Thursday, October 18, 2012
it has been almost a month since I have blogged and shared. Wow. I have been asking God over and over, getting the itch to write but HE has not had me at the keyboard in a bit.
I just stopped and reread my Anniversary post and then the Encounter post and reflected on the past two months that have passed us by so fast, that I was not even aware it had been THAT long since I had blogged.
So many things. So many thoughts. So many prayers.
As I stated, God has not penned a blog in a bit for me to write. I really try and follow what Beth Moore says, 'if you are going to write something - make it worth the time to read it'....then again she also says, "I am blonder than I pay to be". I never really understood that until these past few years. I have found myself, 'blonder' than I pay to be.....just yesterday, Taylor was reading me an article and I did not know what this one word meant - humbling when she realized I did not know what it meant. Oh well.
Anyway, as I said ...it is not normal.
My title was picked to get your attention. I have been doing a LOT of reflecting - a LOT. I am just saying - A LOT! There is a sister of a dear friend that suffered two massive strokes back on the 4th of September and I have been on the computer, reading and praying and following her progress and reading the blog of her husband as he beems God's love and miracles all over the place. I am just saying, GOD still does miraculous healings. Period. She walked stairs today with out much assistance. If you are a Facebook person, you can look her story up and read and be blessed and encouraged. Her name is Nan Huggins ( Gary) Mack. But anyway, that has been a part of my thinking and reflecting. As her husband poured out and confessed the love he has for God and his soul mate - it just makes you think.
Ok, back to me.....it is NOT normal. As I said, I have been reflecting. In August we DID celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary and that was a miracle after the past few years we have had. The Enemy did try to steal, kill, and destroy our marriage, but praise God, HE wins. Although, the event and the time of year, just really made me think and reflect about a year ago, two years ago and even three years ago. Then September rolled around and it was the 'one year' anniversary of us selling our home - which brought back more memories and more reflection. Then October rolled in. Last October was the first month we lived in our rented home. It was the 'first' time we ever had trick or treaters. It was the first time we were actually sitting as a family around the dinner table in a LONG time. It was the first time we could begin to breathe and really THINK about our relationship and starting over. And, I was getting used to a new job and location!
This year, this October, is not normal. I don't want to go back to our 'normal'. Our normal before was bitterness and hurts because of a BIG lack of communication and because the enemy was a part of our lives. Our normal was just existing. Our normal was a smile and a good show. Our normal was avoiding eye contact, real conversation, and other people. Our normal did not include our Heavenly Father, nor any others who expressed concern. And our normal....well, we really did not have a clue about what the other person really cared about, nor what they needed -- I was speaking about my man and I. And then our kids......they had their own issues and like I said, I have been reflecting and praising God.
God can make a way when there seems like no other way. God can bring beauty from the ashes. God can restore. God does miracles. Seeing something that was so hopelessly dead come back to life - is a high like no other. Seeing a person fall back in love with Jesus and begin to trust Him again, is a high like no other, a joy to watch and be a witness too. Knowing a God that heals, restores, and cares, and holds you no matter what the circumstance is something that I NEVER wish to go without.
Yes, we are not 'normal' here anymore. Our lives are very different. There is communication. There is peace. There is fun. There is laughing. There are phone calls. There are endless conversations and needs being met. There is study. There is planning. There is respect and honor and thankfulness. There is repentance. There is restoration. There is love being reborn and shared, and cared for. God does give us the desires of our heart.
I got to thinking about that verse, my one desire as a kid was to grow up, get married to my prince and enjoy my happy life. Little did I know what I would have to overcome. Now mind you, everything is relative. I realized that my 'suffering' is relative, there are people that are facing the loss of their homes, family with illness, and people with major difficulty so I am no POllyanna and I realize how blessed I am, but I also know that no matter what your circumstance is, you can be over it or under it and I don't plan on being under anything again. God is victorious. And God did grant me the desire of my heart, I wanted a relationship restored, I wanted children to love and respect their dad, and I wanted to be loved because of who I was not what I did or looked like, or didn't look like. I wanted a best friend and help meet - I wanted the man back that I believed he was so many years ago! And, in the process, God did a work on me. I was no Princess - not at all, people just did not 'see' my sin. So there it is.
I guess that was not an earth shattering revelation but it was therapy to me to reflect these past two months and just praise God for what HE has done. And in this time, even more healing, yes, even more healing happened.
I believe forgiveness is a state of mind and it is two fold. The act of forgiving is what God calls us to do but then living in that forgiveness and making the reconciliation a priority is the HARDER part. That part does not have us in Limbo, but it has us a work in progress. I know and realize that more healing had occurred today as I was thinking after I saw this one person, and she inquired about me and my man. In the past, I would update her and beg for more prayer. In fact, I asked for prayer from many and I know MANY did pray. However, the 'need' to seek prayer out was NOT there. Oh my.
Could this be, I am trusting? I am feeling secure? ....Finally...after years? If it is - I am liking it. In fact I told her, when you think of us - pray, but I would rather have you hold up NAN in prayer each time you called on God instead of me. And if God called her to pray for me or us, then PRAY and PRAY earnestly, but otherwise just say a praise and be reminded that God does RESTORE and HE wins.
Enough said -