Yesterday I told you of my son's house?? It caught on fire. Well, today I went with my husband-- thank goodness we have the ability to call a sub into our classrooms; then we headed to meet Hunter. He had a 9:30 presentation ( for college) in which he was to dress up; he went into class with literally the ONLY clothes he had. He noted the students just looked at him like, "what on earth is he walking in here with THAT on". -- The fire damage was contained -- to his room. He did the presentation, his professor commended him for coming in, and the other professors and people he had appointments with yesterday -were most gracious. And by the way God is so sweet; my prayer and worry was about his computer. His computer was spared. It smells like a fire -- but it works!
Thank you Lord, that all the boys ( his house mates -- one foot ball player and the rest are soccer players ) are well and good. They were not home when it started. It seems a lamp got too hot and was too close to some shirts that were hanging. The fire was contained on the lower floor of their rental home, but Hunter and Owen's room was totaled.
When we got to their house, Owen looked at both Brendan and I and said, "sorry". He felt so guilty. He was the one that moved the lamp into the closet ....but Hunter may of been the one to leave the light on. The house is old, there is faulty wiring and so each day they trek this floor lamp to the closet to see and get their clothes and then back to the bathroom to see, shower and get ready. They have been doing this for months. However, back to Owen, when we got to the house, Owen said 'sorry' -- and immediately we hugged and reminded him it was NOT his fault - it was an accident. It happens. We live about 90 minutes away from Hunter and by the time we got there to help 'clean up' and see what could be saved - God had this amazing soccer family already there and at work and everything was sorted and put out to the curb. Nothing is left.
Forgiveness. It was easy to extend. That time. Owen did nothing really wrong. And yet...he felt tremendous guilt.
We spent the day -focused shopping- and getting clothes for my son, calling the insurance adjuster and asking what would be covered, and then joined Owen and the that precious family for supper. Before we leave, Owen looks at me and says again, "sorry". And again, we remind him - it was not his fault. It was a page in their life history ...a charred page that smells of smoke and soot -- but it is not their life story.
By the end of the day - there were many jokes flying around the house and we were looking for the good. Our son is somewhat homeless but he has clothes and now we just need the house /room fixed and probably a bed. His mattress seemed to survive - but I am pretty sure it is full of smoke. Whether the homeowner fixes the old historic home or Hunter and his house mates have to find another house -- we will wait on God to clearly show Hunter the next move.
Yesterday that word of knowledge that the Holy Spirit gave me - "provision" -- that word was for me. God did provide. It is not fun spending money on stuff - but we have the ability to do that. My son is most grateful and humbled. In a quiet moment with him, I was able to remind him - THAT is what Jesus did - HE went to the cross when we did not deserve it. God provided.
Now back to that word -- Forgiveness. As I said -- THAT time it was easy.
Owen really never had to say sorry.
But what about THOSE that hurt us ...hurt me... and I want a sorry!
Or what about -- us? Maybe because of WHAT we have done and to WHOM we have hurt... we want forgiveness That can be harder.
Forgiveness ---
There have been several very HARD things or circumstances that I have had to seek forgiveness and give forgiveness.
It does not happen in a flash - I mean, you can say "I forgive you" and perhaps you feel that is all that is needed ----- but God oh God...sometimes, it takes a daily refreshing and restating over and over...to walk in that forgiveness and believe that you really have forgiven the one that hurt you.
I still have to forgive and pray for whomever has hurt me in the past. Satan loves to remind me of stuff.
However --
I find myself seeking forgiveness from God daily. Sometimes - hourly.
Most often now....I say something that is not right or maybe just TOO much and I seek forgiveness.
With God, I find myself asking His forgiveness because of my pride. Even when I don't think it is my pride -- OH LORD...HE shows me it is.
I still have those strongholds that were cast off try years ago, that sneak up on me, and I catch myself being that self-righteous and all knowing self - for which I seek forgiveness. Satan will not stop - his purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy. He tried to steal my heart, my marriage and my love for another and it was practically killed -- but God won. So now, he just continues to try and destroy.
On Monday night, when I got the news of Hunter and the fire -- my mind began to wonder and think about all of the possibilities and please don't think I am crazy but a battle began in my brain. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I just wanted to get to my son and hold him and I had to wait.... the fire trucks were outside of his home until 1am.... and the fire started about 8pm. When I got home from a volleyball game, I had already prayed but decided to stay home from school and drive to Boca to see Hunter yesterday, but in my quiet time ......I almost caught myself saying to God, "Lord....why are you allowing this -- the COST for this experience is going to set back MY house...MY plans to begin to build...and MY inconvenience. " It was only for a moment.....probably 4 seconds and the Holy Spirit in me reminded me that God is good. This was not about ME.
So, I share that ...why? Cause in my 'former life' -- before I truly fell in love with God and realize HIS character is good.....I would of blamed God for a good 24 hours and THEN seen the good. So, as I was blogging, I marveled at how much I have changed.
Monday night, I also reached out to my prayer warrior sisters and asked for prayer and yesterday and today -- many of them are being answered. Excellent. I have seen some beauty out of these ashes -- literally -- and there will be more. ( One such beauty - I get an extra day to shop with my son and he needed me. When your children are grown ....the times when they NEED you become less and less.)
OK -- so I also SOUGHT my Lord, and asked Him to forgive me for that moment of a pity party.... and thanked HIM for my son that was safe. As my sister reminded me - HP can't be replaced.
And I know that I know -- it was REALLY easy for God to forgive me..... !!!
Back to Forgiveness -
On really hard hurts -- I still say a prayer and ask God...'have I forgiven ?' It is hard -- but I will say this -- it continues to get LESS and LESS.
Now each time that happens, I ask myself .."do I need to seek forgiveness from another?"
The Enemy gets silenced sooner and most times now, he only reminds me of our hurt by a trigger of some sort. And the triggers -- become few and FAR between!
But...whether your husband ( or wife ) betrayed your vows...
Or whether he or she has betrayed you with some sexual impurity...
Or there was a death of some sort that you must forgive their participation in...
Or he has just NOT been what you needed...
Or if he does not love God and continually hurts you...
Or...
Or...
Or......WHATEVER it was.....
Your spouse does deserve forgiveness -- if they are repentant, it is easier --- but forgiveness is commanded by God.
God has forgiven them -- the moment they repented. I believe that God has already forgiven them even before they repent ....but I know God will judge - later.
If you don't forgive, anger will lead to bitterness and eventually that bitterness festers as big time unforgiveness and it is not a pretty thing to witness or see in action. And...unforgiveness -- will keep you from heaven. It just will.
HE forgave me. Christ Forgave me.
That is one of the hardest concepts to understand or even relate on paper or in a blog, but I knew that I knew -- no matter what -- there was to be forgiveness-!
I know what I did to my Lord, for well over 30 years, I placed Him second to everything else -- my sins put HIM on that cross. HE went and took that for me.
Again THAT is hard to understand but, when one person really LOVES Jesus...and understands WHAT HE did for us..for me...for you...YOU want to forgive like HE forgave you...Like HE forgave me.
Pure and simple.
It will take time...You should seek godly counsel and probably professional counsel .....but forgiveness will FREE you...
But please note -- if you are in a relationship where you are being hurt - physically or tormented ...YOU need to get OUT of that ...and pray for your spouse, but eventually you will have to forgive that behavior as well -- in HIS time.
Back to the prayer for today --- it is short...
LORD, am I holding unforgivness? Lord, help me to forgive
the hurt. I declare that the enemy won't use the hurt of
____________________ against me nor my spouse anymore. Lord, I want to
know you so well, that I would understand this powerful mystery of
forgiveness and Lord, please know, I thank you for forgiving me of MY
sins...if there is anything I need to confess - speak to me clearly and
show me my own sin...
Oh Lord, I thank you for forgiving me and I am going to claim now, this evening that I forgive my husband for __________________ and I am asking You Lord to walk with me in these next 37 more days.
I want to see a miracle in many marriages...I need
YOU Lord to come in and get those BOTH out of the pit - and I want to testify
that YOU will
win and that YOU were the one that restored and redeemed them.
Amen.
I love reading your blogs!!! Thank you for your honesty, openess, and for your prayers ♡
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