult for God -- is IF we TRUST HIM.

Our trust has to be in God.

Jeremiah 17. 5-6 says:
Cursed is the one who trusts in man , who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord.  He will be like a bush in the wastelands, he will not see prosperity when it comes and he will dwell in the parched places of the desert.

Jeremiah 17. 7-8:
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be like a tree planted near water, he does not fear when fire comes and there are no worries of drought!

As my sister and my mom will say, "everyone has their own path and journey".  I on the other hand agree but I want to SPEED it up .....
I have 'healed pain'...which in some sense is wisdom.  I know it really took me a LONG time to understand that I did not trust God.  I had idols.  Many.  It took me a long time to understand that I COULD not depend on man ....or my flesh for strength as -- that died.  That idol had to be 'killed'.

It was only when I took that leap of faith and told my self OVER and OVER and OVER....that God was going to win.  God would take PERFECT care of me and God would make sure -- I was going to be fine.

Then...something changed.

How does this look like to the outside world?

You would of seen me writing down scripture  upon scripture verse  in my spiral in my purse.
You would of seen me alone in my bedroom, pacing and singing to the TOP of my lungs to some very specific Christian music that spoke life.
You would see me talking to God - often in my mirror -- even shaking my fist at God -- and then seeking HIS forgiveness as I was just trying to make some sense of stuff.  God knew I was mad at Him -- so speaking it and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak back at me......was therapy.
I did bible studies -- I totally recommend Kay Arthur's "heal my hurts".
I called a few Christian friends that let me vent and then they'd pray.
I would fall asleep with my bible tucked under my blanket.
I read and reread Psalms and wrote and wrote prayers for me, for my kids..and others.
I posted scripture on Facebook that SPOKE to me that day and soaked up any wisdom that my Christian sister's  would post on my wall.
I went to church - anytime the doors were open -- seeking prayer...worshiping...crying...and believing that stuff would eventually be ok.
I would pray and speak out WHAT I wanted from God and remind God of His promises to me.
I read book upon book - that spoke of God's promises and helped me deal with my hurt.
I kept busy.
I also paid attention to others that I could pray for  and encourage.


Why am I sharing all of this tonight -- ????

I am encouraging a new friend --
I am encouraging another  -- as when I sought help, reading WHAT other women of faith did....reading other 'success' stories....blessed me and gave me HOPE.

So I pray this blog Post this eve...gives that one HOPE.
I also pray it ministers to another -- God is THAT big.


He may of directed a TOTAL stranger to this sight -- I believe He restored me and redeemed us -- cause HE wants us to let others know -- NOTHING is too difficult for HIM!

Amen.




Humbled.
I love you Lord.
Michelle