Tuesday, January 31, 2017

So the reality is the marriage is broken - Part V - While Waiting, Encourage others!

God has been showing me something through the lives of some others and I have found myself writing a sort of 'plan' for a wife that has asked for help. 

 I have written this plan over and over and in different ways and I am believing God wants me to publish it and have it here for another to share with a friend and have some hope.  

I am not a psychologist or a life coach.  I am just a woman, who loves God, seeks the power of the Holy Spirit, and knows Jesus as her best friend.  I have lived a little bit.  Life's experiences have certainly  been played out and I am pretty sure God is not finished with me yet, but I am going to attempt to share a couple of blogs that I pray God will use to help foster some hope and to encourage a wife who is hurting and broken that God is fighting for her and God will win!   


If this is your first time here and you wish to read Part 1, here is the link:  
Awareness Part I 

This next blog continues as you are waiting on the husband to get on board with seeking God and working at restoration -- get involved.  

I totally suggest or tell women often, "get a project".  
For me - it was beginning a girls life group.  I had from 4-10  young women each Tuesday night and as I spoke LIFE into them, THEY and God spoke LIFE into me.  

There is something VERY therapeutic in helping another while you are waiting on God and/or waiting on the family member to make the RIGHT choices.   

So with that, I am sharing THIS today.  

 



This is a blog I wrote back in 2015.  The Holy Spirit led me to it today and I was reminded that when I published this, I said, "I found this letter/blog and it helped me and so I wanted to share". 

The truth is, I wrote it.  I did not find it. 


Writing prayers is something I do all the time and back in the last few months of 2015, I was praying for several women, young women, and marriages and THIS blog happened.   I wanted to encourage a woman and others and I was just too timid or scared to say that I wrote them.  

I am always trying my best to be 'general' as I would not want someone to read my blog and think that I was exposing another or causing any harm and I knew that "if" I stated that "these" were my prayers, someone would of been offended or hurt. 


But now.....2 years later, I have NO clue as to WHOM I was speaking to exactly or praying for, but as I read and reread them over and over today -- I knew, they would touch a few around me again.  

As the enemy does not quit and he is not too crafty and smart and seems to bombard us with the SAME distractions.  


There is an old saying, " there is nothing new under the son".  Well, the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy and he has been watching us for years and knows exactly WHAT hurts and what will distract and unfortunately  --- sin and the sin patterns of people don't change too much -- just the ones WHO are doing the SINNING. 








 
I pray these little prayers will be ones that you can share with another, go ahead and copy, cut, and paste or share this blog and/or tag them -- may God win IN EACH of these circumstances and in yours!  

Michelle 

                        *        *          *          *       *

To Whom it May Concern: 

I see you there -- under attack.  You can't believe this has happened and you can't believe the role and part that you played in this.  You believe there is nothing you can do at this moment to fix it, nor do you believe you have the strength to fix it.  Fear.  The enemy wants to keep you in fear of your own actions and of the consequences you believe will follow.  However -- there is hope....  Your mighty God is right there - next to you --I promise.  I want you to picture yourself, looking around -- and --
 after I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, "Don't be afraid of them.  Remember the LORD, who is great and awesome, and then FIGHT for your families, your sons, your daughters, your wives ( husbands ) , and for your home.".  Nehemiah 4.14

I see you there -- believing there is no way you can stand up in this season.  You have been hit hard with something that seems will destroy you and you feel you are under qualified to take on this task. You are not good enough. You sinned for far to long and you now deserve this consequence.  You are believing the lies of the enemy that God does not want you as happy as you could of been.  You are believing the lies that "this is my life now"...... No...No... God can and will bring beauty out of these ashes.  There is hope ..... Your mighty God is right there - next to you-- I promise.  I want you to get alone with God and memorize His words ---
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you -- 1 Peter 5.7
However, the LORD, your God would not listen to Balaam ( the enemy) but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the LORD Your God loves you!   Deut. 23.5 


I see you there -- by yourself thinking about mean things.  You can't believe that 'this' is your fate.  You did not see it coming and yet, you did and feel like you did nothing to stop it.  This is a mean world we live in and Satan had you -- hook, line, and sinker...until something reminded you of Your eternal home and you ran.... to save your life.  You are now in the light.  The sin is exposed and so therefore -- there is NO condemnation in Christ Jesus.  However, you have to live and walk in this mean world and it seems to overcome you and bog you down.  But I promise - there is hope.    There will be a silver lining and what you think will happen -- is only the beginning.  Your God will bring beauty and one day you will look back to this time, and smile as you will clearly see His goodness in the land of the living.  And you will sit with another and hand her this letter and remind her -- that --
This charge  I entrust you to you beloved, my child, in accordance with the prophecies previously made about you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, holding faith and a good conscience, by rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith.   1 Timothy 1. 18-19.  ( So don't lose faith.) 


I see you there -- by yourself feeling like the shadow of her will overtake you.  I see you there, feeling the shadow of him will overtake you.  I see you there - feeling the shadow of it will overtake you -- how can you walk now in this shadow?  I will tell you- you are not in a shadow.  That is the enemy's way of keeping you in this bondage and guilt.  It is time to forgive - forgive yourself first and then seek the forgiveness of others in His time.  Seek God and make sure that He and You have that direct line of communication again.  Remind Him, that you are no longer going to walk in that sin -- that you are not sinless -- but THAT sin is over, and that You will need HIS help to continue to overcome it daily ... So, in that thought - think about sitting in the shadow of the Most High God - Your Father, Your King....and believe His Word:  
whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High- will  REST in the shadow of the Almighty.  Psalm 91.1


See, there is great victory now.  You may not see it -- cause the enemy wants you to feel underrated   and stuck within the consequences of this; however, as I have stated before - God will bring beauty out of these ashes.  Do not give up the promise God has given you,  what HE placed into Your head and heart to believe -- believe on that.  However, in the waiting time for His promise to be fulfilled -- concentrate on Him and allow Him to rebuild you, to hold you, to love you so audaciously that no matter what -- You walk in Him and can smile and know, that it is well within your soul---cause no matter what - HE is a Good Good Father.  And ponder on this:  
He has made everything beautiful in its time.  he also set eternity into the human heart: yet no one can fathom what God has done from the beginning to end.  Ecclesiastes 3.11

I see you there--awaiting....waiting....and wanting....  You are thinking, how can you now move forward - but you can.  You are thinking, what do I do now?  God will show you.  And you are  grieving -- which is important to do but don't lose hope.   God can turn situations around so quickly and when something is not of God's perfect will - I believe He, our Almighty God, has not stopped   fighting  for YOU -- HE is Your Knight in Shining Armor.   He sees your passion and pain and He will give you the patience to endure and wait on HIM! And as you wait, be reminded that Your Heavenly Father has been waiting and longing for You to return to Him for an even LONGER time.  
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you: therefore he will rise up to show you compassion, for the LORD is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for HIM!   Isaiah 30.18  


I see you there, wondering HOW it will happen -- HOW can I face today, let alone tomorrow.  HOW will this circumstance ever be 'good'.  HOW will I wait and HOW will the Lord bring beauty out of these ashes....  The glorious relief is this -- You are not responsible.  You are NOT the one that has to do it.... God will.  Listen:  
If this is so, then the LORD knows HOW to rescue the godly from trails and to hold the unrighteous for punishment on the day of judgement.  2 Peter 2.9   ( So, God will. )  
For He knows how we were formed, He remembers that we are dust.  Psalm 103.14 ( So He knows we are human and we can't fix -- but HE can and HE will.) 


I see you there -- and I am praying for you.  
I see you there - and I will stand in the gap with you and wait.  
I see you there -- and I know from my own life -- God wins.  
I see you there and believe......   one day we will look back on this and know - HE orchestrated it all for our good.  

One day we will praise Him for this storm...until then, we will 'faith' it and sing praise until we can feel it within our bones.  

God knows.  
There is HOPE -- hang in there -- 

Amen.  

Monday, January 30, 2017

So the reality is the marriage is broken - Part IV - Forgiveness Revisited

God has been showing me something through the lives of some others and I have found myself writing a sort of 'plan' for a wife that has asked for help. 

 I have written this plan over and over and in different ways and I am believing God wants me to publish it and have it here for another to share with a friend and have some hope.  

I am not a psychologist or a life coach.  I am just a woman, who loves God, seeks the power of the Holy Spirit, and knows Jesus as her best friend.  I have lived a little bit.  Life's experiences have certainly  been played out and I am pretty sure God is not finished with me yet, but I am going to attempt to share a couple of blogs that I pray God will use to help foster some hope and to encourage a wife who is hurting and broken that God is fighting for her and God will win!   


If this is your first time here and you wish to read Part 1, here is the link:  
Awareness Part I 


This is the next part I believe the Lord is asking me to write and share.   It deals with,  her.  


Forgiveness  is commanded by God.  We forgive.  I am 6+ years almost 7 years from the event that exposed the brokenness of my marriage.   

We are  healed.  Very much healed.   I pray and believe the other parties/family that was involved in our situation has healed as well.  I pray for them and sometimes,  we pray for them if something was triggered or comes up.  We believe our marriage is different and stronger now.  We, my husband and I,  believe God is using our pain and redemption to bring HOPE to others.  

We are a little older.  We may think of ourselves as those high school sweethearts at times, but often we are reminded that we are grown ups and have been married -- now almost 30 years.  

But the enemy is alive and well -- for now.  He does anything and everything in his power to bring up junk and highlight triggers that can bring forth a memory and every once in a while, a comment is made or a dig can be shared and if we are not careful, a door can be left open.


About a year ago, at one of our Women's Encounters I believe I had a deeper calling to the Cross to forgive my husband and the entire situation.  It was about 4am when the Holy Spirit awoke me and gave me such insight into WHAT I was to be speaking about that morning and WHAT we needed to do yet before the women were dismissed for the weekend.  More Forgiveness.  

As I laid at the Cross and tears streamed down my face, I felt myself speaking directly to the woman that I had hated for a good 3-4 months back in May of 2010.  I also felt deep pity for a few moments for that person and then I just cried my heart out and sought her face ( symbolically ) and asked her for her forgiveness.  I can't even imagine WHAT all has transpired within her family but God loves her just as much as HE loves me.  And for a time and place, the enemy used her and had her deceived.   I was deceived way before the two of them ever committed adultery.  I was JUST as much of a sinner.  I knew that - however,  God had taken me deeper.  

I shared with the ladies that morning, I stated that if God would bring her to me, I knew what I would say and do.  I would seek her and ask her to forgive me.  Whoa.  Wow.   I share that on this blog.  I have never shared a name and what we speak about at a Women's Encounter is confidential but the women there needed to know that I was transparent and I too submit to Holy Spirit and do what God tells me to do. 

Ever since then, my thoughts and feelings for any 'other woman' have changed.

 In fact, God has used some women in my life and as I have gotten to know them, I have realized that they were the 'other women' in their stories and to see them now - repented, restored, and redeemed  in each life -  it was such a blessing.  So again, I know that if God chooses to cross our paths -- He will orchestrate it.  Until then, I asked for a 'proctor' to stand in the place of so I could wash her feet.  And so I could ask her to forgive me. And I did that - back at the Encounter and I had a new found peace.  It also allowed another to confess a similar situation in which she repented and God won!


I think this revelation is REAL and deep and somewhat of a 360.  I was told that adultery was the NEXT hardest thing to overcome besides the death of a child.   I had witnessed  and experienced a death of a child.  He was my nephew,  but for many of his 17 years,  he was in my home and my kid for this weekend or that and it was a hard thing.  I can't really compare the two heartaches.  They are both extremely difficult to endure and yet, both  extremely painful.  They are alike and yet so different.  One can't put a 'level' on pain.  When you are in pain - it hurts.   One person's pain may not be as painful to another -- but, we can't look at someone and diminish their feelings.   Anyway -- if you have been reading this series then YOU may not be HERE right yet.   But I can tell you that if you allow God to transform you -- even if you don't reconcile the marriage with your husband -- God can bring you to this deeper revelation of forgiveness! 

So, can I  implore you - to ask God to GET you to THIS place??  

 There is more freedom here and there is a peace that transcends all understanding.    God will bring you here.   Unforgiveness can keep you from your eternal resting place -- don't let it.   Make sure you have forgiven and allow God to heal you and take you deeper -- if need be. 

 I promise you -- it is a good place to be with Jesus - a real good place.  

- Michelle 

So the reality is the marriage is broken - Part III - Now what? WAITING - being HELD.

God has been showing me something through the lives of some others and I have found myself writing a sort of 'plan' for a wife that has asked for help. 

 I have written this plan over and over and in different ways and I am believing God wants me to publish it and have it here for another to share with a friend and have some hope.  

I am not a psychologist or a life coach.  I am just a woman, who loves God, seeks the power of the Holy Spirit, and knows Jesus as her best friend.  I have lived a little bit.  Life's experiences have certainly  been played out and I am pretty sure God is not finished with me yet, but I am going to attempt to share a couple of blogs that I pray God will use to help foster some hope and to encourage a wife who is hurting and broken that God is fighting for her and God will win!   


If this is your first time here and you wish to read Part 1, here is the link:  
Awareness Part I 

Today -- This is the 2nd part of WAITING.  


Being  ...held......

I was thinking about a beautiful woman and we prayed for her  and their marriage.  
She is hurting right now -- cause there is a crisis of faith.  

She is lonely and wants to be held. 
 Do you need to be held?  
 

Natalie Grant wrote this song, "Held" after a friend of hers lost a baby.  IT has circled the Christian Radio charts. 

 I did a little research on the word held or hold.... The Dictionary says,  1.  to have or keep in the hand, keep fast, grasp.  2.  to set aside, to reserve or retain -- like to hold a reservation.  3.  to bear, sustain, or support as with hands or arms or by any other means.  4.  to keep them in a specified state, 'the preacher held them spellbound'. and 5.  to detain, the police held him at the station for questions. 

Held.....then I looked up some more info...The noun held means an act of holding...as a verb, it means to remain in or continue being held.....Did you know there is also definitions for ...
hold back....
hold down....
hold forth....
hold in.....
hold off....
get ahold of .....
hold one's own?


Then 2 verses were found:  
   2 Thessalonians 2.15    So then brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter.

   1 Titus 1.9
  He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.

Then I found this:   the word HOLD with a capital "h" is found in 11 verses in our bible, 9 chapters, and 9 books.....that version is more of the noun hold....

I wanted to write down each verse, I will site a few of my favorite:

Judges 18.19     Nehemiah  8.11     Job   13.13
Psalms 17.5   Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not.
Psm  109. 1    Amos  6.10    Zephaniah 1.7
Mark 1.25     Luke 4.35       2Tim 1.13

Psalm 119.117   Hold thou  me up, and I will be safe; and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.

I stopped and pondered why those two verses really STUCK in me....I remember many times in my life when I would beg God to hold up my goings in thy path....and just HOLD me....up....

And in Psm. 119....hold thou me up...JUST HOLD ME UP...how many  times I begged and pleaded that on my behalf. 

How about you...are you begging God to hold you up?

 IF you are, let us stop right now:
Lord, for my sweet sister or for whomever is reading this.....they or she or he needs you ...hold them...hold them up.  Amen. 


Then I came across this.  The word HOLD with a capital H is there 11 times and the word hold with a lower case 'h' ......is in 167 verses...167 verses....49 chapters....35 books...I was astounded.

That is the verb hold !   an action!   God is holding us! 

I did not write down each verse but a few that spoke volumes to me.

One of my life verses:  Exodus 14.14    The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.
Psalm 139.10    Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
Proverbs 3.18  She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her and happy is every one that retaineth her.
Proverbs 4.13  Take fast hold of instruction, let her not go, keep her, for she is thy life.


Isaiah 41.13  For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, fear not, I will help thee.

That last verse...spoke life into me many times over the past seven -nine years.   I don't wish to bring up the past, but I have to share this one story...of HOW this verse spoke life back into me.



   My husband and I were separated.  Our son was headed to Louisiana for a soccer tournament and my husband was very kind and did not expect to travel with us, as he knew our time together was hard, very hard.  However, after prayer, I knew,  he deserved to be able to attend and enjoy the soccer.  It had been a planned trip and Taylor was traveling with us.  Arrangements were made and our time together was difficult but "ok."

  WE spent a week together as a family and enjoyed  Hunter's  team and their wins and their heartbreak loss  in the finals on the last day.  The in between times were VERY hard, as sometimes I could only smile for so long and pretend for so long that all was well.  Each evening we would pick a restaurant and sit as a family  and each of us did a good job with keeping conversations 'right'.  Anyway, like I said, at times, it would just get too hard to bear and I would excuse myself and head to the ladies room.  At which I would get sick, either lose my lunch or supper or just spit up dry heaves and then look at myself in the mirror and hold my hand up in front of it and recite this verse.

 Isaiah 41.13  For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, fear not, I will help thee.

Sometimes I would cry it out, sometimes I had to be very discrete, but I had to remind myself over and over that HE was holding my hand.  HE was going to get me through this and HE would make all things new.  HE did.   The Holy Spirit would take over.  I know this...NOW,  but then, I was literally grabbing onto the promises of God every 2-3 minutes.

And sometimes I would YELL At God as I looked into the mirror.  Within moments -- 

 I would be able to wipe my tears, recompose myself and head back to the supper or dinner table and smile and just be thankful for the four of us - enjoying time together.

 I was SUCH a good actress.  I had to be.

 It was a difficult week.  The kids and I shared a King sized bed and my husband  slept on the floor.  Many nights were spent in prayer as I could not sleep between two kids that literally tossed and turned as they slept and I would hold my arm up in front of my eyes and focus on my hand and recite that verse...and imagine that God was RIGHT there...holding me and being my RIGHT hand......it was a verse I came to paraphrase and repeat often.

Now, bear in mind...that may leave a sad taste in your mind about my husband ..but don't let it.  I want to tell you that for the past 4 -5 years, I fall asleep each night in his arms...he holds me very tight and waits for me to wiggle out of his grip.  When I awake in the am, he must awake too as he will turn over and quickly grab me and hold me tight.

When he first began to do this, I would just lay there and think...."how long will this last?".  Then it continued and after a few months of expecting it to quit....I awoke one morning and I could hear the Holy Spirit remind me -- "THAT is how God has held you - TIGHT and now I am using your husband to remind you - God is still here."  


 "THAT is how God has held you - TIGHT and now I am using your husband to remind you - God is still here."  

   I believe GOD will DO that for YOU TOO!!!  

Yes, it is pretty cool that my husband can be God's huge arms right now -- but no matter what -- it has to be GOD that meets every need.

 I know my hubby is not perfect and each day, I release him to Jesus -- Jesus has to meet his every need as well -- as I will fail him -- I am not perfect.

Humans fail us.  They just do.  


Revelation 20.2
And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years.

Yep...God wins.  Period. 

Lord, I thank you so much, for holding me.
RIGHT now there is a woman that needs to feel You holding her.   She is in a season of waiting and needs some physical touch -- would you please supernaturally MEET that need.  Help her Lord remain pure and right in Your sight until her husband returns.   Lord, for that husband, may he be bombarded by intercessors and may he be miserable until he comes into full repentance to You Lord.  Lord, the person reading this has come to these blogs because there has been a broken marriage -- Lord, may our story give her hope and remind her that indeed -- YOU can bring beauty out of ashes.  IN Jesus name, Amen! 

- Michelle

So the reality is the marriage is broken - Part III - Now what? WAITING

God has been showing me something through the lives of some others and I have found myself writing a sort of 'plan' for a wife that has asked for help. 

 I have written this plan over and over and in different ways and I am believing God wants me to publish it and have it here for another to share with a friend and have some hope.  

I am not a psychologist or a life coach.  I am just a woman, who loves God, seeks the power of the Holy Spirit, and knows Jesus as her best friend.  I have lived a little bit.  Life's experiences have certainly  been played out and I am pretty sure God is not finished with me yet, but I am going to attempt to share a couple of blogs that I pray God will use to help foster some hope and to encourage a wife who is hurting and broken that God is fighting for her and God will win!   


If this is your first time here and you wish to read Part 1, here is the link:  
Awareness Part I 

You should be able to find Part II and now - Part III is ready to publish.  

Waiting.  

At this point, I  you have been made aware and you have forgiven and so now what?  

The what ----is waiting.
Your marriage is broken.
You have walked through forgiveness, but I am going to just point out that you will forgive again,  daily,   and again -- each day again,  and as time passes, the enemy will try his evil best to bring up MORE that you will have to forgive and renounce- again.  But -- you can and you will. 

Walking in Forgiveness is commanded by God.  The feelings will catch up later.  

Prayerfully, your spouse has finished or quit the affair.  If this has not happened - there is a different blog to read!

And, if the affair is still going I would  begin a war of prayers for it to be exposed and prayerfully ended.   I would go to battle in prayer - daily and enlist a few trusted friends to pray with me and fast that the relationship ends.

 Most often when something is exposed -- it is no longer 'fun' and it dies.  It all depends.  However,  if your spouse continues openly in this relationship -- your waiting will be different.   You may not choose to wait.  You may choose to end the marriage.  I am writing this blog from the standpoint that you are going to FIGHT for your marriage and believe in a miracle.  As I believe THAT is what God has asked you to do.   So, with that --- I will continue. And I am believing the the affair has ended. 

One of the  hard realizations-- but true reality is -- a marriage DOES not break over night.  So, it does not get fixed overnight.  I am a firm believer in QUICK and FAST miracles, but God does not usually work that way.   Most often it takes time!   He does not seem to be quick in some incidents and yet we know HE is always on time!  Anyway, while we are waiting  -- we must seek God.

I suggest you dig deep and quick into a bible study.  Join one, find one on line,  or watch some sort of bible study on TV.  You already have a person that can hold you accountable, now make sure you are in a gathering place each weekend with a body of believers that will not only encourage you but they can also just LOVE on you.  Waiting is hard.

This probably won't be the ONLY season in which God asks you to wait.  In my own life, I can see how God needed the time to work on me -- as much as HE worked  on my husband.

Here is some practical tips -
1.  Get in church.
 2.  Get connected with a bible study or a mentor that will hold you accountable to some bible study.  3.  Stay healthy - eat correctly, and drink plenty of water.
 4.  Limit your contact with the opposite sex.  

 LIMIT your contact.   LIMIT.  LIMIT.  LIMIT!  Be careful and WAIT.  Please don't allow yourself to fall into a trap.   Rejection is VERY hard and it hurts and so often it is very easy to just have a friend that you can confide and lean into and if this friend is of the opposite sex, it will get VERY complicated.   And when another begins to pay attention to you, the enemy has an open door to continue to harass you and remind you that "you" were betrayed. And a trap is set and it is SO easy to fall into it. 

To be quite honest, I had 2 different male Pastors/Elders come to me specifically and tell me - BE CAREFUL.  I know this was God's way of really showing and telling me to be careful.  After both of them reminded me to keep my eyes open -- I began to see several situations.  We live in a small town and indeed, other men  were even inquiring about me to my husband.  ....Now...I can laugh a bit, back then -- I was MAD....no,  I was PISSED! 

 Sorry -- that is not a very nice word, but I was mad.  I was mostly MAD that they would inquire to my husband.  What is this...??? Some sort of "man-code?".  It was a way for the enemy to play with my thoughts.   I was indeed flattered that after some 20+ years of marriage, there were still people of the opposite sex that were interested, but I wanted my marriage and the ONE person I wanted interested in me -- did not want me.  

THAT is what you must fight in the waiting.  The feelings of rejection.  The hurt of betrayal.  These are all very real feelings and so forth and while you are waiting -- I believe God is working on YOU. 

God worked on me!   Big time. 



  So,  5.  Get a journal and write those thoughts and feelings out.
  6. Pray and begin a prayer plan where you are being strategic in your prayers.
and Finally, 7.  Seek some counsel, professional if you can,  seek a person who can  listen and help you look at what God is asking  you to change or to do. 


Waiting could be six months, two years, or two weeks. 

 Seek God.

 God may give you a direct order and remind you to  wait and not give you a date.  I believed God told me I would have to wait nine months.  What that ended up being is -- at the end of nine months -- I WAS a DIFFERENT person.  Then I began  a new season and realized, by  this point, that more time was needed to make us whole.   And I waited another fourteen months before I began to see some FRUIT and actions where I felt I could honestly say, "we are really working at our marriage". 

From start to finish, I believe we had 3 really rotten and tough years before  the phone call where I was told my marriage was in a crisis.  Then it took  14 months before a shift occurred.    But then, we started a new season of  caution, hope,   and therapy.  However,  it was another  5-6 months before that  glimmer of hope took hold and I could actually see some of what I believed in for so long.  

My point -- healing comes and that takes time  -- and then when it seems like you have made it back from the brink of destruction .......God  will ask you to be used.  God will ask you to help another.  God will show you what is next.  

Healing does not stop.   New triggers and just living will bring forth wounds and new wounds and disagreements and there will be new challenges to overcome, but with God you will face these a little different this time.     And perhaps  the  scabs that have healed over, could be or can be easily ripped right off and the hurt can reappear -- but, You will seek God at this moment and be reminded of ALL the good and healing and You will overcome again.

In the Waiting -- allow God to change you.
In the Waiting -- allow God to show you new insights.
In the Waiting -- seek God for every move and don't give up or give in unless God directly tells you to.
In the Waiting -- find your JOY again.

 JoY is a choice and it is not based on circumstances it is because of WHOM you are and WHOM we are in Christ.  WE are victorious! 

In the Waiting -- watch carefully HOW you portray yourself and guard and honor your marriage and husband by only sharing info with a few. 

In the Waiting -- seek God. 
In the Waiting - memorize Scripture.
In the Waiting -- read God's Word. 
In the Waiting -- have faith that GOD will provide and be faithful. 
In the Waiting -- pray. 
In the Waiting -- trust that God is fighting for you. 
In the Waiting -- thank God. 

In the Waiting -- believe!   

-Michelle

Thursday, January 12, 2017

So the reality is- the marriage is broken. Part II Forgiveness


God has been showing me something through the lives of some others and I have found myself writing a sort of 'plan' for a wife that has asked for help. 

 I have written this plan over and over and in different ways and I am believing God wants me to publish it and have it here for another to share with a friend and have some hope.  

I am not a psychologist or a life coach.  I am just a woman, who loves God, seeks the power of the Holy Spirit, and knows Jesus as her best friend.  I have lived a little bit.  Life's experiences have certainly  been played out and I am pretty sure God is not finished with me yet, but I am going to attempt to share a couple of blogs that I pray God will use to help foster some hope and to encourage a wife who is hurting and broken that God is fighting for her and God will win!   


If this is your first time here and you wish to read Part 1, here is the link:  
Awareness Part I 


And perhaps you are reading this for the first time and did not realize that my husband and I have lived through a rather difficult season in our marriage, so I want to say this with all transparency -- this is not a subject we laugh about or speak about lightly.  It is with much prayer and faith, that we know -- God is using us as a glimmer of hope and light in a world that Satan wants to destroy.  When a marriage is broken -- Satan believes he is winning.  But when a marriage is restored and God gets the glory - God wins.  


Part II  - Forgiveness

1 Peter 4.8 says: 
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.



 I would have to say that the simple scripture of 1 Peter 4.8 was recited, memorized, and thought of over and over and over.    

1 Peter has LOTS of interesting bits of advice and knowledge inspired by God.  I recently read the entire book of 1 Peter and had a highlighting fest.

In 1 Peter 5 it speaks about humbling yourself, therefore under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your cares for you.

That sounds really good but after you become aware of broken vows, the first emotion may not be to cast your cares -- it maybe to CAST a fist into someone's face.   The fine line between anger and forgiveness can  be drawn and erased 4-5x a day.  In the previous post, I caution you to make sure that you have a mentor and can vent the anger, the hurt, and whatever comes from your mouth in a safe way.   And let me give you the best advice -- DO NOT place your feelings on Facebook.  As I have reminded you before, if there are children involved  - this man is still their father.  Posted rantings or one night of anger being vented can't be replaced once it is posted.   It is probably best to follow the old adage of "if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all".  

Now in hindsight, I am so thankful my husband was not on FB.  For one,  I would not of been able to function if he would of unfriended me or posted something.  And two, I have seen what happens between two people going back and forth on FB -- and it is not godly nor pretty.   But I admit I did not post details on FB but I would post scripture and if you were paying attention and went back to my wall and read one after the other -- you could tell something was wrong or up.   However, FB provided some outside sources and a glimmer of hope.  Each person that liked my scripture and I knew that they 'knew' .....I knew they were praying and I took comfort in that.  I wanted EVERY prayer I could get.  I believe it sustained me.    I have blogged before about a specific 'stranger' who messaged me on FB and God used her to save our marriage.  She sent a message on the RIGHT night at the RIGHT time and God used it and I made a very real decision that night.  I had made the decision but God used her to confirm it.

 You can read specifically at this link:
God used FB to message me His confirmation.


 And, I remember the day I got a frantic message from his aunt.  It was private in messenger but she stated, "Chelly, what on earth is going on?".  And I shared what had transpired and she stated she prayed, but I also asked her to just keep it to herself.  

And even though I felt EVERYONE knew -- there were  many who had not clue.  Many that were not gossips and many that just did not know and all of a sudden they would catch a glimpse of my status and they would ask my husband, "hey what is going on in your house?".  What happened next did not help in the  reconciliation - but it only pushed him further away.  So, again - be wise. 

The anger needs to be dealt with.  For me, punching into a punching bag helped.   Long walks.  Praise and Worship music was blasted and recited and sung.   I took a few pieces of my husband's clothing and literally ripped them up in a few pieces.   His favorite hat and his favorite golfing shirt.   I was so angry one night I smashed a few pictures in their frames.   At that point, I knew I needed to "up" my help.  My mentor asked me to come in and meet with her and we would walk out some forgiveness exercises.

God calls us to forgive.  Forgiveness  most likely won't change the present circumstances but it will change your heart.   And it may not change your heart right away, but as you walk out in obedience to God your Father, you will begin to feel and see the forgiveness within your life.

How can you forgive?

 I knew I had to forgive.  That verse, about how Love covers a multitude of sins -- I knew that once we all got to heaven, there would not be a 'grading' of sin.  I knew that I would stand before God as a sinner -- just like my husband would or just like how 'she' would.    And I knew I had to forgive.   Forgiving is like an onion that has layers.  You forgive on a daily basis and eventually after months and maybe years, there will be a clear knowledge in your head and confirmed by Holy Spirit that you hold no unforgiveness!  

For me, I sat in a chair for a good hour and voiced a list to my mentor  - out loud - each person that I needed to forgive and we made a list of WHAT I needed to forgive them for.  After the list was made, we prayed and I said 2 little words, "I forgive ________ for __________" and  then, "it is finished".   My mentor made me a little card and laminated it.  That day was 5-12-10.  I can see the laminated card when ever the enemy wants to trigger a memory or hurt.  She put a sunflower on the card as that is my favorite flower.   But, when the enemy wanted to remind me of my past, I reminded him of his future!

My forgiveness was 'quick' but my feelings did not catch up until 9 months later.  It took an encounter with God and some extended prayer and reflection and I confessed the hurt and forgave myself and I forgave God.  That was a big deal.  I wrote a blog about that - my Encounter with God and you can read that here if you wish: 
My direct hug from my hero! 


So often we forgive but do we forgive ourselves and do we forgive God.  What a question!

So, in the last post I asked you to seek a mentor or prayer partner as you walk this new season out.  I would suggest that you sit with her and make a list of WHAT needs to be forgiven.  I would examine your heart and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any unforgiveness and bitterness. 

There are many ways to do this.  I have literally had a dear sister in Christ write everything on a sheet of paper and then we made a copy of it.  We placed one copy in a helium balloon and the other we tied to a brick.  Then we prayed and I had her HOLD the brick above her head.  I asked her to hold it until her arm became to sore.  At that point, we released the burden, dropped the brick and placed the list in a small fire.  Then we released the balloon with the list to the heavens.  It was symbolic but it was a moment in time that we marked   forgiveness had been sought and all cares were cast on HIM.  And I did not laminate a card for her, but I did snap a photo of the balloon as it traveled upwards and when there was a set back, I would text her the photo and remind her - God has it! 


Ok, forgivess is very important.  I have over stayed my welcome -- and typed maybe too much, this series may need to be read in smaller parts.   To conclude, forgiveness is needed.  Seek counsel in your pastor or fellow prayer warrior to help you pinpoint what exactly needs to be confessed and then forgiveness sought.  I will add this -- it takes some time.  And it is OK that your feelings are NOT right there  RIGHT away.  God knows. 

With that - until Part III --

I am humbled to write for God and I pray that if this post is shared  - that indeed God gets all the glory. 


 

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

So the reality is -- the marriage is broken. Part I - Awareness!

God has been showing me something through the lives of some others and I have found myself writing a sort of 'plan' for a wife that has asked for help. 

 I have written this plan over and over and in different ways and I am believing God wants me to publish it and have it here for another to share with a friend and have some hope.  

I am not a psychologist or a life coach.  I am just a woman, who loves God, seeks the power of the Holy Spirit, and knows Jesus as her best friend.  I have lived a little bit.  Life's experiences have certainly  been played out and I am pretty sure God is not finished with me yet, but I am going to attempt to share a couple of blogs that I pray God will use to help foster some hope and to encourage a wife who is hurting and broken that God is fighting for her and God will win!   

And perhaps you are reading this for the first time and did not realize that my husband and I have lived through a rather difficult season in our marriage, so I want to say this with all transparency -- this is not a subject we laugh about or speak about lightly.  It is with much prayer and faith, that we know -- God is using us as a glimmer of hope and light in a world that Satan wants to destroy.  When a marriage is broken -- Satan believes he is winning.  But when a marriage is restored and God gets the glory - God wins.  

We have lived  our own story, but  we guard it and pray each day that His glory will be seen through us.  I am pretty open about what God has done in our lives, but my husband is a bit more private.  I have to respect that and with all respect guard his feelings as I write.   We both totally agree that it took him more faith to believe in God than me.  We both agree and understand that a marital affair is a symptom of other problems within a marriage.  We both agree and take full responsibility for our actions.  I am so thankful that my husband took a chance,   allowed himself to be submitted to godly counsel ,  and  eventually reestablished his relationship with God's Word.  And we both know and understand  that what God allowed  -- was God's way of getting our attention.  

We both know and understand it just had to be 'this' way.  We now have a marriage that we never had before.  We are still the same people and yet we are both VERY MUCH changed.  We are also different communicators and make a daily choice to be present before God and submit to Him.  

I can truly only focus on my testimony.   My testimony is  how I committed adultery against my Lord.  How my own selfishness   and my idolatry   overshadowed  my marriage.  God allowed the glass walls around our family and our marriage to be shattered because He knew what would come next.  I believe  our story is one of HOPE for you as well, and if you have found this blog because someone shared it or  God led you to it - I pray that this series will indeed be a resource to you and give you hope to know -- that  your marriage does not have to be over -- it can be better than it ever was!  


Awareness!   Part 1. 

Hebrews  14.3
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral". 

You have become aware that your husband is having an affair, had an affair, or has  confessed to breaking the marriage vows. Your marriage does not have to be related to an affair to be broken.  There are other sexual sins that can cause broken vows.  And, a husband can commit adultery without having sexual intercourse.   It is a matter of the heart.  Adultery is committed in the heart.  So, this covers much. 

You are now aware.   Being aware may bring some peace, but it now ushers  you into the next phase or decision.  What are you going to do?

I believe you have two choices.  You can be bitter or decide to be better.  However, you are probably going to run through every gambit of emotions in the next couple of days and it is ok -- you have a right to be angry just don't sin in that anger.

You also have to make a decision.  Many reminded me that biblically,  when there is adultery, Jesus had provided provision -- you are released.

I personally don't believe it is that easy.  I don't believe God releases the spouse that has been scorned.    But this is a very serious and personal decision and it  must be prayerfully decided.  You are the one that should seek God and do what HE asks you to do.

Immediately I knew, God wanted me to extend grace and mercy to my husband.  Immediately, God provided 2 sweet sisters in Christ that prayed for me and with me.  Immediately, God showed me some good godly counsel and immediately, He reminded me that I was in the palm of His hands. Immediately, God was faithful and I knew that I knew I was to show grace and mercy.

So you are aware.
I pray right now for the way in which you found out -- if you love God, then I am going to believe that God extended as much grace and mercy in the situation and that HE was not surprised.

I pray that as you crawl up into the arms of Jesus this evening and read God's Word, that you will find His presence is very real and RIGHT there with you.

You will have a decision - will your husband remain in the home or has he left?  Do you want him to leave?  There are some very real questions and things that need to be addressed.  Seek counsel and make decisions prayerfully  and with God as Your guide.

And right now, you are thinking -- 'how on earth?'.  I want to tell you that every emotion that will run through your head and thoughts in the next couple of days are real and these thoughts and emotions will have to be dealt with in time, but they are real.  Just don't allow these emotions to dictate your decisions but let them temper your heart and allow the Lord to place His filter all over these precious first moments after the awareness. 


I believe you need to have a mentor or someone that will hold you accountable.  Who can you speak to?   Is there a friend, a pastor from your church, or even a neighbor that you can confide in?   This person should love God and have the ability to remind you of Your identity in Christ.  This person may have to hold you accountable and even apply some discipline if needed.  This person should be in right relationship with her family and her husband or kids and be in a healthy spot.   This person should be encouraging and seek God for all answers.  I caution you to be wise about HOW much you say and tell.  Keep only a few close and stick to allowing God to be your best friend.  I know that God has a few around you that will help you.

If there are children involved, please know -- no matter what, your husband will always be their father. 


And, I would encourage you to write in a journal if you don't already.  Write notes to God,  pen these emotions and questions into your journal and ask God first.  Record what is going on in your head but also know - whether you saw this coming or you are totally at a loss as you had no idea -- God is not surprised and God is RIGHT there with you.   And know -- through Christ, you will get through these first few weeks and this earthquake that has broken up your home, does not have to destroy you. 

Ok, that is enough for this first post.

I will share a prayer that interacts with my story and I pray that until the next post - it will hold your thoughts and questions until the next post.

Lord, she came here this eve or today for a purpose.  Lord, something has been revealed within her marriage and the enemy is trying his best to destroy this union that Your have ordained.   Lord, for the immediate moment, I just pray that as you HELD me in those first moments when the walls came crashing down on me - you will HOLD her as well.  Give her a dream or vision that will sustain her when she believes there is no HOPE.  Lord, provide the mentors and godly counsel RIGHT there close to her to step it up or be revealed.  Lord, help her to believe that indeed, You have allowed this  revelation for such a time as this.  Lord, I pray she will read the book of Esther in the next few days and begin to read about a girl that saved her people, because she was obedient to her godly counsel and believed in You.  Lord, use that story to help this precious wife believe that ...this situation is the enemy's ploy to destroy a family.  Lord, help her to see that the man who has betrayed her -- is simply not the one she calls husband right now, but one who has believed a lie and has been deceived.   Lord, protect her heart this evening as each day is going  to be hard unless You are right with her.  Lord, protect her eyes and her ears right now, that the enemy does not add in extra damage.  Lord, provide for her the best situation as far as housing - whether he remains in the home or not.  You know Lord, I cried each night but had to learn to rely on ONLY You and allow myself to be alone with YOU as YOU met each and every need as my husband for a season.  Lord, YOU collected every tear and provided and so I pray that for her as well.  IN Jesus name....until you commission the next part in this series Lord -- IN Jesus name, amen.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Totally trusting God.

 On a dreary day back in April of 2011, I read my Jesus Calling for the day after a very hard day and read this:  

Dear Beloved, When I give you no special guidance, stay where you are. Concentrate on doing your everyday tasks in awareness of My Presence with you. The Joy of My Presence will shine on you, as you do everything for Me. Thus you invite Me into every aspect of your life. Through collaborating with Me in all things, you allow MY life to merge with yours. This is the secret not only of joyful living but also of victorious living. I designed you to depend on Me moment by moment, recognizing that apart from Me you can do nothing.
Be thankful for quiet days, when nothing special seems to be happening. Instead of being bored by the lack of action, use times of routine to seek My face. Although this is an invisible transaction, it speaks volumes in spiritual realms. Moreover, you are richly blessed when you walk trustingly with Me through the routines of your day. - Jesus

Colossians 3. 23 John 15.5 Psm 105.4

I don't know exactly WHAT transpired back on that day, but I do know that my husband and I were living in the same house, but counsel seemed to be getting no where.  I was back to praying that as each weekend approached - I had to prep  myself  of the possibility, that my husband was probably going to move out again.   

You see he was not happy.   He was not content or satisfied.   But, he was also allowing the enemy to steer his thoughts and he was in NO position to trust God.  He really did not even have a relationship with God then.  From my perspective -- TOO much time had passed and I was SICK of waiting on God.  I was still so very lonely even though he was in the home.  But, God reminded me of what He asked of me.   So again, it was probably a very dreary evening.    So, I blogged and changed that first line --- I made the calling out to me.   And my original blog is very short -- another sign I just wanted to put a plea out to the  heavens that I needed to hear from God and so  I personalized it. 

Dear Michelle, When I give you no special guidance, stay where you are. Concentrate on doing your everyday tasks in awareness of My Presence with you. The Joy of My Presence will shine on you, as you do everything for Me. Thus you invite Me into every aspect of your life. Through collaborating with Me in all things, you allow MY life to merge with yours. This is the secret not only of joyful living but also of victorious living. I designed you to depend on Me moment by moment, recognizing that apart from Me you can do nothing.
Be thankful for quiet days, when nothing special seems to be happening. Instead of being bored by the lack of action, use times of routine to seek My face. Although this is an invisible transaction, it speaks volumes in spiritual realms. Moreover, you are richly blessed when you walk trustingly with Me through the routines of your day. - Jesus

Colossians 3. 23 John 15.5 Psm 105.4

And I replied this back in 2011:  

Dear Jesus,
I hear you -- loud and clear. Thank you for taking the time to speak to me daily. Lord, I wish to hunger for you deeply each day. Help me to keep my eyes on YOU. LOrd, and for the others in my life . ..Lord, move the mountains, bless those who persecute me, and Lord, heal .. .there are many around me. Many who seek wisdom and guidance. Lord for that perfect little one, for the pumpkin and his family. Lord, for my own two kids . . unspoken are the rest of my pleas. Lord, for Tony and that leg - restoration. Lord, for FCAT, school, grandma's and just everything in the normal routine. Thank you Lord.
Amen - Michelle

I can't remember exactly who  the references  of prayer were for.  I know Tony was fighting cancer he had been one of my students years before.    And, both grandma's have now gone to be with Jesus...but if I was to reply to Jesus this eve, I would blog this: 

Dear Jesus, I believe I have stayed in Your Presence and yet, begged  for mercy and called  for Your steadfast love over and over,  here and there for the  past six years,  over and over.  And Lord, I am very aware of YOU  and YOUR presence every day in every little task.  I would just like to add, thank you so much for showing me EXACTLY where my phone  was located when I misplaced it.  Lord, I pray people can see the JOY you bring me.  All. The. Time.  Jesus, I pray that you can totally see that one of my MAIN goals is to always be in collaboration with You - doing what You ask of me.    God, I do believe I have experienced some JOYFUL   and victorious living!!  I do realize that I NEED you 24/7 and YOU are the only one that can totally fulfill me.   BUT there is such a JOY now and it is because I TRUST YOU.  Totally.   Lord, I have not felt the need to blog as much and over the holiday as I retreated a bit and got some much needed rest and relaxation and yet -- I can be quiet in You and LOVE that.   But You brought me to this older blog and again -- You used it.  Lord, thank you for allowing me the time to finally come to a place where You are Lord and  indeed, my best friend and confident.  
In Jesus name, Amen.  


So now it is YOUR turn -- God brought you to this blog for a reason.  
Do you trust Him?  
Can you?  

Learning to totally lean on God and trust everything into His hands is a process.  One that can be accomplished in time.  However, it can start today as well.   

I would ask you, do you trust God?   If you can't answer that or you know the answer is "NO", then I  would encourage you to find another to pray with you.  And face that question, "do I trust God ?".  If indeed you don't have a grasp on that question -- then it is really time to start and change up that walk with Him.  


So, I would encourage you today as I pray -- Lord, for the one that NEEDED to read and hear this Lord, I just pray that indeed there is a realization and awareness of the trust issues and then that she or he would reach out to their pastor or mentor/accountability partner and pray and be held accountable.  I know Lord you will provide them with the RIGHT path or people to meet - just like you did for me and my phone 'replacement'  earlier today, but God I pray ....may this miracle transpire as soon as possible??   In Jesus name.  

Thursday, January 5, 2017

When he is right... A prayer for a marriage.

So this blog is a little different.   This blog is me, apologizing to my husband but also being real and transparent because maybe there is another wife out there who just needs to read this and share it with her husband and seek his forgiveness as well. 
Jesus Calling for today -- about failures!

I have avoided typing this out -- but I must.  Today when my hubby was reading our little daily devotional the author reminded us that we can't worry about tomorrow and used the passage of the Hebrews in the wilderness and how God provided the manna needed for that day.

I had been worrying about something.   I had allowed this worry to overtake  too much of my time. And with that worrying, I may have pushed another away or created a situation that was not very 'christlike'.   And, it frustrated my husband. 

God's Word reminded me  that He gives me  the grace  and  has provided sufficiently for me  today.
That is the same for you.  

Tomorrow is tomorrow and we are not to worry about tomorrow - for today is the present.  The story tells about how those wandering in the wilderness tried to store up and save some of the  extra manna because they did not have the faith to trust God -- the  extra manna rotted!   See Exodus 16.

So -- today -- trust God.  Cast all cares upon Him and He will sustain us.
 Or, our thoughts can sort of become rotten as well!  

Today I had a moment where there was a big revelation.   My thinking,  which really was my pride,  was ROTTEN!    Something kept coming back to my mind and the enemy was working overtime trying to get me to grab the bait.  I held strong in most situations but in a weak and feeble moment I found myself thinking and then praying --

 Sometimes in this daily banter of being married,  my pride or my head stops and thinks that I am the glue that is responsible for everything and its me and my faith and obedience that covers my husband.    I am the more spiritual and it is because of my faith that we are where we are today.  And,   that is  pride cause I can hear myself think, "I was the created for my husband and God took favor on him when God blessed Brendan with me".

And my prayers sound like ---

"Lord, he does not get it.  It certainly seems like I carry this marriage and my faith covers him.  Does he see ...........?  Can he just understand.......... ? Wouldn't it be better if ...........................?  See, I knew he would not .................. And really, why am I always the one who.............?" 


BAM.  
BAM. 
BAM.  


 Then God.

Humbled.  

Long story short, I would rather be disciplined by God -- he is gentle and merciful and never reminds me of my junk, but when God uses your husband to correct or right a situation and he does not extend the amount of GRACE that "I " believe is needed -- well, it is what it is and it is not easy.  


My sister sent me this:  

Marriage has unique power to show us the truth of who we really are.  
Marriage has unique power to redeem our past  and heal our self-image through love.  
Marriage has the power to show us the grace of what God did for us in  Jesus Christ. 

In Ephesians 5, Paul tells us that Jesus laid down his life for us, forgiving us at great cost to make us something beautiful.  And because he has done it for us, we can do the same for others.  

Our sins hurt Jesus infinitely more than your spouse's sins hurt you.  You may feel your spouse is crucifying you, but sins really did put Jesus on the cross, yet he forgave us.    - Timothy Keller 


BAM.

So this evening as I type out this prayer, I hope that God will use this to teach or remind another that indeed -- You were created for your husband -- but he was created for you.

I realize that many marriages are not perfect.  Wait -- NO marriage is perfect.  It certainly seems like some couples around us "ARE" perfect and they seem to have it together, but I am reminded of how so often we have one face that appears to smile to everyone on the outside;  and so many of us just keep what is really going on within out hearts -- to ourselves.

Marriage is hard.  At our year 22, 23, 24 -- we were in a BIG crisis and I longed for a better relationship with him and a better marriage and by our  23rd, I did not think we would make it to our 24th.   Our 25th came and it was a miracle and  since then each one is unique and different, but we are NOT the same people today compared to 28 years ago or ever six months ago.

Marriage is truly something  that  teaches  unconditional love.   I realize children and heartache  may teach us  about ourselves and love as well -- but there is something to be said about a marriage  union that  has lasted longer than 10-15 years.....

If by chance,  you have that 'almost perfect' marriage,  where you both get along,  feel very satisfied,  and enjoy each other 24 /7,  then,  I pray that you are mentoring others and speaking life into those around you  -- as YOU are a miracle and  YOU ARE needed in working for God!

But if your marriage is struggling or suffering a bit right now -- be reminded that God has not left you. If you believe your marriage is totally lost or bleeding without any hope to be repaired -- there is still HOPE.   There is!!    It can be repaired.  It can be better than it ever was.  It can be redeemed.


Lord, I love you and come to you right now , as you know,  all the words and thoughts that have been going around and around in my head this past few days.  You saw the worry I had for a few days  now and I know you spoke RIGHT to my head and heart and reminded me that "you were big enough"  -- so please forgive me again, as my temporary lapse  got the best of me.  

Lord, forgive me for allowing my selfishness and pride to get me to a place, where  I felt,  I was the best thing for him.....rather than the thought that he could be the BEST thing for me.   So often Lord, one of the marriage partners believes the other loves them less -- this is a LIE from the enemy and the evil one uses it to build up pride.   He also uses it to divide!   Lord, for the lies I allowed to grace my thoughts that "men just don't get it".   Lord, you get it and as I know and believe that my husband has the mind of Christ then -- he gets it too -- cause YOU created it!   

Lord, I forgive him for not reading what I needed him to read and affirm me on.    Lord, I forgive him for the words that he said innocently but landed on me like arrows.   Lord, I forgive him for not being and doing what "I felt" he should have  and now Lord, I pray that I will forgive myself as well - as I know you have forgiven me - over and over.   

Lord, forgive me for allowing the problems of the world  to come before my first priority  -- my relationship with YOU.  However, Lord, Brendan needs to be right there -- second after you -- and before my needs.   And Lord, thank you for this am.   His prayer for me, this am,  covered everything.  Lord, his words were so sweet and they covered me.   I heard YOU Lord through him -- but I am honest Lord -- I NEED to hear that more often.  And I know - as I type this out, I can hear Holy Spirit sing to me loudly - "if you want that from him, why aren't you doing that over him?".   I get it Lord... I hear..... yes, you know I know that I need to pray over him as well, but I have allowed the enemy to sell me a lie again and just got scared.  But God...  I plead with you, don't leave me and Holy Spirit -- hold me accountable.   But seriously Lord, I am thankful for waterproof mascara and again -- his prayer was my direct hug from you.  Thank you.  

And Lord,  after my little fuss  again this evening-- or as my husband stated, "my whinny and pissy mode and ramblings" -- I did hear what he said.  Trusting you.  What was the reason I slipped back into a old mind set??   I am not sure, but I will pray and believe we won't revisit that old mind set again.  

So, Lord, for the wife reading this  -- God ONLY you can make this, "make sense" to her.  I pray this blog was not in vain.  I pray it will allow another that may think "she has  it all together" see and know -- I don't, but I know the one who does -- YOU LORD!   

Lord, bless our marriage -- we will celebrate 30 years this August.  I am praying now for  a celebration and I pray that we would be an example of YOUR divine love and unconditional love -- not only  to each other but to those around us.  We want to share your love and encourage another to believe that indeed - YOU can repair, redeem and restore ANY marriage.  IN Jesus name, Amen.! 


That was the fancy prayer.  
What BP wanted to hear -- short and sweet is this:  

Bren - you are right.  I have to practice what I preach.  Please forgive me.  IJN. Amen.