Faith over Feelings prayer #26 -- Friendships and letdowns

As a kid, I had a neighbor that became a close friend.  I could walk to her house and her older sisters would babysit me and my siblings.  When we got to grade school, we went to different ones,  but our bus rides home were always a way to connect and on the weekends - it was the  BEST when we invited her over to play 'doctor'.

 Yes... we'd clean out the utensil drawers and my brothers were the ambulance men and they'd  bring in a patient from an accident.  She'd lay them down on our outside chase lounger and she would begin to diagnose the problem and use the utensils to have surgery as my sister and I would take notes on fake charts.  Mind you -- the ambulance guys - my bothers had to take turns being the patient and the doctor's helper, and  sometimes I had to fill in as   the rescuer as well!  Kid fun...Imagination.  Those are memories I will treasure. 

School starts and our classmates become our friends - then it  become a thing or a BIG deal to have a BF  or best friend.  Yet, if you are gone a few days due to illness or something else happens, you may return to school the very next day  being the odd man out and need to find a new best friend.  Can anyone relate?  We didn't have social media or cell phones then - it was all word of mouth or face to face confrontations or secrets...or notes.  Either way, I have a feeling the insecurity of 'losing' a friend or being let down was JUST AS powerful back then - 40 years ago as it can be now. 

Become wise by walking with the wise;    hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces

Enter adulthood and you realize that more of your acquaintances were or are better friends with each other than you are with them.  Your spouse becomes your best friend and yet, there are still things that you really don't want to share with him.  Work friends become important  and become those best fiends but eventually the Lord brings you true friends.  People that you share common spiritual intersession  or interests and yet still -- there are times when you can stop and think..."do I really have friends?".  The enemy is such a liar. 

I have noticed that some women do have those needed or close friendships.  I do not.  I mean - I know that Oprah and Gail King speak to each other EACH day on the phone.  They have 'coined' or given us the example of what BEST FRIENDS should look like.  I don't have that.  And that is OK. 

 For many years the enemy used that as a weapon. What I have learned in my 'wisdom' is that Jesus has really become my true and best friend.  He never fusses at me, Holy Spirit  corrects me with loving grace and kindness and always leads me back to truth, and Jesus is right there - to pick me up and dust off the bruises or cuts and heals me back again.  I feel that, truly -- HE is indeed my best friend.  I do call on him daily -- hourly -- sometimes every few minutes.  

  I know that I know - I have dear people that I can call upon to help me, to pray for me, and to love me when I am feeling down.   And, I have experienced those dear ones contacting me  -JUST when I needed them.  THAT is God's provision and grace as well as His kindness.  As sometimes we NEED physical contact.  

The Lord has brought me several  women in different seasons that have been on my speed dial, daily,  and then in a new season,  months may go by ...even years... and they are NOT on my speed dial but  we can pick up where we left off.

 THAT to me is healthy.   THAT is God. 

 And in the meantime -- my spouse has gone from being just my  partner and lover to my dear best friend.  There are still things that I probably should not share with him so I will call my daughter or a pal -- but for the most part this friendship thing is finally becoming understandable. 

Is it cause I am  older?  Maybe.

 Is it because I am more secure in WHOM God made me to me -- oh ya! 

 Or is it because THIS is  HOW God designed me?    Probably.  Yes.  There is such peace.

God designed us to be connected -- we are to be spiritually connected with Him, our spouses, and the body or bride of Christ ...but in healthy ways. 

Become wise by walking with the wise;    hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces

Over the years, I know I have let many dear friends down.  I have gossiped or shared a story that was to be kept to myself.  I have also loved them too much at times.   And, I have felt the 'cling-i-ness' so much that the enemy has been able to use it against me.   Don't forget family in that mix of friends ---  throw in  3 sisters.... my  siblings. Then throw in a sister - n - law -- well, eight of them to be exact, let's just say that indeed -- I have let some friendships down.   I fail cause I am  human.  And they fail me -- as I have expectations that they can't meet.      I pray I have made amends by now... but I know that if there is still something being held in offense..the LORD will bring it out in HIS timing. 

So indeed having friendships is designed by God but the enemy can really mess it up! 

I am unsure where this finds you today -- maybe you can relate to my 'friends' or maybe you are struggling because you want your spouse to be that best friend.  

Maybe your best friend has become MORE of a prayer warrior and partner to you than you own husband and indeed - THAT will bring trials. 

 I am unsure but the Lord woke me today with this idea and a dream which I am now being obedient to share. 



The Dream:

I was in a gala or big event and all dressed up.  It was all women.  I was at that awkward moment when you enter and you see about 5-6 people that you do know and would  sit next too.   However, you really only want this one  to notice you,  and you really only want to sit next to her,    or  that  she would ask you to be at her table, does this relate?   Can I get a witness?  Have you been there?   

Ok, well, I looked around and saw her and  she smiled and motioned me to sit next to her.  Relief.  That AWKWARD moment was fixed.  Thank you Lord.  As I got closer, she grabbed her  empty juice glass and asked me to get her some orange juice.  I quickly obliged.   But as I roamed the room, I noticed a mirror and checked my face.   

No makeup - nothing.  My hair was flat.  I immediately began to ask myself, "how did this happen?"  Did I not shower?  Then I looked at my clothes - I was then under dressed.

 After a few more looks in the mirror, and a self talk to myself that I looked fine, I began to search for the OJ she wanted. I could hear the enemy or even God say to me -- YOU are being distracted!   I had a mission to accomplish. 

  There were stations around the room where others were getting their drinks.  I went to the first one and there was only ice left - no OJ.  So I proceeded to the next... only ice and I clearly could see how I was JUST late, the person before me had the last drop.  And I went to a third one and as I approached, the lady in front of me emptied out the jar of OJ and I watched - I had missed the opportunity again.  And suddenly I was very aware of HOW much time had escaped since she sent me to get the OJ.  I felt like an HOUR had transpired.    

I then began to think, WHAT can I do?  I looked around and noticed that EVERY table was OUT of OJ and as I walked back to her table, our table, I felt tremendous shame that I messed up. And I found myself making excuses and getting flustered and then...  And then I woke up.


After the Dream: 

I spent a good deal of time this am with God and asking Him to tell me WHAT it meant.  I can see the face of this dear pal, so I asked Him.  What does this mean?  Will I disappoint her?  Why am I trying to impress her with the OJ or why do I feel shame that I failed to get it to her fast enough ...cause I was worried about my appearance? 

All very good questions. We are allowed to question our Lord.  He wants communication with us as HE does call us...me...His friend.  

I learned  years  ago, through another dear warrior in Christ,  that dreams can indeed be God speaking to us -- but they can also be the late  night piece of pizza or chocolate cake we ate that made our sugar levels affect our sleep and our dreams can be crazy or silly.

  But I knew this dream had something to teach me and speak to me.  In fact, I felt it was fodder for this blog. I had gone to bed, asking God to give me purpose as I wanted to blog again this weekend.  

 BTW if it is a silly dream - we are just to say - that was a silly dream-- and let it go.  SEEK the Holy Spirit if it has meaning to it.  If you are continually seeking and reading God's Word -- you will probably be most confident to know if it is dream to be concerned  with or to  seek Jesus about -- or if indeed -- it was the late night piece of pizza.  


Maybe one day this dear pal  and myself will be in a room at some sort of breakfast gala and she will send me for OJ and we will laugh about it. 

 But honestly, as I prayed about this  blog and sought Jesus I do believe HE wanted to remind me of something.    And, HE even gave me a quick confirmation that indeed -- I am the OJ that some people need at times. 

HE is the OJ that ALL of us need - ALL the time.  HE is the only one WHO can quench our thirst.  HE is the only one who won't fail us and let us down.  But indeed - He can work and speak to others through us.   Through me.... 

 And there will be times when I won't be able to meet the need for a friend, even  working through the grace of Jesus,  helping me and fighting for me --but that is OK as well. 

He, God,  reminded me  that I didn't need to feel shame or the feeling of failure if I was unable to see the "fruit" of the present situation -- but that HE was  at work and HE would bring fruit and fruition to the circumstance.   In other words, be His hands and feet and serve -- but HE would provide the OJ...HE will provide the truth...HE will do it.  

Bottom line-  I believe the Lord was just reminding me that HE uses me.  I am obedient in serving Him --even when I can't fully SEE the Harvest -- HE is still going to have me 'find some OJ" for another.  And THAT gives me great peace.  I want to make Jesus famous and I want WHAT He  does for me -- for others -- for other women.  For my friends.  

And as I said, with this dream,  this am, GOD brought me another one of HIS precious daughters that reminded me -- that HE orchestrates our true friendships.  She is indeed a new person that I am getting to know -- but yet, we have SO much in Common -- CHRIST and what He DID for her ...HE DID for me.   We didn't need the 45+ years of back history and  back story to be friends in love with Our Lord.. we only need to be Christlike.  He orchestrated it and it was a sweet time this am with a new friend.  

Let's pray faith over these feelings for our friendships:  

Lord, for the one reading this today - I pray she hasn't been beaten up by the enemy about friendships or the lack of friendships --

I also pray for the ones reading this and they can sympathize with me about how the enemy can use our friendships as a source of insecurity  and how he can remind us that we fail those we love -- 

Lord, I also pray that this blog would resonate and bring truth to the one who needs it as indeed, I can see how this silly and meaningful dream can speak truth -- YOU are the OJ..and yet, you are never empty or is there  any lack of YOU .... YOU are right here - all we need to do is SEEK and ASK.  

Lord, for those friendships that come and go in seasons - bless them, use them --

Lord, for the new friendships through YOU that indeed bless us and me...but also bless others -- 

Lord, for the ones dear to us that are "out of our season" at the moment -- whether it is because of hurts, untruths, or circumstances -- in Your time, if there are still offences - bring them forth so repentance can occur and healing can transpire.  

Lord, for the ones that we have loved as friends but ONLY YOU can bring them back to the center of YOUR will and our lives...we will trust and wait on that timing ..... as YOU know best -- 

And finally Lord, for the wives that read on social media "how their  husbands are their BEST friends" 

but, as they think of their own husbands ....and they are NOT their best friends and this causes shame and hurt and comparison. 

 I was there. 
 I know how the enemy used that to hurt and harm not only me but our marriage -- but now...Lord...there is redemption and reconstruction...and a NEW friendship that can only be attributed to YOU Lord - so for that I am most grateful ...but I pray for that WIFE reading this now - who WANTS that desperately -- I pray she will hold steady and continue to pray for him and his heart - that one day - she will come to me ...and tell me - thanks for MAKING me pray for him...as NOW I have a true friend in my husband. 

 And Lord...the glory won't be for me...it will be FOR YOU!  YOU won.  

In Jesus most HOLY name...Amen. 

 Colossians 3:12-14 TPT

You are always and dearly loved by God! So robe yourself with virtues of God, since you have been divinely chosen to be holy. Be merciful as you endeavor to understand others, and be compassionate, showing kindness toward all. Be gentle and humble, unoffendable in your patience with others. 13 Tolerate the weaknesses of those in the family of faith, forgiving one another in the same way you have been graciously forgiven by Jesus Christ. If you find fault with someone, release this same gift of forgiveness to them. 14 For love is supreme and must flow through each of these virtues. Love becomes the mark[k] of true maturity.

Faith over Feelings - Give me Hugs Prayer #25

God’s Constant Love

107 Let everyone give all their praise and thanks to the Lord!
Here’s why—he’s better than anyone could ever imagine.
Yes, he’s always loving and kind, and his faithful love never ends.
2–3 So, go ahead—let everyone know it!
Tell the world how he broke through
and delivered you from the power of darkness and
has gathered us together from all over the world.

He has set us free to be his very own!

This morning after my shower, I heard some footsteps pitter patter upstairs.  I had a visitor last night.  She slept ten hours and my only regret is that I didn't go to be the moment she did!    After I stepped out of the shower, I heard, "Mimi, oh Mimi"  and I replied, "Good Morning Sawyer".  I heard "Mimi, Mimi"...as I climbed the stairs, I replied, "Good Morning Sawyer!".  

I stepped around the corner to a little imp standing tall in her Pac-n-Play, saying, "Hi Mimi, Give me hugs".  Her arms were stretched as wide as she could.  She began to stand on her tippy toes in excitement and then she jumped into my arms.  She threw those arms around me and then patted my back, and hugged me the most tenderly way.  And my heart was undone!  

Her hair was a mess.  Her pure and  wrinkle less skin is in quite a contrast to mine.  I hugged and thought about many women I know - who would LOVE to have a hug so pure and gentle today.  I thought about that moment when a loved one enters heaven and sees Jesus and His Majesty, Lord for the first time.  I imagined Jesus standing right there, saying "give me hugs".  

Then we headed downstairs to change the poopy pants and have some breakfast.  And....she smiled after she picked her nose and handed it to me.  And laughed ....no she guffawed.  And again, I was filled with such joy.  

 There are many hurting this morning -  maybe due to the loss of a young child, a baby,  or maybe even a wayward young adult that continues to believe lies from the enemy.  

There are many holding young babies  - wondering if their love is enough - 

A wife who has prayed and waited patiently for literally years to see a breakthrough within her husband and she clings to the hope that one day she will see a miracle within his faith - 

A mother walking the new path of being a 'momma' to a grandchild as her world was bitterly changed with one action - 

A Grandfather still grieving the loss of a child and the guilt, grief, and depression become so unbearable at times, he wonders if God is even paying attention - 

Or even a young, newly single, woman trying to now transition to no longer being a wife -- 

and yet -- 
 and others sitting in church this morning,  feeling so condemned that they can't even fathom the freedom that we have in Christ.  


I don't know exactly HOW this greets you as you read, but what I felt this am ...that pure love... I felt the Holy Spirit remind me ....THAT is what God has for you -- 

I know it.  I BELIEVE HE wants YOU to experience HIS love in such a new and profound way. 

So, you may be in a most hard season and you can't see any light or goodness right now.  But I know that I know -- that if you step out and faith and cry out to the one who CREATED YOU ... HE won't let you down.  

Lord,  only you can heal and only you can meet whomever is reading this right now -- where they are.  I pray they will open that Book of Life and read - a Psalm ... maybe even Psalm 107. 

I am humbled Lord - use this blog for YOUR purposes. 

Faith over Feelings - Confession and Prayer #24 - Purity.

When one thinks of purity - what do you  naturally think of?  
I think of sex.  Being pure.  

But in reality - it is a state of your heart.   Maybe?  I believe so.  

Pure thoughts vs  impure thoughts. 

Pure motivations vs impure motivations. 

Pure intentions vs  impure intentions. 

                         His POWER will only show up where there is PURITY in place!!  


Several weeks ago my  friend and Pastor spoke about losing your 1st love.  As I listened and took notes - I knew in my 'deep downs'  ( that is a quoted spot  from a child's book by Kate DiCamillo called The Tale of Despereaux ) that there was something that God was asking me to be purified of.

But as I took notes, I knew I was going to rebel.  

That first Commandment says  that we are to Love God above all else and the 2nd  one is to  love people as well.  

Ps. Cary asked some questions and statements to make us think.  And he took us to Revelation 2: 1-7

I know all that you’ve done for me—you have worked hard and persevered. I know that you don’t tolerate evil. You have tested those who claimed to be apostles and proved they are not, for they were imposters. 3 I also know how you have bravely endured trials and persecutions because of my name, yet you have not become discouraged.[c] 4 But I have this against you: you have abandoned the passionate love you had for me at the beginning.[d] 5 Think about how far you have fallen! Repent[e] and do the works of love you did at first.[f] I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place of influence if you do not repent. 6 Although, to your credit, you despise the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also despise.[g] 7 The one whose heart is open let him listen carefully to what the Spirit is saying now to all the churches.[h] To the one who overcomes[i] I will give access to feast on the fruit of the Tree of Life that is found in the paradise of God.[j]

  Why do people lose their first love? 

He questioned - why have we left our first love? Distractions?  Maybe we have a new love that has taken  a new place in our heart? 

Everything or anything can be used by God -- the good, the yucky, the hard and the glorious  - HE will use to draw us close.  He can heal and remove our strongholds as HE wants YOU in heaven. He loves you that much. 

He loves me that much.

                          His POWER will only show up where there is PURITY in place!!   

God doesn't work for me -- He works through me and He will work with me -- but He doesn't work for me.  

Pastor Cary reminded us of God's Word -- that many have fallen.
  We have fallen. 
 I have fallen.  

• Many settle for remorse rather than repentance.  Ouch ...... 
• 
  
• Repentance means a change of direction, a change of attitude, and it may mean a radical change of our lifestyle.  
• 
  
• God still requires stuff of us believers -- He disciples because He has unconditional love for us but this love does require some conditions - cause HE loves us.  

He ended the message with...want to argue?   Read His Book.....  

We need to confess sin, get rid of anything remotely questionable in our lives, Obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and publicly confess Christ as our Savior.  

The World really doesn't run off people from going to church.  

His people in the Church run off people from the church.    Ouch...  

Then he stated:  

His POWER will only show up where there is PURITY in place!!   

Another question asked:  What do I need to remove,  so that I have that POWER?  

Then he ended the message with a question - "How long do you think you have left?"  

Powerful message - powerful words that stirred and so ....now what?  

Well, it has been two months -- Bren and I got in the car that day  and began to talk about the 'what' that maybe God wants us to remove.   We felt that we were "good".  

Ps. Cary was very wise in the fact that so often ...what God will allow with one ...He won't allow with another.  

We discussed a few examples.

In the case of alcohol -- this can be a very touchy subject.  In the bible there is discussion for it and against it.  For us - our home - we never really liked the taste and  it never really became an issue.  There was a time where we judged and condemned others for engaging -- but we have matured and we do enjoy a glass of wine here or there.    There is no stronghold  here.    But out of respect, we pay attention to others and if it bothers another - we refrain.  

In the case of those,  Walking dead - Joker - Game of Thrones -  horror shows-- we just don't.  I can't see that gruesome stuff and sleep -- and we'd rather spend time seeking life or positive shows rather than get involved with stuff.  For me -- my eyes take in a lot.  I know that I can't place certain images or thoughts into my mind......as they can manipulate and trigger past hurts and strongholds and so therefore - we remove ourselves or make sure our eyes are guarded.  WE don't judge those who do, but I do question some times, "Why Lord would those parents let their children watch THAT???"  Forgive me.  

So as I said, Bren and I sought God.  

So now comes the confession.  

In our awkward and counseling years, it was VERY hard to find TV shows that we both could watch.  I can only watch so much football or basketball.  Believe it or not -- we began to watch the REAL Housewives of Beverly Hills.  It was something we could watch and laugh at.  When one of them went through therapy as there was infidelity, we actually had discussion and discussion about stuff.  It was a good thing.  Weird - but good.  In our therapy - there were topics that we didn't approach ...but through a silly TV show - we could.  Again - being transparent  here - don't judge us. 

So we connected to the show.  

  So, fast forward 6- 7 seasons and we dVR  it and take the time to "enjoy"  some mindless and stupid TV.  But as we hit the beginning of school and the next season with it's promos -- we both had a check in our Spirit about spending an hour watching this present season.  We watched the opening trailer and heard the name of God in vain.  We witnessed some major fights with physical nudity and we also could tell -- that this was literally going to be a very CRASS season.  And we talked about not watching it and giving it up.  ( Like we were making a sacrifice.  Ha ha .. Ya, forgive us Lord.)  

But you know what?? 

 We talked about it.  We began to justify it and in reality -- it is a show that does not glorify God -and  seriously plays off the hurt of others, yet we still justified it.  

  However, we justified it because - we both still have our quiet time.  We both still attend church faithfully and we don't dwell on their topics or stuff. We justified it cause it wasn't like having alcohol in a house of a drunk.  We didn't allow this Culture to seep into our actions.  

  Until today - this am.  

With Volleyball season, our   nights are limited and we had two taped shows to catch up on.  So we hit the play button and as   we are making breakfast this morning  and fast forwarding through some of the ti-raids,   we'd  stop and laugh and speak about HOW stupid the fights were.  We reminded  each other of how the one character ( Shannon )  is NOW  becoming the peacemaker but  at the last  season the shoe was on the other foot and THEN she ( Shannon ) indeed -  make it a problem.   I hear us talk about these real people and we both agreed  that it is STUPID TV.  Then we began to watch the 2nd show and .......and then I knew ...I got up and said -"that is it".  

I can't watch this anymore. 

I went in the other room and told my husband, " Bren, God asked me to give this up two months ago and I didn't."   " I can't watch naked women - even when their parts are muted -- it triggers stuff and this is not good!" 

  Bren quickly agreed and we stopped the show.  Deleted the saved shows and went to the MENU to make sure that nothing of that show was taped in the future. 

 You see -- we  witnessed, listened to,  a conversation between the women,  about having a 3-some.  Yep.   Of course the producers placed a commercial in the middle  of that conversation and so we HAD to hear the explanation and I even found myself looking to see if they would complete the discussion before the end of the hour  or if it was going to be a cliff hanger.

 And that is when I got up - I was disgusted. 

Lord, I am so  sorry - for allowing this. 

This is not a HIGH place Lord.  

We both stopped - prayed...repented.... deleted what needed to be deleted and reminded ourselves that we need to make sure that WHAT we put into our heads and hearts is indeed pure.  

You see - 5-6 years ago - it wan't a 'sin' for us...NOW it is.  

And I debated and prayed about whether or not to blog.  But, I feel that indeed -- THIS is my therapy spot.  I blog and pray.  I share.  I am always to be authentic.  And I am transparent, but indeed this touched on some private stuff - a look into our home.  But God wins and gets the glory.  This isn't nothing I wouldn't share with another -- it is a moment where we matured a little more.  And I know - God is pleased.  

As a Church and a body of believers, have we left the HIGH places?  

Do we view God as a HOLY God?  

What is in your house that kids have seen and you deem "ok" and yet.... it is not? 

What  are our kids seeing  us do in moderation -- that they will do in excess?

What we tolerate in our home -Your kids will blow up.  

And THAT will be one of the many things the enemy uses to begin to whisper -- YOU are Guilty and YOU are not worthy.  

What have you made a "treaty" with and are OK with and yet -- your kids and grand kids may not see it as Holy or a High Place?  

Are there Soul Ties to "things" in your home?  

I want the POWER in my home...my life...my heart..and I want others to see something in me that they WANT.  

To  want be that person -- I need to be obedient.  

I have not lost my first love - but as a walking and talking believer WHO daily seeks God -- I am human and I sin... and as EACH layer comes off, I resemble HIM more. 

 THAT is what I want my children and Grandchildren to see.  

I want them to have a legacy of faith!  

Lord, may the reader hear my heart and ask himself or herself?  

Have I left my first love? 

Lord, may the reader hear my heart and ask himself or herself -- what needs to be removed?  

Lord, use this.  Forgive me.  I learn things - we learn things the hard way.  However, Lord, we know that its your GRACE and MERCY that indeed -- gives us more life and more love.  And I praise you Lord, may this blog be a form of worship to MY heart for YOU. 

IN Jesus name.  Amen.  

Lord, she has permission to share this - and print it out for another if needed -- amen. 

Faith over Feelings Blog #23 - When one is SO angry!!!

I wrote this two years ago- I think, I wasn't paying attention when I was going to my archived blogs.  The Holy Spirit brought this to my attention as I was searching for another post about forgiveness.   I read it and thought -- 

Whoa God...
Wow....

I can't even remember who the person was that I was so angry at. It was obviously someone,  somewhat close and yet I have no idea.   

And as you read the blog, it states that I posted some scripture on his FB page in the hopes that he would read it and indeed - repent.  

How foolish of me - and how arrogant of myself.  As you read the blog, you see where I was convicted - but as I read this for the 3rd time, I thought -- did I go back and delete that post?  I pray I did.  

If I didn't - I am sorry Lord.   

What drew me to the post is the title ..."When one is so angry".  

Someone that I do know is SO angry.  Her situation may not be the same as the scenario  that prompted this blog, but indeed - she is angry.  She is also hurting, because she is watching another literally die because of another's hurt and she can't fix it.  So...she is angry and hurting.  


There is a momma watching her daughter go through a legal situation because the God that married her daughter and her husband is no longer THE God that created the world.  

There is a family trying to overcome the consequences because of other situations that are hard and they are angry.  


I pray that at  the bottom or main idea throughout this blog speaks to her -  speaks to you the reader - and maybe even to another -- that we must seek HIM in our anger and in our hurt.    

I did end the blog with Psalm 5.  Scripture is in black and my prayer written out is in read.  

I do know that we must go to God's Word in every situation.  Even this week, I found myself worked up over a few sticky situations that were out of my control and as I left school on Friday, I told my Heavenly Father - help me to find some verses this weekend to post in my room, as Lord - I have allowed the enemy a foothold with the anxiousness and that is not WHO YOU created me to be.  

WE need the faith over these feelings of anger.  

The enemy already knows that "every weapon formed against you - can't prosper".    But do YOU know that ??  

Do you walk in that knowledge - knowing that Victory is YOURS?  

I pray this blog will speak to your heart.  

I will share - 

 I will preface this with the fact - I am angry.  It is ok to be angry but we are not to sin in our anger.  I am.  I just am.  I am not sinning but I am angry!  I am very aware of the fine line between them!   I even posted a post on another person's FB page.  I posted some scripture -- that to me --  it put him,  in his place.  And within 3-4 minutes, my heart was hurting.  I could clearly hear, "my word is not for your use to hurt another".  But the thing was, I KNEW THAT even before I posted it.  But I was SO angry.  

I was angry at "him".  He has made choices that are not of God's will.  How do I know?   It is very obvious.  I have prayed for him -- watched him through two different relationships and prayed everything from, "Lord, help him to Lord, hurt him".  It is very apparent that I am NOT God and I can't dictate nor manipulate God -- but it hurts.   I wanted to WIN on this one.  I wanted to SEE him  fall into repentance and make stuff right.   

This is not the first time I have felt this ANGER for another -- it is just very real and raw tonight.  I am still praying for a miracle -- I am praying a marriage can be saved -- but as I have released this marriage to Him over and over -- I will trust that no matter what, the wife who has been faithful and has waited will indeed received the favor of God!   

I was reminded by my sweet husband that I can't get attached and emotional with every couple I pray with -- but some I do. 

A few weeks ago,  Two sweet women come and asked  me to pray and their situation was very similar to mine  and yet it is their own story -- but I prayed  they would  see HOPE in our story. 

Back in my crisis,   I searched the internet over and over and read blog and story after story of SUCCESS  when a couple defiled the odds and FOUGHT the enemy and SOUGHT God and won! 

Anyway - enough.   I just wanted that for them.  

 Just writing and reading scripture -- I feel better.     But I am also hurting and heartbroken for a wife who believed and believed that a miracle would transpire.   It seems though he will file for divorce and he will one day stand before God and 'justify' why and what.  

I have thought over and over today about how the enemy attacks -- he attacks where he knows there is a weakness.  So often the breakup of a marriage is really a side- effect of childhood hurts that were never exposed and resolved. 

  I believe the enemy has convinced the wayward partner that "it will be better with a new person".  And I believe with all of my heart that God does change people - but people have to WANT to be changed. 

 I do believe that if we continue to deny God and ignore His Spirit - we become VERY hard and we miss a lot. 

 I believe we miss the hand of God giving us favor.  It may certainly "seem" like the life of this wayward partner is better going forward, but I have seen it - sadly - TOO many times where the one who pushed to leave -- regrets! 

  God will justify. 

 God will redeem. 

 God will judge.   

Ok -- enough said.  The Lord knew I wanted to blog and I knew what I needed to do -- just to share my prayer and His Word. 

 Forgive me if this got too personal -- and I have prayed that IF I see this one wayward person within the next few days -- I pray that I will show love, cause right now, I just want to settle the matter with my own words and my own hands.

  But, I submit to God - and know that He is just as disappointed and that God loves him more than any of us ever could -- but I just pray that maybe...just maybe..... a miracle is still right around the corner!   

Psalm 5

1  Listen to my words, Lord,

consider my lament.

 2. Hear my cry for help,

my King and my God,

for to you I pray.  Lord, my heart aches as I want help to try and understand this present situation but also, my heart aches for a wife that has fought hard and from the outside world -- it appears she lost.  

3  In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;

in the morning I lay my requests before you

and wait expectantly.  Lord, you know the exact number of prayers,  fasts,  and discussions that involved this sweet wife that wanted her marriage.  - Lord, I pray you comfort her and I pray he can't sleep -- I just do. 

4  For you are not a God who is pleased with wickedness;

with you, evil people are not welcome.   Lord, to me this verse if very clear -- there will be consequences - period.  And forgive me as right now I WANT that evil to be justified. 

5 The arrogant cannot stand

in your presence.

You hate all who do wrong;

6 you destroy those who tell lies.

The bloodthirsty and deceitful

you, Lord, detest.  Lord, I admit - forgive me -- I believe he is arrogant.   I believe he is arrogant in doing his will rather than Your will.  Lord, he may not be blood thirsty -- but it certainly seems the enemy is blood thirsty -- it seems he wants to destroy this family and this marriage.  And Lord, the lies that have been told and not told -- Lord, it certainly seems like  he is getting away with being deceitful and  arrogant. 

7 But I, by your great love,

can come into your house;

in reverence I bow down

toward your holy temple. Lord, symbolically -- my am bowing down.  I know I have allowed this situation to eat at me all day  and that is not good.  As I release it to You again and I pray that indeed, I will have pity on him and that I would show him love when he is around me.  Lord I pray that both would bow down -- and humble themselves and pray for each other rather than pray to 'be released'. 

8 Lead me, Lord, in your righteousness

because of my enemies—

make your way straight before me.  Lord, I have felt righteous anger today but I am afraid I have become somewhat self-righteous as well.  Lord -- I need YOU to take away this hurt that I feel for the wife who has prayed and forgave -- and I give this 'win' back to you.  You are right -- I wanted the marriage to win.  But I know -- that You can bring beauty out of any ashes.   You know Lord when he will finally submit and seek You -- and perhaps you are going to use this divorce to bring forth more healing.  I release him and her -- and I will trust You. 

9 Not a word from their mouth can be trusted;

their heart is filled with malice.

Their throat is an open grave;

with their tongues they tell lies.

10 Declare them guilty, O God!

Let their intrigues be their downfall.

Banish them for their many sins,

for they have rebelled against you. Lord, I asked you to help TAKE it and even as I read verses 9-10, I already feel a release.  As verses 9-10 continue with the 'bad'....I know You will declare the guilty guilty.    Lord, you know it is NOT only this one couple I am blogging 'for'.  You know there are several marriages my husband and I have prayed for and continue to hold in prayer.   Lord, You also know there are ones that will read this -- as they may be in the  exact spot I am -- angry over something, I pray they would release it.  Lord, I also pray for the ones who have NO clue that a crisis of faith is just around the corner because of another's actions or their own.  Lord, be their everything. 

11  But let all who take refuge in you be glad;

let them ever sing for joy.

Spread your protection over them,

that those who love your name may rejoice in you.   That is me Lord, that is the wife that will most likely sign the divorce papers tomorrow unless a miracle happens.  Spread your protection over this other marriage - where the husband still continues to believe the is "nothing" wrong and yet his wife is dying of loneliness,  hurt, and unmet expecatations. 

Spread Your protection over the children in these marriages - as some are small, others are teens, and even others are grown adults and yet -- they will suffer consequences when a divorce happens.  Lord, that EACH of them would REJOICE in You!  

12  Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous;

you surround them with your favor as with a shield. Lord, I am holding onto this promise -- that you will surround them - each of them with Your favor as with a shield.  Lord, I pray for another wife who is still waiting on her husband to fall in love with Your Son.  Lord, I pray for the many unsaved ones , very close ....

I Pray for the many deceived ones, very close.....

I pray for the ones who want to just give up....

I pray for those prodigal sons/husbands -- that indeed they would have that 'eating the slop' experience and TURN from their own will and submit to God's perfect will for their lives.  

Lord, HOLD that special someone this eve.  Lord, hold her -- hold anyone reading this who needs a reminder that they are indeed LOVED.  Loved so much, You died for her!   

Lord, forgive me, if in my anger, I used Your word to discipline another -- I will trust You and know that You are indeed fighting for me.  And for those who are listed in this prayer blog -- know that GOD will restore everything the locust took.   Don't give up!  

Good night!