Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Spiritual Adultery..... and the Someones.....

A snowman.....yep, a snowman!
It is 'winter' right?

Two years ago this past weekend I figured out what it meant to commit adultery....spiritual adultery against my Lord ...Jesus.   It broke me.

I  had the opportunity to attend an ENCOUNTER weekend.  Two years ago it was quite 'colder' than it has been this winter.  Two years ago, the bags under my eyes were pretty thick and dark!  Two years ago, I knew that once the weekend was over, my husband and I had planned to separate again.  We had come to an agreement that it was time. I began to realize that free will is something God gave us for a reason.

What a miracle God can 'do' in HIS time.  Last year at this time, yes one year ago, we were moving in to our '2nd' new home.  We have now been in this new 'rental' for a year this coming weekend. How God can do 360's and turn things around is just a pure incredible miracle.

God's timing is perfect.  Really -- a year.  What can all happen in a year?   A baby can be born.  A child can be conceived.  One gets older.  One can lose a loved one and one can get a diagnosis that changes everything.   One can pay off a loan,  one can spend countless hours in prayer, and one's heart can harden.   One can also spend  endless hours in praise,  thanking GOD for a miracle and HIS covering and a blessing.  .......thanking HIM for the cross.

So, like I titled this - spiritual adultery....
Everyone is quick to judge when they hear the word 'adultery' and yet, I have found and know that God does not have levels of sin.  Sin is sin.

I found this in my bible's commentary near the book of Hosea:

Both spiritual and physical adultery are against God's law.

Both spiritual and physical adultery begin with disappointment and dissatisfaction--either real or imagined -- with an already existing relationship.

Both spiritual and physical adultery begin with diverting affection from one object of devotion to another.  ....this diverting of our affection is the first step in the binding process that leads to sin.

Both spiritual and physical adultery involve a process of deterioraton, it is not usually an impulsive decision.....but because you don't realize it, we finally do realize it when it is too late!

Both spiritual and physical adultery involve the creation of fantasy about what a new object of love can do for you...such fantasy creates unrealistic expectations ....and it leads to disappointment in all existing and future relationships.

That was deep - was it not?

I committed spiritual adultery.
Like it or not - that is that.

Israel rejected God's love...they committed Adultery.
The book of Hosea illustrates God's love for his people -- the sinners.

Hosea 3.1...."The Lord said to me, 'Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adultress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, thought they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes'".

Two years ago, on a Saturday night - I  came to a full realization that I had committed adultrey.
 Praise God I had people around me to help me take my sin to the cross. But God opened my eyes that weekend and I knew.  I already knew I was a sinner and I already knew that because of my own sin, and because of what I had heard my Lord tell me...I was suppose to forgive my husband of physical adultery...but I never really realized the pain I caused Jesus....what I did to put HIM on the Cross.

Two years ago at my Encounter, I experienced HIS love and teaching from some ladies that understood what it meant to commit spiritual adultery.  And, I had a vision  ( during extended prayer time ) and I saw, Jesus coming to pick me up out of the muck and mire and put me on HIS horse after he brushed off the dirt that was all over me and  then I experienced the most beautiful yellow....I believe I saw God's eye's for a brief moment.  I believe that I 'got it' on that night.....it all made sense.

 Thus that night, I was really able to totally give my marriage and my husband, and my job, and my family ....up to HIM.  I was finally able to TAKE my hands off and allow HIM to work within our lives.  I was finally able to say, I LOVE and trust YOU Lord.  It was that night, that I was washed clean of all of my sin. Washing clean of the sin I had no idea was all over me and I rededicated myself to HIM.

Then I returned home.  Learning to LIVE in that knowledge  has become  the true act of worship to HIM.   Learning to really LIVE what it meant to trust HIM is the hard part.  It has been two years.......

It has been two years of much love, renewed strength, prayer and fun.
It has been two years of counsel, fasting, and more prayer.
It has been two years of uncertainty and yet the most blessed peace.
It has been two years of a FRESH walk with Jesus.

HE has allowed scars, so I never forget!
I am so humbled.  I will forever sing of HIS praises.
HE has given me such a peace about so much, and the stuff I am still unsure of..I trust HE will lead, direct and show me the path.

But my heart aches for some.
Someone else needs to read this tonight.
Someone else has put other things in front of her Lord.
Someone loves his job too much, he  really doesn't see it but he make excuses and excuses as to why he doesn't  need to be in a church under the covering of a Pastor each weekend and his wife just agrees.
Someone loves their children way too much, ahead of their spouse and their needs come first and one day they won't realize it until it is too late, but that will cause rebellion.
Someone loves her body, or the idol worship of exercise,  to cloud their judgement, thinking and believing that God is going to notice their size in heaven...when in fact they are not putting that amount of time into learning about HIM. And her children are watching 'what' is important to their mother.
Someone else needs to ask themselves....is my husband my idol?

I can speak...as that was me.
 From the outside, I had so many believing I was this great warrior for God - I was at times.  I do believe I prayed and did as much as I knew HOW to do, but my view of God and my trust of HIM was so so so shallow.  And,  I did a great deal of GOOD for HIM and HIS Kingdom, but I failed, I allowed idolatry to sneak its way in and I did not realize it until it was too late.  But maybe it was not too late....I believe HE opened my eyes when I was ready to change!  I believe HE knew I had to fall out of love, allow a love to perish so it could be rebuilt, and I believe HE wanted so much more out of me.

I hurt for them.   The Someones.   I see some of them around me.  I know the pain that God will allow - HE wants NO one to perish.  I also hurt for their children...as the fruit of this rebellion will show up - later.  I hurt for them....I want to grab them and shake them- wake up. My husband and I talk about the someones often, he is better at discerning and reminding me that PRAYER is our battle tool and that with the ARMOR of HIM, we can be there when those Someones fall.

I hate it, but I believe those Someones have to fall....they have to be broken to be used.  Pride is the biggest that will fall. I had a lot of Pride.  A lot.

When you are really in lOVE with the Lord, and know exactly what Jesus did for you at the cross - you don't want anyone else to perish.  YOU want to spent moments and moments in worship ...reading, praying, and learning more...being close to HIM.  You understand what Prayer without ceasing means and you want to get plugged in.  YOU want more of HIM.

I saw a video/skype/ telecast of Francis Chan during the Passion 2013 conference back in January.  He was brought to tears and I won't forget what he said, "if you want to be close to Jesus and experience HIM...just ask, and begin to share that faith with the lost"..."YOU will get close very quickly...YOU can't help it - it will challenge and change you."

Lord, I always want  to speak in love, and I pray that those 'someones'....would see something in me that they want.  Oh God, open their eyes.  I am not your Holy Spirit, some of those Someones are SO blind and believe they are 'ok'...OH God....I don't want them left behind.  Oh Lord, spare them the pain of being knocked  to their knees, but if  You don't spare them and allow the Enemy to strike, let me be ready to pray for them and love on them.  Bring them to my mind, and to my husband's mind...we want to bind the Enemy and help them experience YOUR forgiveness.
 Lord, I pray my children will never experience spiritual adultery, God I pray they will make a covenant with you and hold tight.   Oh God, I see their idols - they are teens and yet, I know they know.  Oh Lord, it is so easy to allow the Enemy to get a foothold...in...oh God, if there is anything I am holding onto or beginning to become an idol - show me!  - Amen

Lord,  may I remember this:

"Above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins"  1 Peter 4.8

Lord, there are 4 families that are on my heart as I type...but Lord, there are more.  I know Brendan has been praying for others.  Lord, I know of family....Oh God....I want them all to experience YOUR full freedom because of what you did on the cross.  This blog has been a bit heavy......but it has been a coming for some time.  Lord, bless those Someones right now, I pray protection over them.  Oh God, open my eyes...I want to see with my spiritual eyes...what you WANT me to do.  I will Lord.  I want YOU to use me.  Amen.

your daughter!

Monday, February 25, 2013

...getting through it.....not OVER it...

Ok,  here is one of these posts that I pray won't be too random, but yet, God has been writing it in my head all day.  Or I should say the Holy Spirit has been speaking to me, God was just confirming it and then it just really made sense!

You see, I really want to be 'OVER' my past.  Now I know, and have blogged and said it before, our past is part of our destiny and it is a part of our history so we can't really deny it or try to escape it.  However,  I believe that we can GET over it.  It can be a part of our past, it does not dictate our future.

However, this past weekend, Evangelist Ken Gaub stated something profound during his speaking engagement at our church and it really stuck.

  "We don't get over things, we get through them."  Dah...

I know this.  I knew this.  It makes perfect sense and it really sunk in.  Profound!  I mean, I have heard this before, but yesterday it became REVELATION and answered prayer for me.

 So often I would claim forgiveness for this or for that and yet, I would find myself sometime later dealing again with that same thing or those feelings to forgive AGAIN.  Then I learned  that forgiveness comes in layers...and it a constant and daily thing.  We choose to forgive.   And I will accept the fact that I will always have to choose to forgive certain things that have occurred to me in my past, but I know that as time passes and as HE continues to mold and change me, I do believe that what I will have to choose to forgive will change and change.......as LIFE just happens.

I have claimed healing and a total emotional healing  with the past hurts within my marriage and there has been SUCH healing and yet, with one thought or one trigger  - I can be RIGHT back there in a moment.  Does that make sense?   I have sought God to forgive me for all that I have done, and I am by no means perfect, so I am consistently seeking HIS forgiveness for  when my flesh acts up and acts out!
Does this make sense?

It does to me.   But my mind, the mind that wants to learn and 'get over' stuff does not like that.  My brain and how I process things tells me to figure out the problem or whatever and then fix it and get over it!  But, God reminds me....HE is continually changing me and teaching and molding me.

Ok,  so, I am just going to get this off my chest or out of my head.....I need help.  More help. For the past month, I have been asking God some very specific questions about some certain thoughts and ideas.  And I have been asking HIM questions as to our future.  And I have been wondering again, am I healthy?  I mean, thought wise.  Are Brendan and I healthy?  Emotionally?    I mean, I went to see our therapist last weekend and it did me a world of good.  A world of good.  My husband and I had 'graduated' from a year of therapy last  February and our therapist just wanted us to 'live' and see how things went.  You can work at stuff, talk about stuff, but then there comes a time when you just have to LIVE....Anyway, we stayed in contact and the two of us talked about whether we needed a check up with her or not...and we both agreed we didn't.  Until the holidays came and both of us, admitted that maybe, just maybe we needed to have a check up.

Communication is key.  We were /are communicating so why need a therapy check up - cause we just do.  Did.  Anyway, that process has been started again and the thought of doing the HARD so that we both can get  through it.....is a necessary thing.  And I will admit, it makes me anxious and happy all in one breath.

My dear friend told me of a vision she had.   She is going through a trial with her marriage right now, and she wants to be like the vision she saw - a women coming out of the fire, more beautiful, pure silver ...with no smell of smoke like .....refined.

16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual 20 and commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. 21 So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. 22 The king’s command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, 23 and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?”They replied, “Certainly, O king.”25 He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”26 Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, “Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!”So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, 27 and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.

 She reminded me of Meshach, Shadrach, and Abednego and how they went into the fire...and came out -- NOT even smelling of smoke.

 I want to come out of all of this...NOT smelling of smoke!  I want to get through this NOT smelling of smoke.    And I said I have claimed healing, but I guess this will be the process for that total healing and getting THROUGH it- once and for all.  Praise God.

 Both my husband  and I are in a  new place now.  A place  where, we both believe God is going to use us in some ministry to help other couples find hope and encouragement after infidelity.   There I said it.  That was hard.  I don't want to have that label.  I don't want anything to label or cause him to feel guilt anymore.  I committed adultery too - against my Lord but people don't really know that unless they really know me or know my story.   We both need to establish the rules of what can be shared, what should not be shared, and maybe what needs to be shared.  Unsure.  But, I know God has brought us to this point and we are both willing to be used.  We want to be HIS light.   Again, that was HARD.  Writing on this blog is therapy to me and I have no clue who reads this unless they leave a comment or tell me, but know and believe God is protecting this.  I found GREAT wisdom and encouragement on a blog that I believe God led me too ..so, if this is of HIM, HE will lead another to read this and I pray she will read it and read between the lines and get a direct word from HIM....YOU too can come out of the fire - NOT smelling like smoke!

I am very proud of this new place that we are at.  I am excited about the future.  I am pleased to know and understand true freedom in Christ and know and believe we ARE getting through this.  God has left the scars, so that we don't forget where we have come from.  It also causes me to remember, that I never want to go there again.  It keeps me humble.  It keeps my man humble.

We do believe our marriage is a true miracle.  We do believe that GOD was the one that ordained it and  bound the chord back together but this time, HE really is the knot...HE really is at the center.  It is hard, but it is so worth it.    So, as counsel begins again, I am so sure that God will be using my talent to write - and I pray, it will be received -

I have delighted myself in the Lord, and HE is giving me the desires of my heart.  Twice fold!

Saturday, February 23, 2013

happy birthday to me!

How selfish hugh?
Blogging about me?


Happy birthday to me!

Have to share a funny first......the other night, I kept speaking about 'turning 48'..."I am turning 48 and how 50 was right around the corner and I did not LIKE it".......Brendan allowed me to vent a bit, and talk for a good minute or two and then he said, "chell, you are only going to be 47, I am 46".....

A light bulb went off and I laughed....I gained a whole year within a few minutes - talk about laughing!
Oh my.
Funny?    Well, I was laughing for a good 5 minutes!   Revelation!

Now I will share a sort of 'vain' and silly thing......I work out with a 'trainer' three days a week.  I pay her to help me  'stay in shape'.......I pay her to 'torture' me.  I say that and I laugh, but seriously, I pay her.  Can you hear that?  I have to, otherwise I WOULD NOT exercise.  I just would not.  And I must admit I do enjoy the 'me' time.  And, it gives me this liberty to 'eat whatever' ...WHICH has to STOP cause my muscles may be increasing but my pants are NOT...ha ha ha.  

 However, each week it does not seem to get easier ( to push myself )  and each week, I find my self taking Advil for something or having to squat gingerly on the commode cause I have some sore quads or very sore calves.  Or, I roll over in bed and wince cause my triceps or biceps  are bothering me.   And I tease and fuss at Shelley and remind her that she can't kill me, and she just pushes me harder!   Anyway....  here is the silly part that bothers me.   Or, this could be the vain part, as in my head I am like 24 years of age  and I can SEE  myself pop right up after doing 60 sit ups or crunches, and then get the barbells and do another 3 sets of reps of 20 chest lifts,   but I can't actually really 'pop up'... I mean, I can barely stand after one set, or I get 'T-REX' arms ( if you can picture that ) and my body reminds me, I am NOT 24.   I am NOT 24!   So, I  often have to remind myself, it is not how old I feel, but how old I THINK.....back to that THINKING thing again.....renewing of the mind. Etc. Etc.

Yesterday, I 'survived' Shelley's Advanced AB class for the first time.  I have been working with Shelley for about 15-18 months now and I am very proud of what I 'can' do now compared to when I started with her, but I have never even attempted a 30 minute AB class with her.  That was like the 'ultimate' scary thing.  However, I did it.  And I did survive it.  I could not do all the exercises but there was another lady there, whom I won't mention but she was older than I.  She is only a few years  older, and she kept up right with Shelley - so, I have a goal - if she can do it, I CAN!   Anyway, it is just mind over matter right?  Ok, enough with the silly stuff...

I did want to post  today about me...but really about God and thank HIM....47 times over  and here I go...

Lord God, Daddy, Father...

1. I just thank you cause I WANT to know you more. I thank you for that HUNGER!
2. I thank you Lord, for the 46 years, that have been VERY good ( even the hard ones ).
3.  Lord, I thank you for two parents that sacrificed much for me and my siblings. And I thank you for the other parents you have brought into my life....Brendan's folks.  Oh God what a blessing!
4. Lord, I thank you for the farm that we grew up on - in so many ways, it was the perfect childhood.
5.  Lord, I thank you for the siblings I fought with, pulled hair with, danced with, cleaned the barn with, lied with, played 'spud' with, and so many more...God, I pray that each of them with their spouses would just run to you and SEEK you with all of their hearts, that the fun can continue in heaven one day when we all get to see you!  And Lord, for the extended family of siblings - Bren's...them too Lord, that each and everyone of them will live in the freedom YOU planned for us!
6.  Lord, I thank you for my education and the ability you provided to attend school, college, and then a job - how I love my profession Lord, thanks!
7.  Lord, for the Florida chapter of our lives...moving here, getting a job ( thank you Mr. Clericuzio!) and then the continued rewards to work in Okeechobee County.  (there are TOO many to mention...but as I sit here this am, and reflect on the 'who' ...wow! ) And now the new chapter at PECS and the people there - I am so thankful!
8.  Lord, I thank you for our home that we built and loved and raised kids in.  Lord, for the many golf cart rides and the 'parties' TP would have on the cement with the neighbor kids.
9.  Lord, I thank you for neighbors ...Todd and Rachel that are family and the new neighbors we have now here in our new home.
10. Lord God I thank you for friends....old ones, new ones, and ones that have stood in the gap for us. And for the new dear friends you have for us in our future!
11.  Lord, I thank you for prayer warrior friends that hugged, loved, and stayed on their knees for me...for us...for my kids....for YOU to win.
12. Lord, I thank you for the strong women of faith, that boldly spoke up when they needed to. I continue to marvel at 'whom' YOU used as you are so creative.
13.  Lord, I thank you for YOUR word and its content....its breath....its truth.
14.  Lord, I thank you for YOUR life and the teachings you gave us while on Earth.
16.  Lord, I thank you for Calvary, and WHAT that means.
17.  Lord for your death -
18. Lord, for your death -
19.  Oh God for the cross.......I am so humbled that YOU died for me so that I would have the chance for eternal life.  Thank you God!
20.  Jesus, thank you .....
21.  Jesus........thank you.....
22.  Jesus, that I am a joint heir with you -- Oh, I am so humbled..
23.  Lord, thank you for the home you have provided us with now, bless Al and Denise, and I thank you for the memories  YOU have orchestrated here.
24. Lord, for our 'next' home - which you will provide and guide us too - I am thanking you in advance.
25.  Lord, I thank you for our Insurance office and all the 'stuff' that goes with that.
26. Lord for the blessings through the office, the opportunities and just the chance to allow YOU to shine through it.
27.  Lord, thank you for the future of the office, as you Lead and Direct the path....
28.  Lord God I thank you for fingers...to write, type, and encourage others, as I believe this is just a ministry I can use to remind and tell others - HOW great you are!
29.  Lord God I thank you for the patience you have bestowed upon me.
30.  Lord, I thank you for the faith you have increased in me.
31.  Lord, I thank you for the Church you have blessed me with and its teaching.
32.  Lord, for my Pastor and his wife and the elders of the church that continue to see the vision...'to make deiciples   that make deiciples'....  ( did I spell that right Lord? )
33.  Lord, thank you for the grace you give and the grace...for my spelling...aha ha!
34.  Lord God, thank you for the continued revelation that comes when I read your word. And for the teachers you have around me that teach me often through your word!
35.  Lord, thank you for YOUR word....again, and its truth!
36.  Lord, thank you for the Encounter weekend that I experienced back in February of 2011 and the power of YOU that just came upon me.
37. Lord thank you for the godly counsel that has gotten me to this point...I thank you for Donna Robards, and then Carlene, and then Dave, Linda and Connie  and others....others that YOU used. ( Random and yet perfect!)
38.  Oh God, thank you for Exodus 14.14...and the other scriptures that speak LIFE into a hurt soul.
39.  I thank you Lord, that the truth of God wins - means so much.
40. I thank you for the hurt that has brought you...and another back to YOU. Thank you for our past - it is our history and it has made us whom we are today.....
41.  I thank you for the blessing of being a mom to Taylor, what a women that loves you Lord. Tears of joy flow out as I look and believe ahead of her for her future....hold her heart!
42.  I thank you for Hunter and his future, as I know it will be serving you. OH God, I can't wait to see what YOU have for him!
43.  I thank you for Brendan. Period.  I can't begin to start....somethings are best left unsaid, but as I believe you impressed upon me the first time I saw him, back in 9th grade, I know that now he is and was very  important to me and he has become my best friend.  Lord, thank you for showing me HOW to love him the RIGHT way, with YOU first.    I especially thank you that we have been prayer warriors TOGETHER for you.
44.  I thank you for Kimberly, Jordan, and even Fred...and I am sure there are others that will celebrate their birthdays today!  I thank you for birthdays!     ( However, I believe that from this point on, I will celebrate #47 again and again and again!)
45.  I thank you for my students in my classroom and my sweet girl, Brooke, who brings joy to me each day as I work and try to 'prepare' these kids for middle school and the FCAT in April! OH God, did you catch that -- I want their BEST test scores!!  Not that I will be judged by a number, but the state does and I want my kids to SHINE!   You know Lord, I speak about you often to the kids - here is your chance for some 12 mini- miracles....amen!  LOL
46. I thank you for the miracle of YOU shed bled, and that YOU do raise people from the dead...from their slumber to freedom in you.....and
47. I thank you for me....I am only what I am cause of you.

I know you deeply love me,  you have provided ALL that I need, and I am humbled that YOU love me Lord....just as much as you loved David, Sarah, and even Lot.  That just sort of freaks me out - that you LOVE me that much...and yet, it doesn't.

People say I am this 'strong' women....ha...if they could only see me as I literally grab your word and fall asleep with it on my chest crying out to you - YOU make me strong - it is ALL YOU!

People say I have great faith...or is it stubbornness?  Either way - it is what YOU planted in me.  YOU made me this way.   I hear that people look up to me ....oh God...I pray they don't put me on a pedestal, as I will fail...I pray THEY see YOU in me...as ONLY YOU ..only you 'is' the one we should admire. I pray they see YOU in me.

Happy Birthday to me, Lord, thank you for the 46 years.  As I live #47 out....I want to finally read your ENTIRE word from start to finish and find NEW and fresh revelations.  I want to run at least 3 5K's and I want to be like Kim and keep up with Shelley in AB class.  Big goals - right?  Funny ones?   Selfish?  Oh and I want to 'ride' that bike by myself too now that I am legal.

But really Lord, my biggest goal, is just to be your servant, your steward, and BE the light ( matthew 5.16) that others see - use me Lord, teach me more, continue to draw me near.  I just want to hear, 'atta girl' when I see you someday.

- me

Thursday, February 21, 2013

...astonishing things.....

The photo says it best, when we yield ourselves, to speak HIS words by the power of HIS spirit, astonishing things can happen.....

God wins.
God heals.
God answers prayer.
God does unbelievable things.
The God that placed the stars in heaven, formed me....and loves me just as much as HE loved David....I am after HIS own heart - like David.

People say we need God...but HE really needs me....for fellowship, that is why I was created.

I sit here humbled, so humbled at 'what' HE has done for me.

And I don't want to forget WHAT HE did on the cross for me...for my family...for others.

When we yield ourselves....when we take our hands off of stuff, when we allow the hurt to hurt, when we allow HIS pruning, when we allow GOD to change the hearts and heads........

When we yield ourselves, and it is really ONLY by HIS power...as my flesh can't do it on its own......

THEN...astonishing things happen.
Miracles happen.
MArriages are restored.
People get healing - physically and emotionally.
People change.
Mountains are moved.
Things happen.
Smiles are appreciated.
Sadness is a little less 'sad'...and even when our circumstances seem ....hopeless, we have HOPE.

When we yield.


Sunday, February 17, 2013

...been quiet....true repentance bears fruit...

Not so sure how long this post will be.

Been thinking and praying a lot.

Last week in the Beth Moore bible study of 'When Godly people do Ungodly things', I was whammed....is that a word?  God reminded me, HE does not want me to forget.  HE reminded me that before I was 'good' and 'proud'....  or 'had'...but now all I want to be is 'healed'.

I claimed a BIG healing within the last month and I believe it.  However, with that claim, the Enemy came right back with vengeance!   Good thing for HIS word.  Ex. 14.14.  God fought for me, I needed only to be still.

Am I making any sense?   I guess I am trying to just be brief.  (You may have to go back and read my post 'do not judge' first.)

Beth Moore wrote in the lessons for the week....."Muster up every bit of courage within you and ask God to baptize you in a tide of sorrow over your sin.  Ask HIm to do it for as long as necessary until full repentance comes.".    I guess THAT is WHAT HE has been working on me with.....

......mustering up the courage to really repent over my 'judgements'.
Repent over my thoughts.
Repent over allowing the Enemy to sneak his way back in for a bit.

I mean, we are never perfect and this life is challenging.....and will continue to be a challenge, that is what makes it interesting!

And this evening, HE blessed my socks off again.  Just by being in HIS word, my mind is renewed and I get a new insight and knowledge of HIS doings.

And, HE blessed me today- fellowship with my Pastor and his wife and a new couple.  HE blessed me with the ability to 'relate' and share and tell of HOW good God has been to me...to us...and to know and see, WHAT happens with we walk by faith and not by sight.  To be in 'this' side is like living from glory to glory.



While in HIS word, I believe God was saying, "well done girl...continue to do what I am guiding you to do'..walk with ME, enjoy my Presence and be thankful."

 Beth Moore says:  "True repentance bears fruit.  I am convinced that anyone who has been wholeheartedly, sincerely, and purely devoted to Christ,  and yet,  has gone through the horror of seduction,   will come out of it-- with a humility that can last a lifetime."

Me, Michelle...says:    ....I am counting on that!  I am a witness to that!  I mean me...I believe fruit has been created!

I am seeing much fruit and it is amazing!

 God is much bigger than anything I have been through...or have seen thus far, and if I did not believe that - I would be history!

True repentance also swells grace.  I have seen that too.  I have experienced the grace God has given me.  It brings tears to my eyes, I am most thankful!
 I  have heard a loved one tell me, he is thankful for the grace I gave him.

Grace heals.
I know we are healed. God has left scars - but that is to remind us of the pain and it keeps us humble.
I am healed.
Now to enter into this 'next chapter' or sequel of our lives.

So blessed.
So blessed.
Humbled Lord, humbled.  G'nite!

Saturday, February 9, 2013

....do not judge......

Ok, I have to share.  God has been showing me  something for a little time now. 

I will start with this:  "If we do not abide in prayer, we will abide in temptation.  Let this be one aspect of our daily intercession:  "God, preserve my soul, and keep my heart and allits ways so that I will not be entangled."  When this is true in our lives, a passing temptation will not overcome us. We will remain free while others lie in bondage."  - John Owen 1616-1683

Insightful words, right?  

God had brought me to this....and  from HIS word HE brought me to this verse  over and over ....
 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive and you will be forgiven.".  Luke 6.37

Let me rewrite it, "do not judge michelle, and you will not be judged - even the thoughts you are thinking...do not condemn, and you will not be condemned michelle ..remember Ex. 14.14 - I will do that at judgment time, and forgive michelle  as I have forgiven you"......


You see, I am going to open my heart here. Please, this is very personal and I am trusting God in this.

Disclaimer:  As I have said many times before, this blog is my therapy and I have noticed and been told that several people read it and crave its message and it helps their walk. It helps my walk, to go back and read WHAT God has done.  This blog is my journal......a part of it.   So, that is cool and I always want to be used of HIM, but I would NEVER want to hurt my husband, my own self, or another with what I 'published' just so I could get my thoughts out there.  So, as I have said before, if you love me, pray for me and read. If you want to talk about it - call me or message me.  If you are going to share this with another, I pray it is in love and it is because God asked you too and I will trust that God will use my testimony for HIS will.  For those reasons I won't 'tag' this blog post to Facebook but just leave it here as I believe God will draw the ones to it that should read it.  Now back to my humbled heart...that was judging......

  I think my judging was against a few that are within my life.  They  are seeking God and seeking help, but in my opinion -- NOT doing it as I would  or maybe NOT as I did it.....does that make sense?  And it is just not the ones close to me, but others that have come into our prayer life.  I believe God is showing me that HE is still on the throne and HE is God.  Ok, I will use this example, I sought forgiveness from my husband.  You ask why?  Cause I knew I had too.  Our problems were not one sided.  People judge him and believe that  I am the remarkable one, but I am not - in God's eyes, all sin is sin.  I think Reinhart Bonnke said it best, "we all know God will forgive the BIG sins, but we NEED God to forgive our little sins - those are the ones that will condemn us to hell".  I believe that was the beginning of this revelation to me, God was showing me clearly -- sin is sin.  And I guess I am judging the sin to a degree but really judging how the 'therpy' is moving along.

I have had two situations within the past week were I knew that I knew -- I had preconceived ideas and notions  about situations and God showed me otherwise.  I had three  situations with 'people' examples where God showed me my opinion of those people had to CHANGE!  It was very clear.  I knew it as soon as someone was speaking to me that God had appointed that story and that time for me to hear it!
  To top it off, my cell Pastor, had us share a time when God was disciplining us and HE uses HIS word...oh my!  That was her topic last Monday, God was clearly reminding me that HE wanted something to change in me.

 I have several examples.  Not going to share them all.  The bottom line,  it is like Beth Moore will say, "I am a sinner, I was in such a PIT of destruction and HE saved me- loved me OUT of that PIT".

 God has loved me out of my pit.  HE has given me so much, but I believe HE is going to continue to change and mold me for HIS purposes and THAT is what I want.  I do.  When Linda ( cell pastor ) made the comment about God spanking us...I did not want to own up to that, as God has been changing me but I have NOT felt a good spanking in a  long time  and I hope to NEVER again...but this past week, he was showing me clearly that HE has higher expectations for me. ( I sort of thought I had survived most of the HARD spankings.....really God? )

Do not judge....It is 'easy' to not judge life styles, what they choose to eat,  or choices of music...it is harder not to judge someone's actions and thought processes when they seem to be serving the Lord.  ....Did you hear that...'seem' to be?  THERE it is... I was judging their walk......and, I have NO right to judge, but in prayer......in prayer.....in prayer, we can discern stuff and God shows and tells me much, but I need to make sure it is within prayer.  It has to be in LOVE!

Sometimes I think it is just my natural 'mother' instinct or 'older sister' avenue...I want to help....I want to fix...I just want to shake up a few and say ....LISTEN...I have been there...and no matter what the circumstance - BELIEVE HE can fix it, change it, remove it...just BELIEVE....

But, as my husband reminds me - it has to come in HIS perfect timing and in the meantime, we were faithful, hope and pray, without ceasing. 

And within all of this, God revealed to me, I was still harboring a bit of unforgiveness.  Really God?  I am still holding onto unforgiveness?

  Bottom line, I was expecting - still - some sort of restitution or apology or something from a person that I have claimed to forgive.  I just got done reading the blog post about Unforgiveness from Elisabeth Cochran and I shared it on facebook.  ( I highly recommend  reading it too!)

She wrote:  
So, I must begin the arduous task of forgiving.  I do not want to, I must admit.  I think I enjoy, somewhere deep down, savoring this pain.  But, as they say, holding onto an offense is like drinking poison and expecting your offender to die. My offender does not care.  My offender more than likely gives no thought to me.  I am the one keeping this alive.
And though, yes, there are innumerable Scriptures that prod me to forgive, I think what I’m struck with the most is the number of verses where God tells someone he is going to forgive them or has forgiven them; which means, God is a forgiving God.  Which means, I should be a forgiving person.  Because I so desperately want to be like him.  And I am desperate to live free the way he wants me to live free.  And so it begins.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. –Colossians 3:13-

 I believe I had a person on a pedestal not because I felt they were godly..but I felt they were SO ungodly and now...it was time for the godly to get her  apology. 
I am being very honest.
  She does not have to do that.  No, she does not.  Her relationship with our God does not effect mine.
  I have read books, had counsel, and even my physchologist said: do not expect an apology.  Do not.  But I guess, I was still holding out for one.  I admit, I was.  Like Elisabeth said, my offender probably does not care - I am keeping this alive.

Let me add:

 I believe my husband and I had a REAL emotional healing in the past year....as we come to the 'anniversary' of our moving into our 2nd rental...that is when certain things began to change.  That is when I believe,  I was able to breathe, even with uncertainity, that maybe, just maybe,  the man I married could be trusted again.  And God did heal.  And he is a man now that I trust.  And to add, there have a been a few arguments and LIFE  that has occured in the past month and I did not crumble, did not take on blame, did not allow it to manipulate the home....as I knew I had a healing from MANY childhood hurts and disappointments and now I was a 'big girl'...with mature thinking in most areas.  And so, with the healing I received last weekend ( at the Gospel Fest ) and with just living....well, I figured all was ok.  And then the Enemy reminded me  -- that apology that I am going to receive from the woman...there I said it....I really believed I deserved an apology.  Oh how the Enemy works, with whispers and thoughts.  That is why Paul said, we must RENEW our minds.....As I said, I wanted an apology.  And I really believed I deserved one....... Until I heard someone say yesterday, "I am remarkable"...

I am not.   Remarkable by myself.

 God put it all together.  That  next 35 minutes in my car was a chatting/prayer  session with my Lord....that was it....this remarkable woman still had unforgiveness...she still was hurting and in reality was mad at God for not delivering that prayer request.  Wow. 

What else can I say?  I am going to continue to pray for her.  And ask Jesus to make sure, I am forgiving her- totally.  And I am going to contiue to pray for the ones around me that in in the middle of struggle and bathe them in prayer, smile and listen when I can, but trust God to move within them and their hearts. Trust God to speak to them as HE does to me.  Trust God in HIS timing.    And I won't judge them if they continue to live or lie within their hurts, pit,  and /or sin...as one has to be MOST hungry and WANT to be out of the PIT!  And I will continue to allow God to disciplilne and teach me as HE fulfills his purpose for me.  And I will cherish the fact and believe that 'she' too, can have or has the SAME relationship with God that I do.  I have too.  I want to feel that way, so until the feeling comes I will proclaim it in faith.  I don't WANT anything to withhold any blessings.  I serve a remarkable God..and I CAN do all ( remarkable ) things WITH HIM.  But I also know, God did the miracle and healing, as we know HE will use us, he has begun to prepare our hearts.  It is a process ..a slow process but in HIS timing.  It is perfect. 

When we really get to the bottom of what really hurts us or what we are not fogiving...well, in my case, it has been God at the bottom...I mean, I really have to 'let' God off the hook ......as I believe HE is in control of all things, and yet, HE gave us free will.  Trusting God.  Trusting Him.  Trusting in Him that HE can love other sinners like me - JUST as much.  What revelation this past week. 

I had been thinking and praying..... Chell, you haven't had a BIG revelation of sorts from God -- and yet, HE was teaching me and preparing me for this all the time.  I am so thankful for a God who does not punish and SPANK me hard, but loves me enough to allow me to SLOWLY see where I needed to show more grace and mercy and forgive.....

I am who God says I am.
I can do what God says I can do.
I can do all things through Christ JEsus.
God will do what He says HE is going to do -- and I am going to believe God.
His word is alive and active in me. 

I will abide in prayer.
I will trust the discerning gift HE has given me
I will memorize the do not judge verse...
I will pray for her.
I will not doubt HIS purpose for me.
I will believe  God wins.
I do.

- humbled, Michelle

And I would add, if this did help you in your struggle or walk with him, let me know.  Iron sharpens Iron!

..part II - Reinhart Bonnke Gospel Fest

If you look closely, you can see the 'top' of my hair under Brendan's profile at Praise and Worship time...and that is my Pastor right there in the forefront in the black shirt - hands lifted!

I love this!  

And this is Mr. Bonnke on the 2nd night - we were sitting this close, this is what I saw as he preached!
Ok, I have to share a few photos... I wanted to make sure I shared about the miracles and the 2nd night of the Gospel Fest.

What a tremendous outpouring.  This was the 'first' American Crusade and so therefore, MANY kinks had to be worked out.  The 2nd night was just as exciting as the first, but all of the organization issues and just little housekeeping things were figured out.

Rev. Bonnke mentioned the Holy Spirit had told him and confirmed that the CFaN or Christ for All NAtions would indeed to  do another crusade in America.  Brendan quoted Daniel Kolenda often and Mr. Bonnke did too...'what is the difference between the people in Africa and America?...what is the key that makes the crusade?....why is there SO many miracles and unbelievable moments there....and maybe not here?  ....the difference is YOU!'.  We make the difference.  There is a LACK of faith here in America - we are tainted.  We just are. If you remember that Jesus spoke about that, he did 'less' miracles within his hometown and more outside of that, as the people nearest him were the most deceived.

 Deceived.  I wa.  I was deceived  for so long.  However, I was able to witness the  unbelievable stuff and I know it was an act of God. When people are SO hungry and willing to be obedient - GOD can move.  THERE is power in HIS name!

Today as I was driving, I heard the song from Kutless  "What Faith can do".  What a song, for literally years, I have sung that song and each time, tears will wash me,  tears.....

      God can move the mountains.... hope that never ends, even when the sky is falling...
     Impossible is not a word, just a reason for someone not to try.....
     Everybody takes a step ..out on the water...it will be  all right....
.....don't you give up now, the sun will soon be shining, you have to face the clouds to see the silver lining!

Anyway, I wish I could plug in the music right here and let that song play as I write, there were over 400+ people added to the Kingdom of Heaven through this outreach.   As I said earlier, it was most touching to see a very older couple come forward for the gift of salvation.

  I witnessed a lady with a cane hobble to the stage, get prayed for, and get up - not needing her cane and with tears of wonderment, just stand there in awe as it just stopped her and she was overcome with emotion.

I listened to an RN who has had a recent 6 month battle with (forgive my spelling) fibromalagia  and  had to stop working because of severe pain..... but that week, she had decided that God was going to heal her, and she made a job interview and came forward for prayer and knows - she was healed.   She just knew it was HIS timing to heal her and going to the Crusade and being prayed for was a leap of faith.  Mr. Bonnke or Mr. Kolenda did not do the healing...God did...her faith did...She was bending without pain, excited to go to the job interview in a few days, and just knew she was going to be fine.  She could not wait to get to our area and share the news.  Brendan and I were to be listening to the stories of healing and then celebrating with the faithful and getting their names and so forth but we were also to be discerning as to 'whom' would share publicly.    Sharing would be important as it encourages others.  I know this first hand - I clung to stories and listened to women who had been in my shoes and found healing and restoration within their marriages.....I realized how important it was to hear of God's miracles and HIS favor.    So, as we listened and prayed, and I did not do it on prupose, but I began to allow the Enemy to whisper in my head, 'you are not qualified to do this, how do you know they are not faking it?'....my flesh was taking over....

Oh how I HATE the Enemy and now I can so recognize his lies, that I boldly claimed right there, to myself, "get the hell away from me Satan"..."God has placed me here cause I know! - through HIM!".

I will know THROUGH HIM!

 And I continued to pray, listen and then this lady..the RN came to me.  I believe it was God helping me discern.   Now I say, 'RN'...funny how when she told me that and I heard 'RN' ...then my mind was like 'judging' that it was real.    And, she did share her testimony and I continued to listen to others and like I said, by our 2nd night -- things went very well.   There were more healings on the 2nd night, as I know people were less skeptical and there was more faith.  I know my faith increased.

But back to that 'RN' thing, God was beginning to really teach and show me about judging....

Oh how God has been showing me these past few days about judging.....that is another blog.

Anyway -- her healing was real.  I am so sure that I will see her again, probably at church maybe or somewhere if not now, in heaven and she will remind me or ask, 'do you remember me?'  And I will say, "YES...I do.... You're  the woman God used to remind me that HE is in control and HE heals and HE does what HE wants to do and that our FAITH is the key and to trust HIM and where HE has placed me!"

And, to wrap this blog entry up,  as I was searching the web for a photo of a miracle, and then I searched the Crusade and images...I came across the first photo I placed into this blog.  As I said, you can clearly see my Pastor praising God, but if you look carefully ....in front of his nose... you will see the profile of my husband.  And that blond next to him is me -- I am actually on his right side.

In that photo,  I see a healing...a miracle....that man there is my husband, excited to be in a place of worship and I believe he was MORE excited about this weekend than our entire team...LOL...well, maybe not.  That man is the man God told me he would be, like DAvid a man after God's own heart.  THAT is what I would hold onto each time I listened to that Kutless song or any time it felt like God was not moving the mountain.   I received a BIG healing - emotionally - again on this night.  God is so faithful.

What a miracle I witnessed as I heard my husband say, "I just got so overwhelmed, what I had been praying for for months happened, it was such a blessing from God."...As you see,  I DO know HOW he feels....I have witnessed much and when ones prayers are answered and answered BEYOND what you expect...that can ONLY be God and a MIRACLE.....it increases our faith.  It helps me encourage another.  IT gives me hope.  I pray it gives others hope too!

This weekend will long be a pivotal moment in our walk with Christ - for both of us.  And for many.

We are sad many  we had hoped, did not get the chance to attend, especially the ones we invited - but we both know - GOD knows....GOD has them....GOD will win!  


Humbled, Michelle

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

and then there was TP...

Taylor Pritchard
How do I begin?
22 years ago this evening, I sat in a hospital bed, and Brendan and my sister and I played Cribbage and other stupid card games.  I had been there since about 8am when they tried to 'start' enducing me.  At about 9pm they said, OK...go home and come back tomorrow and there will be a baby. 

I was 40+ weeks pregnant.  She was born by C-Section at just before 9pm on February 6, 1991.  Tomorrow is her birthday. 

22 - what a number.  She survived her first year as 'an adult' quite well!  She still lives at home - WHICH we love, as we still get to enjoy her, but as we watch -- she is slowing preparing herself to be on her own.  It never really bothered me when she started school, or when she ended high school.  When she went away for college - that was an adjustment, but knowing that she is soon to really leave the nest, I am beginning to see and experience some 'withdrawl'. 
She has a fire within her.  She is more like Brendan than she is like me, but that is a GOOD thing.  She is funny, very personalble and well loved.  She is adventerous to a point, eager to learn new things, and loves loves loves some little kids - special cousins and others.   She has many friends and several close ones that keep her humble.  She also mentors a few, loves even more, and keeps a tab on her brother.   

I was the oldest of 9.  When Brendan and I wanted to start a family, it was a determined there would be only 1-2 kids.  We were being selfish.  We wanted quality time with them.   WE wanted to give our kids everything they needed and then share some extra with them.  Brendan and I were always about 'memories' ...giving them memories.  Trips to museums.   Day trips to Disney or just out of town for dinner.  Trips North to see family.  Trips just to the beach.  And then the experiences....a pet...her own room...birthday parties....volleyball....music lessons....and any type of ART book or supply imagined! 

She is a GREAT kid...she no longer is a kid, she is a wonderful woman of God.  She may only be 22 but she is wise beyond her years.  She won't admit it, but she has become one of my dearest friends, but I admit, I probably share TOO much at times with her. 

I do long for the day, when I get to help her plan her wedding, or at least share in it.  And I know, God will bring her that perfect man, HE has been preparing for her in HIS time.  I have been praying for him since she was a baby!   I can't wait to help her SET UP her classroom as she helped me in mine ---many many many times.  I also CAN wait to be there, in the outside waiting room when her first born arrives.  I pray God gives me and Brendan those tidbits of blessings. 

She has a calling on her life and she knows it.  I know God has great plans for her, HE continues to reveal them to her often!  When she shares her faith, people listen. 

Taylor is ...like a tree, planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither and whatever she does..shall prosper  ( psalm 1.3 ) cause she has already stood some storms within her life and she has obeyed.  She shall prosper, cause she contiues to put HIM first.  HE knows her heart. 

Happy Birthday, I wish you the BEST 2013 and year 22...as this will be the year you graduate from College and  this will be the year when God will show you HIS next step for you!  I am so proud of you.  Your dad is equally proud and we know, you are HIS.  Words are hard to come by to really capture what we feel for you, we marvel often, 'how did we get this great of kid?'....'it was God, only God could of made you this way'...we only take credit for the blonde hair and athletic ability!

 Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established.  Provers 16.3

seek justice, love MERCY, walk humbly with our God..Micah 6.8

God is so proud of you -  it is through tears,  I say, bless you my child-

Happy Birthday!  xxxoo - 'ma'

Friday, February 1, 2013

tonight was a FIRST...just a FIRST...

This photo is sort of hard to see, but this is what I saw tonight  in my head.  A sea of people.  I have these visions of these HUGE camp meetings or crusades in which Reinhard Bonnke preached or even the early Billy Graham crusades.    And so, I can close my eyes and see a SEA of people and imagine, that  this is sort of how heaven will be. Mr. Bonnke is probably the biggest soul winner in our generation, he and GOD.  God has used him.  He was willing to be used.

Tonight was a FIRST. And please, note - this sort of thing would of  FREAKed  me out for MANY MANY MANY years.  I remember being newly married and having a few speakers come the to A/G church in Okeechobee and it was sort of like 'hell and fire/brimstone' preaching and I would sit there and just go - 'um'.   To be honest, I was fearful of what 'god did'.   I was raised CAtholic. There was a message of how good God was, but also that HE punished.  And there were no outward displays --- I mean, I remember when Mrs. Butzine tried to get the congregation to sing this new song with hand motions back in ...um...1978 or 1979 and it caused a stir.  Mass lasted 40 minutes and hour tops.  Sitting in a church service that lasted more than 45 min. was TORTURE!   ( Tonight - the 3 hours went by in an INSTANT!)   And I hoped to go to heaven.  It was when I met Brendan  and learned that he knew he was going to heaven, than I began to go --- "really, how do you know that?"

  I saw something in Brendan in those early years of marriage, something that HELD me when God asked me to show grace and mercy to him,  as God was drawing him near even in  his time of being the prodigal  who walked away.   Anyway,  back then, I would sit in that pew and bargain with God, 'don't let me be too weird, I don't have to WANT to worship that way'..as you see, I had such a fearful love of God.  But oh,  how HIS character is NOT fearful.  I am not afraid of God now...I am afraid of what it would be like to 'not' honor God. God whoo'd me so slowly and I never really saw it until I realized how I had idols.  I never really realized it until HE allowed me to hit bottom, then I could finally really see HIS grace and HIS mercy and HIS tremendous love for us.  But that is another story, back to being fearful.  I am not afraid of God.    I am afraid for the people around me who take this so lightly.  I am afraid for what could happen if I don't honor God.  Anyway, HE draws us near and HE did.  Brendan and I have been to hell and back and tonight was another piece of healing. Tonight was a blessing, as we were in a ministry TOGETHER!

In the past year, I have been a witness to  and watched  as God answered many prayers as the  Prodical Son returned home but restoration has been taking place.  It is such a high.   It was such a high this eve!   It was/is a slow process, but God has allowed me to witness so much and it has increased my faith, made me stronger, and it has changed me.  I have witnessed and prayed for one who DID receive healing.  I have witnessed and prayed for one that DID receive deliverance.  I have prayed for one who DID receive a miracle in a 'perfect baby'.  All of those little chances to be USED, increased my faith and gave me HOPE.  Those are precious tidbits of blessings that have marked  my 2nd half with God.

In my lifetime, the  changes I have seen have been extraordinary.  But what I saw this eve, will be a life changing moment forever.  I have been home for 2 hours and can't sleep, I just want to SHARE! I believe the biggest revelation to me,  is that for so many years, I would believe and do cause I thought I needed too...now, it is cause I WANT to.  GOD changes our WANT to's!  

 Brendan will tell you as a child,  he saw,   but hardly experienced most of what God offered.  My perception of him as a Christian in those years was so different.    Tonight he would tell you had he flashbacks to his trip with his family to AFrica back in 1976 when they visited his Grandparents  in the Mission Field in Ghana, Africa.  Tonight I saw my husband's faith increase as tears washed his eyes as  the hundreds fled the alter.  TRemendous.   Tonight was amazing.  Just amazing.  I will share but please keep this to yourself, he was so excited to see his prayers answered and I replied, "I know, I DO understand that concept and I know EXACTLY how you feel to be a witness to it".  I am so proud of my DADDY in heaven that allowed me to see this.  As a woman, we want to help and be or do what is necessary to have a problem solved or a hurt comforted, but so often people ( namely men or our spouses) need to SEEK God and hear directly from HIM on their own.  The relationship has to be strong between the man and God, THEN he can be the husband and father he needs to be.  God allowed me to witness Brendan's revelation!

For almost 3 months, Brendan has been faithfully praying for healings, and salvations, and the people to invite or to bring with us.  We did send out invites, and then at the last minute, God blessed us and we were a part of a team of taking the testimonies and discerning as to which ones would be shared publicly.  WE were just the notetakers, the people FLOODED the alter and their excitement of wanting to share their miracle was heartwarming.  There were plenty of elders and intercessory prayer people that also discerned their testimonies so Brendan and I just  recorded and be blessed - but WOW.  I prayed that the people we invited were there, and I knew God was pleased with me being the sower. Seeds were sowed this evening.  We were both so blessed.   Brendan and I are believing this is the beginning of something in our United States.  Brendan said, "it felt like I  was back in Africa listening to my grandfather ( with a bit of German accent too)"  - Brendan was completely blessed.

There was/are  healings- lots of it/them.  Tomorrow is another night.  We believe there will be over 5000 there this eve.  WE believe God will be there and bless us with an even BIGGER delight!   I believe the lost souls as well as the believers here this eve were touched by God.  I was most touched by this 70+ year old man and his wife that received Salvation for the first time, as he walked away from the alter crying - that had to of been a HARDENED heart!    I know some will return again tomorrow just to see if it is legit.  It is.  Man it was.

I want to be a sower, God does not have me speaking to millions, but he has me around people everyday.  Lord, I will be so open to WHAT you have in store, thank you for today!

- IN Christ,
your daughter Michelle