Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Desperate prayers #3

Forgiveness is SO hard.

Yesterday I told you  of my son's house??  It  caught on fire.   Well, today I went with my husband-- thank goodness we have the  ability to call a sub into our classrooms; then we headed to meet Hunter.  He had a 9:30 presentation ( for college)  in which he was to dress up;  he went into class with literally the ONLY clothes he had.  He noted the students just looked at him like, "what on earth is he walking in here with  THAT on".  --  The fire damage was contained -- to his room.    He did the presentation, his professor commended him for coming in,  and the other professors and people he had appointments with yesterday -were most gracious.    And by the way  God is so sweet; my prayer and worry was about his computer.   His computer was spared.  It smells like a fire -- but it works! 

Thank you Lord, that all the boys ( his house mates -- one foot ball player and the rest are soccer players ) are well and good.  They were not home when it started.  It seems a lamp got too hot and was too close to some shirts that were hanging.  The fire was contained on the lower floor of their rental home, but Hunter and Owen's room was totaled.

When we got to their house, Owen looked at both Brendan and I and said, "sorry".  He felt so guilty.  He was the one that moved the lamp into the closet ....but Hunter may of been the one to leave the light on.  The house is old,  there is faulty wiring and so each day they trek this floor lamp to the closet to see and get their clothes and then back to the bathroom to see, shower and get ready.   They have been doing this for months.  However,  back to Owen, when we got to the house, Owen said 'sorry' -- and immediately we hugged and reminded him it was NOT his fault - it was an accident.  It happens.  We live about 90 minutes away from Hunter and by the time we got there to help 'clean up' and see what could be saved - God had this amazing soccer family already there and at work and everything was sorted and put out to the curb.  Nothing is left. 

Forgiveness.  It was easy to extend.   That time. Owen did nothing really wrong.  And yet...he felt tremendous guilt. 

We spent the day  -focused shopping- and getting clothes for my son, calling the insurance adjuster and asking what would be covered,  and then joined Owen and the that  precious  family for supper.    Before we leave,  Owen looks at me and  says again, "sorry".  And again, we remind him - it was not his fault.    It was a page in their life history ...a charred page that smells of smoke and soot -- but it is not their life story.

 By the end of the day - there were many jokes flying around the house and we were looking for the good.   Our son  is somewhat homeless but he has clothes and now we just need the house /room fixed and probably a bed.  His mattress seemed to survive - but I am pretty sure it is full of smoke.  Whether the homeowner fixes the old historic home or Hunter and his  house mates have to find another house -- we will wait on God to clearly show Hunter the next move.  

Yesterday that word of knowledge that the Holy Spirit gave me - "provision" -- that word was for me.  God did provide.  It is not fun spending money on stuff  - but we have the ability to do that.  My son is most grateful and humbled.  In a quiet moment with him, I was able to remind him - THAT is what Jesus did - HE went to the cross when we did not deserve it.  God provided.  

 Now back to that word -- Forgiveness.  As I said -- THAT time it was easy.

Owen really never had to say sorry.

But what about THOSE that hurt us ...hurt me...   and I want a sorry! 

Or what about -- us?  Maybe because of  WHAT we have done  and to WHOM we have hurt... we want  forgiveness    That can be harder.    

Forgiveness ---

There have been several very HARD things or circumstances that I have had to seek forgiveness and give forgiveness.  

  It does not happen in a  flash - I mean, you can say "I forgive you" and perhaps you feel that is all that is needed -----   but God oh God...sometimes, it takes a daily refreshing and restating over and over...to walk in that forgiveness and believe that you really have forgiven the one that hurt you.

I still have to forgive and pray for whomever has hurt me in the past.  Satan loves to remind me of stuff.

 However --
I find myself seeking forgiveness from God daily.  Sometimes - hourly.
Most often now....I say something that is not right or maybe just TOO much and I seek forgiveness.
With God, I find myself asking His forgiveness  because of my pride.   Even when I don't think it is my pride -- OH LORD...HE shows me it is. 

I still have those strongholds that were cast off try  years ago, that sneak up on me, and I catch myself being that self-righteous and all knowing  self - for which I seek forgiveness. Satan will not stop - his purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy.  He tried to steal my heart, my marriage and my love for another and it was practically killed -- but God won.  So now, he just continues to try and destroy. 

On Monday night, when I got the news of Hunter and the fire -- my mind began to wonder and think about all of the possibilities and please don't think I am crazy but a battle began in my brain.  I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I just wanted to get to my son and hold him and I had to wait.... the fire trucks were outside of his home until 1am.... and the fire started about 8pm.  When I got home from a volleyball game, I had already prayed but decided to stay home from school and drive to Boca to see Hunter yesterday, but in my quiet time ......I almost caught myself saying to God, "Lord....why are you allowing this -- the COST for this experience is going to set back MY house...MY plans to begin to build...and MY inconvenience. "  It was only for a moment.....probably 4 seconds and the Holy Spirit in me reminded me that God is good.  This was not about ME. 

So, I share that ...why?  Cause in my 'former life' -- before I truly fell in love with God and realize HIS character is good.....I would of blamed God for a good 24 hours and THEN seen the good.  So, as I was blogging, I marveled at how much I have changed. 

Monday night, I also reached out to my prayer warrior sisters and asked for prayer and yesterday and today -- many of them are being answered.  Excellent.  I have seen some beauty out of these ashes -- literally -- and there will be more.  ( One such beauty - I get an extra day to shop with my son and he needed me.  When your children are grown ....the times when they NEED you become less and less.) 

OK -- so I also SOUGHT my Lord, and asked Him to forgive me for that moment of a pity party.... and thanked HIM for my son that was safe.  As my sister reminded me - HP can't be replaced. 

And I know that I know -- it was REALLY easy for God to forgive me..... !!! 

Back to Forgiveness -

On really hard hurts --  I still say a prayer and ask God...'have I forgiven ?'   It is hard -- but I will say this -- it continues to get LESS and LESS.

Now each time that happens, I ask myself .."do I need to seek forgiveness from another?"

The Enemy gets  silenced sooner and most times now,  he only reminds me of our hurt by a trigger of some sort.  And the triggers -- become few and FAR between! 

But...whether your husband ( or wife ) betrayed your vows...
Or whether he or she has betrayed you with some sexual impurity...
Or there was  a death of some sort that you must forgive their participation in...
Or he has just NOT been what you needed...
Or if he does not love God and continually hurts  you...
Or......WHATEVER it was.....

Your spouse does deserve  forgiveness -- if they are repentant, it is easier  --- but forgiveness is commanded by God. 
God has forgiven them -- the moment they repented.  I believe that  God has already forgiven them even before they repent ....but I know God will judge - later.

If you don't forgive, anger will lead to bitterness and eventually that bitterness festers as big time unforgiveness and it is not a pretty thing to witness or see in action.  And...unforgiveness -- will keep you from heaven.  It just will. 

HE forgave me. Christ Forgave me. 

That is one of the hardest concepts to understand or even relate on paper or in a blog, but I knew that I knew -- no matter what  -- there was to be forgiveness-! 

I know what I did to my Lord, for well over 30 years, I placed Him second to everything else -- my sins put HIM on that cross.  HE went and took that for me.

 Again THAT is hard to understand but, when one person really LOVES Jesus...and understands WHAT HE did for us..for me...for you...YOU want to forgive like HE forgave you...Like HE forgave me.

Pure and simple.  
It will take time...You should seek godly counsel and probably professional counsel .....but forgiveness will FREE you...

But please note -- if you are in a relationship where you are being hurt - physically or tormented ...YOU need to get OUT of that ...and pray for your spouse, but eventually you will have to forgive that behavior as well -- in HIS time.

Back to the prayer for today --- it is short...

LORD, am I holding unforgivness?  Lord, help me to forgive the hurt.  I declare that the enemy won't use the hurt of ____________________ against me nor my spouse anymore.  Lord, I want to know you so well, that I would understand this powerful mystery of forgiveness and Lord, please know, I thank you for forgiving me of MY sins...if there is anything I need to confess - speak to me clearly and show me my own sin...

Oh Lord, I thank you for forgiving me and I am going to claim now, this evening that I forgive my husband for __________________ and I am asking You Lord to walk with me in these next 37 more days.

I want to see a miracle in many  marriages...I need YOU Lord  to come in and get those BOTH out of the pit - and I want to testify that YOU will 
win and that YOU were the one that restored and redeemed them.  Amen. 

BTW Lord....for that family/woman that contacted me today -- she does not want her divorce and wants her family..... I rejoiced for her acknowledgment of YOU ....but now -- please work and open his eyes -- let him see and understand the relationship he thinks -- 'you brought him'...is not of you -- as you would not bring a married man a new woman.  Your will Lord, is for that marriage to be redeemed.  Period.  But I thank you Lord, that when divorce happens, you do redeem and restore both parties -- when they SEEK you and place your first.  I don't know all the  particulars within this family - but YOU DO Lord, and you have her now and I believe that YOU will win.   Thank you  Lord.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Desperate Prayers #2

So today's prayer is about enduring...to wait...to hold on.

However, over an hour ago - a call from our son proved to be a bit - disheartening.  His house burned.  There was a house fire and the major damage was his room.  He lost everything.

I meet with several women each day and we pray.  Today I was running late and quickly added myself the to lot of women and men listening to prayer requests.  I did not hear all of them, only the last few and then the one next to me said,  "does anyone feel led to pray this am?".  

I hesitated for only and moment and began to pray, even though I did not know the requests - but GOD DID.

And, for some reason....I felt the need to pray for PROVISION.  And I did.  I was unsure of the how and what or why the Holy Spirit brought that to my attention and I even walked away from the room back to my own room and thought..."Lord, who was that for?  And then I said, maybe it is for me?".

Tonight - it is 1137 am.  And it dawned on me.....Provision....God provides.  
I was able to call a sub,  seek my Principal via cell phone and let him know I was taking a day off and ......both my Husband and I will drive to see our son in the am -- and provide.

He has savings, not nearly enough to replace his clothing and necessary items to live -- but we, his parents can, provide for him.  I admit -- my savings is pretty low -- but as my dear new friend reminded me -- THIS life is temporary and stuff can be replaced.

God's provision.

Every time while in college - when I had a need - God provided.  I am grateful and thankful to God that I can help provide for our homeless and shirtless son.....    

My thought pattern for prayer this eve was to HOLD on.... and to ENDURE.....and I am going to add in -- to PROVIDE..... 

Lord, I come to you this eve and I pray for those couples that you have brought to our attention and to maybe the one wife that may be be reading this tonight...God I pray that first, the enemy would LEAVE them alone for this evening and I pray that within the marriage if it is the wife that is wanting to be 'out'...or if it is the husband -- THAT the enemy would just LEAVE them be this evening and as they lay their head on the pillow,---they would stop and think -- just maybe...just maybe...YOU are there and YOU can change the other. 

 Lord, I pray that the one who wants the marriage the most...will hold on and endure and wait...wait on YOU ...as YOU can restore the ancient ruins...  You can rebuild, but sometimes Lord it takes SO long to get that answer. 

 I pray that they will read Isaiah 61 and be reminded that YOU proclaim freedom for the captives and YOU  will comfort all who mourn...that YOU will rebuild the ancient ruins and YOU can rebuild their love and their marriage.  I pray that tomorrow the one who has that lonely heart, the one that is hurting and seeking YOU will see something in their spouse tomorrow...something that gives them HOPE to endure...HOPE to hang in there and HOPE to believe that YOU will do for them..what YOU did for us. 

 I thank you for my restored marriage and I thank you that the enemy did not win.  God again, I bind that enemy away from these marriages and I pray you will loose extra protection angels to them -- to watch over and when there is any doubt being voiced -- that those angels will shout loudly -- that YOU win.  And I thank you for the marriage of my child -- what a true blessing and display of redemption -- I want that for all the women I pray with.....


 And Lord, I pray that those hurting women ..or men..would reach out and ask YOU to bring to them  a mentor to pray with - someone they can reach out too...close to them.  I ask that those 'oaks of righteousness' will notice and stand in the gap.  


And I pray you will PROVIDE....  YOUR provision Lord on these marriages, on these women and men that are holding on to something -- believing in a marriage that will be restored or believing in that wayward child that has walked away from You God.  


Lord, I pray you will provide the right counsel -- 

Lord, I pray you will provide the mentors to speak like into them -- 

Lord, I pray for my own son this eve - give him peace beyond all understanding and may he know and see that YOU are providing for his every need.  

And Lord, for that one couple that waited and waited and were faithful and now it seems the healthy part of marriage...the sex part..... is being sabotaged.  Lord, only you can change the hearts and minds of them both - 


And Lord, there is one ....beginning the process of divorce -- help her.  She believes this is YOUR will -- then close the right doors and open others.  Lord, YOU know.  


Lord, for the one this eve ....that is still so caught in the middle cause the spouse won't move forward, nor acknowledge the past....there needs to be repentance - period - may she see that and soon. 


Lord, for the ones that need -- a job, money, or even just that hug - provide.  

And Lord, for the BEST sales tomorrow as we clothe HP....may it not strip our pocketbook - provide Lord.  IN Jesus name, Amen.  

Desperate prayers #1

I had a wonderful weekend and I believe God has sparked in me a prayer focus.  40 days. 

I was asked several times over the past two weeks....."how did you do it?".  

I did not -- God did.  But I did some actions that kept me still and waiting in the "meantime"....while I gave God HIS time. 

I have more to say about God's timing -- I believe the Holy Spirit has perhaps 4 blogs ready at my finger tips  -- but I am waiting on God to perfect the words. 

  In counsel....with some dear women this past month...I was reminded of HOW God's timing is perfect.    As far as our marriage --God did the miracle - God healed us... God alone, but it was through HIS hands and HIS feet -- HIS people extending  their time, their prayers, their therapy,  their love, and their encouragement.  I don't think a book could contain ALL that worked together for HIS good when it came to the two of us....

Brendan stated it again this past week -- "we are a miracle".  God did the miracle, but HE needed 'us'.  He asks 'us' to be Jesus to others...to be HIS hands and HIS feet. 

And 'how' did I do it -- again, I did not - but Jesus did.  HE sustained me as I waited.....

And -- waiting SUCKED -- it just did --- but, I believed I would see the goodness in the land of the living -- I did!  Period.  

Lord, I come to you as a humble servant and I seek YOUR guidance and provision to accomplish this task.  Lord, today I will pray about our hearts.  Lord, I pray that  my heart does not become lonely.  I pray my husband's heart does not become lonely -- Lord, that we both SEEK you with every ounce of our being and that we SEEK the other as our 2nd love. 

 Lord, I pray that YOU are our first love.  Lord,  I ask that You reveal our hearts to us - show us what can trigger loneliness...show us what can trigger the enemy to come at us.  God, you placed the stars -- You know exactly how many hairs are  on his head - on my head...Lord, you know exactly HOW this will play out -- God I pray right now that the one reading this, will believe that the lonely heart can be healed...that the lonely heart can feel LOVE like never before...that the lonely heart won't be tempted to find solace in another.

 For the lonely one reading this, I can see her beautiful face this morning -- her husband does not see what I see --

I see a woman desperate for her marriage to be restored and I believe that it can and it will be -- I must use those words, but I also know and I don't quite agree with 'free will'....but technically I do -- 

God YOU gave us free will for Your purpose and by that free will -- we have a choice.  Her husband has made choices. Therefore  God and so her heart is lonely, but YOU already know that ---it certainly seems like he is not lonely cause there is another -- But YOU Lord, can upset that and I believe that when darkness is exposed to the light - it is no longer fun and so therefore, the reality will be true.  Light will be revealed.  

 God I pray that the lonely heart will open up to YOU, that he or she will pour our their loneliness to YOU and that they will allow you to fill it and then tomorrow, they will do the same and let it fill them tomorrow even more...and then Lord, I pray they check their hearts - are you first?  Lord, I pray that YOU are first and their spouse is 2nd in the devotion...

God I believe in marriage, I believe you heal and restore and I pray for those  RIGHT now that are in a DESPERATE marriage.  For the one that is holding on -- that they would have an unction  to hold on no matter what.  And for the one wanting out - I pray that they wake with an unction  to hold on ...just one more day...to seek professional help....or to just wait on filing for that divorce paper--

 OH God - for those couples we are thinking of and for the one that may be reading this -- God I pray that person or that wife or that husband will dream this eve and meet you -- and believe when they awake that YOU can turn this around - In Jesus name, amen ! 

Lord, I desperate seek you and ask that within these 40 days -- the mountain will be moved...there will be HOPE for that one to be restored, there will be a change of heart, and that -- no matter what all parties involved will SEEK you like never before.  In  Jesus name, Amen. 

1 Peter 4.8
Above all, love each other deeply, because Love covers over a multitude of sins.

Psalm 119: 111-112
Your laws are my treasure: they are my heart's delight.  I am determined to keep your degrees to the very end.

Today can be the beginning of a new direction..a new life for your marriage -- God CAN heal and restore what the locusts have taken -- even after MANY years!

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

From BEING under the influence to BEING the influence!

 I am reposting an entry from almost a year ago.
I have the audacious privilege to pray with a bevy of beauties each morning but I have missed the last couple of mornings due to some unexpected circumstances.    So, as I came to my blog this eve, I asked the Lord to direct me to an entry that would bless me and others.    One of those beauties 'helped' write this blog some time ago.  The Holy Spirit in me, read with wonder and just confirmed -- I needed to read this tonight and share it again.

I want to be an influence.

I have been reading a lot and praying a lot lately about warfare  --- as there is a dear one very close to me in a battle -- and God is going to win.  I won't let my guard down.  And as I write this...I think of another....and another...and another that God has brought to me to pray with and believe with ---

...they too have come from UNDER the influence to being an influence.  Praise God.

I love my 'life' right now where it is at --- I get to see Jesus - alive and working within those around me!

I pray this blog entry is what YOU need to read this eve too -- Michelle


Lord, give me wisdom in writing this.
Yesterday at my prayer time with a bevy of beauties that I work with - a thought popped in my head and I declared it.

From under the influence to being an influence.   

How powerful or what?
A sweet beloved sister in Christ  shared  something about her man, her husband and if you knew her entire history....you would celebrate the story with me.

Just the words imply something but the Holy Spirit revealed SO much more to me about these words.

Someone  could be UNDER the influence of drugs...  alcohol or pills or whatever....
Someone could be UNDER the influence of an oppression of some sort ....
Someone  could be UNDER the influence of a domineering parent ....
Someone  could be UNDER the influence of just a 'bitchy' friend -- sorry - bear with me on this - I promise not to cuss too much.
Someone  could be UNDER the influence of  wrong thoughts and perceptions ...
Someone could be UNDER the bondage of inequities . ...
Someone could be so FULL of pride that it will put them UNDER....

and yet, bottom line - it is UNDER the influence of the Enemy.... whether he is in you, on you, or around you --  the enemy hates Christ...the enemy hates any followers of Christ...so therefore the enemy hates you - he hates me...and he hated that sweet sister's husband.  So much so, that he tried to destroy him, tried to destroy their relationship, and he tried to destroy their marriage and yet - he was defeated.

As now that husband has gone from being UNDER the influence to BEING an influence to another man.  Amen. Praise God.  God won.   .......can you picture me jumping for joy - as I am!

THAT is a Jesus High

Redemption stories always make me smile.    Now.  When I hear the testimony of a sister in Christ that has overcome much hardship and hurt and now God is getting the glory - I jump for JOY within my spirit and physically.  I really do. 

Several, several  weeks ago something was said, referenced,  and the comment was, "I really don't want to hear some woman tell how her husband cheated on her and she prayed and now everything is better". 

At the moment I read the comment, my heart stopped for a nano second and  I claimed I would not allow that to take offense within my soul.   Many times, hurting people say hurting words.  It was  my choice on whether I let it fester or not fester  within my spirit.  I chose not. 

But it made me think. 

So often in my younger years, I would listen to stories from women about their hardships and how God carried them.  I was so callous and na├»ve - I had NO real idea.  I judged them,  judged their hearts and spirits and I accessed the 'cause' and would just file it away.     My pride would always make my flesh feel better about it - "I was better than them".

Or I would dismiss their claims -- I had no real understanding.  No empathy. 

( Side bar: And yet, I thought I did ....cause I had grown up in a somewhat of a dysfunctional home and now I was 'ok'...so why couldn't they be ok too?     Oh Lord, even as I type those words, I can feel the enemy wanting me to have a pity fest...but I won't.  I know I am forgiven of that spiritual pride and time of my life when I was constantly loving everything else instead of my Lord.)  

Then I would hear of stories of years and years of abuse and seek God.."how the hell did they last that long?" And I would wrestle with God and demand answers.  And I would complain.  My husband reminded me today while he was praying, complaining is telling God that "I " can do it better....

(Side bar: Thank  you Lord that my husband is now an influence within my life -- You use him to speak life to me.  I am thankful for that!)     

  And then, when I actually paid close attention, I would be graced  with more stories of redemption and how God changed a person and beauty did rise up from ashes.  Slowly, very slowly - I began to realize  the Holy Spirit was speaking and I was finally listening. In fact, I quote one of those stories - within the first chapter of Francis Chan's book, "CRAZY LOVE".... he credits a woman that dealt with an abusive alcoholic husband for almost 18 years and he claims that  - they...that couple is one of the most godly mentors to he, his wife, and his ministry.  ...That is a God miracle.  

I have prayed for many women and even presently, can see the hurt within the home and a part of me wants to scream - "GET the hell out"  -- but I know better.   I would never tell one person,  a wife or mother to leave a husband unless she felt her safety was at risk.  No one deserves physical or mental abuse.   Seek help.  And yet, God has brought my attention to many women that did endure for  a season -- to watch God orchestrate a  miracle and now....they are living by the word of their testimony.  We are healed by the blood of the lamb and  transformed by the word of our testimony.
Revelation 12:11New International Version (NIV)
11 They triumphed over him
    by the blood of the Lamb
    and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
    as to shrink from death

I rejoice with that sister in Christ as now her husband is an influence.  But she endured many years of heartache and pain.   But God brought her out of that--God restores and redeems.     I am not stupid, I believe there are people that look at me and think - 'what the heck?'.....and yet, I know that I know that I know.....  obedience brings rewards and no matter what - each person, each woman, each situation is God's. And God shows me daily,  the  why, and  now we are  beyond the pain, and beyond the hurt.....and we are glad for the challenges within our past - as it has brought us - HERE.

( Side bar - my husband and I are presently in the last week of a Marriage Event at our church, as we pray for the couples and people that attend, triggers flood and the Holy Spirit reveals stuff and we  - together - marvel at HOW much God has changed us both - for the BETTER! ) 

WE get that now.  Being on 'this' side of it - our spiritual eyes see things differently now.  We are made new. 

Ephesians 4:23New International Version (NIV)
23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds;

God never intended it to be this hard -
God is not punishing -
God did not purposefully say, 'you much endure this for this' -

He sent His Son for the ultimate sacrifice.  When I truly understood WHAT I was forgiven of - I could and I had to forgive.

   I know that my sister in Christ...when God spoke to her heart and asked her to 'hold on' just a little while longer.... HE blessed her with  a new man and once she is darn proud of.    And I know that one of the reasons he was attacked so by Satan was because there was a calling upon his life. 

Satan does not have an 'in' with God...but he understands that GOD has plans for EACH of us. 

 And for each and every redemption story I have heard -- God bless them.  For all of them I heard prior to my new heart .... forgive me.   For the ones God will bring to my path...I pray I will always SEEK God's face and wisdom on anything I say or do...or pray...

God wins. 

Lord...for the one reading this that does not see the light at the end of the tunnel -- lead her, direct her. show her.  Lord, I pray she will DIG deep into YOUR Word, I pray she will take a Psalm this evening - like Psalm 40 or 45 or 39 and claim it as her victory prayer...I pray she will read those words and get a RHEMA word from you.  Lord, I pray she will SEEK YOUR face and believe that YOU can change a heart and that YOU will make all things new. 

Lord, I pray for the sister in Christ that does not think her prayers are powerful -- God I pray she would realize and know that she has JUST as much power and authority in YOU as I do - or another....  God I pray that if she has never called upon  You for her salvation - that she will RIGHT now. 

Lord, I bind the enemy away from the hurt right now.  God I pray she will have the courage to stop the sin if she is the one in sin...Lord, I pray she will refocus...

Lord, for the ones that are under the influence right now... Lord, I pray they would seek YOU and believe that they are MORE than a conqueror through YOU  ..God I pray this oppression would be bound and that spiritual help would be sought.  Lord, I bind the pride away from those ears, those eyes, and that heart ...that it is NOT too hard.  God I know that You do discipline ....and I know that You will allow 'stuff' to transpire and happen to draw us close ....so God I pray that this one particular sister that is hurting - God I pray her eyes will open and she will see....there is SO much more to learn about YOU and I pray she won't have to 'lose' something to find You...  like I did... God I DO not wish my circumstances upon anyone, but I pray that those around me would see....that perhaps they are playing with fire and that ....they will get burned...may they be aware, that their situation is no laughing matter.  God, thank You.  I believe  YOU will win.   Lord, I thank you for those ones that are holding on and believing in something they can't see right now.   Lord, I thank you for today -- for showing me clearly -- that YOU are still very proud of me

Lord...  YOUR will be done.  May this blog post - draw someone closer to you and give them HOPE.  Amen. 

  - humbled...blessed, chosen, accepted, adopted, forgiven and redeemed...  loved... and in awe of YOU Lord.  Thank you for setting this captive free, use me Lord - I love you. 

Tuesday, September 15, 2015


Recently I watched  a Beth Moore Simulcast and was just enamored with how much God must love me.  ...Just me....

Ha ha, I realize that God loves EACH and every one of us in that same manner, as He sent His Son to die on the Cross for us  -- and at times, I get a glimpse of that love.

Last Saturday, I got to sit in a beautiful church and worship the Almighty Father.  Listen to one of His servants speak.....RIGHT to me and I was in heaven.  For a brief moment I could get a glimpse of what heaven was like -- just sitting at HIS feet and listening and learning. 

Beth was speaking about the word "audacious"  and its meaning.  And she shared several points about being audacious and living an audacious lovely life  and one of the points:

1.  THE Audacity to make the unseen Savior the Supreme romance of My Life.   

I listened and thought about the GREAT loves of my life;  when, I fell in love.  When I realized what LOVE was really about, and then when I truly fell in love with my Savior.  Realizing  that with great certainty -- I was the reason He went to the cross.  He loved me as much as He loved Mary who bore Jesus and even as much as He loved Peter or Ruth, or even Ester.  Me...Me....me.

I think again about the GREAT loves of my life and moments where I felt MOST loved.

I think back  to my wedding day.
I think about the day when I came home with my first child- Taylor.
I think about the day when I awoke in a hospital bed after an extra surgery and realized that I was in a bit of a 'health scare' - with concern in my husband's eyes -- I knew I was loved.
I think about the day when I watched our 2nd child, our son,  be loaded into a ambulance after he was born and then shipped off to a NICU.   The  great LOVE I felt for that newborn.
I think about the day ( at my Encounter weekend ) that I truly saw the Passion of Christ in a new light and fell smack in love with God  and Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

I think of those days - as days of joy. I think of those days and just smile and know that I know -- I can do anything with Christ .

And I added another day to that list.  A day in which, I saw my  first born smile in unbelief as her future husband got on one knee and  asked her to marry him.  On that day....I realized again, how much God loves me.   As this day was an answer to a prayer that I had been praying for 24 years.   To see your child, meet a person, fall in love, and become one with that person ....priceless.

To watch another set of  parents fall in love with your child and love her like she was always theirs.....Priceless.

And then, be able to watch a child pick a dress, discuss flowers, photographers,  and then a venue -- for a wedding celebration -- it is indeed  a testimony of God's grace and mercy.


Beth stated, to LOVE an unseen God...an unseen Savior and allow HIM to romance me.

Marriage is a union. God's plan for us to learn to live as the 'bride' of Christ.
When will God look at Jesus and say, "call your bride home - we are ready for a wedding".

When will it happen?

No one knows.

God romances me every day.  I see it - in HIS grace and mercy and the sweet things HE orchestrates for me each day to witness and to be a part of.  I get visions.  I see wonders and get the honor to pray for people and SEE the answered prayers.  WHAT a romance...I want MORE.

Do I romance Him?  Am I ?

I believe I am when I seek FIRST HIS Kingdom and when I create a home for my family and show honor to my husband and such.  I believe I am when I READ His Word and then live by it.  I believe I am when I am in prayer.  I believe I am when I am singing and dancing for worship to Him.

However, is HE the SUPREME romance of my life....or am I caught up in other stuff?

Lord, I pray that YOU always remain the SUPREME romance of my life.  
May my life be a reflection of YOU. 
Empty me of me Lord...fill me with YOU.  
God.... I know I don't  have to be a 'beth'...I have to be Michelle and YOU will use me in a mighty way.  Lord, for my girl, my baby, my first born....as this wedding is planned and gets underway and she creates a home with the man You have brought to her --may she always see and know that YOU romanced her FIRST  and than You are the supreme romance of her life. 

 Lord, that You are the supreme romance of his life...and as each of them seeks You first -- their marriage will be a long lasting one and be a blessing to You.  And You will use these two to further Your Kingdom.  Thank you Lord, amen. 

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Prayers for a Marriage - To ENDURE. ( Reposted)

 I wrote this back in 2013.....  It is needed for another tonight.

I have to share today that my husband said the sweetest thing.  It had to do with a word that I believed God wanted me to share with him.  I felt SO awkward speaking it to him, and I was SO afraid that he would not receive it seriously...or he would laugh....or he may feel I was 'being his holy spirit'....

It was very personal.  And when I gave him that word, I prefaced it - "don't tell me good or bad...in fact, say nothing to be about it until tomorrow -- I am too fragile to hear ANY criticism".   That was Saturday.

He honored that.

Now, if I was REALLY sure it was of the Lord... I should of BOLDLY spoke it and let it be right?

Wrong - we must be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, but we are also human.

You see some of our  therapy was about me judging him and being that 'nag queen' and  being his 'holy spirit'.    So you can see why I would be careful about telling him 'what' to do or think.

There is a delicate and fine line between a husband and a wife.  We are to be intimate.  We are to be supportive and each others' friends.  We can give each other advice --  But we are also separate people.   After one has been married a long time, it is easy to fall into the trap of being the 'parent' of a spouse ...instead of being the wife or the husband.    I think there are a lot of marriages where there is not a lot of respect shown or given.  Been there ....working on that!

Anyway,  the sweetest thing he said to me was, "chell, I took to heart what you said and at church on Sunday, I .....".

He took something I said ...a 'god' thing...and he respected it.  He felt my word ( from God ) was valuable and he respected what I said--- what God shared with me.

Today I thought of that -- I have waited to hear that kind of a compliment for over 20+ years...I have.  I have seen that sort of a thing on TV and read about it on blogs and in articles about good marriages ... but today....God really revealed to me, again, that HE will rebuild the ancient ruins... ( Isaiah 61 .4)

However, I am reminded that it TAKES time ----sometimes...long times..

So today's prayer is about enduring...to wait...to hold on.

And this never would of happened -- if I had given up.  It was never a matter of 'giving up'...it was a matter of listening to what GOD told me to do.  HE told me to wait on HIM and wait on him.  

Lord, I come to you this eve and I pray for those couples that you have brought to our attention and to maybe the one wife that may be be reading this tonight...God I pray that first, the enemy would LEAVE them alone for this evening and I pray that within the marriage if it is the wife that is wanting to be 'out'...or if it is the husband -- THAT the enemy would just LEAVE them be this evening and as they lay their head on the pillow,---they would stop and think -- just maybe...just maybe...YOU are there and YOU can change the other. 

 Lord, I pray that the one who wants the marriage the most...will hold on and endure and wait...wait on YOU ...as YOU can restore the ancient ruins...  You can rebuild, but sometimes Lord it takes SO long to get that answer. 

 Lord, I thank you for healing that took place again today as I reflected about that word you had for me...for Brendan...and I pray that for the one reading this tonight -- I pray that she will receive a word from YOU for herself...for himself...to ENDURE. 

 I pray that they will read Isaiah 61 and be reminded that YOU proclaim freedom for the captives and YOU  will comfort all who mourn...that YOU will rebuild the ancient ruins and YOU can rebuild their love and their marriage.  I pray that tomorrow the one who has that lonely heart, the one that is hurting and seeking YOU will see something in their spouse tomorrow...something that gives them HOPE to endure...HOPE to hang in there and HOPE to believe that YOU will do for them..what YOU did for us. 

 I thank you for my restored marriage and I thank you that the enemy did not win.  God again, I bind that enemy away from these marriages and I pray you will loose extra protection angels to them -- to watch over and when there is any doubt being voiced -- that those angels will shout loudly -- that YOU win.  And Lord, I pray that those hurting women ..or men..would reach out and ask YOU to bring to them  a mentor to pray with - someone they can reach out too...close to them.  I ask that those 'oaks of righteousness' will notice and stand in the gap - amen. 

Expecting #34 - REPOST ( updated and perfect for today!)

A favorite  Jesus Calling Devotional ...states this:

Beloved, this is the day that the Lord has made...As you rejoice in this day of life, it will yield up to you precious gifts and beneficial training.  Walk with Me along the high road of thanksgiving, and you will find delights I have made ready for you....To protect your thankfulness, you must remember that you reside in a fallen world, where blessings and sorrows intermingle freely.  A constant focus on adversity defeats many Christians. ...They walk through a day that is brimming with beauty and brightness, seeing only the grayness of their thoughts.  Neglecting the practice of giving thanks has darkened their minds.  How precious are My children who remember to thank Me at all times.  They can walk through the darkest of days with joy in their hearts because they know that the Light of My Presence is still shining on them.  Rejoice in this day that I have made for you, I am your steadfast Companion.  - God   Psalm 118. 24  and Psalm 116. 17 

It is very hard to stay hopeful when it seems like God has forgotten us.  I have said that...I have felt that God has forgotten me, but praise God I have also lived long enough to know
                            ...that is a LIE from the pit of hell.

God does not forget us.  God never has.  HE knew me..HE knows you...before you were born.  HE knows the number of hairs left on my head and how many will fall out into the drain this evening.

I am posting today to give hope and encouragement --from  God  because....
I want to  remind myself how things are so relative and how the enemy  continues to try and lie and weasel his way into our lives.

And maybe I am posting this --for you...the stranger at the other side of this computer screen that I don't know.

In the past month.... 

I  have reached out to a woman that wants restoration in a marriage. ( I wrote this original post a year ago and since then... several women have graced my heart and prayers....! )

I prayed with a woman that does not have her kids right with her right now, and her heart is so broken.  ( This person still does not have her children... but I am believing that she is in a better place.)

I have prayed with several women who are trying to salvage relationships with their children and their husbands.

I have prayed with women that are hopeless and trying their best to hang on.

I have prayed that God would move mountains...  ( I still pray this daily.... there are still many to be moved! )

There are so many -- feeling defeated -- 

And I was reminded of MANY other heartbroken people.

I was reminded that we always need to be thankful.

I think it is important to be real and to be aware.  Because of God....there is HOPE and there is light at the end of the tunnel even when we think it can't happen.

It is a very hard concept, but there can be joy in our circumstance.

Tomorrow could be the day the situation turns around....tomorrow could be the day....
Tomorrow could be the day the situation turns around... tomorrow...

I have said this before, there was a time in my life that I would just 'hang on until night time'....then I would pray and go to sleep with my bible on my chest and ask God.."please, tomorrow - could tomorrow be the day I have been waiting for?".   And then tomorrow came, and the day started and by 10 or 11 am that next day - I would find myself saying, "ok God, I guess it WON'T be today ( for my miracle ) so...just get me to bed time......."   And I would look forward to the possibility of the NEXT day...

Literally living from day to day  -- 

God has to be it.
HE has to be our all.
HE allows strife and heartache within out lives - cause HE wants to draw us near  -- HE is getting our attention.

 That was NOT HIS intention but we are in a wicked world and we chose the path, we have that free will....it leads us into temptation and then sin.

It certainly seems  like ALL the others ( around us )  are getting the breaks and the ones who are ARE on their knees seeking God are NOT winning...but hold on dear sister...hold on beloved....YOU are HIS.

Please don't compare your situation with others -- you have no idea, but maybe Satan does not need to mess with them...and he is able to bless then ( Satan can bless people ) cause they are NO threat.
So consider it an honor...that the enemy is seeking to destroy you -- and your dreams and family...cause he knows, God has great plans in the future.

Lisa Bevere says that you are probably being attacked ...cause of WHAT the enemy knows YOU can do for the Kingdom of God in the future -- so he is attacking now.  Don't let him win.

Don't let the enemy tell you God has forgotten you -- HE has not.
Cry out to him.  Demand GOD to show up and move....just make sure that you are RIGHT with him first - confess any sin....make sure YOU have asked HIm into your life and heart, and declare your love for him.

I realize it may be hard to declare your LOve for God...I was unable to really do that for many years...it takes time to trust something that is 'unseen'.  But, if we will...Glory will come.

Hang in there beloved....YOU are deeply loved.  Memorize these verses  below.  Personalize them.

Michelle, be strong and courageous, don't fear..for God is with me and HE won't leave or forsake me.
__________, be strong....

Lord, God.....I am thankful for this day - for the women or men reading this....may they see HOPE at the end of the tunnel.  Lord,  I continue to hold up those sisters in Christ that I am believing and agreeing in prayer with -- that there would be clarity...there would be peace...and a new found relationship - like NONE before.    amen.

God - for some -  they may not have the faith right now to believe there is  LIGHT at the end of the TUNNEL - but I will believe it enough for them -- I will!

Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV 

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Psalm 55:22 ESV / 

Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

Monday, September 7, 2015

What can I say?

When someone is hurting so badly around you --  what can you do or say?  You pray. 

There is a person that has been heavy on my heart today - so I am writing a prayer.  It will make me 'feel' better and yet -- I can't really give it to this person - as I don't believe this beloved one will receive it -- yet!  

I am unsure of his or her heart at the moment -- will they truly receive God's love or are they so angry with a hard heart?   As I plant the seed of prayer,  -- will  it will just fall into the weeds and get chocked out?    Only God knows.  I pray that HE will use this -- in a creative way! 

Dear Lord, I pray for this one -- who has lost the passion to wake up, move forward, and see Your will in all of this present circumstance.   I pray for this person and know that in this intense pain and suffering ...YOU can be Lord and King within his  life.  Lord, YOU are the alpha and the omega - the beginning and the end and You have allowed  this trial within his life ....but YOU are right there. 

God I pray this beloved one will fall upon the knees that are strong and yet so week, and I pray that as Your beloved falls, they call upon You.  I pray she calls upon You for help.  I pray she calls upon You for forgiveness and she calls upon YOU for some hope.    Lord, I pray she  will call upon You as Your word affirms to me that when she  calls upon YOU -- YOU will find her....and she  will find You.
 Jer. 29.12-13.....  Call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all of your heart.  

Lord, this beloved's heart is torn, badly ripped in half and there does not seem to be a way to patch it together.  Lord, this beloved's one heart is maybe hard....to anything of YOU right now...cause I have this feeling -- he could be blaming YOU.  How could you Lord....???  How could you allow this hurt to happen?  Were you not watching God?  Did you not see your troubled one and not STOP it?   Lord, I pray that 'if' these thoughts are swelling within the thoughts of Your beloved...then, I pray that as the anger settles...as the hurt settles...in the quietness of a still moment...I pray YOUR beloved hears YOUR voice Lord, and seeks Your forgiveness.... but I believe Your beloved has to find You first Lord.  He will have to forgive the hurt, forgive the circumstances, and forgive the situations... He will have to forgive himself, others, and forgiveness is something he will become an expect in.   And I believe that Your beloved will rise up OUT Of these ashes....but in the meantime -- bind the enemy away from Your beloved....and protect them. 

And Lord, as I close this prayer, I trust that You are in the middle of this crisis of faith.  I believe that Your Love can heal his/her pain.  I believe that a relationship with Your Holy Spirit is what is needed to gain power and move beyond this deep and terrible pain and hurt..... Lord, there is family around this beloved one, speak to them  - help them to speak life.  Lord, for the friends around this one - help them to speak life to him/her.  Lord, for the ones YOU will use within this one's life within the next few days....may YOUR glory be revealed, may YOUR will be done, and may this one that is heavy on my heart -- feel HOPE in YOU. 

So with that -- I release this beloved one into YOUR hands....and I will trust that YOU will comfort, as only YOU can.     IN Jesus name, amen.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

I must follow up the last blog -- When in a Crisis ....

God's Word is our weapon....our sword. 

Tonight, I felt and saw some very deep hurt and pain.  To see a person,  so utterly helpless and in deep grief can motivate even the most coldhearted to cry.  The community came forth this afternoon and I was amazed and comforted by such  a display of love and united front for a father,   son,  and their family.

 It seems like a 'little' gesture of comfort to hug a mother and let her know you have been praying -- but I have been in a place where there was deep deep pain and when that person stated to me that he or she was in prayer and was in continued prayer --  my soul was filled with HOPE.

Still when I am told, " I prayed for you..."  ..... My heart is full and hopeful.  

Prayer is it.

It is NO coincidence that this  past weekend... the WAR ROOM ( movie )  opened up in theaters. 
It is NO coincidence that you are reading this tonight.   
It is NO coincidence that God has placed you within this community, within THIS period of time and within THESE friends and family around you.
It is NO coincidence that our community is mourning the loss of a very bright star.

And it is NO coincidence that  this topic has to be shared.

  Satan is a liar.   Per research, there are over 1 million people that commit suicide each year.  That is about 1 every 40 seconds.   The stats of younger people and teenagers continue to rise.

 The spirit of suicide is a very real and demonic.  Everything God created -- life -- is copied and used in a counteractive way by Satan.   He steals, kills, and destroys.  The demon or  spirit that convinces a person that they are worthless - is very real.  Take a look at our world -- you must agree, we won't be a complete peace until heaven.

 But even as I state that, I have this  complete and real peace that in a special woman's last moments...she called out to Jesus her Savior.  She was welcomed into heaven and glory....  and Satan did not win.    And this very sad time -- will bring Glory to God.  

As....  there will be beauty out of these ashes.  IT will take some time, and more tears -- but if we call upon our LORD- seek the Holy Spirit within us -- we will overcome.  

And her family will be different...but there will be healing  - there will be.  

Therefore,   it is with a little trepidation that I share this.  Some may read this and feel it is too soon to write and share this -- but the HOLY Spirit is reminding me that TIME is short.   For far too long, Satan has been able to beat people down -- and this girl -- is doing EVERYTHING possible through God to send that devil to HELL.  

Over 400 people read and/or shared my recent blog post about being thrown a man sized weight.  People are hungry to make sense of a loss.  People want the hurt to be less.....  I pray that these words  the Holy Spirit writes through my fingers -- brings comfort and insight to your own relationship with your Heavenly Father. 

Therefore, I am following up my previous blog with God's word and perhaps THIS can help a reader tonight or another person who is going to be called by God to intervene for another - as a crisis hits.   I found this as a resource from a Jan Hunt book on suicide prevention.

Lord -- again, that THIS is Your encouragement through this media -- may THIS bless You Lord.  In Jesus name.   - Michelle


When we find our selves in a crisis - state aloud: 

"I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'"   Jeremiah 29.11

In Crisis...pray --

"In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge: let me never be put to shame: deliver me in your righteousness.  Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue: be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me."  Psalm 31: 1-3

In Crisis.... recite Scriptures aloud: 

"Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed"   Psalm 57.1

In Crisis .... claim God's promises: 

"My comfort in my suffering is this : your promise preserves my life".  Psalm 119.50

In Crisis.... Listen to Christian Praise Music and Scripture Songs -- 

"Sing to the LORD,  you saints of his: praise his holy name...Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning"  Psalm 30. 4-5

In Crisis.... Consider HOW special it is to be a child of God: 

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us,  that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"   1 John 3.1

In Crisis....question yourself -- 

  • Why do I feel the need to hurt myself? 
  •  What do I think I will accomplish through this?
  • According to God, is this the truth or a lie?
  • Are my actions and feelings reflecting my true identity in Christ? 

 "Surely you desire truth in the inner parts: you teach me wisdom in the inmost place" Psalm 51.6

In Crisis... make positive affirmations -- 

  • I am worth being treated with goodness and kindness. 
  • I am a child of God.
  • God loves me and has a purpose for my life. 
  • I am also loved by others.
  • Even though I can't see the future, I will walk by faith, not by sight.  

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you: he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid: do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31.8

In Crisis... read and review encouraging words: 

  • Reread positive notes and letters from family and friends. 
  • Recall those who believe in you. 
  • Rehearse God's promise on your life.... scritpure!.  

  • ...don't act on impulse -- don't take action to harm yourself -- don't act rashly -- don't get in your car and drive  if there is a possibility you will drive recklessly 

In Crisis....  CALL for HELP.... 

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"   Ecclesiastes 4.10

In Crisis .... are you willing to be willing?

Are you broken --  
"unless the LORD had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, 'my foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me.  When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul"  Psalm 94. 17-19

Will you YIELD to HIM?

Prayer is needed......   "Submit yourselves , then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Come near to God and he will come near to you"   James 4. 7-8

Be willing....... "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you with my righteous right hand".  Isaiah 41.10

Be grateful .... How could one feel gratitude for what I must endure??? 

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"  1 Thes. 5.18

Be hopeful ....  
For God has promised:

"We rejoice in the hope of this glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces, perseverance: perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us".  Romans 5. 2-5

  Lord, you know  -- 
Lord, again I thank you that there will be beauty out of these ashes. 
Lord, be with the entire family as they go through the ceremony tomorrow and lay to rest a body.  And I  will believe and thank you for her spirit -- that is with You, as we will see her again.  IJN.