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2/20/12
OK.....so, like....I did it .....I did it.....
What did I do? - something VERY hard. And I am still flying HIGH off the tremendous feeling of awe and excitement..that I DID IT! I really did not think I could....it was HARD.
What did I do? Something hard.....When Brendan got his bike and began this Harley journey, and I noticed all the fun and coolness of it, I casually said, 'sure, I want to ride too'. And then I saw the excitement in his face and the surprise in others, that I felt...'hey, this would be cool'. Brendan and I began to talk and plan trips with two bikes and like I have already said before, GOD is using a Harley do do some rebuilding in our relationship. Then of course, the Enemy butts in and begins the pressure...'you can't do this...you will fail'..and so began a month of anxiety. I mean, I was not loosing sleep or anything, but the weekend of class got pushed off twice. Finally, Brendan signed me up. So now...I was going.
I have NOT been THAT scared about something in a long time. I mean...I can do HARD. I kept going back and forth with God. I mean, HE has allowed a lot of HARD in my life, but he was/is always right there being the comfort and encourager. But this time....I 'picked' this...did I pick it to prove to Brendan I could do it or did I pick it to prove to myself. ......Before I started on Friday, it was FOR MYSELF.
I believe each and everyone of us should choose to do something totally HARD....I do. I mean, the brainpower, the stress, and then the euphoria when I passed...and I literally passed by the Grace of God and I believe me singing 'Jesus take the wheel/handlebars'...got me through. Too funny - no, seriously, God and I had a constant conversation most of Saturday when we did most of the riding.
And then Sunday, Jesus and I cried together...I am NOT kidding.
This weekend was hard. I mean, I passed the written part, 100%..that was easy, for me. The sweet gentleman next to me, was sweating...bullets...and having a panic attack. However, I am very proud of myself and I ignored the tattoos and piercings....
...................... which was not really hard to do.. I mean...
I just added that in for effect, he was a man that I would of never prayed for before
...never would of spoken to before
...never would of talked to about Jesus...unless God had not prepared me in the past 3 years...Understand?
Anyway, I pulled for him on Saturday and he pulled for me on Sunday at our riding evaluations. He was constantly helping me, encouraging me and he gave me the personal encouragement to believe that maybe, just maybe I could do it.
Let me just take you there...
We had to 'duck' walk or power walk our bikes the first day. That means you are in first gear, and you use the throttle and feather it and then walk with your feet on the ground to the other side. When everyone was done with that...I still could not get my bike into neutral. Yep...out of 12...I was at the END of the exercise. So, one of the instructions, who were very sweet and patient, came over to help me but then when I got it...it was time to move to Demo #2...of which, I could not do until the 4th or 5th try and then we went to Demo #3..and it continued that way from 7:30-2pm on Saturday. At one point, Brendan had come over to pick me up for lunch and watched from across the parking lot....and I stalled it, almost laid it down, and one time he said he saw me LURCH ahead and stop too fast..believe me, I felt it too. I was SO nervous. I could blame it on being nervous but seriously, I was beginning to think -- I was just going to be a 'bike' girl.
Then the written test and well..like I have already stated -- it went well but I felt so sorry for the men in there who were having a hard time. They...could maneuver the bike...but could not take the written part...I was the opposite...God showed me so much.
It was like my classroom...I got a whole new appreciation for my profession and the students in my classroom. I heart broke for those men. So...I quizzed and encouraged them and when I returned on Sunday, Drew ( who I love as a brother now ) looked at me and said, I passed - cause of YOU! That made my day.
So, now it is Sunday, I went early to practice. The instructor even asked me to try a new bike..see if that was better -- it was worse. I could not even control it and this was a safety course...I mean, you can't have 300# of medal out of control in the hands of a woman..can you?
So, anyway...we began. I went back to the bike that I used on Saturday and so began the battle of my mind....You can do it..no you can't...you can do it...no you can't. I mean, I could not weave between cones, I could not turn right, and I could not get it started and into Neutral, often. I walked myself to the bathroom after the 2nd break and looked at Jesus in me, in the mirror, and told myself - 'who cares if you can't pass'...It is NOT the end of the world..........
Brendan had already told me 2 if not 3x..."no pressure. If you don't like it, no biggie. WE will get that second bike to travel with and you will just be the rider...no problem. " God used my husband to show comfort. Drew helped too -- after each practice, he would tell me what to try next and encourage me. When it came to the evaluation, I was finally able to do the turns and such, in a safe manner...not perfect..but safe...However, I still really did not think I passed it. But...by 1pm on Sunday, I did. I got my 'card'.
Once I had taken the pressure off of myself, I was able to weave and control the clutch..and I was able to swerve - fast, go figure and I guess I smiled for the first time. The instructors even commented on it and I guess I was all smiles after one particular stopping exercise and he got it on camera. I tried to find the photo on line, I will post it eventually but because of President's Day it will take a few day. So, I decided to post Brendan's Ghost Rider photo. This is when he took his class back in December. After studying the photos, he was using the same bike as me...that just made me laugh! Go figure! He took his class in 3 days of rain and the instructor nick named him Ghost Rider because of his rain poncho. Anyway...I passed.
Like I said before, I can do HARD when hard is placed in front of me. I don't like it...but when you PICK HARD...well, I am just pumped and very proud of myself.
This past weekend I was stretched. I had to use my brain and teach myself something that was very foreign to me. However, I achieved and succeeded - but with HELP. I know that I know, people prayed for me and I am not kidding you, once I told myself and Jesus that it was OK to fail, my mind got clear and I really felt at one time I had angels holding me up and moving the handlebars to make a turn and once I did it, then I knew I could and I tried it again. I really only did what was needed to pass, at the time of evaluation.
I guess that is like life...some of us pass right away...others have to practice and practice..until we finally get it..? Maybe?
I love how God uses everything...every single little thing...for HIS purposes.
Now, to get a smaller bike and really practice so I CAN get that bigger bike and take a trip with my man...he has been talking out of state...sounds like FUN!
In all reality, being able to accomplish this was cool, but in hindsight...being able to tell a total stanger about Jesus, was JUST as cool. I am pumped -- can you tell?
-Not sure who will read this...but go ahead, tell me of something HARD you did once...I do want to hear...
- Michelle
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