Thursday, February 26, 2015

Spiritual Adultery and the Someones. Broken.



It is 'winter' right?
I pray the video comes through so you can watch my brother build a small snowman on top of a picnic table in a park of my hometown.    If the sound works...it is me, singing to my nephew - Oliver as he loves the movie "Frozen" and singing..."Do you want to build a snowman?"

I was in Wisconsin almost 2 months ago with family -- celebrating the end of a life -- our Grandmothers.  She was 93.  

It was a happy time.

I get 'many' happy times now.  In less than 40 days.... another very happy time is about to come.

I am honored and have the privilege to be able to help guide a bevy of beauties as God and the Holy Spirit use us to help some other women - GET FREE.  

Four  years ago this past weekend I figured out what it meant to commit adultery....spiritual adultery against my Lord ...Jesus.   It broke me.

I  had the opportunity to attend an ENCOUNTER weekend.  Four  years ago it was quite 'colder' than it has been this winter.  Four  years ago, the bags under my eyes were pretty thick and dark!  Four years  ago, I knew that once the weekend was over, my husband and I had planned to separate again.  We had come to an agreement that it was time. I began to realize that free will is something God gave us for a reason.

What a miracle God can 'do' in HIS time.  Three  years ago  at this time,  we were moving in to our '2nd' new home.  We have moved twice more and become 'vagabonds' to the post office, but oh  how God can do 360's and turn things around is just a pure incredible miracle.

God's timing is perfect.  God can do so much with HIS time.  From my Encounter weekend 4 years ago to our 'move into the Healing House'  three years ago -- much transpired.

Think about it, in a years time...   What can  happen?   A baby can be born.  A child can be conceived.  One gets older.  One can lose a loved one and one can get a diagnosis that changes everything.   One can pay off a loan,  one can spend countless hours in prayer, and one's heart can harden.    One can sit in a divorce court and lose everything.   One can also spend  endless hours in praise,  thanking GOD for a miracle and HIS covering and a blessing.  .......thanking HIM for the cross.

So, like I titled this - spiritual adultery....
Everyone is quick to judge when they hear the word 'adultery' and yet, I have found and know that God does not have levels of sin.  Sin is sin.

I found this in my bible's commentary near the book of Hosea:

Both spiritual and physical adultery are against God's law.

Both spiritual and physical adultery begin with disappointment and dissatisfaction--either real or imagined -- with an already existing relationship.

Both spiritual and physical adultery begin with diverting affection from one object of devotion to another.  ....this diverting of our affection is the first step in the binding process that leads to sin.

Both spiritual and physical adultery involve a process of deterioraton, it is not usually an impulsive decision.....but because you don't realize it, we finally do realize it when it is too late!

Both spiritual and physical adultery involve the creation of fantasy about what a new object of love can do for you...such fantasy creates unrealistic expectations ....and it leads to disappointment in all existing and future relationships.

That was deep - was it not?

I committed spiritual adultery.
Like it or not - that is that.

Israel rejected God's love...they committed Adultery.
The book of Hosea illustrates God's love for his people -- the sinners.

Hosea 3.1...."The Lord said to me, 'Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, thought they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes'".

Four years ago, on a Saturday night - I  came to a full realization that I had committed adultery.
 Praise God I had people around me to help me take my sin to the cross. But God opened my eyes that weekend and I knew.  I already knew I was a sinner and I already knew that because of my own sin, and because of what I had heard my Lord tell me...I was suppose to forgive  myself and others, but I never really realized the pain I caused Jesus....what I did to put HIM on the Cross.

Four  years ago at my Encounter, I experienced HIS love and teaching from some ladies that understood what it meant to commit spiritual adultery.  And, I had a vision  ( during extended prayer time ) and I saw, Jesus coming to pick me up out of the muck and mire and put me on HIS horse after he brushed off the dirt that was all over me and  then I experienced the most beautiful yellow....I believe I saw God's eye's for a brief moment.  I believe that I 'got it' on that night.....it all made sense.

 Thus that night, I was really able to totally give my marriage,  my husband, and my job,  my future, and my family ....up to HIM.  I was finally able to TAKE my hands off and allow HIM to work within our lives.  I was finally able to say, I LOVE and trust YOU Lord.  It was that night, that I was washed clean of all of my sin. Washing clean of the sin I had no idea was all over me and I rededicated myself to HIM.

Then I returned home.  Learning to LIVE in that knowledge  was a true  act of worship to HIM.   Learning to really LIVE what it meant to trust HIM is the hard part.  It has been four  years.......

It has been four years of much love, renewed strength, prayer and fun.
It has been four years of   prayer,  godly counsel, and accountability.  ( And  6 month check ups with our Marriage Therapist when needed! ) 
It was a  few  years of uncertainty and yet the most blessed peace; yet in the past two years, it has been such a rebuilding,  such a rewarding time, that ALL of the pain is gone.   ALL.   There are scars, but they are shrinking and turning white almost transparent.... Jesus does heal.  Completely. 
It has been four years of a FRESH walk with Jesus.
It has been the BEST four years of my life.
It has been the BEST four years of marriage .....with both will tease, 'this is our 2nd act' -- Our Sequel. 

 ( There has been CRUD around and some VERY hard times and tears -- In fact, my husband and I have never been so challenged with  situations within our circle of influence: however,  .....but if we are called to serve the body of Christ -- we must be willing to shed tears with our brothers and sisters in Christ and we must stand in the gap at times,  sharpen iron at times  ....and be on our knees -- ALL of the time.  )  

HE has allowed scars, so I never forget!
I am so humbled.
I will forever sing of HIS praises.
HE has given me such a peace about so much, and the stuff I am still unsure of..I trust HE will lead, direct and show me the path.

But my heart aches for some.

Someone else needs to read this tonight.
Someone else maybe needs this same Encounter Experience.  
Someone else has put other things in front of her Lord.
Someone loves his job too much, he  really doesn't see it but he makes excuses and excuses as to why he doesn't  need to be in a church under the covering of a Pastor each weekend and his wife just agrees.  She needs a godly leader.
Someone loves their children way too much, ahead of their spouse and their needs come first and one day they won't realize it until it is too late, but that will cause rebellion.
Someone loves her body, or the idol worship of exercise,  to cloud her  or his judgement, thinking and believing that God is going to notice their size in heaven...when in fact they are not putting that amount of time into learning about HIM. And the  children are watching 'what' is important to their mother.
Someone else needs to ask themselves....is my husband my idol?
Someone has committed Spiritual Adultery against their Lord.....  Jesus.

I can speak...as that was me.
 Ouch.
 From the outside, I  was this great warrior for God - I was at times.  I do believe I prayed and did as much as I knew HOW to do, but my view of God and my trust of HIM was so so so shallow.    ( I did not see that then. )  And,  I did a great deal of GOOD for HIM and HIS Kingdom, but I failed, I allowed idolatry to sneak its way in and I did not realize it until it was too late.  But maybe it was not too late....I believe HE opened my eyes when I was ready to change!  I believe HE knew I had to fall out of love, allow a love to perish so it could be rebuilt, and I believe HE wanted so much more out of me.


I hurt for them.
 The Someones.

  I see some of them around me.   Both my husband and I can 'see' them here and there and we meet them and just know.   I know the pain that God will allow - HE wants NO one to perish.  I also hurt for their children...as the fruit of this rebellion will show up - later.  I hurt for them....I want to grab them and shake them- wake up. My husband and I talk about the someones often, he is better at discerning and reminding me that PRAYER is our battle tool and that with the ARMOR of HIM, we can be there when those Someones fall.

I hate it, but I believe those Someones  may have to fall....they have to be broken to be used.  Pride is the biggest that will fall. I had a lot of Pride.  A lot.

Someone once told me,  " usually the  ones we have a hard time getting along with ---are the ones we SEE ourselves in, and often we don't like what we SEE".   She was a VERY wise bible teacher.   I can hear her often -- and I hear her voice saying it.  It makes so much sense.  The Spirit within me...the Holy Spirit in me, bears witness to their Spirit.

I know that I know -- I had a Spirit of Religion, Pride, Lust.... I could name SEVERAL more.... but I am not going to speak them out... They are my past... not my future.  

When you are really in LOVE with the Lord, and know exactly what Jesus did for you at the cross - you don't want anyone else to perish.  YOU want to spend moments and moments in worship ...reading, praying, and learning more...being close to HIM.  You understand what Prayer without ceasing means and you want to get plugged in.  YOU want more of HIM.

I saw a video/skype/ telecast of Francis Chan during the Passion 2013 conference.    He was brought to tears and I won't forget what he said, "if you want to be close to Jesus and experience HIM...just ask, and begin to share that faith with the lost"..."YOU will get close very quickly...YOU can't help it - it will challenge and change you."


Lord, I always want  to speak in love, and I pray that those 'someones'....would see something in me and my husband  that they want.  Oh God, open their eyes.  I am not your Holy Spirit, some of those Someones are SO blind and believe they are 'ok'...OH God....I don't want them left behind.  Oh Lord, spare them the pain of being knocked  to their knees, but if  You don't spare them and allow the Enemy to strike, let me be ready to pray for them and love on them.  Bring them to my mind, and to my husband's mind...we want to bind the Enemy and help them experience YOUR forgiveness.
 Lord, I pray my children will never experience spiritual adultery, God I pray they will make a covenant with you and hold tight.   Oh God, I see potential  idols - they are young adults  and yet, I know they know.  Oh Lord, it is so easy to allow the Enemy to get a foothold...in...oh God, if there is anything I am holding onto or beginning to become an idol - show me!  - Amen

Lord,  may I remember this:

"Above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins"  1 Peter 4.8



Humbled,
your daughter!

For any women reading this -- and you are in the area of Okeechobee,  You Too can have an Encounter Experience.  His Church Women's Ministries  is having our next God Encounter Weekend, from March 27-29.  God has given us our title or theme...United in Armor.

I am most humbled and expectant as I know God is going to give each and every women that same experience -- if they are open to it and WANT it.  It is time to get FREE.  amen.  


Friday, February 20, 2015

Do something HARD.....

  This is a REPOST from February 20, 2012.  One of the HARDEST weekends I have ever experienced.  However, another reading this tonight needs to be encouraged -- it is OK, do something HARD.  God is in control! 


**  ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
2/20/12

OK.....so, like....I did it .....I did it.....
What did I do? - something VERY hard.  And I am still flying HIGH off the tremendous feeling of awe and excitement..that I DID IT!    I really did not think I could....it was HARD. 

What did I do?  Something hard.....When Brendan got his bike and began this Harley journey, and I noticed all the fun and coolness of it, I casually said, 'sure, I want to ride too'.  And then I saw the excitement in his face and the surprise in others, that I felt...'hey, this would be cool'.  Brendan and I began to talk and plan trips with two bikes and like I have already said before, GOD is using a Harley do do some rebuilding in our relationship.  Then of course, the Enemy butts in and  begins the pressure...'you can't do this...you will fail'..and so began a month of anxiety.  I mean, I was not loosing sleep or anything, but the weekend of class got pushed off twice.  Finally, Brendan signed me up.  So now...I was going.

I have NOT been THAT scared about something in a long time.  I mean...I can do HARD.  I kept going back and forth with God.  I mean, HE has allowed a lot of HARD in my life, but he was/is always right there being the comfort and encourager.  But this time....I 'picked' this...did I pick it to prove to Brendan I could do it or did I pick it to prove to myself. ......Before I started on Friday, it was FOR MYSELF. 

I believe each and everyone of us should choose to do something totally HARD....I do.  I mean, the brainpower, the stress, and then the euphoria when I passed...and I literally passed by the Grace of God and I believe me  singing 'Jesus take the wheel/handlebars'...got me through.  Too funny - no, seriously, God and I had a constant conversation most of Saturday when we did most of the riding. 

And then Sunday, Jesus and I cried together...I am NOT kidding. 

This weekend was hard.  I mean, I passed the written part, 100%..that was easy, for me.  The sweet gentleman next to me, was sweating...bullets...and having a panic attack.  However, I am very proud of myself and I ignored the tattoos and piercings....
......................  which was not really hard to do.. I mean...
I just added that in for effect, he was a man that I would of never prayed for before
                      ...never would of spoken to before
                       ...never would of talked to about Jesus...unless God had not prepared me in the past 3 years...Understand?

Anyway, I pulled for him on Saturday and he pulled for me on Sunday at our riding evaluations.  He was constantly helping me, encouraging me and he gave me the personal encouragement to believe that maybe, just maybe I could do it.

Let me just take you there...


We had to 'duck' walk or power walk our bikes the first day.  That means you are in first gear, and you use the throttle and feather it and then walk with your feet on the ground to the other side.  When everyone was done with that...I still could not get my bike into neutral.  Yep...out of 12...I was at the END of the exercise.  So, one of the instructions, who were very sweet and patient, came over to help me but then when I got it...it was time to move to Demo #2...of which, I could not do until the 4th or 5th try and then we went to Demo #3..and it continued that way from 7:30-2pm on Saturday.  At one point, Brendan had come over to pick me up for lunch and watched from across the parking lot....and I stalled it, almost laid it down, and one time he said he saw me LURCH ahead and stop too fast..believe me, I felt it too.  I was SO nervous.  I could blame it on being nervous but seriously, I was beginning to think -- I was just going  to be a 'bike' girl.

Then the written test and well..like I have already stated -- it went well but I felt so sorry for the men in there who were having a hard time.  They...could maneuver the bike...but could not take the written part...I was the opposite...God showed me so much.

It was like my classroom...I got a whole new appreciation for my profession and the students in my classroom.  I heart broke for those men.  So...I quizzed and encouraged them and when I returned on Sunday, Drew ( who I love as a brother now ) looked at me and said, I passed - cause of YOU!  That made my day.

So, now it is Sunday, I went early to practice.  The instructor even asked me to try a new bike..see if that was better -- it was worse.  I could not even control it and this was a safety course...I mean, you can't have 300# of medal out of control in the hands of a woman..can you?

So, anyway...we began. I went back to the bike that I used on Saturday and so began the battle of my mind....You can do it..no you can't...you can do it...no you can't. I mean, I could not weave between cones, I could not turn right, and I could not get it started and into Neutral, often.  I walked myself to the bathroom after the 2nd break and looked at Jesus in me, in the mirror,  and told myself - 'who cares if you can't pass'...It is NOT the end of the world..........

Brendan had already told me 2 if not 3x..."no pressure. If you don't like it, no biggie.  WE will get that second bike to travel with and you will just be the rider...no problem. " God used my husband to show comfort.   Drew helped too -- after each practice, he would tell me what to try next and encourage me.  When it came to the evaluation, I was finally able to do the turns and such, in a safe manner...not perfect..but safe...However,  I still really did not think I passed it.  But...by 1pm on Sunday, I did.  I got my 'card'.

Once I had taken the pressure off of myself, I was able to weave and control the clutch..and I was able to swerve  - fast, go figure and I guess I smiled for the first time.  The instructors even commented on it and I guess I was all smiles after one particular stopping exercise and he got it on camera.  I tried to find the photo on line, I will post it eventually but because of President's Day  it will take a few day.  So, I decided to post Brendan's Ghost Rider photo.  This is when he took his class back in December.  After studying the photos, he was using the same bike as me...that just made me laugh!  Go figure!     He took his class in 3 days of rain and the instructor nick named him Ghost Rider because of his rain poncho.  Anyway...I passed. 

Like I said before, I can do HARD when hard is placed in front of me.  I don't like it...but when you PICK HARD...well, I am just pumped and very proud of myself. 

This past weekend I was stretched.  I had to use my brain and teach myself something that was very foreign to me.  However, I achieved and succeeded - but with HELP.  I know that I know, people prayed for me and I am not kidding you, once I told myself and Jesus that it was OK to fail, my mind got clear and I really felt at one time I had angels holding me up and moving the handlebars to make a turn and once I did it, then I knew I could and I tried it again.  I really only did what was needed to pass, at the time of evaluation. 

I guess that is like life...some of us pass right away...others have to practice and practice..until we finally get it..?  Maybe? 

I love how God uses everything...every single little thing...for HIS purposes. 

Now, to get a smaller bike and really practice so I CAN get that bigger bike and take a trip with my man...he has been talking out of state...sounds like FUN!   

In all reality, being able to accomplish this was cool, but in hindsight...being able to tell a total stanger about Jesus, was JUST as cool.  I am pumped -- can you tell? 

-Not sure who will read this...but go ahead, tell me of something HARD you did once...I do want to hear...

- Michelle

A new week -- February 20, 2011. # TBT plus one more day.

  Time hop....  A new application to  my phone and for a person who journals and keeps track of stuff, it has brought me such reflection, joy, and laughs  in the past  few weeks.   I have it on my phone.  It has also caused me to USE up my data -- LOL. However -

Today, I was notified that 4 years ago today ---- I STARTED the  wisgalinokee.blogspot.com blog site.  Taylor had me on Tumblr  and I was blogging there, but it was time to move on and UP.  How cool -- so as I read the following post, my Heavenly Father just gave me the biggest hug!  HE told me last  night, or I felt HE was reminding me to remind others...."HIS timing is best and it is not 'fast'...and yet... HE also reminded me yesterday, there is NOT much time left -- time is short."   

Even with the 21 martyred last weekend -- and the constant ISIS stuff  -- if you don't think we are in the end times , GURL, YOU ARE SADLY mistaken.  But.....  God draws us near and maybe this POST this evening is what HE has   to draw you to Himself  and maybe you will be interested and seek our what I mean by ....the "end times". 

So without further ado...... I wrote this post 4 years ago, as you can read, I have a birthday in a few days.  And...... I was getting ready for my Encounter with God Weekend.  How perfect this all fits, as tomorrow morning, I have the honor to sit with 15+ women as we pencil in and pray as we are preparing for our next and 2nd Encounter with HIS Church.  God has already orchestrated the WHAT and the PLACE, and HE has changed up the schedule a bit, but this is HIS Encounter.  A set aside time to meet with HIS daughters and it is going to be - a tremendous, holy, and perfect weekend for those in attendance.  Perhaps THAT is why  the Holy Spirit has me sharing this tonight.  Maybe there is ONE of YOU reading this that needs to contact me and be a part of our "United in Armor" God Encounter Weekend that will be March 27-29, 2015. 

Whatever the 'reason' - I know that I know, God is getting the glory.  God will pour out His love and Spirit upon us all and lives will change. 

So, enough of the  backstory, it is time to let you read my post from February 20, 2011. 
So much has happened and healed since then. 
So much has changed and yet...there are many around me that NEED to know - there is HOPE and God will do the SAME for you -- but you must be OBEDIENT and allow HIM.  Amen. - michelle

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
2/20/11

Lord, this week is a biggie for me. I mean, a lot is going to happen. I am going to turn 45 and who knows - that could be the 1/2 way mark. I mean, my grandmother is almost 90 and Bren's grandmother is 93 .. it seems very hard to believe that this could be the 'hump' year. Do you think?

Lord, it has been another weekend. I am very thankful for each day. You know my heart, my hurts, my desires, and my needs. I sit here this eve, just thinking about the coming week. The challenges I know that will come before me. The expentancy of this coming weekend and attending the 'Encounter' and I also have expressed to you my fears.

I have learned many things but fear is not of you. Fear is a lack of Faith and You know how I have been fighting and battling that, expecially the past two days.

Lord, this is YOURS. This week is yours. I will prepare my heart and head for this coming weekend to GET out of the Encounter all that YOU want me to. I also state this week is yours as you know what I am trying to 'save' and what I don't wish to happen after this week.

However, Lord, I know that YOU know I trust YOU. I really do.
I have been thinking and thinking and praying and seeing more and more the why of the timing, as each day or even every couple of days, I see or learn something that I probably wouldn't of if .. this trial had a few more answers or 'endings'. So, with that, I will continue to do and follow what I believe, no I know YOU want me to do -- be still and wait. Love unconditionally and allow YOU to do what needs to be done.

I also don't believe the enemy as much anymore, I see the enemy for what he is, a liar and I can see myself seeing it more clearly. And, there is a purpose or well, I can say I know that YOU have this.

Lord, YOU are who YOU say YOU are. Lord, I am who you say I am. Lord, YOU will do what YOU said you would do. Lord, I can do anything within YOU. And Lord, YOU will do YOUR will and being in the middle of YOUR will is a very safe and secure spot.

Lord, this post is a bit of random. Taylor, again inspired me. She made a new blog. How I love her so. She was the reason why I started the tumblr account . . and she did not realize it, but I already had a blogspot account too. Now today, she started a blogspot one and it floored me. I mean - she is a brilliant writer - like her mother. Yes, I am a writer. I know and recoginize that. I encourage and have great wisdom that comes from YOU. And, I will use my life - -once YOU have done a few more miracles . . for YOU. I want and will help others. I will be the 'Sandy' to another. Lord, YOU watch over every aspect.

Even today, alone in the car I cried out and YOU again, showed me -- how many times, that YOU know each and every moment and having Fran text me -- just at that moment. I KNOW I am loved by YOU. YOU did that.

YOU have given me so many answered prayers, given me so many delights, and YOU have sustained me. I know you have not brought me to this point to leave me -- I will wait for you to continue and finish this present trial. Lord, without a test, there is no testimony.

Lord, for my son - for our son -- YOU again have shown me much today. My heart was sweetened today by his tears. I know that I know, he wants restoration, peace, and redemption and I am trusting that IN YOUR time, he too will do what YOU have called him to do.

Lord, Taylor just walked into the house, I need to get back to 'stuff' and I just wish to thank you again for everything.

YOU are the hero I so longed for. YOU are the husband that meets each and every need. YOU are the father that keeps me under the shadow of YOUR wings. I praise YOU Lord.
I DO.

- your beautiful and loved and esteemed daughter
Michelle

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

....from UNDER the influence to BEING the influence...AMEN!

Lord, give me wisdom in writing this.
Yesterday at my prayer time with a bevy of beauties that I work with - a thought popped in my head and I declared it.

From under the influence to being an influence.   

How powerful or what?
A sweet beloved sister in Christ  shared  something about her man, her husband and if you knew her entire history....you would celebrate the story with me.

Just the words imply something but the Holy Spirit revealed SO much more to me about these words.

Someone  could be UNDER the influence of drugs...  alcohol or pills or whatever....
Someone could be UNDER the influence of an oppression of some sort ....
Someone  could be UNDER the influence of a domineering parent ....
Someone  could be UNDER the influence of just a 'bitchy' friend -- sorry - bear with me on this - I promise not to cuss too much.
Someone  could be UNDER the influence of  wrong thoughts and perceptions ...
Someone could be UNDER the bondage of inequities . ...
Someone could be so FULL of pride that it will put them UNDER....

and yet, bottom line - it is UNDER the influence of the Enemy.... whether he is in you, on you, or around you --  the enemy hates Christ...the enemy hates any followers of Christ...so therefore the enemy hates you - he hates me...and he hated that sweet sister's husband.  So much so, that he tried to destroy him, tried to destroy their relationship, and he tried to destroy their marriage and yet - he was defeated.

As now that husband has gone from being UNDER the influence to BEING an influence to another man.  Amen. Praise God.  God won.   .......can you picture me jumping for joy - as I am!  

THAT is a Jesus High

Redemption stories always make me smile.    Now.  When I hear the testimony of a sister in Christ that has overcome much hardship and hurt and now God is getting the glory - I jump for JOY within my spirit and physically.  I really do. 

Several, several  weeks ago something was said, referenced,  and the comment was, "I really don't want to hear some woman tell how her husband cheated on her and she prayed and now everything is better". 

At the moment I read the comment, my heart stopped for a nano second and  I claimed I would not allow that to take offense within my soul.   Many times, hurting people say hurting words.  It was  my choice on whether I let it fester or not fester  within my spirit.  I chose not. 

But it made me think. 

So often in my younger years, I would listen to stories from women about their hardships and how God carried them.  I was so callous and na├»ve - I had NO real idea.  I judged them,  judged their hearts and spirits and I accessed the 'cause' and would just file it away.     My pride would always make my flesh feel better about it - "I was better than them".

Or I would dismiss their claims -- I had no real understanding.  No empathy. 

( Side bar: And yet, I thought I did ....cause I had grown up in a somewhat of a dysfunctional home and now I was 'ok'...so why couldn't they be ok too?     Oh Lord, even as I type those words, I can feel the enemy wanting me to have a pity fest...but I won't.  I know I am forgiven of that spiritual pride and time of my life when I was constantly loving everything else instead of my Lord.)  

Then I would hear of stories of years and years of abuse and seek God.."how the hell did they last that long?" And I would wrestle with God and demand answers.  And I would complain.  My husband reminded me today while he was praying, complaining is telling God that "I " can do it better....

(Side bar: Thank  you Lord that my husband is now an influence within my life -- You use him to speak life to me.  I am thankful for that!)     

  And then, when I actually paid close attention, I would be graced  with more stories of redemption and how God changed a person and beauty did rise up from ashes.  Slowly, very slowly - I began to realize  the Holy Spirit was speaking and I was finally listening. In fact, I quote one of those stories - within the first chapter of Francis Chan's book, "CRAZY LOVE".... he credits a woman that dealt with an abusive alcoholic husband for almost 18 years and he claims that  - they...that couple is one of the most godly mentors to he, his wife, and his ministry.  ...That is a God miracle.  

I have prayed for many women and even presently, can see the hurt within the home and a part of me wants to scream - "GET the hell out"  -- but I know better.   I would never tell one person,  a wife or mother to leave a husband unless she felt her safety was at risk.  No one deserves physical or mental abuse.   Seek help.  And yet, God has brought my attention to many women that did endure for  a season -- to watch God orchestrate a  miracle and now....they are living by the word of their testimony.  We are healed by the blood of the lamb and  transformed by the word of our testimony.
Revelation 12:11New International Version (NIV)
11 They triumphed over him
    by the blood of the Lamb
    and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
    as to shrink from death


I rejoice with that sister in Christ as now her husband is an influence.  But she endured many years of heartache and pain.   But God brought her out of that--God restores and redeems.     I am not stupid, I believe there are people that look at me and think - 'what the heck?'.....and yet, I know that I know that I know.....  obedience brings rewards and no matter what - each person, each woman, each situation is God's. And God shows me daily,  the  why, and  now we are  beyond the pain, and beyond the hurt.....and we are glad for the challenges within our past - as it has brought us - HERE.

( Side bar - my husband and I are presently in the last week of a Marriage Event at our church, as we pray for the couples and people that attend, triggers flood and the Holy Spirit reveals stuff and we  - together - marvel at HOW much God has changed us both - for the BETTER! ) 

WE get that now.  Being on 'this' side of it - our spiritual eyes see things differently now.  We are made new. 

Ephesians 4:23New International Version (NIV)
23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds;

God never intended it to be this hard -
God is not punishing -
God did not purposefully say, 'you much endure this for this' -

He sent His Son for the ultimate sacrifice.  When I truly understood WHAT I was forgiven of - I could and I had to forgive.

   I know that my sister in Christ...when God spoke to her heart and asked her to 'hold on' just a little while longer.... HE blessed her with  a new man and once she is darn proud of.    And I know that one of the reasons he was attacked so by Satan was because there was a calling upon his life. 

Satan does not have an 'in' with God...but he understands that GOD has plans for EACH of us. 

 And for each and every redemption story I have heard -- God bless them.  For all of them I heard prior to my new heart .... forgive me.   For the ones God will bring to my path...I pray I will always SEEK God's face and wisdom on anything I say or do...or pray...

Summary: 
God wins. 

Lord...for the one reading this that does not see the light at the end of the tunnel -- lead her, direct her. show her.  Lord, I pray she will DIG deep into YOUR Word, I pray she will take a Psalm this evening - like Psalm 40 or 45 or 39 and claim it as her victory prayer...I pray she will read those words and get a RHEMA word from you.  Lord, I pray she will SEEK YOUR face and believe that YOU can change a heart and that YOU will make all things new. 

Lord, I pray for the sister in Christ that does not think her prayers are powerful -- God I pray she would realize and know that she has JUST as much power and authority in YOU as I do - or another....  God I pray that if she has never called upon  You for her salvation - that she will RIGHT now. 

Lord, I bind the enemy away from the hurt right now.  God I pray she will have the courage to stop the sin if she is the one in sin...Lord, I pray she will refocus...

Lord, for the ones that are under the influence right now... Lord, I pray they would seek YOU and believe that they are MORE than a conqueror through YOU  ..God I pray this oppression would be bound and that spiritual help would be sought.  Lord, I bind the pride away from those ears, those eyes, and that heart ...that it is NOT too hard.  God I know that You do discipline ....and I know that You will allow 'stuff' to transpire and happen to draw us close ....so God I pray that this one particular sister that is hurting - God I pray her eyes will open and she will see....there is SO much more to learn about YOU and I pray she won't have to 'lose' something to find You...  like I did... God I DO not wish my circumstances upon anyone, but I pray that those around me would see....that perhaps they are playing with fire and that ....they will get burned...may they be aware, that their situation is no laughing matter.  God, thank You.  I believe  YOU will win.   Lord, I thank you for those ones that are holding on and believing in something they can't see right now.   Lord, I thank you for today -- for showing me clearly -- that YOU are still very proud of me

Lord...  YOUR will be done.  May this blog post - draw someone closer to you and give them HOPE.  Amen. 

  - humbled...blessed, chosen, accepted, adopted, forgiven and redeemed...  loved... and in awe of YOU Lord.  Thank you for setting this captive free, use me Lord - I love you. 



Friday, February 6, 2015

What I crave.

The past month has been a prayerful month.  Praying and bathing the Marriage Event in HIS grace and mercy.  And tomorrow -- there will be a women's event that I have be honored to help pray for and be a part of -- and so therefore - I have been praying. 

God is always so sweet. 

I found a letter I wrote to myself on November 22, 2009.  That day was  a year beyond the death of my nephew.  That year was a 'hard' year.  I had begun to seek some counsel for myself -- as I was beginning to believe that I was crazy.  My  head had categorized that the entire problem within my home was the fact that my husband was in a mid-life crisis and so was I - it just looked different between the two of us and I  will admit - was crying myself to sleep -- probably every night for most of that year and probably all of 2010.  It sucked.  We just existed.  We had been existing for a few years already by this time....and we existed  several months more until -- the skies broke open.

However, today - in finding this prayer I wrote to God in a bible study book - reminded me - HE wins.   In reality - it is a page of my journal ....it just did not get into my  journal.  I have no idea where I was when I wrote it - probably sitting at the Ins. Office and staring at the computer and I grabbed paper and wrote....   I want to share it.   

 Why?  NOT to 'bring up stuff'...but to let another woman have hope...there is STILL hope.  There is always HOPE even when it looks like nothing has changed and nothing seems to be going 'our way'.   There is HOPE.  We hold on - we fight.  Cause God is still listening and has NOT forgotten you - even though it may feel like that. 

Here it goes: 

11/22/09
I crave to leave a legacy of faith to my children, not just works! I crave that they will remember me praying - always choosing what is what God would be happy with.  Lord, love is not a fight - but it is worth fighting for.  Lord, I know you are fighting for me and that should be enough but I wish he would fight for us too.  Maybe he is - but it does not seem like it.  Lord, I am not feeling patience today.  I am feeling sorrow and despair.  Lord, I am trying to serve and be patient while I wait. But.  Lord, I don't even want to run or do anything today.  I am numb.  Lord, I have to forgive him again - don't I?  For what?  But he is not being the husband and father he is to be.   Lord, as I write this - I pray he will walk in and see me and want to read it -- or can I leave this about for him to read.  But..that is me  - manipulating it again.  Lord, help with my unbelief right now. I am trying to serve and worship while I wait - like the song says - but God, I can't anymore.  Lord, I will I will try.... I will try....  It is so hard.  I feel sad and lonely today. Lonely.  Lord, may today be a blessing to my kids and my husband.  Lord, may they each awake refreshed today.  Lord, as my son plays soccer - may the opportunities for a goal come.  Lord, for his teammates, I pray they will be able to score and do their best on the team.  Lord, yesterday you reminded me or told me - I believe you did - that one day, he will be able to say "I love you", once he loves Me.  I want to see him love you.  I want him to love you.  Lord for whatever is clouding his vision to you - be gone!   Lord, I love you.  Lord I love you more than my husband.  Lord, I thank you for ___ and ____ and I NEED this to work out between them.  May their marriage hold tight.  I need this please.  I need to see some good within others...I need to see that when you asked me to pray for them and take them supper -- it was of YOUR calling and YOU used it.  I need that.  Lord for the babies... E___, A____, and for that one -- God each of them need a medical miracle.  Lord I pray for my mentor's heart and her requested miracle.  Lord, I pray for my students.  Lord, I know my name is written in the Lamb's book of life and THAT is enough.  Lord, God you are who you say your are.  You will do what YOU say you will do.  Lord, I am who YOU say I am.  I am blessed, chosen, adopted, accepted, forgiven, and redeemed.  Lord, I can do all things through Christ Jesus - I am believing God as God's word is alive and it is alive in me.  Active - Amen. 


*********

I asked God 'why'...and I believe I found this just as a reminder of WHAT HE has done, but also - to remind myself of the pain and hurt I lived in for a LONG time.  

Many times, once a sin is revealed or a problem has been brought into the light, we are ready to get it fixed and we want it fixed QUICKLY.  

However, it usually took several years or maybe even a decade to 'GET to this point'...WE can not expect it to be fixed within a few days.    

Time is not the enemy - it is HIS grace.  
God's time is perfect. 
Don't give up. 
Believe -- God does heal and restore.  God IS winning!  Amen.  

- Michelle 




Beth Moore and ME and prayer!

 What is below is a blog post that Beth Moore posted on Wednesday.   It was HIS timing - I mean I NEEDED to read this.  I NEEDED to read this and I NEEDED to be reminded of this. 

What she wrote - I could of...I would of...but the Holy Spirit did not prompt me to write it - but I FELT it in my Spirit- in fact, I was so overcome with another subject and 'stuff' that all I could do on Thursday morning was call upon another and say, "help...pray for me!".  And she did...  and I agreed in prayer and then I stopped and opened my computer and THIS was emailed to me. 

To me -- GOD answered me - and my 'overcome-ness' immediately!  Perfect. 
That is God.

I posted it on Facebook, but I also wanted to post it here - so I have a record of it and I have to 'add' a little bit... just cause. 

This writing is my therapy as well.  Amen.   - Michelle

 

It’s Prayer. That’s the thing.

I had an altogether different agenda for work this afternoon with no plans to blog but the Holy Spirit is stirring something in me with such force that I don’t want to resist it.

Me:  The Holy Spirit did the VERY same thing in another area for me on Thursday.   And only me ...could get TICKLED and just overwhelmed as I said to myself..."see God - I am just like Beth!".  

 
The word setting fire to my heart this moment is Colossians 4:2 –
Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.
Nothing is going to sound new or fresh in what I’m about to say because we’ve all heard it over and over again but sometimes it’s a timing thing. In other words, we’ve heard something a million times but all the sudden, with explanations known to God alone, the thing clicks and the breakthrough comes.
Here goes:

WE’VE GOT TO PRAY.
WE’VE GOT TO BECOME PEOPLE OF PRAYER.
WE’VE GOT TO PRESS IN MUCH FURTHER AND BELIEVE GOD TO BE MUCH BIGGER.
WE’VE GOT TO CEASE LETTING PRAYER BE OUR WEAKEST SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINE.
WE’VE GOT TO STEP IT UP AND WIELD THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT IN RELENTLESS INTERCESSION.
WE’VE GOT TO GO FURTHER THAN WE’VE GONE BEFORE IN PRAYER. PRESS HARDER. THINK HIGHER. DIG OUR KNEES IN DEEPER.

Me:  Oh man - YES. YES. YES... this is so true - I mean, as I read this - I literally teared up and said- YES God - this is what I know we must do!

WE WILL NOT LIVE BOLDER THAN WE PRAY.

Me:  Oh my yes...  Yes...   In my most darkest hour - I was determined and would not allow myself to think that the enemy was going to defeat me and my family ...I was going to win.  My hurt would be redeemed...My heart would be restored..it HAD to be..I could not live or would I want to live with such a hurt that had overcome me and my family..... there was just NO way!!  No WAY!  


THERE ARE PARTS OF OUR CALLINGS, WORKS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT, AND DEFEATS OF THE DARKNESS THAT WILL COME NO OTHER WAY THAN FURIOUS, FERVENT, FAITH-FILLED, UNCEASING PRAYER.

Me:  Yes.  Period.  There is NO way around this - Do not give up!  


It’s time we quit falling asleep in prayer. It’s time we quit practicing a prayer routine that bores us to tears. It’s time our quiet times ceased to be quiet. There are battles to be won. Works to be done. The kinds which only come through prayer, prayer, and more prayer.

It’s time we quit depending on someone else to do it for us.  AMEN!
It’s time for each of us to see in the mirror one of the most powerful people of prayer we may ever meet.

Me:  That is me God.  That is me!!   I am that prayerful warrior - it is me!!  Do you see the power in this?  Can you GET it?  I have women and men too - message me and ask me to pray for them.  And I do.  I am honored to pray for another.  I know how pride can defeat us and the simple ACT of asking is faith...and we must...but we must also rise up and KNOW the power we have IN HIM.  WE are mighty -- we have overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.  So...people may see me as this 'woman' that prayed her marriage back......well, I prayed.  But it was God that restored... but I was faithful in prayer and belief.  I waiting on God.  I listened and did what HE told me. I did what my godly counsel told me to do -- and I did what the professional therapist told me to do - I worked on myself...and let God work on the other half of my 'flesh' and I prayed and I prayed.   I prayed when I did not want to...and thank God - I was able to pray in my prayer language -- cause  at some times, all I wanted to do was to quit ....as I was SICK of praying...but we can't have that mindset and attitude.  

It’s time we prayed like we believed the risen Lord Jesus Christ, the King of Glory, was right in our very presence. Because He is.
This is what Colossians 4:2 says:
Continue steadfastly in prayer. 

Don’t give up several days in.
Don’t get all whiny.
Don’t get all offended because God doesn’t appear to answer right away.
Persevere.
Keep praying.
Keep believing.

Me:  Ditto!   Oh God yes.... don't give up.  Persevere!   Please......

There are muscles God means to strengthen. It’s about the means as much as the end.
Did God clearly promise in His Word what you are asking for? Then do not shrink back.
Or is there a precedent in Scripture for what you’re asking in prayer? Then keep telling Him what it is, asking Him if He’d be glorified in granting your request and, if not, to remove or quiet your desire.
Persist. That’s what Luke 11:5-10 and 18:1-8 are all about.

We are warriors. Victors. More than overcomers. Bloody and bruised, we still get back up. Lip busted, we open back up our mouths – this time the louder – and call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised and so shall we be saved from our enemies. (Psalm 18:3)

Being watchful in it with thanksgiving. 

This is key. We’ve got to keep our eyes wide open.

Me:  yes.... eyes open and do the HARD! 

We can close our eyes during prayer if we need to but then, for crying out loud, let’s get those things open and let God see the whites of our eyes, ready and watchful. Let’s expect something, for Heaven’s sake. Jesus promised us in John 5:17 that God is always at work.

When we get a glimpse of His activity or the slightest hint of answered prayer, let’s thank Him for it right then and there. For instance, have you been praying for someone dear to you to be set free from an area of tremendous bondage? While you wait for the huge breakthrough, can you see any glimpses that God is at work? Then thank Him for it. Applaud Him. Like Elijah who knew it was going to rain the moment he saw a cloud the size of a man’s fist, believe with all your heart that He who began a good work WILL be faithful to complete it.

Me:  Oh my yes.. and yes...when this happens...it increased my faith...it spurred me to pray more and wait with more patience.... GOD is so sweet!  

We can be so preoccupied looking to the horizon for the huge thing that we miss the glorious mosaic of a hundred scattered pieces of answered prayer right at our feet. God is rarely up to only one thing. Our nature is to look for the big finish. His is to call us into constant and daily communion, working through every circumstance, tweaking and turning and tying and telling. He’s teaching our tongues the art of tasting in a world trained to binge.
We’re looking for the string of pearls. He’s planting one pearl here. Another pearl there. The full stretch of our lifetime is the string. We won’t see how those jewels all came together on the one strand until we study them under the light of His glorious presence. In the meantime, let’s ask God to make us alert and give us eyes to see where He’s working on the way to the divine achievement we’re longing for. And let’s respond with hearts full of gratitude and mouths full of praise.
Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.


The Apostle Paul’s next words represent a concept that is crucial to the well-being of our souls. Colossians 4:3 –
At the same time, pray also for us…
At the same time we are praying and watching and waiting, we will be vastly helped and blessed and connected by praying fervently for other people.  Me:  Oh my goodness - YES!   We must interceed!

 Intercession for others becomes a guard against the narcissism of this present culture seeping right through the screen door of our prayer closets. A stunning number of Christians don’t believe in praying for themselves at all. Others have global vision the length of their noses and don’t believe in praying for anyone besides themselves. The counsel of the Scriptures is to pray for others and to pray for ourselves.
But, for the love of God, PRAY.
There is no other way.
We’ve got to wake up and pray.
In Jesus’ Name.
Like those who believe He hears.

Satan wants you to quit praying. He wants you to believe God isn’t paying one whit of attention to you. That He’s moved on without you. That you don’t matter. There’s only one thing to do with that. Pray twice as much. With twice the faith. And a thousand times the thanks.
Get up and pray.

We’ve got one shot at this earthly life. Good Lord, let’s make it count.

Me:  Amen.    I could not of said it any better...  LOL!  
Michelle