God has been showing me something through the lives of some others and I have found myself writing a sort of 'plan' for a wife that has asked for help.
I have written this plan over and over and in different ways and I am believing God wants me to publish it and have it here for another to share with a friend and have some hope.
I am not a psychologist or a life coach. I am just a woman, who
loves God, seeks the power of the Holy Spirit, and knows Jesus as her
best friend. I have lived a little bit. Life's experiences have
certainly been played out and I am pretty sure God is not finished with
me yet, but I am going to attempt to share a couple of blogs that I
pray God will use to help foster some hope and to encourage a wife who
is hurting and broken that God is fighting for her and God will win!
If this is your first time here and you wish to read Part 1, here is the link:
Awareness Part I
You should be able to find Part II and now - Part III is ready to publish.
At this point, I you have been made aware and you have forgiven and so now what?
The what ----is waiting.
Your marriage is broken.
You have walked through forgiveness, but I am going to just point out that you will forgive again, daily, and again -- each day again, and as time passes, the enemy will try his evil best to bring up MORE that you will have to forgive and renounce- again. But -- you can and you will.
Walking in Forgiveness is commanded by God. The feelings will catch up later.
Prayerfully, your spouse has finished or quit the affair. If this has not happened - there is a different blog to read!
And, if the affair is still going I would begin a war of prayers for it to be exposed and prayerfully ended. I would go to battle in prayer - daily and enlist a few trusted friends to pray with me and fast that the relationship ends.
Most often when something is exposed -- it is no longer 'fun' and it dies. It all depends. However, if your spouse continues openly in this relationship -- your waiting will be different. You may not choose to wait. You may choose to end the marriage. I am writing this blog from the standpoint that you are going to FIGHT for your marriage and believe in a miracle. As I believe THAT is what God has asked you to do. So, with that --- I will continue. And I am believing the the affair has ended.
One of the hard realizations-- but true reality is -- a marriage DOES not break over night. So, it does not get fixed overnight. I am a firm believer in QUICK and FAST miracles, but God does not usually work that way. Most often it takes time! He does not seem to be quick in some incidents and yet we know HE is always on time! Anyway, while we are waiting -- we must seek God.
I suggest you dig deep and quick into a bible study. Join one, find one on line, or watch some sort of bible study on TV. You already have a person that can hold you accountable, now make sure you are in a gathering place each weekend with a body of believers that will not only encourage you but they can also just LOVE on you. Waiting is hard.
This probably won't be the ONLY season in which God asks you to wait. In my own life, I can see how God needed the time to work on me -- as much as HE worked on my husband.
Here is some practical tips -
1. Get in church.
2. Get connected with a bible study or a mentor that will hold you accountable to some bible study. 3. Stay healthy - eat correctly, and drink plenty of water.
4. Limit your contact with the opposite sex.
LIMIT your contact. LIMIT. LIMIT. LIMIT! Be careful and WAIT. Please don't allow yourself to fall into a trap. Rejection is VERY hard and it hurts and so often it is very easy to just have a friend that you can confide and lean into and if this friend is of the opposite sex, it will get VERY complicated. And when another begins to pay attention to you, the enemy has an open door to continue to harass you and remind you that "you" were betrayed. And a trap is set and it is SO easy to fall into it.
To be quite honest, I had 2 different male Pastors/Elders come to me specifically and tell me - BE CAREFUL. I know this was God's way of really showing and telling me to be careful. After both of them reminded me to keep my eyes open -- I began to see several situations. We live in a small town and indeed, other men were even inquiring about me to my husband. ....Now...I can laugh a bit, back then -- I was MAD....no, I was PISSED!
Sorry -- that is not a very nice word, but I was mad. I was mostly MAD that they would inquire to my husband. What is this...??? Some sort of "man-code?". It was a way for the enemy to play with my thoughts. I was indeed flattered that after some 20+ years of marriage, there were still people of the opposite sex that were interested, but I wanted my marriage and the ONE person I wanted interested in me -- did not want me.
THAT is what you must fight in the waiting. The feelings of rejection. The hurt of betrayal. These are all very real feelings and so forth and while you are waiting -- I believe God is working on YOU.
God worked on me! Big time.
So, 5. Get a journal and write those thoughts and feelings out.
6. Pray and begin a prayer plan where you are being strategic in your prayers.
and Finally, 7. Seek some counsel, professional if you can, seek a person who can listen and help you look at what God is asking you to change or to do.
Waiting could be six months, two years, or two weeks.
God may give you a direct order and remind you to wait and not give you a date. I believed God told me I would have to wait nine months. What that ended up being is -- at the end of nine months -- I WAS a DIFFERENT person. Then I began a new season and realized, by this point, that more time was needed to make us whole. And I waited another fourteen months before I began to see some FRUIT and actions where I felt I could honestly say, "we are really working at our marriage".
From start to finish, I believe we had 3 really rotten and tough years before the phone call where I was told my marriage was in a crisis. Then it took 14 months before a shift occurred. But then, we started a new season of caution, hope, and therapy. However, it was another 5-6 months before that glimmer of hope took hold and I could actually see some of what I believed in for so long.
My point -- healing comes and that takes time -- and then when it seems like you have made it back from the brink of destruction .......God will ask you to be used. God will ask you to help another. God will show you what is next.
Healing does not stop. New triggers and just living will bring forth wounds and new wounds and disagreements and there will be new challenges to overcome, but with God you will face these a little different this time. And perhaps the scabs that have healed over, could be or can be easily ripped right off and the hurt can reappear -- but, You will seek God at this moment and be reminded of ALL the good and healing and You will overcome again.
In the Waiting -- allow God to change you.
In the Waiting -- allow God to show you new insights.
In the Waiting -- seek God for every move and don't give up or give in unless God directly tells you to.
In the Waiting -- find your JOY again.
JoY is a choice and it is not based on circumstances it is because of WHOM you are and WHOM we are in Christ. WE are victorious!
In the Waiting -- watch carefully HOW you portray yourself and guard and honor your marriage and husband by only sharing info with a few.
In the Waiting -- seek God.
In the Waiting - memorize Scripture.
In the Waiting -- read God's Word.
In the Waiting -- have faith that GOD will provide and be faithful.
In the Waiting -- pray.
In the Waiting -- trust that God is fighting for you.
In the Waiting -- thank God.
In the Waiting -- believe!